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‘I’m so stupid’, thinks Kao, remembering what he told Pete while they were fighting. Although he believes Pete was being unreasonable in his request, he hates that he went there and brought up the subject of Pete’s complicated relationship with his father. ‘Way to be a good boyfriend’, he thinks to himself.
He had realized his mistake as soon as he saw Pete’s face fall right after Kao had blamed his father’s lack of trust on his immaturity and selfishness. Pete had taken a small step back, as though he had been hit, and his small ‘Kao’ had made the hurt and disbelief Pete was feeling clear as day.
After that, he had quickly left, and Kao hadn’t tried to hold him back, knowing that they both needed some time to cool off.
‘I can be such an asshole,’ he thinks to himself a couple hours after the fight, as he is taking another look at his boyfriend that is currently sitting alone in front of his father’s pool.
Kao quietly makes his way up to Pete, and sits silently next to him. He knows that Pete is aware of his presence by the way his shoulders tense a little, but he doesn’t do anything to acknowledge him and something tugs in Kao’s stomach. He hates fighting with Pete. After two years, they’ve obviously had many disagreements and a few knockout fights, but he always feels so off kilter after, and he hates the nasty feeling he gets in his stomach because of them.
They both sit silently for a couple minutes, Kao studying the side of Pete’s face and trying to get him to look his way, although Pete remains unmoving.
He knows that he hurt Pete’s feelings with his comment. He could read it on his face right away, and it’s clear now by the downturn of Pete’s mouth and the wetness that Kao can still discern shining in the boy’s eyes.
He had regretted the words the moment they left his mouth. Although he can admit that it was partly true and that Pete was being unreasonable during their talk, he regrets having brought up the subject knowing how Pete would feel after.
His boyfriend had really opened up to him a couple of nights ago. He had told him how worthless he often felt when surrounded by his father’s rich friend’s and their sons, and in spite of how happy Kao had been to see his closed off boyfriend open up to him, he he had just used that moment of vulnerability to throw Pete’s insecurities back in his face.
He knows he shouldn’t have said what he said, but he had just been so frustrated with Pete trying to buy him and telling him who he should and shouldn’t tutor. He hates how jealous Pete sometimes gets, and he just wishes the other boy could see himself through Kao’s eyes. Wishes he could understand how he has absolutely nothing to worry about.
Still, he can’t get the hurt look on Pete’s face when he made that comment out of his head, and he knows he needs to fix the situation before it keeps hurting the both of them.
After a couple minutes of silence, Kao tries to reach out to Pete by putting his hand on his shoulder, but his boyfriend shrugs him off, sitting a little further away from him and still looking into the swimming pool in front of him instead of turning towards him. Ignoring the sting of hurt at his boyfriend’s rejection, Kao takes a deep breath and shoulders on.
‘I’m sorry for what I said about your father,’ he says, trying to get Pete to look him in the eyes. ‘I was mad, and I was frustrated, but that’s no excuse. I don’t think you’re selfish, and I shouldn’t have thrown that in your face.’
Pete remains silent, and Kao worries his lip with his teeth. The boy is usually never silent for this long. Pete will sulk, he will argue back and act petulant, he will whine and complain when he’s mad, but he almost never gives Kao the silent treatment, and Kao knows he must have really crossed a line. The still and silent way he is holding himself right now doesn’t sit well with him.
‘Pete. Please, talk to me. I hate it when we fight,’ Kao tries again, feeling worry grow within him. He reaches his hand towards Pete’s arm again and squeezes, bracing himself for rejection.
Although Pete stays still and doesn’t shrug him off a second time, he remains silent and Kao is at a loss, not knowing what he can do or say to make Pete talk to him.
They sit in uncomfortable silence for a while more, Kao growing more and more worried, before Pete finally speaks.
‘I’m sorry,’ he says in a small voice, still not looking at Kao.
Kao whips his head towards him, not believing the words he just heard. An apology had been the last thing he expected from Pete, and he has no idea what could have prompted it.
‘Pete…,’ Kao starts saying, but the other man cuts him off.
‘I shouldn’t have tried to give you money, you were right about that. And I shouldn’t tell you who you can and can’t hang out with or tutor. I really hate him, but it’s your choice if you want to spend some time with Non, I shouldn’t interfere,’ Pete says, still not looking at Kao.
At those words, a small chuckle escapes Kao’s mouth. Although Kao is happy to hear those words coming from Pete’s mouth, he can’t quite believe how stupid his boyfriend can be sometimes. He appreciates what Pete is saying and yes, he’s right, he really does get no say in who Kao spend time with. But really, how can he be this blind ?
