Work Text:
dear akaashi,
I am never going to send you this letter.
But I’m writing it because there are so many things that I need to get off of my chest. Feelings, emotions, and all the things I could never say to your face because I’m afraid. But I’ve got to let it out because my chest hurts and I’ve started acting strange around you and you can tell, because you’re you and thus you’re more attentive to me than anyone before.
To state it simply: you give me butterflies.
In a more complex metaphor (or is it a simile? you’d know, you’re the writing wizard here): every time I see you I feel this overwhelming feeling of fluttery, floaty nerves. It’s like going to one of those butterfly places and seeing them come swooping around in droves, so many that you feel like you’re going to be swept up with them. It’s like a tsunami in my stomach, or maybe it’s a hurricane? It’s some form of natural disaster, but it’s beautiful. A work of art, but it hurts me too because you will never feel the same.
I love you, Akaashi Keiji.
I have loved you since we first met, you know. When you gave me that smile that you give when you’re secretly really pleased, the one that is small but so genuine it almost made me tear up once. It was a kind of love that was by appearance, which isn’t something that I ever thought I would go through. But you managed to turn me upside down and spin me around til I couldn’t see anything except you.
I think I’ll end this here, for now. I’ll write more later, but for right now my hand is cramping and my vision is kind of blurring because I decided to write this when I should be sleeping.
much love,
(name)
dear akaashi,
I love to watch you play volleyball. You’re like a conductor or a chess player. Moving the pieces and commanding the music so that your team can play to the best of their ability. You put so much thought into every single thing that you do while on the court.
I wonder, how does your mind work so fast?
I only hope that one day I’ll be able to ask you and you will tell me. Maybe then I’ll understand you better than I do now. That would be something I only dream of. Knowing you.
Do you ever get headaches after you’re done with a match? I feel like you must. They’re probably small at the beginning, but then get worse and worse until you can go home and really feel them. You won’t ever tell your team because you don’t want to worry them. They’ll never know that all of your thinking and conducting makes your head hurt. It’s only us who knows, me and you.
Well, in my head it’s only us. In reality, you probably don’t have your head hurt. You’re that perfect, I bet.
But if your head does hurt, I always carry painkillers in my bag. You can always come to me if you really need something.
Maybe one day I’ll actually tell you that, huh?
much love,
(name)
dear akaashi,
Today is a Thursday. I don’t see you often on Thursdays, as you always seem to have something going on. Maybe you’re on an errand run after school or visiting an animal shelter. Perhaps you’re enjoying some peace and quiet (lord knows you need it after dealing with Bokuto all the time).
Or maybe you’re just a diligent student who goes home early to study.
The point is, I miss you on Thursdays. They always seem so much more lonely.
missing you,
(name)
dear akaashi,
The nice thing about being here with you in class is that I can watch you study or write and nobody thinks I’m being odd, because you’re directly in front of me. It seems almost wrong, to write you this letter you will never see while you’re so close to me. However, it also seems fitting, to write to you while you’re so close.
I often see your handwriting. It’s very neat, concise. It suits you.
I like your little doodles in the margins more, however. I saw them once when an open window blew your papers away from you and right in my path. Another time, when you lent me your notes because I was sick. They were cute, those doodles. Especially the onigiri. I wonder if you were hungry that day?
I must admit something here, and it’s probably the most shameful thing that I will say in these letters.
I want so badly to cling to you in a tight hug, letting you wrap your arms around my middle. I know it will be secure, comforting. I know that you would keep me safe, and those hands that you use for setting and writing and doodling little onigiri would feel so perfect in a hug.
Oh, the hopelessly romantic thoughts of a high schooler.
much love,
(name)
dear akaashi,
I lied. The most shameful thing I will say is this.
There is nothing I want to feel more than your lips against mine.
I won’t go into detail, lest this note gets found, but…
I dreamed about it, and it was the best thing I’ve ever dreamed.
hopelessly yours,
(name)
dear akaashi,
Have I ever outright said my feelings for you? I don’t quite remember. Maybe I’ve only said it once. That’s really not enough, I think. Well, here it is, in that case.
I love you.
