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It was fleeting at first, not a solid, concrete thing that Korra thought much about. She would see older girls while out at the mall with her dad and a feeling would spark in her chest and radiate throughout her body as she admired them from afar. The way they walked, the way they talked. The bounce of their breasts, the shininess of their hair. She wanted to be like them when she got older. Or if not that, at least be close to them. The spark would increase in intensity as she got older, the curiosity, the need to know what it would be like to be one of the pretty girls she admired when she was younger. To be with the pretty girls.
It finally lit into a full on flame the night of her first sleepover. She was 13 years old and it was the summer before 8th grade started. There was a girl; Korra can’t remember her name now, but she figures that’s not important. What’s important is that there was this girl, and it was her birthday, and boys were over, and somehow, they ended up playing a raunchy game of spin the bottle. Well, maybe not exactly raunchy, but definitely racier than anything 13-year-old Korra was accustomed to. She remembers the girl spinning the bottle, and the bottle landing on her, and everyone squealing in disgust at the prospect of two girls kissing. Korra scrunched her nose up too, not willing to be an outcast, and glanced over at the girl. Her eyes sparkled and she shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly.
“It’s just a kiss.” She had said, and then leaned forward and gave Korra her first one. It was soft and brief; innocent. Korra felt her cheeks warm up as the girl pulled away, but quickly joined the chorus of gags that ensued immediately after.
Girls aren’t supposed to kiss; that seemed to be the overall consensus, so Korra went along with it.
She was surprised then, to feel hands gently shaking her awake in the middle of the night. The girl crouched over her, her pointer finger to her mouth, signaling Korra to be quiet. Korra nodded and slithered out of her sleeping bag, following the girl’s lead and tiptoeing over the others as they quietly made their way out the room.
Korra followed the girl to the downstairs bathroom and watched as she quietly locked the door. She turned around and then rushed toward Korra, pressing their lips together to continue what the game had started earlier. Korra gasped in shock, but then quickly sunk into the kiss, wrapping her hands around the girl’s waist. She felt a tongue slip into her mouth and her stomach clenched, a weird pulling sensation that made her breathless. The girl guided Korra to the bathroom counter and lifted her on top of it, wrapping Korra’s legs around her waist and pressing them together. They kissed for what felt like hours, until finally the girl pulled away and wiped her mouth off. Korra sat on the counter, her lips wet and swollen, waiting for the girl to say something about what just happened.
“I’m moving away tomorrow.” She said simply. Well, that explains all the boxes, Korra had thought. “We were supposed to move today, but my mom let me stay for my birthday so I could spend it with my friends.”
Korra nodded her head slowly. “So, I guess that means we can’t go out.”
The girl’s face wrinkled in confusion and mild disgust. “Go out? Why would I go out with you? You’re a girl.”
“But you kissed me.” Korra said, her heart dropping out of her chest.
“So?” the girl shrugged. “It’s okay for girls to kiss sometimes but it’s not natural for them to date. That’s weird. At least that’s what my Dad says, and he’s a doctor, so he’s smart.”
“Oh.” Korra responded.
“You don’t like girls, do you?” The girl looked at Korra in contempt.
Korra shook her head. “No, of course not.”
The girl nodded, “Okay good. Momma would be upset with me if I let a dyke in the house.” The girl yawned and stretched her hands over her head. “Okay then, I’m going back to bed.” She said indifferently and signaled for Korra to follow her back upstairs.
The girl had planted one more bittersweet kiss on Korra’s lips before they both entered the bedroom and, quiet as mice, slipped back into their respective sleeping bags. Korra laid on her back and stared at the ceiling, trying to convince her body that it was okay to relax and go back to sleep, but it was no use. Her body was in defense mode.
Korra’s Dad did not make it a habit to use slurs of any kind in their household, so Korra was not familiar with many of them. However, she knew the word “dyke” was not a good word. The way the girl’s face twisted in disgust told her all she needed to know. A “dyke” was someone who liked girls, apparently, and they were bad. They were weird. They were unnatural. They were outcasts. Korra did not want to be considered one.
She didn’t want to go to her Dad about it, for fear of planting the idea in his head that she might be different, might be one of…those kinds of people. So, she kept what happened to herself. And she buried it, she buried it so deep that she was almost able to forget about it.
Korra put all her energy and focus into basketball, her job at the library, and school after that. Every day was the same cycle: School, practice (or work, depending on the day), homework, dinner, sleep, repeat. She kept herself busy, mostly to keep her mind off of things that she had no control over, but also to use an excuse. She didn’t have time to have crushes on boys, she told nosy family members, who relentlessly teased her about possible boys she might like at school. She had plans to get on the girls’ varsity basketball team and play at Republic City University when she got older. Boys were a distraction. Korra ignored the voice in her head that screamed the truth at her day in and day out. The secret she’s been hiding since the night of the sleepover: She didn’t think she liked boys. She had never felt the spark with them, the one she got when she saw the older girls, the one she felt when she had her first kiss. Korra, to her complete dismay, was an outcast.
That is until, the first day of 10th grade, when she walked into 2nd period AP World History, and her eyes zeroed in on a new face. A boy. She sensed the spark, really experienced and surrendered to its intensity, and she felt a tidal wave of relief wash over her. She liked a boy. She threw him a lopsided grin and felt her heart rate speed up when he smiled back at her. This was real, she thought to herself as she sat down in her seat, fighting the urge to turn around and look at him again. She was normal. She was going to be okay.
