Chapter Text
Burt shuffled his feet under the desk and moved his coffee cup from one place to another. It seemed equally awkward in the new place, and he moved it back.
He sighed. And I thought having one son was hard enough. Now I have three. And a daughter. At least the three of them were talking again, but the tension around the Hummel house had been thick lately. Kurt and Puck were on the phone every night with this Adam character, and Finn... Finn had hardly been around at all in the past couple weeks. Carole seemed largely accepting, although she hadn't been very forthcoming with him about her feelings about his new thing.
Burt took his ball cap off and rubbed his forehead. It was his favorite ball cap, and Carole had put it through the wash without asking him. Now it was far too clean and rubbed uncomfortably behind his ear.
He needed to talk to someone; someone who might understand better than he did himself. Someone with experience dealing with the complicated nature of the situation he was in.
He flipped the page in his notebook and gazed unhappily at the number on the next page. Then he sighed and picked up the phone, dialing the number with a certain amount of trepidation. She was very nice. No matter what she might do for a living.
"Hello," came the dark voice, with a certain amount of crowd noise behind it, though it was muffled quickly. "This is Tess."
He cleared his throat and leaned forward in his chair. "Uh, hi there. Tess? This is Burt Hummel. Kurt's dad. I hope this isn't a bad time."
"Of course," she said warmly, and the background sounds faded significantly. "I just didn't recognize the number, Burt. How are you?"
"I'm all right, thanks. Er--how was your holiday? I heard you had a..." He trailed off, thinking of Finn's thing, and Carole's comment that had led him to scribble the number down in his notebook to begin with: Carl is an old friend of Tess's. "A guest, for Christmas?"
"I frequently do. There's a lot of extended family and friends who come around during the holidays. We close Tessera for a long weekend four times a year, and we always spend Christmas at home. My father usually comes, and James, Stephen and Alec stay with me as well."
"That sounds nice. We were glad to have Puck back home in time for Christmas, too. I hear you had something to do with getting him back to Ohio." He smiled, as though she could see him. "I should thank you for that."
"Hm. He was on his way back, Burt. He was pretty nervous about returning to you. I'd like to wring his father's neck for him, certainly. Noah called from the road, asking if he could stop and visit, and I made certain he stayed and got some rest."
"Well, you did better than just about anybody else did, at giving him what he needed." He paused, carefully not thinking about Adam in California, and what he might or might not have given Puck when he was in Santa Fe. Burt suddenly needed a glass of water. He pushed his chair back and walked through the open doorway to the kitchen, running the tap for a minute. "For whatever reason, he listens to you, Tess. That's why I'm calling."
"Thank you," she said quietly into the silence. "It's not easy when they're at that age. I'm more used to young people after they've gone out into the world. I did a lot of mentoring during my Army service; it tends to be second nature now when I see someone in distress."
Burt tipped the water glass under the tap until it was full, and took a long drink. "You know, Carole's husband Christopher, he was in the Gulf conflict. Died before Finn was more than a few years old."
"I wasn't overseas at that time. I was stationed in California, at Fort Irwin; it's a training base, and troops rotate through there on their way home at times." Tess' voice was sort of soothing, calm and even.
"Yeah, I avoided the military myself. Too much anti-war influence in my family for it to be okay." Burt knew he was making useless small talk, and he was starting to piss himself off. He took himself by the metaphorical shoulders and gave himself a stern shake. "Uh... none of that is why I called, though. I'm not sure if you've heard about the boys' upcoming trip to California, to see that singer... Lady Boo-boo, or something...?"
"No? Not at all. When is this?"
"Next weekend. I really don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to this." He gazed out the window at the backyard, watching the snow settle on the picnic table, and grimaced. "No, okay, I know exactly what I was thinking."
Tess laughed outright. "I imagine you were looking at your little boy's pleading, starry eyes... a singer, you said? I know that feeling well; it's difficult not to cave in. Sometimes it's better to give way."
"Well, see, it wasn't just that she's a singer, it was that Kurt had done this song..."
Burt gave Tess a brief summary of Kurt's experience working up a version of Lady Gaga's song--that was her name--about hair, and Puck's brother's association with her, and her subsequent enthusiastic invitation to her home in California. He smiled to himself, remembering Kurt's flabbergasted response.
"I know Kurt's fixation with performing. It's been like that since he was six and he took first prize in our neighborhood talent show for his medley of songs from Funny Girl. I can't in good conscience stand in his way. I mean, jeez, apparently, she's bigger than Elvis or something."
