Chapter Text
When I open my eyes, it feels like I am waking from a beautiful dream. Peace and joy sit on my chest and I feel a freedom and happiness that disappeared with my parents and my childhood over thirty years ago. The sky glows red and orange.
“What a beautiful sunrise”, I automatically think, smiling, “Steve would love this”.
The thought makes me pause, and I feel my brow furrow and the smile slip off my face. Why, when I think about Steve, do feel suddenly anxious? My confused thoughts bump into each other. I think for several moments until it comes to me, the snap. Gasping, I sit up quickly.
Wait, when did I lie down? Something cold snakes down my arm and I see my hands are wet. I’m sitting in shallow water that reflects the colors of the sunset. Except, is it a sunset?
I remember.
The time heist, the flight to Vormir, the red demon telling us somebody needed to die. But I died. I let go of Clint’s hand. If I am here, then…
“Clint” I softly say, then “Clint!”
No, no, no, no, he wasn’t meant to die! It was my turn to save him. Whipping my head around, looking frantically for the man, I scramble in the water on my hands and knees. “Clint!” Laura needs her husband, his kids need their father! And me, how could I live with my best friend gone? “Where are you!?” I scream his name until I am hoarse. My heart breaks. I’ll have to look everyone in the eye, and tell them I let Clint die.
It should’ve been me, I’ll explain, I wanted it to be me. I don’t know how this happened.
Still sitting in several inches of water, I weep, head in hands, until I can’t anymore.
//
The orange and red sky is constant, and the water stays calm and shallow. With muscles protesting and joints aching, I drag myself to a standing position. My entire body aches like I just fell 1000 feet, but I stand up. If Clint died for me, then I will honor him and bring back that stone.
After thorough searching, it’s clearly not in the water surrounding me. Frowning, I consider the options. The water and the orange sky continue forever, I can’t see the borders. “Where am I?”, I start to wonder more seriously. Vormir softly echoes in my head. It looks different than when we landed in the ship. I don’t understand. Despite the endless expanse in front of me, I start slogging through the water. Determination settles in my heart and on my face, replacing my fear. I won’t let Clint down. I must find the stone, my ship, and get the hell out of here.
//
Hours pass, maybe even days, and my surroundings look exactly the same. The panic I’ve been ignoring starts to rise in my throat. Where am I and how do I escape? Shaking my head I will the thoughts away.
“Natalia Romanova, get it together”, I say in Russian through gritted teeth. I rack my brain for a new plan. Okay, if I can’t see the way to go, what then can I hear? I take steadying breaths and close my eyes.
…
Wind. There is a gentle wind that I feel roll past my ears. Its quiet whisper is soothing. Wind means there is something else here. When I open my eyes, though, the quiet noise disappears. I test it a few more times, trying to focus my hearing on the faint sound, but when my eyes open to sky, the noise always fades.
‘Eyes closed it is then,” I grumble. With small and tentative steps forward, I blindly move towards the origin of this wind. It gets louder as I travel, but it goes silent when I open my eyes. The first time I freak out, trembling as I close my eyes and concentrate. Relief washes over me when I find the wind
I am walking with closed eyes, stepping through the water carefully, when I begin to hear voices in the wind. Vormir. Standing stock still, my eyes shoot open. My heart pounds in my chest. “Whose’s there?”, I challenge. The silence is all I hear. I continue walking after several minutes of suspicious investigation. Vormir. The quiet voice comes again. My eyes stay closed this time, but the voice scares me to my core. There is a prickle on the back of my neck. I am not alone.
With fear driving me faster, I pick up the pace. Already hyperventilating, I start running through the water, but it’s so heavy. I can’t lift my feet high enough and I just slosh through, as if I was wading through the ocean. My terror of this strange alien world keeps me moving even when my muscles tremble and I gasp for air. I flinch as a wave of water hits my face and I realize I’ve fallen down. Eyes still closed I hear the same voice, it’s a whisper level, and the being calls me by name. Natasha Romanoff. You are released.
//
I come to on the mountain where I last saw Clint. The hovering wraith, the Red Skull, looks at me with disgust in his eyes.
“You have returned,” he growls.
“I’m here for the stone.” I growl back.
“You know the requirements,” says Red Skull, “In order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love. A soul for a soul. And Natasha you are alone.”
“I already lost what I love,” my voice even and hard as steel. “You took Clint, now give me what I’m due.”
“You are wrong, Clint lost you.”
“Well I’m here and he is not, so obviously he took the fall.” Though my face doesn’t waver, the words cause heartache.
“Clint has come and gone. You are the one who remained.”
I pause. The world spins. I don’t understand, so much of this I don’t understand. But I do remember falling.
I see Clint’s face, against the rocks.
“Let me go.”
“No. No, please no.” he pleads. I see his tears. My heart shatters.
“It’s ok”, I whisper.
Then I kick off and I’m falling, willing Clint to know that I’m so glad he saved me, gave me a family, that I love him.
Then nothing.
“I died,” I quietly state.
“Yes”, says the Red Skull.
Hiding the shock, I demand, “How long ago.”
“There is no time here,” spits the Red Skull. “But I held the stone again, returned by your star-spangled friend.”
Steve. Then they did it. They brought everyone back. They won. It was all worth it.
I take a deep breath, and I feel the fire relight in my soul. I’m going home.