Archive of Our Own

“God you’re so clingy, it’s suffocating.”

Jaebum blinks once, then twice, and when he doesn’t wake up from a dream he snatches his arm back from where it had been winding around Jinyoung’s waist. 

He lets out a soft, quiet laugh, because what else can he do? They’re filming another episode for the series, so he can’t rip himself away like he wants to. 

Suffocating .

Yugyeom snickers from beside him at the outburst, it’s apparently not a big deal to him.

Maybe he’s just taking it too personal, he probably didn’t mean it that harshly, right?

He’ll… He’ll just be more aware from now on.

Maybe Jinyoung didn’t mean it.

More and more he begins to realize every time they’re touching nowadays, it's because Jaebum initiates it. Not once in the coming week does Jinyoung reach for him, instead he presses against Jackson on movie night, he fake wrestles Yugyeom in the practice room, all while Jaebum watches on with new eyes, now noticing that if he doesn’t go out of his way to interact with him like he used to think was normal, it doesn’t happen. 

So, he stays away. 

It confirms in his mind that Jinyoung wasn’t joking when he’d said he was being suffocated; how could that be a joke when Jinyoung looks… happy without it. 

He doesn’t want to make Jinyoung unhappy, he doesn’t want to suffocate him by sitting too close or seeking out validation through him anymore. 

It doesn’t help that he has had the most massive schoolboy crush on him for two years now, so to add to the general hurt, there’s his heart cracking as the cherry on top.  

Jaebum ends up with a surprising amount of suddenly new free time on his hands. He knew his world revolves around Jinyoung to an extent, but… it’s shocking to see how much time he had spent unknowingly trying to get his attention. 

He ends up going to the studio more and more until he spends most of his free days there, sometimes even spending the night because he’s too exhausted to walk back home. 

The other members don’t seem to notice, he does it gradually through a week, but his hyungs at the studio do. 

They’re surprised at first, but are happy for him to get to come more often. Then, one of his hyungs notices.

He notices Jaebum’s nervous habits act up, the way Jaebum half the time flinches when he opens the door to the room, the way he will just half heartedly laugh at something. 

When the overnights begin to happen, that’s when his hyung gets worried.

It’s annoying at first when he checks up on him when Jaebum gets there and insists they leave together. Jaebum knows what he’s doing, but after a few times something lights up in his mind; he begins to feel that rush again that Jinyoung used to give him. 

His entire being lights up and he finally begins to respond to the actions instead of just tolerating them and going along with whatever. 

It feels… nice to be taken care of. 

Jinyoung used to nag him about certain things, Jackson would check in on a busy day to see if everyone had time to eat at least once, but not anymore. Jaebum has become distant enough that it doesn’t happen anymore, bad thoughts swirling in his mind that he’s suffocating all of them, that he’s bothering them and they don’t want to speak up about it and drive him away further. 

‘It’s suffocating’ plays on repeat in his mind until he puts his headphones back on and throws himself back into a project.

He feels lonelier than he’s ever dropped to, but the silence is comforting. He’d take his before he’d ever stay back with the guys and have to see Jinyoung all over everyone but him. 

Inwardly, he wonders if there’s something wrong with him, something gross enough to make Jinyoung feel like that. 

He’s trying to give him the space he wants, he really is. 

That’s why when Jinyoung asks one morning if he wants to go grab coffee together he shakes his head and politely declines, nearly throwing himself out the room and not being able to breathe until he gets back to his bedroom.

He doesn’t want pity offers. 

Eventually though, things always seem to get worse.

At first it’s just that he feels a bit more tired than usual, nowadays he always seems in a constant state of exhaustion, even if it’s just lingering a tiny bit in him, but this time it’s more than he’s used to. So, in his usual habit, he ignores it. 

Then it moves onto getting headaches when he looks at a screen for more than ten minutes, and that sets off small alarms, but nothing major. His hyung disagrees when he finds out, but it’s nothing he can’t handle. 

When it gets to the point where he gets dizzy wearing headphones he’s finally willing to admit he might be sick. No, he’s definitely horribly sick.

It’s like once he acknowledges it the sickness hits full force, slapping him with a nasty cough.

He doesn’t tell the other members, they can see he isn’t feeling well, but even with it having been a few weeks since the incident he doesn’t want to bother them with it just in case.

His hyung at the studio, though… You’d think he is dying from how much he begins to take care of Jaebum since he hadn’t been doing it himself. 

