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Vanya hopes, as she slams open the door to the cafe Allison and her had agreed to meet at, that she hadn’t knocked anyone over in her haste to get here. Running up the street to avoid being any later than she is, ignorant to the plight of the others on their morning walk.
When Vanya looks down, her watch tells her that they were supposed to meet up twenty minutes ago. Vanya purses her lips together and frowns.
Thankfully, she spots her sister instantly, thanks to her vibrant blonde curls. She sits in the back of the cafe, on her phone, texting. A second later Vanya’s phone pings and she smiles to herself as she makes her way into the back where Allison has sat. Thankful that her sister had waited for her. A mostly empty coffee and earl grey tea sat in front of Vanya's sister.
Allison looks up as she approaches a wide smile appearing on her face when she sees her sister has, finally, arrived.
“Vanya!” She greets loudly, earning a few glances from other patrons. Allison throws her arms around Vanya and brings her into a tight hug. “Sorry about being late,” Vanya apologises when they both pull back and take their seats once again. Vanya touches the tea Allison ordered for her. It’s lukewarm. She takes a sip.
The weekly meetings between her and her sister have been a comforting constant since they stopped the apocalypse. That, alongside the collective effort her family has made to pretend that Vanya wasn’t the cause of said apocalypse, has made Vanya feel like she has a family for the first time in her life. Not just a group of people who she happened to grow up with.
“Don’t worry, just means you didn’t have to sit through people asking me for an autograph,” Allison brushes off Vanya’s concern.
They order. More tea, and breakfast. French toast for both of them. Once the waitress leaves with their orders Allison turns her attention fully to her sister and asks, “Why were you late anyway. It’s unlike you,”
Vanya opens her mouth to speak, and then closes it, blushing.
She’d been out with Five the night before, in truth. They’d gone out for dinner, again. It had to have been the third, maybe fourth time they'd gone out together. He’d slept at her place because he couldn’t be bothered to walk back to the academy.
And in the morning, because Vanya thought she’d have more time to get to the bus stop from the academy, she’d walked Five to the academy. He’d looked handsome that morning, wrapped in one of the jackets he had stored at her place.
“Uh, Five stayed over,” Allison raises her eyebrows, a hopeful smile forming on her face. “And I walked him back to the academy,” the look Allison is giving her makes Vanya’s cheeks burn. Her sister giggles
“You two,” Allison shakes her head “so, it’s finally happened,”
Vanya’s smile falters a little.
“Happened?” Vanya’s mouth goes a little dry at what she might be implying.
“You and Five?”
“No, no, nothing like that,” Vanya rushes out. Surprised that her sister even- did- Surely Allison couldn’t see that Vanya had a crush, and god did that word sound juvenile, on Five.
Allison chuckles to herself.
“But he slept at your place?”
“On the couch , I swear,” Vanya insists “he would never sleep in my bed,” and she hopes the longing she feels doesn’t come across quite as obviously to Allison and it does to Vanya herself.
Allison falters for a second, visibly. Vanya can see her sister doesn’t fully believe her, but also doesn’t want to put her in this position anymore, and simply smiles one last knowing smile, and changes the topic to a movie role she’s been offered. Vanya feels eternally grateful that her sister doesn’t press.
Five doesn’t feel that way about her.
It’s fine. Vanya tells herself. Really. Having him back at all is unexpected and Vanya is thankful for it. Unbelievably. Because it’s like for the first time in her life she can relax again. She can be herself in front of another person. Truely, totally herself.
It’s a strange feeling.
And of course, for every good thing, there is, in turn, a bad thing that balances the world. For Vanya Five being back, is balanced by him not reciprocating her feelings.
It’s awful but…
Having him at all is better than living the rest of her life with him absent.
Vanya will deal with it.
—————
Five can never get Vanya out of his head after they go out together.
It’s stupid, ridiculous even, how desperate he is to see her once again, even though he saw her beautiful face less than forty-eight hours ago. How he can’t stop thinking about her. How he can’t stop imaging her.
She’d been unusually happy when they’d had dinner. The new violinist was a sweet, very talented woman who Vanya liked. She’d been worried for weeks that whoever joined their orchestra wouldn’t like her or she wouldn’t like them. Seeing her smile so brightly had been a welcomed gift in his mind.
