Archive of Our Own

When he was four Steve wanted to be an actor. The shining glory of Hollywood seemed so promising then, not just the adoration from people but to bring something to life, to make a difference. He wanted to make something important and he had quickly learned that he couldn't do that with his academic credits. He would look at movies next to his mother, admiring the way these people created something that made her laugh and cry.

His father told him that was a foolish dream and he should start using his head. Steve would inherit the business eventually and he would have to learn to run it well before that. He should keep his feet on the ground and focus on reality.

Still, years later, Steve figured he could have been a good actor. He was old enough to see that Hollywood was filled with the same intoxicated dread as his high school popularity, just with stronger drugs and more money. He didn't know if he could act but he sure as fuck can lie and maybe the difference isn't that big.

He was always good at lying and pretending. As a kid he believed it came from his mother. Maria Harrington was the greatest actress he's ever seen, holding the perfect happy family facade up when she was being slowly strangled by the life she never wanted and when her husband ran around the world. Maria was young, smart and beautiful when she met James Harrington.

She was young when she got pregnant and hastily after that married.

Steve remembers how bitter her voice was when she laid next to him after a bottle of wine, eyes distant.

”I could have been something, Stevie. I came from a good family too, It could have been me on those business trips.”

”Why can't you do it now?” Steve had asked once. Her mother just laughed and tapped his cheek, a little harder than necessary before staggering out and closing the lights, leaving him into the darkness alone.

Maria wasn't a good mother but she was determined to act that way in front of others. They would get a car once a week and she would drive to the store with Steve. He likes those rides when her eyes lit up and she revved the engine, backing off with more speed than his dad ever used. She always slowed down once they got to the busier road, driving patiently and parking neatly. They spent a long time picking groceries and talking to other women in the store. Maria would ruffle his hair, smile and chat and once they were done her grip on his arm would tighten.

She often cried on the way back. Steve didn't understand why but he knew she was unhappy. She let him be on his own often, choosing to talk on the phone for hours and sit by the pool. She snapped at him if Steve disturbed her but she never hurt him and she was there more than his father.

Despite their faults, his parent's didn't fight often. Harrington household was not one to show emotion when everyone was together. It was often tense but at least he didn't hear disagreement often, they ate their meals together and had polite conversations. Maria might snap at him but the cold indifference from James made her tense and distant until all talking stopped.

One time there was an exception. He was six and heard the door close behind his father, a sound barely audible up to his room. The shouting match following it was impossible not to hear. He didn't pick up everything but his mothers hysterical crying and some of his fathers shouting made the point clear. His secretary had called the phone and his mother answered which was apparently very very bad.

”I'm locked in this hell hole to keep up the good name of this family and you go around screwing other women”, Steve had never heard his mother get this desperate. The voice pushed through the blanket over his head, only muffled by his hands. He didn't want to hear it, didn't want to know what cheating meant or that he was the reason his mother was so unhappy. He got up and threw on his jacket and shoes.

It wasn't the first time he climbed out of his window but now it's dark and cold. Steve contemplates on just going back and curling under the blanket but he can still hear his fathers rising voice through the window and that enough to push him to run. There was no plan or a destination just feet carrying him to the woods behind his house. It was a familiar place, he'd played in here as long as he can remember but once he gets to the small brook that goes through the forest he has to slow down to catch his breath. The bluish gloom had turned into piercing darkness and suddenly the place doesn't look as familiar and nice anymore.

Fear building up his chest Steve turns around to head back home. Even if the fight isn't over he doesn't want to stay in here where the wind rustles the few leaves still hanging on trees despite the cold nights and everything else is quiet and dark. He thinks there was a police officer who gave him a ride once when he wandered off. His mother yelled at him and he wasn't allowed out of the house for a week but it had been fun. He'd even put on the alarm lights for a moment.

Steve can barely see the track that he followed here but the feeling of being watched is making his heart race. He doesn't want to look around, sure that there were eyes are shining in the dark. The water felt dangerous too as if something could grab him and pull him under and Steve backs away. Just as he's about to start running again there's a sound coming near him, so quiet that he almost doesn't hear it.

Someone is crying.

Steve freezes, listening carefully to confirm his realization. He wants to leave before some animal or a monster finds out what an easy prey has arrived in its territory but he can't ignore the oblivious distress so he starts to quietly move toward the sound coming behind a big tree. It could be a trap so he's careful not to make a sound as he peeks to see the source of the noise.

A little girl is sitting on the ground, hands around her knees. Steve doesn't have time to say anything when she uncurls, notices him and with an ear-shattering scream jumps up and hits him in the face, all within a second.

”Ow!” the punch was hard coming from a girl that's probably his age. She seemed like she was about to bolt but his reaction stopped her. She was small and skinny, wild hair making her look bigger. She reminded Steve of a cat fluffing her fur to look larger and scarier. The scowl on her face made her threatening enough even if his nose wouldn't still throb from the punch. He touched his nose, surprised to see that it didn't bleed.

”Who are you?” she demanded. Steve felt a little offended, he only wanted to help and now his evening was somehow just getting worse and worse.

”Why did you hit me?” He was sure she would do it again from the dark look in her eyes but she stayed still.

”I thought you were going to hurt me”, it wasn't as sharp anymore. Her arms were still crossed but there was something in her voice that made Steve believe that she wasn't as mean as she had seemed.

”I'm Steve.”

”Carol”, she answered after a beat. Steve shifted his weight to one foot, unsure of what to do. Nothing had prepared him for this interaction and he regretted leaving the warmth of his room to stand here in the cold with a confusing stranger.

That's when he noticed that Carol was only wearing a t-shirt and her crossed arms were more about hugging her bare arms. Steve slipped his jacket off and offered it to her. It was cold, the wind felt freezing even though he still had a hoodie so Carol must be freezing. She still hesitated before stepping forward to reach for the jacket.

”Thank you.”

He didn't ask about the crying or why she was in here at midnight and she didn't ask him. Instead, Steve sat down leaning against the tree and Carol sat next to him. Unsure what to do he started telling about his games in the forest, how he fell through the ice in the brook a few months ago and what tv-shows he watches on Saturday mornings. Carol likes the same shows, isn't allowed to play in the woods because it's not ladylike and lives pretty close to Steve.

They talk until Steve can't stifle his yawns. Carol gets up and tries to give him the jacket back.