But it’s not that bad. It’s actually becoming addicting again for him; the human interaction in general. 

“I know I keep saying it but thank you for the rides home, hyung.” Jaebum says with a soft smile, a giggle escaping him when he gets out of the car to open Jaebum’s door for him. 

“You know you don’t have to thank me, I just want to make sure you’re alright.” He says with a gentle, fond smile and Jaebum melts into his words. 

He knows what he must look like, he has to look like such a dopey lovesick idiot. He doesn’t have any sort of romantic feelings for him, but fuck if he doesn’t make Jaebum completely at ease. It’s more obvious now how easily Jaebum hangs off his words, but maybe he’s just been touch starving himself and he’s desperate for any kind of attention. 

“I’ll be okay, I’ve gone through worse.” He tries to deflect, but it’s shut down so easily that he doesn’t have it in him right now to try again. 

“You shouldn’t be used to feeling so down, you know.” He states and Jaebum feels his palm rest against his cheek comfortingly. He leans into it immediately, looking up at his hyung like he personally hung the stars in the sky just for Jaebum.

“I’ll do better.” He says without thinking, his mind on autopilot ever since he’d started coughing again today.

“That’s it. Now, you should get inside and get some sleep.” He says as he lets his hand fall and Jaebum tries his best to not pout when the touch is gone. “Don’t come in before noon, I’ll kick you back out personally.” 

Jaebum feels a laugh bubble in his chest, it comes out still not at it’s usual volume, but it’s something.

They say their goodbyes moments later and Jaebum slips out of the car, making sure he has everything in his pockets before waving to him one last time as he pulls away to head home too.

The door closes quietly behind him and he can still feel the giddy smile lingering on his face. He needs to go grab a water bottle before he goes to his room, he hasn’t drank much today and needs to take some over the counter cough medicine. 

When he enters the kitchen though, he wishes he’d just gone to bed. 

There, at the table seemingly waiting for him, is Jinyoung.

Jaebum feels terror rise up in him and it’s quiet between them for a long moment before Jinyoung finally speaks up first.

“You missed movie night.” Jinyoung says sharply, making Jaebum inwardly flinch. He doesn’t like the tone of his voice right now, it makes him feel like he’s done something wrong all over again.

“I got busy and-” He tries to justify, but he’s cut off with a fit of coughs. 

He didn’t even know it was movie night; when did they change it from Wednesday to Friday?

“I got busy and lost track of time.” He finishes this time, wanting nothing more than to flee to his room and just hit the bed and be out cold for the coming hours. He really doesn’t have much energy with being sick, so being confronted tonight is a horrible turn of events. He doesn’t know how much he can disguise. 

“You’ve been busy with him.” Jinyoung corrects, and it feels like a slap across the face. Did he mean… his hyung that just dropped him off? Is that who he’s talking about? Why is that a problem?

“I’ve been busy in the studio.” He tries to correct, but Jinyoung is having none of it and stands slowly from the kitchen chair he’d been sitting in. 

“What does he have that none of us have? He can’t be that amazing.” Jinyoung bites back and this time it actually hurts. 

“He’s just been helping me out. He just drove me home tonight Jinyoung, I don’t understand why that’s a huge problem?”

Jinyoung looks unbelievably frustrated, opening and closing his mouth a few times before he finds the words he wants. “You’ve been avoiding us, you somehow replaced all of us with him I guess.” He grits out, and he sounds angry. It makes panic rise up in Jaebum at an alarming rate. 

“What… I could never replace you?” All of you, dipshit, you should have said all of you, what if it makes him uncomfortable again-

“But you have.” Jinyoung nearly yells, making Jaebum visibly flinch this time. “You’re always gone now- what the fuck are we supposed to do without our leader around? Even when you are you’re not all there and barely even speak!”

Jaebum is rendered silent again at the outburst, and it takes a few seconds before  his brain fully takes in what was just yelled at him. 

A guilty, ugly dread hits him in the next moment. 

He fucked up again. Someway, somehow, he’s upset Jinyoung again even though he wasn’t even here to do it. 

Jaebum just stares at him until he can feel himself crumbling again, the small progress he’d made over the past weeks to build back up his confidence in himself is just taken out with one small blow. 

Then he turns and he does rush away this time like he couldn’t before. He can’t handle this, not when he doesn’t have the energy to attempt to defend himself even if he wanted to at the moment. 