‘Pete,’ he starts saying, not wanting his boyfriend to misinterpret his laugh earlier. ‘You think I actually want to tutor him ? The first time I met him, he cut in line, acted all entitled, and then proceeded to spill some coffee all over me. After all of that, you think I actually want to see him ? Plus, do you really think I enjoy spending my time tutoring a highschool brat instead of spending it with my boyfriend ?’ He asks, incredulous.
Kao sees a small smile reach Pete’s lips, although he still won’t look him in the eyes. Kao barely refrains from rolling his eyes. Of course the only thing that gets a reaction out of Pete is him calling the other boy a brat. Typical.
‘Look,’ he says after a few seconds of silence. ‘I know you hate him, and I know he makes you uncomfortable. I wish you would trust me, but I don’t want us to fight over him anymore. If you really want me to, I’ll stop tutoring him. And next time sometimes comes between us, I promise that I’ll choose you first.’
At those words, Pete finally whips his head around and look at him, surprise and emotion shining in his eyes. Looking at him now, Kao feels his heart clench in his chest. The shock on Pete’s face makes it clear that he never expected this from Kao, never expected to be someone’s priority. Kao can’t believe that after two years, Pete doesn’t understand how important he is to Kao. That after two years of them being happy together, he doesn’t realize that he’s one of the most important people in Kao’s life, and he’ll always be one of his priorities.
If he’s honest, the surprise in Pete’s eyes hurts a little. He doesn’t know what he did to make Pete doubt his feelings for him, but he vows that he’ll do better in the future. Him and Pete aren’t always the most affectionate towards each other, but he hates the thought of him doubting his importance to Kao. He just won’t accept that.
Pete looks at him silently, the emotion he’s feeling made clear by the unshed tears in his eyes. Kao looks away from Pete’s eyes in embarrassment, not used to being this outspoken about his feelings, and getting more and more uncomfortable the longer Pete stays silent. His boyfriend is usually the one dropping smooth lines and being expressive, he really expected him to have said something by now, and he doesn’t quite know where to put himself.
After a few seconds, Pete shakes his head, as if clearing the thoughts from his mind.
‘You don’t have to do that Kao,’ he ends up saying.
Before Kao has the time to process what Pete just said, the other boy keeps on talking.
‘You’re right, maybe I am selfish,’ he says with a small smile.
‘Pete…,’ Kao tries to refute, hating that he was the one who said those words in the first place and put that thought in his head.
But Pete continues speaking before before he has the time to say more.
‘No, you were right. I know I can be selfish sometimes. But you know, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my friends and family. I know you’re doing this for your mom and your sister, and well… They’re my family too,’ he finishes casually, shrugging his shoulders before turning back towards the pool.
Kao feels his throat tighten at these words, and he keeps staring at the side of Pete’s face in shock. This time, he’s the one that’s left speechless because of what his boyfriend said.
‘Really, though. Trust Pete to utter something so important with the utmost casualness,’ he thinks to himself, before shaking his head in disbelief.
‘They’re my family too’, he’d said, and a smile slowly breaks on Kao’s face. He really shouldn’t have been this surprised by Pete’s reaction.
Sometimes, they both get so caught up in their bickering and other issues, that Kao forgets that him and Pete have been through so much together already, and that Pete loves his family. Pete was there to help his mom when she was sick because they even got together, for god’s sake. Add to that the countless nights that Pete’s spent at his house, eating dinner with all of Kao’s family, and his mother cooking all of his favorite dishes… Of course Pete loves his mother. Just like Kao himself has so much respect and fondness for Pete’s father.
With love shining in his eyes, Kao cups Pete’s cheeks in between his hands, and pulls a little to encourage the other man to look at him. When Pete finally turns his face towards him, Kao can read the embarrassment reddening his cheeks, and before Pete has the time to say anything to take back the sweet words spoken, Kao brings him closer and kisses him sweetly.
Pete being Pete, however, he instantly tries to make the kiss deeper and pull his boyfriend closer, prompting Kao to laugh against his lips. Some things never change.
He drops a couple more short kisses on the other man’s lips, before he pulls away and drops his forehead against Pete’s shoulder, wanting to be close to the other man.
‘Always so horny,’ he says, shaking his head against Pete’s shoulder and laughing softly.
Pete shrugs his shoulder at that, purposefully dislodging Kao’s head from its resting place.
‘And there you go ruining the moment again,’ he answers, turning his face back towards the swimming pool and pretending to be mad.
A quick look at Pete’s face is enough for Kao to see the tightness around his lips where he is trying to hold his smile however, and Kao can’t help but laugh again before dropping one last kiss on Pete’s shoulder.
They still have a lot to talk about, and the sickness he felt in his stomach after Pete walked away from him earlier still terrorizes him and makes him wonder how he could ever live without Pete if something happened between them.
Somehow though, he knows they’ll be okay. He loves this goof so much, and he knows that whatever comes their way, they’ll figure it out. Together.