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Jack O’Neill has literally no idea what has just happened.
Well, he knows, technically, what he’s just been doing. With Sam. Off-world. While Teal’c and Daniel are asleep not ten feet away. He’s just a bit murky on the details of why his sort-of second in command – his engaged second in command, he corrects himself , wincingly – why she would decide that she wanted to crawl into his lap and kiss him, not a little desperately, while they are nominally on watch on an alien planet.
His head hurts.
Sam just leapt up from her position in his lap where she had been twisting and shifting, achingly, for a few short minutes, and is hiding away in their tent. The tent to which he will have to return when Teal’c relieves him for the third watch in – he lifts the flap over his watch to check the time, and grimaces – a couple of hours. He could switch into Teal’c’s spot he supposes, but then the big guy would probably figure something was up and grill him about it, with that pesky raised eyebrow or smirk or whatever it is that Teal’c does when he wants to make a point.
Jack growls his frustration – quietly, obviously, he’s not a complete idiot – as he tries to get his brain around why Carter’s brain would decide just then to throw caution and several years of self-restraint out of the window. And she’s engaged, for Pete’s sake.
He curses his own stupid pun.
His body is cooling off a little now and he takes the opportunity to get up and stroll the perimeter of their little camp. He thinks better when he’s moving, anyway. Even when he can still feel the pressure of her lips on his, and his hands remember the feel of her waist beneath his grip. She’d felt somehow smaller than he’d expected, lighter, and though he’s seen her curves before, objectively, the feel of her was altogether different. Enticing. And really, really hot. Hot like her mouth was hot and her hands when she touched his –
Woah. So not going there. Again.
As luck would have it, there’s no sign of anything untoward in the nearby terrain – though Jack would kind of appreciate the chance to shoot something right now, or at least throw a couple of punches and yell a little.
Think, O’Neill, think. Why would she suddenly throw him for a loop like this? He’d assumed that things were going back to normal (whatever that was) between them in the months since she’s started dating Pete. She’s been catching his eye, giving him the odd grin – whistling to herself, even. And he’s been working hard to treat her normally, like one of the guys; a pat on the shoulder, a steadying hand. Nothing untoward, he’s certain. (He’s been so careful to be normal with her). He didn’t even give her a hint of his dismay when she showed him the engagement ring, he’s pretty certain anyway. Maybe he hasn’t found it in himself to tell her about Kerry – he allows himself a small shard of dismay at the thought of Kerry, and how she deserves more than his behavior tonight – but it couldn’t matter to Carter anyway because she’s moving on with her life. And if he occasionally lingered over a touch to her shoulder, her arms, the small of her back, well, they were still friends, weren’t they? Co-workers, who’ve been through fire together?
But tonight, if he’s honest with himself, she’s seemed on edge. Twitchy, even. He couldn’t tell what was up with her, but she’s nothing if not a consummate professional, so he figured it was just tension at having her former team leader back out in the field with SG-1 while she’s finding her feet as the senior officer. That’s why he’d come to join her on her watch a little early, to give her the chance to talk it out over a cup of joe.
Of course, there hadn’t been much talking. Damnit.
He allows himself just a little indulgence in reliving the incredible feeling of having Carter, the woman with whom he’s been stupidly enamored for the last seven years, actually in his arms and kissing him. And not because they’re dying or don’t have their memories or are stuck in a time loop or are from an alternate universe (shit, they’ve been around the block a few times, haven’t they). But apparently because she wanted to.
So he’d taken a seat next to her, close enough to feel her leg against his, just reassuring that he was there, and then suddenly she’d been looking up at him, wide eyed, and he hadn’t had a clue what she was going to do until she was actually, well, doing it, and then she was doing it and he realized he didn’t have a freaking clue about what to do next so he just… went with it.
Jack pulls his fingers roughly through his hair in frustration. Not a clue. He knows his feelings haven’t changed in the last few years since the damn armbands had forced a confession from them both, but she’s young and hot and smart and oh yeah, engaged to another guy, so he had pretty much assumed that she’d seen the light and moved on with her life. Apparently, not so much.
He brings his attention back to the situation at hand and there’s still nothing he can shoot without waking Daniel up, and that would draw a whole load of questions that he doesn’t feel like answering right now. Time has been ticking on and it’s not long now before Teal’c will head out here and Jack will have to duck back into the tent where Carter is hopefully by now sleeping. (He doesn’t kid himself about the chances of her shrugging it off and merrily dozing away, though).
He pictures himself asking Teal’c for advice – hey, buddy, so Carter just jumped me and that made me remember that I kind of have a thing for her even though she’s marrying someone else, so I was wondering if you and I could... talk it out?
He shakes his head in irritation. Not an option, obviously. They’ve already compromised their professional standing enough without asking their teammates to keep it hidden for them. Off-world. Jeez. On the plus side, it doesn’t seem like the world is ending, so contrary to Jack’s private belief that apocalypse would be the only way he’d have Carter in his arms again, they might just get the chance to face this on a personal level before they have to face it professionally.
He doesn’t even know what that conversation would begin to sound like. It’s pretty obvious to him that there is literally no way the political enemies of the Stargate program would nod and congratulate them on their relationship, when they could use the fact of the Commander of the SGC and his recent former 2-I-C flaunting regulations – together – to put the program under pressure. Tactically speaking, what they’ve just done is a major mistake. And he’s pretty sure they’re both on thin ground, morally speaking, with their respective relationships. Wrong and bad and – wrong. But somehow, very, very right.
Jack realizes his fists are curled tight with tension. Just as he takes a deep breath to steady himself, he hears Teal’c stir and make ready to take over the watch.
Jack thinks, yep, literally no idea what just happened.
He sighs and steadies himself. Way to go, Jack.