Jaebum is halfway to his room before Jinyoung is moving too, chasing after him. In his panic he gets to his bedroom and slams the door, locking it in the same motion with shaking hands.

The footsteps slow and come to a stop at his door. It’s silent for a moment before Jaebum faintly hears a sigh from the other side and Jinyoung’s shadow from the hallway leaves from the crack under the door. 

It takes a matter of seconds before he’s falling completely apart again, tears flowing from his eyes as he slides down the door. 

All he wants at this point is to go back to the start and redo everything. Every touch, every embrace, every lingering stare; he wants to erase it from existence. 

He should have known Jinyoung would catch on eventually.

Sometime in the night he must have knocked out cold, because when he wakes up he’s still leaned against the door and his back is killing him along with his throat. 

He manages to take in one breath before he’s sent into a violent coughing fit, holding his sides as it wracks through his entire body. He’s getting worse, he needs to go to the doctor before he gets other people sick too.

Light footsteps echo down the hall and stop in front of his door. He doesn’t move, he doesn’t honestly have the energy to fly back to his bed and act asleep. 

“Jaebum..?”

It’s Mark, he can just barely hear his quiet morning voice through the door. 

“I cooked breakfast, there’s a plate for you covered in the fridge.” 

Jaebum blanks at that, surprised beyond his sleepy and hazy comprehension. He didn’t expect anyone to save him anything, they hadn’t questioned it when he said not to leave him anything unless they see that he’s staying in for the day. 

But… Mark set some aside for him for some reason.

Maybe… he’ll go out of his room soon. 

He doesn’t know why Mark did it, but this is something he realizes abruptly that he needs after last night. He really just needs someone to be around right now, and he guesses the universe took pity on him and gave him a lifeline. 

The footsteps trail away without waiting for an answer, and Jaebum lets his head fall back against his bedroom door with a muted thunk.

Maybe he’ll stay home today after all.

He changes out of his jeans and into more comfortable clothes before he even unlocks his door. 

It’s been a long while since he actually was around for meals, so he’s obviously hesitant to do this. 

Mark is the only one in the kitchen thankfully. When Jaebum pads into the kitchen he looks up and then gives him a soft, welcoming smile. 

“I just put your food in the fridge, it shouldn’t be cold yet.” Mark says before popping another bite of pancakes into his mouth. 

He doesn’t make a big deal of Jaebum actually appearing in their home for the first time in a long time, and he’s thankful of that. 

After grabbing his plate he sits across from Mark awkwardly. It’s robotic, the way he begins eating, but eventually he starts to relax and his jerky movements become more natural. 

“I heard Jinyoung yelling last night, he’s been…” Mark begins but trails off, taking a quick glance at the entrance of the kitchen before continuing. “He’s been lost since you started staying at your studio. He’s so temperamental to everyone right now, he’s just so angry and upset and won’t talk to anyone about it.” 

Jaebum is stunned at that, but he tries to digest it the best he can. Jinyoung is… acting like that to everyone? Why? Isn’t his problem just with Jaebum?

“Something just, he just flipped like a switch one day when Jackson brought up seeing you getting dropped off by someone from your studio. It was like he finally cracked.”

“It can’t be because of me, we’re not… we’re not like that anymore.” Jaebum tries to reason, but Mark stills completely and watches him for a moment before dropping his fork to his plate and giving him a bewildered look. 

“What the fuck do you mean? You two are inseparable, it’s always been like that.” Mark says warrily, probably starting to catch onto the fact that something more is happening here.

“People change. I got too attached I guess, too clingy.” He nearly spits out that stupid word, the one that’s been haunting him for a month now. 

“You-” Mark begins before something clicks in his mind. “Oh my god, the fans weren’t lying when they said you looked hurt by what he said.” 

“I’m working on changing, you don’t have to rub it in.” He says quietly, popping the last bite in his mouth before getting up, wanting to remove himself from the situation before the wound is ripped open yet again. 

“Jaebum, you need to talk to him-”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll be fine.” He gets out somehow, cutting off whatever bullshit Mark was going to try and plant in his mind. 

“Jaebum-”

“Thank you for the breakfast, Mark.” He says before dropping his plate in the sink to wash later and gives him a tight smile before disappearing back to his room. 

There’s no way Jaebum is going to talk to Jinyoung about this, he doesn’t think he can handle hearing those words twice in his lifetime. 

‘God you’re so clingy, it’s suffocating.’