Dinner itself had been lovely, she’d kept that smile on throughout the night. Their hands had touched when Five handed her his menu so she could give them as one pile to the waiter. There had been the spark, and the breathless feeling he got when he felt her warm skin, so filled with life.
It always made him thankful that she was really here. In front of Five. Alive. Because he’d- he’d seen and felt those hands when they’d been cold, lifeless. Tacky.
To be able to have her here. To see her soft brown hair and shiny brown eyes. To finally have her back. Even-
Even-
Even if he couldn’t have her in all the ways he wanted to.
Even if he couldn’t tell her how much he loved her. Had always loved only her-
Whatever.
He has to laugh at himself.
She doesn’t feel that way about him. Not anymore. Maybe not even when they were younger. Back when Five was sure she looked at him with the same intensity he looked at her with.
But now? They’re effectively a lifetime apart mentally, and while his body is older now, almost twenty-five due to the rapid aging the commission had performed, he’s aged. They get along. He could talk to her all day. They go out together practically every week, and somehow it just isn’t there.
But he can at least-
It sounds pathetic.
He can pretend. Torture himself with dinner dates and outings and seeing her and not doing anything. With glances from the other side of the couch. Touching her hand when he hands her a cup of tea.
It’s worth it to see her. After living in a wasteland for most of his life, and only having two pictures of her, seeing her, lifelike, full of movement and that tired dignity she holds herself with.
Five can envision her right now. The way she was two nights ago. She wore a dress for once. Surprisingly him. Her soft smile. Her delicate hands, and nimble fingers.
He wants to see her again
He wants to see her.
Maybe it’s torture.
Actually, it’s definitely torture, but Five just…
He’d really like to see her.
To have her stand before him in some capacity even if he’ll never get what he wants. He’s spent his entire life not getting what he wants.
“Going to see Vanya?” Klaus singsongs as Five walks down the stairs to the foyer. When he looks, Klaus is stood atop the second floor, leaning against the railing.
“I am,” Five states as he slides his coat on.
“I heard from Allison about you two by the way.” Five stops at that comment. Considers it for a moment. He turns towards his brother
“What do you mean?” Five questions, curious and irritated that Klaus is holding him up. Klaus just laughs.
“I’m serious,” Five states, as he fastens his scarf securely around his neck to fully protect himself from the wind he can hear raging outside the house.
“That you stayed the night at Vanya’s on Wednesday.” The tone to Klaus’ voice is telling.
“Yeah and?” Five asks. Klaus simply raises an eyebrow
“You’re not denying it?” He’s surprised. Five didn’t expect that one.
“No. I was there.”
Klaus grins one of those shit-eating grins Five despises.
“Well, all I have to say is congratulations than Fiver.” His brother stands up as he speaks, nodding to himself.
Five turns around and snaps “whatever you think happened? It didn’t.” Because he knows what Klaus assumed happened.
Klaus simply walks away, humming to himself. “Whatever you say,”
—————
Diego’s sitting outside on the steps on the academy when Vanya arrives early one morning.
“Congrats,” Diego says when she approaches and opens the gate to get to the steps that lead to the mansion.
“On?” She asks. Confused. Wondering if Diego is somehow mocking her for something, or has been mistaken. Diego rolls his eyes.
“You and Five.” He says, as if that explains anything.
“What about me and Five?” She asks. Maybe he is mocking her. She knows she can be obvious about her interests sometimes and Five…. is definitely an interest. One she can’t have. She feels her face fall at the thought.
“Look, I heard from it Klaus is all. I’m happy, though he’s the last person I expected to hear the news from,” Diego states, adding the last part absentmindedly “but, I’m happy for you guys getting together finally. Thought you’d be the same way Allison and Luther have been for the past, what, fifteen years?”
Diego can’t seriously be saying what Vanya thinks he’s saying, can he?
“Me and Five aren’t together,” Vanya says, unsure of what else to say to him. It does feel like he’s mocking her.
Her heart sinks further at the thought because she- she’s even here to see Five today because she can’t help herself. Because she’s been in love with him since she was thirteen, and somehow he’s more unreachable than he was when they all thought that he was dead.
She wouldn’t come to see him if he were any other man.
But Five’s always been her exception.