"I don't believe you are giving in, Burt," said Tess. "It sounds more like you're giving your son every possible opportunity. I know the name, though I wouldn't recognize her on the radio. Some of the younger set chatter about her when they get into discussions about music. Where in California is this?"
"Bel-Air. Los Angeles is where they're flying in. Carole and I got them rooms at the Omni. Puck's brother Timothy helped us set it all up. And they'll be there with Brad, who helped Kurt with the song originally--he's the Glee club's accompanist."
"How old are they? Brad and Timothy? Do you trust them?"
"Well, Timmy's just a boy himself. He's twenty-two; been on his own since he was fifteen. To hear Kurt tell it, he walked out when his father was still at the Puckerman house. I don't know the details. Brad's an adult, maybe my age, a father. He teaches Kurt piano lessons. I've spoken with him..." That was something of an exaggeration; Burt had done nearly all the talking, but Kurt explained how Brad was, and how words didn't come easily to him. It had been fine, once they'd found common ground in discussing Brad's young toddlers and Kurt's experiences in piano. "He'll play chaperone, but..."
Tess sighed a little. "But you don't know him well. Burt, Finn's a steady boy, and Kurt isn't exactly rash. And the two of them manage Noah well. I do understand your concern though, now that you've explained. I... hmm," she mused.
He paused, listening to the quality of her silence. "What?"
"Well. I realize you don't know me that well either, but my father's about forty-five minutes out of LA. He's retired from the USMC, and he works with young men who are transitioning from the military into civilian life. He's been doing this for years. The boys he mentors tend to call him "The Colonel," rather than use his name; it's actually not a nickname, he retired at that rank. He'd be happy to be on call for you and the boys, Burt."
Burt leaned back on the counter, considering. Tess was right; he didn't know her well, but there was probably a reason he'd picked up the phone and dialed her number at nine o'clock at night, at a time when he'd felt anxious about his son--and his son's boyfriend--taking a trip alone across the country.
"That's really kind of you, Tess," he said, feeling the tension across his shoulders ease somewhat.
"Bah," she told him. "They're young, and they need looking after, yet. If they get into trouble, he can be a resource."
"Well, you gave Puck the kind of guidance he needed when he was lost and alone in the middle of Iowa. It stands to reason your father could do the same in the wilds of Los Angeles." He grinned at her chuckle.
"He's better than I am, frankly. And he's certainly had more experience. I've referred any number of young men in difficulty to him, if I wasn't able to connect with them. Not everyone responds to a female." Her voice was wry. "Some of them are more stubborn than that."
"You got that right," he agreed, setting his glass in the dish drainer. "I've got a whole houseful of stubborn young men, and I can't say they respond all that well to a male, either. Hey, don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. Maybe I'm a little overwhelmed, yeah, but..." He laughed. "I'm a lucky father."
"They get confused, and they tend to be awkward when they're still growing," came the dry suggestion. "And you are lucky. I would have dearly liked to have hung onto Noah for another day or two, to be certain he really was all right. I've spoken with Kurt a few times now, and he is an absolute sweetheart, you've done such a good job with him."
Burt felt an uncharacteristic flush of pride. "He's a good kid," he agreed. "So much like his mother. I'll tell you, all this... the three boys, everything they're doing... I don't know. I sure as hell couldn't have done it when I was their age. I think I was still trying to figure out how to tie my own tie and keep from flunking algebra when I was sixteen."
She sighed. "Well, the world moves faster now than it used to. They have to grow up more quickly than you or I did. Finn has his mother, and Kurt has you, but Noah... I can't help but worry about him."
"Yeah." Burt thought of the Puck who had left Lima, broken and full of confusion, and the Puck who had returned nine days later, calm and focused and ready to try again. "But I'm thinking he might have somebody. This Adam character? Puck had me say a few words to him on the phone, and he seems like a nice enough guy. He's doing something for Puck... I don't know. I try not to ask for specifics."
But you did, he reminded himself. You said you were asking, that you wanted all the details. Even the really gay ones.
"Yes. Noah spoke with me about that, at some length. And I spoke to Adam for a few minutes myself, on the telephone. Burt, I... understand... what Adam's done to help Noah. And no, it's not easy to wrap one's mind around, if one isn't used to the concepts involved. I do understand, and I can offer this to you: the important thing, in the end, is that Noah is safe, that Noah is happy, and that he has a good support system around him. The specifics, the details?" Tess sighed, heavily. "They are just sixteen, Burt. If you feel you need those details, you ask for them. Those boys are honest, they love you. And if you would like... hmmm... more information on those details, please feel free to call me. I can probably fill in the blanks." She chuckled. "I would be quite startled to find a conversation that makes me uncomfortable, these days."