Maybe he was right.

Giving Jinyoung space and stopping touching him is hard, but forcing himself to fall out of love with him is proving to be hell on earth.

He barely has ten minutes before someone is knocking on his door, pulling him out of the cute video he was trying to distract himself with. Jaebum has half the mind to ignore it, but after a pause and no response, they knock again and he knows he’s not getting out of this one easily.

“Come in.” He calls, proud that his voice doesn’t crack like it threatened to.

He watches from where he’s on his bed with his back leaning against the wall as the doorknob turns. As soon as the person comes into view though, he’s regretting not locking himself in again.

“I didn’t mean it.” Jinyoung immediately blurts out, closing the door quickly as if Jaebum is going to somehow bolt out behind him. “I didn’t mean it- I wasn’t serious! It was just a jab for the show!” 

Jaebum stares at him in disbelief as Jinyoung walks closer, sitting down on the bed and moving up to be beside him. 

“I’ve missed you, you’re not clingy, I promise. I didn’t think you’d take it so seriously.” Jinyoung says, instinctively reaching for him but stopping himself as Jaebum’s eyes widen and shoot down to stare at the hand in shock. “Why did you replace me with him?” Jinyoung asks in a quiet voice, almost too quiet for him to hear at all.

His heart thrums painfully at that question. “I didn’t.” He responds softly, his eyes drawing back up to meet Jinyoung’s again. 

“You let him drive you home everyday but wouldn’t even hear me out when I asked you on a date. You wouldn’t even look at me, much less touch me.” Jinyoung says, and that when Jaebum finally begins to hear the hurt leaking into Jinyoung’s voice. 

“You said I was suffocating and I-... I was scared you’d hate me more if I kept coming to you for comfort.” He breathes out, feeling that wound abruptly rip open.

“No! I love it when you come to me, it’s nice to be the one you come to first.” Jinyoung rushes out again. “If you’d rather go to him now I can… I can try to get used to it if that’s what you really want.”

Jaebum’s mind blanks when he says that last part, not believing his ears for a long moment. “I’m not dating him, I’m just sick and he started taking care of me.”

“You’re sick?!” Jinyoung fusses, immediately raising the back of his hand to Jaebum’s forehead and feeling for a fever, looking like he’s going to have a heart attack when he finds Jaebum mildly warm, too warm compared to normal but not a high fever yet. “You need to go to a doctor!”

When Jinyoung’s hand touches Jaebum though, it makes his mind flip like a TV channel to complete static, all of his thoughts leaning him from the small, simple touch. 

“It’s just a cough.” He murmurs quietly, playing down how intensely sick he actually might be getting. 

“Is that any better?” Jinyoung counters, hesitating for a moment before taking his hand away and mentally Jaebum feels like crying because the touch is gone so quickly. “Fuck… c’mere, you get cold when you get sick.” He urges, opening his arms and Jaebums eyes widen again in shock that this is even happening, that Jinyoung is offering, but he’s not stupid enough to pass any chance up. Now when he’s been touch starved for the past month. 

Jaebum doesn’t think, he doesn’t have to, and he slots himself against Jinyoung’s side, burying his face against his shoulder but not wrapping his arms around Jinyoung and practically clinging to him like he used to. He’s still too scared to do that, even if he’s trusting Jinyoung in his moment enough to believe just this touching won’t set him off again. 

“You have no idea how worried I’ve been about you.” Jinyoung says, his voice just barely a whisper as he wraps his arms securely around Jaebum and pulls him closer, pressing their sides flush together. “I’m sorry for making you think you were wrong, I didn’t mean to.” 

Jaebum feels one of Jinyoung’s hands touch his own before moving Jaebum’s arm to wrap around him, urging him to do whatever he needs to get comfort right now. “It’s okay, if you say you didn’t intend for that to happen I’ll believe you.”

“You’re too forgiving for your own good.” 

Maybe he is, but it’s worth how all of the nerves in his body light up at the feeling of Jinyoung against him again. 

Jaebum doesn’t forget what he’d heard, though. 

Not that he’s clingy, he’s already put that behind him in the next few days, but that Jinyoung had sounded jealous and said he’d asked him on a date. 

Jaebum has no idea when that happened, but apparently it did. 

He knows for a fact that if Jinyoung asked him out he’d probably trip over himself to say yes, so… when did Jinyoung get the idea he’d rejected him..?

