Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Gravity

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She wakes up in a sweat, a scream on the tip of her tongue.

The rate of her heart is brutal, leaving her short of breath and staring mournfully at her dark ceiling. 

I’m tired of this , she thinks, much like she does every day. 

A glance at her clock confirms that she has been asleep for a measly couple of hours, and the shake in her fingers tells her it hadn’t been enough. 

It’s never enough.

Flashes of Kaguya’s face up close, of lava under her feet, still leaves her quaking as if the war is still happening right beyond her windows. Some days it feels so real, Sakura is afraid to crack open her curtains lest it proves the nightmares true, and she finds herself stuck back in that hellish reality.

The truth is Sakura never thought she’d make it out of the Fourth War alive. She remembers crouching over the bodies of broken, crying men and thinking: This will be me someday . This will be me and there won’t be anyone to save me. 

She was almost right; after all, she nearly met her death in that war more times than she had in her entire ninja career. From foe and friend alike, and it still burns that Sasuke nearly let her fall into molten fire—it burns more than it would have had she actually fallen into it. 

She shakes the thoughts away. They serve nothing but to make her feel worse. 

Her shift at the hospital doesn’t begin for another two hours, but she figures she’d get an early start. Peeling away damp sheets, she crawls up to her feet feeling completely wrecked and nauseous.

Her head spins and spins and she has to steady herself against her dresser for a moment. 

How much longer could she take this? How much more before her sanity gives? 

She hopes she doesn’t collapse at work.

Kakashi’s foot repeatedly bounces on the floor. 

He’s been doing that a lot lately, he’s noticed. It wasn’t like him to exude nervous energy, but exhaustion and irritation grow inside him and this is his only available outlet these days. 

Being Hokage is an endless nightmare—back to back meetings with stuck up ancient councilmen that treat him, a man who is thirty-four years old, like he is a child; and a growing pile of papers that’s so persistent it’s beginning to chase him into his dreams. 

It seems silly to complain about it, because he is grateful for a chance to make a tangible difference in the system, and he has survived two wars and is now seeing the fruits of his labour. But despite all that ... Kakashi is exhausted in new and different ways he didn’t even know existed. 

Even amidst bloody wars he never felt headaches quite the way he did these days. And the councilmen ... Kakashi grit his teeth ... at least during the war no one dared condescend or belittle him. No one doubted his decisions or skills in the field. 

Being Hokage feels like a constant struggle to prove himself worthy of that hat. Except Kakashi never really felt worthy for that hat. 

A knock on his door pulls him out of his frustrated internal monologue.

“Come in,” he calls, feeling the wash of Sakura’s green chakra. It roils sickly, which worries him.

When the door opens and he sees her, his worry only intensifies. 

She looks a little like death.

“Hokage-sama,” she greets formally, earning a wince.

“Gods Sakura, I told you to drop the title,” multiple times. And he will continue to ask her for it.

“Kakashi-senpai,” she amends, not looking particularly remorseful. “I have the proposal you requested for the children’s hospital wing.”

He nods, receiving the papers. “Thank you, I’ll bring it up in the next council meeting.”

Sakura nods back, shifting her weight onto her other foot as she awaits his dismissal.

He takes a moment to glance down on the papers as he debates on what to do. She looks ready to keel over. She always looks ready to keel over.

“Will that be all?” She asks, noticing his hesitation.

“Say, Sakura,” Kakashi looks up at her and steels himself for he was never a man to pry but it feels important that he tries. “How are you doing?”

She blinks at him. “Um. I’m okay ... how are you doing?”

He tries not to frown at her obvious lie and clear deflection, but he appeases her anyway. “I’m so ready to pass the hat and be done with this forever.”

At least his answer makes her smile. “You know, you being Hokage makes so much sense and yet no sense at all.”

“Do elaborate,” he motions to the couch in his office as he gets up, inviting her for a small chat.

“Uh …” Sakura hesitates. “Kakashi-senpai I really can’t stay long. I have to get back to the hospital.”

“Just for a little bit then,” Kakashi insists and goes to the corner station to brew them some tea. “You never make time for your old sensei anymore.”

Sakura snorts. “I see you at least once a day.”

“To hand me a report,” Kakashi grumbles, heating the kettle. “Do you not appreciate my charming company?”

When he looks at her, she’s trying hard to resist a tired smile and failing. “Of course I do,” she says. “... fine I’ll stay for a bit.”

He beams in satisfaction and joins her on his couch with two steaming mugs. “Now tell me.”

“Right,” she chuckles, receiving her tea and taking a tentative sip. “The thing is, you’re definitely a leader, it comes to you naturally, I think. But you also ... seem like you can’t be bothered. And you clearly feel like this is an obligation. It would be like me being the best medic but hating my job.”

Honestly, he doesn’t know whether to be flattered or a little indignant. “You chose to be a medic. I didn’t choose to be Hokage.”

“That’s fair,” she agrees, rubbing at tired green eyes. “But like you, I never chose to be a medical director, it was just expected of me. So really, I get it.”

He never quite thought of it that way. It’s surprisingly enlightening. “That’s ... fair,” he finds himself nodding. “Is that why you look exhausted? The hospital too much for you?”

He nearly bites his own tongue. Zero tact, he thinks to himself in horror when Sakura jerks like he slapped her. “N-not that you’re not absolutely capable, but perhaps we’re overworking you.” He hastens to add, anxious that he might have offended her. 

Sakura sinks a little in her seat and turns to look away from him. He can’t even begin to imagine what she’s thinking but there’s a look of rueful acceptance on her face. 

“I’m not overworked,” she says after a silence that lasts too long. Her voice cracks a little at the end, and it leaves him utterly unconvinced. “I’m not.” She stresses. “Really, I’m just ...” she makes a vague motion with her hand and doesn’t elaborate. “But anyway, you don’t need to worry about it.”

Shouldn’t he? Sakura has become a friend in the last few years, easy companionship and their love for literature and dogs bringing them together. He can’t help worrying about her when she looks like a veteran that never came home from war.

And perhaps he recognises that because once upon a time it was him in her shoes.

“Of course I worry,” he tells her gently. “Sakura-chan, although I’m not the best person for this … you know you can talk to me about anything that bothers you, right?”

She stiffens slightly, and he sees her internal struggle right there on her face. Her fingers tense around her mug and she takes a wavering breath. “It’s not a big deal. I just can’t sleep.”