"Thanks," Burt said, honestly moved. "Sometimes I feel like I'm getting a quick education in some things I never expected to hear about, in relation to my sixteen-year-old son, if you know what I mean. But... yeah. I did ask for details, and I'm trying to be ready to listen to and accept them, as they come up."
"For your sake, and Kurt's, I am very happy to hear that."
He mopped his bald head with his sleeve. "It's not easy, I'll tell you. Half the time, when I look at Kurt, I still see the kid who liked to dress in his mom's sparkly evening gowns and ask me to read chapter books to him before bed. That feels like yesterday. And now, I can see the boy he's become, the man, but that little kid is still inside him. It's hard to put the two together, sometimes."
"I understand. Kurt doesn't have the easiest path." She hesitated again. "Burt, anything he finds that makes him stronger or more confident, I feel very strongly that he should pursue it. He's a very precious and unique soul, your boy. And he loves you, and trusts you."
"I know he does," Burt said, feeling the reverberation of Kurt's trust inside his chest. "I feel so lucky he does, believe me."
"Yes. That's a very rare, and lovely thing. I also recall stressing to Noah the importance of honesty, when we spoke. It is no less important here. When I listen to the stories that some of my boys have told me, over the years, some of the stories that Beau's boys have told..."
Burt heard her swallow before going on. Her voice had wavered on that last sentence there, and he hated to think of the things she might have heard.
"You have something very strong, you and Kurt. He trusts and relies on you, Burt. It means the world to him, that you're expressing patience as he tries to find his way, that you're there for him to go back to when he needs. I think that Noah might grow to trust you in that same way, eventually. Now, it is very likely they won't be able to easily articulate the... parameters of their relationship to you, to be able to explain how they are feeling, or why they feel that way. Right now, they are relying on what feels right. You're right there to ensure they aren't coming to harm, emotional or physical. And I'm right here, Burt, to help with that articulation, if needed." Her voice was stronger now. Burt could hear the confidence and assurance in her words, and the firm tone.
"Again, that's generous of you." He took the few steps back into his office from the kitchen, and settled heavily in the chair beside his desk. "I think the problem is that I don't even know what to ask for."
"You don't need to. Just talking things over usually helps." She paused. "And... forgive me if I'm making any assumptions, Burt, but Carole spoke with me, particularly about Finn, and I think the two of you should have a serious conversation."
He paused. "Uh, we have been talking about Finn, but... why?"
"The details are between me and Carole. Although I suspect she'd tell you everything she told me, given the opportunity. She may be a resource for you in unexpected ways."
Burt felt like he should understand what she was saying, but it was like she was speaking another language. All he could do was say, "Thank you."
Tess's voice softened. "What the boys are exploring, participating in, this is something that should be worked through, slowly and carefully, with deliberation. The boys are going to rush, to make mistakes here and there, but isn't that the way of young people? And they have you, and Carole, to fall back on. I've made all three of them aware that they're to call me with questions. Perhaps..."
"Perhaps?"
"Perhaps you might all come down to see me, Burt. You and Carole, and all the boys."
He frowned, but even as he did, he stood and reached for his calendar, wedged between a photo of Elizabeth and the World's Best Dad mug on his desk. "I don't know. Would Sarah be welcome in a place like that? She's just a kid."
"Of course! Burt, Tessera is used by ordinary citizens as a country club as well. There's plenty to do around here for families. There's a pool, a small gym facility, horses, a sledding hill... If she likes to cook the way Noah does, I'm certain my head chef would love to spend time with her, too. His nieces are about Sarah's age, and he's completely smitten with them, spoils them dreadfully. There are guest rooms just outside my own apartment, in the private wing, it won't be hard at all for you to stay here as a family. Conversations irregardless, it might be a nice vacation for all of you."
The idea became more appealing the more Tess told him, and he found himself giving in under the force of her persuasion. "A... family vacation? That's not a bad idea. You don't think we'd be too much underfoot? Four kids, plus the two of us..."
"How would you possibly be underfoot? The private wing alone is twenty-eight thousand square feet, Burt. Three of my managers are in residence in the wing with me, and they have their own family and friends coming and going as well, in the private guest quarters here. And Sarah may still be very young, but the boys aren't exactly children. There's a little theatre here, depending on when you come. There's a small Shakespearean troupe that performs locally, a set of historians and theatre professionals associated with the university."
"Hey, you just said the magic words. Kurt's going to be all over that." Burt glanced over the appointments and athletic events penciled in on his calendar for the next few months. "When's that happening?"