”You can keep it for now. If you can come again you can return it.”

The forest didn't seem as scary when he starts to walk home.

They don't see often but sometimes Carol gets a chance to come out. It takes a week for them to meet again but Steve feels something hopeful wake inside when he one evening sees Carol standing with his jacket under the tree.

”I can't stay for long”, she warns him. They make swords from sticks and fight monsters, Carol pushes him into a puddle and as revenge he splashes some on her clothes, making her scream. Before Carol has to go back home Steve shows him where he lives.

”If you throw pebbles on that window, I will come to play with you.”

It's the best summer in Steve's life. He's had friends before but it's only for a moment on a playground before he had to go back home. Carol is there for the whole summer and they find out that they will start in the same school in September.

Carol is wild and sharp but she's funny. When Steve's upset she distracts him and makes him stop thinking about it. She doesn't complain when he talks too fast or jumps rapidly from one topic to other, most of the time she can follow his logic, unlike his parents who sigh and shake their head if he gets too excited. They never go to Carol's home but spend the warmest days in Steve's pool and the rainy days in his room. His mother seems to like Carol even though she didn't seem excited when Steve first asked to bring a friend home. Carol was polite and sweet when she wanted to and it didn't take long for Maria to warm up. She would even let Carol sit on the couch with them to watch movies and once even let her borrow lipstick.
His dad didn't like it, he once heard him complain to his mom that the Davis family was a bad crowd and he didn't want any of them near his son.

”Do you want our son to be alone?” Maria didn't defend Carol but she never told Steve to stay away. They had a silent understanding that she could be here only when James was out of town which worked well enough.

Tommy joined them on third grade. He moved in from the town next to Hawkings and instantly gravitated towards Steve and by extension Carol. There were, of course, other kids he played with, some even more than with Carol. They had learned that boys and girls shouldn't mix as much and life was easier for everyone if Steve played soccer with other guys and Carol played with other girls. They still talked in school but mostly they spent time in the woods after school.

Steve had learned to adapt to the school and mould himself to be what was needed, pretending to be confident and toe to line between being nice and mean enough to be liked. It took a while but while Carol dulled her edges and dodges questions she didn't like Steve studied her and followed her example.

Tommy came in with all the anger of a nine-year-old in a new school. He stayed alone for a while, not even trying to make friends. He surprised everyone in class when he argued with a teacher who had lost her patience with Steve. He'd been distracted and didn't listen to the question and Mrs Roswell had snapped at him when he asked her to repeat.

”Steven,” Steve tensed at the use of his full name, ”If you can't listen to class you can do this after school. An hour should be enough even for you.” There had been snickering and Steve felt the blush on his face. He wasn't good at school but he could do math if he knew what the question was.

”You can't punish him for not hearing what you said”, Tommy said from behind him. He didn't argue when he got the detention as well. Only thing Mrs. Roswell dislikes more than students not focusing is someone questioning her authority. Steve was quiet for the rest of the class, stunned that someone he didn't even know stood up for him like that. When they got out of detention Steve asked if Tommy wanted to go to arcade later.

It wasn't seamless right away. Carol was fiercely protective of Steve, clashing with Tommy more than once. But one day when a girl came up to Tommy, pretending to kiss him before at the last minute breaking to laughter and running back to her friends who were giggling nearby Steve saw Carol's eyes narrow. She marched to the girl, slowly poured her soda over her skirt and whispered something in her ear before returning to Steve and Tommy. The boys never found out what she said but she never bothered them again.

Tommy and Carol still argued sometimes but after that, they all knew that it was them against the world.

The school wasn't too bad but it made sense that they had reached out for each other. Steve followed the destruction of his parents' love. His mother started to follow him along with the business trips, first for a few days but eventually, it started to be weeks. She taught him to cook and clean and came to buy groceries every week. Then it was a babysitter who would help him with homework and housework.

By the time he turned 13, he spent most of his time alone.

Tommy had started to look for fights. He moved here after his mother died and his dad who had always drunk too much lost his job. He hated his home and picking fights with older boys made gave him something to release the anger. They understood what it was like when there was just so much energy building up that you had to do anything to stop suffocating. When Steve's parents weren't home he would stay over most of the time. It kept Tommy away from his dad and helped Steve when he felt the walls of his empty and cold home were falling over him.

Carol didn't talk about her pain but gave away enough for them to understand.

Fact one: She hated her uncle who used to look after her when her parents were away. He was the reason she had been in the forest that night Steve met her. She told him that summer in the forest and to Tommy when they found wine from Steve's parent's cabinet and despite gagging at the taste drank the bottle. Her eyes shined but she didn't cry.

Fact two: When they started to fool around he made Steve promise to never ever ever do anything if the girl asked him to stop. He didn't hesitate and he remembered that. It wasn't often but once he was behind the bleachers with Katy Hollins he felt her shake when his hand reached under her skirt. She didn't say anything out loud but when Steve asked if she wanted to just make out or leave he could see relief in her eyes. They stayed there, kissing but never getting any further.

At that point, Tommy didn't need the talk. Steve followed as he and Carol figured each other out, slowly trusting enough to start making out after they drank cheap beer on Steve's living room. It wasn't uncomfortable or weird for him. Steve loved them both, they were the best family he had. He would throw empty cans and tell them to get a room but he didn't really mind them groping each other next to him. Sometimes there was a girl with him and they'd split to different rooms but just as often they would pile on his bed and fall asleep there.

Popularity came naturally as they grew up but Steve felt like he was pretending most of the time in school. He was meaner to get laughs from the basketball team, had bigger parties and fucked girls he didn't care about just because that's what they expected him to do. It left him feeling dirty and weird but he could ignore that and push a relaxed grin on his face. He was happiest with just Carol and Tommy, smoking weed in the quarry or driving around listening to music once he turned sixteen and got a car.

Nancy Wheeler was a surprise. She sat in front of him in chemistry and something about her enchanted him. Tommy and Carol would make fun of him and once they started to date argue with him sometimes. He knew they were just protective but the way Nancy looked at them made him feel torn. He loved her, really, and hoped that with time they would get used to each other. The private party at his place was supposed to make them relax with each other and it seemed to work.

Yeah, as if something could go right in his life.

His dad was furious. Not about Barbara, his parents couldn't care less that someone had disappeared and that a kid was missing and he lived alone near the woods. It wasn't even that someone had disappeared in his home.

