Work Text:
When Dean is seven years old, he doesn't understand why his brother screams all the time.
Why Sam pulls at the hand-me-down t-shirts and cries if Dad tries to put him into anything but the blue one.
Why Sam doesn't sleep at the right time and spends hours wandering around the motel room in the middle of the night, opening and closing all of the drawers. Over and over and over.
Why he squirms away when Dean or Dad tries to hug him, but squeals with delight when Dean lays down on top of him, pressing his body into the couch like a little Sam sandwich.
Why he can say "Scooby-Dooby-Doo!" and sing the Reading Rainbow song and shout "Turtle Power!" at the top of his lungs, but he won't say "Dean" or "Dad" or tell them when he's hungry.
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When Dean is seven and Sammy is four and they're all just barely hanging on, John wonders if he's really screwed up taking care of his kids.
If driving around until Sam falls asleep because it won't happen any other way is bad for Dean.
If it's his fault that Sam isn't talking yet.
If Dean doesn't mind not knowing any other kids his own age, never staying in the same town long enough to make friends. He remembers long afternoons outside from his own childhood, hide and seek in the woods and model cars and sledding down snow-covered hills.
If he accidentally broke his youngest son before he ever really got to know him.
John doesn't know if he's doing this right.
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bright bright FLASHY LIGHTS white and RED and yellow yellow yellow
car
car
hum hum rumble hum
smells bad big room
SCRATCHY BLANKETS
NO NO NO NO
"Sammy-it's-okay"
dark and dark and soft and dark
scratch
hum
scratch
rumble
scratch
light
itchy itchy bright loud BEEP BEEP BEEP
NONONONONONONO--
"Sammy-it's-okay"
soft and soft and small lights and blue shirt
BLUE shirt BLUE shirt
blueblueblueblueblueyesblue
"Let's-eat-breakfast-Sammy"
crunchy crunchy cold crunchy
white bowl white spoon
light light light pictures light
TURTLE POWER!
"That's-right-buddy"
TURTLE POWER! TURRRRRTLE POWWWER!
"You-can-be-Donatello"
hmmmm crunchy
hmmmm pictures
hmmmm Dean
hmmmm soft
hmmmm Sammy it's okay