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“Do you want to have another kid?”
Eddie stopped scrolling through his Instagram and turned his head towards his husband. They were currently taking a few minutes in bed to unwind before going to sleep.
Eddie shrugged. “I haven’t really thought about it. Do you want another kid?” They’d been married for six months and he’d been more focused on enjoying their time together as newlyweds.
Buck hesitated. “Maybe...?”
Eddie shook his head exasperated. “You need to be sure Evan because a kid is not a stray puppy you can return to the shelter when you get bored or things get tough. You have to be 100% committed.” Now where had that come from?
Buck’s body tensed and fire shot from his eyes. “Who says I wouldn’t be 100% committed? I love Christopher like he’s my own. When have I not been there for him?”
Eddie recognized this conversation had quickly gone left and took a breath to remain calm.
“I’m not Shannon.”
Eddie froze. Is that why he said what he did? Fear that Buck would one day leave him too?
Buck sighed audibly. “I think it’s best if I go sleep in the guest room tonight.”
Before Eddie could get his thoughts together and stop him, he was already heading out of the room.
The door shut with a quiet click. Buck still always mindful of the child down the hall.
Eddie didn’t sleep at all that night.
&&&
The next morning Eddie, Buck, and Christopher all sat around the kitchen table. It was quiet—too quiet. The only sound in the room coming from spoons scraping against cereal bowls.
Eddie knew Christopher sensed something happened between his dads and was keeping to himself too. It could have been the fact that Buck wasn’t his usual talkative self, but the dead giveaway was they were having cereal on a Saturday morning—a Saturday morning where they didn’t have to work. Buck refused to feed the sugary treat to his family unless they absolutely had no time for a hot meal.
When Christopher finished his breakfast, he asked to be excused. “Sure. Why don’t you go play in your room for a bit,” said Eddie.
Christopher looked between his dads. “Ok, Dad.”
Eddie reached over to pull the chair away from the table so Christopher could get up safely.
Once he was tucked away in his room, Eddie turned his head to Buck. “I think we should talk about last night.”
Buck stood up quickly from the table and pushed his chair in before grabbing his empty bowl and heading to the kitchen sink.
Eddie sighed. He had hoped Buck had calmed down just enough that Eddie could grovel without too much resistance. He was wrong.
He got up from the table when the water turned on and approached Buck from behind. He wrapped his arms around Buck’s body and clasped his hands together against his stomach.
Eddie felt Buck tense slightly as he rested his head on his shoulder so he could breathe in his husband’s scent.
“I love you so much. And I’m sorry for what I said.”
Buck’s body seemed to relax a little. He turned off the water before turning around and giving Eddie a hug in return.
“I love you too, but what you said really hurt me.” Buck stepped out of his arms and leaned back against the counter, putting a little distance between them once again. Eddie understood that meant his work in fixing this was not quite complete.
“I know.” He mirrored Buck’s pose against the kitchen island. “You have never given me a reason to doubt your commitment to me or this family. I know you’re not Shannon, but I also can’t pretend that her ultimate decision to leave me and Christopher hasn't left a scar. I think in the back of my mind I will always have this tiny fear that you might decide to walk out too.”
Buck’s mouth opened to interject, but Eddie put up a hand to stop him. “Not because of you, but because of me—that I’m not worth staying for.”
Buck’s face fell in understanding and he stepped into Eddie’s space. “Never! Eddie, I love you. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I meant my vows when I married you. Never doubt that. Leaving you and Christopher would be like ripping out my heart.”
Eddie pointed to his own chest. “I know that here.” Then he pointed to his head. “It’s getting this up to speed that’s the issue.”
Buck pulled Eddie into a hug. “I’m not going anywhere—I’m in it for the long haul, Babe. And if you’re ever feeling insecure about it, just tell me. We’ll talk it out together.”
Eddie nodded, but then pulled out of the embrace slightly so he could look into Buck’s eyes. There was just one more thing he needed to say.
“About what you asked last night...about having more kids. I love the family we have created—the three of us. But I can’t think of anything that would make me happier than to add one or two more to it.”
The hopeful look that overtook Buck’s face was endearing. “Really?”
“Yes. You are an amazing father and you have so much love to give. This family has a lot of love to give. It would be a shame not to share it.”
Buck grabbed Eddie by the shoulders and pulled him into a heated kiss. “Yes, it would!”
Buck pulled away and hurried out of the kitchen.
“Where are you going?”
“To get my phone!” Buck yelled as he headed down the hallway. “I have to call Maddie and tell her the news! She’s been lording it over me that she has more kids than I do.”
Eddie groaned and yelled back, “Buck, this isn’t a competition!”