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Gentle rays were slowly invading her dark vision. She fluttered her lids open to see her navy ceiling. It was incredibly warm when Kirari gained her consciousness little by little. She glanced at the silver curtains covering large windows. Dim sunlight penetrated through those curtains meaning the day has just begun and it was still too early to do anything.
Soft lavender scent filled her senses. At the same time, she just recognized the light pressures on her body. She lowered her head to see what it was.
Sayaka.
Dark violet strands filled her sight. Her lover’s head lied on her left shoulder. She then looked lower to an arm lied on her stomach. Her lips turned into a smile. Well at least their skin wasn’t bare. Not this time.
They had been together for almost a month now. Well, they didn’t exactly clarify anything, only confessed their feelings on lily field. But that didn’t matter. She knew Sayaka was only belong to her. And she couldn’t imagine giving her eyes to another human being beside her secretary.
She then recalled their first of many sleepovers.
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.
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Kirari invited her secretary to the Momobami's Residence. Sayaka looked exhausted all day. But she knew she would pull an all-nighter again. So, to prevent it from happening, she had to make her loved one well rested herself.
“But what are we going to do at your place, President?” Sayaka asked, face flushed and all.
Kirari hummed. “Why? Well, I just want to spend time with my dear secretary. Do I have to need a reason?” She looked at Sayaka with a smile plastered on her face.
“I-is that so? Then…” The red on her cheeks deepened.
“Besides, it has been raining since noon. So, I have to make sure you’re warm and nice.” Ironic. How did those words come out from the most cold and heartless person?
But she was right though. The sun almost set and the rain wouldn’t stop anytime soon, even when they arrived at her place. So, certainly it would be extremely cold by night.
Kirari introduced room after room on the first floor until finally both of them reached the upper floor.
“These are the guest rooms, each one of them has their own bathroom,” explained Kirari, referring to the first five doors after they reached the second floor. “And do you see those two doors at the end of this hallway? The one on the left is Ririka’s and the other is mine.”
Kirari turned to face the smaller girl. “We should wash ourselves first. You’re free to choose which room you’re going to use.” She smirked as she whispered to Sayaka’s ear. “I suggest you to choose mine though. It’ll be much warmer if we shower together.”
Giggles came out her lips when she heard Sayaka squealed and backed off her until her back hit the wall.
“N-no thank you, President. Maybe next time- I mean, no! I m-mean, not now- Ugh... Why is this so hard???” Sayaka hid her burning face between her palms.
After her chuckles died down, Kirari slowly caressed tied violet hair on the opposite side of white ribbon. “Pardon my silly jokes, Sayaka.” Her other hand took one of Sayaka’s hand so a beautiful shade of pink on those cheeks wasn’t covered up anymore.
She brought that hand to her face, closed her eyes and kissed the palm. She let her lips stayed there as she opened her eyes. “Just pick the nearest one from my room. I’ll bring you something warm to wear and inform a servant to fetch your uniform. After you finish, please do come to my room.” Kirari lowered their hands and began to walk away, slowly let go of Sayaka’s hand.
Before fully turned her back to Sayaka, Kirari glanced at her secretary. “Oh, and I’m certainly looking forward for the ‘next time’’’ She winked.
“President... Please stop teasing me…” Sayaka whined before hurriedly stepped in the mentioned bedroom.
Kirari let out an amused smile as she walked to her own room.
.
Sayaka dipped her head lower to the comforting warm water before her. The soap and shampoo smelled like her president and she could finally feel relaxed on that day.
It had been almost a week since they declared their feelings to each other after jumping out of five floors tower. They didn’t exactly confirm what their status was, but that was fine. She would always be at her president side no matter what.
But Kirari’s constant teasing only increased two times after that. They weren’t unwelcomed but they could be overwhelming for her poor heart. Therefore, she savored every minute slackened here while she can.
But she couldn’t feel relaxed too long though. She didn’t want her president to wait too long for her in her room. So, the second she knew it had been 15 minutes there, she stood up from the bathtub, dried herself, and put on a bathrobe.
While drying her hair, Sayaka thought about earlier event. She remembered how soft Kirari’s lips was on the surface of her palm. She wondered how would they feel if they were on her own lips instead of her hand.
Sayaka abruptly put the hair dryer back to its place. Alright, stop right there. Before her imagination got the best of her, she stepped out of the bathroom.
The guest room was easily twice as big as her dorm room. This was only the guest room, she wondered how big Kirari’s room was. Well, she would find out later though. For now, she had to find out what was the pile of clothes on the queen-size bed that certainly wasn’t there before. Maybe she was too focused on her bath that she failed to notice the president entered and put the clothes there, she thought.
