Archive of Our Own

i.

Hyoyeon didn't know what Jessica saw in Taeyeon. She just couldn’t see what was so great about her. If she were to be honest, she actually preferred someone else for her friend—someone more mature and less... Taeyeon. But whatever, the heart wanted what the heart wanted, she guessed. And, she thought, Jessica looked so pathetic and sad that it was basically a crime not to help her out—it's in the more-than-ten-years-of-best-friendship code or something.

...Right?

ii.

The first time they met, Jessica was sitting cross-legged on the floor with her back against the wall—barefoot for some reason, Hyoyeon would realize later on—seemingly glowering at her as she passed by. So, being the sensible person that she was, she glowered right back—trying her best to look as intimidating as the other girl did. But, in the middle of their staring match, she bumped into an unfortunate co-trainee who was probably busy practicing some lame routine, making her trip and fall face first on the floor—she really should have looked at where she was going.

Oh well, there went her street cred, she had thought, sighing, but the laughter she heard next wasn't cruel at all. It actually made her think of sunshine and marshmallows—and all those annoying aegyo stuff but, for some reason, she didn't mind. Jessica helped her up, and the scary look from earlier was replaced with a sweet and welcoming smile—pretty friend, she couldn't help but think. And pretty toes.

They were inseparable after that.

–

They had only known each other for a little over a few months so, Hyoyeon would argue sometimes, it really wasn't her fault when the first thing she said after Jessica came out to her was, “You're kidding, right?”

She had seen the look of hurt that flashed across Jessica's face, of course, and the guilt that immediately overcame her that time was unbearable. She tried to apologize right away, but she was only met with the trademarked Ice Princess glare. In retaliation, Hyoyeon being who she was, she ended up saying more things without thinking.

It was their first big fight.

–

It was a good thing that both of them weren’t the type to hold grudges, and that their friendship was always stronger than the bitter words—and punches—they threw around.

“But you're not, you know, into me, right?” she said one day while she and Jessica were alone in one of the practice rooms waiting for Sooyoung—the final member of their self-assigned trio—who was out getting food for them. They were dismissed early by one of their shared trainers, but none of them had wanted to go home just yet.

“Hmm,” Jessica hummed loudly, looking deep in thought, and continued, “You're not my type. I like singers more, I guess—no offense.” She wasn't offended at all. She preferred dancers, herself—male dancers, who could, well, dance.

“What about Sooyoung?” Hyoyeon asked curiously.

“Nah, I don't think she's my type also. And honestly? You're both my best friends, I can't think of you or her in that way at all.”

“How about any of the other trainees then? See anyone you like? How about Yoona? Even I think she's pretty. She looks like an angel. Seriously.”

“She is very pretty.”

“There you go. Let's recruit her into our group.”

“Recruit? You make us sound like a cult,” Jessica replied, quirking an eyebrow, adding, “Why don't we just, I don't know, ask to be her friend? Like normal people.”

“Meh, that's too boring,” she stated, dismissing the idea with a wave of her hand, “Let's include that other dongsaeng too, the one I heard auditioned singing nursery rhymes. Joohyun, I think? Isn't that cute?”

“No, really, you're making us sound like a cult—one that preys on the younger ones.”

Hyoyeon paused for a moment, staring at Jessica who still had an eyebrow quirked and an amused expression on her face—a completely different appearance from the blank and seemingly bored look she would usually wear around others.

“That word is too strong. Think of us as...” she finally replied, trailing off as she tried to think of the perfect word—unfortunately, Jessica had always been the smart one. She shook her head—whatever—and grinned, “A club. An exclusive club.” Not exactly what she wanted to describe them as, but it was close. It would have to do.

“You're an idiot.” Hyoyeon would have been offended, but Jessica's expression exploded into a smile—dazzling and beautiful, the kind she had been seeing less and less—and really, that was all she wanted anyway—to bring out that smile and keep it in place.

(A few days after Jessica came out to her, she had asked her mom about what she knew on girls liking girls and all she received was a very stern warning, telling her never to talk about those kinds of things in public ever again. Her mom must have noticed the disgruntled look on her face because she went on to explain, “Korea's just not yet ready for that kind of... lifestyle, Hyoyeon, and as your mother, I just don't want to see you suffer. But if you like girls then...” Her eyes widened when she realized what her mom was going to say and she was quick to exclaim, “No! I like boys!” The obvious relief on her mother's face told her, at least, the most important thing she needed to know—she needed to be on Jessica's side no matter what. She didn't want to see her best friend suffer at all.)

“So...” she said after a while, clear mischief in her voice—pushing back all thoughts of her talk with her mom to the back of her mind. “Want to go prey on those innocent little children right now?”

Sooyoung blanched. She had just come back—with all their snacks already half-eaten, unsurprisingly—and she couldn't figure out what they had been talking about before she arrived. Her eyes fleeted between the two girls, looking slightly lost and alarmed. Jessica just shrugged, smiling.

–

Intimidating new recruits wasn't exactly their hobby—it was just something they enjoyed doing occasionally. Maybe. Besides, it was how Jessica and her met, so it couldn't be all that bad, right? All in good fun and friends in the end—most of the time anyway.

“No shoes inside the practice room,” she dictated, crossing her arms—doing the Unnie Pose, they would sometimes call it—trying to look and sound as menacing as outwardly possible. She noticed that the new recruit—a girl, won some dance contest or something—was already starting to sweat, casting wide-eyed glances left and right. Perfect.

“Yeah, standard operating procedure,” Jessica added, catching on. Hyoyeon smirked. Yes, good.

“O-okay...” the girl stuttered out, fidgeting and fiddling awkwardly with her shoe laces.

“Cute,” Jessica muttered beside her as the new girl started talking to herself—something about keeping calm and first impressions.

“Not now,” she hissed lowly, elbowing Jessica on the side.

“What? Look at her, she is.”

It was sort of true, she had to admit. The girl was cute—a mix somewhere between Yoona and Joohyun in terms of looks. Still, Jessica deserved another elbowing. “But keep it in your pants.”

“Hey!” Jessica replied, elbowing her right back and mumbling, “Was just stating an observation...”

Hyoyeon could see Jessica's ears turning red—omo! She's blushing!—and, fixing her gaze back to their prey, she could also see the new girl not so subtly checking Jessica out. She rolled her eyes and shook her head in amusement. Aish okay, okay, okay.

It only took about ten seconds after the girl introduced herself to the rest of the people in the practice room—she said her name was Yuri, nice, sweet and gullible Yuri—when they heard her exclaim, “Wait a minute—you're all wearing shoes!”

She and Jessica just burst out laughing after that.

–

It was a weekend and Jessica managed to drag Hyoyeon into watching some contest their company was holding that day. “It'd be fun,” Jessica had said. “Maybe there’d be hot guys!” she had continued, trying to convince her. Yeah, right. Hot guys my ass, you baby gay. She had only agreed to come when Jessica offered to do half of her homework—specifically the ones for her Math and Science classes, the useless classes—for an entire week. (She would have raised it to a month but the glare she had received when she was about to suggest it told her the deal was already final.)