He brought police in their home. That could be a scandal if right people found out.

James Harrington didn't come home to see him but made sure Steve knew what a disappointment he was and how next stunt like this would get him locked out of the house and disowned right away. They would visit home next week and Steve would hear more about this then. Nancy wasn't mad at him anymore but she also didn't seem to want to see him which made him feel infinitely worse than his dad being an asshole.

Things just got so messy so fast. He was used to the way life was, the same routines and Tommy, Carol and him holding each other up. Now everything with Nancy was escalating fast and suddenly there was Jonathan in the picture and with the pictures and he was so angry.

Steve fucked up over and over again with everyone. He wasn't a good enough son to make his parents love him, he wasn't a good student, he was apparently a shitty boyfriends and as much as he hated to admit it a bad friend. He regretted clashing with Tommy and Carol like that but his apology to Nancy and Jonathan had gotten him into such deep shit that he couldn't think about anything else. His life turned around and crashed at an astonishing speed when that monster came through the wall and instead of running away when he could the same protective instinct that made him find Carol all those years ago kicked in.

They survived. The confidentiality papers were signed and life went on.

He could pretend and cope. It was natural to push it all in the deep dark part of his mind, big Do Not Open sign on and never think about it again. Sure, there were nightmares and more sleepless nights but he coped. He still had Nancy and that was beginning to feel like the only lifeline he had.

Bullshit.

Halloween came with more monsters, more heartbreak, somehow new children that he wanted to protect even though they were driving him insane most of the time. He didn't see that coming but it was good so he didn't complain. Much.

No Nancy. Still no Tommy or Carol. Nor his parents.

He drove himself home after the kids got to Byers home and fell on the couch in full clothing. He stank and his mother would freak out next time she comes in and sees the stains on the white couch but he didn't care. Every part of his body hurts but his out as soon as he can close his eyes.

Steve startles awake when someone shakes him. Heart jumping he opens his eyes, which made his head spin and wave of nausea hits him.

”Kid, you with me?” He knows the voice but can't place it yet but it's enough to calm him down. Monsters don't talk (Billy did, he never fucking stopped talking). If he just stays completely still maybe the spinning will stop and he could think. The hand moves from his shoulder and he can hear distant conversation before there is someone in front of him again.

”Steve, honey, we need you to talk to us.” He focused on controlling his breathing and opened his eyes, blinking as the light made his eyes hurt. Joyce is kneeled in front of him, wearing a matching worried face with Hopped standing behind her.

”Why are you here?” shouldn't they be with Will and... El, that was the name of Hopper's kid. He didn't expect anyone to be here.

”We tried calling but no one answered. We got worried, you shouldn't be alone like this. Where are your parents?” Joyce is stroking his hair and she looks worried. It's weird and Steve doesn't know how to react to this. His mind is still sticky and he doesn't have a script for an anyone coming all the way here just to see if he's okay.

That's not true, Tommy and Carol did but with them, he didn't need to be anything.

”Not sure”, he mumbles, trying to sit up. It shouldn't have been this hard but Joyce helps him up and he has to close his eyes to settle for a second. When he opens them Hopper had moved next to Joyce.

”What's your full name?” Steve frowns but Hopper just nods for him to go so he answers.

”Steven John Harrington”

”What year is it?”

”84”

”Do you remember what happened last night?”

That one was harder. Dustin was abducting him to hunt Dart, the junkyard, Demodogs and... He has to stop to think.

”Billy” there was Billy standing in front of his car, asking for Max and then just. Nothing. He knows they were in tunnels, he can't remember details but he can still smell the rotten stink on his clothes.

”We should go to the hospital” Joyce is talking to Hopper but his heart skips a beat. He doesn't want his dad to get a bill and ask what happened.

”No no no, I just need to sleep it off, I'm fine” That doesn't help with the concern but Hopper sighs.

”Where are your parent's kid?” He doesn't know. Maybe in London? Or Paris, somewhere in Europe.

”Business trip, they will be home soon.”

”We can't let you be alone, you must have a concussion”

”It's fine, I'll call my parents and they will come, if something happens I'll get to the hospital. You don't have to worry about me.” They had enough going on with their families. Hopper didn't look convinced but nodded.

”Call us if anything, and I mean anything, happens. Doesn't matter what time it is. Understand?” Steve nodded, the movement making his head spin but he forced a charming smile.

”Yes, sir”. Hopped shook his head and Joyce stroked Steve's hair. She looked sad but didn't argue with him.

”I brought food. Let us know if you need anything and please be careful”. With that, they left him. Steve considered going back to sleep, the painless unconsciousness seemed so tempting but he grimaced when he touched his hair and felt the dirt in it.

Getting up the stairs was a painful journey but eventually, he made it under the water. It felt good even if his cuts sting and he still felt so fucking dizzy. He didn't know how long he stood there, letting the warm water wash away all the grime, sweat and blood from the night. He didn't want to look too closely at his bruises so he was quick to pull on a jumper and sweats once he got out.

Steve downed a few painkillers he found from the cabinet and fall back to the couch to sleep.

That's mostly what he did for the next days. Time went by in a haze of pills, nightmares and dizziness. At one point he called Joyce just to let her know he was doing well, his mom was taking care of him and there was absolutely nothing to worry about but maybe try to keep the kids from coming over since he just wanted to rest. He ate the lasagna she brought over and kept sleeping. He never went to his room or outside, staying downstairs and keeping his bat near. Never know what could come out of the shadows. He did throw up a few times but after a few days he started to feel better, though he still avoided mirrors. Steve could feel how swollen his face was and didn't want to see the mess Billy left.

Monday came around and he almost went to school. The house was starting to drive him crazy and he knew it would be hell anyway, better to go now than to let it get worse. Like pulling off a bandaid, it only hurts for a moment.

He got to the door before his heart started to beat and he had to sit on the floor gasping for air. Even if he could somehow make it there without crashing his car the people looking at his face and whispering. Laughing at him. Teachers shaking their head in disappointment. Nancy and Jonathan together. He could see Billy laughing at him, making comments about the King being dethroned.

King Steve was long dead.

He couldn't open the door. Instead, he sat there on the floor, head between knees. It's not even that he was sad about losing popularity, there were a lot more pressing matters in his life than some high school drama. He didn't even know why he was shaking but something in him felt so raw and undone that he couldn't get up for hours.

