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Zenitsu was inlove.
This was the hardest thing he ever came to terms with. Yes, he was inlove and hopelessly so.
Zenitsu, who had always been sincere and completely honest with himself couldn't bear that one truth. He was a coward, he had admitted to himself, weak, loud and obnoxious...a crybaby. He knew it, he was told it and he'd tell it to anyone who was willing to hear. He never tried to deny his feelings. When he saw a pretty girl and decided he liked her, he will openly admit it! Going as far as to bravely (pathetically) confess to her even if in most cases-if not all-the girl didn't reciprocate his feelings.
It took him years to finally admit it to himself. Zenitsu was inlove with his best friend, Kamado Tanjirou.
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Ever since he could remember, he was able to hear sounds no normal human being should be able to. He had been gifted (cursed?) with heightened hearing. He could hear murmured secrets from far away as if they were yelled right in his hears. Apparently, that wasn't normal so people called it 'weird'. Zenitsu didn't know what to make of it. But as strange as it sounds, he was also able to hear something else, something deeper, more intimate. It was a sound coming from people's heart. He had come to know that each person had their own unique melody, the partition of which -he will later learn- was composed from their past, dream, fear, personality...making them who they are. Their sounds sometimes will get altered by strong emotions ( care, worry, anger etc). But there was a sound, so beautiful and peaceful, so warm...a sound that only one can produce with another, and who'd sometimes mix together.
He would hear it from mothers while gazing at their kids, a man and a woman staring at each other, siblings holding hands etc.
Love.
Was the name of the melody.
Zenitsu had always seek for that sound, wondering if he himself could make such a beautiful melody and who knows?maybe with someone to match it with theirs. So as a stupid kid, he will chase after any girl who looked at him twice, even though they'll always use him and leave him heartbroken. He knew-from their sound-that they never loved him and felt only repulsion but he kept on, hoping that one day he'd be able to win their heart and together, produce that melody.
Then he met 'Gramps', who will pay off his debts (after being deceived once more by a girl) and take him in. His sound was that of a storm, harsh and unrelenting, with thunder and lightning piercing through the sky. For some reasons, he found it oddly comforting and always felt appease listening to it. Then there was that sound, Love, one he'd always searched for, playing from his Gramps each time his gaze will fall on Zenitsu-tho sometimes tinged with annoyance or anger-it was definitely there! And damn if he didn't cry when he finally, finally, heard that sound directed at him...It wasn't quite what he'd looked for, but he was so so thankful for it! The first person who ever loved him.
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Zenitsu came to terms with one think. He wasn't cut out for love. Apart from his Gramps (Thank God!) the only sound he'd ever hear from anyone when it came to him was only either disgust or annoyance and sometimes both. So yeah he understood, on top of his bad luck he was loud, a crybaby, a coward and obnoxious...not to mention that he wasn't the most good looking fellow out there, with his sloppy haircut and stupid hair colour (Thanks to that lightning!), he had an overbite and his expression was stuck in that of constant worry thanks to his anxieties. So Zenitsu knew no one will ever complement his sound, let alone put up with him. Even his parents when he was just a baby couldn't, so who could?.
That didn't stop Zenitsu from trying though (even when he knew it was useless), so that's why (he will always cringe remembering this) he found himself at the side of the road heading towards his next mission as a demon slayer ( God hated him!) pathetically clutching a poor girl's shoulders begging her to marry him with tears and snot grossly running down his face, when he heard the sound for the first time (actually second but he was too immersed in his inner turmoil to really notice it at the time). A melody so gentle and pure which screamed hope and care and kindness it almost made Zenitsu cower.
Kamado Tanjirou.
The name of the boy with the purest sound Zenitsu ever heard.
After some yelling, Zenitsu was finally detached from the girl-not after receiving a beating from said girl-and now headed to his next mission with Tanjirou where they'll meet a boar man, albeit a pretty one, by the name of Inosuke Hashibira. And he'll meet Nezuko (Tanjirou's really pretty sister) a demon but a nice one and so their journey started.
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Zenitsu tried to ignore it.
The butterflies he'll get in his belly each time Tanjirou smiled at him, with that sound that screamed friendship, care, Love. It never was quite like that but Zenitsu will always get warm (a bit too much) when he'll caught that sound directed at him. Tried to ignore the sparks he'll feel wherever Tanjirou will touch him. He tried hard to ignore all of it cuz he knew where this was headed to and he absolutely didn't want to get there. So instead he'll turn to Nezuko and gush about her beauty, proclaiming his undying love for her. 'Cuz at least that he could do.
