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They say love makes the world go round. Some would agree, some might not. Everyone has their own fair share of relationship problems— especially the romantic ones. Ah yes, those false claims where people say they love you, yet are just there to use you for their needs. Claims of love held only by a loose thread of empty promises. Those who get neglected fulfilling their wishes. Yes, love.
Humans are inherently selfish. Some want to "win" and often get other people to understand what they want. Some would force others with their needs, then gets left behind once the deed is done. Because of that, relationships and people suffer.
Elizabeth Blount knows that all too well for her liking.
Love was now a foreign and un-welcomed feeling inside Bessie, especially one that involves romance. She has no problem loving platonically, especially with her girls. They're her entire world, she would do anything for them, and they'd do the same for her. So much so to the point they often try to help her find that special one once again. Bessie isn't sure if she ever wants to find that "special someone" anymore.
Actually, Bessie wasn't so sure if she ever loved someone truly. All she ever known was people using her for her body, her looks, and not for herself. In all honesty, if she was allowed to be selfish, she wished someone would love her not just for the sex. Truth be told, she's now repulsed by the act; even a slight mention of it would ruin her day. That led to her own discomfort when listening to All You Wanna Do. She hated that song, hated the lyrics, hated it's message, cause it just hits so close to home. Being used at such a young age, only existing to please people, the thought made her want to throw up. She really did not like partaking in any more sexual acts.
Her fellow ladies noticed, of course they did. It was easy for them to notice, they're basically family now. Noticing every little thing, all the subtle changes, the barely noticeable ticks. Bessie was quite grateful honestly, it was some sort of reassurance that her family's there, and no one was going to hurt her.
What surprised her was it also caught the eye of a certain queen.
Bessie never really expected any of the queens to notice, but here she was, just after the show, backstage just outside her dressing room, face to face with none other than her queen, Anna of Cleves.
Oh God was Bessie terrified.
She expected judgement, disappointment, even anger. Bessie expected to be thrown to the sidelines once again, to rot and suffer alone. A punishment, if you will, for the things she did, she didn't, and she wasn't suppose to do. Not to say she was weak, no, Elizabeth Blount was strong, the only thought she couldn't handle was leaving her girls, her family, behind. Especially under the command of her queen.
Oh God she can't. She can't leave them. No. Never. Who's going to make sure Joan actually sleeps? Who'll be there for her every problem? To help her feel more human? She can't just leave Maria to handle everything by herself. As much as she trusts the drummer, and the fact that Maria keeps insisting that she can handle shit, Bessie knew better. And don't get her started on Maggie. She'd fight tooth and nail to not leave Maggie behind. Use her, hurt her, exile her once more, but she'd be damned if she ever leaves her girls. She'd kill herself if she ever left one of them behind. She'll shed blood to protect them. She'll disobey her queen, she doesn't care. She doesn't. She won't leave them. She doesn't care, she's not going to leave them—
"Hey, Bessie? Babe, breathe for me. C'mon!"
Her queen. Her queen was still there. Voice free of malice and judgement, only worry. Worry. Her queen was worried . Why? Why would someone, much less the queens , be worried for her? She's a mistake. She's going to get fired now. Oh God, she's going to leave her girls—
"Bessie, babe please. Breathe."
Breathe. Her queen was just asking her to breathe. In, out, control your tears.
"There we go!" Anna exclaimed, relief flooding through her body as she finally saw Bessie taking deep breaths. "Good, that's great. Keep going, it's going to be fine." She whispered, placing her hands gently on Bessie's shoulders. "Keep on breathing, liebling."
Bessie looked up, and there she saw the soft gaze given to her by Cleves. Those dark eyes without any spite whatsoever, only concern. The bassist bit her lip, then looked back down. With a quiet waver in her voice, she spoke, "I'm sorry."
Cleves sighed, hand moving from Bessie's shoulder to cup her cheeks, making the bassist look at her. "Bessie," she began, voice quiet as to not startle her lady even more, "don't apologize for something you're feeling. Is this because of All You Wanna Do?"
Bessie nodded, shame clear in her eyes. She shouldn't feel like this, she's not suppose to, she says to herself, yet she can't help it.