He did leave the house eventually. He took his car when it was already dark and drove to the quarry. There was no plan or reason beyond the need to go somewhere. In a way, it was like exposure therapy. The same way that he sat by the pool for hours some nights in the summer until it stopped making him terrified and started to be like a way to remember and apologize to Barb. He still felt the guilt but after he once night drank a bottle of wine and broke it to make himself bleed in the water just to see if something would come and take him too it didn't scare him quite as much.

He couldn't face Billy school yet but he could face the dark. If something would come and finish him off so be it but he needed something to take back control. So he stepped out of the car, left the bat behind and sat down feet dangling off the edge and looking in the water below.

They used to spend ages in here when he was younger. Tommy and he would dare each other to jump while Carol rolled her eyes threatening to push them both down. They drank and smoked and Tommy and Carol would make out while he stared at the starry sky.

They never talked about it but one night Steve sat closer to them. They had drunk more than usual and Tommy reached to pull him closer. Carol was on his lap, watching with surprising softness when he leaned closer and kissed Tommy. He tasted like beer and tobacco and kissed harder than the girls he was used to but it was nice. Carols hands on his chest were cold and he gasped on Tommy's mouth when she moved lower, reaching to palm him over his jeans. Tommy moved his hand in Steve's hair and he leaned closer to Tommy's steady shoulder.

Headlights made them scramble apart, breathless and shaky. They threw the empty bottles to the water and ran off to the woods before the car arrived, not talking about it again.

Steve was so deep in the memories that he didn't register Tommy's voice as real when he called Steve's name. Steve turned around to look and saw Tommy standing there, looking at him with an unreadable expression. It was painful to see the boy he always knew so well and not know what he was thinking. Carol was nowhere to be seen and there wasn't a car beside his so Tommy must have walked here.

”Want a smoke?” Tommy didn't come closer, instead flashing his carton and sitting down where he was, few metres behind Steve. He watched as Tommy's lighter lit up his face, showing a bruise on his cheek. Steve scooted back and settled next to Tommy, taking a cigarette.

”Thanks.”

They smoked in silence, looking at the starry sky and listening to the water below. Steve was still tense, back turned to the dark forest but Tommy still had the calming effect on him. It was funny how people thought that Tommy was the most unpredictable of the trio while he was often the one keeping Steve and Carol grounded.

”Sorry about last year. We were dicks, you didn't deserve that.” Steve turned to look at Tommy in surprise. He was staring ahead, jaw tense.

”I'm sorry too.” There had been too much happening during that time and after the monster was gone and they were all too proud to back down after time passed. He was with Nancy and Jonathan but there was always the aching in his chest when he saw Tommy and Carol passed on the hallway. None of them had ever been good at apologizing but that didn't mean he shouldn't have tried.

Tommy offered another cigarette and the air felt lighter. Tommy started to talk about Carol and her stress with school. She was going to Chicago to be a lawyer and Tommy was going to follow her. He still wasn't sure what he wanted but there might be an engineering course that he could apply for. He talked about the kids and Tommys laugh echoed in the silence. Steve had to admit that it was funny how he, who never knew how to be with kids, was abducted as an older brother.

It was getting cold and the headache was starting to get worse as the medicine wore off. Tommy must have noticed since he stood up and offered Steve a hand.

”Should head back home”, he said bitterly.

”My house is empty”, Steve said. Tommy frowned at that.

”Nancy not playing nurse?” It wasn't as mean as Tommy could be but just a genuine question. Steve cringed.

”God, don't tell me you've been home alone this whole time?”, he seemed to hesitate, ”it was Billy right? He showed up on Thursday bragging. Looked pretty bad himself but didn't think he'd...” hurt you this bad. Steve shrugged avoiding Tommy's gaze. He didn't feel like explaining that it wasn't all Billy and he chose to be alone.

”You can drive”, he said instead and staggered to the passenger seat. Tommy's hand on his shoulder stopped him. He turned to look at him but Tommy didn't speak right away, just looked troubled.

”You're a piece of work, Harrington”, he just sighed and clapped his back before making his way to the driver's side.

Steve falls asleep on the way, the hum of the motor lulling him to give in to the exhaustion. It's the shallow type of dream where you believe you're awake but the world is a little wrong and when he jerks after seeing a shadow running in the forest Tommy just glances at his way, not commenting on his fast breathing and wild eyes. He turns up the radio, Scorpions music filling the car.

”You can talk to us, you know that right?”

Only he can't. He signed the fucking papers without reading but even he knows that's the most important part. He has to keep his mouth shut and smile or the government will make him shut up. Nancy had been furious but even she had to accept that this was as good as they were gonna get.

”I didn't know we broke up” he mumbled distantly.

”With Nancy?” Steve nodded.

”We fought but I was going to apologize. She had moved on before I got a chance I guess.”

”Fucking bitch”, Tommy was angry. He never liked Nancy and this was more than enough for him to see that he was right.

”No, we just didn't work like that. We're friends still”, he wasn't angry, just tired. He could see how well Nancy and Jonathan worked together and how they protected each other. It was never like that with them, no matter how much he wished. He could ignore the way it hurt to wonder just when Nancy and Steve turned to Nancy and Jonathan so he ignored the thought. It was in the past anyway.

Tommy parked in front of the house. He had to help Steve inside since his medical haze was being replaced by pounding headache and dizziness. After some more painkillers, he crashed on the couch and blacked out.

Blink.
Tommy was on the phone, talking quietly.
”Love you”, his soft is soft on the phone.

Blink.
The room is dark. He wonders where his bat is. Is it better to see the monsters coming or just have it be over fast, Steve ponders idly.

Blink.
He smells eggs. The sun is up and shining through the windows. Steve still feels tired but he can hear movement and his stomach rumbles so he makes his way to the kitchen.

Tommy grins at him pointing at the coffee. Steve throws down a few pills and chugs them with strong coffee. He's gone through a bottle since the incident and he's pretty sure it wouldn't be possible if he'd followed the instructions. He understood his mother a little better, it was a lot easier to keep up this unawareness than to face life. Tommy places a plate with toast and eggs on it taking the bottle that Steve had been staring at.

Steve usually cooked for them. He was the best at it and he liked feeding his friends but it was nice to be at the receiving end too. He was starving and he felt like he could even keep down the food now.

”Carol is coming over later if that's okay?”