Before Diego can respond. Can acknowledge the sadness that seeps from her voice, a loud honk of a car horn sounds. Vanya turns and sees that one has just pulled up on the street.
“See you around,” Diego waves goodbye before getting into the passenger seat of the car. She can see him smile at the other man in the car excitedly.
Five opens the front door to the mansion at that very moment. Smiling that radiant smile he reserves for very few. Small but vibrant.
She’ll pretend not to understand what Diego was trying to congratulate her on if he asks again.
—————
Luther comes down at the breakfast, as Five is sipping on his second cup of coffee for the day, half-eaten eggs on his plate. His brother awkwardly hovers at the end of the table. Eyes on Five.
“I heard about you and Vanya,” Five frowns, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against the hot mug. He can’t be bothered to deal with whatever this is.
“What about me and Vanya?” Five asks
“I was told that you two had um- well, started seeing each other?” He phrases it like a question. Five opens his eyes.
“We aren’t dating,” and the words cause Five’s heart to seize and a deep frown to form on his face. The world testing him once again. Punishing him for some unknown crime. Placing the one person Five has ever put above himself just out of reach. Again . Torturing him with knowledge that only served to hurt Five.
Luther frowns “are you…. sure?”
In his upset state Five snaps at his brother “No, Luther I’m unsure of the state of my relationship that I have with Vanya.” He sounds like a child even to his own ears
“That’s not what Allison told me,” Luther answers. Five pauses at that.
“Klaus mentioned that Allison had also talked to him about Vanya and I’s dinner,” Five says “what did she say?”
“That you’d been out on a date,” Luther says, finally taking a seat.
Five sighs heavily. He’s getting a headache, and a slightly worried feeling he knows where his life may be heading.
“It’s not like that,” Five states, and suddenly he feels the want to be alone. He can’t deal with this. Can’t think about the possibility. Can’t because it’ll never happen. Five gets up and leaves without another word
—————
Vanya is walking away from work and back to her apartment when she hears the voicemail Ben left for her.
“Hey! Just wanted to say congratulations! I know I’ve been busy with school. But I think this has been a long time coming and yeah, congrats,”
Vanya has no idea what to make of that.
She dials Ben’s number. Feeling a strange sense of exhaustion creeping up on her. Between Allison’s assumption, and Diego’s comment the other day she has a strange that her sister may have shared the knowledge of Vanya and Five’s dinner. They likely all made the same (sadly) incorrect assumption.
“Hey, Vanya,” Ben greets and she can hear the smile in his voice.
“Hi, I was just wondering what you meant by that voice mail,” She asks. No point in avoiding it, everyone’s been so weird for this entire week. Even when she talked to Klaus when she was at the mansion he was weird. Suggestive. She hadn’t seen Luther but Vanya is sure his actions would be similarly odd.
Ben chuckles “just, Diego mentioned it to me when we talked the other day, Five staying at your place after going out together. I’m happy for you,” he does sound genuinely pleased. Supportive. Vanya has to stop where she’s walking along the street. Rub her face, take a deep breath. Compose herself.
“I don’t know what you think happened,” she mumbles, her face falls as she tells Ben the truth of the matter. Vanya lets out a sigh
“Ah well,” Ben hums awkwardly “maybe I assumed too much.”
“I think everyone has.” Vanya wonders who told who. Where the assumption was made along the line.
“Well I did- I did hear that you guys were dating after all,” Ben says
“Oh,” is all Vanya has to say to that. She frowns. Wishing the information was true. That she was dating Five. That they were together
Her and Ben exchange a few more words before they’re saying goodbye and Vanya hangs up. She’s at her apartment building now.
These past few days, between Allison assuming that they’d been saying and Diego of all people being happy for them, and now Ben, her favourite sibling after Allison being so willing to accept it-
Vanya has no idea why they all are so willing to accept it! She just doesn’t understand! It’s not-
It won’t happen.
Vanya feels tears rise and sighs heavily. She quickly makes her way up and into her home. Slamming the door. Her lip trembles.
It isn’t fair.
She’s never gotten anything she’s ever wanted in her life. She had the one person who cared ripped from her at fourteen when he’d abandoned her without a second thought. Maybe it was stupid, but she’d truly believe Five would be an exception to everyone else. That he wouldn’t be so cruel to her.
