Work Text:
9:28 am
Kim Dokja awakens to a burning sensation right below his ribs and a pounding headache. This is not new. What is new is the rash he finds snaking up his side, which makes him think this is maybe a little more serious than he anticipated. Kim Dokja likes to think that everything can be healed with death but since his friends have vehemently told him not to do that, ever, “I’ll kill you, Kim Dokja”, he instead chooses to rest.
The sacrifices he makes for his friends.
12:26 pm
Birds are squawking annoyingly outside his window. Rolling over to his (rash-free) side, Kim Dokja grabs his phone from the bedside table, squinting at it for the time. Too early. Sleep reclaims him.
12:51 pm
He sits up abruptly. He has forgotten that at twelve-thirty, he was supposed to meet the rest of his company at some pizzeria that Lee Jihye has been raving about for the past few weeks. Secretly, he is relieved he has an excuse not to go because anything that Lee Jihye’s taste buds approve of probably is not fit for human consumption.
1:03 pm
Kim Dokja starts typing in the group chat with shaky fingers to inform his friends that he will not be able to attend the outing and that he hopes they will have a good time. He adds that if they have time, it would be helpful if they could get some groceries and drop it off at his apartment door. With that job done, he leans back into his pillows and closes his eyes.
1:04 pm
At the pizzeria, Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung are just about to start their third round of bickering when everyone’s phones buzz at the same time. They have all received a text from Kim Dokja consisting of keysmashing and a cabbage emoji. Lee Hyunsung starts panicking since Kim Dokja only texts when he has been directly mentioned or is in mortal peril. Seeing that the former is not the case, Lee Hyunsung books it out of the pizzeria. Jung Heewon follows him after pausing to take a whole pizza (House Special: You’ve Never Tasted Pizza Like This Before! ) with her.
1:05 pm
Like a responsible adult, Han Sooyoung waves over a waiter for the check because everyone is clearly ready to invade Kim Dokja’s apartment and they have a policy of having only one dine-and-dash per month. She goes to the bathroom while waiting because quite frankly, the one in Kim Dokja’s gives her claustrophobia.
1:08 pm
Han Sooyoung returns to an empty table. The waiter passes her the check. Vindictively, Han Sooyoung passes over Kim Dokja’s credit card she stole yesterday. Knowing that this will barely make a dent on Kim Dokja’s disgustingly large amount of money, she simmers in annoyance.
Han Sooyoung hopes that Kim Dokja really is dead.
1:09 pm
Jung Heewon has been waving her arms wildly for the past five minutes. When a taxi finally pulls up, Lee Hyunsung almost rips open the door in his hurry to get inside. Jung Heewon follows afterwards at a more sedate pace because a pizza’s (House Special: You’ve Never Tasted Pizza Like This Before! ) life is at stake. She has learned early on not to rely on Kim Dokja’s food supply—mostly because it is non-existent—so this is her only hope for lunch.
1:11 pm
As Lee Hyunsung rattles off the address to Kim Dokja’s apartment, Jung Heewon looks up at the sound of fervent knocking on the windows. Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung are pressed up against the glass. Behind their disturbingly close faces, she can make out Yoo Sangah and Lee Jihye jogging to catch up.
1:13 pm
Lee Gilyoung pleads for her to let him in with wide eyes. Jung Heewon supposes that he is trying to go for a puppy-dog look, but in all honesty, he looks more like the poster-child of a horror movie. Next to him, Shin Yoosung similarly pleads for entry. Jung Heewon holds the door shut out of self-preservation.
1:14 pm
Jung Heewon breathes a sigh of relief when the taxi starts up and drives away to their destination. She may have to sleep with one eye open starting tonight, she thinks darkly.
1:15 pm
Han Sooyoung walks out of the pizzeria to see Yoo Sangah trying to convince the kids that summoning monsters for transport is a bad idea, especially in the middle of Seoul. Judging from the stubborn set of Lee Gilyoung’s jaw and the crossed arms of Shin Yoosung, Han Sooyoung predicts that the conversation will not turn out in Yoo Sangah’s favor.
1:17 pm
For once, Han Sooyoung does not enjoy being right.
1:20 pm
Lee Jihye looks like she is about to throw up over the side of the chimera dragon they are riding. Yoo Sangah pats her back consolingly but Han Sooyoung can see that the woman is enjoying the adrenaline rush of flying at two-hundred kilometer per hour.