”Of course,” Steve looks the clock and snaps his gaze to Tommy, ”shouldn't you be in school?” Tommy laughs at him.

”Yeah, so should you”

”Excuse me, I'm sick!”

”And I'm making sure you don't die in this house because you're idiot and sleep alone with a concussion”, Tommy remarks, which okay, he had a point but rude. Steve throws a piece of bread at him, earning an offended shout and a toast on his face.

They sit around the whole day, playing cards and talking. After four Carol joined them, hugging Steve and apologizing.

”I've missed you”, Steve mumbles in her shoulder and he can feel her nod.

”We missed you too.” That was all it took.

He ended up skipping the whole week. Carol and Tommy alternated with school, making sure one of them was keeping him company all the time. It was so like the old times that when he opened the door to see Nancy and Jonathan it took him a second to get oriented again. He'd done his best to ignore all the thing related to upside down that he had ignored the possibility of someone coming to visit. Carol was laying on the couch eating ice cream and watching a movie she brought on her way.

”Hi?” He tried to sound happy but it came more like a question.

”You haven't been to school, we came to give you notes. Are you okay?” She was worried but her eyes slide behind him and turned more confused.

”Sorry princess, he already got them”, Carol's voice dripped venom and Steve sighed.

”Thanks, Nance, I'm good. Just needed a break before school but I'll come next week. Promise.” Nancy was still glancing at Carol but she nodded and hugged him.

”If you need to talk we're here” she whispered. Jonathan smiled at him and with that, they left. Carol was glaring at the door as if it had offended her by letting them in in the first place.

”You'll have to accept her sooner or later. Just because we're not dating doesn't mean I don't care about her”, he said.

”I know, doesn't mean I like it”, she muttered as she pulled him to the couch to continue the film.

”I'll try to be nicer next time.”

That was the first night he went to his room to sleep. Carol said she'd wait for Tommy but they would come to his room as well since they would all fit in his bed well enough. Steve was mostly okay at that point, his face still had yellow and green tints and the cuts were visible but he didn't hurt too bad. He nodded off fast.

He was in the forest, walking next to the stream. The water was black and moved slowly, big air bubbles burst with a rotten smell. Steve wished he had his bat when he heard rusting and howling in between the trees but when he started to run vines kept pulling him down.

There was a scream and Steve sprinted to follow the sound just fall through the ground and into the tunnels, screaming was louder but he didn't know where it came from but he knew the voice.

Dustin.

He started to run, trying to navigate the twisting and dividing labyrinth. He heard steps behind him and glanced over his shoulder.

Dustin was shouting his name and other voices were joining, scared and screaming at him to come and help but Steve stumbled and fell down again. There was a hand pulling him up and Steve raised his eyes to see Billy's cruel smile. He was holding Steves bat over his shoulder and with other hand, he held Steve to the slimy wall of the tunnel. He could see demodogs running and in the corner of his eye, Dustin was lying on the ground, looking right at him as the lotus mouth full of teeth ripped into him.

He was screaming. There were hands pulling him up and soothing voices talking, trying to get through to him. He fell to Tommy's chest shaking, strong arms around him and stroking his back.
”You're okay, we're here”, Carol's voice was gentle and calming. Tommy didn't say anything, just held him there. Steve was grateful when they didn't press him to talk, just laid on both of his side and they fell asleep again, this time in a dreamless rest.

They stayed in his room for the weekend, interrupted by two visits from kids and Joyce. The children were shy in front of Tommy and Carol but stayed to eat pizza and play board games still dug up from his closet. They seemed to be okay, Will was still shaky but he laughed along with the others. Mike was moody and Dustin whispered that it was because he was missing El. Steve noticed the way Dustin looked at Lucas and Max who sat next to each other. He agreed to give him a ride to the dance with only mild complaining.

Joyce brought more food and gave him a warm hug when he picked them up. She seemed happy to see he was still alive and invited him to have dinner in their home later. Steve didn't like the idea of stepping a foot in that house but agreed. If they could keep living there after all that happened he should survive one dinner. Rest of the weekend was spent laying in bed with Tommy and Carol.

”Do you remember when we were fifteen and drank at the quarry?” It was a dangerous question, asked like it just crossed his mind when in reality he's been waiting to say it for a few days.

They were laying on his bed, Carol reading Hamlet to them for an assignment and the boys laying side by side staring at the roof. Tommy turned and leaned on his elbow, looking at Steve.

”There were a lot of times, it's the summer they started to sell us beer at the gas station”, he replies but Steve can see that he knows which time Steve means.

”Yes.” Carol set the book down and moved on the bed, sitting on her knees behind Tommy. The air felt warmer in the room and Steve felt his heart beating faster. He opened his mouth before deciding what to say, maybe just to laugh it off or tell them to ignore it, but Tommy leaned closer making him quiet. He was slow enough to give Steve space to move away but he moved in to kiss Tommy.

It felt good. It was similar to the first time but this time there was no alcohol in their breath, just the familiar smell of Tommy, more experienced and with a little stubble. He let Tommy push him down and reached to touch his hair, one hand sliding on his back. Tommy pulled back and Steve made a small disappointed sound but Carol moved to straddle him.

Contrary to popular belief, they had never kissed. Even as kids they were always best friends before anything else but now she sat on top of him and her mouth was on him. Her citrus perfume and glossy lips were different but he realized right away that Tommy and Carol learned to kiss together, complimenting each other perfectly. She was so small, and for a second he thought of Nancy, but Carol bit his lip and rolled her hips just enough to make him forget all about that. She smiled against his lips when he pulled her closer.

She moved back to sit and Steve followed her, reaching to touch Tommy who moved in to lean on him.

”What do you want to do?” Carol asked. It was an opening to quit before it got serious but Steve paused to consider. He knew one thing he'd liked but Nancy never wanted him to go down on her, saying that it made her feel weird. He licked his lips and lifted Carol to lay on her back. She grinned and pulled off her top while Tommy took off her skirt and underwear.

”I've been curious after hearing everyone gush about you Stevie” she laughed.

”Lucky you”, he chuckled and Tommy snorted. Steve looked at him while unbuttoning his shirt, nodding at Tommy still in full clothing. He kissed Carol and straddled her to reach Tommy and pull his shirt off, kissing him while he opened Steve's jeans and pushed him down so he could pull them off. Carol moved in to do the same to Tommy.