And now, years later, after she’d mourned, known that he was never coming back. There was still a way he could hurt her.
She has to call him.
Vanya sits at the small dining table. Still slightly teary. The phone rings, once. Twice. He picks up.
“Hey Five,” Vanya greets.
“Hi, I was just meaning to call you~,” he says.
Vanya smiles, knowing that he was probably setting up another dinner date- hangout? She’d never considered the implications of the word date before. “Have you heard anything weird from our family recently?” She asks twirling her hair anxiously.
“They’re all convinced something is happening between us,” Five states. Vanya sighs. She may love her sister, but she wishes Allison didn’t enjoy gossip as much.
“But there isn’t,” she says, attempting to sound less defeated than the words make her feel. It feels like this is about to be the end of something.
“I know,” and she tries to ignore the hint of sadness in Five’s voice that her brain invents. “I think we need to I don’t know, have a family meeting?”
Vanya had never had to call one of these. Not over something so serious? Life-altering?
Vanya knows they have to, that she can’t just hope it’ll become a reality if she ignores the fact it isn’t. Or hope that her family will simply believe Vanya when it must be so obvious that she feels this way if even Diego thought that it was “finally” time. The brother she spent the least amount of time with could see.
“Yeah,” Vanya agrees, staring out of her window. Swallowing the lump in her throat. “Dinner at the house?”
“Yeah, about seven?”
“Sounds good,” Five agrees “I’ll tell everyone ok,”
“Ok. “I’ll see you,” she hangs up before she can hear him say goodbye in return.
Vanya has to admit she didn't think something so small would hurt this much.
—————
The night’s warm. Five kind of hates it if he’s honest, the cold was better to him. Always. He always liked to see Vanya wrapped up in layers. Warm and comfortable. The warmth simply reminded him of his years wandering the wasteland. Lost. Hopeless.
Vanya!s standing outside when he arrives. Dressed in a casual shirt and black jeans. Hair loose in a ponytail, blowing in the light breeze.
“Waiting to go in?” Five asks as he approaches the mansion, she smiles gently. Shrugging. Her eyes look lost.
“Let’s just go in,” she sounds dejected and Five doesn’t know how to respond. He’s never heard her this… despondent? That doesn’t sound correct. He’s left floundering for a moment before he follows her inside.
Everyone’s in the kitchen when they arrive, sitting around the dining table laughing and joking. The room’s energy doesn’t change when they walk in. The rest of their siblings absorb him and Vanya into the conversation while Diego sets out dinner with Ben’s assistance.
Diego’s a good cook when given the chance and the conversation continues after dinner is served. Vanya doesn’t say anything to him however. He wonders if the rumours have made her uncomfortable. Probably. On that call she- she sounded hurt. Upset. He didn’t know how to fix it.
Ben’s the first to pipe up. Clearing his throat in that nervous way he does. It makes Five’s gut sink. He’s been dreading this conversation since Vanya’s tired voice greeted him on the phone two days ago.
“I- I’d like to say I heard it from Diego,” Ben says defensively. Diego looks offended
“Hey!” Diego objects “I only told you because Klaus told me!”
Klaus interjects “Oh please Allison tol-“
“I didn’t want you to-“ Alison starts before Luther interrupts
“You also told me, Allison-“
“Who did you tell?” Diego asks his brother.
“No one.”
And it devolves into an argument over who told and why. Vanya makes eye contact with him. Mocking their siblings with a single raise of her eyebrow. He lets out an amused breath.
It feels like Vanya and him are normal again for a moment. Like this dinner isn’t going to irreparably alter their relationship and make things awkward.
He feels normal for half a second before Allison ruins it.
“I’m just saying they go out on a few dates I assumed!” Allison says defensively “You two always look at each other,”
Five feels like he’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Vanya too looks surprised that anyone noticed.
“Nothings going on,” Five says, raising his hands defensively. Voice raised over his cohort of siblings
“ Somethings going on,” Diego scoffs
“Don’t you guys have dinner every week?” Klaus asks
“Yes,” both Five and Vanya answer simultaneously.