That isn’t the answer he was expecting. “Can’t sleep?” He parrots, tilting his head questioningly.

“Yes,” she utters, sounding a little hollow. “I can’t sleep.”

“Since when?” he asks, giving her his full attention.

She has an inward look on her face, like a woman slipping back into an old memory. “Since ... a very long time. From before the war.”

Kakashi is astonished at her confession. The war passed four years ago. The worry inside him stirs again. “Have you ... seen someone about this?”

She snorts. “You mean therapy? My best friend is the head of Interrogation. Of course I’ve seen someone. But all they can do is prescribe pills and suggest meditation and ‘talking about my feelings with a trusted friend’.” 

Kakashi sits back with a sigh. Yes, indeed. He remembers his own frustrations with this. 

Sakura continues without prompting, as if all she needed was a nudge from someone for the dam to break loose. “The pills worked at first. For a while. But then they stopped working, and I know better than anyone the risk of addiction so I stopped. Meditation didn’t do shit.”

He tries to remember if he’s ever heard Sakura swear. His memory offers nothing. “What about talking to a trusted friend?” 

“I’m doing that now, aren’t I?”

They stare at each other for a long beat. 

She looks away first. “I’ll be fine. Eventually.”

It sounds like she’s been telling herself that for a long time. It rolls unconvincingly off her tongue like she doesn’t quite believe it herself.

“Sakura, lack of sleep is not a light matter,” he begins, knowing he probably sounds like a hypocrite, and that he’s absolutely the last person who should be advising her on this. “And it doesn’t just randomly become better unless you do something about it.”

She sets her mug down and turns to regard him seriously. “Okay,” she agrees. “What should I do?”

Kakashi blanches a little. “Uh, well ...”

“You’ve been through this too, right? Surely you have. You fought in two wars.”

He doesn’t have it in him to tell her that his whole life has felt like an endless war, and that his nightmares were never limited to the battlefield and therefore never quite disappeared. 

“I have,” he confesses. “I, like many other ninja I believe, struggled to sleep at points in my life.”

Yes, and who could sleep when the moment they closed their eyes they saw their fist ripping through the chest of their teammate?

“What did you do?” Sakura begins, tentatively hopeful.

He hates that it breaks his heart.

“I wish I had a proper answer,” he begins regretfully, and nearly takes back his words at the way her eyes dim. “But Sakura-chan maybe ... maybe talking will help you.”

She sighs, long and weary. And then she stands up. “Thank you for listening,” she offers and he hates the formality of it. “It really does mean a lot. But I have to go.”

He nods, feeling a little hollow in his chest. “Anytime Sakura-chan, don’t be a stranger.”

She nods and then makes her departure.

Kakashi groans as the door shut and he flops down on the couch. Why can’t he ever get one thing right?

Sakura wakes up screaming. She knows because her throat feels raw. 

Shame instantly fills her, wondering if someone heard. The great Haruno Sakura screaming from night terrors—what a joke.

She’s so tired she spends minutes seriously contemplating the bottle of pills in her drawer. 

But as always, rationality wins.

Sometimes she hates herself for that. 

Sakura gets up, weary to her bones, and trudges to her bathroom. She doesn’t look at the clock, the green-lit numbers usually offer their own sort of anxiety when they tell her she’s been asleep less than an hour, and that’s not nearly enough.

Instead, she takes a long shower. 

She stands under the spray until the loud gush of water drowns out everything and leaves her skin red. 

Maybe she could catch a nap this afternoon between her two big surgeries?

Funny how after their last meeting and little heart to heart, Sakura refuses to leave his thoughts. She hasn’t stopped by his office in three long days, and he worries he drove her away with his words.

I’m really the worst person for this , he thinks. 

While he internally despairs, he watches dispassionately as Shikamaru and Shizune bicker in his office. Something about budgets and jounin and Kakashi really can’t be bothered.

He listens with half an ear as he contemplates a plan of action. 

He doesn’t want to pry, and he doesn’t want to make Sakura uncomfortable, but he doesn’t want her to think she has to go through this alone.

His team is his family, and it irks him that he can’t help them when they struggle.

Shikamaru’s loud grumbles before taking his leave pull him back to present.

Shizune is huffing, arms crossed and glaring after the Nara. It's strange because his assistant is usually a calm and rational woman—and come to think of it, even as she worked here she still made some time for the hospital. And she probably knows Sakura better than him.

“Say, Shizune,” he begins, earning the woman’s attention. “Do you know what Sakura’s schedule is like these days?”

The question takes her by surprise and she levels Kakashi with a measuring look. “I know she works seven days a week,” she says pointedly.

Kakashi holds her gaze. “That can’t be healthy.”

“Of course not,” Shizune agrees. “Do you plan to do something about it?”

“Yes,” Kakashi decides, spinning in his seat. It always makes Shizune smile. And surely, as his chair slows to face her again he sees a smile on her lips. “Still trying to decide how to go about it.”

Shizune shrugs. “I’d start with forcing a mandatory lunchtime. One that’s longer than twenty minutes.”

That new piece of information leaves him a little horrified. It must’ve shown on his face because Shizune shakes her head despairingly. “Yes, she does that frequently. Shovels food down her throat and gets back to work right away.”

“We can’t have that,” he says, already plotting a surprise visit. “We can’t have that at all.”

“No, we can’t,” Shizune readily agrees again. “And I feel a lot better knowing you’re on it. Thank you, Kakashi-sama.”

He waves her off distractedly. He doesn’t deserve thanks—he can’t believe he’s only gotten the full scope of this after so long. 

He really is the worst at this.

Sakura doesn’t like sleeping during the daytime. Because usually whatever little rest she can manage is brutally interrupted by a nurse or an emergency, and leaves her feeling more exhausted than refreshed.

She still contemplates it as she sullenly munches on her meal, not really tasting it. She lost another patient yesterday—she wonders if it’s her fault. Her mind feels laggy and slow most days now and could she have saved him otherwise?

It eats up at her until a knock at the door interrupts her.

“Yes?” she calls, confused to feel Kakashi’s chakra on the other side.

He joins her in her office, bag in hand. “Hi, Sakura-chan,” he says cheerfully. “A little birdie told me you take your lunch in your office?”

Sakura studies him, unsure. “Um, yes. How can I help you?”

