Chapter Text
“This just…. sucks.”
It was such a human phrase, which made it that much sadder. A bitter reminder of what Cas lost.
“Come on, man. It’s not that bad. Really.” Dean browsed the selection before crouching to look at the lower shelving. “Look,” he pointed to a brightly colored, pink and green tube. “They have watermelon flavored.” He held the tube closer to Cas. “You like watermelon, don’t you?”
Cas glared.
“That’s a child’s toothpaste. It has a cartoon fruit on it.” He crossed his arms and let out an adorable huff. And very ironically said, “I’m not a child.” Cute ..
“Here.” Dean held up a different tube. It was white, and had the name “hello” written across it. It was another watermelon flavour. Dean smiled gently. “I think Jack uses this brand.”
“Not helping, Dean.” Cas continued to glare at the offending tubes of toothpaste. “I just don't get it.”
“Well, Jack will be thrilled either way.” Dean stood up and tossed the tube into their empty cart. “So you don’t like mint, it’s not a big deal. Lots a’ people don’t”
“But I never had a problem the first time I became human.”
Dean touched his shoulder gently, Cas relaxed into his touch. “You had a bad experience with mint, it’s a part of being human.” Dean offered Cas a smile, he didn't return it, he didn't even look at him. “Everybody has something they can no longer eat because of a bad experience. Hell, I can’t eat tuna fish anymore after me and Sammy got food poisoning when I was ten.”
Cas sighed. “I suppose.”
“And maybe if you didn’t brush your teeth like a freakin’ weirdo .”
“ Dean .”
Cas had gone to the bathroom after breakfast to brush his teeth, one of the many human habits he’s not used to. He’d been using Dean's bathroom since he hasn’t gotten his own stuff yet. Dean had walked in and found the absolute dork squeezing the Colgate directly onto his tongue, and like a lot of it. And his other hand held Dean’s toothbrush, which… gross. Had he been using that all week? Dean really needs to go to the store and get Cas his own shit.
Apparently, Human Cas can’t sense Deans presence anymore, which they all found out the hard way. Seeing Castiel Former Angel of the Lord squeezing fucking Colgate directly on his tongue caused Dean to blurt “what the fuck are you—“
Cas, startled, gasped and inhaled the fucking toothpaste. Causing the poor guy to gag and start heaving over the toilet bowl. Dean filled the glass by the sink with water and rubbed soothing circles on his back until he was able to calm down. Unfortunately, now whenever Cas tried to brush his teeth or eat anything minty, he gagged and a few times vomited. It hasn’t been a good week for him. Dean promised to take him to the store and pick out a non-minty toothpaste and his own damn toothbrush.
“It’s embarrassing.” Cas turned and started pushing the cart further down the aisle, toward the toothbrushes.
Dean grabbed his, Sammy’s and Jack’s choice of toothpaste. Jack’s was a white tube, also had the word “hello” written across but in red. It was apple flavoured, and specified it was for toddlers and was safe if swallowed. They started buying that brand for him shortly after the first time Dean taught him to brush his teeth. Dean told him to “spit it out” but Jack turned and smiled “I already swallowed it.” So Jack’s no longer allowed to use adult toothpaste, because he continues to think it’s candy. Man, whatever gets the kid to brush his damn teeth.
“Since when do you care about this stuff anyway.”
Cas was picking at his fingernails while he eyed options. His face was pink and he looked everywhere but at Dean. “I just… never had this problem before”
“You mean when you were the size of a Chrysler building with like 100 eyes and a lionhead.” It was a touchy subject. Cas didn’t necessarily regret giving up his grace, but he still clearly mourned the loss. Everytime Dean or Sam would get hurt, his hands would twitch, wanting to heal them. On a rougher night, Cas confided he felt useless. Dean did his best to make him feel better, telling him he wasn’t useless, that they kept him around cause he’s family, with or without his angel mojo.
Cas nodded. He picked up a pack of 5 brushes and started reading carefully. “This one says ‘orthodontist recommended’... but this one also says ‘orthodontist recommended’. Dean, how are we supposed to know which to get?” It was the first time Cas made eye contact with Dean since walking into the store. Dean wasn’t sure which part Cas was most embarrassed about. Vomiting four times this week, having to use a child's toothpaste, or the fact that he had to do human shit now, like wash his hair, eat, shave, and well… shit.