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Love wasn't for him.
Zenitsu knew it, he knew it! Knew it!! and yet-dammit!- he'd let...these feelings, whatever they were, for his best friend grow. He'll deny them, deny it 'cuz he knew, knows, that Tanjirou will never feel the same.
Tanjirou loved him. The same as he loved Inosuke or Nezuko because they were family. Siblings. And Tanjirou will protect them, protect him, 'cuz he was the older brother (I'm older than you!) and that's what older brothers did.
That was the problem. Tanjirou only saw him as a younger sibling (I'm older!!) and nothing more. It was wrong for him to have these feelings (what feelings?!) for Tanjirou. Wrong for him to have shivers running down his spine each time Tanjirou innocent smile was directed at him. Wrong to have that warm feeling in his stomach each time he heard that sound directed at him.
No.
He didn't want to taint Tanjirou's pure sound with his. ( awful, awful)
Plus he'd seen it already, heard it. He wasn't the only one whom Tanjirou has caught the eyes of (what are you even talking about?!) of course.
Tsuyuri Kanao.
Even without any heightened senses, you'd be an idiot if you didn't notice it. The way her-already-soft smile turned even softer in Tanjirou's presence and her eyes (eye?) brightened when turned on him. Of course this wouldn't have been a problem if it wasn't reciprocated. If Tanjirou's gaze wouldn't linger on her a second too long each time they parted or his smile wouldn't brighten when she walked in the same room or even the loudest, most painful realisation...If Tanjirou's sound didn't grow more beautiful when directed at her.
Zenitsu never stood a chance anyway. Kanao was kind, pretty and selfless, brave. She deserved Tanjirou and Tanjirou deserved her. They fit perfectly. After all-from what he'd heard from the little girls talking-it was Tanjirou who was able to make her forgo her little coin, lead her in the art of self-decision-making and, in a way, made her human again. Kanao deserved the world and Tanjirou was more than it.
It was just normal that she'd end up liking him and vice versa.
Zenitsu didn't know why it hurt so much though.
Maybe because such a pretty girl likes Tanjirou? Yeah definitely!...but it didn't explain why, after the defeat of Muzan, being turned back into a human and regaining her consciousness, when Nezuko tried to reciprocate his feelings he didn't feel exhilarated by the knowledge of such a pretty girl liking him! of course at first he was excited! but it didn't last long and then all he felt was...nothing...only the deep affection a brother will feel for his younger sister. But how? he had the longest and hardest crush he could remember on her. But now the only person who came in his mind was Tanjirou (what?)...and though he tried to ignore these feelings and devote all his attention on Nezuko, it didn't feel right. Plus he will never play with a girl's, especially Nezuko, heart like that. So he'll turn her down (gently of course!). She seemed confused at first but smiled nonetheless and nodded, respecting his decision (what a wonderful girl!).
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Zenitsu heard it.
After all that happened, the defeat of Muzan and all, they all-the three of them with Kanao-became pillars and now devoted all their energy in the defeat of the last demons(maybe curing the more willing). Demons had become scarce enough to have plenty of rest time inbetween missions but not scarce enough to relax completely plus with the defeat of their master they became even more vicious.
It was during one of those peaceful moments where no demon was caught in sight that Zenitsu found himself sitting on the wooden floor outside the infirmary facing the gardens. He was just back from one of his missions and came for the regular check up. It was raining that day. Zenitsu had always loved the sound of the rain. He even loved that of thunder once upon a time when hadn't fell victim of its anger. Thankfully there were none today, just the peaceful sound of soft rain hitting the ground. So Zenitsu sat, long damped hair out of its usual ponytail falling over his shoulders, listening and watching the rain.
I should cut them. He thought absentmindedly while twirling a golden strand on his finger. It's becoming too much of a bother to dry it.
Then he heard it.
The sound he'd always wish to obtain, to produce, to match. It screamed care and happiness and passion and, and...Love. So much it was overwhelming. His heart clenched and somehow he already knew but he still turned to the direction of the sound, heart beating fast, to see Tanjirou, a sheepish smile on his lips, outside an open door. Not long after, Kanao emerged from the same room looking down, a beautiful red on her pale cheeks matching that of Tanjirou's. The latter took her hand in his and when their gaze met...It was like an explosion of symphonies, their sound mixing with each other in the same rhythm.
Love love love love.
