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Zewu-Jun,
Please forgive my forwardness in writing to you. I have been struggling of late to integrate myself back into normal life. My recovery from my attempt to take my life has been long and burdened by setbacks. The most unpleasant business with my husband has left me reeling; mourning my son anew has been more than a soul should have to bear. I find that I trust very few around me; I no longer trust myself to assess the integrity of others.
I open this correspondence in the hope that we can find some comfort in speaking plainly with another who shares a similar grief - though the deeds were unconscionable, he was still beloved by us both.
I hope you feel similarly,
Qin Su
Qin-Furen,
I thank you for showing such courage, and am glad you are recovering from your injuries. Your correspondence is welcome, though I cannot promise consistent replies; I too, have found myself awry of my usual clarity, my focus has been lacking. I find myself regularly descending into black moods from which nothing can drag me, only to suddenly emerge once again into good humour.
Thus, I have sent myself into seclusion until I am more consistently myself; it would not be becoming as a Sect Leader to snarl and rage, or openly weep for no readily-apparent reason.
Today, I have found the quiet brushing of ink onto paper a calming poultice for my soul; tomorrow is an unknown quantity. Perhaps I shall grow angry at the weight of the brush in my hand, or the inconsistency of the ink. Perhaps I shall do nought but weep and stain the page with my tears. There is no small chance that I shall simply be too overcome to leave the bed at all, a state which greatly distresses my brother. It is simply easier if they are not allowed to witness such appallingly unstable behaviours.
Please do not consider any matter too trivial or weighty to commit to a letter. Further, please do not feel compelled to use my titles - this shall be a correspondence between friends.
Yours in gratitude,
Lan Xichen
Lan-Zongzhu,
Please find enclosed a missive from my servant, Sisi, who you may remember from revelations at Lotus Pier. The correspondence is her own, unread by my eyes, she requested only that I provide an introduction.
Regards,
Nie-Zongzhu
Honourable Zewu-Jun,
Please forgive this humble one for reaching out in such an impertinent manner. I have heard through the usual channels that you decided to go into seclusion after the sorry business at Guanyin Temple, and remained there for several years now. Should you need to reach out in any way, I would like to offer my services as an unbiased ear. My experiences with the cultivation sect have shown me that the gentlemen within are not always kind.
You have experienced an exceptional trauma; though clearly of a different nature I have some experience in recovery from such matters.
Yours in sympathy,
SiSi
SiSi-niangzi
Your letter was a pleasant surprise. The forthrightness of your assessment of the situation is a pleasant change to the allusions I hear from the healers and my Uncle. I have, indeed, gone into seclusion as a result of the events at Guanyin Temple, and I thank you for your concern and accompanying offer.
I would be grateful for any advice you think is pertinent for recovery, particularly in regards to the reclamation of one’s self-image once it has been destroyed.
Yours in appreciation,
Lan-Zongzhu