The dancing part was okay, but the singing part? Not so much—she would rather be somewhere else. She really couldn't care less about people who could sing—Jessica was her only exception, of course—and singing competitions always seemed so boring to her. It was usually just slow song after slow song with a few power ballads here and there—just people trying to outsing each other while being completely boring on the stage. “Forgettable,” she would comment after every performance and Jessica would elbow her from the side, but she knew the other girl completely agreed with her each time.

Her feet were beginning to hurt—and her ears too, just a little bit—when the MC announced that they were nearing the end of the showcase with just one last performance from one of their best students. They called on a Kim Taeyeon to the stage, and a tiny girl—a really tiny girl with all her baby fat still intact and Hyoyeon wasn't sure if the girl was even supposed to be up way past her bedtime—entered from the side and shuffled into position in front of the audience.

Hyoyeon fully expected the girl to sound like, well, a whiny little baby—kind of, sort of like Jessica’s voice, but more annoying and would make her want to strangle people to death after one song. (She felt a shiver down her spine and wondered if her best friend could read minds. Just to be sure, she bombarded her own thoughts with praises for Jessica’s voice. “Uhhh I mean, Jessica, I love you! Look at you going an octave higher! I think you just broke my eardrums! Err, uhh, so cool! Who needs eardrums anyway?!”)

But this midget person—Kim Tae-whatever—actually sounded… nice. Huh. She shrugged. They should’ve just skipped over everyone else to save all of us the pain.

Hyoyeon turned to face Jessica, wanting to give out her first positive comment of the day. She was about to open her mouth to speak but stopped short because she was greeted by a sight she didn’t expect to see. What in the actual…

She saw Jessica standing beside her motionless, mouth hanging, and gawking and eyes sparkling—as if she had just been given a year’s supply of pizza, the one with the fancy cheese she liked so much, waiting to devour everything in one go. Crap.

At that moment, she honestly questioned Jessica's type.

“Her?”

–

Taeyeon was—

“Perfect! She's cute and tiny and and and—squishy! She's perfect!” Jessica exclaimed, rolling around on the floor next to her, giddy with excitement—like any girl with a crush, Hyoyeon thought.

“She's weird,” she replied, scrunching her face as she lay on her side.

“You say that about most people—including me.”

“True, but she's weirder. Plus, she laughs at fart jokes! Fart jokes,” she remarked, gesturing wildly with her hands to emphasize that particular detail and adding, “She's too immature.”

“Well, I obviously gravitate towards those kinds of people then,” Jessica replied, giving her a pointed look. She had to roll her eyes at that, which earned her a chuckle from the other girl.

“I like Yuri better. Or if you want someone younger, Yoona is perfect.”

“They're not—”

“I know, I know. Not your type. Whatever. I'm just saying they're a better fit for you, and we're already friends with them. They're more fun than that midget.”

“You're as short as her.” Hyoyeon gasped and it was Jessica's turn to roll her eyes, sighing, “And if you like them so much, go date them yourself.”

“I would, but I'm straight.”

“Oh, really? That's too bad,” Jessica deadpanned, sitting up cross-legged.

Hyoyeon shook her head, following the other girl's position and asking, “Now that we’re mentioning it, is Taeyeon even gay?”
“Are Yuri and Yoona even gay?”

“Sometimes I think they fight for your attention...” she spoke, her voice sounding a little uncertain, trying to remember all the moments she was talking about but couldn't think of any in particular. “I should go ask them.”

“No! Don't do that,” Jessica remarked, slightly exasperated. “My point is that knowing whether they're gay or not is moot. I just have a crush, okay? There's no way I'm going to be acting on it, especially not now when our futures are still on the line.”

Hyoyeon wanted to believe Jessica—she really did—but she wasn't blind. It had only been weeks since they had met Taeyeon—rather awkwardly, Jessica had tripped and then choked on air—and she could already see how fast her friend was falling recklessly, deeper and deeper for it to be just a crush.

It was Jessica's first crush, though, she also had to admit. Maybe it was just how it'll be every time she gets a crush? Or maybe it's a gay thing? She sighed. She wasn't an expert on gay things—okay, so she wasn't an expert on anything that didn't involve dancing but—is gay thing even a thing? Ugh, whatever.

“If you say so.”

“I know so. Trust me, okay?” Hyoyeon simply nodded in reply, and Jessica took it as a sign that the subject had finally been dropped.

After an hour or so of more talk and a dance routine that barely got done and polished, they packed their bags and called it a day.

“But are you sure you're not into Yuri?” Hyoyeon would say to Jessica later when they’re out of the building. Her mom would then ask her how she got a big, red bump on her forehead when she’d arrive home—and she would shrug and blame it on a crazy cat.

–

Training together under the same entertainment company had made them grow and realize many things together. One of which was that their company wasn't much of the safe haven their seniors—especially the ones who had already debuted way before them—had described. Some teachers and trainers were a little harsh, but that was expected. What they didn’t expect were halls and rooms filled with other trainees planning and trying to bring down others, as well as trainees who liked to gossip and talk behind other people's backs.

Jessica's chumminess with a lot of the male trainees and idols was always one of the fodders that fuelled most of the gossip that circulated within the building. Sometimes, rumours would even pop up online and out into the public about who she was supposedly dating in some span of time—all baseless, all stupid—not everybody wants to date your oppa-deul, okay?!

It always pissed her off a lot how so many people—most just hiding behind some stupid computer—would bash her best friend for things that weren't even true. The broken look on Jessica's face would pain her each time, as if the comments and the names had been directed at her.

“At least, it's not as bad as being hated for being who I really am, right?” Jessica said one time after having read an excessively cruel comment that targeted most of her insecurities. “Being hated for being true to myself would hurt more, I think.”

Hyoyeon could only nod roughly, trying to hold in her tears because Jessica was the one hurt and not her, so she had to be the strong one—it was just she was never good at controlling her feelings at all.

“Imagine the look on these people's faces when they find out I don't want anything to do with their oppa-deul. Like at all. Like, ewww, god no.”

The had both laughed—tear-stained faces and all—but they were both painfully aware that the hell that they were going through—the hell that Jessica was going through—would be far worse than it already was.

That day, they promised each other they were going to be strong and not let a bunch of nobodies' thoughts or opinions matter to them. They had their families and their friends—their real friends.

And they had each other.

–

They managed to get themselves into the same group—Jessica and her, along with the merry little band they had formed with the other trainees. It's not like the management had a choice, anyway. They were inseparable, after all.

The original plan was for twelve girls in one group—some sort of female version of Super Junior, their company had said. (She couldn’t stop cringing at the comparison.) Somehow, they ended up with just nine, which she thought was so much better than twelve. The lesser the people to share everything with, obviously. A girl’s got needs.

“You know…” Hyoyeon started, trying to say what had been bugging her mind a little shortly after the Girl Group members had been finalized. (She was refusing to call themselves Super Girls because, just, hell no.)

“Hmm?” Jessica replied nonchalantly, flipping through the pages of the latest fashion magazine she had bought earlier. They were in their new practice room—one that had just been assigned to their group—and were waiting for the other members to arrive.

“The leader usually becomes the most popular member of their group. Attention is usually on them. And maybe the visual too, I guess.”