“I’m glad you asked,” he continues on the same cheerful note and sets a box on her table. “Because I have all those sweets and not enough room for them.”

Sakura sends him an unimpressed look. “Senpai you don’t even eat sweets.”

“Says who?” Kakashi deflects. “Anyway, I know your infamous sweet tooth, so help an old man out.”

“You’re not even old,” she grumbles, but something warm swells inside her and envelopes her whole chest. “... thank you, senpai.”

Kakashi shakes his head with a smile and takes a seat in one of the chairs by her desk. “How’s your day?”

Sakura stares down at her freshly acquired dango as she answers him. “It’s ... been a little rough.”

Kakashi’s head tilts, awaiting her elaboration. Sakura doesn’t know what to tell him. She settles for the blunt reality: “I lost a patient yesterday,” she reveals.

He stills on the other side of her desk. Sakura can’t bear to look at him when she feels so small and vulnerable—she wonders what he sees when he looks at her; an accomplished kunoichi or the little girl who always cries?

Sakura is completely surprised when he reaches across her desk and covers her hand with his, patting it comfortingly. “I’m so sorry, Sakura-chan, I know you did your best. It’s not your fault—people just ... die. And sometimes there’s no better explanation for it.”

A lump forms in her throat. She wonders how he could’ve guessed exactly what she needs to hear. 

She gives a shaky nod as he withdraws his hand. “I know ... thank you.”

He shakes his head again. “Don’t thank me. Eat.”

And so she does.

Kakashi watches her silently, but his eyes look so kind it takes her breath away a little because she’s never seen him like that before. Many find Kakashi an intimidating man—she herself was caught in the shadow of his greatness for a long time. Not that she finds him any less impressive now, but he feels more human than legend day by day. And yet, it’s so rare to see him look … soft. Unguarded. 

“How was your day?” she asks after a moment, chewing and swallowing lethargically. Gods, she feels so sleepy she worries she might doze off mid-bite. What would Kakashi do then?

“To borrow a phrase from Shikamaru, murderously troublesome.” Kakashi ducks to retrieve a steaming carton cup from the bag and sets it in front of her. “Here, nearly forgot to give you your tea.”

Sakura accepts with a shy smile. “You’ve really gone out of your way.”

“Nonsense,” Kakashi disagrees. “If I don’t take care of our favourite medic, who will?”

The compliment, although a widespread sentiment lately, leaves her flustered. “Kakashi-senpai I hope you don’t think you personally have to worry about me.”

Kakashi’s elbows rest loosely on the edge of her desk as he turns his whole body to face her. “Sakura-chan,” he says seriously; it momentarily lifts off the fog of exhaustion. “I’ve spent eight years worrying for Team Seven. And I'll probably spend eighty more years worrying for you guys—not because you aren’t capable of taking care of yourself but because I care about you.”

She watches the gentle steam wafting out of her cup, suddenly unable to look him in the eyes. “I’m just saying I know that you feel like you have to. But I’m telling you now you don’t.”

“Duly noted,” he quips. 

It makes her roll her eyes fondly. “Anyway, why was your day murderously troublesome?”

“We’re holding another Kage summit at the end of the month,” he sighs wearily. “The Tsuchikage is stepping down and introducing us to his successor, so there’s a lot of political bullshit to discuss. And today Shizune and Shikamaru were constantly at each other’s throats.”

Come to think of it, Kakashi does look tired. He rubs at his eyes, like he might be sleepy too, and confirms that for a fact when he opens his mouth and says: “I need a nap.”

“Me too,” she echoes thoughtlessly.

Silence reigns as Sakura goes back to munching on her sweets.

“Okay,” Kakashi pipes, regaining her attention. “Let’s take a nap.”

“What?”

“Let’s take a nap,” he reiterates. “You have a couch, and it’s break time.”

Is he out of his mind? “My breaks ends in—“

“—forty minutes, I know, I asked.”

Her jaw clicks shut, taken aback.

“Come on, we could both use some rest,” he says as he gets up and makes his way to the single green couch in her office. She splurged on that one—wide, generously cushioned and with comfortable pillows.

Kakashi tosses the two pillows to the end of the couch and sprawls unceremoniously across it. His ankles stuck out over the armrest, his head resting on one of the pillows. “Hmm… this is quite nice. Come on.”

Sakura, who’s gaping in reaction, closes and opens her mouth a few times. “I-I don’t think we’ll fit.”

“Nonsense we’ve shared tighter spaces.” Indeed, who would forget that time they had to sleep in the same bedroll, not an inch of space to separate them? That had been an experience, to say the least.

Unable to think of any more protests, Sakura is forced to join him. She perches awkwardly on the cushions, and shifts to lie back next to him.

As expected, a quarter of her body sticks out over the edge.

Kakashi twists, pressing his back to the backrest and coaxes her closer, a hand on her waist and the other tucked under his head. Sakura shifts too, to face him, and finds herself closer than expected.

His eyes crinkle in a smile. “There. Plenty of space for both of us.”

Kakashi’s warmness washes over her, their knees interlocking. It’s somehow more intimate than the sleeping bag. The little space between them quickly soaks up their body heat, leaving Sakura feeling droopy. 

The way his hair falls over his face and his eyes dip sleepily is a little fascinating. “Rest,” he says softly, patting her hip. 

She doesn’t tell him there’s no way she can with them like this. She settles for relaxing into the calmness of the atmosphere and unabashedly watching him.

As if determined to set an example, his eyes drift shut and to her utter surprise, he's out in a few minutes. 

Sakura takes a moment to study him in a way she’s never before. His lashes are long, casting a faint shadow on his cheek, and there’s a soft frown perpetually resting between his brows. He looks younger like this, she’s surprised to note. 

She can see the faint outline of his lips from this close. No fish lips indeed. The thought makes her smile, reminiscent of lighter times.

She closes her eyes and relaxes further into the security of his presence.

When Sakura awakes half an hour later, she doesn’t remember falling asleep. Kakashi is still dozing next to her, soft snores tickling her skin. He’d drifted closer in his slumber, and his forehead now rests lightly against hers.

Sakura stares at him, eyes still blurry. She’s strangely caught by the novelty of this. It wasn’t the first time she slept next to Kakashi, but it certainly is the first time she feels this well-rested from sleeping in someone else’s arms.

The swimmy dizziness that lingered for days now has receded. In its place was a warm and contented feeling. Peace.