The boy’s name, Korra would eventually learn, was Mako. He was a year above her, on the boys’ varsity soccer team, was at least a head taller than all the boys in his grade, had amber-colored eyes, and thick, black hair that Korra often found herself fantasizing about running her fingers through.
She spent almost every day after that plotting, formulating plans, manipulating situations so that they could “accidentally” bump into each other. She was at every soccer game, every pep rally. She became friends with his little brother, Bolin, who was the same grade as her. Bolin was a great friend, and fun to be around, but Korra would be lying if she said Bolin’s company was the sole purpose she sought out the friendship. What better place to conveniently run into Mako than his own home, after a valid invite from his younger brother? Soon, Korra and Mako developed a genuine friendship too, and Korra allowed herself to crush on him for a year before she finally decided to do something about it.
It was the first day of 11th grade, and Korra had come to school dressed to impress. She had straightened her hair for the first time since 8th grade prom, pushing it back with her favorite blue headband. She wore dark blue boyfriend jeans, rolled up slightly to show off her silver anklet, her brand new black and white converses, and a light blue short sleeved crop top that showed off her toned stomach. She did a once over in the mirror before she left for school and her stomach did a backflip. Finally, finally, Korra looked somewhat like the pretty girls that she had admired so much as a child. Korra walked out her house and to the bus stop with a strut in her step: she would be coming home from school as somebody’s girlfriend today, she was sure of it.
Lunch was a complete slap in the face and a kick to her ego. Mako had waltzed into the cafeteria, his eyes scanning the room. Korra, Bolin, and a couple of their other friends were already seated at their designated lunch table. Korra’s heart had swelled in excitement when she first laid eyes on Mako. She waved her hands, trying to get his attention, but his eyes had already settled on somebody across the room, a huge grin plastered across his face. Korra frowned and followed his line of vision.
Time had seemed to slow as Korra witnessed the most beautiful creature she had ever laid her eyes upon walking towards Mako. She was tall and lithe, like a supermodel. She was probably the tallest girl Korra had ever met, the top of her head being just a few inches underneath Mako’s. Her black hair was long, thick, and incredibly shiny, and it cascaded down around her shoulders in perfect waves. She had sparkling green eyes and full lips, painted a dark red color that contrasted nicely against her pale skin, bringing out her Greek goddess-like facial features. Korra felt the spark again. It was more like a burn this time, ripping its way savagely through her body until Korra felt the tips of her fingers and toes start to tingle. Before Korra could process the spark as its usual meaning, the mystery girl walked up to Mako and pulled him into a gentle kiss. Korra immediately saw red and associated the spark with an entirely different emotion this time: Jealousy.
It would take her a few years to realize that the spark was not jealousy (it was far, far from it actually) but her 16-year-old self didn’t know any better at the time. She sat and raged silently at the lunch table as Mako walked up to them, one arm possessively wrapped around the new girl and introduced her as his girlfriend.
Her name was Asami Sato and Mako met her over the summer while they both worked at the volunteer animal shelter. Korra inwardly cursed herself for deciding to go to basketball camp instead of staying home and volunteering like Bolin had asked her to. Asami’s Dad owned the new car retail business that needed to have the old skating rink demolished in order to make room for it; the skating rink Korra had loved to go to as a kid. Another valid reason to hate her, Korra thought. The new girl and her family seemed to have a knack for waltzing into settled towns and destroying things that had been set up perfectly fine for years. It was probably the only valid reason Korra had to hate Asami. In almost every other aspect, Asami Sato was fucking perfect.
She was gorgeous, but very humble about it, and she was sickeningly sweet, to the point where it made Korra gag to have to hear her talk most times. Asami was smart too, taking all AP classes, and genuinely being interested in the topics. Korra constantly had to stop herself from rolling her eyes every time she saw Asami’s hand shoot up to answer a question in their AP Calculus class. She liked to tinker with cars on the side, and she wanted to major in engineering when she got to college so that she could research ways to create advanced technology that wasn’t damaging to the environment, and she was a vegetarian, and she was in the environmental club and often hosted beach cleanups on the weekend back at her old school and couldn’t wait to incorporate those here. Asami Sato was thee idol human being, on top of dating the one and only boy Korra had ever liked and wanted to be with. So yea, Korra hated her.
Or at least she wanted to hate her. She really, really did, but one thing Korra also learned about Asami was that she was stubborn, and she absolutely refused to take no for an answer. That was the first thing Korra realized they had in common.
Korra had stormed out of Principal Raiko’s office, making a beeline for the bus stop and fighting back tears. She was failing AP Calc, and Raiko wouldn’t allow her to play basketball this upcoming season unless she got her grades together. Korra had made a big enough wave last year to draw attention and knew that playing this year was crucial in terms of catching the eyes of college recruiters and securing her spot on RCU’s team. If she didn’t play this season, she would probably never get another chance. It was only two months left in the first semester of the school year before basketball season next semester; There was no way she could pull her grade up in time.