“That’s nice.”

“Well, you’re obviously nowhere near visual material…” Jessica’s side-eye was no joke—good thing she was already immune to it. “What? Just saying. We’re both so foreign-looking and you know it.” Jessica made a face and shrugged, her attention going back to her magazine. (Whether she was focusing on the model’s clothing style or the model herself, Hyoyeon wasn’t sure.) “But… you could’ve been the leader, you know?” Hyoyeon paused, lowering her voice, knowing her next few words weren’t really the nicest, “If only the midget wasn’t around…” And she was right. The glare she got in reply chilled her to her soul and was tons scarier than all the other glares she had gotten in the past. It made her want to run and hide, but she had to be strong and not die early—for her future fans, of course.

“But she is around,” Jessica dared, the look on her face silently challenging Hyoyeon to spit out whatever it was that she was trying to say.

“I know, I know. I’m just saying being the leader would’ve been nice for you, you know? It might help even out the numbers between your fans and your anti-fans…”

Jessica sighed. She knew her best friend only ever had good intentions—when it came to people she was close to and people she cared about, that was. “I think you’re just so blinded by our awesome friendship,”—Hyoyeon fake-gagged but smiled nonetheless—“that it’s actually beginning to cloud your judgment. Taeyeonie is the better choice for leader because, aside from being the oldest, she’s the best singer we have and she’s not too bad of a dancer. She’s also very cute and charming without even trying. And her face! She has a face that would remind you of puppies. Who would hate on puppies?” Jessica explained, hugging the magazine she had in her hands as if it was Taeyeon’s picture. (Hyoyeon had actually seen that scene happen… more than once.) She was having that awestruck look on her face and Hyoyeon actually wanted to vomit for real this time. “She’s perfect,” Jessica added, wistfully.

“Oh, come on.”

“It’s true. Meanwhile, I’m just me and I’m… gay.”

“Uh, yeah? You’re gay. We’ve already had that talk? I was there and you were there, remember that?” Hyoyeon couldn’t really figure out why she got another glare after her statement, but she looked away sheepishly anyway, trying not to incite more anger from the girl. (That magazine did look rather thick and would probably hurt a lot.) “I mean what does that even got to do with being the leader?”

“No, I meant—if people find out—I don’t, I just—okay, look. You said it yourself, the leader gets the most attention. I can’t have that. What if I… What if I make a mistake and people find out about me? Korea’s not exactly—the backlash would—it would ruin the group. I can’t have that. I’d never be able to live with myself.”

“I don’t know if it just slipped out of your mind or something, but you’ve been attracting a lot of… attention anyway—even before our group got made and confirmed. So…”

“Right, thanks for reminding me,” she replied dryly.

“Oops?” Hyoyeon squeaked, trying to look sorry—half-heartedly, in Jessica’s opinion. “Okay, but here’s the thing, Sica-yah. We’ve been in this company together for years now. You know what I’ve noticed?”

“What?”

“Half the people here are gay.”

“Right…” And there was a pause. Hyoyeon could feel her words slowly being processed in her best friend’s mind as she looked at the girl staring blankly at her. After a while, Jessica finally laughed, covering her mouth but ended up laughing some more anyway.

“Yah! I’m being serious! A lot of people here are gay. Maybe you could be their gay leader or something. Start a revolution!”

“Hi, I’m gay group leader Jessica. Nice to meet you?” Jessica stated, humouring Hyoyeon and wherever she was going with the conversation.

“Okay, no, god no, that sounded like we’re a gay gir—ouch! Yah! No need to be so violent.”

“Remember that talk we had about you being carelessly offensive?”

“Oh, uh… and there is nothing wrong with being a gay girl group?”

“Much better.”

“Okay, so where was I?” Hyoyeon continued, stroking her chin as if the action would help her remember—Jessica just thought it made her look amusingly stupid. “Oh, right! I was making a point. My point is: Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you’re not fit to be the leader. I mean, you already take on the role of the lovable and caring unnie of the group anyway, leader is just another name for it.”

“But—”

“God, have more confidence in yourself will you?”

“Easier said than done,” Jessica drawled, getting tired of the conversation already. “And it’s not only that, it’s—”

“Oh no, it’s more about the other thing, isn’t it?”

“What other thing?”

“The Taeyeon thing.” Jessica furrowed her eyebrows, still not getting what Hyoyeon was implying. “My god, we just spent forever talking about your gay problems,”—Hyoyeon waved away the glare she received—“but the main problem here has always been that you’re in love with her!”

Jessica blinked, registering the words she just heard, and was about to retort but, as if on cue and as if she was starring in some romantic comedy that wanted to put their lead in the most awkward situation, the rest of the girls barged into the practice room just as Hyoyeon had risen her voice—which, unfortunately for Jessica, meant they probably ended up hearing most of what Hyoyeon had shouted accusingly at her.

“Who’s in love with who?” Taeyeon said, innocently making her way to the two girls. “You?”

“Wow, thanks, universe,” Jessica muttered under her breath, thinking about how she wanted to wrap her fingers around Hyoyeon’s neck for getting her into this mess. She sucked in a breath and faced their leader, “No one, Taengoo. Hi, by the way. You guys are late.”

“Yeah, we stopped by a convenience store to get—”

“Hmmm, yeah, no, don’t change the subject, Jessi. I heard Hyoyeon talk about you being in love with someone? A her, in fact? You heard it too, right TaeTae?” Goddamn you, Tiffany, Jessica thought, mentally adding Tiffany on her newly formed list of people to strangle right after Hyoyeon.

“Er, but Sica said—”

“Lee Hyori!” Jessica whipped her head back to face Hyoyeon, raising an eyebrow at the girl.“That’s right, Lee Hyori!” Hyoyeon exclaimed, remaining undeterred by the cold gaze her best friend was giving her.

“Lee Hyori?” Tiffany voiced out, unconvinced.

“Yeah, Lee Hyori,” she went on, “She’s so in love with her she talks about her in her sleep. Seriously. Hyori-unnie, I just want to talk to you. Hyori-unnie, all the other members prefer BoA-unnie, but I like you better. Oh Lee Hyori-unnie you’re so—”

“Okay! They get it, Hyoyeon. They get it!” Jessica interrupted, slapping a hand over Hyoyeon’s mouth, pulling her in for a hug—and by hug, she meant a chokehold, obviously. Hyoyeon struggled to get herself free, only managing to do so after a few failed attempts.

“Ew, did you just lick me? Gross.”

“Oh please, I’m the one who should be grossed out right now. I don’t know where your hand has been. For all I know, you could have been mastur—”

“Kim Hyoyeon!”

“—anyway, what we were talking about earlier was that she’s so in love with her”—Jessica tried to bite off the finger Hyoyeon pointed at her—“that it’s beginning to affect her performance during our practices.”

Taeyeon and Tiffany just looked at each other and then looked back at the two, who were smiling a bit creepily in their opinion, and shrugged. They had heard stranger things from them anyway. They both moved to help the other girls unpack the things they bought earlier. Taeyeon turned around once to give them (just Jessica) a grin. Jessica smiled right back—a more genuine and less creepy smile this time.