“And you stay over at her place a lot?” Diego questions Five who nods in the affirmative
“And Vanya you were late to coffee with me, and even told me you’d been having a lot of dates with five,”
“Hangouts,” Vanya corrects. Everyone looks at her sceptically
“Look nothings going on,” Five insists. “We’re not dating. Or together, and we’re not going to be. Ever. I don’t understand why you all think I’m with Vanya .” His voice might be a little loud, but he needs to get his point across. Vanya’s face falls noticeably.
They sit in the silence for a moment. Vanya’s face is in turmoil and Five watches her from the corner of his eye. She looks disappointed. Upset. Hurt.
Vanya stands abruptly and announces “I’m going to the bathroom,” getting up and exiting the room quickly.
“Wow, you really hurt her feelings, Five,” Luther is the one to comment. Out of all of them Luther. Five stares at the door. Maybe- why would her feeling- he-
Five has been known to foolishly ignore the obvious on occasion.
He stands and warps away, foregoing any explanation. He needs to talk to Vanya.
—————
She’s, unsurprisingly, not in any of the bathrooms, but Five does spot her in the courtyard. By herself. She sits on the bench one of their siblings had put in there. He warps to the door leading to the courtyard, not wanting to shock her by popping directly into the space.
When he opens the door she doesn’t turn her head. Instead, she looks down to her hands. Vanya brings one up and wipes her face.
Five walks towards where she sits in the middle of the courtyard and settles down besides Vanya. She looks away.
“So,” Five starts unsure of how to continue.
“So,” Vanya replies, in a tone that sounds like she’s agreeing with some unspoken question he’s asked. Voice slightly watery
“Why are you crying?” Five wants to kick himself as soon as the question is out of his mouth. He internally cringes. Vanya instead laughs shakily. Looking towards him with shimmering eyes.
“You’re awfully adamant about nothing going on between us,” she whispers pursing her lips together and sighing. She looks away from him again. “Which I had expected.”
Five frowns. “Vanya you know I have to be extra insistent with those idiots.” Vanya shakes her head. He takes her hand “if I said something that hurt you I’m sorry,” she meets his eyes. They’re red from her crying,
Vanya scoffs and looks away suddenly.
“I think-“ Vanya purses her lips and frowns. Re-thinks what she’s about to say. “I feel like everyone knows something I don’t.” She admits. Five looks her over. “Including you ,”
“Oh,” he states “something bad?”
“Something good. Maybe?” She runs her fingers through her hair
They sit there for a moment
“I started this,” Vanya tells him quietly. Sounding relieved to admit it “I told Allison that you’d stayed at my place after we went to dinner,”
“And she told Klaus, and Luther,”
“And Klaus told Diego who told Ben,” she finishes
“And somehow everyone’s come to the conclusion we’re together,”
“Yeah,” Vanya agrees. They sit in silence for a moment “everyone acts like it’s been a long time coming.”
Five takes in a deep breathe
“I haven’t had much experience but I thought I’d be able to see it if someone liked me, like that but,” she shakes her head. Putting her head in her hands. “But I think now, maybe I’ve been intentionally ignorant of something everyone else can clearly see,”
Five is desperately hoping she’s on the same page as him.
“I think every one must be seeing something I’m not,” her soft eyes are turned to him, and his breath is snatched from his at the soft, hopeful look in his eyes. “Maybe they see something you do that I haven’t noticed. Or thought about,”
“I think we’ve both been ignorant,” Five concludes, voice still kept low.
“Yeah,” Vanya’s agrees, eyes still on his. Five leaves forward a little.
“I’ve felt this way for a long time Five. Since I was a kid,” Vanya rushes out as she touches his forearm. Not to push him away, but simply to hold him, to touch his warm skin. She takes her head out of her hands and turns to face him one final time, turning her body toward him.
“Me too,” Five admits staring into her soft brown eyes. She looks so beautiful, as she always does. He touches her cheek. Caresses it with his thumb. He leans forward and kisses her softly
It’s not an overwhelming moment, but the rush of relief Five feels is overwhelming. He could stay like this the rest of his life and be content. Pressed close to the love of his life. The woman who kept him sane for decades. The woman he thought was unreachable.
They break away when Vanya starts to laugh.
“Sorry, I just-“ she laughs harder “I can’t believe we haven’t been doing this sooner,” she says looking back towards him. “We've been on like six dates!”
“We’re both just idiots.” Five states as he presses forward to kiss her again.