Her bus had rolled up in front of her and Korra made her way to ascend the steps when she heard her name being yelled from across the parking lot. Korra turned her head to see Asami running across the yard, waving her hands for Korra to stop. She finally caught up with Korra and took a minute to catch her breath, leaning forward and putting her hands on her knees.
“Geez,” Asami panted, “I tried to…stop you sooner but you’re…you’re so fast. Can I talk to you…really quick?”
Every word seemed to be a struggle, and it didn’t look like she would recover and be coherent anytime soon. Korra felt the bus driver growing impatient.
“Hey, come on now, I got a schedule. You gettin’ on or not ladies?” he said roughly. Korra looked from Asami to the bus driver to the time on her watch and then back to Asami. She sighed in irritation and waved for the bus driver to go on without her. If she walked fast, she would only be ten minutes late to work. She turned to Asami, who had finally composed herself and at least had the decency to look somewhat guilty.
“Hey, if you need a ride somewhere I could ta-”
“What do you want, Sato?” Korra had snapped, cutting her off before she could finish. She wouldn’t have needed a ride at all if little Miss Perfect hadn’t bothered her.
Asami winced as if Korra’s tone physical hurt her, but she pressed on. “I um…I heard you talking to Raiko earlier. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop I was just running some office errands for our calculus teacher cuz I finished the work earl-…it doesn’t matter, I just thought maybe I could help you…study? Or like, be your tutor or something?” Asami laughed nervously. “I haven’t tutored anybody since the 8th grade, and they were all first graders and Kindergarteners, but I’m willing to try, haha.” She ended awkwardly, looking down at the ground and waiting for Korra to respond.
Korra took a minute to process what Asami had just proposed, and once she did, she felt a rush of anger and embarrassment surge through her. How dare she? How dare she waltz into Korra’s life and ruin everything, then extend a helping hand and act like she cared. She must’ve thought Korra so dumb and helpless and pathetic.
“I don’t need your help.” Korra said, ice in her voice and shooting Asami a venomous stare before turning around and preparing to walk to her job. In all honesty, she probably did need Asami’s help. There was no way she was going to raise her grade on her own. But her pride had taken multiple beatings lately; she refused to let it take anymore.
“Korra, why don’t you like me?” Asami had said to her back, making Korra pause.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Asami scoffed. “Yes, you do. You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Korra turned around then. “Sometimes I’ll be talking at the lunch table and I’ll catch you glaring at me or rolling your eyes and you never talk to me. Everyone else seems to like me and I just…I don’t know what I did to make you hate me but I’m sorry, I…I really am.” Korra looked up to see a single tear fall down Asami’s face and she wanted to slap herself, she felt so bad. She hadn’t intentionally meant to make Asami sad. She honestly didn’t even think Asami had noticed her attitude; she seemed to be oblivious to most things. But she had noticed Korra, and was trying to help, and Korra was being a bitch.
“I don’t- I don’t hate you.” Korra had mumbled.
Asami rolled her eyes. “Yea sure you don’t.” She said sarcastically, wiping away the tears that had fallen. “Listen, I wanted us to be friends. I really did. Mako told me about your mother, and how you lost her. And I got happy because I thought I might finally get the chance to be friends with someone who…who understood me. And my past. But I guess that’s not the case, and my Dad raised me to never kiss someone’s ass to make them like you so…” She raised her head high and squared her shoulders, making direct eye contact and locking Korra in place. “The tutoring offer still stands, because I hate seeing people struggle, especially if I can do something about it. But I won’t force you to be friends with me. And I’m sorry for whatever it is I did to you.”
Korra likes to think this was the moment everything clicked into place. The moment she realized there was so much more to Asami than she originally thought, than she allowed herself to think.
Korra snapped herself out of her thoughts once she realized that Asami was walking away.
“Wait! Asami wait, hold up.” Korra ran to close the distance between them, reaching out to grab her arm and stop her. She feels a spark of electricity shoot through her, as she realizes that this is her first time touching Asami.
“I’m sorry. I really am. I’ve been going through some stuff and taking it out on you and that’s not fair. You’re really…you’re really kind to people and you don’t deserve that.” Korra rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. “I’d be honored if you tutored me…if you’re still up for it?”
Asami looked at her for a minute before a smile spread slowly across her face and she nodded. “Yea…yea, I can tutor you.”
“You also still offering that ride?” Korra asked, grinning back at her.
They were nearly inseparable after that. Wherever Asami went, Korra went and wherever Korra was, Asami was never too far away. On days when Korra had practice, Asami would stay with her afterschool, doing homework in the gym and then dropping her off at home afterwards, sometimes staying for dinner and spending the night. On days when Korra had to work at the library, Asami would go with her, doing homework when Korra was busy or sitting on the front desk and talking to her during slow shifts. Asami was able to help Korra raise her AP Calc grade to a hard-earned B+ and in return, Korra helped Asami set up the beach cleaning task force. She spent every Sunday morning at the beach with Asami, cleaning up other people’s shit. Korra complained often (and loudly) about the ridiculously early meeting hour and the cold weather, but still, she always went, every Sunday, no matter what.