“Sica? Yah, Sica?” Jessica didn’t reply, pushing Hyoyeon away, and continued to stare longingly at Taeyeon.

Hyoyeon rolled her eyes. Yep, definitely the main problem here.

–

Even with the addition of Tiffany who was more cheerful and less... Taeyeon, and Soonkyu who was more affectionate and, again, less... Taeyeon, Jessica's crush never faltered. It even grew to the point that Joohyun once asked her if her Jessica-unnie was alright. Apparently, she had found out, Jessica kept bumping into things and spacing out whenever Taeyeon was around. She stopped herself from rolling her eyes—not surprising at all. She should have noticed sooner. That idiot. “Nothing's wrong with your unnie, Joohyun-ah. She just really likes people who can sing,” she had said at the time. What surprised her, though, was the reply she got. Their youngest member had responded with, “I'm going to practice even harder to make Sica-unnie like me too.” All she could do was blink in response.

Joohyun walked away with a determined look on her face—to start practicing, Hyoyeon figured. Seriously, what could she have said to that?

Aigoo.

–

It was one of those rare times that Hyoyeon found herself alone with Taeyeon. They were the only ones home in their dorm that afternoon and, she acknowledged, it was one of the most awkward afternoons she had ever had in her life.

But since they were alone already, she soon accepted, might as well take the chance to get to know their new leader a little bit better. Jessica would appreciate the effort, she guessed. Ah, the things she did for love.

“So...” she trailed off, finishing off the last bits of food in her mouth before continuing, “How's life?” She couldn't think of anything else to say that wasn't, “Jessica likes you, what do you think about that?” so she had to improvise and go with a more subtle conversation starter. She was sure Jessica would be proud of her right now—having used tact and all.

“It's okay,” Taeyeon replied, her mouth full and messy, like that of a two-year old child who just learned how to do two things at once—eating and talking at the same time. She mentally labelled Jessica's ideal type as Toddlers Who Can Sing.

“Oh, okay, that's good. Sica-yah told me you have vocal lessons together now. How's that going?” Smooth. She was damn proud of herself on casually adding Jessica's name into that one.

“Seosaeng-nim is pretty hard on us, but he's also very patient. He’s been trying to expand both of our vocal ranges and stuff.”

“That’s nice,” Hyoyeon commented, completely uninterested. “What about Sica?”

“What about her?”

“How's she doing? You know she never thought she could sing. Still probably thinks everyone’s just gone deaf every time she sings. Seriously, that girl’s got issues.”

“Really? Well, she does seem to lack confidence.”

“And?”

“But I think we'd be perfect together.”

Hyoyeon was glad she had chewed her food properly because she was sure she could have died that day—choking mid-swallow—when she heard the other girl's statement. (She didn't trust the shortie would be capable of saving her life, or anyone else's life for that matter. Probably too tiny for CPR.) She ended up coughing, “W-what?”

“Our voices really complement each other's—well, it was seosaeng-nim who said that, but I do agree. With more vocal training, I'm sure she'd improve tons. Maybe someday we'll be able to sing a duet together,” Taeyeon said, grinning heartily before going back to her meal. Hyoyeon would have found the action cute had it not been for the pieces of meat and rice that were stuck all over the girl's face.

Sica-yah is into Toddlers Who Can Sing. God help me.

–

“Go date Tiffany,” Hyoyeon said casually, checking the rice she left to simmer. Jessica's mom visited them in their dorm the other day and, since they were both hungry and were too lazy to go out, they decided to reheat what was left of the meat she cooked for everyone. (They just hoped the others would understand when they come back home to nothing but empty plates and plastic containers.)

Jessica rolled her eyes. This wasn't the first time Hyoyeon had told her to date someone, anyone—the unsaid anyone but Taeyeon part had always been clear to her.  She sighed, “I'm not her type.”

“I know, I know, she's not your—wait, what?” Hyoyeon asked, turning off the stove. Jessica finally stood up from her place at the counter—the cooking was done so she was now fully allowed in the kitchen—and moved to help the other girl set the table.

“I'm not her type,” she repeated, shrugging, sitting down cross-legged on a chair in their dining area. She started eating immediately without even bothering to wait for Hyoyeon who was still placing more leftovers on the table.

“Yeah, I heard you the first time, but isn't it usually the other way around?”

“She asked me point blank if I was gay, okay? Something about her gaydar or whatever.” Hyoyeon nodded—she had heard about something like that existing. “I couldn't lie to her. She's good at telling if I'm lying or not.”

“No, you're just bad at lying,” she replied, finally taking a seat across from Jessica. After finishing her first bite, she continued, “And apparently completely obvious when it comes to checking other girls out.”

“Shut up!” Jessica groaned, her face entirely red—whether it was from blushing or the sudden choking and coughing before her outburst, Hyoyeon couldn't tell. “Anyway, Tiff and I started talking more about it and she admitted she was okay with it—the whole me being gay thing. Even said she could see herself fall in love with a girl too since love is love is love and all that.”

“Wow.”

“Right?”

“I mean, wow, why do I feel like I'm actually the only straight girl in this group?” They were both silent for a bit, looking at each other—until Jessica blinked and doubled over laughing, that was. (She was actually being serious, but whatever.)

“Soonkyu-yah?” Jessica asked after calming down a bit.

“She’s always trying to grab my boobs!” Hyoyeon’s face looked so distressed that Jessica just couldn’t stop herself from bursting into a laughing fit once more. “Yah! Stop laughing at my pain!”

Jessica brought her hand down on the table and took in a few deep breaths, trying to steady herself—trying and failing miserably. In between staggered breaths, she at least managed to gasp, “Sooyoungie?”

“She keeps saying she likes your body a lot. Like, more than too many times, don't you think?” she countered, raising an eyebrow at the girl who just suddenly shook and fell off her chair. Hyoyeon would have been concerned had it not been for the sound of dolphin-like squeals still filling the air. She sighed, “I’m being serious here.”

“Stop!” Jessica said in between her unstoppable giggling—annoyingly cute giggling, Hyoyeon thought. “Stop, oh my god, my stomach hurts.”

“That’s probably because you’re there rolling on the floor laughing instead of eating the food we prepared.”

Jessica rolled over, breathing heavily, and Hyoyeon just shook her head in feigned disapproval.

(She was still being serious, but again, sure, whatever. The giggling sounded nice to her ears anyway—which was something she would never admit. Ever.)

–

“You do know you're being obvious, right?”

“It wasn't me, that website was already open when I turned on the computer.”

“What?”

“What?”

They had decided to hang out in their room—something they hadn't done in a long while—instead of going out with the rest of the girls that afternoon. Jessica was on her bed, her nose deep in a book, while Hyoyeon was at their desk, nursing a cup of tea—hung-over.

“I meant, I think you've been extra clingy to a certain someone these days, don't you think?”

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Jessica denied, putting her book away—it looked like she wasn't going to get any reading done soon anyway.

“Whatever you say,” Hyoyeon shrugged and took a sip of her tea, mulling over the next few words she was going to say. “Do you, maybe, want to come out to the rest of the group?”

“I have you and Sooyoungie—I've always had you and her from the very start—and now there's Tiff. I don't think I'm ready for more people knowing.”