Steve took a second to look at the pair kissing each other on his bed, bared in front of him. He had seen them both naked more than once, hell, he sees Tommy naked every week after basketball. He knew the way his muscles moved, the birthmark under Carol's collarbone and the scar on Tommy's stomach just like they knew his body. Carol stopped his thoughts by pulling him closer and spreading her legs. She bit her lip, a nervous habit but Steve moved to a good position to get between her legs, guiding Tommy behind him.

She tasted sweet when he started slowly kissing Carol, happy to notice she was already wet. Her hand moved to his hair, guiding him as he explored her, his hands on the small of her back. Tommy was kissing his neck, biting and nipping, hands roaming his chest.

Carol moaned and her grip tightened when Steve hit her clitoris, gently sucking and licking as she started to breath harder, moving her hips against his mouth. Steve let out a surprised groan when Tommy's hand moved to his cock, stroking slowly.

”This okay?” Tommy asked in a low voice. Steve hummed and moved one hand to reach Tommy before starting to finger Carol, still sucking on her clit. The pleasure building up was distracting though and he started to get sloppy when Tommy's pace quickened, making Steve moan and pant. Carol didn't seem to mind, she just reached to rub her clit when Steve fingered her, biting her thighs and kissing her everywhere. He heard Tommy groan and his head fell against Steves back and he guessed he was touching himself as he was jerking off Steve.

The pleasure was getting intense and he could barely focus on Carol, one hand still in her vagina and other digging into her back. He tried to keep the same rhythm as Tommy did on him and based on Carols moans it worked well enough. She came with a shuttering breath and Steve pulled his fingers out, trying to hold on to her as he buried his head in her thighs, unable to keep from cumming. Tommy was quickly done and the trio fell in a pile, sweaty and sticky but holding onto each other.

”That was nice”, Tommy was already falling asleep, his voice thick and eyes closed. Carol kissed his cheek. Steve had been sleeping enough with the concussion that for a few nights he had trouble falling asleep. It was probably not healthy to sleep a week straight and stay awake for three days but he didn't really care. Apparently, Carol wasn't tired either since she turned to Steve.

”Smoke?” He nodded. Leaving Tommy to sleep they got up, both taking Steve's hoodies and slipping down to the pool to sit in the chairs.

”When are you coming to school?” Carol asked as Steve lit up their cigarettes. He shrugged.

”Monday I guess”

”Billy isn't going to give you shit. And neither is anyone else.”

Steve isn't surprised. Carol and Tommy were fiercely protective, he had assumed that they would make sure everyone knew he was off-limits again. In seventh grade, Tommy almost sent a guy to the hospital because he talked shit about Carol. And everyone knew Carol could ruin lives if she was provoked. And even if Steve is apparently very good at getting beat up and bad at winning fights he had faced worse things than high school assholes. He'd thought about it a lot and in the end, even Billy didn't have anything else he could do to Steve. He had nothing to lose so school shouldn't feel so overwhelming.

”Do you know what you're doing next year?”

”Not really.”

”There's still time,” Carol blew out smoke, watching as it evaporated into the air, ”you could come with us. To Chicago.” It was an offhand comment but Steve heard in her voice that it was not a new idea. They had talked about it.

It was tempting. Move away from Hawkins and all the freaky shit in here, start a life with them somewhere else. Leave this house that felt more like a cage.

He couldn't leave the kids. If something bad happened again he needed to be here to protect them and Nancy and Jonathan. He saw a documentary about wolves that circled the prey, targeting the weakest animals. He could feel eyes in the forest looking and waiting for the right moment to strike.

”Steve?” Carol's voice made him jump.

”Maybe.” He could dream for a while. It wasn't enough for Carol but she let it drop. She was a hunter too, had always been. Even as a kid she wasn't scared of the dark forest or other children even when they were mean. She was meaner.

She had bigger monsters in her life too.

Steve flicked his cigarette into the pool and got up. He wished he had his bat but it was still in the car but he just had to move, to do something. Something was buzzing inside his head but Steve didn't know what to do. There was so much wrong in this fucking town even aside hell gates and dogs with lotus mouths filled with teeth. The people were just as rotten and no one cared what happened behind closed doors as long as the sounds didn't disturb neighbours. The people were suffocating and demogorgons and dogs just have to wait and come pick up pieces. Billy Hargrove could kill him tomorrow but in the end, it will just speed up the process that his parents started.

Distantly Steve realized he was breathing too fast and it made him dizzy. He hadn't heard Carol call his name before she was standing in front of him. Her voice was low and soothing when she pulled him into a hug, pressing his head against her shoulder. Steve held on tight and breathed in her scent. She was here, they were all alive and together.

He went to school on Monday. Tommy and Carol went ahead because Steve had promised to pick up Dustin and Lucas. Max would go with Billy and Jonathan was picking up Nancy and Mike with him and Will. Dustin had come to beg and blackmail him to give him a ride since it was going to rain the whole week and Steve, surely you don't want us the get sick, we could die if you abandon us in the storm! Steve didn't point out that they had been fine before, he'd seen them bike in worse weather. He just agreed to come on Monday morning and take them to Mike's house after school.

He wouldn't say it out loud but it was nice to drive with Dustin. The kid was genuinely funny and was too smart for his age. His chattering filled the car easily and made Steve feel a little less winded. He offered advice on girls and listened to Dustin and Lucas arguing about something D&D related with an intensity that made him worry that one of them was going to climb over the bench to physically fight.

Steve knew Dustin had worried about him. He had called a few times and he saw the examining looks aimed at him. He was just happy that the boys seemed happy and well after what happened. He caught a glimpse of Will who still looked pale but smiled at something Mike said when they ran off to school. Jonathan and Nancy waved at him.

”Hi Steve”, Nancy was examing him without trying to hide it. Steve offered an amused smile and rolled his eyes at Jonathan.

”Hey”

”How are you feeling?”

”Good. I'm fine” Neither of them believed him but Jonathan touched Nancy's shoulder when she opened her mouth.

”Let's go, Mrs Golding will kill us if we're late again”, he said, ”If you need you can copy my homework.”

”Thanks, man.” He did need that, Mrs Golding was always angry and after skipping over a week Steve would not be in good graces. Math was the one subject he was actually pretty good at but he hadn't even glanced at the notes Carol and Tommy brought him.

