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They warned him, "One day you might lose your spark"
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It wasn’t supposed to happen. It was never supposed to happen. Even as he stared wide-eyed, his brain couldn’t process that no matter how he felt or what he thought, it wouldn’t change the fact that it was happening.
It was inevitable, and there was no stopping it.
He was watching Roronoa Zoro die.
Watching his boyfriend die.
The ring in Sanji’s pocket weighed heavy. It was supposed to be tonight after dinner that Zoro would-- hopefully -- become his fiance and soon after, his husband.
But that would never happen. It was no longer a possibility.
His body moved, pushing Chopper to the ground and distantly he registered someone yelling, telling the boy to stay down, to cover his eyes. He realized belatedly that it was himself. His world was near silent, only the bump of his heart and pounding of his blood audible.
It was a fire monster.
A dragon like beast with menacingly emerald eyes and it would have easily been the coolest fucking thing that he had ever seen, except it was gripping Zoro between obnoxiously sharp teeth, digging deep into the soft, malleable flesh.
The green haired man's scream pierced through Sanji’s heart, tearing it jaggedly in two, though it was the silence that hurt the most. Because never, ever was the swordsman silent. Not even while he slept.
There was always something, whether it was the snarky remarks filled with mischief or soft words of appreciation and affection as they laid in bed or his loud ass all-encompassing snore. Even their moments of calm and serenity seemed to speak volumes.
And Sanji loved it.
He loved it, because it was a constant physical reminder that he wasn’t alone anymore. That he wasn’t broken. That he’d found home in Zoro and that sweet kid brother.
The blonde leaped, launching himself at the creature and chopping off a gossamer-thin wing, watching as the monster tilted, severely unbalanced, letting out a yowl of pain as the hero’s body limply rolled out from it's slackened jaws.
Sanji caught his lover as he fell, only partially surprised when aura seemed to seep out from the man's pores, surrounding him in an avenging angelic glow. Zoro’s eyes flung open and the stockier male shakily stood up, staggering out of Sanji’s arms to plant his feet firmly on the ground, charcoal eyes somehow glazed and yet disturbingly focused, brimming with an unparalleled hatred.
The chef let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding and he smiled, unrestrained and only slightly perturbed as he stared at the swordsman.
“Damn shitty marimo, you can’t go worrying me like that.”
But he didn’t get the smart remark that he’d been waiting-- hoping for. Instead, Zoro looked at him with an indescribable amount of rage, green hair flopping as he frantically looked around the destroyed city, a pendulum in motion.
“Why’d you leave him?”
The words came out as a growl, and for a second, it looked as though his boyfriend would attack him instead(as if he could fight Sanji and win )...but Zoro turned his back, once again facing off with the monster that was currently tending to it's wounds.
“Go back to him Sanji. Go now. You don’t understand. Today--it's…..our parents.” The swordsman finally managed to choke out between bated breaths. “Today’s the day our parents died.”
Shit.
Sanji couldn’t believe how fast he’d forgotten.
Today was the day that Zoro and Chopper’s parents died, coming from different families completely but mourning the sad day together. Took solace in each others loss.
They had been on their way to the shrine to offer their prayers when the monster arrived, wreaking havoc on the city. Patrons screamed as they ran past, pushing into the chef’s shoulders as they went. Zoro had rushed off, his swords gleaming in the afternoon light and bearing a vicious sensation of vengeance that promised a swift and bloody victory as Sanji picked up Chopper, turning him around and shielding the boy from flying debris with his body so he wouldn’t have to see the violence that would inevitably ensue.
“Look at that man!” They all screamed, the ones who remained, too old, or too slow to escape. Those who had been resigned to their premature deaths, until a certain delinquent jackass relieved them of that fear. “He’ll save us! He’s so strong!”
Sanji agreed.
The swordsman always got the job done. What was it he always spewed?
That’s right.
“Demon or Dragon whatever! Just let me deal with it.”
It should’ve been quick. But for some reason it wasn’t.
And then the green haired man got hurt, and Sanji couldn’t have stopped his body from moving even if he had wanted to.
But Zoro was right, Chopper was what mattered now, his mind was still frail.
He dashed back to the little boy, sweeping him into his arms and cradling him there as he flailed wildly, his face mushed into his chest.
He was shaking. They both were.
“Hey little one. Hey.” The pale man whispered, rocking the small boy back and forth, still not used to comforting people without the aid of food, but knowing that his inexperience didn’t matter. “Don’t be scared. You have a big bad chef here who’s gonna do whatever he can to protect you. And your big brother is super strong too, though not as strong as me of course,” He chuckled softly at hus tiny smile. “But he’d go to the ends of the Earth for you. You know that right?”