I love the way you laugh, and how it’s a rare gem that only comes out every once in a blue moon. I love your smiles and the way you try to hide them by looking away. I love your nervous habit of fidgeting with your fingers. I love how you put your all into everything you do. I love the way you immerse yourself in your books, diving in and refusing to surface until you absolutely need to. I love the way that you always manage to temper even the loudest of personalities. I love that you notice things about everyone. I love that you care about everyone.
I love you so much it hurts, and my stomach twists up in knots and I feel like I’m going to blush with every single word you say. I love you so much that when we make eye contact my heart goes into overdrive. I love you so much that I want to simply scream it off of a rooftop until my throat gives out. I want to yell this, to sob this, to scream this:
“I love you, Akaashi Keiji!”
However, my tongue gets stuck on the roof of my mouth, and the words stick in the back of my throat. Oh, how I wish I could tell you this out loud. But for now, these unsent letters will have to do, although they’re a pitiful replacement.
lovingly yours,
(name)
dear akaashi,
Someone confessed to you today, and it nearly broke my heart in two. I thought for sure you would accept their love, but when you said no I felt relief like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
Of course, I feel bad for the girl, but mostly I’m elated. Does that make me a bad person?
I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that I was more afraid today than I have been in a long time.
your absurdly relieved admirer,
(name)
dear akaashi,
I’ve realized that I tend to address you as if we don’t know each other very well in these letters. Like we’re passing acquaintances, maybe. That’s really not true.
We met on the first day of our first year. I was rushing around, trying desperately to find my classroom, nervous I’d be late. You were walking calmly in the halls (or so it seemed to me). You looked so confident that I was sure you were an upperclassman who would know where I needed to go.
So I approached you, stammering and hoping you wouldn’t mind that some lowly first year was going to bother you. Imagine my surprise when you gave me that soft, almost awkward smile and admitted that not only were you my age, but you were lost as well!
That’s when I fell for you first, by the way. I couldn’t tell you why , exactly, but I know it was then.
Since that day, when we were both lost and ended up showing up to class ten minutes late, we’ve been friends. We’re not close in the way you’re close with Bokuto (sometimes I’m torn about that because I would love to be closer to you, but I also know if I was, you’d find me out so quickly), but we’re friends enough that you talk to me in class and share your notes with me when I miss them.
We also meet up often on weekends, or days when you and I get out of club practices at the same time. You live surprisingly close to me, and I enjoy being able to see and talk to you during those times.
You’ve told me not to call you Akaashi-san, and to be less formal, which is part of the reason why in these letters I only call you Akaashi. The other part is me wanting desperately to pretend that we’re so much closer than we are.
I can’t bring myself to call you Keiji though, even in these letters. Just writing it makes me feel awfully embarrassed.
Maybe one day I’ll be able to call you that. I hope so.
daringly full of love,
(name)
dear akaashi,
Today you offered me some of your bento because you saw I forgot mine. Even though you had plans with your volleyball club today, you stayed with me to eat. My heart thudded so hard I’m sure you could hear it from where you sat next to me.
You were kind enough not to say anything if you did, however.
Your food was very good, especially the little penguin onigiri. I found them charming, and I was flattered when you let me eat one, even though they’re your favorite.
(Fun fact: I almost erupted into red so many times today.)
Thank you for not letting me go hungry.
I’ll have to pay you back sometime, huh?
full of love (and your lunch),
(name)
dear akaashi,
I made you a bento today. It was, for some reason, the most nerve-wracking thing I’ve ever done. I took a lot of time trying to make sure everything was perfect. My mom laughed at me as I did, shaking her head in fondness.
She ended up having to make me my lunch, actually, because I spent so much time on yours. I don’t regret it though, because when I gathered up enough nerve to give it to you, your eyes lit up with such joy that I found myself grinning in turn.
You told me you would eat it after school, before practice. You thanked me at least three times, even though I said it was a sort of “thank you” for when you shared your lunch with me. You still insisted on thanking me.
I wonder if you liked it? I did try to make the food into those cute shapes you see in anime and on the cooking websites, but I’m not quite that skilled with my hands.
I hope you did enjoy it.
forever yours,
(name)
dear akaashi,
You liked it!