“It doesn’t really matter.” Dean grabbed a pack of ten that had the best deal and tossed them into the cart.
“Dean,” Cas looked so offended, “those don’t say ‘orthodontist recommended’.” His eyes wide.
“Man, I promise, it’ll be okay.”
Cas hesitated, still unsure. So Dean sighed, switched the cheap one pack of ten, to two of the much more expensive packs of five. Seeing Cas’ satisfied smile was worth it.
* * *
“All you really need is a 3-in-1 and you’re good here.”
“Sam informed me, that if you try to get me to buy 5-in-1 anything, that I must insist you do not ‘push your heteronormative toxic masculinity agenda onto me.’” The entire sentence was absolute horse-shit but Cas using air quotes for literally every word made it that much more ridiculous.
“Yeah? Well tell Sam he doesn't know a damn thing about anything.” Dean threw the bottle of shampoo, conditioner, and body wash mix into the slow filling cart. “Besides it’s ‘3-in-1’ not ‘5-in-1’ and it’s cost efficient.”
“He says he ‘can’t believe you’re the gay sibling’ and that ‘you have Charlie’s hacked card anyway and theres no excuse for you to be dense,’’” Cas continued to use his airquotes on every word.
Dean turned. “What, are you texting him?”
“Um.”
“Fine. Text him this, ‘Kiss my ass.’” And to himself he muttered, “And it's time efficient too, asshole.”
“Sam is inquiring why you take so long in the shower then if it’s supposed--”
“Ok shut up. And stop typing everything I say to Sammy. I don’t even wanna know why the guy knows my showering habits.” Dean turned from the shelving to see Cas frantically typing on his small cell phone. “Are you still typing what i'm saying? Are you typing this right now?” He walked over to where Cas was still typing and clearly ignoring him, and snatched his phone.
Cas: Dean Would Like You To Know, “You Don't Know A Damn Thing About Anything.” B)
Sam: ???
Sam: Dean’s a little bitch
Cas: He Would Also Like To Inform You, That The Shampoo Is “3-IN-1” Not “5-IN-1”. I’m Quite Unsure Of The Difference, It Seems Like “5-IN-1” Is A Better Deal, Am I Incorrect? ^.^
Cas: He Also Said It Was Cost Efficient, I Can Not Help But Agree. :)
Sam: i cannot believe he is the gay sibling.
Sam: No Cas it is not better, and tell him he has Charlie’s hacked credit card so theres no excuse for him to be dense
Cas: Kiss My Ass
Cas: Dean Asked Me To Text You That. He Also Says “It’s Time Efficient Too, Asshole”
Cas: Again, His Words
Sam: time efficient my ass
Sam: ask him why he spends so long in the shower then
Cas: He Says, “Shut Up And Stop Typing Everything I Say To Sammy.”
Cas: “I Don’t Even Wanna Know Why The Guy Knows My Showering Habits.”
Cas: “Are You Still Typing What I’m Saying.”
Sam: i lived with him my whole life
Cas: “Are You Typing This Right Now.”
Sam is typing.
When Dean looked up Cas was smirking. That little shit.
“You’ve lost phone privileges.” He pocketed the phone before moving down the aisle.”And why do you type like that? It's damn sinful.
“Wait,” Cas went after him. “I apologize Dean it won't happen again.” The little shit was still smiling.
“No, I cant trust you anymore.” Dean moved out of the way to keep Cas from reaching into his back pocket.
He was almost out of the aisle when he realized Cas was no longer trying for his phone, and no longer behind him. Instead, he was staring curiously at a section in the shampoo aisle. “What’cha looking at, Angel?”
Cas pointed, “Burt’s Bees.”
Dean backtracked and met up with him. “Uh huh. What about it?”
“Do you think they support bees? Or that it smells like honey?” Cas’ expression darkened. “Or perhaps do you think it's made of bees?”