So much love. It was beautiful, warm, sincere and it squeezed Zenitsu's heart so painfully he forgot to breathe.
They giggled stupidly, staring at each other, pulling themselves away from the open door and walking down the corridor whispering sweet nothings into each other ears, disappearing from Zenitsu's blurring vision. But their sound stayed loud and clear in his ears, their love, and he knew it, knew, knew they'd end up making that sound but gods does it hurt.
Something wet splashed on his hands and he distantly registered the fact that he was crying. His head throbbed and his ears were ringing but it was nothing compared to the pain in his heart, no physical wound he had 'til now could compare to it.
Ah, he was inlove, wasn't he?
He wanted to scream but his throat felt too tight. It all made sense now. A silly boy he was. He should've known...why didn't he know? He should've and yet... it hurt and he cried and cried and cried 'cuz that's all he could do now and after all, he was the best at it. It was his fault anyways, he'd deny it and let it grow and grow until it had ripped his chest open , let his heart slipped off his sleeves onto Tanjirou's foot. He couldn't blame Tanjirou for not seeing it. After all , he too didn't notice it until Tanjirou had stepped on it unknowingly.
It was amazing how Zenitsu seem to never receive that one thing he himself was full of giving. And love he did. He loved, loved, loved, loved 'til it left him shaking and breathless, his entire body raking with violent cough.
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It was far too easy. Zenitsu will think some days after his (inner) confession. It was far too easy to fall for that smile and sound. Yeah, Zenitsu never stood a chance. He fell and fell hard.
Now that the initial shock had lessened, his mind felt clearer though his chest still hurt as much. He was happy for them. He really was. And though it filled him with an intense sadness, he knew his friends deserved to be happy...to be loved. It was kinda funny how all those days passed alone in his mansion away from his friends grieving his loss, felt like the world was falling apart and that nothing could ever be the same. But no, the world was still there, solid underneath his feet, still the same as how he left it.
He smiled bitterly.
He heard Tanjirou's sound nearing him. Care, worry, it screamed.
"Zenitsu! Are you ok? We haven't seen you in awhile..."
"Oh hey Tanjirou. Yeah don't worry! Caught a cold and I didn't want to pass it to all of you"
"Oh no! You should've told us, you sure you're fine?"
"Yeah yeah I'm fine now" He smiled "c'mon, let's go meet the others"
Tanjirou brightened, happily marching ahead though there was still slight concern in his sound. Zenitsu watched him go,his heart squeezed painfully and his smile turned sad. Ah, not everything will be quite the same, eh?. He coughed.
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Zenitsu sat alone in the corner. All their closest friend all joined in the room as requested from Tanjirou and Kanao. Zenitsu already knew what they wanted to say, was sure everyone-maybe not Inosuke-knew it too.
He sighed, gently coughing in his hand. The pressure in his chest had become heavier and heavier each passing day so much that he wasn't so sure if it was just from a broken heart. His lungs burned and even those soft coughs shot pain through his entire being. This cold thing was just supposed to be an excuse!
"Zenitsu, are you alright?" Nezuko asked sitting beside him. Oh! how blessed he was! having such a wonderful girl worrying about him!
"I'm alright Nezuko-chan! thanks for your concern! but please don't worry!" He gushed, trying to reassure her but Nezuko's beautiful face scrunched up in worry. Ah! as good as it felt he couldn't in good conscience let Nezuko worry herself with his wellbeing!. He opened his mouth to give her more reassurances but was stopped by the sound, that overwhelming beat.
Tanjirou.
The shoji door slide opened and from behind entered Tanjirou.
Kanao.
With Kanao, their fingers intertwined with matching red on their cheeks.
Love.
All the chatters in the room ceased and all he could hear was it , their love...strong, beautiful, passionate...painful.
"Hello guys!sorry for taking your time in your day off" Tanjirou breaked the silence, eyes running around the room, a smile tugged at his lips seemingly satisfied.
"Thanks for coming" Kanao said softly, while both bowed. "We have something we wish to share with all of you" She continued smiling up at Tanjirou.
"Yes," Tanjirou smiled wider " I wish to present to you all today my fiancee" He gestured towards Kanao.
"We are going to marry soon" Kanao finished, looking back at their friends reaction.
