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Language:
English
Series:
Part 1 of Lessons to Living and Loving
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Published:
2019-09-30
Updated:
2020-12-02
Words:
44,187
Chapters:
21/22
Comments:
141
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641
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Fading Winter

Summary:

She knows that doing this will not solve anything, and people who may have cared for her more than she's ever had realized might end up hurt... but she had stopped thinking for a while.

It hurts, and she doesn't like this pain.

It becomes unbearable and the only thing she believes that could get this burning sensation away was to drown. She falls from the empty bridge, and the world goes cold and numb. She finds herself awake, alone in a world blanketed in snow.

The burning sensation is still there, but it fades away when she sees them smiling at her.

Notes:

I'm not very good at keeping my promises. I'm very much aware of that and I try... but my brain dies and I lost the motivation to continue old stories. Also trying to do tags for AO3 works with my phone is an absolute pain in the ass. I've given up trying to do things on the computer as the silence I want is never there and I don't like people staring at me while I type my stories...

So the first chapter actually starts off before the Kimetsu no Yaiba series, I kinda wanted to do something like watching baby Tanjiro grow up and all (please agree with me that smol Tanjirou and Nezuko are the greatest gifts to ever exist--); but yes, there are also triggers involved like depression, suicide and the like. I couldn't find the right tags that doesn't involve another fandom and no, I cannot make new tags with this shitty keyboard of this cursed phone of mine that skips to the next thing to make the new story.

Regardless, forgive me if the chapters come off as very short... my phone is terribly small and I would have used my tablet had it not been for the fact the screen is an absolute mess and the touch input is partially broken so it is an absolute no go. There is no beta for this and there will probably be a lot of mistakes in these chapters so bear with me please.

Chapter 1: Fall to Winter

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

It was cold, yet it doesn't stop the burning sensation in your body and the terrible thoughts that run in your head. It hurts, it always did hurt when you grew up in a household where people seems to always scream and yell each other with so many curses and accusations that would make people question everything about their decisions. You never could remembered a time where everything in the world was quiet, warm and soothing... It was hardly something you'd fine in such a chaotic household full of people who you should have called your family.

Except you don't, might never will see them as your own kin. They were different, violent... it was a wonder how you were not killed when you were born... but perhaps those times when you were at the age of forgetfulness that they had been happy once. That they had once showered your little form with so much love and kindness, adoring you as you grew older by the day and made new progresses everytime... and that they had once provided you with the loving warmth the other people had described to you.

...But you never got to see those times when you began to remember things going on in your life. It was always a fight when you'd wake up. It was always a sneer you'd see when they look at you walk in. It was always harsh and loud words when they speak to you. You've grown used to it, numb to it even... but it still burns you inside and it always left you in pain. The world outside the chaotic household was not too different, but it was better. It didn't directly involve you and you were fine with it.

The pain inside got unbearable though, and so you found yourself trying to distract yourself from the pain and terrible thoughts... but they were always still there when you'd find a place that was quiet and soothing... it was growing worse and you'd hardly notice the concern around others until you feel yourself snap into pieces. The last thing you could remember was the cold wind of autumn and the sound of the leaves brushing against the ground... then you felt, a sharp freezing pain hits you all over and you find yourself in absolute silence...

Only to wake up, alone and in the snow. It still burns everywhere inside, but the outside as well. You also noticed your clothes were different, the world around you so terribly unfamiliar and you don't remember anything but the pain and these terrible thoughts haunting you. You hear footsteps and turned your head, an unfamilar man with red eyes and hair was walking towards you. The first thing you noticed about him were his eyes.

They were so warm.

He stops at a safe distance away from you, and one look he gave to you made him seem to know everything of what was going on. You weren't sure how he could tell, but the gentle hand and the small smile on his face beckons you over like a moth to a flame. You didn't understand why or how, but the questions you had died away and after finding yourself in a rather cozy home full of warmth and care... you found that the pain had gone away and that unfamiliar feelings started to flow through your body and mind...

It was warm, and you found that you liked it better than the burning pain and terrible thoughts... especially when you saw a young woman holding up an infant in your arms. Your world changed so quickly in a moment, but you cared little about it as you found people who you could call a true family. The very choice was solidified when the tiny baby boy's hand grasped your fingers, sleepily smiling at you which made the world feel so much brighter.

That was the very moment you had found yourself smiling for the first time; happy and hopeful for this new future of yours. What a wonderful moment it had been for you. The best in any life you've ever had.

 

Notes:

There is a lot going on in my head, and I'm very much cursing up a storm to the thing called my life.

There will be a lot of changes in characters (seriously, I know next to nothing about the rest of the Kamado family and I'm shit at keeping people in character because I'm always crying while I type my stories for some reason, mostly because I'm thinking about a lot of disgustingly terrible sad ideas) so please bear with this chaos and my idiocy.

Notes about the Chapter:

The time you were in the Modern world, you were around eighteen when you died.

When you were... reincarnated or something like that, you were about four. Tanjirou was only three months old by then so by the main timeline of KnY, you'd be nineteen.

This dumbass of mine cannot tell how old the rest of the siblings are so I'd like to believe Takeo is about two years younger than Nezuko, and then the rest follow through the year younger pattern. (Stupid brain of mine can't think straight for shit so you may curse me on that if you'd like, I'll take the fire with me).