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Laura was exhausted, but she couldn’t sleep. She sat at her desk, staring at her computer. Her Lit midterm document shone bright on the screen. It was about half-completed, and Laura was trying to distract herself by working on it.
Perry had offered to stay and keep Laura company after Carmilla left. Laura declined. Perry had offered to move LaF to Carmilla’s bed so Laura could get some sleep. Laura said she wasn’t tired. Except that she was, and Perry knew it. In the end, Perry decided to leave Laura be, and she dragged LaF back to her room with the promise of a party there.
Laura watched them go, and her heart sank to her stomach. This was all her fault. LaF, Danny, Kirsch, Carmilla… They’re all trying to protect her. Keep her safe. But she doesn’t feel safe. No one is safe.
She found herself sitting at her desk, hours later, completely zoned out. Her paper wasn’t getting done. Instead, her mind played through the video of her possession by the Dean over and over, trying to dissect every little detail until she couldn’t take it anymore. She finally collapsed in tears, allowing herself to show emotion for the first time since she saw the video of Carmilla’s betrayal. Tears turned into sobs, which turned quickly into stomach wrenching heaving breaths. Laura fled into the bathroom and heaved until she became sick.
Laura lay on the bathroom floor next to the toilet, trying to calm down. She looked around the bathroom. Perry had tidied up while she was there, but there were still discernible traces of the vampire left. Carmilla’s towel. Her hairbrush. The clothes in her hamper. Her glass of blood waiting to be washed. Laura began to feel sick again, remember what she saw her possessed self do with that glass of blood. So she ralphed for another few minutes until her body felt sore and her mind felt numb.
She washed her face with cold water, pulled her hair back in a ponytail, and stared at her reflection. Her face looked ten years older than she remembered. All the stress, the worry, and perhaps even some residual effect of the possession taking its toll.
Once she crawled into bed, the exhaustion from the days events finally caught up to her. She was too tired to care that her yellow pillow still smelled of the girl--woman--300-some-year-old vampire she was so upset over. She clutched at her pillow and curled up to face the wall, finally closing her eyes and sucumbing to a restless sleep.
--
Laura awoke with a start. A low growl reverberated in her room which was illuminated from a strange red light emanating from her window. Laura sat up, scanned the room, but couldn’t see or detect anything. She couldn’t figure out where the growl was coming from. She stood, checked the bathroom--nothing, checked Carmilla’s area--nothing, checked the hallway--nothing, and finally looked out the window. There, below her window and illuminated in a red light coming from somewhere Laura couldn’t determine, was the figure of a large, black cat, like a panther, pacing back and forth. The animal would pace, then pause, look around the campus, seeming to scan for signs of a threat, and then go back to pacing.
Laura watched, fascinated by this animal. It’s actions almost calming to her. And then she saw it in the distance, the red, blood-like glow turning into hundreds of bodies, and those bodies were marching across campus towards her. Laura wanted to hide, but her feet were stuck to the floor. She couldn’t move. And the hoard was advancing at an inhuman pace.
The cat below stood its ground. It faced the hoard and crouched low, ready to strike. A few moments later, with the hoard almost to Laura’s dorm doorsteps, the cat pounced, ripping and tearing through the bodies. Laura couldn’t look away. The red glow grew to illuminate the whole yard in front of her dorm. The carnage mounted as the hoard surrounded the cat, battling it on all sides, but the cat fought on.
Laura blinked and time seemed to skip ahead. Bodies lay on the ground below her window. The black cat stood victorious. It prowled around the bodies, checking for any survivors. Once it was satisfied, it sat back and licked it’s front paws, cleaning off the blood. And then it looked up at Laura. Those eyes. It struck Laura that she knew those eyes.
Quietly, in the back of her mind, Laura began to hear whispers from a low, raspy, familiar voice.
I did it for you, cupcake.
Laura gasped. It was her. The animal below continued to stare at Laura.
I know you don’t understand. I know you probably won’t forgive me for all this, but I did it to protect you. I will always protect you.
“Carm…” Laura breathed out.
She wants you. My mother. She’ll come for you. I can’t let her take you. I’ll do anything to keep her from you. I’ll do anything to keep you safe, even if it means sacrificing others.
“You can’t…”
I already have, sweetheart. It was him or you. I chose you. You can hate me for that choice, but it was mine to make. I have to live with that, but at least you’re alive.
Laura watched as the animal below turned away, took a few steps, and then looked back at Laura in the window.
I’m not running away again. I’m here, protecting you. Even if you push me away, I will never leave you. I love you, Laura.
The animal turned back to look out over the campus, standing guard.
--
Laura awoke in her bed for real. She sighed and rubbed her eyes, waiting for her heart to stop pounding. It was a dream, just a dream. The cat, the bodies, the voice…
She stood from her bed and looked at the window, the effects of the dream still pulling at her. The low light of dawn cast early morning shadows in her room. And she couldn’t shake the images from her mind, and that voice…
Slowly, hesitantly, Laura approached the window, almost scared of what she would see below. She scanned the scene outside. The campus looked normal. There was a light dusting of snow on the ground. And there below her window, almost in the exact spot from her dream, a dark figure sat on a bench facing away from her dorm. Laura recognized the figure instantly, the black coat, the long dark hair. Her heart pounded as she remembered the images from her dream, the cat, the blood, the voice…
“Oh, Carm…” Laura whispered.
