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See, Katsuki wasn't the type to put stock in vague, hippie concepts like love, fate, or karma.
He was a man of science; graduated Valedictorian with a double degree in Chemistry and Molecular Biology, living large in a cushy penthouse by working for one of the biggest pharma companies in the US of A. He lived his life on hard math and exact measures, so if something can't be boiled down to a formula, then they simply didn't exist.
Love? Nah, that's just your drugged up brain talking, sweetheart.
Fate? It's called a coincidence , Susan. Just because we have the same birthday, doesn't mean I have to marry you.
Karma?
Well.
Isn't that just some excuse losers give when their life ends up on the wrong side of the road?
"Must be karma." Like, no no, listen carefully Harold, this has nothing to do with how you broke up with your girl over the phone on her birthday , you're just an idiot who didn't close the cap of your shitty tumbler properly, so enjoy those new brown stains on your stupid khakis, you dick.
The whole concept of karmic retribution was bullshit, 'cause Katsuki was totally fine and dandy despite his legendary anger issues that got more than one assistant peeing their pants, and an ego bigger than Jupiter on steroids that reduced his entire love life to a series of booty calls and blowjobs in back alleys.
So yeah, Katsuki didn't believe in karma either.
That is, until the world ended.
And until he found himself cornered by a zombie in the women's lingerie section of a fucking Macy's.
Where a goddamn thong was on his face while he held a metal bat against the zee's rotting neck, struggling to keep those dangerous teeth from biting his head off.
There wasn't much left to live for after the apocalypse, but Katsuki was no quitter, and sure, his penthouse and Lambo were gone, majority of the human population were in varying states of dead and undead, and he's been living off on expired cans of beans in the last few days. But he and Ei had a running bet on who'd kick the bucket first and Katsuki had no intention of losing, damn it!
He's survived for six months so far, and no way was he throwing in the towel now.
And yet it seemed like his cosmic ledger was finally in the red, and the karmic repo men were knocking at his door to take their due. Because not only was this goddamn zombie a sneaky motherfucker who jumped him right as he passed those lacy Midnight selections, he was also built like Johnny Bravo. Katsuki didn't skip a day in the gym, but fuck, holding off this zee was no different from bench-pressing over five hundred pounds without a spotter.
To think this was supposed to be a spur-of-the-moment pitstop to get himself and his shitty friends new shoes.
When he felt his arms about to give in, Katsuki closed his eyes and waited for the bite that pushed him into the growing ranks of the undead, only thinking fuck fuck fuck is this really how shit's gonna go down I haven't told Ei I was the one who spiked his pot brownies with laxatives in our junior year -
He waited for the inevitable.
But nothing happened.
Instead, the zombie's overwhelming weight was abruptly shoved off him, and Katsuki's eyes snapped open in bewildered relief, just in time to see a gun and hear the sound of a muffled double-tap against the zee's skull.
"Whew, that was a close one."
Katsuki zeroed in on the Glock - with a freaking silencer attached - and traveled up the gloved hand that held it, noting the sick-looking arm guards and broad shoulders, until his eyes finally reached the man's face.
His breath hitched. Whoa .
The guy had thick dark curls exquisitely finger fucked to look like I just rolled out of bed and not I've been living in my car for weeks ; a splatter of freckles adorned the curve of his cheekbones and the bridge of a soft nose, some more found along the chiseled line of his jaw down to the crook of his neck; lips that were chapped but still a kissable red, like he'd chewed them raw, either from habit or the stress of living alongside zombies, who knew. But the kicker was those eyes . Large and impossibly green, almost fake looking, but no one in their right mind would wear contacts in this kind of world.
Jesus . This guy had no business being that gorgeous in a fucking apocalypse.
"What's up, stranger?" Freckles smiled, like the world hadn't gone to shit in the last six months. "You okay?"
Katsuki bristled, hackles rising, because, one, his Ma taught him to never trust a pretty face with a honey-sweet smile; and two, who even looked at people that way anymore? As if this guy was genuinely worried about him. Which was nothing but creepy in this Walking Dead spinoff where survival instincts had a way of bringing out the animal in man.
Freckles even offered a hand to help him up, and that was the last straw. Katsuki slapped the offending limb away and jumped back to his feet on his own, glaring at the other man. This isn't fucking Disneyland, Bambi, he wanted to say. Soft shit like that doesn't make sense anymore. Soft shit like that won't fly until you want to get killed.
"I had that," Katsuki growled instead, because he didn't do "thank you's" anymore than he did apologies. Just because the world had the shittiest full-body make-over in history, didn't mean Katsuki’s personality had done a complete 180 either.
He scanned the floor for his gun, ignoring the amused snort and muttered "sure, you did," It had skidded off somewhere after the zee rammed him into a whole shelf of raunchy underwear.
"Looking for this?" Freckles raised his double-barrel with one hand.
Katsuki tensed, baring his teeth, getting ready to fight for his life, when the guy unceremoniously chucked the shotgun back at him. The blond stumbled as he caught it, stunned.
