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Jeonghan had fallen asleep immediately. The second he felt comfortable, hugging his pillow and snuggled under the blankets, it was lights out for his brain. Attending two radio shows before practicing for 14 hours straight was exhausting.
He relaxed and allowed sleep to take him.
In the morning, however, he was awoken by a pair of arms pulling his back close to a broad chest. Jeonghan jolted awake. Was there a schedule today? Has he overslept? He couldn't remember -
".. wuh? Wha time s'it - "
"S'just me, Han-ah."
Seungcheol?
"Just go back to sleep."
Easy for him to say. Jeonghan's brain is wide awake now because of the adrenaline jolt. And now it's screaming at him to figure out why Seungcheol made the effort to sneak out of his own dorm, all the way from the other floor, just for cuddles.
He placed his arm over the other around his waist and gently laced their fingers together. Seungcheol just hugged him tighter and pressed his face into Jeonghan's nape. The younger decided to take it slow.
"What time is it?"
".. four a.m."
An unspoken "sorry" hung in the air. He sounded like a guilty child. Under normal circumstances, Jeonghan would've hit him over the head and scolded him for waking him up after only two hours of sleep - and on an off day, he's pretty sure today's an off day now that he thinks about it - but if Seungcheol really only wanted cuddles he would've just requested a sleep over from the second they got off the van.
Clearly, something is wrong.
Jeonghan sighed softly and just decided to ask the big question.
"Wanna talk about it?"
He could feel Seungcheol shake his head and hug him tighter. Jeonghan racked his brain for another way to get more information. He didn't need the older to speak up if he didn't want to, but Jeonghan couldn't help if he didn't know what the main problem is. It was Jeonghan's thing; offering solutions to problems is why the members come to him.
He stroked the back of Seungcheol's hand with his thumb, trying to soothe.
"Anxiety?" he asked softly.
A brief pause. And then a nod.
Ah. Jeonghan could work with that.
Gently, he shifted so he could turn around and face the elder, who met him with a sulky, childish pout.
"I said I didn't wanna talk about it."
The whine honestly sounded adorable and Jeonghan smiled, chuckling softly. He laid his head on Seungcheol's arm and relaxed again, letting the elder place his other arm on his waist like before. They're snuggling close; Jeonghan's face is nearly smushed into Seungcheol's shoulder, tucked neatly under the elder's chin.
Jeonghan's isn't usually one for snuggles, let alone be a little spoon, but right now he felt that the big baby could use some feeling of empowerment.
"Was Shua unavailable?"
Usually, Jeonghan's just a drinking buddy to Seungcheol; someone to talk to over a few bottles of soju, a discussion partner, a person to consult with. He's the leader's Devil's Advocate. Joshua's the one who he goes to for cuddles and comfort.
"Wasn't in his room. I think he said something about going to Jun's dorm. Or Nonie's room, dunno. Forgot."
"Ah."
Seungcheol still sounded a bit sulky, guarded, mind preoccupied with probably a thousand self-deprecating and self-sabotaging thoughts and the younger needed him to relax.
So, Jeonghan slid an arm around Seungcheol's waist too, and squeezed his ass playfully, making them both giggle.
"Aish, Yoon Jeonghan," the elder reprimanded, an amused smile audible in his voice, and Jeonghan giggled again.
"Gotta make you smile somehow."
He then placed his hand on the small of Seungcheol's back and rubbed small circles in an attempt to soothe.
"I'm grateful that both you and Shuji have muscles now. It's useful for stunts like in the choreo."
Jeonghan's trying to make conversation, trying to distract him, and Seungcheol immediately caught on. He recognized rhe topic being brought up and took his revenge, lightly slapping Jeonghan's ass.
"I told you to work out more. Even asked you to come with me."
"No way. Who else would then be slim and light enough to do stunts, hm? Wonu-yah has muscles now too, and Myungho is heavy. I'm doing our group a fav - ow."
Seungcheol had lightly hit the younger's head with his chin, chuckling fondly.
"You always an answer for everything."
"It's what makes me charming."
"Touche."
Their voices dissolved into comfortable silence, and Jeonghan could feel the older relax around him. He shuffles a bit closer and moved his hand up Seungcheol's back, still rubbing circles.
"Do your arms still hurt?"
Another change of topic.
"Kinda. Why'd you always fall in my direction? I'd stand left or right and you'd still fall almost fully in my arms. Shua is strong enough too, y'know."
The scolding was a good sign. It meant he's distracted from his problem enough. Jeonghan decides to play along.
"He's never proven it to me. You like to carry me around for fun. Guess who I'd trust more? Besides, it'll be a good boast. You can now tell people that you've caught a fallen angel."
That pun earned Jeonghan another slap on the ass, and soft giggles filled the quiet room. The mood felt comfortable enough, and Jeonghan decided to take a wild stab in the dark.