Asami was funny and observant and dedicated. She was happiest under the hood of a car, her face streaked with grease and dirt, screwed up in concentration as she tried to assess which piece should go where to get the optimal result. She took great pride in her car (“It was my mother’s”, she had told Korra once, which automatically let her know how special the car was to Asami). She loved animals and action-comedy movies. She liked hot chocolate the most during summertime, and milkshakes during the winter. She only liked watching a sport when Korra was playing; other than that, she preferred to play the sport herself rather than watching other people play them. Her favorite food to cook was pancakes, and she was extremely happy that Korra’s favorite food to eat were pancakes.
“We’re like a lock and a key.” Asami had said, giggling as Korra took an enthusiastic bite out of her pancake. She swallowed a chug of milk and then grinned.
“I’m the key of course.” Korra replied dopily.
“What? No, I’m the key.”
“Are not.”
“Are too!”
They had settled the argument by way of a pillow fight, which ended in a fit of giggles on Asami’s living room floor, where they cuddled together and watched old sitcoms until they both fell asleep, waking up the next day covered in blankets, thanks to Asami’s dad.
By the end of the school year, Korra was no longer able to deny it. The spark had grown into a full-blown fire and settled deep in the pit of her stomach, throbbing almost painfully every time she looked at Asami. As she watched Asami walk across the stage and accept her diploma, she accepted her fate. She liked Asami, more than she’d ever liked anyone. She wanted to hold her and wipe the tears from her face after she cried and tell corny jokes that would make her snort. But the one thing Korra wanted to do above all else was kiss her. More often than not, she wanted to kiss Asami so bad that it scared her.
Korra spent the summer before her senior year with Asami, volunteering at the animal shelter and spending time with each other before Asami went off to college at RCU. She kept her crush to herself, still terrified of what it meant that she liked a girl. She had been so sure that she was normal when she liked Mako. It’s not possible to like boys and girls, is it? Was Mako just a hiccup? Just her body tricking itself into attraction as a defense mechanism. It had felt so real.
At the present moment, Korra couldn’t see how she had ever had a crush on him. He had broken up with Asami right at the beginning of summer, wanting to be free to date whomever he pleased when he went to college out of state. Asshole. Korra had really dodged a bullet with that one. Asami had come directly to her house after it happened. Korra opened her front door and there she was, her hair in a messy ponytail, her face red and her eyes puffy. She took one look at Korra and then burst into tears, wrapping her arms around Korra’s waist and burying her face into Korra’s neck.
Korra gently led Asami upstairs to her bedroom and shut the door for privacy. She pulled Asami down next to her on the bed and wrapped Asami up in her arms, tracing gentle patterns onto Asami’s lower back.
“Korra I feel so stupid.” Asami pulled away and looked at Korra, snot dripping from her nose and fresh tears pooling in her eyes. “I thought he loved me. I gave my virginity to him.”
Korra frowned and leaned over to grab tissues from her nightstand. “Hey, don’t say that.” She cooed as she gently wiped Asami’s face clean. “You’re not stupid. You’re the smartest person I know. Mako is just a dumbass, trust me, I’ve known him a bit longer than you.” Korra wiggled her eyebrows, trying to get Asami to laugh. Asami let out a small giggle and Korra grinned at her success.
“Seriously ‘Sami, he’s not the brightest apple in the bunch if he let you go. You’re special; too good for anyone in this backwards ass town. If I was dating you, I’d do whatever I could to keep you. Even long distance. He just doesn’t deserve you.”
Asami wiped her eyes using her jacket sleeve and gave Korra a watery smile.
“So, you’re saying you would date me Korra?” Asami asked wryly, a playful glint in her eyes.
Korra felt her lungs constrict as a wave of panic flooded through her. Shit.
“What? N-no dumbass, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant like…if I was a boy and was dating you, I wouldn’t let you go.” Korra rolled her eyes, praying that Asami wouldn’t notice how nervous she was.
Asami was staring at her attentively now, looking deep into her eyes. Korra felt her anxiety building under Asami’s intense stare, but she couldn’t seem to look away.
“Korra…you know girls can date too right?” Asami whispered softly. She leaned forward slightly, and her eyes flickered to Korra’s lips and then back up, as if asking for permission.
Korra felt her skin flush and her breathing became slightly more erratic. Was she imagining things or was Asami…asking to kiss her? What would happen after that? Would they start dating? Publicly? Korra wanted to kiss her so bad. Wanted to hold her hand in public and cuddle her at night and kiss away the tears caused by a bad day. But wouldn’t that mean...Korra was gay? That would mean that she liked girls, officially. Once she started dating Asami, there was no way she would ever be normal again. She would always be an outcast. She couldn’t do that to herself. She wouldn’t do that to herself. She already had enough cards stacked against her. So, Korra did what she did best: she ran.
Korra pulled back and turned her head away from Asami, clearing her throat.
“Yea., I know but I don’t like girls…like that, ya know? Also, it’s kinda weird…for girls to date.” Korra said as indifferently as she could, even mixing a hint of disgust in her voice to really drive her point home.
Asami jerked back as if she had been stung and Korra watched in shame as a hurt expression passed briefly across Asami’s face. She would regret this moment for the rest of her life, she was sure of it. Regret purposely being the cause of Asami’s pain, even if only for that brief moment.
“Uh…yea. No, of course. I didn’t mean to imply…I was just fucking with you.” Asami grinned playfully (Although Korra noticed it didn’t really reach her eyes) and lightly shoved Korra’s shoulder, then changed the subject before Korra could dwell on it any longer.