Zenitsu felt dizzy as the voices in the room rose with joy. Excitement, happiness, love so much emotions mixing with each other and their sound growing louder and louder. His chest burned with violent cough taking over his whole body and all hurt. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt. He felt something lodge in his throat, pushing to get out so he coughed and coughed choking on whatever was in his throat, barely registering the crowd surrounding him and Nezuko's hand on his back. Finally, after being able to cough it out, he stared at what came out of his throat before passing out.On the ground lay four saliva coated pink flower petals.
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"I'm sorry for spoiling your engagement announcement."
Zenitsu laid on the mattress of an infirmary bed. Apparently he'd been Immediately transported there after passing out. He had woken up to the feeling of warm callous hands In his and the sight of Tanjirou sitting on a chair beside his bed, staring worriedly at him.
"It's not your fault! please don't worry about it! worry about getting better!" Tanjirou squeezed his hand.
"Of course, of course! but don't think I'm letting you off so easily!" He screeched at a confused Tanjirou, trying to lighten up the mood. "You actually got a fiancee before me Tanjirou! that's so unfair!" He whined. Tanjirou smiled, his sound shifting to something softer, fonder(you'd think it'll be the contrary!). Before he could answer, Aoi and Kanao entered his room sounding conflicted.
"Ah, Kanao-chan! sorry for ruining your engagement announcement!"
Kanao smiled. "It's ok, Zenitsu-san" She glanced at Tanjirou, their sound mixing with each other and suddenly he was reminded of the burning pain in his lungs.
"We don't really know what it is" Aoi started with a frown after throwing Tanjirou out. 'Patient confidentiality' she'd yelled. They asked him questions like 'when the coughing started', 'does it hurt somewhere' etc. They also took samples of his blood for testing(he almost passed out).
"We're sorry, we haven't yet come across something quite like this" Kanao continued looking at him. Ah his sickness.
"What then? I'm gonna die that's it?! Oh no!! I don't WANNA DIE!!" He screamed.
"SHUT UP!" Aoi screamed back "For all we know it could be just a cold. I mean, the symptoms are matching" She said hesitantly "Though it doesn't explain the flower petals..." She mumbled to herself but of course Zenitsu could catch it.
"Ah," he smiled "ok I trust you! I'm sure it's nothing to worry about!" He laughed.
Kanao mirrored his smile "yeah, I'm sure" worry, doubt, he wish he couldn't hear.
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He's been coughing more of those pink petals. It will always leave him breathless and in a world of pain. Recently, they had been small specks of blood with them. It was worrying to say the least. He kept it to himself(and Kanao and Aoi too obviously)he didn't want to worry anyone. So for now anybody who asked will be informed that he caught a nasty cold.
Zenitsu was walking through his garden's residence, catering to some flowers. He was told to take it easy but that didn't mean he'd let his garden uncared for! He'd always been proud of his garden! He loved the activity too, it was relaxing...plus being taken as a student by Gramps didn't only mean training! So of course he had a green hand!...Gramps...
He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the sound of Inosuke and Tanjirou rapidly approaching, the former more so than the latter. He turned his head to the direction of their sounds to be greeted by the sight of a familiar boar mask.
"What the-GYAAA"
"Pig assault!" Was yelled before a body crashed into his.
"You idiotic boar! Get the hell of me!!" Zenitsu hissed, shoving the body on top of his but of course it didn't budge!
"Fight me Benitsu! You haven't been showing up on trainings lately! You're gonna become super weak if it continues!" Inosuke yelled RIGHT IN HIS EARS! "Well, more so than usual! Can't let one of my minions slacking off!" Cackling madly.
"Inosuke!" Tanjirou yelled, finally catching up to them."Zenitsu can't fight with you! He is sick!" He grabbed the boar by either side "And get off! You're crushing him!" He hauled the man off Zenitsu.
"Tanjirouuuuu!!" Zenitsu sniffed "My savior! Thank you!" He clinged to the other haori, hiding away from the boar.
"There there," Tanjirou patted his head "It's ok! You need to rest to get better!"
Inosuke huffed "Then fight me Monjirou!"
"Ugh! Is that all you think about!" Zenitsu yelled "Atleast say sorry!"
"That's right Inosuke" Tanjirou supplied "You should apologize, that's no way to treat a sick person" He reprimanded.
"Tsk, as if I will. Fight me already Gonpachiro!"
"AHHH!!!YOU'RE SO INFURIATING! PLEASE STOP ALRE-" He was cut off as he doubled over, coughing in his hands. Ugh he should have known yelling will be a bad idea! Now his throat and lungs burned.
"Zenitsu! Oh no! Are you alright?!" Tanjirou panicked, a hand on his back as he coughed his lungs out.
