Chapter Text
gon, leorio, and kurapika push their zambonis through the giant door. after a long journey, the three of them have made it here together. they’ve already overcome many obstacles together, and have created an unbreakable bond in just the last few days alone, but alas, their journey will not be ending anytime soon, and they will have many, many more obstacles put in their way before they are through.
but now, filled with hope and determination, the three young men enter the room on their zambonis, a room that is filled to the brim with the best of the best zamboni operators alive. they’ve made it. the annual zamboni hunter exam.
only a few zamboni riders will make it out with a zamboni hunter operators license, and the tension in the air is thick, everyone on their toes and looking to sabotage any opponent to get a step up.
gon cruises into the room full of zambonis clad in battle gear, and all of the other users stare at him in disgust. leorio and kurapika follow in behind him.
a few of the zamboni hunter applicants take note of the zambonis of the newest entrants. gons zamboni is an ugly green color, decked out with nets and other assorted fishing equipment. kurapikas zamboni is coated in metal chains. leorios zamboni has nothing on it. it is undecorated and boring.
gon, kurapika, and leorio have only been in the room for a few moments before they are approached by a curious man on a disgusting and ugly zamboni.
“hello new friends!” the man shouts as he glides up to the newcomers. “my name is tonpa!i am a zamboni hunter exam veteran!”
gons eyes widen with admiration. “really?! thats soooooo cool!”
tonpa grins. “yes! i’ve taken the exam twenty-seven times, this makes my twenty eighth!”
gon is vibrating with excitement. “woah!! are there other people here who taken it that many times?” he asks.
tonpa looks around. “well, ive taken it the most out of anyone, but that old man there, and those three brothers, and various others uhhh i dont remember their names but,” tonpa gestures with his hands, “theyve all taken it a few times.”
gon nods as tonpa speaks, paying the closest of attention and hanging on tonpas every word.
“well, seeing that you are all here now, i propose a friendship!” tonpa says, and gon smiles so wide his face is in danger of splitting in two.
tonpa turns around in his seat to pull drinks out of his specially installed zamboni drink holder. he hands them to the three zamboni novices.
“let us toast… to friendship!” tonpa says with a devious grin.
the three novices turn to pour their drinks into their zamboni gas chamber, as it is the polite thing to do.
“little do they know,” tonpa says, “those drinks are filled with corrosives, and will absolutely destroy their zamboni!! hahahahahHAAHAHHEhusuhauhehuaeahuehuehueahau” he laughs.
“oh really?” gon asks, immediately pulling his can away from the gas tank. leorio and kurapika do the same. “thank you for telling us tonpa!”
tonpa frowns. “foiled again :-(“ he says, and drives his zamboni away to find a new victim.
and a new victim he finds.
tonpa comes across a boy on a Giant Super Awesome Cool Guy zamboni. the boy has white hair and is generally just super chill and really cool. a perfect target.
“hey kid!” tonpa calls to him, “want some juice?” the kid turns to tonpa and smiles.
“of course!” he says with such a cool smile on his face. tonpa hands over the drink and the boy pours it immediately into his gas tank, emptying the drink in seconds. the kid turns back to tonpa.
“my tank still has room… got anymore?” he asks. tonpa is taken aback. if the kid keeps this up he will destroy his zamboni for good. tonpa hands another drink over. the boy pours it in his gas tank as well.
“maybe you should stop-” tonpa starts to say, before the boy cuts him off.
“dont worry,” he says with such a cool smirk tonpa feels like such a geed for messing with him. “my zamboni is immune to corrosives.”
and with that, the boy turns away from tonpa, disappearing into the crowd of zamboni operators.
seconds later, a man in a very fast looking samboni comes into view. he introduces himself as satotz, and says that the first stage of the exam has started. their first task is to follow him.
commotion arises throughout the examinees, what an easy first task they think. and then satotz starts his zamboni. it is so fast. such a fast zamboni. everyone collectively gasps. all the examinees turn their zambonis into the highest gear to try to follow him, but its so fast they have trouble following. zamboni engine sounds fill the air, and gon is filled with exhilaration.
the exam has started. gon, kurapika, and leorio are all in top gear, following satotz and the rest of the test takers at full speed. leorio worries if his zamboni can keep up. kurapika is filled with rage. gon has no thoughts.
the exam drones on, not much happening other than very intense very fast zamboni driving. gon has settled into the monotony of it all until a Very Cool zamboni pulls up beside him.
“hello!” gon says. the driver of the super awesome zamboni looks over to him. it is a child with Super Wicked Cool white hair.
“hello… how old are you?”
“hello. i am twelve years of age.”
“woah. me too!”
“my name is gon!”
“my name is killua.”
“killua, your zamboni is super cool!!” killua blushes, and looks at gons zamboni, desperately trying to compliment something about it. he fails.
“yeah yours is… a zamboni…. why do you want a zamboni license, gon?”
gon frowns, something… obscuring his face. he is… upset. over. something. killua feels awkward.
“my father was a zamboni.” gon says. killua nods. its a very real problem in their society.
“im going to find him.” gon says, and killua starts in shock. gon is super cool. almost as cool as him.
“wanna be friends?” killua asks.
“ye!” gon says. they both ride together for a moment in silence and bliss.