Gradually, day by day, he starts spending more time at home with everyone. 

Everytime he comes back early Jinyoung is lighting up, smiling so brightly at him that it takes Jaebum’s breath away. 

Jinyoung tends to glue himself to Jaebum’s side when on nights or the rare afternoons like that. He’s so touchy, and even on movie night he tried to keep Jaebum’s attention on him rather than the movie. 

He succeeded. 

Jaebum is weak for him. 

“Hyung..?” 

Jaebum looks up from where he’d been lying on his bed scrolling through social media. Jinyoung pops his head into the room, looking at him with the most pleading look.

“Can I sleep in here with you tonight? I haven’t got to see you in a few days.” 

Two. Jinyoung hasn’t seen him in two days, it’s not like he’s been gone forever.

Jaebum can feel his defences fully cracking at Jinyoung staring at him like that.

“Please..?” He asks in a soft voice, and it obliterates any chance Jaebum had of saving himself from the situation. 

“Yeah, sure.” Jaebum breathes out, not being able to look away when a bright, triumphant grin spreads onto Jinyoung’s lips and he slips into the room quietly. 

“Well, are you going to move over?” Jinyoung asks with a laugh in his voice, snapping Jaebum out of his mind. He didn’t even notice Jinyoung get over here. 

Jaebum moves closer to the wall, nearly dropping his phone on his face in the process. 

Jinyoung climbs in so naturally like it’s his bed, slipping under the blanket and reaching out for Jaebum. 

No matter how much Jinyoung does this type of thing, shows this blatant display of affection with Jaebum, he can’t get used to it after what happened. It blindsides him every single time. 

“Come here, it’ll be more comfortable.” He urges and Jaebum wants to argue that it will not , it’ll make Jaebum’s heart race faster and he’ll never fall asleep at this rate. 

Jinyoung lets Jaebum crowd into his space, welcoming his body heat happily as Jaebum throws a leg over his waist and settles halfway onto him, tucking his face against Jinyoung’s neck. 

He nearly melts into a puddle when Jinyoung’s arms wind around his middle securely, holding him tightly pressed against him. 

Jaebum can hear him yawn, but he’s so floaty and sleepy that he’s already drifting off. 

The last thing he registers is one of Jinyoung’s hands rubbing his back soothingly.

Nothing between them changes after that, much to Jaebum’s dismay. 

Jinyoung still crowds against him every chance he gets- wait, so maybe something has changed. He does it all the time now, where as before he’d do it only when the others were distracted. 

Jaebum isn’t complaining though, he loves having Jinyoung’s attention like this, he thrives in it. 

The next movie night that comes up he barely gets to, just entering their home as they’re pressing play. 

He murmurs out soft apologies, telling everyone he got caught up talking to one of his hyungs before he’s sitting down next to Jinyoung on the sofa. 

Immediately, Jinyoung’s arm winds around his shoulders and pulls him close, earning a surprised quiet noise from Jaebum. He doesn’t complain though, he just scoots closer and leans against his chest, a grin growing on his lips. 

“What are you grinning about?” Jinyoung’s voice is alarmingly close, his breath hits his ear and Jaebum nearly jumps out of his skin. 

He elbows him lightly and throws him an accusing look, but he can’t suppress the grin growing on his lips as they lock eyes. 

“I like being in your arms.” He mumbles, and that draws out a change in Jinyoung the moment it leaves Jaebum’s lips. 

It seems to render Jinyoung’s teasing null and he turns back to the movie with a soft huff.

Jaebum - 1, Jinyoung-... well, Jinyoung - Everything Else.

When Jinyoung tags along one afternoon to the studio that’s when he really notices the difference. 

As soon as they step foot into the building Jinyoung has a hand on his outside hip.

It’s not glaringly obvious to anyone who glances at them on the way to the room, but it is to Jaebum.  

It feels possessive.

He shrugs it off the best he can once they get inside, plopping down in his chair and not thinking much of it when Jinyoung pulls up the spare one right next to him. He doesn’t have to when they fall into a comfortable  silence, the only sound echoing from his headphones and the keys and mouse resting on the desk. 

Jinyoung slowly inches towards him over the next period of time, eventually pressing their chairs together and leaning his cheek against his shoulder. 

Gradually Jaebum begins to lose track of time like he usually does, falling into a productive rhythm. He doesn’t realize how much time actually passes until his hyung pops in like he usually does when they’re about to head home.