"It's ok...I'm...alright...donotworry..." He managed to say in between painful coughs.
Finally,the coughing and pain subsided enough for him to stand straight once more, watching his friends reaction. Tanjirou was supporting him unsurprisingly, looking and sounding concerned.
"Are you ok?" He asked.
"Yeah yeah, I'm ok now" He smiled. At least no blood or flower petals came out this time...
His attention was diverted towards Inosuke who was scarily unmoving. Even his sound, that he associated with wild life and roaring waterfalls, was still. He looked contemplative...or shocked...really with the boar mask on it was difficult to know what he was thinking.
"Hey," He finally said approaching Zenitsu like some predator stalking it's prey. "Something's wrong with you." He finished dead serious.
"Jeez, thank you." Zenitsu tried to laugh it off.
"No no! I'm not talking about that! It's like..." He trailed off and whatever trance he was in seemed to be over as his sound came back in full force and volume."Oh whatever! I'm hungry already!" He took off certainly going to annoy Aoi or someone else for food. Zenitsu sighed, letting out the breath he didn't know he was holding. He glanced at Tanjirou's direction who was smiling fondly at the retreating boar's figure. He looks handsome. He thought. Kanao sure is lucky.
Suddenly, the hand on his shoulder trailed down to his waist, and in a quick movement, his body collided against the other, head against broad chest.
Too close!!!. Zenitsu turned beet red, eyes cast firmly downwards. Tanjirou!! What the hell?! His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a soft noise above him...wait..was..was Tanjirou sniffing him??
"Hmm" Tanjirou made as if deep in thought. "You smell like flowers." And as an after thought "Well, more so than usual."
Of course he could smell it! Zenitsu berated himself.
"Ah! Must be the effect of the garden." He laughed "I've been here since morning"
Tanjirou smiled "Yeah, I guess so."
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Zenitsu found himself in the infirmary bed again, from passing out after throwing up a whole flower.
"Hanahaki disease." Aoi said somberly. "It's the only think we found matching your symptoms." They had apparently found it in Shinobu's records. A disease who attacked those suffering from unrequited love....figures.
"So..." Zenitsu trailed off hesitantly "There's no treatment?"
Kanao shook her head slowly. "None that we came across yet." She said stressing her last word.
"You said Shinobu-san's book never recorded a survivor.."
"No! But that doesn't mean it's a lost cause! We will find a cure!" Aoi stated firmly.
But there was only one cure in existence. The person they loved love them back. Zenitsu looked at Kanao. Impossible. He thought.
"I'm sure it'll be fine." Kanao reassured with a smile. Doubt, worry, fear, determination clouded her sound.
"Yeah I'm sure." Zenitsu couldn't marvel at how much emotions Kanao was feeling as he turned to observe the thing growing in his lungs. Pink peonies. They were said to bring luck and good fortune. How ironic. Zenitsu almost laughed.
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"You're dying."
It wasn't a surprise, after all, Zenitsu had been waiting to hear those words. It's been a month now and with each passing days, Zenitsu grew weaker and weaker and the pain only intensified.
Zenitsu knew they wouldn't be able to find a cure so quickly. They wouldn't, by some miracle, find one when none or even something close to a cure was registered just because he caught the disease.
Of all the things that could've killed him...he'd die by the hands of love. Puking flowers. How funny. He, who always thought he'd die in battle, eaten by a demon or succumbing to his injuries. To be honest, he didn't get how he ended up as a pillar. Well, it was a miracle he even lived this long in the first place. He guess all good things had to come to an end, right?
"We couldn't-" Aoi bite her lower lip, hands tightening into fists. Zenitsu would've normally wonder at how worked up she got just because of him if he wasn't filling so bitter. No tears even came out of his eyes. It was weird. Every time he'd thought about dying, he'll cry and scream, giving himself a panic attack but now that he actually was...his eyes felt too dry. So instead he smiled at them.
"It's ok," Lies. "It's fine." He turned to Kanao " Stop worrying so much about me, eh? I'm flattered but I also know you have a wedding soon so go prepare it" Kanao pursed her lips, tears rolling down her flush cheeks. She looked beautiful.
"I'm sorry" She croaked, her lips turned upside down. Aoi turned away, giving him her back but he could hear her sound grieving.
"It's ok" He said again. " It's not your fault." That I fell inlove with your husband-to-be.
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"It's just a really bad cold! Don't worry! Worry about your wedding first."