Chooper’s voice came out small, but the words he spoke were confident.
“Yeah, I know.”
Sanji felt good, felt relieved. Everything would be okay.
But his relief shriveled away, withered up and died when he saw blood pooling out of the swordsman. It was worse than anything Sanji had ever seen before.
Something that willpower and determination could never fix.
A gaping hole glared glared at the blonde and Sanji felt his stomach clench in turn. A thin layer of remaining skin and tissue just managed to keep Zoro’s organs on the inside, where they belonged. The bloodied man was gripping the handles of his katana with uncanny strength, the type that instantly sends a “ holy shit ” signal to the brain. Apparently, the dragon-beast received the message, desperately trying to fly away with a frightened squawk.
The battle would be over in an instant.
But contrary to any other time Zoro left for his stupid job as a police officer, Sanji prayed that the fight wouldn’t end, that it’d drag on, until the ends of all time, for all eternity.
Because the moment it was over, Zoro would die.
And Chopper………….goddamn it Chopper, the smart fucking brat.
He realized it first---of fucking course he did-- and stopped thrashing in his arms.
“Big Bro? Big Bro Zoro? I can’t see you, so don’t worry you’re keeping your promise. I just--” His voice cracked and it was another shard of Sanji’s heart. “I just want you to know that you did real good. That you were the best big brother ever.”
Past tense.
Why was he using past tense?
Sanji's mind was still racing to catch up and he was distracted by Chopper’s choked sob.
“I love you Big Bro. I really, really love you. You’ve been so good to me, and to Sanji too and to all the people you saved and I-- I” He was full on crying now, snot and tears leaving runny tracks down his face.
“Big Broooooooooooo!” He wailed, flailing again in the pale man's grasp. “Big Bro, Big Bro, Big Bro. You can’t die! You can't. You can’t.”
At that moment, the chef wanted to throttle the boy, wanted to stop at nothing in an effort to shut him up.
How DARE he suggest the swordsman might die.
That the the moss headed idiot wasn’t invincible.
How dare he fucking flash the truth in Sanji’s face, forcing him to understand it.
Sanji was losing his goddamn mind.
He watched in slow motion as Roronoa Zoro swayed precariously with slow, methodic steps, each movement leaving a crimson footprint on the shattered concrete.
But he didn’t miss the small ghost of a smile that flickered on the tan man's mouth. His lover began to speak and though Sanji could just barely hear the words himself, he muttered them aloud so that Chopper could hear as well.
“Dontcha worry about a thing Tony. Your big brother’s got ya. Stupid Crulybrows will take good care of you, just watch.”
The older male’s tongue felt heavy as he said the words, implications leaving him breathless, his heart ruthlessly being ripped from his chest, a pain he hadn’t felt since his childhood days.
Sanji saw as Zoro took a deep breath, before yelling at the top of his punctured lungs, causing even more blood to flood from the lethal wounds.
“FUCK THIS! I WON’T LET MY FAMILY GET HURT. NOT AGAIN. NEVER AGAIN.”
He swung his swords up high and brought it down on the monster's head. There was a terrible silence, then suddenly a loud noise that sounded like a crack, reverberating throughout the city. The cracks continued to grow along the monster's body, slowly at first, then faster, moving with a rate of speed that was insane, before bursting into a million pieces.
The blonde curled his body around Chopper, feeling as random dragon parts slammed into his back, tearing the fabric of his shirt.
He watched as his boyfriend resheathed his katana and turned to face Sanji, a cheeky grin splitting his bloodied face. Exhaustion pulled at the swordsman’s features tugging the warm smile down just a fraction, as if it were too much energy grin at full capacity, a sign that whatever was keeping the idiot alive was slowly, but with absolutely no doubt, wearing off .
“Oi. Don’t fucking look at me like that. Like I’m one breath away from dying.” Zoro’s voice came out strained, but still had a teasing lilt and the blue-eyed male couldn’t stop the wellspring of irritation deep in the recesses of his mind from overflowing ---which was probably what the other was going for.
Little shit .
“How do you want me to look at you then, jackass?” He retorted, unable to quell his simmering amusement, and for a moment, Sanji could pretend that it was fine, that Zoro was fine. That things would get better, they way it always did.
But then Zoro stumbled and Sanji was greeted once again by harsh reality.
“Come here fucker. And kiss me. You too Chopper.”
The words were whispered, and the chef almost tripped over himself trying to reach the other male. The boy made it there first and crashed into his brother, tackling him with a fierce hug. Sanji was right behind him, taking those lips unto his own and tasting the metallic tang of blood.