"I mean it, though. You know I trust you with my life. All of us do. Carats weren't exaggerating when they fought to get you that Best Leader award thingy."
Jeonghan could feel the other grow tense and quiet as the conversation took a sudden serious turn, but he soldiered on.
"You listen to all of us and mediate our agreement with the company. You try your best to reach a win-win solution, and you fight so hard for Seventeen's benefit."
"No I dont," was mumbled into Jeonghan's hair and he felt Seungcheol's ridiculously strong arms pull him in closer, hugging him tighter.
"Yes you do. You always do. Especially when it concerns bathroom rights."
The elder recognized what that's about and choked on a giggle, "Bathroom rights - " Jeonghan just chuckled.
"Hey it's important, you know? You always notice when any of us are having a hard time, and you always listen well to the kids. You've done a great job. You're doing a great job."
Seungcheol didn't reply to that, instead choosing to fiddle with the hem of Jeonghan's shirt - he could feel it - and an uncomfortable silence fell between them as Seungcheol struggled to voice what's on his mind. Jeonghan just tried his best to relax his body, hoping it'll influence the other.
"But.." Seungcheol sounded so small, sounded like the insecure maknae he truly actually is on the inside, and Jeonghan smiles softly as the problem finally presented itself.
Seungcheol's feeling inadequate, again. Something must've happened, something to trigger to him, but Jeonghan didn't need to know. All that's important is that he has a grasp of the problem and he could work with that.
"But Jakarta. And Tokyo. And - "
"Coups-yah. That was months ago."
"I left you to care for them even though you were sick!"
He sounded desperate, and Jeonghan recognized it to be the start of a small petty argument. He decided to be a bit more strict.
"You literally tagged along with us to every single country."
"I stayed back at the hotels."
"I handle the kids just fine on a daily basis."
"Not while you were sick - "
"I wanted to be there, Coups. On that stage. And I wasn't alone. I had Shua, Mingyu, Kyeommie and Myungho," Jeonghan insisted, "You cant be in charge of everything, Coups, you're human. You have your limits."
Seungcheol fell silent again at that, a sign that he knew Jeonghan's right. His first instinct was to dismiss it, but he held himself back. It'd lead into one of their meaningless bickers again, and he knew Jeonghan well enough at this point to discern when the younger was in the mood for it or not.
Today's not that day.
Still, he hated the feeling of not having that last word.
"But - "
But Jeonghan, as always, shut him down.
He moved back a bit, putting enough distance between their bodies so that he could look straight up in Seungcheol's soft doe eyes.
"Dont you trust me? Shua and I, don't you trust us?"
Jeonghan's gaze is sharp, determined, and Seungcheol could see that he meant the question. It wasn't purely rhetorical. Jeonghan needed to know.
Seungcheol sighed and leaned forward, closing his eyes as he rested his forehead upon Jeonghan's.
"With my life."
Long, slim, crooked fingers slid into the elder's hair and he could feel nails gently scratching at his scalp.
"Good. Because we do, too. All of us. You take care of us well, Coups-yah. We trust you, and we need you to trust us, too."
Fingers combed itself through grey-ish, slightly dry locks, and Seungcheol found himself leaning a bit into the touch.
"You're really doing a great job of leading us, and protecting us. Let us protect you once in a while, alright?"
Like a child, Seungcheol nods, eyes closed as he tries to immerse himself in Jeonghan's soft soothing touches. He believed those words, he wanted to, and it was easy to; because Jeonghan never lies. He might swindle, he might cheat, but he's never a liar. He's upright and honest and never afraid of calling anyone out on their bullshit and God does Seungcheol love him for it.
But the demons in his head still sound a bit convincing, and Seungcheol cupped Jeonghan's hand in his, bringing it down to his cheek so that he could lean into Jeonghan's steady hand.
"Do I really? Do a good job?"
Amused brown eyes meet his and Jeonghan's eyes crinkle into a teasing smile.
"Best K-Pop Leader ever."
And their conversation ended there. After a short while of calming the elder down thoroughly, Jeonghan decided to turn around again as sleep threatened to take him. They fell asleep with the leader's arms around Jeonghan's thinner frame, chest pressed snugly against the younger's back, fingers laced over Jeonghan's tummy.
Their conversation was shallow. It only scratched the surface of the problem and didn't really solve anything. The whole thing was silly and all over the place and honestly Seungcheol didn't think it would've worked if it were anyone else than Yoon Jeonghan who he came to.
The bond between them was what made it different. Their understanding of eachother - Jeonghan's understanding of Seungcheol, to be exact - was what made that shallow conversation significant.
They could read between the lines, they could hear what they both avoided saying out loud.
Seungcheol smiled to himself.
Finally, for the first time in weeks, he could get a good night's sleep.