“Kakashi?” She pokes him gently, almost regretfully. He looks so serene but he's going to be late if she doesn’t wake him up.

“Hm?” He grunts. 

“Time to get up,” she murmurs, her own voice thick from sleep. She doesn't know why she doesn’t attempt to put some distance between them before she wakes him.

His eyes crack open, and he squints at her. “What time is it?” his voice rasps, sending a strange shiver down her spine.

“Um…” his breath feels feverishly hot on her chin. Sakura looks away from depthless eyes to the clock hanging over her desk. “Quarter to four.”

He groans, and then sits up with some effort. It leaves their legs an awkward tangled mess. 

Sakura cautiously extracts herself. “I didn’t want you to be late.”

A yawn cracks his jaw and he stands up and stretches. “‘S okay. I feel rested enough. That was nice, thank you.”

To her surprise, she feels a blush warming her cheeks. “Me too … and anytime, senpai.”

Kakashi nods with a smile, as casual as ever, and then runs a hand through his messy silver hair. “I’ll see you around then, Sakura-chan,” he says as he takes his leave. 

It sounds like a promise.

"Shizune-san, I'm heading out early today!"

"Sure, just don't forget your four o'clock meeting!"

He comes the next day.

And the day after next.

And the day after that.

By the end of the week, Sakura feels decidedly more human. She’s never slept better than those stolen naps with him in her office. 

Each time, he visits, she eats lunch, and then she curls into the comfort of his solid body beside her and drifts off. At first, she found it a little awkward and shyness made her reluctant. But after a measly week, she’s already incorporated into the routine, wanting and loving the way it left her feeling rested and rejuvenated.

No one ever thinks to interrupt her now for anything—not with the Hokage in her office. It’s a blessing.

“They probably think we’re working,” she chuckles quietly to him, both of them getting slowly lulled to sleep listening to each other’s breathing. “When we’re doing the exact opposite.”

“I make no apologies,” he hums contentedly. 

Comfortable silence engulfs them. His arm, strong and sure, is curved over her waist. It leaves little space between them and there’s something heady and intoxicating in his solid masculinity against her body, and in his spicy clean scent dominating her personal space. 

“Can we keep doing this?” She wonders quietly, sleep lowering her inhibitions and leaving only honesty and vulnerability behind. It feels okay to admit, because she feels safe here, with him.

Kakashi’s hand rubs gently across her back. “Yes. As much as you want.”

That sounded like a promise, too.

They sleep in his office sometimes. Not as frequently as they do in hers, but whenever Sakura sets up ‘meetings’ with him; they spend exactly ten minutes talking during those events, and the rest of the hour sleeping blissfully against each other.

"We have to work at some point, you know?" she mumbles on one drowsy afternoon that finds them on his couch, soaking in the sunlight streaming through the large windows of his office. "The hospital wing won't build itself."

"That would be too convenient," he chuckles agreeably. She smells nice this close; like flowers and home. It seems she still uses the same shampoo Pakkun insists on every time. It makes Kakashi smile every time. "We can meet up after work if you'd like? Just for a couple of hours to whip something out."

He can tell she likes the suggestion because she curls a little into him. Her pink hair tickles his face in a way he thinks should be annoying, but he finds it strangely endearing.

"I'd like that," she says seconds later, sounding moments away from sleep.

Kakashi's face bows to nuzzle her hair, blocking out the sunlight. It sends him into dreamland after her.

He shows up at her doorstep freshly showered, with a bag in hand.

"You're early," she says in surprise.

"I'm ten minutes late?" he counters, giving her a strange look.

"That is early," Sakura laughs. "For you at least."

"May I come in?"

Still laughing, Sakura steps back to let him into the comfort of her home. He kicks his shoes off and slips into a pair of slippers, handing Sakura the bag. "I made us dinner."

"You made it?" she peers into it, finding two bentos stacked inside. It smells heavenly.

"Yes, I figured we can eat something homemade for once," he follows Sakura to her living room to where she already set up her notes and calculations on the low table. "We can eat it while it's still warm if you want?"

"Yeah let's do that," she says. "I'll get some ice tea."

When she returns Kakashi has both bentos placed on the table and her papers neatly put aside. He accepts the ice-tea can when she passes it to him, and together they get settled to eat.

“Oh,” she blinks as the strong flavour of garnished fish coats her taste buds. “This is really good. I had no idea you cooked!”

“Just enough to get by,” he says awkwardly; his food was already disappearing, as always, without a trace.

“Don’t understate it,” Sakura chides, taking another mouthful. “You’d make the perfect housewife Kakashi.”

“Now, now, I’ll blush, Sakura-chan.” God forbid , she thinks with a chuckle.

When they settle to review her proposal later that night, Sakura is a pleasant mixture of sated and at ease. Kakashi next to her seems completely relaxed, twirling a pen between deft fingers as Sakura walks him through the merits of her proposal.

“The elders might approve this if you come up with a five-year plan?” Kakashi sounds unsure himself. “I really like this Sakura, you’ve clearly put a lot of thought into it but we’re going to have to fight hard for it.”

Sakura clenches her fists in determination. “Well, bring it on!”

He smiles like he's pleased with her reaction and passes her the paper. “Section thirteen needs adjustments. You need to clarify exactly where the budget is going, how you’ll be allocating the funds.”

“Huh,” she mumbles, noting indeed that she’s missing some key things. “I’ll work on that. Anything else?”

“You might want to get some clan heads to back you up.”

The suggestion isn’t a bad one, but beyond asking Ino, Sakura has no idea where to go. “I could probably get the Yamanaka on it, and the Naras and Akimichis by proxy.”

“Should be enough,” Kakashi smiles kindly. "You've got this," he encourages.

It makes warmth bloom in her chest. Kakashi probably has no idea how much he's done for her lately; how much he'd endeared himself to her, how much he fills her with assurance and reminds her of what it's like to feel functional and alive.

Sakura can't help but crave more of it. It's the only excuse she can give herself later that night when they somehow manage to find themselves lounging on her couch. That it’s only natural to want this.

Sakura thinks, only a few short months later, that she’s ready to give up the world for this; this undeniable security, this comfort, the nightmare-free sleep—she wonders if Kakashi knows that he's chased them away, that he left her light in the wake of their absence.

