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Kaneki lays awake, sweat plastered onto his forehead. If he closes his eyes, he can feel the phantom pains of chains wrapped around his wrists, the biting aches of wood digging at his skin, and the burning hot agony of his fingers snapping-
He sits up, ignoring the irrational fear of shadows dancing across his window. Hide shifts in his sleep beside him, but Kaneki pays no mind. He can faintly hear their voices, telling him how weak he is, how nice it would feel to let go of this unneeded restraint and eat-
Blinking, he finds himself in his kitchen. His body is already going through the motions of brewing fresh coffee, and he sees no reason to stop. The action calms his racing thoughts, just a little. He breaths a heavy sigh of relief as the persistent voices quiet down.
Distantly, he can hear Hide yawning from their shared bedroom. The clock on the stove shows it’s three in the morning.
Keeping his footsteps predictable, Hide pads his way into the kitchen. “Nightmare?” The blond asks, mindful of touching Kaneki in one of his episodes. He appreciates the action.
“Yeah.” He doesn’t elaborate.
He sees Hide nod, taking the offered cup of coffee. They sit in silence as they sip their respective drink.
Hide yawns again before asking, “And which one is present?”
Sometimes, Kaneki feels his conscious switch directions, as if someone else is taking the reins. He’s comforted by the thought of someone looking out for him.
“Just Kaneki, right now,” His tone of voice and mannerisms show Hide which one he’s properly talking about.
Hide smiles, love crinkled in the corner of his eyes. Kaneki feels his posture relax at the sight.
“Always a pleasure, Kaneki.”
He hides his giggle in his coffee, and lets the calming weight of his boyfriend’s company drape over him.
——
His breaths come uneven and shallow, panic laced underneath them. He doesn’t know what set him off, all he can do is whisper apologies through heavy gasps and hope the ghost of his mother disappears.
He swears he can feel heavy hands hitting his small body, cruel words spit at him and he lays there helpless.
He’s curled up in the corner somewhere, protecting his head like he always does. He’s so sorry, he didn’t mean it, please-
Gentle hands card through his hair, Ken flinching at the unexpected contact. They don’t pause, only slow down.
“Can you breathe for me? Just like that, there you go. Please, almost there-“ A soft voice eases through to him, his head brought to someone’s chest. Their heartbeat is slow and comforting, an anchor in the crashing tide.
Ken matches their breathing to the person’s, steadily relaxing. He looks up with blurred vision and sees the familiar face of Hide.
He melts into his grip, not quite ready to speak. Hide just adjusts them, whispering reassuring nonsense.
“Anyone home?” Hide says after a short period of time. Ken smiles, tired and spent.
“Ken,” He answers. He feels Hide nod, and moves his hand to play with his hair again. Ken hums appreciatively.
“Hide?” He whispers. “Thanks.”
All he gets in response is a chaste kiss to his forehead, and a murmured “No problem.”
——
Haise switches with relative ease, taking full stock of the situation. He’s watching TV, Hide at his side, and no apparent danger in sight.
Hide glances at him from the corner of his eyes, and waves. Haise grins, “Hello, Hide. What are we watching?”
“Hi Haise!” Hide gestures to the TV, remote in hand. “Just some anime I got Kaneki to watch with me.”
Haise nods. “I’m sure Kaneki fell asleep. For now, I’d be happy to watch with you.”
Haise has always smiled more than the rest of them, and his cheeks ache with the persistence of it. Hide doesn’t bat an eye.
“I’d love to!” He says, before turning his attention to the screen.
Haise moves to get comfier, and enjoys the lazy afternoon.
——
When Kaneki comes to, there’s a blanket covering him, with the lights dimmed. His mind is hazy, like he just woke up after a long nap.
He looks to his right, and sees Hide curled up on the couch next to him, sound asleep. Kaneki smiles, soft and barely there.
He pokes Hide awake and offers for them to sleep in the comfort of their actual bed. Hide, still half-asleep, readily agrees.
The sun is still setting as Kaneki moves closer to his boyfriend, but he supposes it could be worse.
He rests his head on Hide’s chest, his even breaths tempting his eyes closed, and falls asleep with the feeling of home resting in his bones.