Chapter Text
It started with a glance.
A side glance, a flicker of a moment embedded permanently into the mind of the impenetrable heart who thought he had it all figured out. No, if things were that simple then he wouldn’t be here, lying in a crick in the dead of night, wondering if he would ever make it out.
So no, it wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t a love story where the guy gets the girl and they end up together and it’s all happiness and the story ends. The story is never over, life goes on for as long as it’s meant to be. And John wondered, is this it? The end of his story? He closed his eyes, wishing he could have just turned back the clock.
Wishing he would have never said anything at all
“202, 202, oh my god where the fu-”
Alex stopped in the middle of the hall, angrily clutching his books to his chest. He debated turning around and going back home; this campus was impossible to navigate and at this rate, he would never make it on time. He heard a distant rumble of footsteps from the floor above and knew he wasted another class period wandering aimlessly. He groaned, phoning Lafayette.
“Is everything good?” Laf said upon picking up. “You missed class, again.”
“I’m literally lost,” Alex grunted. “I’m in State Hall, and there’s no 202!”
“Mon ami, 202 is in State Auditorium.”
“Are you joking?”
Alex was new to Columbia College (once called King's College), a prestigious college in the heart of New York. In fact, he was new to the country altogether. Born and raised in Nevis, the Carribean had been his home up until now. He applied for scholarship after scholarship and finally ended up scrapping by a full ride. The only problem? He had to maintain a near-perfect GPA, and at this point, he might’ve already set himself up for failure. Thankfully, the Dean, Washington, had introduced him to a foreign whom he connected with easily, as both of them were fluent in French.
“Just stay there, Psychology is in that building, I’ll find you there?”
“Good luck, I have absolutely no idea where I am.”
“Just hang tight.”
When the two hung up, Alex sighed exasperatedly, wishing he had any luck with directions. This was going to be a long, long year.
John set his back down, miserably shuffling to his seat. His head was throbbing, and it seemed like things couldn’t get any worse. Should’ve gone lighter on the drinks, he noted.
“Where are they?” he mumbled, wringing his hands together. This was one of the few classes he, Lafayette and Hercules had together.
He assumed Laf was helping out the new kid, Alexander. He didn’t know much, besides that he was some sort of prodigy from the Caribbean. He rolled his eyes. Some people were born with all the luck. He studied the clusters of students sifting into the room, trying to pick out at least one person he knew. Eventually, Laf, Herc and another very disheveled student wandered in. John blinked. He was about the same height as him; black hair and averagely fair skin, his hair pulled back into a messy ponytail and wearing a simple sweatshirt and jeans. Not what he had expected at all. He turned away quickly so Alexander wouldn’t see him staring.
“It’s about time you guys showed up,” John mumbled as the three sat down.
“Don’t start,” Laf shot back.
As John looked over, he noticed Alexander looked increasingly uncomfortable. His hands were folded in front of him on his desk, and he stared at them as if they were the most interesting things in the world. He frowned, feeling guilty, but decided to not say anything.
Great first impression, he thought to himself annoyedly. He thinks you’re a dick.
Alex laid face-down on the couch, screaming in frustration at the day’s events. Hercules sat across from him, chuckling.
“Dude, it could not have been that bad.”
“I only made it to half of my classes,” he sat up, rubbing his face. “This campus is bigger than my entire hometown.”
Alex stayed in an apartment with his friend Hercules Mulligan, who he met online some odd years ago. Hercules was the one to tell him about Columbia and said if they both went they could split living fees. Once one thing led to another, they became roommates.
“Well, I know what will make you feel better.”
“Unless it’s the sweet embrace of death, I’m not interested.”
“Close,” Herc said. “A party this weekend at the Schuylers’ house. The biggest party of the semester, dude.”
“I don’t know…” Alex frowned. “I have so much work to catch up on already-”
“-You need friends, Alex. You need to get out, because I know you, if you don’t do it now, you never will. Besides, there’s gonna be some cute gals there.”
Alex raised an eyebrow, to which Herc added,
“And guys!”
“I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”
By the time the weekend came, John was beyond exhausted. School had barely been in session for a couple of months, and he was 182% done with it. He needed to get away if at all possible, but instead of his usual de-stress nights he was being forced into a party.
“It will be funnn!” Laf said, tugging on his arm. “Please?”
He and Laf shared an apartment, they have since the beginning of the semester to save money. They were fairly good friends, which was surprising as John didn’t make or keep them all that easily.
“I don’t know, Laf. I’m not really a party person…”
“But you can be. Come on!”
Laf stuck out his lips to pout. John laughed, pushing his face away.
“Fine- God- fine just stop with the face!”
“You won’t regret this, mon ami. It will be fun!”
As Laf walked away, John frowned, regretting his decision already.
“Yeah… fun.”