My heart fluttered so much when you told me that.
blushingly yours,
(name)
dear akaashi,
You’re off to a week-long training camp.
That means I won’t see you around the neighborhood when you’re on your runs, I won’t see you while you’re running errands at the store. I won’t see you on the train as you ride somewhere. I won’t see you during class or after club practices, and when I need notes I have to get them from Hayato, who never has as good notes as you.
Training camps are always the worst for me because I miss you. However, I know they’re good because you always come back seeming so happy and ready to play. You fidget with your fingers less, and I see you drifting off to think about it during class sometimes. You also laugh a little more when you’re done with a camp.
I hope this week is kind to you, and you learn much. I’ll miss you while you’re gone, but I know you’ll do great things.
going to miss you,
(name)
dear akaashi,
How have I never noticed your smell? Now that you’re away, the loss of it is surprisingly stark. It’s subtle, but enough that I find it comforting.
Now the classroom just smells like the strong cleaners they use on the floors and whiteboard, and a little bit of teenager (which is not all that pleasant).
Sometimes, after a camp, you come back smelling of watermelon (you say it’s because Bokuto spills it on your jacket and then you have to wash it, but the smell lingers for a day or so more). It’s nice.
Hope you’re having fun at your camp.
come back soon,
(name)
dear akaashi,
Hayato has bad handwriting. I miss yours.
pathetically yours,
(name)
dear akaashi,
You texted me to ask about what’s been going on in class. I’ve realized that you prefer your training camps that aren’t during school hours because you tend not to miss the lectures then. This camp is the odd one out in that regard.
I tried to explain to you what was going on as best I could, but I think that at some point you got your phone stolen by one of your teammates, probably Konoha or Bokuto. They sent a lot of strange texts and a very memorable (albeit blurry) picture of you lunging for your phone, seemingly upset.
I saved it, and it’s your contact picture. I hope you’ll never find out, but I do think it’s kind of funny. And it’s far better than the one I had before. (it was a picture of you and Bokuto after a practice match, and he was kind of taking up the entire screen, so your face was halfway covered with his spiky hair).
In response to the picture, I sent one of me laughing in return. You didn’t answer back, but whoever it was that had your phone claimed that you were blushing.
I doubt that, but it made me smile. Only a few more days and you’re back! I’m excited, though I shouldn’t really be.
admiringly yours,
(name)
dear akaashi,
You’re back!
It was good to see you again. You weren’t even gone for that long, how much of a sap am I?
A large one.
I organized my notes very well for you this time so that you would be able to find and study everything you could need. I figured it might be helpful. So I gave it to you when I first saw you, and you seemed a little shocked. In a good way, however.
But it made me feel terribly awkward, so I blushed and started apologizing and overexplaining (like I do, quite often), but you just let out one of those rare laughs and thanked me.
Those butterflies came back with a force so hard I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. You’re so charming when you laugh, you know? I’d say you should do it more often, but I kind of like how it’s a secret treasure you only let the closest to you hear.
What a treat, to see you after a week and hear your laugh. Oh, aren’t I lucky?
meltingly yours,
(name)
dear akaashi,
If I give you a gift for Valentine's Day, would you respond? I’ve been wondering about this for a while. I don’t want to force you to do anything, but I would like to get you something, at least.
Maybe some chocolates, or something else.
Actually, I think you mentioned a particular book of poetry that you’d liked that you’d checked out from the library. Maybe I’ll get you that, and some sticky notes so that you can write down the things you’re thinking as you read.
Yes, I’ll do that. I think you would like that quite a lot, actually.
excited and in love,
(name)
dear akaashi,
I should’ve realized that you would get so many gifts on Valentine's Day. You’re a popular, attractive, kind, athletic, smart, and absolutely lovely person.
It made me nervous, the pile on your desk. So I didn’t give it to you then.
I know! What a coward I am. I honestly wonder how I’ve made it this far in life.
But I did give it to you eventually. I hope you find it in your shoe locker before practice. You cleared out all the other gifts before that, so it should be the only one in there. I almost want to ask you about it, but if you like it you’ll probably tell me about it tomorrow with that soft, excited gleam in your eyes.