"Yeah," Cleves breathed out, a somber expression on her face, "Katherine hates it too. She and Parr really wanna change their songs, but knew that it was too late. I really can't blame you for that reaction to Kat's song, truth be told, almost all of us were a bit disturbed by it." She let out a humourless chuckle, and somehow it managed to ground Bessie. "I can't imagine the pain you felt, you and Kat, but I swear, Bess, while I'm here I'll make sure you won't get hurt again. It's a promise."
Bessie's breath hitched, she was promised so many things before, and all of those led to her disappointment. All those empty promises and lies, tied together by a string of sugarcoated words of reassurance, and gifted to her by unclean hands. She doesn't trust promises one bit, yet when she stared up at her queen, looking intently in her dark eyes, she saw how genuine Cleves was. How determined she truly is to protect her, to actually keep that promise, it made Bessie tear up more.
"You're just saying that."
"It may be hard for you to believe now, and I understand, but I will do whatever it takes for you to believe me."
Bessie held on to that, expecting to be once again disappointed, yet her queen was adamant about it, that it almost made her believe that. But, she's stubborn, and she's willing to wait how long will it take for Cleves to forget about it.
Yet the fourth queen hasn't.
It has been a year now, a year since that happened, and Cleves still kept a close eye on her. Checking in on her and making sure she's safe. It would be a lie if Bessie said it didn't fill her with warmth. Someone actually cared, someone other than her girls, and it was her queen no less! The most amazing woman Bessie had ever met, making sure she's alright, had captured her heart. It would also be another lie to say she wasn't scared. Yet, before her heart begins to break in panic, Cleves finally sealed that promise when she asked Bessie out.
One successful date led to another, and another, until they're finally a couple. Many people congratulated them, saying how happy they were that 'they finally stopped dancing around each other,' as Anne and Maggie had put it. It was all too much for Bessie, there's still that doubt in the back of her head telling her that this is just a trick. That Cleves will just leave her like the rest. The thought never left her, it haunted her, whispering oh so slowly how she'll end up alone again. Telling her why, out of anyone, did Cleves chose her.
Why did Cleves chose her..?
The fourth queen was everything Bessie wanted; kind, patient, optimistic, yet she couldn't fathom why someone who's clearly leagues away from her would choose her. Why a queen would ever look her way. Why those dark crimson eyes always look adoringly at her; why those same eyes look at her with worry and concern whenever her least favourite song plays.
Why?
Why did Cleves ever had the time for her?
Why is she doing this?
Why would she waste her time?
"Why?"
"What do you mean?"
Bessie cursed to herself, biting her lip as she looked up to see those pair of dark crimson eyes staring at her. How hilariously painful it was that it almost seems like the first time it happened; just outside their dressing room, right after the show.
"Bessie? Babe, is something wrong?" Cleves pried again, hoping to get something from her girlfriend.
Bessie, for her part, only felt sick more. Did she really deserve this wonderful woman? She wishes. They're together, yet she still couldn't believe it. Now, seeing as there's no point in hiding it, she once again scolded herself for her carelessness, she took in a deep breath and let out a long, tired sigh.
"Why me?"
"What?"
Tears started to form in Bessie's eyes, it just dawned to her how loud the music outside was, and how quiet their voices were. "You could have had anyone," she quietly said, now looking back at Cleves. The look in her eyes were a mix of hurt, worry, and a silent understanding that Bessie never thought she'd get. It hurt her too, seeing Cleves so deep in thought, but she manage to croak out: "so, why me?"
Cleves only stood there, dumbfounded. She blinked slowly, then fixated her gaze once again to Bessie. She furrowed her brows, then she smiled sadly, how unfortunate that this beautiful and talented woman in front of her still can't see her own worth. "Because," she began, moving her hands to cup Bessie's cheek, wiping away few stray tears, "you're the one I love. You always have been. Is that really so hard to believe?"
Reassurance, something she did not expect from those words. Reassurance that Cleves really does love her, that this wasn't just a trick, isn't just a past time. Her queen, her love , kept that promise. She kept it close to her chest, holding it close to remind her of Bessie.
"I love you, Bess," Cleves breathed out, inching herself close to Bessie, planting a soft, chaste kiss on her forehead. "I love you so much."
Bessie let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, a sigh so deep that she breathed out with her thoughts. Someone loved her. Anna of Cleves loved her. She smiled, her tears were starting to dry, and once she looked up at Cleves, she uttered the words she never would've thought she'd say to someone again:
"I love you, too."