Asami left shortly after that, rejecting Korra’s offer for her to spend the night.
“I think I’m gonna go work on my car, try to clear my head.” Asami had said, smiling softly. “I don’t want to bother you any more than I already have.”
“Asami, you could never bother me. I like being with you.” Korra whispered earnestly.
Asami had looked at Korra strangely before sighing and shaking her head. “I like being with you too Korra. More than you’ll ever know.” She replied, before slipping out into the night and driving off in her car.
Korra had laid in bed that night, drowning in self-hate. She hated that she made Asami feel bad. Hated that she was scared of what would happen if her and Asami ever did kiss. Hated that she even felt this way about Asami. She didn’t want to ruin their friendship. Why couldn’t she just be normal? Was she the only person who felt this way? Maybe if she ignored it, the feeling would go away. No matter how difficult her body and mind would make this for her, she would conquer this.
Korra’s last year of high school went by painfully slow without Asami being there. She spent most of it buried in work, basketball, parties, and school. Her and Asami texted almost every day and on the occasional weekend, Asami would drive down from RCU and hang out with Korra, telling her about her wild college party experiences and her classes.
Containing the feeling was difficult at first. It seemed to intensify as soon as Asami left for college and Korra felt like she would nearly explode every time she saw Asami in person again, but she managed. She had a few flings with random boys from other schools to help take her mind off of what she was going through, but none of them lasted very long. They were all too handsy, too eager, only focused on one thing, and Korra supposed she was too, but still, there had to be a more graceful way to go about it.
At long last, Korra finally graduated from high school, with a full ride basketball scholarship to RCU. Asami helped her move all her stuff into her dorm room at the beginning of summer, since Korra had to be on campus early for freshman basketball camp. It was a long, grueling summer. There wasn’t a day where Korra’s body didn’t ache from the intense workouts that her coach put her and her teammates through, but Korra wouldn’t have changed it for the world. By the end of the summer, Korra had found family in her team through their shared suffering and felt a lot more optimistic about her place on campus and in life in general. She felt like she knew who she was now more than ever. Well…almost. There was still that nagging feeling about Asami that she had to work through, but she believed she at least had the strength to overcome it.
Korra didn’t see Asami much throughout the summer, which Asami complained about often. It’s why she was able to convince Korra so easily to come to a back-to-school frat party with her.
“You need to live a little Korra! It’s been nothing but basketball since you’ve got here. Come out with me? Pleassee? I’ll be the designated driver and I’ll watch over you.” Asami pleaded, pouting at Korra and giving her puppy dog eyes. Of course, she eventually agreed to go. Korra could never say no to that face.
Several hours and six (maybe 8 or 9, she kinda lost track after 4) shots later, Korra really, really wished she had said no to Asami. The pulsing lights were becoming too much, and the dance floor was spinning, and the room was extremely hot, but Korra felt free; she felt free and uninhibited and wild, and that scared the shit out of her. Because all the things she wanted to do while she was sober, she felt comfortable doing now. And it to make matters even worse, the person she wanted to do them with the most was right there in front of her. So, she did them. She pressed her body against Asami’s in the middle of the dance floor and let her hands roam freely. She wrapped her arms around Asami’s neck and planted small kisses along her jawline until she made her way to her ear, sucking in the lobe gently, then releasing it and blowing hot air.
She pulled away slightly to gauge Asami’s reaction and felt an intense pull in her lower stomach when she saw the dark, lidded eyes looking down at her. Asami leaned her head forward, resting it on Korra’s forehead.
“Korra…” she whispered feebly, and Korra, driven by a hunger that she didn’t know was humanly possible, grabbed Asami’s hand and clumsily made her way out to the club parking lot.
The cold night air seemed to snap some sense into Asami, as she soon tried to remove herself from Korra’s grasp.
“Korra. Korra, you’re drunk, we shouldn’t do this. We really shouldn’t-”
Korra shuts Asami up by grabbing the collar of her shirt and pulling her into a searing kiss. She pulls away and sees that Asami is panting, her eyes dark with desire once again. Korra smiles and leans back up, pressing her mouth lightly against Asami’s lips this time.
“Where’s your car, Asami?” Korra murmurs hotly into her mouth, pulling Asami’s bottom lip in between her teeth and sucking on it gently. Asami whimpers and then pulls away to fumble around in her purse for her car keys, pressing the alarm button to locate the vehicle. As soon as Korra hears the first beep, she locks onto Asami’s arm and drags the girl behind her, intent on reaching their destination.
Korra waits impatiently for Asami to disarm the car and unlock the car doors, quickly sliding into the backseat and signaling for Asami to follow her. As soon as Asami closes the door behind her, Korra pounces, swiftly straddling Asami’s lap and planting hot kisses down her neck and across her collarbone. Asami throws her head back and moans, her hands flying to Korra’s waist, encouraging her to continue.
They make out for what feels like hours, and Korra swears that she’s found heaven, right here in the back of Asami’s car. Maybe it’s the alcohol making her feel like this, but at this moment, Korra can’t imagine how she ever felt that this, that kissing Asami, being with Asami, was bad, or dirty, or wrong.