Oh, now I can’t wait for that!
ready for tomorrow,
(name)
dear akaashi,
I truly can’t believe that I forgot to put my name on your gift. Out of all of the pigheaded, foolish things to do!
At least you liked it. That was a gift in and of itself. Your excited smile as you explained it to me was everything.
feeling stupid,
(name)
dear akaashi,
This project will be the end of me. I got so excited when the teacher announced the pairings at first, as I foolishly believed we might get placed with you.
Instead, I got the annoying, loud, and lazy Ogawa Ryoto, who is the center on the soccer team. I know this because he told me so six times in the space of four minutes.
If I die in the process of this project, I hope that you know that I love you and I will regret every second that was not in your presence.
At least your partner is good at taking notes, even if his handwriting is sloppy.
forever yours (even in death by partner),
(name)
dear akaashi,
Ogawa almost saw these letters. He entered my room as I was getting the materials ready, and the box I put them in was next to my desk. He’s nosy, so he almost went rifling through them. Luckily I managed to stop him by calling him over and having him haul down my textbook and a large stack of papers.
As he was struggling out of the door (for an athlete, he’s not very strong), I slid the letters under my bed quickly.
I know I want people to know that I love you, but I feel like the first person that should know should be you, as all of these are for you.
You just won’t get them. I sure won’t send them to you. Imagine how embarrassing that would be, all of these things I’ve confessed while writing to you.
No, you will never get these letters.
frightened but still yours,
(name)
dear akaashi,
Have I ever told you that your eyes are enchanting? Because they are. They’re this steel blue that never fails to get my heart racing. The way you look so deeply at everyone and anyone makes me wonder what exactly it is that you see in them. Or more specifically me, when you look at me like that.
I love the way that your eyes give everything you think away. Sometimes it can be hard to decipher, but with enough time you become so easy to read that I don’t understand why people see you as unapproachable and mysterious. All of your mysteries are spelled out in your eyes.
I love the way that they gleam when you find a particularly interesting phrase or paragraph in a book you enjoy. I can always tell when you’ve read your favorite poem in that book I gave you because your eyes sort of crinkle up on the sides and you seem to focus on it more. It can be impossible to snap you out of that state, actually.
How I love you, Akaashi Keiji, and your stupidly enchanting, spellbinding eyes.
caught in your spell,
(name)
dear akaashi,
Have you been feeling more nervous lately? I noticed that you’ve been wringing your hands and fidgeting with your fingers often. A lot more so than usual.
Is it about the upcoming presentation? I know you’ll do wonderfully, you always have the best projects out of anyone else. It’s very nice for me to hear you stand up and explain them when you talk in front of the class. Your voice is very nice.
Speaking of your voice, I heard you humming a song the other day. You have a nice voice. It fit the song just right, and I could tell that you seemed to like it. I couldn’t quite place what it was, and when I asked you about it later, you told me that it was a song that reminded you of someone.
I wonder who gets your songs. They’re one lucky person, and I hope they know that.
Maybe they’re why you’ve been wringing and fidgeting more often.
I hope not.
anxiously yours,
(name)
dear akaashi,
I hate Ogawa with a burning passion. I can’t believe the nerve of him- honestly!
He told me that if I did the entire project, he would make it “worth my while”. Now, while I may not be someone with a great amount of experience in that area (none, actually), I can understand what he meant by that.
I nearly punched him for that and sent him off with a firm goodbye. I think I’ll speak with the teacher tomorrow and see if I can do this by myself, or get a different partner, although I’m fairly sure that it’s too late in the project to do that.
I know you would never do something like that. Another reason to love you- you’re a complete gentleman.
angry but still yours,
(name)
dear akaashi,
After class, you approached me about coming to one of your next games. This isn’t completely strange, as you’ve asked once or twice before, as you find me a calming presence (and that made me blush when I heard it). But this time seemed different to me. You were fidgeting with your fingers a lot more, and you wouldn’t quite look me in the eye.
I can only assume that this game must be a particularly important one for you. After all, it is almost time for the preliminary rounds to go to nationals. Maybe you need the calming more than before.
That would explain the fidgeting that’s been going on lately. That’s a relieving thought, as I truly did not want to think about you liking someone and being worried about confessing.