“so killua-” gon starts, but is cut of by a sound coming from behind. it sounds like a zamboni. both boys turn to look at each other in confusion.
“ooooOOoOooh GON,” comes a shout from behind. killua and gon turn to find the gayest man, truly the Absolute Queerest, they have seen in their life driving up behind them in a bright pink zamboni decorated with heart decals.
the zamboni operator pulls up next to the two boys, smiling a devious grin the entire way.
“ooooOOoh gon,” he says again before putting his zamboni in top gear and zooming away. the two boys shrug at each other and continue on their way.
a few miles later, many of the participants have run out of gas. they tragically sit on the pathway, their meowzambonis unmoving. gon had never seen such an awful scene in his life, but his determination to find his father, the zamboni, forces him to keep pushing forward with killua by his side.
gon is shaking the terrible scene from his memory when he hears the telltale sound of a zamboni breaking down behind him. he turns his head to find leorio, his ugly zamboni stuttering as he pushes the gas pedal all the way down.
gon slows down, staring at leorio expectantly. leorio frowns, staring back at gon with such fervor in his eyes. killua slows down as well, not knowing why but not wanting to leave gon in the dust.
leorio sighs a loud sigh, and then with a scream so loud it echoes off the walls and causes dust to pour down, leorio removes his shirt. this somehow does something, and his zamboni begins to move at full speed again.
gon puts his zamboni back into high gear as leorio zooms past. killua follows in gons suit, incredibly confused about what had just transpired. they continue forth nonetheless.
leorio, in his sudden burst of speed, has rushed to the middle of the pack, pulling up beside kurapika who is riding in his chained covered zamboni, sweat dripping down his body. leorio also has sweat dripping down his body, as it is a very taxing task to control zambonis at such high speeds. kurapika looks over to leorio, taking in his naked form. the sight fills kurapika with… something… something he cant explain.
kurapika, overcome with new feelings, rips off his own shirt, to reveal another shirt underneath. leorio smiles at him and gives him a thumbs up, but quickly brings his hand back down to control his zamboni, as it is incredibly unsafe to operate machinery without using both hands.
the two ride next to each other, and all the other zambonis seem to fade away as they bask in one another's presence. kurapika looks over but quickly averts his gaze before leorio can catch him. after a few seconds of silence, kurapika gathers the courage to speak.
“sooo…” he trails off, trying to think of something to say. after floundering for a few more seconds, he comes up with, “why do you want to be a zamboni hunter?”
meow meow meow meeow meow meow meow meoeew meow meow meow meow meow meeeow meow meow meeow meow meow meow meow meeeowww meow meow mewowww meow meow emwwwo meow MEOW MEO WM EMWOOOWOOOWWWW EMOW EMW MEWO MEOOOOWWWWWW
leorio grins with that awful, awful, truly disgusting smile of his.
“money,” he says, his eyes filled with greed and desire, but the hunger in his eyes makes kurapika question who its directed towards.
“are you sure thats… all you want?” kurapika says, a pink blush dusting his cheeks.
“are you questioning my… motives?” leorio says seductively, looking kurapika up and down. the tension is palpable. kurapika blushes harder.
“and what if i am?” kurapika says, a challenge of testosterone glistening in his gaze. leorio pauses for a second, a smirk on his face.
“well you’d be right!!” he says with a pure grin. “i want to become a zamboni repairman! but the training is so expensive…” he trails off, obviously recalling his tragic, tragic zamboni related past. “but if i become a zamboni hunter,” he says pointing to himself, “i can sell my license and be rich enough to go to school!”
kurapika gasps in shock. “wow, leorio,” he says in awe. “you are such a good man!”
leorio smiles a self satisfied grin. “of course i am!” after pausing for a moment, leorio turns to kurapika. “what about you, huh? why do you want to be a zamboni hunter?”
the sexy tension that had previously surrounded the two men was replaced by something… something that could only be described as pure and unadulterated bloodlust. leorios subpar zamboni stuttered in fear, and leorio found himself wishing he had never asked. kurapikas headlights turn red.
“the spiders.” kurapika says, his voice cold like ice. leorio stares in confusion, waiting for kurapika to continue.
“they are notorious thieves, have you heard of them? theyre called… the phantom troupe of zambonis. you can tell their members from a zamboni sticker on their zamboni.” leorio gasps, he had heard of them. they were notorious thieves, stealing zambonis and zamboni parts left and right. what business did kurapika have with them???
kurapika continues. “and have you heard of the kurta racers? they are a team of the most fantastic zamboni racers in history, and all of the members have ruby headlights, passed down through the generations.” leorio gasps, he had heard of them. they were a team of the most fantastic racers in history, all with beautiful ruby headlights. what business did kurapika have with them???
“i am the only racer left in the kurta racing team.” kurapika says sternly. “the ruby headlights, they were all stolen by the phantom troupe of zambonis, i was the only one who made it out.” kurapika looks down, his tragic, tragic zamboni related backstory weighing down on him. “all of their zambonis were destroyed, only the headlights survived.”
leorio stares, his mouth agape after hearing kurapikas story. he shakes his head to escape his shocked state.
“but… your headlights! they weren’t red earlier?” leorio questions.
“no,” kurapika agrees, “they only turn red when we enter Racing Mode.”