"It's been months now Zenitsu! What kind of cold is that?"
"I told you! I'm weak and even my immune system is! I'm fine Tanjirou! You worry too much." He didn't seem convinced.
"How not to worry? Zenitsu, you're my family...you're really important to me" It's not like that! He reminded himself.
"Aww thanks Tanjirou! But I'm okay! Promise! Now go! I'm still mad at you for marrying before me" Tanjirou laughed.
"Mhmm" He looked somber once more. "I hope it is." He headed towards the door. "If you need anything, no matter what, just ask me." Then love me. He wanted to scream. Love me. Instead he said,
"I'm ok, don't worry." He didn't know who he was trying to reassure.
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He stood beside Tanjirou and Inosuke, rearranging the former's black haori.
"Ugh, I'm so nervous guys."Despite his words a big smile was perched on his lips.
"Well, stay put already! At this rate you'll never be ready! You'll be late at your own wedding! And what will you say, huh?! Will you now please stop fidgeting!" Zenitsu complained.
"Ah! Sorry Zenitsu!" He looked anything but apologetic.
"Anyways," Zenitsu huffed. "I'm still mad at you for marrying first!" He tightened the hobby to emphasize his words.
"Haha sorry sorry." He laughed.
"What are you still doing Benitsu? Monjirou?! Hurry up! I wanna eat already!"
Inosuke called from where he was seated.
"Wedding aren't meant for that! Boar-face." Well, some parts yeah, if not they wouldn't be any buffet but YOU GET MY POINT!! "And wear your haori correctly! No boar mask too!" Zenitsu stormed towards Inosuke giving him the same ministrations he did to Tanjirou.
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The marriage was quite a private affair. Only family and closest friends were present. Zenitsu sat beside Nezuko watching Tanjirou and Kanao exchanging wedding vows, sharing sake from a cup, tears in his eyes but for the wrong reasons. He imagined himself in Kanao's place, smiling and complementing sounds with Tanjirou.
The image disappeared as soon as it came. Plus he wasn't feeling the best. He felt like a walking Zombie who could drop dead at any second. He must look pale and sweaty ( If Nezuko's worried glances were any indication). He was tired as hell and each breath he took felt like breathing fire, but he pushed through the entire ceremony, smiling and cheering despite the pain (not only in his lungs) and maybe for sometimes he could pretend he really just had a cold, a really bad cold, one who shattered his lungs and turned his words into flower petals splattered with blood.
So he sat at the corner of the table watching the festivities unfold. Inosuke drinking sake directly from it's bottle, Nezuko talking animately with Kanroji-san while she stuffed her face, Obanai-san silently watching them, Giyuu talking with Urokodaki-san and so on. He smiled over his cup of sake, watching Aoi from the corner of his eyes as she hovered not so discreetly around him. She had become really patient with him these days. He really appreciated her concern but no matter what, the inevitable was bound to come. He turned his gaze to the newly wed couple, his smile turned bittersweet as he observed their interaction. Even without their sounds booming in his ears, he could see it, how happy they were. They really love each other, huh?. He thought as nausea settled in his stomach.
He was accompanied by Aoi to his room where he passed out immediately. He was exhausted and just wanted a reprieve from the pain that kept assaulting his entire being.
He woke up to a burning pain in his heart. It was still night, judging by the darkness in his room and-oh MY GOD IT HURTS. A hand shoot up to grip the clothing materials against his chest as if it had somehow lessen the pain. It felt like there was a knife in his chest, slowly moving, like a caress, up and down, tearing his lungs to shred. His stomach felt upset and his throat tickled. He threw up. Whole flowers. Blood and flowers left his mouth like a waterfall, His throat felt like it was being thorn and it hurts. In his pain, he didn't notice he was inching off the bed until he fell on the soiled wood, his own blood staining his yukuta and hair. The fall did nothing to help his situation as he continued to throw up. Stupid western bed! A simple futon would have been much more better!. Ah! Leave it to him to still have the energy to complain even when puking flowers!
This is it. He thought through the pain. I'm dying.This is it. I'm gonna die. Alone in the dark on a cold hard floor. Of course he was gonna die like this...what did he expect..? He curled in himself a sob escaping his lips.The darkness that fell on him wasn't welcome.
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The next morning, he woke up in the infirmary bed(where he tended to wake up really often nowadays). Apparently Tanjirou had found him after smelling blood and was transported here where Kanao and Aoi proceeded to tell him he was basically a deadman walking (he was more surprised he managed to survive that night!)