"What are you thinking?" he mutters softly. He sounds half-asleep, dozing lightly even when they made no verbal agreement that they would be spending the night here, like this. "You sound like you're thinking really hard ... you should sleep."

She briefly contemplates whether he knows how tender he sounds when sleep laces his voice and lowers his restraints. This Kakashi is even softer than the one that holds her in the daylight. Could it be because he's in her home, in her space?

Sakura peers into sleep-addled eyes the colour of charcoal. She's struck by how beautiful he looks like this; vulnerable and exposed in the intimacy that comes with their predicament.

"I'm thinking that ... this arrangement works really, really well," she whispers with a hint of uncertainty. After all, she can't speak for him.

He smiles and she can see it under the mask, the way it lifts his cheeks. That too leaves her feeling warm.

"Indeed it does," he rasps. It makes her smile back to discover that he feels the same way. She'd suspected it of course, but it's different having it voiced. A part of her relaxes at that. He wants to be here; he wants to do this. "but put that busy mind to rest. You need your sleep, Sakura."

"You'll stay?" There's no way he could've missed the hopeful note in her voice.

"Hm, sure." And he's out like a light

She watches him slumber in her arms and wonders how she could've gotten so lucky.

Sakura begins to smell more like him. He doesn't notice it at first, until one fateful day when he runs into her at the vegetable market and finds the scent of his aftershave and detergent clinging to her; like she belongs to him.

It gives him a pause.

He watches her purchase eggplants, the sunset painting her hair coral and her skin golden, and wonders distractedly who else could identify his essence on her.

Sakura looks peaceful; well-rested. There’s no hunch in her shoulders. Dark-bags no longer dominate the skin under her eyes, and her complexion glows healthily. She looks beautiful.

They've made plans to have dinner tonight, just dinner. No work, no talks of budgets, no complaints about the council. Just a peaceful evening dinner and a bottle of sake. He was the one to suggest it. They both sorely need a break and Sakura readily agreed to it.

She notices him a moment later, ever attuned to his presence. Her face splits in a smile as she raises her hand to wave. It's positively endearing that her reaction to him is to smile like the sun.

It makes Kakashi warm in ways he's never experienced.

Could it be that after thirty-four years of suppressed emotions, he's finally experiencing love?

He puts the scary thought away to dissect at a later time and raises his hand to return her greeting. He refuses to be intimidated by this; he refuses to sabotage whatever it is.

For once, Kakashi goes with what his gut wants. He smiles genuinely at Sakura, and holds her groceries for her, and then together they walk home to have the dinner Kakashi will prepare for them.

He's everywhere, Sakura has an epiphany one morning. Somehow Kakashi has wormed himself into her life and her space and left it littered with pieces of himself. 

There’s a green toothbrush next to her pink one in the cupholder. One of his spare Hokage robes sits in her closet. Her fridge is perpetually stocked with eggplants and her office holds his favourite pens. 

And now his office smells of lavender much like hers does. 

“Hey,” she greets, a folder clutched precariously to her chest. 

Kakashi looks up from the documents he's previewing with a smile. “Hey, you made it.”

“Yep, and I’ve got the finalised proposal.” Sakura places the file on his table, suddenly overcome with nervousness. “You think this will work?”

“We spent three weeks working on it. Trust me it’ll be fine. You did everything you could do and more.” His eyes pore into her own, sincere and honest.

Sakura has to look away as a strange warmth sweeps through her. It’s at once confusing and inviting, the way he looks at her. Her heart flutters with uncertainty as it longs for something Sakura doesn’t recognise yet deeply understands. 

Kakashi accepts the folder when she passes it to him and tucks it away in his drawer. “I mean it,” he tells her again.

“Okay.” Nodding doesn’t feel enough. Saying ‘thank you’ doesn’t feel enough. She doesn’t know what to do with the jumble of gratitude and warmth she feels for him. “Will I see you at lunch?”

“Count on it.” 

Sakura leaves feeling flustered. It’s now a custom for them to have lunch together so it was wholly unnecessary for her to track him down to give him her proposal before then. But she had wanted to see him. 

It was inexplicable and yet she ended up there in his office, bound with emotions that seemed to spread over their every interaction. Does he feel this strange pull too? Does he sense the underlying ripples, the wavers in the essence of their relationship? 

It’s not twenty minutes later that finds him in her office with the premade lunch he prepared for them last night at her home. 

How silly that she couldn’t wait those twenty minutes to see him. 

“Yo,” he says cheerfully. “I have food and coffee.”

Sakura’s smile feels wobbly on her face when the tug grows exponentially again. Following it leads her to him, and before she knows what she’s doing, she’s already wrapped her arms around his middle and buried her face in his solid chest. “Thank you.”

Kakashi falters for a moment, clearly caught off guard. “M-mah, it’s nothing. It’s my pleasure, Sakura-chan.”

“No, for everything,” she mumbles, unsure if the acute heat on her face is her blush or him against her. “For everything you’ve done for me.”

Kakashi grows silent. 

Sakura knows she should pull away but she can’t bear it yet. Her heart is a quivering mess and she feels overly filled with emotions. 

The tentative brush of his fingertips over her scalp makes her shiver. His palm curves over the back of her head, and he presses her against him for a moment.

Then his head bows and she feels his words murmured against her hair. “Don’t thank me. Sakura … you may not know it, but you’ve done a lot for me, too.”

Oh. 

Something inside her swoops down—or maybe soars up?—and she cranes her neck to look at him.  

She’s not prepared for how close he is. He leans away an inch, as if startled by her sudden movement, but it still leaves too little distance between them and their noses brush.

Sakura’s face burns and she’s caught off-guard by how her eyes are drawn to the lower half of his face. She looks away quickly. “Really?”

There’s a blush peeking above his mask that nearly melts her. “Yes, really.” His eyes crease in a hidden smile. “So you don’t have to thank me.”

She draws back, burning nearly, with things she doesn’t understand. “Okay. Um. Well, sorry for jumping you like that. Let’s eat.”

Kakashi only chuckles, but she has a feeling there’s more he wanted to say. 

He couldn’t have imagined that. Her eyes had lingered on his mouth that day. He’s replied that moment a hundred times in his head and he's almost sure.

It leaves him part anxious, part giddy. 

What was she thinking? Does she feel inexplicably drawn to him the way he is drawn to her? As exhilarating as the thought is, it leaves his hands clammy with uncertainty. This isn't the place to misstep. It would never be. 