He could imagine what a picture the three of them made. Chopper sandwiched between the two boys as Zoro leaned down, back hunching to kiss the slightly shorter chef. The taller with his head down up a fraction, and one hand running tan fingers through his brother’s short locks while the other stroked Sanji’s cheek softly. The moment was bittersweet, a millennium that lasted forever and seconds that ended much too soon.
This time, it was Sanji who noticed it first. Who felt it instantly, the moment Zoro’s lips grew stiff against his own and the injured body became excessively limp.
He stood motionlessly for several heartbeats, knowing but not understanding.
Seeing, but not comprehending.
Until it hit him.
He was kissing a corpse.
“There’s nothing scarier than feeling someone you love die right in your arms.”
He remembered Zoro telling him a year ago when they were talking about Kuina, while they were in the kitchen together, the former washing dishes.
But scary was an overwhelming understatement.
It was downright frightening.
He laid the body down gently, Chopper never leaving its side and Sanji watched as he curled against the man figure, as though trying to revive him with body heat alone. He was a blubbering mess, his caterwauls echoing through the deserted city and Sanji couldn’t help but watch, morbidly fascinated by his apparent and open grief. Because even with the burdening sadness and inexplicable desire to curl into a ball and bawl his eyes out, Sanji found that he couldn’t cry.
All he could think was, Damn idiot. You were right for once Zoro.
Because his boyfriend hadn’t been 1 breath away from dying after all.
Only 153.
-
If you come close, you'll learn we might not survive the night
The gold and diamond, creators of his pride.
-
He had never experienced anything weirder than proposing to a dead body.
Except, perhaps, being proposed to by a dead body.
His long fingers clutched the sheaf of paper with an Earth-shattering grip. After sending Chopper off with a family friend-- surely they could comfort her more than he ever could-- Sanji was sitting on the their-- his, it all belonged to him now-- bed, knees pulled close to his chest and fresh white t-shirt on the pillow beside him.
He reread the note that was written on a garish blue sheet of paper, the words “It matches your eyes” scrawled on the bottom corner in loopy, neat handwriting.
He lifted the shirt to his nose and inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of woodsmoke and whatever hair gel that Zoro used on the occasions he wanted to be neat..
Well, used to use.
For what had to be well over the tenth time that hour, Sanji scoured the note left behind by his lover, ingrained the sentences into his brain.
Burned the image into his retinas.
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Curly you motherfucker,
I think I’m in love with you. Weird isnit? I hated you. I still hate you. I liked you. I love you. Who would've thought there was something after that? But I guess there is, cause there ain’t no other way to explain what it is ‘m feeling. This is so fucking stupid, but thats how I know its love. Because I'd only ever some sappy shit like this for you. Forever is a long time shitty cook, a real long time. But I don't mind spending it with you, even though yer an insufferable ass. You do get it, right?
Sanji, I don’t love you.
I’m in love with you.
-
He found the letter in a drawer, and next to it was a wedding band. The ring was matte black, sleek, with one stripe of bright blue flowing through the middle.
Sanji could laugh.
The ring he’d bought for Zoro was nearly identical. Silver instead of black. A gold stripe instead of a blue one.
It was scary how alike they were.
How alike they had been.
-
They made us walk right out of Eden's gate
Sanji should've been heading to the funeral. He knew he should've.
But he couldn't move his feet from the spot where he met the other years ago.
It's been two weeks since Zoro left him.
Who knew forever was such a short time?
He sat on the metal fence where he first saw the swordsman from the Baratie windows, slumped over as though he were dead and heavily wounded. Sanji's blue eyes scored the skyline, a part of him unable to deny that he was searching, hoping that his shooting star would fall from the clouds again. And that maybe this go around, knowing that they'd end up lovers, they could have more time.
They could savor one another.
But it was only wishful thinking, and for scum like him, his wishes were never granted.
He could call himself redeemed all he wanted but the truth was...
For people like Sanji, redemption simply wasn't possible.
But punishment was. Though he didn't know whether his beloved death was divine intervention or some cruel twist of fate.
He was too scared to find out.
Sanji had forgotten who he was. Had allowed himself to forget. But reality was harsh and with a cruel sense of humor. It had a way of reminding him.
That he wasn't good. Wasn't capable of obtaining love and keeping it.
And reality forced him to remember by taking away the one thing that salvaged his capacity to cherish and savor to begin with. That had pieced together the shattered mess that was Sanji's heart.
Now he was broken all over again.
It was a painful feeling, beyond anything he'd ever experienced.
A pain that he wished to silently wallow in, to find a corner and will the tears to come.
But it was only wishful thinking, and for scum like him, his wishes were never granted.
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No, no, no, we can't go home so we gon' walk down this lonely road
Lonely Road