"Their next performances are just after Valentine's day, I think it's probably Taming of the Shrew, if you can bear that. I'd have to be in my office to call up the schedule for the rest of the year, or locate my majordomo. And... if it's not too presumptuous, would you mind a suggestion?"
"No?" Burt was actually feeling a little overwhelmed, but he wasn't going to give up the conversation now. He took a quiet breath and listened.
"I've known Carl Howell for a very long time. He was stationed at Irwin, though not in my unit." It was clear that Tess was taking care with her words. "And it's very evident that he and Finn have formed a relationship. I might suggest that he be here as well, if there are going to be family discussions."
"Carl." Burt pursed his lips absently, flipping forward to February in his calendar. "Yeah, he and Finn... He's kind of... well, there's a difference in ages between them, isn't there? I mean, he's older than me. I'm not sure what to think of that."
"Yes. Carole and I have discussed that. And I can assure you," she continued, her tone dry, "that Carl and I have discussed things at length, particularly in regards to responsibility and good conduct. The details of both conversations, however, are confidential, unless Carole or Carl choose to share them, or indicate to me that they are comfortable with my sharing them with you. That can be discussed between the four of us, as adults, with or without Finn present."
Burt tried to set his judgment aside. It wasn't a simple matter, no matter what Tess said about Carl. "We might have to do that," he said uneasily. "I'll leave it up to Carole, of course, but... it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, for Finn to be in a romantic relationship with someone so much older. What's the phrase--an unequal power dynamic? How can that be healthy, really? It'd be so easy for a grown man to take advantage--"
Tess was quiet for a moment before gently interrupting Burt. "I would like you to know that in our discussions, I have strongly advocated for Finn. Carl has a responsibility to me, Burt. I don't intend to let him take advantage, if I can help it. But that is the one of the conversations we might have in person. I am not just speaking of one conversation between Carl and myself, I am speaking of many conversations."
"I'm not doubting that," Burt said, hesitating. "I just want to make sure Finn doesn't get hurt."
Tess's voice took on a harder tone. "I have endeavored to insure that Carl is thinking things through, quite thoroughly, and presented him with a number of concepts and thoughts that I'm quite certain he'd rather not have heard. Yes, it is a difficult situation. But I believe, as with anything, that patience, communication, and honesty will protect not only Finn, but Carl as well."
Burt thought of the look on Carole's face when she'd told him about Carl, the faith she clearly had in Finn, even in this unusual situation. "Look, I know there's stuff here I don't really get, Tess, about Carl and Finn's relationship. But Carole claims to understand it, and I trust her."
"You're going to have to come out and discuss the things that you 'don't get,' Burt. There's no reason in the world for you to be in the dark. Either here on the telephone, or in person."
He sighed and stretched his back, setting the calendar down on his desk. "I just can't imagine trusting Kurt to an older man like that."
"Would you like to borrow a chastity belt, perhaps?" Her tone was quite dry. "I'm fairly certain there will be an older man at some point, unless he finds his soulmate more quickly than usual."
Burt let out a wry laugh. "Yeah, well, I'm just hoping he doesn't inflict it on me until he's a lot older himself. Like, thirty."
"Burt, I don't think it will matter in the least how old he is, it's not going to change how you feel about him, my dear."
"Also probably true," Burt acknowledged. "He's always going to be that little boy, in my head. I'm trying hard to remember he's also a young man, too."
Tess chuckled. "Of course he is. I often struggle to see Carl as a successful professional; I still tend to see him as the young, cocky Lieutenant who washed up into my office years ago. He's grown up, my boy has. I understand. It will never be easy. It's a leap of faith, Burt."
Burt smiled into the phone. "It's a lot easier to imagine taking it when I'm not making these decisions all on my own. Having Carole with me, and knowing the boys have friends like you, it helps. I'm really grateful."
He heard Tess swallow. "I am so happy for you. Carole is wonderful, and you are blessed, with your family."
"Hey, and we'll definitely have to talk more about coming down to visit your place. Tessera, is it? Sounds fantastic."
"Yes," she laughed. "And yes, it's a play on my name, I like to save that story for the tour, though. I do hope you will come, Burt. It would relieve my mind to no end to be able to see those boys, and see that they are all right. Those little monsters of yours have gotten under my skin, I'm afraid."
"Mine, too." He squinted at the clock and stifled a yawn. "Thanks again for talking so late. I'm an early-to-bed kind of guy, but I'm guessing you're just waking up. I should hit the sack."
"Sleep well, Burt. Try." She laughed a little, here. "Try not to worry. Or if you must, at least try and be clear about what you're worrying about. Good night--and thank you for calling."