Crazy.
1:23 pm
Kim Dokja turns over in his sleep, blissfully unaware of the impending disaster about to grace his home.
1:30 pm
Kim Dokja jolts awake when he hears an aggressive rattling noise. It sounds like someone is trying to force the door open.
He considers the possibilities of who it might be. If it is a thief trying to break in, well. His wallet is (debatably) safe with Han Sooyoung, so Kim Dokja pulls the covers back over his head. Maybe the thief will be nice enough to steal the probably-haunted Furby Shin Yoosung had given him.
1:31 pm
Kim Dokja’s covers are flung back. He looks up to see Yoo Jonghyuk scowling at him, his blankets in one hand and a bag of groceries in the other.
He wishes it was a thief instead.
1:35 pm
When the taxi slows to a halt, Lee Hyunsung leaps out while Jung Heewon pays the taxi driver. If it was anyone else Jung Heewon might have been annoyed but there is little point of acting pissy since Lee Hyunsung’s sad face makes her feel like she is kicking a puppy. Even Breaking the Sword Master backed down from throwing a fit when Lee Hyunsung accidentally stepped on its tail.
1:36 pm
Jung Heewon leisurely makes her way up the stairs to Kim Dokja’s apartment, eating a pizza (House Special: You’ve Never Tasted Pizza Like This Before! ) slice while doing so. She discovers that she indeed has never tasted pizza like this before, if only because she has never tasted pizza with strawberry sauce instead of tomato. She also discovers that she does not like it and thus resolves to give it to Lee Jihye, their resident food vacuum.
1:37 pm
The first thing Jung Heewon notices upon arrival is that the door is missing. The second thing she notices is that the door is in various pieces in the entryway. The third thing she notices is Kim Dokja shuffling into the living room who looks at her, the place where the door is supposed to be, the place(s) where the door actually is, and then back at her.
Kim Dokja asks why the door is broken. Yoo Jonghyuk appears from behind him and says that it was locked.
Kim Dokja reminds him that he gave everyone a key. Yoo Jonghyuk deflects by going into the kitchen without a word.
1:39 pm
Lee Hyunsung shows up out of nowhere and takes the opportunity to subtly ask Kim Dokja if he is about to pull off another suicidal plan. The way that Kim Dokja is staring at the door makes Jung Heewon think that the answer is yes.
1:47 pm
Han Sooyoung, Yoo Sangah, and the kids enter, all in various states of disarray. Jung Heewon asks what took them so long. Yoo Sangah says that they took a rest stop. Lee Gilyoung corrects her and says that Lee Jihye had to throw up. Lee Jihye shoots him a poisonous glare that is only lifted when Jung Heewon hands her the strawberry-sauced pizza.
Han Sooyoung expresses her disbelief by questioning how Lee Jihye is willing to eat right after vomiting. Lee Jihye is too preoccupied to answer so Han Sooyoung just shakes her head with a scrunched nose.
2:00 pm
Han Sooyoung belatedly realizes that they still do not know why they are all here. Clearly (unfortunately), Kim Dokja is not actually dead.
2:02 pm
Han Sooyoung wanders over to the couch and kicks Kim Dokja awake from his drowsy state. She is not sure how he managed to doze off considering Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung are chattering away right next to him.
2:03 pm
Upon questioning, Kim Dokja gestures at himself and croaks out that he is not feeling well. Shin Yoosung looks horrified. Lee Gilyoung looks like he is ready to kill the sick out of Kim Dokja.
2:05 pm
After looking over Kim Dokja to see all of his symptoms—rash, fever, bitching (though the last one is probably less of a “sick” thing and more of a “Kim Dokja” thing)—Han Sooyoung consults her resources. Google says skin cancer. Yoo Sangah says shingles. Han Sooyung is inclined to believe Yoo Sangah because Kim Dokja applies sunscreen religiously—possibly from the lingering trauma of being titled “The Ugly King”—and also because Kim Dokja habitually kills his immune system by overstressing.
Yoo Sangah says Han Sooyoung is overexaggerating about Kim Dokja’s obsessive skincare. She does not say anything about Kim Dokja’s tendency to stress over everything under the sun.