"Why didn't you tell us?" Nezuko sobbed, clutching his hand so tightly it hurt.
"..." Oh! Had he forgotten to mention? Apparently throwing up so much flowers had thorned his throat and had temporally took his ability of speech and God if it didn't hurt.
He patted her head as a sign of apology.
" I can't believe it! Stupid Senritsu!" Inosuke yelled from across the room, his sound both angry and grieving. Tanjirou was clutching Kanao's shoulder, sadness plaguing his sound. Ah, look at them! Both looking and sounding miserable a day after their wedding! It's all his fault... he brought only bad luck to people around him. Taking the board on the table near his bed (offered to him by Aoi to express himself), Nezuko let his hand go for him to scribble rapidly. Come on guys, I'm not dead already!. It said. More scribbles. I'm sorry about not saying it earlier but I was worried you'd worry too much... more scribbles. And you too!! He shoved the board furiously in the newly wed's direction. Don't worry about me! Go enjoy your honeymoon! Okay?. He smiled at them.
"We don't want to leave you Zenitsu, what if-" The board was once more shoved in Tanjirou's face. I said don't worry!! I won't drop dead anytime soon! And with a smile. I will live long enough to see your first child! Promise! Tanjirou and Kanao blushed at the implication.
Zenitsu knew it was a lie. He was pretty sure Kanao and Aoi knew too but whatever. Anything to reassure his friends. After much convincing and a promise from Nezuko to Tanjirou to stay by Zenitsu's side and inform them immediately if anything happened, the couple finally left the room. Nezuko sat by his side, a soothing hand running through his hair, Inosuke sat on the floor by the door uncharacteristically calm while Aoi was out preparing tea to sooth his aching throat. Zenitsu relaxed in his bed. He's fine. It's ok, he'll die. It's ok.
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It wasn't ok.
Zenitsu didn't want to die, not yet, not now. It's been two days now and the flower and blood puking had become a regular occurrence but that didn't mean it hurt less. He knew he was reaching his limits. He'll die soon, too soon. Horribly, painfully so.
He wanted to cry, to scream. He didn't. Instead he smiled and pretended. Reassuring his friends who had began to hover next to his room. He was never alone for too long. He was really touched.
Zenitsu laid in his (death) bed, long hair sprayed on his pillow. He was too tired to tie them. Frankly, he was too tired for anything. He's become so weak that just walking a couple of steps left him wheezing and panting for air. It didn't help that breathing had become another agony in itself. He really missed the days he'd wake up, scream,train and run around the butterfly estate with his friends, he even missed doing missions.
He turned as he heard footsteps accompanied by a familiar heartbeat.
"Hello Zenitsu!" Tanjirou greeted enthusiastically, emerging from behind the sliding door balancing a cup of tea on a tray on one hand, a broad smile on his face but Zenitsu didn't miss the string of sadness playing in his heart. He offered the tea to him which he took with a grateful smile, gulping the hot liquid with a sigh. It really did miracles for his burning throat. They stayed in a peaceful silence, waiting for Zenitsu to finish his tea. Putting the cup down, he grabbed his board. Thank you! It said with a beaming Zenitsu behind.
"You're welcome!" Tanjirou beamed back. Zenitsu turned to the only window in the room, watching the orange light emitting from the setting Sun. Ah, how he wished he could admire it outside but alas, he was too weak to just stand. With a sigh, he turned back to a silent and contemplative Tanjirou...huh?
"Hey Zenitsu!" He turned his gaze on him." Wanna go to the gardens for sometimes? I know you've been stuck in this room ever since..."They both knew..."Anyways, I'm sure some fresh air will do you a lot of good!"
Zenitsu frowned. He really wanted to. He really didn't want to spend the remaining days (hours?) of his life stuck in a room.
I'd love to, but I'm too tired to walk sorry. He looked down ashamed.
But Tanjirou ever being a good Samaritan, "It's ok! I'll carry you!" Zenitsu paused, considering this. Even if it was embarrassing to have to be carried around he really wanted to watch the sunset. So he nodded, bending to write his thoughts when he was suddenly swept off his bed into two set of strong arms, carried bridal style. He looked up at Tanjirou in disbelief to be assaulted with a radiant smile. He blushed crimson, hiding his face into Tanjirou's chest which was vibrating with laughter.