It takes a second for the movement to catch his attention and when it does his eyes go wide and he has to blink and readjust his eyes before he actually recognizes who’s coming in the door. 

“Hi hyung.” He says quietly as he reaches up with his free hand to move one headphone off of his ear. 

“It’s nearly ten, you should start packing up.” He says with a gentle smile, glancing over at Jinyoung curiously but thankfully not commenting on him being here tonight. 

“Ah, I will. I lost track of time again.” Jaebum gives him a sheepish smile, leaning back in his chair. “I’ll head home soon, you can go ahead. We’ll-…” His brain stutters when he looks over and sees Jinyoung completely asleep against his arm. “We’ll head home together.” 

He looks back and forth from him to Jinyoung with a playful smile, raising an eyebrow teasingly and Jaebum immediately shakes his head, his cheeks tinting a light red at the unspoken implication lingering in the air. “Alright. Let me know if you want a ride tomorrow, Jaebum.” He says, giving him one last smile before dipping back out of the room, leaving the two of them alone again. 

Jabeum does what he said he would, finishing up a few last fixes before closing the programs and shutting everything down for the night. 

“Jinyoung..?” He speaks out, taking his headphones fully off and setting them down. “Wake up, we’re heading home now.” He urges, his voice gentle so he doesn’t startle him out of sleep abruptly.

Jinyoung hums softly, but he isn’t making any move to let Jaebum’s shoulder go.

“C’mon, you can lay on me when you get home.” He offers, not fully serious and not expecting it to work in any sort, but it gets Jinyoung’s attention. 

“You promise?” He asks, still not moving but he’s at least awake now. 

“Yeah, I promise. Now let’s get going before you fall asleep on me again.” He urges and the response is immediate, Jinyoung sits up and stretches with a small yawn, blinking away the sleep from his eyes before looking at Jaebum expectantly. 

He ends up with an armful of Jinyoung clinging to him as soon as they get to his room, and as soon as they lay down Jinyoung is latching onto him like an octopus. 

He can’t find it in himself to complain, even though after a little over a minute passes he’s snoring right into Jaebum’s ear. 

A month goes by with Jinyoung slowly becoming a regular sight at the studio, lounging around carelessly, just seemingly content here even if it’s only the fact that he’s in Jaebum’s company. 

“When you said you’d bring a drink I didn’t expect you meant for both of us.” Jaebum laughs as soon as Jinyoung opens the door and quickly locks it behind himself so no trouble can come from anyone walking in. 

“I’m not drinking alone.” Jinyoung rolls his eyes, carrying the two wine bottles into the room and setting them on the desk in front of Jaebum with two cups beside them. “You need to relax, you’ve been stressing from this song for days now.” Jinyoung insists, picking up one of the bottles and popping it open with ease. 

It’s grossly hot when Jinyoung brings the bottle up to his lips and drinks right out of it, but Jaebum can’t take his eyes away and Jinyoung seems to pick up on it much to his embarrassment. 

When the bottle leaves his lips his tongue darts out and Jaebum feels like a heart attack would be less jarring. 

“I’m not going to get anything done if you’re here, much less if I’m drinking.” He nearly whines, turning his chair so that he’s fully facing Jinyoung and tilting his head to one side with a small pout. 

“Loosen up, ‘Beom.” Jinyoung says in a tone that dips into something dangerously fond, pulling up his chair and scooting closer until their legs are in between each other, sitting facing each other. 

Before he can move his leg to push him back again Jinyoung brings the bottle up to Jaebum’s lips, making his mind stop fully with a comical record scratch moment. 

It takes him a few seconds to recover before he’s parting his lips and Jinyoung grins brightly, knowing he’s won and tipping the bottle up so that the wine can pour into his mouth. 

It’s dangerous, so so dangerous but it’s also already addicting. 

The wine flows easily into his mouth, and he feels like he’s drowning from the way Jinyoung is watching him. 

One sip turns into two, two turns into five, and before he knows it he’s walking the line between falling into wine drunk territory and staying tipsy and giggly. 

“You know, we’ve done everything but kiss at this point.” Jaebum comments, the wine finally getting to his head, but he couldn’t have expected what he hears leave Jinyoung’s lips next. 

“Well, do you want to try it?” He offers like it’s nothing, leaning closer and staring him down. 

He really should say no, politely decline and laugh it off because he wasn’t even fully serious in the first place, just joking around in the light hearted mood. 