Kim Dokja mumbles protests about not being that bad, to which Yoo Sangah kindly advises him to shut up and get ready to go so that he can get checked out by a doctor.
2:09 pm
Yoo Sangah tells Lee Jihye to take the kids somewhere else. After observing Lee Hyunsung’s twitching, she tells Lee Jihye to take him as well. Most likely, she is trying to minimize the potential damages to Kim Dokja’s apartment in her absence. Nobody wants to argue against someone who eats corporate businesses for breakfast so with minimal fussing, her orders are executed. Yoo Sangah gives the remaining occupants of the living room (Jung Heewon and Han Sooyoung) a piercing look before leaving with Kim Dokja in tow.
2:13 pm
Desperate, Jung Heewon goes to the kitchen to scrounge for some food. She nearly leaps out of her skin when she sees Yoo Jonghyuk’s dark frame standing in the corner. She wonders if he has been there for the past forty-five minutes. Probability points to yes.
2:14 pm
Jung Heewon asks if there is anything to eat. Yoo Jonghyuk stares at her before turning around to rifle through something. Her hopes rise.
2:16 pm
Jung Heewon is rewarded with a single tomato. She bites into it sourly and retreats back to the living room. She should have known better than to expect sympathy from Yoo Jonghyuk when she is not Kim Dokja or Yoo Mia.
2:23 pm
Out of boredom, Jung Heewon starts up a game of “Two Truths and One Lie” with Han Sooyoung.
2:39 pm
Jung Heewon quits the game after realizing that Han Sooyoung is using Lie Detection to win every round. Han Sooyoung just shrugs and contentedly goes back to scrolling on her phone.
3:42 pm
Yoo Sangah and Kim Dokja return. Kim Dokja tries to walk over to the couch with his dignity intact but ends up face-planting into the cushions. Han Sooyoung laughs at him.
3:46 pm
Yoo Sangah confirms that Kim Dokja has shingles. Since it was caught so early, recovery will be without complications as long as he takes his medicine. There is a sigh of relief that for once, it is something normal and, most importantly, curable. Of course, half of their current party has emotional constipation so none of this is voiced out loud.
3:48 pm
When Yoo Sangah tries to shuffle Kim Dokja into his room for rest, he protests loudly. He says something about already having slept sufficiently but everyone can see it for the excuse it is. When you are friends with Kim Dokja, you become skilled in deciphering his repressed emotions.
3:49 pm
A compromise is struck. Kim Dokja can remain on the couch as long as he stays lying down. That way, he is able to rest without being alone in his room.
4:10 pm
The door creaks open (or it would have if Yoo Jonghyuk had not knocked it down previously). Shin Yoosung enters with a small bouquet of hand-picked flowers and a hopeful smile with Lee Gilyoung right behind her. Kim Dokja is touched.
4:11 pm
Kim Dokja is no longer touched when, upon leaning in to sniff the flowers, he discovers a cockroach staring back at him .
4:12 pm
Kim Dokja tells Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung in a strained voice that he appreciates their concern but that he does not need surveillance. Insultingly, the kids trade doubtful looks.
4:43 pm
Lee Gilyoung slips a baby cockroach onto the floor when no one is looking. Though Kim Dokja will never find out, he has gained a new, permanent roommate.
5:10 pm
Yoo Jonghyuk escapes into the kitchen again but this time with the intent to cook instead of taking up space like a brooding lamp post. Shin Yoosung pads in after him. Han Sooyoung hopes that they will end up making dessert along with the dinner.
5:18 pm
They are chatting about nothing in particular. Jung Heewon mentions that she saw Park Jihyun around the other day. Apparently, she is pregnant. An obligatory applause goes around the room.
5:19 pm
Kim Doka asks who Park Jihyun is. There is an awkward silence. Nobody knows how to tell him that they have gotten close to the carpenter who makes his coffins.
5:20 pm
The silence, and also the need to answer Kim Dokja, is thankfully broken by the entrance of Lee Hyunsung and Lee Jihye. The latter victoriously holds up a plastic bag filled to the brim with snacks. Lee Hyunsung behind her is carrying five more.
5:23 pm
The moment Lee Jihye rips open a bag of chips, Yoo Jonghyuk appears out of nowhere with a spatula in hand and looms menacingly. Meekly, she puts it away. Han Sooyoung is impressed she even tried to get away with eating snacks before dinner was served.