It felt so perfect. The way Asami gently raked her nails through Korra’s hair and over her shoulders, down her back, across her stomach, along her thighs. The way she moaned Korra’s name when Korra sucked on a sensitive spot on her neck. How she gently lifted her hips up to meet Korra’s needy, impatient thrusts. Korra wanted more, so much more. So, she unbuttoned her shorts and gently guided Asami’s hand to where she feels like she needed it the most.
They both gasp when Asami’s hand finally reaches its target, and Korra feels herself grow even wetter at the sound of Asami moaning in excitement.
“Fuck, Korra. You’re so wet.” She groans into Korra’s ear and in response, Korra lets out a pathetic whimper.
“For you, Asami. Only for you.”
Asami growls lowly, using her other hand to pull Korra back down into a bruising kiss. She experimentally runs her fingers through Korra’s slick folds, every so often rubbing against her clit gently. Korra groaned and ground her hips down impatiently, desperately seeking out friction that Asami wasn’t giving her.
“Asami please. Please… I need you…I need you to…nghhhh fuck!” Korra gasps as Asami’s fingers delicately rub across her clit again.
“What do you need me to do, Korra?” Asami mutters throatily. Korra whined pitifully and leaned forward, clasping her hands onto Asami’s shoulders and picking up the pace with her hips.
“Make me cum, Asami. Please, make me cum.” Asami eagerly complied, gliding her fingers up through Korra’s wetness and rubbing firm, small circles around her clit. The only sounds in the car were heavy breathing, Korra’s desperate moans, and the slick sounds of her arousal as Asami relentlessly rubbed her to her peak.
“Ahhh…ahhhh ‘Sami right there. Right there! Fuuuuck, I’m cumming! I’m cumming!”
Korra arched her back and clung to Asami’s shoulders, crying out as her orgasm ripped through her. Asami leaned forward, planting soft kisses along her neck, whispering sweet nothings to Korra as she gently guided her through her orgasm. She didn’t stop rubbing until Korra shuddered weakly and then slouched onto her shoulder in exhaustion. Asami slowly extracted her hand from Korra’s shorts and wiped it off on her own shirt, then reached over and gently pushed a strand of hair behind Korra’s ear.
Korra groggily popped one eye open and gave Asami a lazy smile.
“Hi.” She whispered.
Asami laughed breathily, the vibrations sending a chill down Korra’s spine. “Hi yourself.”
Korra slowly sat up and leaned back, resting against the back of the driver’s head rest. She grasped one of Asami’s hands and brought it up tenderly to her mouth, pressing small kisses on the back of her closed fist. Asami gently opened her hand, allowing Korra to plant kisses along her fingers, slowly sucking one digit into her mouth, making Asami whimper and squirm in her seat.
“You want me to do you too?” Korra whispered into the palm of her hand, nuzzling it against her face. Asami shook her head no.
“I don’t want you to do anything to me unless you’re in your right mind Korra.”
“My mind has never been clearer Asami.” Korra said drowsily.
Asami laughed. “You’re staying with me tonight. So, I can keep an eye on you.”
“If you want me in your bed Sato, just ask me.” Korra said, trying to sound seductive but her orgasm had drained a lot of energy out of her.
Asami rolled her eyes but looked at Korra fondly. “I’ll talk to you in the morning Korra.”
But Korra didn’t give her a chance to. At least, not in the way she knew Asami wanted to talk. Come morning, Korra woke up hungover and scared. What the hell had gotten into her last night? After years of self-restraint and carefully built walls, her entire operation had come crumbling down thanks to a few measly shots of fermented grain. She felt weak and not in control of her own body, and Korra hated feeling weak. This couldn’t happen again. Ever.
“I was so drunk last night Asami, I’m so sorry if I did anything to make you uncomfortable. I’m never drinking again.” Korra said sheepishly.
Asami nodded slowly, staring at Korra over the rim of her coffee cup.
“So…last night was…a slip up.” Asami said, not asking a question, more so just making a statement. Korra answered her anyway.
“Yea, I’m really, really sorry. It was my first time being drunk like that and I wasn’t…I wasn’t in my right mind. I don’t want this to…to ruin our friendship.” That was her worst fear, aside from being cast away from society for her “condition”. Losing Asami would be the absolute last straw. Asami looked like she was in deep thought for several seconds, the longest seconds of Korra’s life, and then she smiled.
“Of course, it won’t ruin our friendship dork. Now I just have to make sure to keep an eye on you when we party together. No. more. Alcohol.” Asami said, playfully wagging her finger at Korra.
Korra grinned, relieved, and hopped onto Asami’s kitchen counter.
“So, what’s for breakfast?”
“Pancakes. Duh.”
It happened again. And again. And again, until it was like some sort of twisted routine. Korra would take 6, 7, 8 shots and inhale a couple of other random mixed drinks before stumbling around the club or some fraternity house, or a bar, which ever vicinity the party would be in, tripping over her feet until she made her way to Asami. She would pull her outside into the crisp night air and hungrily attack her lips, her hands shaking from her desperation. Asami would gently guide them to her car and they would scramble into the backseat, pushing clothes to the side and not stopping until Korra was satisfied. Multiple times she would try to return the favor, but Asami refused.
“I want you to want me Korra.”