Burt replaced the receiver on the hook and let out a deep sigh. It was hard not to worry, when he knew what kinds of things the boys faced at school every day. He just hoped that with all these people there to support them, they might be able to get through it unscathed.
"Dad?" Burt had barely flipped open the books for the garage before looking up to see Kurt standing in the doorway of his office, hesitating. "I need your help."
Burt pushed his chair back from his desk and waited. "What is it, son?"
Kurt sighed. He looked positively exhausted. "It's Noah. He's... well, he's really missing Adam. A lot. Tonight more than usual, and he hasn't gotten through to talk to him for some reason. It's the first night since they've met that they haven't talked." He leaned heavily on the door frame. "He really needs to see him. This is too early in their relationship for them to be apart."
He laughed a little, shaking his head. "Still blows my mind to hear you guys talking like this about... each other's guys. What can I do?"
"I'm going to LA next week, to visit with Lady Gaga. Me and Finn, and Brad and Timothy." Kurt bit his lip and looked expectantly at his dad.
"Don't remind me," Burt grumbled. Then he realized what Kurt was talking about. "Oh. Adam...?"
"He's right there. I thought, maybe, if we could get Noah a ticket, that he could come with us, and see him."
Burt didn't want to be the dad who jumped all over the money when things like this came up, but he couldn't help imagine the numbers in his checking account, dipping down below the safe limit. He shook his head. "Those tickets weren't cheap, Kurt. I don't even know if we can get another ticket this late."
"I know. It's a lot to ask." Kurt's expression was positively pleading. "I'll work extra hours at the garage--whatever I have to do. Noah's had a lot of bad in his life lately. I just want to give him something good."
Groceries from Aldi this month, he thought, his mind reaching for possibilities, even as he nodded. And I can let the car insurance payment go next month, no late fees there, and... maybe I can manage it. He called up a web browser window. "Let me see what I can come up with. I'm--" His words cut off as Kurt tackled him around his neck, and he laughed. "Hey, I'm not promising anything! I'll come down to your room in a little while and we'll talk, after I look up plane fare and check our budget for this month."
Kurt let go of the stranglehold on his dad's neck. "Thank you, dad. And can Noah stay over tonight? Adam hasn't called him back and he's kind of falling apart. He didn't want to ask, but I think he's not going to get any sleep tonight if I--"
"All right, Kurt. Can you give me a minute, here?" He waved Kurt away. "Go take care of him. Whatever you do. I'll make a lot of noise when I come downstairs."
Both he and Kurt were smiling as he went back to his computer. Burt already knew he'd be paying whatever goddamn fee he needed to get the ticket for Puck. Anything that he finds that makes him stronger or more confident... Kurt should have that. Both he and Puck should.
But as he went through the process of booking the ticket, which did indeed cost over a hundred dollars more than they'd originally paid for Finn and Kurt's tickets--and he gritted his teeth at the prospect of weeks of tuna and mac & cheese for dinner in the coming month as he clicked the Buy Ticket button--the worry started to creep back up his arms and into his neck, making his shoulders tense all over again. Kurt and Finn in Los Angeles. Puck with Adam. Jesus Christ. He paused to bury his face in his hands before picking up his phone and calling Carole.
"Please tell me I'm not insane," he moaned, before she could even say a word. "I just bought Puck a ticket to Los Angeles so he can hook up with his goddamn boyfriend. The rock star one."
"Sorry, honey," she said, after a moment. At least she sounded amused, not horrified. "That definitely qualifies as insane. And very sweet."
He laid his head on the desk. "I don't think I can handle this on my own, Carole. I just talked with Tess, and she told me all kinds of things that sounded reassuring until she hung up, and now... I don't even know."
"Do you want me to come over?" Her offer was genuine, he knew.
"No, it's all right; you don't need to leave Finn alone there. I'll be okay. I think."
She made a pensive humming noise. "Maybe you need more time to talk with Tess. She's very calming. She mentioned that Tessera is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays. Why don't you invite her up for a few days?"
There was an idea. "You think she'd come?"
"I think she dotes on Puck and has a particular affection for Kurt. And her history with Carl... I could use some reassurance in that area, myself. Do you want me to call her?"
Burt was already sitting straighter in his chair. "No, I've got it. Hey..." He paused. "You're amazing, you know that?"
"Sure. I could stand to hear it more often, though." She was smiling. "I love you."
"I love you, too. I'm going to head downstairs and inform my son just how insane his old man really is, and then I'll give Tess a call back. And then I think I'll be banging my head on my desk a little."
Carole laughed. "Try not to give yourself a concussion."