He ran into Billy once. Steve thought he would freeze but looking at Billy here, remnants of a bruise on his face he wasn't scared. Billy didn't say anything, just walk past. He didn't know if it was Max's threat, Jonathan and Nancy next to him or Tommy and Carol that made him back off but either way he was glad he didn't have to deal with it.

His parents came home that week. He was laying in bed with Tommy and Carol, thank god wearing clothes, when he heard the door open.

”Steven?” His mother's voice rang through the house making him freeze. They probably had told him but Steve didn't bother remembering their schedule as they would only stay for a while before leaving again.

”Shit shit shit”, he cursed, jumping up and running his fingers through his hair.

”Do you want us to stay?” Tommy asked. Steve shook his head, his dad never liked them and while his mother liked Carol she wasn't a fan of Tommy. Steve wasn't sure what was the right kind of crowd that they would approve. Well, Nancy had been accepted even though they never met her. Wheelers were good people, an upper-middle-class with a respectable job and a house in the right part of the town. He didn't want them to be rude to Tommy and Carol, it would be easier for everyone if they didn't meet.

”Sorry, I'll see you tomorrow.” Tommy kissed him, because they could do that which always made his heart leap, before taking his bag and they headed to the window.

”Good luck”, Carol said sympathetically before heading out.

Steve took a breath and went downstairs to greet his parents. His mother, ever so beautiful in her expensive dress and heels, was the first to notice him.

”Steven, darling, it's so good to see you again!” She kissed him on the cheek. For a second there was something behind her eyes when she saw the dark circles under his eyes but she just patted his cheek and turned to go to the kitchen. Steve was just happy he hadn't made a mess, he'd heard enough lectures about that.

His father slapped him in the shoulder as a friendly greeting.

”I assume things have been running smoothly in here?” Steve nodded.

”Yes, sir”, he added after his father scowled.

”I'll be in the study but you can tell me about your college plans at dinner.” Just like that, he was dismissed. He took the bag his mother left and took it to their room. Deep breaths, like Nancy showed him, and he was ready to go to the kitchen where his mom was already looking through the fridge.

”Sweetie, it's all empty”, she complained.

”Sorry mom, I was supposed to go to the store tomorrow but something came up”. Maria reached for the top shelf where they kept cheaper wine bottles. Steve stopped her arm on instinct and they both froze. Steve had the urge to apologize but she quickly turned around and busied herself by gathering ingredients.

”How about pasta? I'm sure I can make something from the scraps” They never talked about it. After his dad started to take her on the business trips and she got a chance to shine, earning a respect from all over the world she didn't resent him the same way but they couldn't be close. Not just because Steve barely saw her but he had no idea who she was and she knew even less about her.

”Mom-” he hesitated, not sure what to say.

”How is Nancy doing?” She asked, not looking at him. Steve thought he told them that they broke up but he wasn't sure.

”She's good. Busy with school”. Steve started to help his, listening to her talk about Paris and work. He wanted to tell her about Nancy. How his heart broke when she called him out on his bullshit and how that's really what his life is. Pretending, acting, bullshit. About how lost he felt and how Tommy and Carol made him happy he felt like he was splitting apart trying to be a good babysitter and being King Steve. Ask if she's happy now or just bullshitting everyone better.

He didn't, just chopped tomatoes listening to his mother talk.

He dreaded the dinner. It happened every time they visited and no one ever liked it. They sat in silence eating, his father occasionally asking if he already knows what he wants from the future and being disappointed by the answer.

”Where are you applying?” The question came after Steve asked about the trip. He bit his lip.

”I was thinking of police academy. I babysit the Chief's kid so he could write me a reference letter.” He hadn't asked but Hopper would do it. His mother stared at him in surprise but his father's hum was judgemental.

”Well, I suppose that's something.” The underlying 'I don't approve this but you're so stupid that anything has to do' was clear and Steve bit his lip to keep quiet. His dad didn't ask anything else and they ate in silence.

They left after three days. Steve was starting to lose his mind, tiptoeing around the house under his parent's eyes. The school was salvation, a chance to have lunch with Carol and Tommy or study during breaks with Nancy and Jonathan. He happily took the kids to the arcade after school and sat in the diner just to stay away. In the evening he got remarks about not valuing family time, which is the joke of the decade, but he was surviving.

That was mostly what it was. Days were short and nights long and he felt like a tree, just trying to make it through the winter, barely alive. Tommy and Carol worried about him, their strange arrangement leading to them witnessing nightmares and his disastrous lifestyle. They didn't push but some nights they would sit outside smoking and Steve would tell some things. Not the monsters but things they understood. How he hated this house and he didn't know what to do. That Barbara died in his pool and he felt her ghost looming over sometimes. He felt like the darkness was strangling him and uncertain future haunted him, making him question everything.

It was Joyce who made his cracks blow wide open. They were having dinner, an experience so radically different from the once he was used to. Everyone talking and laughing and at one point Dustin threw a piece of carrot at Mike who shrieked and would have retaliated if Nancy hadn't stopped him. Steve talked with Jonathan about music, easy argument about whether or not Wham! is good or not, laughed at the kids and even chatted with Nancy and promised to help with the snowball dance decorations. It was nice and somehow normal and strange at the same time.

After dinner, he helped Joyce with the dishes. She insisted that it was fine, he should go to play games with the rest but Steve wasn't going to let her do all the work. She had done enough for them already, helping with this was the least he could do.

”How are you doing Steve? I never got to thank you for helping so much with everything”, she asked, handing him a plate to dry.

”I'm good”, it was an automatic reply.

”You're always welcome here if there's anything on your mind.”

”Thank you Mrs Byers. I'll keep that in mind.”

”Will keeps having nightmares. Jonathan too, I think but he doesn't talk about them much. It's very traumatic, no one expects you to be fine.” her voice is soft and Steve stares at the plate.

”Everyone seems to be.” Not okay okay, who could be, but coping. Joyce dried her hands and turns to him.

”Sweetie, it's okay to talk about it. We all lean on each other and talk things through. Have you talked about what happened with anyone?”

Nancy had tried but she didn't push. They remembered what happened last time they almost talked about it when Nancy dumped him. He was pretty sure Jonathan did too but things were confusing between them. Steve liked the guy but they didn't know how to be around each other.

He talked with Tommy and Carol but he couldn't tell them the worst parts.

”I can't”. He didn't know how, the only way to deal with emotions that he was taught was drinking and that didn't work anymore, never really did. Steve was used to pushing everything deep inside and ignoring it. If that didn't work he could always pretend. Until now.