I know I gave you a confirmation earlier, but I’d like to put it here as well.
Akaashi Keiji, I would and I will go to any and all of your games if you would like me to be there.
devoted to you,
(name)
dear akaashi,
You played phenomenally today! It was incredible to see your mind at work once again, as it’s been some time since I’ve last been able to see you play.
I love watching you get involved in the game, and the way that you shape your team into something great is inspiring. If I could capture a picture of you playing and truly working hard I would. However, I am terrible at working cameras, so instead I will try to remember this memory forever.
I ended up blowing off Ogawa today to come to your game, and I don’t feel bad at all. (yes, I am still stuck with him. But he’s no longer allowed to come to my house, and we stay in the library to work on the project.)
You’re a brilliant player, thank you for having me come to your game. It made me feel kind of like I was falling in love with you all over again.
starstruck by you,
(name)
dear akaashi,
Your presentation today was wonderful. You seemed so confident up there with Hayato, and everything you talked about made so much sense in my head. You made everything connect just perfectly.
If I could have you teach me all of my lessons, I feel like I would be in a much better state before exam season rolls around.
Maybe I should see if you would like to study together…? That might be helpful, actually.
Wish me luck on my presentation tomorrow. It won’t be as good as yours (then again, no one’s could be as good as yours, truthfully).
newly learned and in love,
(name)
dear akaashi,
Please. Don’t listen to Ogawa. Never have I ever liked him, and never will I. He’s a slimy brat who deserves nothing and lies about everything.
I swear I never confessed to him. I swear I never kissed him. I swear I never thought he was anything close to attractive or a good person to have as a boyfriend.
I am in love with you, not a loathsome creature like him.
I am yours, body, mind, and spirit. I am yours, even if you don’t know it now. I love you , Akaashi, and the fact that he’s out here spewing this makes me so upset I don’t know what to say.
I hope you never even heard what he’s said about me.
In fact, I’m going to fix this tomorrow.
yours forevermore,
(name)
dear akaashi,
I did it. Everyone knows now that I have no association with Ogawa, and I never will. And now that this project is over, he’ll never interact with me again.
Never have I been so relieved to have something over and done with.
Now I can go back to the normality of life and love.
relieved and yours,
(name)
dear akaashi,
Have I ever told you that you’re gorgeous? Because you are. Every day I see you, I am stunned by your beauty.
I’m even more stunned by your mind. You’re so intelligent it’s insane. I love to hear your thoughts on things I’ve never even considered. I love to hear you speak about the books you love, as you get so passionate. Your eyes sparkle when you do, and it’s something amazing.
You’re such a passionate, loveable person. No wonder I am head over heels for you. I adore you, Akaashi Keiji, and I’ll tell you that every day if I must.
If I ever get up the courage to tell you, that is.
adoringly yours,
(name)
You folded up your latest letter and went to place it in the box where all the others resided but frowned when you couldn’t find it. You wondered if it had slid behind another box of things under your bed, but before you could check, your mother called at you, yelling that you would be late for school if you didn’t hurry.
“I’m coming, mom!”
You stood up and placed the letter carefully into your bag, not wanting it to be laying out when your mother inevitably would walk into your room to look for something.
You rushed downstairs, grabbed your lunch, and gave your mother a quick goodbye hug before rushing out the door. If you were lucky, you were early enough to spy Akaashi on the train, but you doubted it would be so. After all, you were kind of late.
When you got off of the train, you brushed off any of the imaginary dirt that was on your skirt and headed in, ready to face another day of school. You were also planning on approaching Akaashi to see if he’d like to study with you on a weekend. You’d meant to do it earlier, but after everything that happened you’d ended up forgetting to do so.
You walked into school and headed towards your locker, only to see a curious sight. There was a large group of people waiting around your locker, all talking and laughing.
“Excuse me,” you said, trying to weave through the people, “Can I get through to my locker? There are a few things I need-”
You suddenly heard a sharp increase of laughter and furrowed your brow, looking up to see Ogawa standing in front of your locker with a strangely familiar box in his hands.
He had a sheet of paper in his hands and was reading off of it.