“I do want you. Let me touch you Asami. Please?” Korra would beg, but Asami held firm.
“This isn’t real. This isn’t you. I don’t want you like this.”
Korra understood what she meant, but that wasn’t enough to stop her. Eventually the amount of shots she would need to take to lose control of her inhibitions increased to 10, sometimes 11 or 12, and a shit load of mixed drinks on the side. She found that when she was drunk, a lot of actions that were normally heinous were temporarily deemed forgivable. Girls could kiss each other, make out, have sex, and it didn’t mean anything. She loved the freedom this allowed her. She could be with Asami guilt free. It wasn’t her that was doing those things; it was the alcohol in her system. And Asami was so sweet, so understanding. Always there for her.
In sober moments, Korra would think about Asami in ways that would normally terrify her, but not anymore. She was able to console herself, knowing that she would get the chance to live out her deepest, darkest fantasies about Asami at some frat boy’s house the upcoming weekend. And it would be fine, because she was under the influence. Korra had finally found a safety net. And for a while, everything was perfect.
Korra knew it wouldn’t last long. She knew the kind of person Asami was. Knew the kind of person Asami deserved to be with. And at the moment, it wasn’t Korra. Asami deserved better than to be someone’s drunken hookup. She deserved to be loved loudly and openly. She deserved a date where she could feel the sun on her skin and feel the breeze through her hair. She deserved roses, and edible arrangements and cheesy but adorable picnic dates. Korra knew all this, but that still didn’t stop it from hurting so bad.
“Korra… I can’t do this anymore.” Asami had finally said. Korra looked up from her pancakes, frozen in fear. She knew this was coming, really should have prepared for it honestly. Why the fuck didn’t she prepare for it?
“Do what?” she asks dumbly. Maybe she could still string it on for a while. One more time, at least. One more guilt free night with the girl she was now sure she was in love with.
Asami sighed, putting down her coffee cup and making her way to sit across from Korra at the table.
“You know what I’m talking about Korra. Don’t play dumb.”
Korra looked down at the table in embarrassment, choosing not to say anything more. She stared at a crack in Asami’s dining table, running her finger smoothly along the deep groove. Good things always come to an end.
“Korra,” Asami continued, hesitant, “Korra, I like you. I really, really like you. I have for a long time now.”
Korra inhaled sharply but kept her gaze down. She couldn’t look at Asami right now. She was sober. She was aware of her actions. If she did something now, it would be completely on her. There would be no one, nothing to blame but her. She wasn’t ready to carry that, not now, not when she had finally created her own place in the world. So, she kept her head down.
“I’m not…I’m not forcing you to make a decision. I just can’t do this with you anymore. I won’t do this anymore. I wake up the next morning feeling so…dirty. And used. I just...” Asami pauses, taking a deep breath to try and collect herself. Korra isn’t looking at her, but she’s almost certain that if she was, there would be tears in Asami’s eyes.
“I still want to be friends, or maybe if you…feel the same…” She lets the sentence hang in the air, waiting for Korra to say something, do something, but Korra remains silent, keeping her eyes glued on the crack, that single, annoying ass crack in the nearly perfect table.
‘It’s gonna grow bigger if she doesn’t get it fixed soon.’
Asami sighs, taking Korra’s silence as an answer.
“As I said, still friends. But I’m not doing this anymore.” With that, Asami rises from the table and exits the room, most likely to shower and prep for a day full of studying. Korra remains seated for a while before she finally pulls herself from the table and discreetly slips out the front door, not bothering to say goodbye.
Asami had laid it all out on the table, literally. She liked Korra, had told her plain and simple, and apparently had liked her for a long time. All Korra had to do was say the word, and Asami was hers. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t, she couldn’t, she couldn’t. That would ruin everything. What would her dad think? Her family? Her friends? Her coach? Girls didn’t date each other. Whether it was explicitly said by her peers or marriage laws or implicitly expressed by her aunt’s and uncle’s relentless questions about potential boys that Korra might be interested in, the message was loud and clear. Girls were not supposed to like each other. So, why did she feel this way about Asami? Why wouldn’t it go away, even when she was sober? Why couldn’t she just be normal.
There was nothing in this world, absolutely nothing Korra hated more than not having the answer to something. The question would gnaw at her, pick its way through her brain while she slept at night, weigh down in the pit of her stomach until she felt like she was going to drown under the burden of it. She dealt with this the only way she knew how, except this time, her running was drinking and partying. She would go to parties and fill herself with intoxicants and make out with boys, desperately trying to chase the feeling that kissing Asami gave her. None of them came even remotely close, not a single one. She would stumble out of the cab at the end of the night and slump onto her living room couch, cold, numb, and alone. No amount of alcohol could keep the loneliness at bay.
She felt her friendship with Asami slipping away, but she was too scared to reach out. What would they even talk about now, with Asami’s confession looming over their heads? Korra didn’t trust herself to not act on her impulses, so she kept her distance. Asami would find someone who could love her better than Korra. Maybe this was for the best, even though it didn’t feel like it at the time.