“What? I don't know. Definitely not that last one.” Dean scanned the products. “It looks like they spread Bee Awareness or some shit. Is this what you want?” He held up a shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. Separate bottles. Definitely smaller and more expensive. But for Cas? Worth it.
Cas smiled and nodded.
“Do not tell Sam I bought you this hippie shit.” Dean added the items to the cart and grabbed Cas’ wrist, which is attached to the hand that was inches away from grabbing the damn phone out of his pocket. Cas smiled, clearly trying to act innocent, and went to drop his hand. Dean held on, and moved his hand into Cas’ and laced their fingers together.
“You’ve lost hand privileges now.”
* * *
“Why do humans… Why do we require so many items for daily self-care?” Cas asked as they loaded the bags groceries into the back seat of the Impala.
“You’re the one who bought the face masks, dude.”
Cas hummed. “Jack mentioned he did one with Claire last time he visited. He enjoyed it.” They loaded up the last of the groceries, Cas’ new toiletries, Sam’s rabbit food, and a frozen pie that called Dean's name. Dean put the cart away with the others, when he returned Cas was leaning against the Impala. Looking gorgeous and in a significantly better mood than earlier. Dean had hoped the shopping trip would cheer him up.
Cas grabbed Dean’s arm and pulled him close. He wrapped his arms around Dean’s midsection and buried his face in his chest. “Thank you, Dean.” He spoke quietly.
“Of course, Cas.” Dean kissed the top of his head.
Cas pulled himself away just enough to place a kiss on his lips. They stood there for a moment. Cas leaned up against the Impala, drinking each other in. Cas’ lips were soft and familiar. Dean smiled at him when they broke apart. And they, reluctantly, unwrapped themselves from each other, and Dean made his way to the driver seat.
They barely pulled out of the parking lot before Cas said, “Sam said, ‘Stop flirting by texting me. My god, you can't take one shopping trip without being disgusting.’”
Wait . Dean turned, Castiel had his phone in his hands typing furiously. The little shit tricked him. “ Motherfucker .”
* * *
Dean tensed as when the cold, wet paper touched his skin. Jack’s finger pressed gently onto his face as he put the face mask into place. It smelled like oatmeal and lavender, and he wasn’t sure if he liked it or not.
Cas sat next to him, his face mask was already on, and his eyes were closed. He looked relaxed. Almost serene if it wasn’t for the fact that the face mask was supposed to look like a panda, but instead had him looking like that dead chick they had to gank a few years ago.
Dean’s was a tiger, or some fucked up version of one. The original picture did not translate well onto these masks, he was not sure why these things sold anyway. He knew he looked ridiculous if the snort coming from Sam in the doorway meant anything.
“Either put one on or kindly fuck off, Sammy.” Jack moved away to sit on the other side of Cas, and ripped open his own mask, it's supposed to be a puppy. Fitting. “We’re bonding”
“No, I’m good.” He had a shit-eating grin. “Eileen and I are going out anyway.”
As if on cue, Eileen made her appearance. Dressed in a bathrobe and fuzzy slippers, she clearly had no immediate plans to “go out.” Eileen took her spot in the chair, and ripped open the fourth mask, this one was supposed to be a llama. “Hi, Sam!” She said, once her mask was in place. She grabbed the remote and turned on the movie. Hercules. It was Jack’s turn to pick. “Are you joining us?”
Dean smirked. “Yeah, Sammy. You joining us? We’ve got one left.” He gestured vaguely to the table.
Sam held up the mask and quirked an eyebrow.
Dean made certain to get a picture of Sam passed out, Eileen's Headband keeping his hair back, and a white and pink unicorn mask covering his face. Eileen made it her phone background. And in return she sent Dean a picture. In the picture, Jack had his legs resting across the Cas and Dean’s laps, watching the movie intently. Cas was asleep on Dean's shoulder, his panda mask slipping down his face and leaving a wet spot on Dean’s t-shirt. Dean had a soft smile on his face. Gross, when did he get so mushy ? Dean made it his phone background anyway.
Dean slipped his mask off and tossed it away. He did the same with Cas’, carefully, to not wake him up. He leaned his head back, and shut his eyes.