“But I think the others deserve to know who they're really living and spending a lot of their time with, don’t you think so too?”

“Are you saying what I think you're saying?”

Hyoyeon blinked, pausing. Okay, it’s either tension I’m sensing in the air right now or it’s the six cans of beer I drank last night trying to find a way out of my stomach. “Uhh... What do you think I'm saying?”

“You know I would never take advantage of you or any of the other girls like that.”

“What? No! It's not like that,” Hyoyeon tried to explain. She honestly only planned for a light-hearted conversation—well, as light-hearted as a talk about coming out could go—when she had started talking. Stupid mouth of hers just didn't know how to put words together nicely. Also, she would admit, she really shouldn't have gone out so late with Min last night. She was still hung-over, and her head suddenly wasn't functioning properly. She hoped they'd both make it out of this conversation alive. “It's just...”

“Just what?” Jessica snapped, making Hyoyeon gulp in reflex. “Just what?”

Hyoyeon swore she felt the temperature in the room drop, noticing how her tea had seemed to have gone cold all of the sudden—fortunately, she never liked her tea hot anyway. She put the cup down.

“The nine of us have been through so much together, and I think that at this point, they’d love you no matter what, right? Even if you’re… different from what people expect?” Jessica raised an eyebrow. “Not that I’m saying there’s anything weird about you!” Both eyebrows were now raised. “I mean… you’re you, and that’s awesome. That’s all that matters!”

If Jessica had a third eyebrow, she would have raised that one too. “Wait, I mean—okay, this is it—they’d love you even if—” Hyoyeon waved her hands vaguely toward Jessica, as if trying to illustrate some unspoken chaos. “Argh, I don’t know what I’m saying!”

Jessica finally let out a laugh—face-palming in the process—and just decided to spare the girl before she hurt herself from using her brain too much.

“I get your point, Hyoyeonie. You can shut up now.”

“Okay, thank god.”

Hyoyeon sat back, quietly staring at the cup she had placed on the table earlier. She knew Jessica needed time to sort out her thoughts—something she wished she knew how to do in order to have avoided a lot of the arguments she had ever had with her.

“I almost lost you when I told you the truth—you're my best friend and I almost lost you that time. Sooyoungie's reaction wasn't that different either. She took me to her church and asked me to pray. I think she's still praying my gay away even up to now, to be honest.”

“No, she's not. And that was then—we were young and stupid back then.”

“You're still young and stupid.”

Hyoyeon rolled her eyes. “I'm choosing to ignore what you just said.”

Jessica shook her head, smiling at Hyoyeon’s response. She paused after a moment and stared at the wall on the far side of the room, not doing anything else. Hyoyeon wondered if Jessica was considering her suggestion. (She also wondered if the girl was still awake and in deep thought or if she actually dozed off with her eyes open—it wouldn’t be the first time it had happened.)

But she was growing bored so she finally decided to speak up, trying to get Jessica’s attention back to reality. “Think about it, okay?”

Jessica shifted her gaze to Hyoyeon, tilting her head slightly. (All that was missing were some cat ears on her and, in Hyoyeon’s opinion, Jessica would make the perfect feline companion—majestic, cute, and lazy.) “I will.”

“Good.” She was considering it at least, and Hyoyeon did think that was good enough.

“Hyoyeonie?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“You too.”

“And by the way, Hyoyeonie?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” Jessica whispered close to her ear before kissing her cheek and stepping out of the room with a damn smirk on her face.

Aish, that girl. Hyoyeon felt herself blush and shudder, her face gradually starting to burn up—wow, she thought, she really needed to lay off the liquor for a while. She picked up her cup and started drinking her tea once more. (It really did grow cold.)

–

“Your sister is the one debuting, why the hell are you the one crying? Besides they’ve already had their first performance and that went well. This broadcast isn’t going to be any different. Yah, stop worrying.”

It was a few hours before the start of MBC’s Show! Music Core and Jessica and Hyoyeon were in one of the fitting rooms, waiting for the girls from f(x) to arrive. Jessica had wanted to cheer her sister on and Hyoyeon, well… she didn’t really have anything better to do.

“I can’t help it, ok? She’s growing up so fast. My baby is growing up so fast.”

“Are you her sister or her mother? Because sometimes I really can’t tell.”

“Yah! Shut up!” Jessica glared at Hyoyeon as she grasped her by the shoulders, shaking her lightly. “I’m an emotional wreck right now. My baby is about to debut! It feels like it was only yesterday when I had to pick clothes out for her and had to help her get dressed in the morning…”

“Wasn’t that earlier this morn—ouch! Yah!”

“Yah! You didn’t have to hit me back!”

“You started it, you—”

The sound of someone clearing their throat caught their attention, disrupting the fist fight that was probably about to erupt between the two of them.

“Unnie? Aren’t you busy? Why are you here?”

“Soojung-ah!” Jessica immediately let go of Hyoyeon and engulfed her younger sister in a tight hug. “Come here, my Soojung. You’re debuting, my baby, you’re debuting!”

“Oh my god.”

Jessica was full blown crying now and Krystal was slowly tearing up as well. The rest of the members just stood by, watching them awkwardly. Hyoyeon, on the other hand, was used to the scene—the Jung sisters crying their hearts out for something or other.

“This is touching and all, but I think Soojung and the rest need to prepare now, Sica-yah. We better get going. Manager-oppa right here is giving us the eye. Seriously, he is.”

“Uhm, right, you’re right,” Jessica finally says, detaching herself from Krystal and wiping away both of their tears hurriedly. “Good luck, Soojungie. Fighting! Good luck to all of you too! Fighting!”

“Fighting!” all the girls from f(x) replied in unison.

Hyoyeon rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. “Okay, right, fighting! Fighting to you! Fighting to you too! Fighting to all of us!” she continued to exclaim facetiously, slowly walking away towards the door, dragging Jessica with her. They waved one last time, bowing a little, and went out of the room.

Outside, they donned their caps and sunglasses, trying to look as casual as they could without attracting attention. They made their way to the studio audience members’ area and found their seats, fitting in with the crowd that had already gathered for the show.

After the recording of f(x)’s performance, Jessica was in tears again, crying about her baby. (Hyoyeon may or may not have had gotten a little teary-eyed beside her as well.)

–

“She's avoiding me! I can tell she's avoiding me!”

“No, she's not. She's just shy.” Hyoyeon sighed. They had had the same conversation for weeks and it was beginning to take its toll on her sanity.

“She's avoiding me and you know it!”

“Maybe it's because you always look at her all googly-eyed and stuff—like you want to do things to her.”

“I do not!” Jessica whined, stomping her foot a little. “Okay! Maybe I do, but she's so cute, who wouldn't want to do things to her?”

“Please stop talking. I don't think my poor, virgin ears want to hear any more of this.”

Jessica groaned and dove head first into her bed. They were at Jessica’s new place, hanging out in her room. Hyoyeon had wanted to see what was so great about it that Jessica just had to move out of their dorms. The place was nice, she would admit, but it needed a few more things—like beer in the fridge and a small bar counter fully stocked with everything they would need to make alcoholic drinks with, maybe.