Almost as if she could hear her, Carmilla turned from her bench to look up at Laura in her room. Despite being on the second floor, Laura could see the pain in Carmilla’s eyes. And just as quickly as she turned to look, Carmilla turned back to face the campus.
Laura stepped back from the window, trying to figure out what to do now. Carmilla was trying to prove herself, that much was clear. It seemed she wasn’t going to move from that spot. Laura sighed and tried to push the idea of the brunette vampire standing guard out of her mind.
Laura laid back down in her bed, but couldn’t fall back asleep. After tossing and turning for an hour, the morning light shone full force in her window. Laura decided to get up and at least take a shower. She padded to the bathroom and took a scalding hot shower to try and wash off the feeling of sickness from the previous night. She scrubbed and scrubbed and stood under the prickling torrent of water for almost an hour until the water turned cold.
When she emerged from the steamy bathroom, she dressed in her warmest pair of sweatpants and her favorite comfy sweater. She grabbed some cereal and almond milk, real almond milk, and tried to eat it. She couldn’t eat much. As she was putting the milk back in the fridge, she glanced out the window, and saw Carmilla, still sitting vigil.
“Go away. Just please go away,” Laura whispered to herself, not wanting to deal with the vampire anymore.
No.
“Goddamnit Carmilla,” Laura yelled, getting frustrated by her roommate’s behavior. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t.”
Carmilla didn’t move, didn’t react.
“GO AWAY!” Laura screamed, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks again.
I won’t leave you.
“Why?” Laura sobbed.
Because I love you.
Laura choked back a sob. Carmilla said the words, or at least in her mind, the words she’d been longing to hear for quite some time now. Laura knew how she felt about Carmilla, her devastating crush that had turned into something much more. And she knew Carmilla cared for her, but love? Love had been a longing, a fantasy, a dared dream. And now apparently, love was a reality.
Laura stumbled back to sit on her bed and put her head in her hands. What was she going to do about her damn, infuriating, adorable, sweet, stupid, stubborn vampire roommate? She couldn’t in good conscience leave her outside in the cold, could she?
Laura slipped on her closest pair of shoes, grabbed her jacket and ran out of her room. As she ran downstairs, her fervent pace slowed, and by the time she reached the door outside, she was walking at a snails pace. Nervously, unsure of what exactly she was trying to accomplish by going outside, she opened the door and stepped out into the cold morning air.
She spotted Carmilla ten feet away still sitting on the bench, her back to the building. Slowly, Laura shuffled her way over and sat next to Carmilla. Neither girl made any move or acknowledgement that the other was there for quite some time.
Finally, Laura spoke. “Why are you doing this?”
“I told you, cupcake. I’m not leaving you.”
“But I asked you to go.”
“And I went. But I’m still not leaving you.”
Laura huffed. Carmilla was infuriating, and Laura was already getting cold. “Aren’t you cold?” Laura asked.
“Yes,” Carmilla replied, and then shrugged, “Vampire. I’m not bothered.”
On an impulse, Laura grabbed Carmilla’s gloveless hand. She gasped. “Your hands are freezing. God, you stupid Vampire. Come on.” Laura pulled on Carmilla’s hand and dragged her back inside the dorm. She didn’t let go of her cold hand until they were safe in their room.
“Just to be clear,” Laura said, dropping Carmilla’s hand and putting a few steps distance between them. “Me letting you back in our room does not mean I forgive you.”
“I know.”
“I’m still hurt by your betrayal. I trusted you. And you broke my trust.”
“I know.”
“And you kept it a secret from me.”
“I know.”
The air crackled with sparking tension between the roommates. Carmilla held Laura’s gaze, wanting to show Laura her strength, that she would stay and protect Laura no matter what. Even through her mistakes, her only goal was to keep her indefatigable counterpart alive and safe.
Laura dropped her eyes first. Staring at Carmilla was taking its toll on her resolve to stay mad at her gorgeous, enigmatic roommate. Yes, she was incredibly hurt by Carmilla and her actions while she was possessed. Yes, she was pained by the knowledge that Carmilla sacrificed Kirsch for her. Yes, she felt betrayed that Carmilla kept all that secret from her. But seeing Carmilla now standing her ground to protect Laura was just too much.
Laura cleared her throat, “You should go take a hot shower to warm you up.”
“Yeah,” Carmilla responded, and stepped passed Laura to the bathroom.
Once the bathroom door closed, Laura sat at her desk and opened her laptop. “God, you stupid Vampire…” she whispered to herself. “I hate how much I love you.”
I know.
“And how the fuck do you keep doing that?” exclaimed Laura, knowing that Carmilla could hear her.
Carmilla popped her head out of the bathroom door, apparently naked behind the door. “Vampire secret, cupcake,” Carmilla said with a wink.
“Ughh,” Laura grumbled into her hands once Carmilla was back in the bathroom. “Worst. Crush. Ever.”