9:37, The Schuyler House…
Alex scanned the crowd, looking for someone- anyone he knew to talk to. The party had remained relatively calm, besides the typical groups of frat boys pounding pints of beer and the couples vanishing to other parts of the house. He rolled his eyes, leaning against the wall. He talked to a couple of different people, all of whom came and went. He was social when he needed to be, and a natural flirt which combined made for a lot of unwanted interest. He had ended up turning down three girls already that night. Thankfully, a mildly intoxicated Laf stumbled over to him.
“Alexander, what are you doing?” he asked. “You’re being a wallflower.”
“I’m just chilling s’all,” he replied.
His eye caught someone in particular across the room. While he and Laf made small talk, he couldn’t help but keep looking at them. It was a boy he soon figured out, who looked vaguely familiar. He had medium length curly hair, which was in a ponytail and wore a black blazer over a collared shirt. He was talking to someone else, looking painfully uninterested in the conversation. When he looked back to Laf he noticed him grinning knowingly.
“Who are you eying, mon ami?”
“Um, nobody.”
Laf glanced back, then looked at Alex surprisedly.
“John?”
Alex frowned. “Maybe? Who is he?”
“Alexander,” Laf said. “He is in nearly all our classes.”
“Really? I’ve never noticed him?”
“Well, you have now,” he said. “Actually, hold on,”
Before he could protest, Laf had already glided away. He watched in horror as he went over to John and began talking. He looked over to him curiously, to which Alex looked away and took a swig of his drink. By the time he dared to take a second look, Laf was leading him over, and he debated making a break for it.
“Alexander, this is John. John, Alexander,” he said. John waved awkwardly.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” Alex said.
“I should be going to find Hercules,” Laf said. “Have fun!”
As Laf strolled away, the two chuckled before ensuing in another awkward silence.
“So, you study Law too, huh?” Alex asked.
“Sort of, yeah.”
He frowned. “Sort of?”
John shrugged nonchalantly.
“Not really my choice. Pops always wanted a lawyer for a son, so he sent me here. Drained his bank account, so I’m stuck with it.”
Alex nodded. He could tell John wasn’t overly eager to be studying law, which he couldn’t imagine because he adored his major.
“What do you want to do, then?”
“Be a biologist,” he laughed. “Study animals, nature. Lame, I know but it’s something I’ve always liked. You’re new here, right?” He asked suddenly.
“Oh, yeah,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “Scholarship.”
John nodded. There were a few seconds of silence, so Alex said
“Fun party, eh?”
“I’m not a huge party person if I’m being honest,” John laughed. “I’m here for free beer and that’s about it.”
They talked for a half-hour or so, each minute they seemed to connect more and more. Alex learned that John was from South Carolina, and his dad worked for the office of admissions. In fact, his dad was the one who helped Alex secure some of his scholarships and let him enroll early. That’s how he met Laf and Herc since they both transferred from out of the country. He had also noticed a few more things, including the fact his face was dotted with freckles and accompanied bright chartreuse eyes, a combination he had never seen. After they talked a bit more, Alex said,
“Some cut girls here,” he chuckled. “You must get all the ladies, I take it?”
John shrugged dismissively, and before Alex could say anything else, Laf and Herc had stumbled back over.
“Might wanna file out soon, the annual kitchen fistfight is starting and Angelica said she might call the cops because that’s where the china case is now. Terrible decision on behalf of Mr. Schuyler,” Herc said.
Alex chuckled, and couldn’t help but notice how uncomfortable John suddenly had become. Before he had the chance to say anything else John said
“Yo, Herc, wanna raid the beer with me before the cops show?”
“Don’t have to ask me twice!”
As the two disappeared into the crowd, Alex turned back to Laf.
“So, how do you know John? I mean, I never really see you guys talk.”
Laf blinked. “We live in the same house.”
“What?” Alex said, nearly dropping his drink. “Laf, I’ve been to your house a million times and haven’t seen him once.”
“He’s usually… out.”
“Out? Out where?”
Laf glanced behind him, then back at an ever-increasingly confused Alex. He sighed.
“I wish I knew. We agreed, if I leave him be to his life, then he leaves me to mine. He is usually back by morning.”
Alex could tell Laf didn’t want to touch on the topic anymore, so he changed it and said,
“Is he… you know…straight? I asked him about girls and he got really uncomfortable.”
“He doesn’t wing that way, well, we don’t think at least. He never talks about it his family isn’t to... “ he paused thoughtfully. “Accepting.”
There were distant crashes and yells from the other side of the house, and a giddy looking John and Herc dashed from the kitchen with armloads of beer.
“We gotta go we gotta go we gotta go,” John said, running past the two. There was another loud crash, accompanied by the sound of breaking chinaware. Alex looked over to Laf and was completely awestruck at how unsurprised he was.
“We better leave,” he said. “I'll assume they are riding together.”