"Wha-"
"You should consider using a quieter weapon," Freckles commented as he tucked his Glock into a holster strapped to his thighs. And holy hell, those camo pants were probably a size too small, because Katsuki could see the fabric straining, and the way it hugged that perky ass...shit.
Now that he was back on his feet, Katsuki could see that Freckles was pretty tall and close to his height, maybe only a few inches shorter. He was built too, that long-sleeved black top he wore clung to the bulge of well-developed muscles, but he was definitely leaner up top than below. Dude's favorite day of the week was probably leg day going by how jacked those thighs and calves were.
Perfect for sprinting away from rabid zombies. Perfect for wrapping around Katsuki's waist too.
"-like a bat or a crossbow." Ah, he didn't realize that Freckles was still talking.
"Fuck you," he replied automatically, not really knowing what else to say. Not after he was just imagining what he could do with a tube of lube and twenty minutes in a barricaded closet with the other guy.
Freckles cocked an eyebrow, eyes flashing with something that warmed Katsuki's blood right up to boiling. "Maybe next time, stranger," he winked, and Katsuki's brain shuttered. Freckles turned back to a nearby shopping cart filled to the brim. "Got errands to run."
Katsuki snapped out of his mini-breakdown and casually followed the guy - yes, casually , like he didn't almost trip on a bralette while scrambling to catch up. He grabbed his basket of shoes before stopping by Freckles' cart, and that's when he spotted a pair of black-laced panties in the mix.
"Shopping for your girlfriend?" He snarked without thinking.
Freckles huffed out a small laugh. "Nah, just the gay bestfriend who owes too many favors."
Katsuki's pulse quickened at that offhanded revelation. "Yeah?" He followed as Freckles pushed the cart along, half-vigilant for any more zees sneaking around.
"You and her traveling alone?"
"That's a dangerous question to ask, stranger," Freckles teased, but despite his candid tone, Katsuki could see his gloved hand cautiously palming the grip of his Glock, ready to whip it out if things go south between them.
"Just wondering," Katsuki grumbled, though he understood where the guy was coming from. Post-apocalyptic America brought out the worst in some people, and he's heard of assholes who chose to prey on the few humans left, especially lone travellers or those in small groups. They raided, stole, even killed others to survive and establish a new pecking order in this lawless society. Katsuki and his group made sure to avoid them like the plague.
He kept his shotgun pointed away from the other guy, hoping it'll give some assurance that he wasn't planning to rob him blind after Freckles literally saved his ass.
"My dumbass friends and I are travelling together." He hesitated, taking a moment to mull over his options. Then a shoe fell from Freckles' cart and he bent over to pick it up. Katsuki bit down on his lip so hard, it bled.
"We, uh," he cleared his throat. "We got room for one or two more, I guess." He could feel his ears burning. Ugh, it felt so weird to act nice. Why did people even bother? "If you guys need a ride somewhere or shit."
Man, this was some shitty timing to develop a crush, but fuck it, yeah?
Green eyes widened before softening into something warm and curious. Katsuki's heart clenched. Fucking gross.
"Thanks for the offer, stranger," Freckles replied, his smile turning into something fond. "But I already got a crew of my own too." As if on cue, a walkie-talkie strapped to the guy's waist flared to life. A girl's voice - probably the best friend - crackled through the static.
"Deku?" She called out. "Deku, you copy?"
Freckles, no, Deku replied. "Loud and clear, Ochako. I got everything in the list. Circle back and meet me up front, yeah?"
"Sure! And did you get the -"
"Yes, yes, I got your panties," Deku drawled, giving Katsuki an exasperated look like ' see the shit I gotta deal with? '. "Tenya would surely appreciate your anniversary present."
"He won't know what hit him," the girl chirped, her cheery attitude throwing Katsuki for a loop. How can these two keep acting so casual, like this was just a normal Sunday shopping at a discount Macy's? There was a fondness on Deku's face, the brightness in his eyes undulled by the hellscape they currently lived in. Katsuki lived with Eijirou for months so he recognized the sort; these abnormal people pooping sunshine and rainbows even in humanity’s darkest hour.
"Oh, and we got company by the way. A ginger and a girl with pink hair in a black Cadillac. They don't appear to be hostile, but we're keeping an eye on them just in case. They said a friend of theirs is inside too."
Deku raised an questioning eyebrow at him, which Katsuki answered with a confirming grunt. The other man grinned back.
"Yeah, I know, I already met him. Saved his ass from a sneaky zee too."
"The hell you did!" He snapped, but Deku only smiled wider at his reaction.
"Anyway, he seems cool." Katsuki feigned nonchalance at the compliment, even if a teeny-tiny part of him preened. Fuck yeah, he still got game. "We're good here. I'll see you in a bit, okay? Over and out."
Deku smoothly replaced the walkie-talkie back on his holster and pushed the cart towards the direction of the store entrance. "Are you done with your shopping?" He asked, gesturing at the basketful of shoes. The guy paused in front of a stack of socks and started stuffing some of them into his already overfilled cart. "Weather's gonna get colder soon, unless you're going down South. You should get a couple of these too."