“Okay, Sica-yah, hear me out. What if Taeyeon's just not gay, and more importantly, not gay for you?”

“Did she tell you that?”

“No, but I'm just saying...”

“You want me to move on, that's what you're saying, right? I've tried, okay. I've tried but I'm just so in lo—”

“No! No, don't say it. My heart goes really weak when it comes to sad unrequited love stories.”

“I'm being serious here!”

“I’m being serious too! You said that this was only a crush. You said you weren't going to act on it.”

“I know what I said, but that was years ago. I just...” Jessica tried to explain, almost whimpering, “I fell in love.”

“No, not that. God, you're so pathetic.”

“Gee, babe, thanks for your concern.”

Hyoyeon sighed. She knew this was going to happen. She knew the moment she saw Jessica doodle hearts around Taeyeon’s name so many years ago. (She also knew the moment she had read Jessica’s diary back then, but that was something she would never admit.)

“I just… I miss her.”

Goddamn. She sighed again. Her heart really did go weak when it came to unrequited love stories.

“I just don’t see what you see in her,”—Jessica was about to protest but Hyoyeon beat her to it—“but you like her so, I guess, there must be something good about her. And if she’s really avoiding you the way you say she is, then I’ll see what I can do.”

“Really? Like, seriously? You mean it?”

“Yeah, okay, sure, I mean it.” Jessica sounded so hopeful that there was no way she could have said no to her. Besides, the goofy-looking smile on her best friend’s face was really something she missed anyway. God, the things I do for you. “And by the way, I did not come here to see you mope about her the entire time. That already happens everywhere else—please, it so does. Can we skip the drama now and go straight to the alcohol?”

Jessica shook her head, but Hyoyeon could see the small smile she wore hadn’t vanished. “Fine. I think there’s a bottle or two in that suitcase over there. I just took some from our dorm. How we always seem to have so much, I’ll never know.”

Hyoyeon didn’t bother replying and just went out to get wine glasses from the kitchen. She felt she was too sober to think up of ways on how to go about the whole Taeyeon thing—too sober to think up of ways that don’t involve tying her up and beating the shit out of her for turning her best friend into a pathetic mess, that was. Okay, she really needed alcohol in her system right about now.

Getting drunk was so much easier than getting emotional, she had to admit. Thank SONEs for the never-ending supply of celebration wine.

–

“God, make it stop. Please.”

“Shut your face.”

“You’ve been singing that damn song nonstop for weeks now!”

“It’s for my solo—” she huffed, looking indignant, “I’m practicing, duh!”

“Well, practice somewhere else!”

“I was here first!”

Their very first Japan tour was fast approaching and everyone had been practicing nonstop—all of them trying to do their best in order to succeed in a new territory—but Hyoyeon was at her limit. Not because she was tired, which she kind of was, but mostly because Jessica had been singing that same song for hours and had only stopped a few times to cry—of all things! It was a huge distraction.

Although she did promise she was going to help Jessica with her dilemma, it hadn’t been going great on her end either. There just weren’t that many opportunities to get Taeyeon alone with her. (Not that she was going out of her way to do that, though. Jessica didn’t need to know about that bit.)

“Why are you practicing here, anyway? You don’t even need all this space. You’re just gonna sit there and look pretty. Go practice somewhere else, Sica.”

“You can’t tell me what to do.” She was pouting now, Hyoyeon would find it cute if she weren’t so annoying. “And I’m going to stand up and walk around in the middle of the song, so ha!”

Ha… “You’re a pathetic mess and your presence is cramping my style.”

“Rude.”

Hyoyeon sighed—something she had been doing more and more the past couple of months, she had to admit—and took a long gulp from the bottle of water she had just uncapped. She had promised to help Jessica a while back with her Taeyeon Situation, but that hadn’t been working well for either of them. Jessica was still Jessica being her usual pathetic and moony self—in her opinion, that was—and Taeyeon was actually being a little more than her usual Taeyeon-self, more cold and distant towards Jessica—but, still, only in her opinion, that was.

“You know…” she started, holding out another water bottle for the other girl to take. Jessica immediately began drinking from it, audibly gulping with each sip. “Maybe you should just stick with that beast idol guy you’re dating. You two actually look—”

“I’m gay!” Jessica interrupted, wiping her mouth, thankful that she hadn’t choked on the liquid. She leaned backwards until her back hit the floor, letting the bottle roll out of her hands. (She was honestly tired because she had been singing nonstop for weeks, but annoying her best friend with her singing was one of the few things she could do that she enjoyed doing, so.) Hyoyeon moved to lie opposite her, the arcs of their necks linking together and their heads resting comfortably on each other’s shoulders.

“Well, you could be bi,”—Hyoyeon realized right then that Jessica’s face was scarier upside-down, definitely the wrong side up—“What? You haven’t been with any guy, so how do you know you’re not, you know, into that?”

“Believe me, I know, okay? I’m so not into that. Again, like, ew. And I’m not just gay because I’m in love with Taeyeon,”—Hyoyeon made gagging noises and Jessica reached out to pinch her on the arms—“I just am, okay? It’s not something I can control.”

There was a lull in their conversation, both just taking the time to catch their breaths and rest their minds. After a while, Hyoyeon brought her attention back to Jessica, who currently had her eyes closed, seemingly half-asleep. She couldn’t help but notice how the bags under the girl’s eyes had worsened since the last time she had seen her up close and with little makeup on. It worried her.

“God, you look horrible.”

“Thanks, you too.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Are you saying I should be offended?”

Hyoyeon sat up and adjusted her shirt. She immediately motioned for Jessica to do the same. “Go home and rest. You really need it.”

“You’re not trying to just get rid of me, are you?”

“A bit of that, too, but I really am concerned for you,” Hyoyeon said, resting her arms on Jessica’s shoulders with hands linked at the back of her neck. Jessica simply looked on, enjoying the warmth and ignoring their shared sweat. “You look like a mess and it’s not even the hot kind of mess, Sica.”

The softness in Hyoyeon’s voice made her pause. When Hyoyeon spoke this low and final to her, it was usually when she was most serious. “Do I really look that bad?”

“Just awful.”

“....fine.”

Jessica stood up, wobbling a bit, both from resting too long and from abruptly standing up. Hyoyeon followed after her, staying a step behind Jessica just to make sure. She also picked up their discarded water bottles and brought them to their bags.

If only it were always this easy to make Jessica listen to her, Hyoyeon thought.

–

“I heard you get to be on the second season of Dancing with Stars! Congratulations!”

It was another one of those rare times where she was alone with Taeyeon. Their managers had dropped by earlier, bringing them dinner, and told them that the others had either really busy schedules and would be coming home late or won’t be coming home at all. It wasn’t like there were still a lot of them living in the dorm rooms now anyway.

“Well, I had to do something with all my free time. Not all of us get to be in a sub-unit, you know?”

Taeyeon blinked, clearly taken aback by the venom in the response she received. “Excuse me?”

Hyoyeon honestly didn’t mean to come off as bitingly as she did, but she couldn’t help it. She was bitter, of course, as most of the other members were. It’s not every day you get to re-debut, in a way, after all. But, whatever, she’d get over it sooner or later. In truth, she was more pissed on Jessica’s behalf, if she were to be honest. She was actually surprised that all Jessica had done was sigh when they heard the announcement—as if she had been expecting it.