”Steve, we're here for you. Please don't push us out.” Joyce was sad now and Steve started to feel the walls getting closer and small space suffocating him.

”I'm sorry, I need to go”, He put the plate down. Joyce was talking, trying to get him to stay but he all but ran away from the house.

Steve didn't go home. He drove around the empty streets of Hawkins and when that wasn't enough headed out of town. Alone in the empty dark roads, he did something he thought he would never do.

Open the fucking Pandoras box that was his ignored issues.

It wasn't just the upside-down even though he had to stop on a rest point when he imagined the Demogorgon looming over him and the dogs growling. Barb disappearing in his pool meaning the monster was almost in his house. The possibility of the people he'd started to care dying a terrifying death.

It was his parent's not caring if he lived or died as long as he didn't make a scandal out of it. The empty house that he wanted to leave more than anything. Steve didn't know who to be, King Steve is gone but the mother hen wasn't entirely right either. He tried to mould to everyone's needs and now he had no idea what to be when he was tired of pretending.

He didn't want to leave the people here but he was dying in this town.

The tapping on his window made Steve jump and he reached for the bat before recognizing Hopper. Why was he here, in the middle of the night outside Hawkins?

”Got a call that there was a car parked in here.” Steve couldn't see why anyone cared enough to call the cops but here they were.

”Sorry. I'll move.” He reached to start the car but Hopper shook his head.

”Joyce is worried.”

”Sorry.”

”Don't apologize, no one is mad. You gonna tell me what's going on?”

”There's a police academy in Chicago. I'm applying.” Hopper was stunned, clearly not expecting that. He wasn't angry or disappointed just nodded thoughtfully.

”You're a good kid Harrington. Let me know if I can help with anything.”

”Yeah. Thanks.” Hopper tapped the roof of Steve's car.

”Go home. You need sleep” Steve nodded and with that Hop moved to his car. He waited for Steve to start his BMW and followed him to Hawkings.

Steve drove past his home and parked a few streets away from Tommy's place. He walked to rest and threw pebbles on the window. It took a while but scruffy Tommy opened the window, looking down at Steve.

”Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair”, Steve half sang grinning and throwing a final stone at Tommy's head. He flipped Steve off.

”What the fuck Harrington, it's three am”, he complained before moving away but Steve knew that he would come back. Sure enough, Tommy climbed from his window and landed next to Steve.

”You okay?” He asked. Steve opened his mouth but nothing came out. Tommy swung his arm around his shoulder and they walked to Steve's car. Tommy made his way to the driver's seat and Steve accepted the passenger seat. Probably for the best, he still wasn't sure how he made it here in one piece.

”Any place in mind?” Tommy asked and Steve just shook his head.

They drove to the quarry.

Tommy turned off the engine and the boys sat in silence, staring at the darkness. Steve started to talk. He wished he had proof when he talked about the monsters and upside down, things that will probably make Tommy think he had officially lost it but he told everything. From Barbara dying in his pool to the apology turned into Demogorgon fight. The possessed child, demodogs, Billy and the tunnels. The nightmares and fear of the dark, how he somehow adopted a few kids and fooled them into thinking he's a good person. How they couldn't tell anyone because the government would probably throw them to prison. Or worse. He talked until his throat was raw and Tommy interrupted a few times to ask something but he listened carefully the whole time.

When he was done Steve was scared to look at Tommy. He knew how crazy it sounded and couldn't blame Tommy if he decided that he'd just taken too many hits to head.

Tommy reached to touch his cheek, turning his head and kissed him. It was softer and shorter than he usually was.

”I believe you.”

”How?” Steve's voice broke. Tommy shrugged.

”How could you make that up or lie? I've seen you change and crazy as that is it makes sense. I trust you”

He hugged Steve, letting him lean against Tommy's solid chest and press his face into his shoulder.

”I'm sorry that happened.” he muttered into Steve's ear.

So am I

He got into the academy. Hopper wrote him a reference letter filled and Nancy helped with the essay. Carol and Tommy were looking for apartments that would fit them all and before he knew it he was packing everything in his car. The kids had helped, Dustin being uncharacteristically quiet. When everything was packed he only had one thing left to do. Steve had pushed it far too long but once everyone had left he picked up the phone and called the number. A secretary answer and she sounded surprised when he said he was Maria Harrington's son but connected the call either way.

”Maria Harrington”, his mother answered after a few moments.

”Hi mom”

”Steve? Are you okay?” He wanted to laugh, when was the last time they called. Of course, she would expect something bad.

”No no, I'm okay”

”Ah, good”, a pause and she continued, ”what is it?”

Steve took a deep breath, leaning to the wall.

”I'm moving out. To Chicago.”

There was a long silence.

”Chicago? When?”

”We're going tomorrow. Sorry, I was supposed to tell earlier but...” you weren't here. He planned for months and they were still somewhere, Steve didn't even know where.

”Are you still going to the police school?” He was surprised she remembered. He nodded before realizing she couldn't see.

”Yeah. It starts in September. I'll live with Tommy and Carol, we got an apartment there.”

”Good.” The silence last enough that Steve was about to end the call before she keeps talking, sounding hesitant. ”I'm proud of you.”

”Mom...”

”I was never good for you, neither of us was. I'm so glad you grew to be a good man despite that and I hope you can forgive me someday.”

Steve felt tears in his eyes but his voice was steady.

”I'll leave the address here if you ever want to...” he couldn't finish it. He didn't want to hear the rejection but he couldn't imagine Maria Harrington coming to his apartment when she didn't even visit him here in their home.

”I will.”

Steve wiped his eyes. They didn't have anything to say and he could hear how uncomfortable his mother was but he never expected this.

”I'll talk to you later.”

”Okay. Good luck with the move. I love you.”

”Bye, mom.” I love you too, he thought. Maybe one day he could say it out loud to her. Steve set the phone back and straightened his back. The house looked like it always had, few boxes waiting in the hallway but otherwise spotless and perfectly designed. There were no pictures on the walls, just paintings. It could belong to anyone and after 18 years of living here, there was nothing personal. He knew the place they rented was going to be cramped but he smiled thinking about it. He heard Tommy's engine as he drove in the driveway, ready to pack everything in their cars and sleep here so they could leave early.

He was going home and for the first time in two years, he felt like he was going to be okay.