That’s what she thought of course, until she actually saw it in real time. She was rushing to her 8 am economics class after another hazy weekend spent drunk and partying, when she saw them. They were sitting on a bench in the corner of the field, underneath a birch tree. The snow was falling prettily around them and Asami tilted her head upwards, laughing. Her nose and cheeks were red from the cold and she bought a gloved hand up to push her hair behind her ear and adjust her beanie. The man next to her looked at her fondly, his eyes full of wonder and admiration, much how Korra often looked at her. He bought his hand up to brush a snowflake off her face and Korra saw Asami lean into his touch.
She ran. She ran as far away as she could, to the nearest bathroom she could find and slammed the door shut, sinking to the floor and sobbing, her tears hot as they slid down her face. Her worst fear had come true. She had lost the only person in her life who accepted her for who she was, who still wanted her, even after seeing all her flaws. And it was all Korra’s fault. She had been so scared, so so scared to love Asami out loud, but now she wasn’t sure why. There couldn’t possibly be anything worse than this, than seeing her with someone else. She suddenly realized that she didn’t care. She genuinely didn’t care what anyone thought of her, what people said about her, how they felt about her, as long as she had Asami. She didn’t want to be normal if it meant that she couldn’t be with Asami. Maybe…maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe she could still tell her.
She skipped all her classes for the rest of the day, and instead waited in front of Asami’s door, too anxious to go back to her own room. She was there for hours, her mind running through the possible outcomes. When she finally heard the elevator ding, she got up nervously, clutching her hands in front of her. Asami stepped off with her head down, digging through her purse for her keys. She didn’t look up until Korra cleared her throat.
“Korra.” She said simply, an unreadable expression on her face.
Korra’s mind went completely blank, her prepared speech flying out the window now that she was face to face with its intended audience. She had to be the first to talk. She wouldn’t make Asami be the one to initiate this. It had to be Korra. So, when she saw Asami open her mouth to speak, she quickly blurted out the first thing on her mind, the only thing that had been on her mind for the past two years.
“Asami, I’m in love with you.” Shit.
Asami’s mouth snapped shut and her eyes widened in surprise. Korra had said it. She had finally said it, and Jesus Christ, she didn’t know she would be so relieved. It had felt so good to say out loud. She wanted to say it again. So, she did.
“I’m in love with you.” She repeated, this time slower, surer. “I want to be with you. If you’ll have me, I… Asami I can’t live without you.” Asami’s silence was starting to scare Korra a bit. She had planned for this to turn out multiple different ways, but a quiet Asami was definitely not in one of the scenarios. She quickly tried to readjust her game plan, but her thought process was halted when she saw Asami slowly start walking towards Korra.
Okay, we got some movement here. That’s good, that’s good. Wait, unless she’s moving forward to slap the shit out of me, I should-
Korra flinches when Asami leans slightly past her to unlock the door to her apartment, still holding Korra’s gaze and gesturing for her to go in.
Korra did so, hesitantly. She wasn’t sure what to do with herself, so she made her way to the living room and sat on the edge of the couch, watching Asami carefully.
Asami took off her coat and shoes and shook her hair out as she removed her beanie, throwing it on her kitchen counter. She took her time walking to her fireplace and getting a fire started, then back to the kitchen, filling two glasses up with water. She handed a glass to Korra and then sat down next to her on the couch. She took a sip of water, her eyes roaming Korra’s face, studying her. Korra couldn’t take the silence anymore.
“Asami-” She started, but Asami shushed her, pressing her index finger against Korra’s lips. Korra’s eyes fluttered close and she shivered.
Finally, Asami spoke. “You’re not drunk.” She declared. Korra shook her head no, set her glass down on the table.
“And you want me.” She said, her voice a bit huskier. Asami still had her finger against Korra’s lips, so Korra took the opportunity to gently kiss it.
“So bad. I want you so bad ‘Sami.” She whispered against the digit. She looked up to see Asami’s eyes black with lust.
“Then take me, Korra.” She whispered, and Korra didn’t need to be told twice. She roughly pulled Asami into her arms and kissed her with all the passion, all the love, all the longing she had felt for the past two years. Korra kissed Asami with everything she had in her, kissed her until her body forced her to pull away slightly and gasp for air.
“Bed?” Korra panted, pleading. Asami whimpered and nodded her head enthusiastically, jumping to her feet and nearly dragging Korra to her room, both girls giggling in excitement about what was to come.
In the afterglow, Korra would cling to Asami and wonder how she could ever have been scared of this. Asami was so beautiful, had melted in Korra’s hands so easily, their bodies slotting together so perfectly, it’s almost like they were puzzle pieces, a lock and a key, made for each other. Korra lifted her head to gaze up at Asami from her position snuggled on Asami’s chest, only to find that she was looking down at Korra. They both smiled and Korra leaned up to plant a gentle kiss on Asami’s lips.
“So…do you wanna get a milkshake with me after this?” Korra asked sheepishly. Asami threw her head back and laughed.
“God, you’re such a dork.” Asami rolled her eyes. Korra simply grinned.
“I’m your dork.”
“Yes, you’re my dork…I love you, Korra.” Asami said, her tone a bit more serious. Korra leaned up once more to kiss Asami, trying her hardest to pass all her feelings through the exchange. She wanted Asami to feel it, to feel her. She wasn’t going anywhere. Ever. No more running. Korra had finally crossed the finish line of her race to self-acceptance. And she embraced her prize with open arms.
“I love you too, Asami.”