Sakura is too precious to him, too important. He can’t even bear the thought of her not being in his life anymore. What if his errant feelings damn him and their friendship?

Kakashi swallows thickly and shakes his head free of such thoughts. There’s only one thing he could truly do … it’s time to find out if Sakura harbours any kinds of feelings towards him beyond the strictly platonic. Perhaps if he can figure that out, it would help him sort out his own cluttered feelings. 

His newfound resolve leads him to her doorstep. 

When she opens the door, the kind of smile she gives him is that kind that makes parts of his soul ache with longing. Sakura always regards him with so much softness. It’s not fair , he thinks. 

“Hey,” she greets warmly, “I wasn’t expecting you today.”

It’s her day off, of course she wouldn’t expect him. Kakashi feels so swamped with conflicted feelings. “I know I just … wanted to see you.”

The most endearing blush rises in her cheeks and she leans her head against the edge of her door. She glows softly in the wake of his revelation. “I’m always happy to see you.”

He feels unsteady. He has noticed this interesting effect she has on him only lately and still finds himself scrambling to gain his bearings in her presence. 

“I’m doing some cleaning around, so if you can avert your eyes off the mess, you may come in for a cup of tea.” Her voice is filled with quiet mirth and shyness. Kakashi can only nod, glad the first step of his plan is done. 

He … hadn’t really planned much beyond that point. He curses himself softly as she leads him to her kitchen. True to her words, the sink is piled with dishes and there are grocery bags littering her counter. 

“Avert you eyes,” she pouts at him, stepping into his line of sight to shield her sink. 

Kakashi can’t help it, he begins chuckling. “Can I help you?”

“You want to help me clean my dishes?” she sounds sceptical. 

“Yep,” Kakashi responds simply. 

Sakura steps away from him, crossing her arms and squinting at him curiously. “Out of your own free will?”

“I would sure hope so,” the chuckles were little giggles now. She’s so charming , he thinks, enraptured. 

He gets up before she can walk them into a blunder and heads for her sink. In a matter of seconds, he has the tap open and the sponge soaped. “I’ve helped you draft proposals, this is nothing.”

She flushes an appealing shade of pink and quietly sidles to his side to grab for the dishtowel. 

The endless questions he has prod at his mind yet again as he hands her a dish to dry. 

“I’ve thanked you for that,” she says.

“Hm?”

“I’ve thanked you for that. You didn’t have to do it and I really appreciate your help. I really do owe you.”

He couldn’t quite decipher her tone. But he feels like he had somehow misstepped already. “Sakura-chan, what are you talking about?”

She lays the dishtowel on the counter and takes a shaky breath, not meeting his eyes. “I don’t know … I feel like I’m burdening you. You know you don’t have to always be here for me to help me. Or comfort me.”

Kakashi shuts the tap, caught off guard again. How do such lame insecurities ever find her? What’s he doing wrong?

“Sakura,” he said, as softly as he could, but he could hear the frustrated note in his own voice. “You’re not a burden. You never were a burden, and you will never be a burden.”

He turns to glance at her, but she’s now staring at her hands, which grip the dishtowel in a bruising hold. “Look at me.”

Hesitantly, she chances a look at him from under long, pink lashes. He catches her emerald gaze and holds it. “I love spending time with you,” he starts simply and relishes in her faint blush. “You make a delightful company. I’m not burdened by this nor do I view it as an obligation. I find you because I want to find you because I like spending time with you. Okay?”

The pink in her cheeks warms until it almost matches her hair. But she’s smiling, shy and sweet and can’t seem to hold his gaze anymore as she mutters. “Okay … thank you.”

Kakashi turns the tap back on, satisfied with her answer. His quivering heart is another matter … disclosing his emotions has never been easy. This could prove to be problematic if he were to continue his investigation and prod her. 

“It’s the same for you,” she says, receiving another dish. She dries it meticulously as she speaks. “I …” she clears her throat softly, “love spending time with you. A lot. Ino’s jealous of you.”

The revelation nearly undoes him. He passes her another plate. “Oh?” he tries to keep his face blank and give no inflexion in his voice beyond the curious lilt. 

“Yeah,” Sakura chuckles feebly. “She thinks you’re my new best friend.”

Best friend. He bounces that word around in his head for a few moments, trying to decide how he feels about it and what it implies in this context. “Am I?”

Her head jerks and she stares up at him, clearly taken by surprise. 

He stares back at her, hot water cascading down his wrists. 

It feels like gravity. He's tethered to his spot as he waits for her answer, wondering if it’ll knock him off his feet. “Um,” Sakura says breathlessly, eyes roaming his face. “Well.”

She takes another moment to study his face and swallows thickly. “I’m not sure if … ‘best friend’ is the right word,” she fidgets with the dishtowel, he can see it out of the corner of his eyes but can’t seem to take his eyes off her expressive ones. “I’m not really sure what … what to call you.”

Heart racing in his chest, Kakashi finds himself shutting the tap for a second time. The absence of the gushing water leaves behind a ringing silence. 

“Why?” his voice comes out raspier than he intended, and his heart keeps catching on an odd beat. 

“Well, um,” she casts for words, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, and twists her hands together. She looks down at them, as if just now remember the dishtowel, and finds it mangled beyond repair. “There’s … something … going on here, isn’t there? Between us, I mean. Right?”

Ah. There is gravity. It makes its presence striking as his knees nearly give. 

Sakura peaks up at him. She looks worried. “Or did I completely misinterpret that? Gods, I totally misinterpreted that, didn’t I? This is so embarrassing, I’m so sorry, I’m—”

“Stop.” Kakashi catches her wrist in his hand. Sakura stills, words dying on her lips. 

He's completely out of his depths. He feels so ready to unravel hers. “Stop,” he repeats, brushing the pad of his thumb over the erratic beat in her wrist.

When he finds no more words, when he loses all the thoughts he was trying to form looking at her wide green eyes, he tugs her closer. Sakura stumbles forward, and into his chest in a parody of their encounter last week. 

Her breath catches as he holds her there, not in an embrace, just against him. 

He was always better at planning than improvising. But it didn’t mean he couldn’t improvise if need be. 

“I don’t think you’re misinterpreting anything,” he says carefully. “I also feel this weird … tug.” 

Sakura shudders in his hold. Her free hand comes up to clutch at his shirt and she buries her face deeper in his chest. “Really?” she mumbles, voice muffled. 