“Dear Akaashi,” he sneered in a high-pitched voice, “‘I will never send you this letter. But I’m writing it because there are so many things that I need to get off of my chest.’ Ooh, how romantic , am I right?”
Your blood went cold as you realized what was happening. Somehow, Ogawa had gotten ahold of your letters and was reading them out loud to make a spectacle of you.
“Okay, let’s continue… here we go! ‘Feelings, emotions, and all the things I could never say to your face because I’m afraid.’ How quaint, ladies and gentlemen.” Ogawa’s eyes flashed with a spiteful look that made you shudder.
Your heart was pounding, and you tried to shove through the crowd as his eyes scanned the letter. You had to stop him- this was awful. You felt like you might start crying, but you knew you had to get this to end before he got to something that you definitely didn’t want anyone to know.
“Okay, I’m going to skip a little because she’s really wordy here. Let’s get to the good bit, shall we?” He cleared his throat, and your heart hammered because you knew what was going to come next. You’d read and reread everything in these letters, and you couldn’t let him say it out loud.
“Ogawa! Stop!” You yelled, pushing until you stumbled in front of him, heart thudding and head pounding.
He ignored you and opened his mouth to read the next sentence, the one that you knew would cement your downfall.
“Stop, please !” You yelled, eyes pricking. He continued anyway.
“‘I love you, Akaashi Keiji. I have loved you since we first met-’”
He didn’t get any further, because you ripped the paper from his hands, and then tried to snatch the box full of all your other letters. He held it high above your head, preventing you from grabbing it.
Ogawa let out a harsh laugh, smiling spitefully down at you. “Oh, hey (name)! Didn’t see you there. Did you like my impression of you? I think it was rather good.”
“I can’t believe you,” you said, angrily. You felt tears gather up in the edges of your eyes. “How could you do this?”
“Easily enough,” he bragged, “I just told your mother I’d left something at your house after the project and then snagged this curious box I remembered seeing! I never thought what would be in it could be so good. I mean, really? Love letters?” He shook the box and your letters rattled around in it.
“Shut up!” You said, hands clenching onto the letter you held. “Give me those!” You tried to reach for the box but were unsuccessful.
“I thought they were all really quite quaint. How about all of you?” He addressed the crowd who was still gathered around the two of you. Nobody really said anything, but you could see the looks on their faces. They liked this.
“Nobody will speak up? Well, I know one person who probably enjoyed the show. It was pretty hilarious, right, Akaashi?”
Your heart stopped, and you turned to look behind you.
There stood Akaashi, hands clenched tightly onto his book bag. He was giving you a look that you found unreadable.
Tears flooded your eyes at the thought that he’d been there through it all. You couldn’t handle it anymore, and you pushed Ogawa away, before rushing towards the entrance, losing your grip on the letter you’d held. It fluttered softly to the ground.
You could hear the taunts the soccer player threw at you, asking the crowd if he should open and read the next letter.
You were outside before you could hear their response.
You’d ended up running to a hidden park in a secluded area that nobody ever came to. It was quiet, and you’d written a few of those stupid letters here.
“Gosh,” you whispered, furiously wiping at your tears, “I can’t believe this- honestly, (name), you’re so stupid- I can’t believe- I just-”
You broke into another wave of tears and curled up into a pathetic little ball. Your heart hurt, and so did your head and your throat.
You wanted nothing more than to rewind the day back to before any of this could’ve happened. Instead, you called your mother, who picked up on the first ring.
“Sweetheart?” She asked, sounding concerned. “What’s up?”
You started crying even harder, trying to explain what was going on. Your mom couldn’t make sense of what you were saying, and instead you just told her where you were at.
Ten minutes later, she picked you up and took you home.
That night, there was a knock at your door. You were home alone, as your mother had to go to a meeting with someone from work. You’d explained what had happened earlier, and she’d held you while you cried.
You didn’t particularly feel like opening the door right now, but you knew your mother was expecting an important package, so you went to open the door.
When it opened, instead of being a postman holding a package and asking you to sign, there was Akaashi Keiji standing in front of you, clutching onto a box.
“(surname),” he started as you stood there, stunned. “May I come in?”
You wanted so badly to say no, but you still loved him, so you nodded and let him into your house.