As they filed out, sirens wailed in the distance. People were leaving now, some casually, others running as if their lives depended on it. One person even went so far as to jump out of the living room window. It was unlike anything Alex had ever seen. Alex stared out the window silently the whole way back with only one thing on his mind; John.
Shot after shot, hit after hit and nothing seemed to work.
John sighed, leaning back in his chair while other pounded alcohol. He chuckled, they were all lightweights- half of them added water to their drinks to make it look like they weren’t. It was about three AM, and some people from the party decided to pick up the slack in a house a few blocks down. The place was run-down, absolutely nasty. Mold covered the corners of the ceiling, and it seemed like every surface was sticky to some degree. While everyone stumbled around, crossfaded out of their minds, John sat quietly in the corner wishing he had more. He eventually wandered out, stepping into the brisk coldness of the night wishing he didn’t live so far away. Because now, he would be alone with his thoughts the whole way home.
Classes proceeded uneventfully for the next week. The first days, John had seemed completely normal. Alex felt like he stared far too much, scanning for any sign of his night activities. Maybe he was a part of some sort of club? A cult? (Though, Alex could never imagine it). For the rest of the days, he ended up forgetting about it completely. That is, until that following weekend. He was seated on the couch, typing a paper for his psychology class while Herc made pre-class coffee when his phone rang. At first, he thought nothing of it.
“Hey Laf, what’s up? No, I haven’t, why do you ask? He what? Hey, hey, calm down-”
He perked up. Herc sat his cup down, walking from the kitchen into the living room.
“Did you call the police? Oh God, oh fuck- no listen, you need to call. When did he leave?”
Herc was growing more frantic with every word. Who was ‘he’? Alex had a fairly good idea, though he didn’t want to believe it.
“I’ll be there in five, okay? Hang tight. Alright- alright bye,”
When he hung up, he ran a hand down his face.
“What’s going on?” Alex asked, closing his laptop.
“It’s John. He didn’t come home last night.”
Alex blanked.
“What do you mean?”
Herc threw his bag over his shoulder, scooping his car keys off the countertop.
“Whenever he goes out, he is usually back home by morning or at least communicates when he isn’t. This time he hasn’t. His phone is off, Laf is freaking out. He normally doesn’t do this-”
“Normally?”
Herc frowned.
“It happened one other time when he…” he trailed off. “We can talk later, want me to drop you off at class?”
“Don’t you want me to come along?”
“You can if you want,” Herc shrugged. “I know how you are with your classes.”
Alex scoffed.
“Compared to this, classes are the least of my concern.”
When the two got to Laf’s house, Alex could hardly believe the state he was in. His eyes were red, and his hands were shaking as he’d never seen.
“I should’ve known something was up,” he said. “He’s been acting so different, I should’ve told someone, I should've-”
Alex listened silently from the couch as the two talked, Herc trying to calm down Laf, who sounded as though he was crying. What are they talking about? He wondered.
“Do you think he did anything?”
“God, oh god I hope not. I thought he was okay after that!”
After what?
They’re voices quieted for a moment to a hushed whisper.
“Should we tell him?”
“He’s barely been here for a month, mon ami, I don't want to unload more onto him…”
Alex furrowed his brows, his mind jumping to conclusion after conclusion, hoping that John was alright.
As the day broke, John’s mind wandered to and fro. The same images flashing in his mind like a broken television. The night had gone as planned, he would meet up with his friend to seal the deal on a somewhat large drug deal on the southside just out of town. What he hadn’t anticipated, however, was the move his bud would make on the other two men.
“Three hundred, take it or leave it,” the biggest of the two said. Hi friend, Daniel sighed.
“Listen, man, I only got one hundred.”
“I thought we had a deal.”
John had looked over at Daniel who grinned smugly. It was at that moment he knew what he was up to, and he didn’t like it.
“Dude, what are you-?
Daniel held up a hand.
“I don’t want any trouble here, good men,” he said cooly. His hand reached for his belt, and within milliseconds all hell broke loose. There were deafening gun-shots, and Daniel had disappeared into the night. By the time John had gone to run, one of the other men grabbed him by the collar and threw him to the ground.
“You think you can finesse us, huh?”
“I didn’t,” he gasped “I didn’t have anything to do with this!”
Naturally, they didn’t believe him. They had beaten him, kicked, punched, thrown him against the wall even after he stopped fighting back. Even though the front of his shirt was caked in blood, and was dripping from his mouth from repeated punches to his stomach. After they felt he had enough, they left him lying on the ground in the back of the alleyway, and there he laid all night. When the sunlight was just visible at the end of the alley, he tried to call out, but there was nobody there to hear him.
He propped himself up against the cold cement wall, externalizing whatever strength left in him. His entire body was sore, and his wounds subsided to throbbing, dull pain. When he finally managed to get himself to his feet, he sighed. This was going to be a fun walk home.