6:00 pm
Yoo Jonghyuk announces that dinner is ready. Like the hungry heathens they are, everyone immediately swarms to the dining table.
6:13 pm
Lee Jihye manages to say that Yoo Jonghyuk could probably find more success as a cooking channel rather than a gaming one while simultaneously inhaling chicken parmesan at a concerning rate. Yoo Jonghyuk looks disturbingly thoughtful before telling her off for talking with food in her mouth.
7:12 pm
For dessert, Shin Yoosung has made butter cookies in the shape of Biyoo. Kim Dokja is taking a hundred pictures of them and eating approximately none.
7:30 pm
Kim Dokja sneaks a cookie into his pocket. He makes a note to look up if it is possible to preserve them for display.
7:36 pm
Bellies pleasantly full, they decide to pop on The Hobbit to relax. Relax is a relative term when Yoo Jonghyuk is silently judging every action scene, Lee Jihye is not-so-silently judging how the characters failed to use the eagles as transport earlier, and Han Sooyoung is also-not-so-silently judging Lee Jihye because Lee Jihye does not understand suspense and literary genius, but it is relaxing all the same.
9:20 pm
Kim Dokja seems to have fallen asleep leaning against Lee Hyunsung. Lee Hyunsung looks like he is torn between being honored that Kim Dokja is showing such trust and being terrified that he will somehow fail Kim Dokja as a substitute pillow.
9:32 pm
Hilariously, they find out that Kim Dokja quotes Ways of Survival in his sleep, with bonus commentary from the reader himself.
9:43pm
Jung Heewon starts recording.
9:45pm
Han Sooyoung finds it funny at first but then the embarrassment of hearing someone recite her own writing out loud gets to her. She stealthily pops her earbuds in and puts her music on shuffle. She refuses to believe that the Abyssal Black Flame Dragon has influenced her music tastes, no matter what other people say.
10:12 pm
Jung Heewon thinks that the Abyssal Black Flame Dragon has influenced Han Sooyoung’s music tastes. The amount of Panic! at the Disco songs she has been overhearing is getting somewhat alarming.
10:21 pm
Kim Dokja is still talking in his sleep.
10:23 pm
Yoo Jonghyuk’s face gets steadily more pinched as Kim Dokja waxes poetic about the protagonist’s cheekbones.
10:32 pm
Kim Dokja has moved onto describing his jawline. Yoo Jonghyuk looks like he is ready to shut Kim Dokja up permanently. Yoo Sangah gently shakes Kim Dokja awake and suggests for him to go sleep on his bed before something unfortunate happens. Jung Heewon is disappointed that her blackmail material will stop here.
10:35 pm
Once Kim Dokja is safely allocated to his room, there is a moment of silence before Lee Hyunsung suggests that they play a game instead of watching the rest of The Hobbit trilogy. Jung Heewon suggests Monopoly. The idea is immediately rejected.
10:37 pm
Shin Yoosung innocently proposes a Rock-Paper-Scissors tournament; the winner can choose the activity for the night. Lee Jihye looks traumatized.
11:01 pm
The activity of the night is participating in competitions that would determine that activity of the night. Currently, they are playing each other in Club Penguin’s Card-Jitsu. Lee Jihye is coming to realize that Card-Jitsu is essentially a more advanced way of playing Rock-Paper-Scissors with no small amount of despair.
Meanwhile, Yoo Jonghyuk is entirely in his element. He leans back with an imperceptible smirk after demolishing Lee Jihye with an animated blizzard. Lee Jihye wails dramatically and slumps to the floor, defeated.
11:32 pm
In a turn of shocking events, Yoo Sangah manages to win the Card-Jitsu tournament. Jung Heewon calls foul play and demands that they play Monopoly instead because winning in capitalism is all that matters in life. Han Sooyoung rallies for a game of charades. Yoo Sangah just smiles and calls them all sore losers.
11:45 pm
Kim Dokja wakes up. He can hear the muffled voices of his friends arguing outside. There is a small part of him that is worried about potential property damage but a larger part of him feels warm and fuzzy. It is a foreign feeling, but one that he has grown to be more familiar with as time passes by.
He smiles and goes back to sleep.