But then his mind argues that this might be the only chance he ever gets, and he caves in milliseconds. 

He nods, and Jinyoung gets an almost predatory grin on his lips. 

“Sit back.” He says, pushing his own chair back and Jaebum’s mind can’t keep up as fast as Jinyoung is moving. 

“What..?” He mutters out, but Jinyoung’s hands plant on his shoulders, pushing him back against the back of the chair before he’s suddenly climbing onto his lap.

“Sit back and just trust me.” Jinyoung says, the grin never fading in the slightest. 

“Okay.” His voice is small this time, not knowing what’s happening right now other than Jinyoung is straddling his thighs and looks ready to eat him alive. 

He watches in hazy nerves as Jinyoung gets comfortable before he’s suddenly leaning in and in the next second he’s a millimeter away from Jaebum. 

He gets one last second surge of fear but there’s nowhere near enough time for him to act on it, Jinyoung’s lips are pressing clumsily against his own.

He’s pretty sure his heart is one second away from beating out of his chest, but his mind is only barely able to comprehend the fact that Jinyoung’s lips are on his and he must move on autopilot because before he can realize it he’s kissing back. 

It feels like heaven on earth to get a taste of Jinyoung like this, one he never honestly let himself even dream of. 

His lips are so damn soft and he’s kissing Jaebum like they’re horny teenagers. It makes Jaebum’s head spin, his hands settling on Jinyoung’s hips just to ground himself because fuck Jinyoung has got him feeling light headed just from this. 

One of Jinyoung’s hands make their way into his hair before they grab and pull enough to tip his head back, Jinyoung chasing his lips to the new angle and jaebum lets out an embarrassing moan as soon as Jinyoung’s tounge makes its way into his mouth.

It doesn’t last long, with both of them tipsy neither of them can really breathe and need to separate. 

As soon as Jinyoung’s lips leave his it’s like he comes crashing back into reality, the world resuming around them and Jaebum can feel the panic building up inside of him. 

“We can kiss too if you want.” Jinyoung speaks, his voice breathy from the lack of air, and it gets Jaebum to open his eyes. 

It’s a mistake the second he does.

He knows he’s gotten a taste of something he can’t have, something he desperately wants but it’s just barely out of reach. He was content with just platonic affection, he really was; but now he’s felt what Jinyoung’s lips feel like on his own and it’ll be burned into his mind until the day he dies. 

“That’s… We’re friends.” Jaebum tries to reason, so scare of false hope tricking him, but when Jinyoung sends him a confused look he slowly realizes there might be something on Jinyoung’s mind too. 

“We both know we’re not just friends, Jaebum.” Jinyoung says, dead serious but the small slur in a word makes it more comfortable. “I’ve… I’ve wanted to kiss you for like, ever.” Jinyoung rambles, dropping his weight against Jaebum and tucking his face into his neck with a small huff.

“What?” His mind is spinning again, but for a different reason now. Jinyoung wouldn’t lie about something like this, he’s not the type of person to even when he’s tipsy and not thinking clearly. 

“I really like you, choose me over him.” Jinyoung mumbles against his neck and at least that’s straight forward enough for Jaebum’s mind to process.

“You like me?” He squeaks out, alarmed at the sudden carefree confession, but at least with it the lump in his throat from his internal panic is disappearing.

Jinyoung makes a noise in conformation, moving around still and trying to get comfortable. “Choose me.” 

It finally clicks in his mind what’s been happening all this time: the way Jinyoung got moody towards everyone, the way he blew up at Jaebum after probably having seen his hyung babying him, the panic he had when he found out what Jaebum thought had happened between them. It also explains why he’s been getting more and more touchy and trying to keep all of his attention. 

“You like me like… romantically?” He breathes out, his head spinning but he’s slowly feeling all of this settle into his mind. 

Jinyoung makes another positive noise seemingly finding the most comfortable spot and fully melting against him. “Mhm, always been you.” 

Fuck.

“I brought the wine tonight… to confess.” Jinyoung continues after a second, completely content to just blanket his body over Jaebum’s for now. “It didn’t work out obviously.” He snorts and the slur in a few of his words takes the edge off of the heaviness surrounding Jaebum right now. 

Jaebum lets out a soft ‘oh’ in realization, his brain finally speeding up to real time. 

Jinyoung has feelings for him.

He doesn’t admit anything for himself, he doesn’t have to right now because Jinyoung seems content in just staying like this for a while. 