“Sorry, forget I said anything. That was just my nerves talking. It’s the first time in a long while that I get to be in the spotlight—performing without the other members with me and all that, you know?”

“Uhm… okay, I guess? I kind of understand. I have my moments too, especially when I get all stressed.”

Wow, she’s easy. Hyoyeon had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes. Typical. Whatever. “How are you guys doing with the TaeTiSeo preparations, by the way?”

“It’s gonna be so weird to have only the 3 of us perform. Weird and kind of refreshing. They’re making us focus on vocals, so, on the plus side, there’s minimal choreography.”

“Duh. None of you are great dancers—no offense.”

“None taken. Dancing’s more of your thing anyway, so it’s really great you get to be part of the show! Isn’t it great? It’s really great!”

“You seem to be more enthusiastic about it than I am, to be honest.”

“You got this! You’re really going to be great.”

She knew Taeyeon wasn’t a bad person—far from it. But even good people had their blind spots, and Taeyeon’s just happened to look suspiciously Jessica-shaped. The way she’d been… not acknowledging her, as if silence could smooth over whatever tension was left hanging between them, felt wrong to Hyoyeon in a way she couldn’t quite swallow. (That or the noodles their manager brought them just happened to be awful, she wasn’t sure.)

“Well,” she said finally, wiping her hands on a napkin, “guess we all have our own things to focus on now.” And some people, apparently, had things—or people—they’d rather not.

She took her discarded takeout box and put them in the trash, leaving Taeyeon to eat on her own.

–

“I feel like the only girl I actually get to go out with is you. Maybe we should date. You and me, you know? Are you sure you don’t bat for my team? Because it’d be so good to have you here on my side.”

“I am on your side, but not in that way.”

Jessica sighed. She had been feeling a little lonely the past couple of days. She had been mostly spending her time off from group activities just wandering around in New York, and she had seen a lot of people—gay people, her people—just being happy and in relationships of their own. And she wanted that.

“I know that look.”

Jessica looked up from her cup of coffee—not Starbucks, she would like to point out, she had actually just discovered this quaint little coffee shop they were sitting at on the day she arrived—and stared at Hyoyeon, waiting for her to continue.

“I know that look,” Hyoyeon repeated, emphasizing. “You’re lovesick. Lonely. And I’m probably going to regret asking you this because I think I know what your answer is gonna be but, okay—what’s wrong, Sica-yah?”

“Sometimes I think about just staying here, you know? Honestly, being in New York just feels so freeing compared to being anywhere in South Korea. I can be who I am here.”

“What are you talking about? What about your career?” Hyoyeon set her cup down, leaning back in her chair as if bracing herself. Jessica talked big when she was hurting, and Hyoyeon was used to catching the fallout. She hesitated, then added quietly, “What about Taeyeon?”

“Eh, I can be a singer anywhere. YouTube is a big thing now.” Jessica flicked her hand dismissively, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “And what about Taeyeon? Hyoyeonie, it’s been years. And I’m still here, pining for a girl who—” she paused, her mouth tightening, “—who doesn’t even look my way anymore. She used to smile at me all the time, you remember? Now she can’t even spare me a glance.”

She let out a thin, exhausted breath. “I’m tired. That’s all.”

“So you’re giving up?” Hyoyeon narrowed her eyes, giving her the kind of look she usually reserved for expired milk she was about to drink anyway. “You’re giving up on her?”

“Yeah.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that?” Jessica huffed. “Did you forget the years of crying and moping you had to deal with from me because of her? And shouldn’t you be thrilled? Isn’t this what you wanted? For me to finally give up?”

Hyoyeon snorted. “Thrilled? Sica, if you actually gave up on Taeyeon, I’d have to check if you’re running a fever.” And then she shook her head, because, no, it wasn’t what she had wanted at all. Not like this. “I just want you to be happy. I didn’t want you dating her because… honestly? I didn’t think she was good for you.”

“She was, though,” Jessica said softly. “And she did, she made me happy.”

“But not anymore?”

“Not anymore.”

“Wow,” Hyoyeon let out a low whistle. “Two days in New York and you’re suddenly emotionally stable? What are they putting in the bagels here?”

She picked up one of the bagels they’d ordered earlier—and immediately regretted every life choice that led her to this moment. She bit down once and nearly broke a tooth. The thing was essentially a rock. (Jessica didn’t mean to laugh—she really didn’t—and Hyoyeon didn’t mean to flick her forehead as hard as she did—okay, she absolutely did.)

“Come on, I’m practically a regular here. I think we can get that replaced.” Jessica stood up, taking Hyoyeon’s rock-solid bagel with her and went inside. From where she sat, Hyoyeon watched Jessica gesture animatedly at the cashier before giving the bagel a demonstrative knock against the counter. Hyoyeon could’ve sworn she heard the dull thud even from outside.

Something loosened in her chest at the sight. Jessica wasn’t clinging blindly anymore—she seemed to be putting herself first for once, even if just in thought. Maybe, just maybe, a Taengsic endgame wasn’t that bad after all—and that was enough to make Hyoyeon lean in, ready to try again. (After she got her replacement bagel, of course.)

–

She liked to believe she was subtle enough—a few hints here and there, little nudges from the side, the occasional forced seating arrangements, and casually planned outings between the nine of them in their group chat where everyone else bailed at the last minute… except Taeyeon and Jessica, that was.

“You do know you're being obvious, right?”

“I swear that wine bottle was already empty when I got here.”

“What?”

“What?”

Jessica sighed. “Thank you. I appreciate the effort, but you don't have to keep doing this. I’ve already told you, I’m going to try and move on now. And besides, I know you were never a big fan of hers in the first place.”

“I've...” Hyoyeon paused, weighing her words. “I’ve grown used to her. She's like one of those family members I'm not really close to—like an immature and really moody sister—but I don't mind having. Part of the family, after all.”

“I think she adores you a lot, you know?”

“Well, what can I say? I have that effect on people.”

Surprisingly, Jessica laughed. “Yeah, you do.” Hyoyeon was expecting something sarcastic, at least, not this sappy excuse of a conversation.

Jessica looked at her fondly, then leaned in to hug her.

Hyoyeon wasn’t the sentimental type, not really—but, in moments like this, she knew it would all be worth it.

–

“Unnie?”

“Yoona!”

“Unnie!”

“Shhhh... stop shouting,” Hyoyeon whispered through her gritted teeth.

“You started it,” Yoona said, pouting.

“Well, you startled me,” she quipped, looking anywhere but at the girl in front of her. “So, did you need anything?”

Yoona eyed Hyoyeon carefully, noticing her unnie’s hands clasped behind her back and the slight sway on her heels. Suspicious, Yoona thought. This had been going on all year.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

“You're hiding something,” Yoona said, stepping closer.

“No, I'm not,” Hyoyeon replied, glancing sideways.

“Wait… what's that behind your ba—hey! Isn't that Sica-unnie's passport?”

“Huh? Oh… really? That’s strange. How did this end up in my hands?”