“Yeah, really,” he smiles, as elation settles in that neither of them is freaking out and she hasn’t kicked him out of her house for even daring to want her. 

Sakura looks up at him, chin resting on his chest. Her cheeks are incandescent. Her eyes lower demurely as she speaks to his collarbones. “You just make me feel … strange.”

“That’s one way to put it,” he chuckles, allowing himself to softly brush the hair at the crown of her head. “... a good strange though, I hope.”

“Mhm,” Sakura says, pressing her face into his chest again. It makes his stomach knot with anticipation. “It’s a good strange.”

He presses his open palm between her shoulderblades and holds her for a moment. Then he draws back with a regretful smile. “Those dishes won’t wash themselves, I’m afraid.”

Sakura’s blush has deepened if possible, but she nods and turns back to the sink. “Yeah, okay, you’re right, let’s do this.”

She looks at her ruined dishcloth. “Uh … on second thought I’ll get another one of these first.”

Kakashi can’t help but laugh. 

Sakura can’t help but join him. 

Together, in her sun-soaked kitchen, they share a moment of lightness and warmth, basking in newfound, reciprocated feelings. 

It feels like the start of something good.

“So what’s up with you and Kakashi?” Ino says nonchalantly. She’s in the middle of arranging an extravagant bouquet while Sakura cuts and arranges ribbons for her the way Ino taught her in her youth. 

The unexpected question makes Sakura stiffen, said lightly enough to give no inflexion yet it packs all kinds of meaning. “W-what do you mean?”

“You know, your new best friend,” Ino says, poorly masking how sore she feels in regards to that. “What’s up with that?”

“Ino,” Sakura says delicately, catching Ino’s gaze. She reaches across the counter to grip her hand. “ You are my best friend. My only best friend. And I’m so damn lucky for it.” 

Faint colour suffuses Ino’s cheeks as she fails to conceal her pleasure. “Damn right, Forehead Girl. But what’s really up with Kakashi?”

How could she begin to untangle what is really up with Kakashi? So many things have changed. The way he makes her feel—how his laugh makes her chest tight, how his voice sinks all the way down to settle pleasantly in her stomach, how even his innocent touches burn her skin—so many things are different now. 

“It’s nothing really,” she lies, and when Ino shoots her an incredulous look, stumbles for explanations. 

She settles for a half-truth. “We’re just sleeping together.”

Not even a nanosecond later, she realises just how wrong that sounds and her mouth clamps shut.

“WHAT?!” Ino’s jaw drops.

Oh gods, oh no … what has she done? 

“N-no, no, no! Not like that! I-I meant we’re literally sleeping together. Sleeping, Ino, stop looking at me like that!” Sakura whines, burying her face in her hands. “That was a very poor choice of words on my part, I’m so sorry.” 

When she peeks through her fingers at Ino, the blond is still picking her jaw off the floor. “‘Sleeping together?’ What do you mean?”

“Like naps and stuff,” Sakura says, feeling utterly mortified. “We um, have the same break time. So we uh, nap in my office.”

Ino looks exasperated. “Trust you to associate ‘sleeping’ with someone with naps, Forehead. This is so sad. You know what? You should totally sleep with Kakashi-senpai, it’s time you found yourself a real man. You know what they say about older men, they’re such generous lovers.”

“Ino-Pig!!” Sakura splutters, face swamping with colour. “Don’t say things like that!”

Ino waves her hand dismissively. “I’m just trying to help you, Forehead Girl. As your best friend, I get to be concerned about your utter lack of sex life.”

“Ino please,” Sakura pleads, feeling like her face is going to melt. “Stop.”

Ino sighs long-sufferingly. “Seriously, do you plan to die a virgin?”

It is, of course, precisely at that moment that Kiba Inuzuka walks into the flower shop to catch the tail-end of their conversation. His jaw drops, similarly to Ino’s from a moment ago. “You’re a virgin?” he says, forgoing all greetings.

“Kiba!” Ino hisses at him, suddenly indignant on Sakura’s behalf. “Have you got NO TACT?!”

Sakura buries her face in her hands once more. Could this get any worse?

“Shut up, Ino! There’s no way —” Kiba begins to say but Ino lunges for him. Knowing better than to ever get between these two and their couple quarrels, Sakura silently slips out of the flower shop. 

The news spreads like wildfire. Sakura knows this because Kiba is as big a gossip as Ino and because when she sees Kakashi the next day, he looks like he has words on the tip of his tongue. 

Their awkward talk at the kitchen happened a couple of weeks ago and they still don’t have a name for what they’re doing; all they had is vague implications of having feelings for each other. 

Kakashi of course, has more tact than Kiba, so all he says is: “Is it true?”

They were in the middle of falling asleep on her couch, her head resting on his chest. Sakura was in the middle of counting his heartbeats, slowly being lulled to sleep when he spoke up. 

She knows what he means. Yet, she feigns ignorance. “What is true?”

“There has been … an interesting rumour going around,” he says after a short, contemplative pause. “Of a rather very private nature.”

Sakura’s face flames but she refuses to show her embarrassment. “I see.”

“So it’s true?” Kakashi’s finger twirls a strand of her hair. The motion is soothing and nearly sends her to sleep. 

“Mhm …” she hesitates. “Is it weird?” 

“No,” he decides, sinking all five fingers in her hair. “It’s different for everyone.”

Sakura bites her lip as her curiosity flares to life with his words, sleep momentarily receding. “What about you?”

His voice is filled with mirth. “Am I a virgin? I suppose I could be since it’s been a very long time since … well.” he chuckles lightly, unbothered.

Sakura draws circles with her index on his chest, suddenly shy. But she’s so intrigued, she can’t mask it. “Was it with someone special?”

Kakashi’s fingers drum lightly against her head. It takes him a moment to answer. “In some ways, yes. But I was too young.”

Her heart flutters. “How young?”

A momentary silence elapses. Kakashi takes a deep breath as if resurfacing from some dark recess in his mind. “I was thirteen.”

Sakura gasps, twisting in his hold. He gazes at her wide eyes, hand still in her hair. “It was with my genin teammate. We’d just lost Obito and … well. Funny how emotions work.”

He sounds so wistful. Sakura feels a little dizzy. “That’s so young,” she whispers, tracing his masked jawline. “Have you not been with anyone since then?”