Sayaka then approached the pile because the weather was getting cold and the bathrobe surely didn’t help. She unwrapped it and found a white bushy sweater and a thick dark chocolate legging.
Sayaka blinked and blushed. They were no doubt the president’s, because of the bigger size and the scent. God, her scent. But she also genuinely surprised the older girl had somethings so… casual.
She slid off the bathrobe and picked up the sweater. But when she saw the back of the cloth, she froze.
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Two quick and one slow knocks came from outside her door while Kirari set up two cups of hot chocolate on top of a table near her large windows. She sat on a wide couch next to it, facing the raining scene.
“Come in.” That type of knocks were only done by her twin, so she immediately knew who was before her bedroom door.
Ririka then stepped in, holding a small folded paper. “Here is the thing you requested me to,” Ririka said, handing that paper which contained powdered sleeping pill. “But why did you need it though? I thought you aren’t fond of sleeping.”
“I’m not. It’s not for me.” When Kirari answered that, Ririka just realized the two boiling cups in front of her.
“So, Igarashi is coming over then. But is the drug really necessary?” She watched Kirari poured out the powder to the cup on the left and stirred it.
“It is. You know how worked up Sayaka is near my presence. But I need her to rest. I had to make sure she got the rest she needs by taking her here. If I let her alone in her dorm, she’ll surely got caught up in paperwork again till dawn.”
“I see. It seems like you know her more than she knows herself.” Hell, she knows Sayaka more than she knows her own self. Kirari only smiled at this. “Looks like I have to get going before Igarashi comes here.” She turned.
Kirari nodded. “Yes, thank you for your assist.” But before Ririka could turn the door knob, a knock heard from outside. She sighed before turning the knob.
“Ah! Good evening, vice president.” Sayaka said politely before bowed. Ririka watched the large sweater hugging slender body before her. She raised her eyebrow when she saw the huge Momobami crest attached to the back of the cloth.
Ririka turned her body back to her sister. Kirari narrowed her eyes to her as if to tell her to stay silent. But, oh, it seems Mary impact started to affect her, because all she wanted to do now is to confront her twin.
She turned back to the secretary. “Good evening too, Igarashi. Please get in. I was just about to get back to my room.” Ririka said, stepping aside for Sayaka to get in. “But before I go.” She locked her eyes with another blue orbs. “Sister, may I ask something?”
Kirari irises glowed as she answered, “Yes, you may.”
“Is the sweater Igarashi wearing right now is the same one you brought to sleep for the past few nights?” She let herself put out an amused smile when she watched her sister’s secretary nearly tripped and her sister herself brought a hand to her lips and cleared out her throat.
“Yes, it is the same one.”
Ririka smirked. “Figures.” She said before stepped out the room and closed the door.
What was that about? “I- Brought this to sleep? Did you not wear it, President?” Sayaka asked while she walked to the vacant spot beside Kirari that she signaled it for her to sit.
When she reached the spot, she was just aware about the president’s appearance. She wore a soft blue nightgown while her platinum hair flowed down her bare shoulders. Sayaka couldn’t help but blushed and thought, how on earth is the president not freezing to death right now.
Kirari picked up one of the cups on the table. “Well… I noticed that the temperature decreased lately. So, I want to bring one of my sweaters to school.” She glanced at Sayaka. “And give it to you, in case the weather is too cold for you.” And to see you in my clothes.
Sayaka felt heat rising up her face, so she tried to hide it by bringing her hands, covered by long sleeves, up to her face, covering her nose. “O-oh, I see… But what about yourself? And that doesn’t explain why did you bring it to sleep.”
“You see how I’m wearing a nightgown instead of something warm? It’s because I can’t feel cold.” Kirari took a sip and placed it back on the table. “I brought the sweater with me to sleep, but I couldn’t wear it. It would make me burned up. Therefore, I just hugged it all night, so when I give it to you, it will smelled exactly like me.”
Her heart pounding loudly on her ears after hearing the president’s words. So that was why Kirari’s skin always so cold. Every time she touched her; the burning heat of her own skin was met by ice skin. It wasn’t unpleasant, really, in fact, it was quite the contrary.
The smaller girl shyly sniffed one of the sleeves that covered up her hands, because it was too long for her, with a remarkable shade of red on her face. “Ah, yes… It’s undeniably smelled exactly like you, President…” Sayaka managed to speak with small voice.