“Hold on—isn’t this Taeyeon-unnie’s room?”

“Is it? I didn’t notice. Honestly, I don’t even remember where I was going.”

“Unnie.”

“Yoona.”

“Why are you standing outside Taeyeon-unnie’s room with Sica-unnie’s passport?”

“You make it sound like I’m trying to do something suspicious—which I’m not!”

Yoona took another step, deep into Hyoyeon’s personal space now, “I know what you’re trying to do.”

“I have no idea—”

“Can I help?” Yoona grinned, already plotting.

Hyoyeon couldn’t help grinning back. Proud. Maybe a little terrified. But mostly proud—she had officially created a monster.

Taeyeon and Jessica missed their flight back to Korea that day.

–

“TaengSic.”

“TaeNy.”

“TaengSic!”

“TaeNy!”

“Tae—”

“JeTi!”

“Be quiet, Tiffany!”

Tiffany just rolled her eyes. If it felt like not a single day passed without someone quoting that same damn line to her—in English, no less—and it was her own damn fault. She regretted making the girls watch that Tyra Banks clip. “What are you arguing about anyway?”

“The better Taeyeon couple, obviously.”

“Oh, okay. But JeTi couple is the best Jessica-and-Tiffany couple. Well… on second thought, all the Tiffany couples are the best in Girls’ Generation, actually.”

Sooyoung and Hyoyeon just stared at her for a beat, expressions hovering somewhere between amusement and—that better not be annoyance! She stood her ground, ready with a few comebacks she’d been saving for just this moment. Bring it, baby.

“Come on, Hyo, let’s take this conversation somewhere else.”

“Yeah, somewhere else where people not part of the conversation don’t butt in with their unwanted opinions.”

Tiffany could only gape at the two as they walked away from her.

What in the actual—ugh! Rude ass, mofos.

–

She had tried to be patient—truly patient—and subtle, too, but aside from Jessica confronting her about it, and a few of the others catching on and joining her little schemes—except Sooyoung, that goddamn traitorous Taeny shipper!—there had been no progress on Taeyeon’s end. Either the girl was the densest person on the planet, or Jessica was right—Taeyeon had been deliberately avoiding Operation Taengsic altogether.

Frankly, she was tired. (And maybe a little drunk. Only a little.)

“Jessica likes you,” she said, gripping Taeyeon's shirt by the collar. “She likes you, like really likes you. Likes you likes you. I don't know why but, god, she does.”

Taeyeon, for her part, only flinched a tiny bit.

“What do you say to that? Please, just tell me right now so we can all move on from this and I can tell Sica she was right! She was right all along! That you hate her! And that I should start helping her move on!” Hyoyeon’s liquid courage worked wonders, though the last few words did slur slightly. Eh, whatever, glad that’s all finally out there.

Taeyeon’s mouth hung open, confused, maybe scared, and Hyoyeon noticed the way her eyes widened—a flicker of something behind the shock. Is this it, is this happening in real life?

“No,” Taeyeon voiced out, trying to pry off Hyoyeon's hand off her shirt. After a little struggle, Hyoyeon finally let her go. Taeyeon sighed, smoothing her shirt, mumbling something about how it was a gift and some other things Hyoyeon couldn't quite catch—what the hell are flying petals?

“No?”

“I mean, no, don't...”

“Don’t try making TaengSic happen ever again? Never ever?” Hyoyeon prompted, testing her. “Okay, I got it!” She clapped her hands once, making a show of walking away.

“No!” Taeyeon said, grabbing the other girl's wrist. Hyoyeon quirked an eyebrow as she shook off the hand that grabbed her. “No,” Taeyeon repeated more firmly. “What I'm trying to say is that,” she gulped, pausing and fidgeting.

“Okay, go on.”

“What I'm trying to say is that...”

“Yes, yes. You're trying to say something, go on.”

“Okay,” she breathed, “What I'm tryi—“

“Just spit it out, shortie!”

“Yah! We're the same height!”

“Yeah, when you're wearing your damn insoles!”

“The bleach on your hair just makes you look taller!”

“Why you little shi—you know what? I give up! Watch me go make YulSic happen instead!”

Taeyeon audibly gasped, and Hyoyeon would have burst out laughing if Taeyeon hadn’t immediately grabbed her by the collar.

“No, listen to me! Listen to me.”

“Hurry up and say something then. I don't have all day. Joohyun and I are going out in an hour. We’re going to watch some stupid musical or whatever. A musical! My god, the things I do for you girls. At this rate, I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to get married before I’m thirty…”

“I… I just… I don’t know how I feel about this, about her.” Hyoyeon rolled her eyes, just itching to punch the girl in the face, but before she could voice out exactly what she was thinking, Taeyeon continued, “And… seeing her get close to anyone else, it just—” She paused again, searching for words. “It makes me… nervous, I guess. Like I’m losing my chance to even matter. I can’t explain it.”

Absolute progress, Hyoyeon thought. Goddamn, finally. It was her turn to shrug Taeyeon’s hands off her shirt. She ran her fingers over the fabric, straightening the wrinkles the best that she could. Goddamn. Finally.

“And I—I don’t like it when she treats other people the way she treats me. When they gush over her, tell her she’s pretty or cute… and she laughs, she blushes… I don’t know. It feels like I’m invisible when that happens. I hate that feeling.”

“You do realize you also have people who do that to you, right? They're called fans, in case you've forgotten,” Hyoyeon pointed out.

“But I don’t blush or giggle at them!” Taeyeon protested.

“She'd blush at the littlest things! This is Jessica 101! Or do you actually not pay attention at all? Aish, seriously.”

“Still. Whatever.”

Hyoyeon stared at the girl in front of her—not only does she look like a child, she sulks like one too! Sica, this girl. This. Girl. Really, Sica-yah? Really? She shook her head, whistled low, and finally said, “You really are an idiot.”

“Hey!”

“Your height must've affected your brain.”

“Again, we're the same height.”

“Is the view from down there really that bad?”

“You can stop now.”

“You're so short,”—Taeyeon glared, which would have been threatening had she been a few inches taller—“that you never even saw that Sica-yah only ever had her eyes on you.”

Taeyeon’s expression softened. Hyoyeon felt it, and knew she was finally getting through that thick, oblivious skull.

“I—I don't know what to do. Help me.”

“You know, someone wise once told me that not ignoring the object of your affections,” she paused for extra emphasis, giving out a pointed look, “is a good place to start.”

“Ugh, be serious!”

“I am serious! Sica thinks you hate her. Stop ignoring her, you little shit.”

“Yah! There you go again with the height!”

“At least you didn’t deny being shit. And seriously, just stop being an idiot.” She jabbed Taeyeon’s shoulders with emphasis. “I’ll help with the rest.”

iii.

Hyoyeon still genuinely had no idea what Jessica saw in Taeyeon—but she finally accepted that it didn’t matter. It wasn’t her heart on the line. (And love made people catastrophically blind, obviously.)

But if Taeyeon ever hurt Jessica again—intentionally or not!—Hyoyeon was ready to slam more than a car door in her face. This time, she’d make sure it wasn’t an accident. After all, some friendships were worth throwing hands for—

Or something like that.