Jaebum is too, so it remains unspoken.

He’s tipsy- they’re tipsy, it can wait until morning.

Hopefully he’ll have his words back fully then, and hopefully Jinyoung will remember.

Jaebum wakes up to something moving underneath him.

At first he doesn’t even question it, he just tucks his body closer to the warmth and begins to doze back off easily. Then, something moves around his waist, getting his foggy mind to at least ask what the hell that was.

When he begins moving he quickly realizes it’s not something under him, it’s someone.

That finally prompts him to wake up just enough to open up his eyes, and what he sees isn’t an unfamiliar sight, but it’s still jarring every time he sees it. 

Jinyoung is under him, holding him tightly as if he’s trying to keep Jaebum from moving even an inch away. 

He isn’t sure when they both fell asleep, but he sure as hell doesn’t remember moving to the small couch. 

He’s in the middle of trying to figure out what the hell happened last night when Jinyoung stirs a for a few seconds before his eyes crack open, hazily finding Jaebum and giving him a sweet smile as soon as he does. 

“Hey.” He murmurs, and as soon as Jinyoung speaks he smells the wine and it all comes flooding back to him. 

Jinyoung coming to hang out, the wine, the kiss.

“Hey…” He breathes out, feeling himself fully wake up as soon as his mind pieces things together.

One thought sticks out in his mind though, and it comes out before he can stop it. 

“When did you ask me out?” He asks, his brain too foggy from sleep to stop himself like he usually would. 

Jinyoung looks at him like he grew a second head, taking a moment to realize Jaebum is seriously asking before he finally replies. 

“Remember that morning when you came into the kitchen and it was just us two home? I asked you if you wanted to go on a coffee date and you completely shut me down to go see the guy at your studio.” 

Oh.

Oh no.

“You never said date!” Jaebum squeaks out, sitting up abruptly. “I would have ditched him to go on a date with you!”

“What did you think it was? We never go for coffee.” Jinyoung sounds shocked still, but he’s starting to suppress a laugh, his eyes crinkling at the edges. 

“I thought- Don’t laugh at me! I thought you hated me! Why would I think you’d ever ask me on a date?” Jaebum fusses, his cheeks lighting up a bright red. 

“Hated you? Jaebum, I love you.” Jinyoung seems to slip up in that moment, saying something he didn’t mean to and both of their eyes widen in shock. 

It’s dead silent in the room for a minute, neither one daring to speak up after that admission. 

“If you don’t feel the same way, just forget that happened.” Jinyoung says in a tiny voice, making Jaebum’s brain hum back to life. 

“Why did you call me clingy then?” Jaebum shoots back, his mind a jumbled mess right now as he attempts to process what was just said. 

“I’ve told you that I didn’t mean it, I was joking.” He insists, and this time, looking directly at him, he believes Jinyoung. 

“Wait…” He breathes out, finally regaining his footing in the conversation. “So you… love me?” He asks and Jinyoung nods hesitantly. “Like, romantically?”

“Yeah, but still if you don’t return it that’s okay. I don’t expect you-”

“Shut up shut up, I do.” He rushes out, feeling light headed from the realization. 

“You do what?” Jinyoung asks, clearly caught off guard.

“Love you.”

It’s crickets for a few seconds before Jinyoung lets out a heavy breath, tipping his head back against the pillows. 

“I can’t believe I danced around telling you for years for you to just say it back that easily.” Jinyoung says with a soft chuckle laced in his voice.

“ Years?” Jaebum squeaks out again, being thrown for the second loop. 

“I’ve had feelings for you since 2016.” 

The sound he makes is inhuman, but that’s the only response his brain gives. 

“I’m guessing that’s a good sign?” Jinyoung asks, full on laughing at Jaebum’s reaction. 

“You’re guessing?”

Jinyoung busts out laughing again, and Jaebum figures this might not be horrible after all. 

They don’t tell the other guys, they don’t have to because the same day they get together they’re caught while Jinyoung is leaning into him, both of them laughing loudly before Jinyoung is leaning in and stealing a quick kiss. 

“I knew it!” Yugyeom exclaims loudly and it makes both of them jump, not pulling apart but still getting scared enough to look to him wide eyed. “You two finally made up!”

“I guess we did.” Jinyoung murmurs, turning back to Jaebum and stealing another kiss just to toy with him. 

It’s not too bad at all.