Kirari swore to her matriarch, if she hadn’t remembered what the actual reason why she invited Sayaka here, she would no doubt be taking her right then and there. Her secretary was always incredibly adorable, even if she was in school uniform. However, there was something that made a lovely girl that wore her clothes, size bigger till she could see a collarbone, hands covered up in sleeves, and surrounded by her scent, be ten times cuter that usual.
“…President?”
Kirari blinked. Sayaka watched her with flustered look, still sniffing to her sleeves. It seemed like Kirari eyeing her secretary too long than she had anticipated. She cleared her throat. “Forgive my gaze, Sayaka. You’re simply too lovely to be ignored.” Kirari picked up the hot chocolate again to distract her thoughts. “Ah, and please do drink the chocolate before it becomes too cold.”
They sat in a comfortable silence after that, sipping their hot chocolates. The rain still hadn’t stopped, but definitely lighter than before. It was only a matter of time before the sleeping drug works. Kirari decided to ask the question that had been in her mind for a while.
“Sayaka, have you ever dated anyone before?” Kirari watched her secretary nearly spilled her drink after she asked. Kirari chuckled. “Relax, my dear. I’m just curious.” She looked at Sayaka fidgeting her fingers around the cup. Her own uneasiness began to grow. Surely a strict and composed girl like Sayaka haven’t-
“…Midari.”
Her head snapped faster than she had expected. This time it was her own chocolate that almost spilled. Midari? Really? Of all people?
“W-we were still in middle school! I-it’s not like it’s special or anything! We didn’t exactly have a-a status. It’s just we knew the feelings are mutual. We were both numb and l-lonely.”
“I see… It’s just so unlike you to be with such mischievous person.” The cold in her voice couldn’t be ignored, but she couldn’t help it.
“Yes… Midari is reckless. Very much so. But she was always there. I was cold and alone. And she was warm.”
Kirari clenched her fingers tight around her cup. Warm. I’m anything but warm. Everything about her was ice cold. That was why she wanted to give the sweater to Sayaka. To give her warmth that she herself couldn’t have.
Sayaka seemed to notice her uneasiness, because she added, “Although it was fun and all, I couldn’t deal with her mischief too long. It became unbearable and I had rank that I must keep. It didn’t even last two months” That’s still outrageously long. Kirari didn’t say it.
Fun and warmth. Two things she couldn’t get and give. She didn’t know happiness when she was only a child, so now she stole it from others for her own fun. She didn’t get any warmth when she was a child. So, when her secretary gave her warmth, she never wanted to let it go. But what if Sayaka couldn’t give her warmth anymore? Because she was too cold, that she needed warmth, but Kirari didn’t have it. What if she started seeking warmth from other because Kirari couldn’t give it? What if she got back with Midari who could give her warmth like before? What if-
Suddenly a light pressure felt on her left cheek. Kirari widened her eyes. The pressure only remained there for two seconds, much to her dismay, before pulled back. Slowly, she turned her head to the younger girl beside her. Sayaka buried her head to her sleeves. Her ears and neck were bright pink.
“Did you just… kiss me?” The question sounded ridiculous but she needed to make sure.
“I-I-I’m sorry! You looked so distressed after we discussed about Midari! S-so I wanted to cheer you up.” Her lips stuttered, her hands fidgeted, and her eyes flickered. “A-a-and I wanted you to know that now I’m here with you and not her… So, you don’t have to worry about her. I-if that even what you were worried about!” Sayaka cried out.
After a good moment of silence, Sayaka finally peeked out from her sleeves. Her president didn’t say any single thing and it started to concern her.
“President…?”
“More.”
Sayaka looked up to the steel voice’s source. She found dark gaze and fingers pointing to a pair of blue lips. Here, the fingers said. She widened her eyes. T-t-there? With uncertainty and trembled hands supporting her body, Sayaka moved closer to those lips.
Kirari swore it felt like ages rather than a few seconds. Sayaka’s lips were only an inch apart from hers, when Kirari couldn’t take it anymore. Her large, slender hands found themselves pulling slim hips as she captured the other’s lips with hunger. The smaller girl trembled and gasped before returned her attack. She felt a hand, smaller than hers, on the back of her neck, pulling her closer, and other smaller hand torturing her platinum hair. Her own hands also kept pulling those hips, closer, and closer until somehow the younger girl’s body was on top of her.