“...sorry about the mess,” you said, not looking at him as you shut the door behind him and went to sit down. There were blankets scattered around the room, along with tissues and a bowl that had once contained ice cream.
“It’s okay,” he said, and you knew that if he wasn’t holding onto the box in his hands, he would be fidgeting with his fingers. “I’m sorry to intrude, but I needed to talk to you.”
“Akaashi,” you said, looking up at his eyes for only a second before looking away, shame filling your entire body. You didn’t want those piercing eyes to read everything you were thinking like you knew they could. “I’m really sorry about today. I know that you didn’t want to be involved with that, and I’m sorry that Ogawa read that letter. I really, truly didn’t mean to ever let you know, and I didn’t mean to ruin our friendship. You absolutely do not have to accept my confession and I hope this doesn’t make things strange.”
“(surname), look at me,” he said, and you tried to blink away the tears that were in your eyes. You thought you’d cried enough today, but apparently not.
“(surname),” Akaashi said as soon as you looked at him, “I’m sorry that Ogawa read your letters. They were obviously very personal, and you didn’t want anyone to read them. I stopped him before he could read any more out loud, if you were worried about that.”
He took a breath, then continued. “However, I am glad that I got them. I must confess that I read them after I took them away from Ogawa. I was curious, even though it was a breach of privacy that I shouldn’t have made.” He looked away from you then, but your eyes followed him.
“(surname)(name),” he said, and you took in a breath of surprise as he placed the box on the ground and grabbed your hand, “I am glad that I got to read the letters that you would never send me because I have been hopelessly in love with you since first year.”
“What?” You said, voice quiet but shocked.
“I thought I was being quite obvious,” he said a little sheepishly, and his fingers fidgeted with yours as he looked at your hands. “After I read the letters, I realized that maybe I hadn’t really been very clear. But it’s true. I’ve loved you since first year, when you came into my life with a question and calmed me down on the first day of school. I still can’t believe that you thought I was confident.
“I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I love you very much, (surname), and I was wondering if maybe you would like to go out with me sometime.”
“Akaashi,” you whispered.
“Keiji,” he said instead, then flushed a little. “You can call me Keiji if you want.”
“Keiji,” you said, and his name sounded different on your tongue. You let out a nervous laugh, then took a steeling breath before leaning in and wrapping your arms around him to give him a firm hug. It took him a second, but he returned it gladly, pulling you into his chest.
You spoke again, then. “I would love to go out with you. And if you want, you can just call me (name).”
You felt Keiji let out a sigh of relief. Then he smiled down at you, the biggest smile you’d ever seen from the quiet setter. “(name),” he said softly as if trying it out. “Oh thank goodness. I’ve never been so nervous in my life.”
You chuckled and leaned in further to his chest, relaxing as the minutes went by. He seemed to enjoy it too, the way he leaned into you.
“By the way,” he said several minutes later after you two had rearranged positions on the couch and started a movie, “I missed you during training camps too.”
You flushed. “I was hoping you wouldn’t have read those…” you groaned into his shoulder.
“How could I not read everything you wrote? It was all like poetry to me.”
You shook your head fondly, trying to cover your red face. “You’re too sweet,” you mumbled into his shoulder.
He didn’t say anything, just leaned his head on top of yours. The two of you stayed like that for a long while, eventually falling asleep together on the couch, hands intertwined.
dear keiji,
I know that I said I would never send you those letters, but I’m glad that they got to you anyways, even if it was unorthodox and kind of scarring.
Keiji (I love saying and writing your name so much), I am glad that you read my letters. I’m glad that you told me you love me (and wasn’t that something to throw me for a loop!). And most of all, I’m glad that I fell in love with you.
I know we haven’t been together for that long, but I have to let you know.
Keiji, I love you eternally. Thank you for being the one who’s there for me, the one who can read me like a book. Thank you for trusting me with your ramblings and slightly blurry pictures. Thank you for studying with me and teaching me everything I need to know. Thank you for telling me about your fears and worries and letting me hold you tight. Thank you for letting me take care of your headaches after a match.
But most of all, thank you, Akaashi Keiji, for letting me love you.
love you forever and always,
(name)