Zenitsu was more than embarrassed! This was mortifying! How could Tanjirou do this to his already frail heart?! To a dying person no less! He could have just carried him on his back for God's sake!...but placed like that he could hear so clearly the gentle thrum, thrum of Tanjirou's heart and it's soft melody. He finally calmed enough to look where they were headed to. In the distance, he could see Aoi, Nezuko and the triplets hanging clothes, Inosuke not far away laughing at something he said that had been drawn away by Tanjirou's sound.
They turned and waved at them. Zenitsu's embarrassment came back tenfold.
"Here we are!" Zenitsu was gently deposited on the garden's ground. He could feel the soft grasses tickling his bare foot. Butterflies(they were so many but well it was the butterfly estate after all) were flying from one flower to another while small fireflies slowly emerged from bushes. It was beautiful but that wasn't what caught his eyes. No. It was the glowing orb that was slowly disappearing behind mountains, covering everything within its vicinity in red. Zenitsu wondered if he stretched his hands far enough, if he went a top of that mountain and stretched his hands far enough, if he'd be able to touch it. Maybe he'd burn in the most horrible way, or maybe it'd warm his body,consuming his flesh, gently, like a lover and his aches will finally disappear. Left as nothing but ashes, swept away but the evening wind. Zenitsu smiled softly.
Thank you, Tanjirou. His board said. For carrying me out here, for putting up with me, for not leaving, for believing in me, for being my friend, my family, for loving me and sorry for not reciprocating that love as everyone would've liked. It didn't say.
He smiled at Tanjirou and Tanjirou smiled back at him, small,so un-very-Tanjirou-like but Zenitsu didn't pay it any mind, turning back to watch the last fire glow.
It lasted a split second.
Tanjirou's sound shifted and he could hear it, hear that sound directed at him and suddenly, it felt like he could breath better.
It only lasted a split second and when Zenitsu turned, he saw Tanjirou gazing at an approaching Kanao. Like always, sounds matching.
With a shaky breath, he turned and smiled at her as greeting. She smiled, her soft, lovable smile, back and asked if he was ok. He nodded, scribbling an I'm tired. He was swiftly returned to his room by Tanjirou's arms, who'd suddenly lost all of their comfort. He was quick to find sleep that night.
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Zenitsu laid in his bed as usual.
A hand was in his. It was trembling, he registered distantly.
He felt giddy. So dizzy, so out of it. They were people in his room, his friends, he realised. There were more outside. Too many heartbeats, too many sounds.
He was tired. So so tired.
"It's ok, Zenitsu." A trembling hand caressed his cheek." It's ok, we're here.It's ok, it's ok, it's ok-" Someone whispered.
Don't cry Nezuko-chan. He wanted to say. It'll be fine, you'll be fine. You'll all be fine. He wanted to reassure. To take her in her arms and wipe the tears off her cheeks. He couldn't. He was so weak.
He wanted to talk. Gosh he wanted to be able to talk just this once. To tell them how much he loved them, how much he'll miss them and how sorry oh god, how very sorry he was.
He willed his blurry vision to focus. He watched Inosuke, who had his boar mask off, staring at him. His bright green eyes sparkled with unsheded tears, pale cheeks rosy from strain, his red lips pushed firmly into each other. He was pretty. This expression suited more his delicate features than his normal feral ones. Oh, Zenitsu wished it was one of those he could see right now. If Zenitsu could talk he'd say that he was proud of having him as a friend, as a brother, as family. He'd tell him to confess to Aoi already, that she was just waiting for that!
He turned to Nezuko. She smiled shakily at him, tears trailing down her face. She was beautiful, she was angelic. He still couldn't understand how he didn't fall inlove with her. It would've been so much simpler.He wanted to tell her a million things. His love and admiration. The happiness he felt when she turned back into a human. Tell her to marry someone good, as amazing as she was. To stop worrying about them, to live her life.
His gaze moved up to meet Tanjirou's own. He was smiling at him, anchoring him. His eyes were sad. So so sad. I love you. Zenitsu wanted to say. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you-so maybe it was better he couldn't talk after all.
He smiled at them. Softly, happily, sadly, it was a goodbye.
Zenitsu was so so tired and for the first time in his life when he closed his eyes, it was silent.
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In a sunny day, somewhere far away, across the little pond where fish could be seen swimming, across the gardens filled with flowers and peach trees, where birds could be seen flying in the beautiful blue sky, the image of it looked like something out of a painting, something ethereal. Across from all this in a house, was an old man cradling a black haired sobbing little boy's head in his laps where you could hear him faintly whispering, You did good, you did good, you did good.