Suddenly Sayaka pulled apart from her, still sticking their foreheads together. Kirari watched her desperately trying to catch her breath to the point she couldn’t even keep her eyes open. Lips swollen, tears-stained eyes, sweats streamed down her forehead and neck. And when she opened her eyes, Kirari saw the usual dark void of onyx, glowed with tears streaming from it. Before she could help it, her strong arms hugged the waist on top of her and pulled it as close as possible.
“More.”
Demanded Kirari before she slammed their mouths back. Sayaka tasted wonderful and she was already addicted the moment their lips linked. She wanted to feel it forever. Sayaka’s hands pulled her hair till it stings, but she couldn’t care less. Her own hands wandered the small back but didn’t get to below the cloth, not yet.
Kirari felt her lover whimpered as she trying to pushed herself off her grasped. But, oh no, Kirari wouldn’t take it. When she felt Sayaka’s lips began to part from hers, she bit her lower lip, hard, so that their lips got back together. Every time Sayaka tried to breath, she would capture her lips again, and again. At first, Sayaka only whined and tried to push Kirari’s shoulders weakly. But, over time it became loud sobs and fists beating up her shoulders.
No, no, no. Don’t go please. You’re so warm. I need your warmth. I need you. Please don’t leave me.
Before Sayaka knew, her sharp nail accidentally clawed the porcelain cheek in front of her. That caused Kirari to let go of her streak of assault. Sayaka inhaled deeply as if she hadn’t breathed in days. Her lungs burned so bad, it felt like she could die anytime soon. She dipped her head to Kirari’s neck. Her shallow gasps filled with sobs till the point where it didn’t even pleasant to hear.
Only then, Kirari realized that her lungs were also burning and tears also streaming down her cheeks. Her tears. She laid her forehead on the trembling shoulder in front of her. She felt her tears damped the sweater. She listened to the shallow, raspy breath and sobs as she tried to catch her own breath too.
How did it become like this? She invited Sayaka here to rest for God’s sake. But here she was, stealing the breath from her until she suffocated. Just because of her greedy self.
Sayaka’s breath seemed to not be back anytime soon while Kirari’s was already calm. But not her mind, oh dear no. Carefully, she slid her arms back to hug the small waist, because if she wasn’t, she feared the fragile girl before her would shatter. She put her face to Sayaka’s neck, gently, with tears still pouring out her eyes.
Kirari murmured with hitched breath. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I'm dreadful, please don’t forgive me. “I love you. I love you so bad. I-“ I don’t deserve your love, please don’t love me. Please don’t… Please… give me love…
Hiccup escaped Kirari’s lips. The sound made Sayaka leaned back from Kirari’s neck. Her breath was a lot smoother now. She’s calmer and had stopped crying. She slowly pushed the shoulders in front of her to get the better look on the older girl’s face.
Disordered platinum hair replaced neat twin loops braids. Her normally filled with cold and threats orbs replaced by quivering irises with tears pouring out from them. Her flawless porcelain cheeks stained by tears and a light scratch from her nail. Her blue lipstick coated the lips that usually formed an amused smile or a smug smirk, now smudged and almost gone. She looked messy, disheveled, fragile.
And she looked beautiful.
She tried to return Kirari’s declaration, but she couldn’t find her voice. So, she tried to show it instead. Sayaka cupped those cheeks with her hands. Her palms looked small on Kirari’s face, only covered the cheeks. Gently, she pulled her face to hers. She kissed the scar first then both eyelids. An apology and forgiveness. Then, slowly she put her lips back home. Kirari’s lips felt like tears and sweat, and she believed hers felt the same. But it wasn’t unpleasant. And she wouldn’t want it any other way.
Her heart swelled, Kirari. Sayaka’s kiss was nothing like hers. So innocent, so tender, so warm… She touched her as if she could break anytime soon. A very contrary with her.
Sayaka pulled back, slowly. And Kirari let her go this time. She watched Sayaka shyly fluttered her eyelids open. The moment onyx orbs met aquamarine, Sayaka immediately hid her face to the crook of neck in front of her. Giggles came out of Kirari’s mouth as the girl on top of her whined.
And just like that, they were back to their usual selves. Sayaka’s impact on her was incredible. She organized the chaos in Kirari’s life. She couldn’t imagine a world without her secretary. If she hadn’t met her back then in her first year, she would be gone by now.
She could feel Sayaka’s breath and pulse becoming calmer each minute. Her hand gave tender strokes to small back. Only then she remembered her family crest on the back of the sweater. Kirari’s heart tightened.