“I’ve been with a few people, but nothing special,” he admits as he tenderly strokes her hair.  “Is that what you’re waiting for? Something special?”

Sakura can’t help her blush, not when he's looking at her like that, eyes so full of gentleness and understanding. “I guess.”

“Then never settle.” His eyes crease in a warm smile. It sends her heartrate into a frenzy.

She bows her head, letting her hair shield her expression. “I won’t,” she promises, watching the rise and fall of his chest. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” A chuckle rumbles in his throat and he gently coaxes her down into his arms again. “Now sleep, you have a long day tomorrow.”

The council approves Sakura’s proposal. 

He watches her from across the room as she struggles not to beam widely in reaction to the news. Instead, she smiles and bows deeply as she thanks everyone for their time.

She leaves when they dismiss her and Kakashi can’t wait for his break time to find her. 

“Haruno has grown into a fine kunoichi,” Koharu nods sagely, seeming quite pleased. Out of the five councilmen, she’s the most agreeable.

Kakashi rises, restless with excitement. “Thank you for your audience. I shall resume my duties now.”

“Hokage-sama,” they all nod as he departs. 

He makes it to his office in record time, wondering if he could finish his work faster and take his break earlier. He's already finished his meetings for the day and all he's left with is a pile of paperwork. If he powered through it, he could be done by three. 

“Yosh,” he cracks his knuckles as he takes his seat, tossing his hat aside. “Let’s get some work done.”

He doesn’t see Sakura until the evening. 

It seems an emergency sent her to the ER where she remained for five hours. Lunchtime passes and Kakashi tries not to be disappointed. He’d wanted to see her, to hug her, to have an excuse to kiss her. He wants her to know how proud he is of her.

He doesn’t let that little hiccup ruin it for them though. Instead, he resolves to meet her later at her house. 

But Sakura beats him to it, showing up at his office at the end of the day, still in her scrubs, looking weary but victorious. 

She’s beautiful when she smiles tiredly. She shuts the door behind her, leaning against it. “We did it,” she says. 

“No, you did it,” he smiles back at her as he gets up from his chair and rounds the desk. “It was all you.”

She goes to him, and he takes her in his arms, savouring her intoxicating warmth and soft curves. “Without your help, it would’ve taken many more months,” she sighs contentedly. 

“This calls for a celebration,” he tells her, rubbing her back soothingly. “If you’re up for it.”

“I am a little exhausted,” she admits and looks up at him with a tired smile. “Maybe something small for tonight.”

“Whatever you want,” he tells her. 

Her eyes sparkle with excitement. “Anything?”

“Anything,” Kakashi agrees, smiling at her anticipatory expression. “Why, do you have something in mind?”

“Well,” Sakura sways lightly in his arms as she looks up at the ceiling. “What I want … What I really, really want … is to see your face.”

She gives him a cheeky smile. Kakashi can’t help it, he bursts into chuckles. “Of course that’s what you ask for.”

She pouts, although it looks like she’s trying hard to suppress a smile. “Are you going to go back on your promise? You said anything.”

Kakashi shakes his head, still chuckling. She looks so utterly endearing, it makes his chest hurt. He takes her sweet, blushing face in his hands and leans to peck the tip of her nose. “No, a promise is a promise.”

Her eyes widen like she hasn’t considered he might accept her request. “Wait—really?”

“Yes, really,” he takes her hands in his and guides them to his face. “Go ahead.”

Her breath catches, and her eyes drop to the bridge of his nose as she cautiously hooks her fingers at the edge of his mask. Kakashi holds her trim waist as he watches her unveil his face. 

Slowly, Sakura rolls the mask down his nose, her eyes drinking him in, over the edge of his upper lip, and lower on his chin, until the mask pooled around his neck. The sudden cool air of the office feels pleasant against his skin, and the way she looks at him then is shattering. 

It leaves him unearthed. Her lips part and her breathing wavers as her eye widen. “Wow.”

He gives her a crooked smile. “Good wow or bad wow?”

Sakura brackets his face between her hands as her eyes roam every surface inch like he's a rare treasure only found once in a lifetime. Her eyes snap up to meet his and she looks dazzled. “Don’t joke. You’re … you’re gorgeous, truly. This is completely ridiculous.”

He feels his cheeks warm. “No fair making me blush without my mask on.”

“That mask is a crime,” she chuckles lightly, taking in his face again. “It deserves to burn.”

His heart bangs harder against his ribcage. “You think so?”

“I know so,” she says firmly, and then carries on, softer: “Just look at you … made my night just looking at you.”

He changes his mind then; gravity is not real, for at that moment it doesn’t hold him down. He feels afloat in the sea of her eyes as they lock with his and she leans closer, slowly, testingly. 

“Can I …” When he makes no move to back away, she leans closer, lips hovering over his own, “Do this…?” she presses her mouth softly against his, plush and warm. 

Kakashi leans into her, into the heady sensation of her loving mouth, into the delectable edges of her body. His lips part for hers, move with hers, until he feels too dizzy to go on. 

He leans back, feeling both heavy and light, and drunk on the smell and taste of her. “Yes,” he husks, already sinking back towards her. “Can I ... do it, too?”

His hand sinks in the hair at the nape of her neck and tips her head back for him. Their lips meet again, achingly soft. He caresses her lips with his tongue and savours every hitching breath he extracts from her with his kiss. 

Again, he draws back when his mind begins to swim and licks his lips where her taste lingers. Her eyes crack open to regard him through foggy emerald. “Yes,” she echoes in a whisper, stroking his cheek with her thumb as she takes a shuddering breath. “Again, please.”

Their lips touch again and he would have been content to kiss her senseless if the door didn’t knock. He draws away from her, reaching for his mask. 

Sakura immediately steps away from him. 

“Come in,” he calls, feeling ruffled.

Shikamaru pokes his head in, “Hokage-sama, I’m leaving now.”

“Alright, thanks for today Shikamaru-kun,” Kakashi says as composedly as he could manage when Sakura’s taste still coated his tongue like a drug. “See you tomorrow.”

Shikamaru departs leaving them alone again. He clears his throat softly, longing but suddenly shy. “Shall we go home?”

“Yes, please,” she says, and he's surprised by just how much he wants to kiss her again. Again and again and again. 

He would ponder later when he started referring to her house as home. 

He has a sneaking suspicion that it’s her he found a home in, not the house.