“Sayaka, dear” She felt the other’s heart skipped a beat. Ouch. She didn’t mean to ruin those steady rhythms. Sayaka didn’t respond to her but she knew she was listening. “You looked wonderful in my clothes.” The smaller girl dipped her face deeper to her neck, flustered. Kirari smiled. “I regret not gave them sooner.”
A few minutes passed with soft breaths and soft strokes. Kirari brought her fingers to follow the pattern of the Momobami crest. She whispered. “I vow that someday I’ll make it real.” When she didn’t hear any hitched breath, she realized her lover had been asleep.
Carefully, she stood up with her girl in her arms and brought her to her bed. With absolute tenderness, she laid her down and pulled her sheets up to her chest. After that, she sat on the edge and watched the other girl’s sleeping face for a solid ten minutes.
Kirari then rose up and put her lips on Sayaka’s forehead for a few seconds before returned to her spot before. Her plan to continue watch the other girl sleep seemed to fail as she noticed Sayaka’s eyelids began to flutter open. Great, now I woke her. Her drowsy eyes seemed puzzled for a moment before she noticed Kirari on her side.
“Kirari…?”
Kirari felt her heart throbbed in her chest. She almost didn’t notice her voice because of how weak it was. My name never sounds so beautiful before.
“Forgive me, Sayaka. It seems I unintentionally woke you up. Please resume your sleep,” Kirari said with low, gentle voice.
Sayaka frowned. “Are you not going to sleep as well?” Her voice barely there but fortunately Kirari heard it.
No, I want to watch you sleep and listen to your breath. “Yes, actually I’m about to leave. Please re-“
“Stay.”
Kirari blinked. Sleepy onyx irises looked at her with plea.
“Here. Stay here. Sleep. Please?” Sayaka murmured as she struggled to keep her eyes opened.
Sayaka, my chest hurts.
Kirari shook her head. “My skin is cold, Sayaka. I don’t want you to be cold.”
Sayaka shook her head too, weakly. “You could never make me cold, President.”
Kirari didn’t answer to that. So Sayaka continued, “Your cold will never affect me, President. I’m the one who will make you warm instead.” Sayaka said before her eyelids gradually closed.
Ah, my heart hurts so bad…
With that, Kirari gave up and slowly got into the sheet. When she laid down, she heard Sayaka shifted closer to her. Then, she felt the other’s head on her shoulder.
Did I mention that my heart hurts?
So, Kirari hugged her lover’s waist from the side and pulled her closer. And Kirari never knew what home felt like until now.
And she didn’t know if heaven-hell concept was real or not. But she knew if it was real, she wouldn’t get to enter the gate surrounded by angels. Because she had been given all the luck in this world, in this life, that no more luck for her afterlife. And she knew if it was real, she would be going to eternal suffering, because she used one of her lucks to bring a violet-haired angel down to this godawful world. So, before this life ended and she got to be punished and her angel had to go home, she wanted to cherish it will all her might. She wanted to sucked these moments up to her soul, so that even if she burned with the most thermal flames, these memories, these feelings, still lingered with her spirit.
.
.
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Their first sleepover was ecstatic. Kirari ended up watching her secretary sleep until predawn. Because that was her bedtime. But unlike before, her bed didn’t feel hollow and lonely. Instead, it felt warm and full.
And she didn’t want to go back to her lonely bed, so she invited Sayaka over and over till the point where anyone could say she was living here instead of the dorm.
She even provided two sets of uniforms with Sayaka’s size. But she forbade Sayaka to bring any of her own clothes here. Because Sayaka wearing her clothes was her second most favorite view in the world. Oh, and the first one was definitely not naked Sayaka, definitely not.
Kirari inhaled her favorite scent from violet hair before her. Although Sayaka always wore her clothes, her soap, her shampoo, and everything, the sweet lavender scent from her still lingered no matter what.
Sayaka was right. She’s always right. The coldness from her didn’t affect the girl one bit. Instead, she was the one who getting warmer and warmer each day she woke up with her lover in her arms.
Others always said that she was a heartless person. But they didn't understand. They didn't know how her chest ached everytime she catched those gorgeous dark eyes. They didn't know how she wished she could grab the entire space and gave it to her on one knee. They didn't know that she would do anything for both of them to be locked up in this room, shielded from anything that could seperate them, and never came out. Others always said she didn't have any love in her heart. Oh silly, no. She had it. She had it more than words could tell. But they didn't know that she gave every bit of her love to the girl in her arms right now, until there's no more left of it for the world.
Kirari smiled. She didn’t give a goddamn thing about flames nor angels.
Because for now, she was at home.
And she wanted to keep the feeling forever.