"Don't tell me what to do," Katsuki huffed, but took several warm-looking pairs anyway. Deku cracked a knowing smirk and resumed his path towards the exit with a soft hum.
"Cut that shit out, you'll attract the damn zombies."
"I'm sure we can take them easily," Deku breezed, smiling again in that soft way that made Katsuki's gut do fucking flips. Ugh. He blamed that on the expired mac and cheese they ate that morning.
"The hell kind of name is Deku anyway?" He scoffed as he angrily stomped down the butterflies in his stomach.
"The kind that isn't my real name," the guy quipped with a cheeky eye-roll. "I'm Izuku. Nice to meet you, stranger."
"Stop calling me that. I got a name," he growled. "It's Katsuki."
"Katsuki," Deku repeated, beaming. Now that they were closer to the entrance, the extra light brought out a feature he didn't notice before.
Of fucking course the guy would have dimples as well. Like being a freckled Adonis in this Z-world wasn't enough.
An urgent car horn caught their attention.
"Deku, get your perky ass moving!" A girl in a short brown bob yelled from the front seat of a grey Station Wagon. "We spotted a horde coming in hot! T-minus 5 minutes and counting."
"Kats, we gotta go!" Eijirou's voice came shortly after as their black Cadillac stopped behind the other car.
Katsuki swore and turned to Deku, only to find that the guy was already looking at him. His smile was bittersweet. "Good luck out there, Katsuki."
He swallowed thickly, unable to tear away from that sad evergreen gaze. "Yeah. You too, Deku."
Katsuki watched the Station Wagon in the rearview mirror before it disappeared in the opposite direction of where his group was headed. They were probably never gonna see each other again. The odds were too stacked against their favor and who knew if either one would still be alive next week, tomorrow, or even later that night? See, zombieland didn’t give a shit about your plans. It was a literal dog-eat-dog world out there, and if you’re not careful, you’ll end up screaming as zees chewed on your sorry ass.
But the mere thought of the light in those green eyes snuffed out and dead, or undead, turned his stomach something awful and acidic.
"You good, man?"
Katsuki scowled and hunkered down the backseat, pulling the hood of his jacket over his head. "Shut it. I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me up when it's time to switch."
He curled into a fetus position, wondering why the fuck his chest felt so damn heavy.
Living in a post-apocalyptic world wasn't all bad. They answered to no one, taxes stayed inside nightmares, and there was always booze lying around. Katsuki was getting pretty good at being a 21st century nomad, this life of no other concerns besides staying alive . Sure, they still had those shitty days when they ran out of gas or food, but they had good ones in between, and long car rides often turned into road trips with music blasting from mixtapes and CD albums they nicked from stores and apartments, and they'd laughed and flipped off all the zees that tried to catch up to their Cadillac.
Days like those were great.
This was not one of those days.
Katsuki tore through the apartment building, his feet carrying him up the stairwell two, three steps at a time. His chest heaved with effort, a metal bat clutched tightly in his fist as a horde of zees thundered behind him.
“Shit!” He glanced down over the railing and counted ten zombies right on his tail.
This latest supply run was turning into another goddamn shitshow.
Katsuki rounded the corner to a landing and dove into the first open apartment he saw. He slammed the door, locked it, and pressed his entire weight against it just as the hallway was filled with inhuman shrieks, and something began banging against the door with an obscene amount of force.
Shit shit shit . Katsuki's heart pounded as he braced himself against the wood, scanning the apartment for options. He was on the fourth floor and there was no fire escape to climb down from.
He pulled a walkie from his belt and flipped the switch.
“Where the fuck are you, Half-n-Half?”
There was a crackle before a voice went through. "Currently barricaded in an apartment on the second floor. I'm planning to escape through the window. You?"
"Fourth," he hissed. "Got no clear escape route either."
There was a pause on the other line. "Okay. Eijirou and I will figure out a way to lure the zees away from your floor."
"That's too fucking risky, dipshit," Katsuki growled, dread already pooling in his gut. "You have a clear exit, use it, and get the hell away from here while you still can."
"That's not an option."
"Shut the fuck up and just do what I fucking say for once-"
"We're not assholes like you, Katsuki. We’re not leaving you behind. Just standby and wait for us to give you the all clear."
"Motherfucker!" Katsuki snarled. He began counting in his head to distract himself from the groans of the undead behind him. By the time he reached the twentieth Mississippi, the sound of the elevator opening caught his attention. The banging abruptly stopped, and there was a rush of dead feet along the hall, shrieks shifting into growls as the zees fixated on another prey.
Then...nothing.
Katsuki frowned. That was weird. If either Eijirou or Shouto had gone up to fetch him, he would've heard the roar of their AK-47s punching holes into those undead bastards.
A soft knock made him jump.
"Hello? Anyone in there?"
That was not Todoroki's voice.
Katsuki tensed, hand flying to the hunting knife he kept strapped to his thigh. This person was clearly not any of his friends. Who the fuck was in the building they were raiding? Another group looking for supplies? Or one of those fuckers lying in wait to steal their loot?
"Uh, I actually know you're in there, since I can see your shadow from under the door."
The voice was oddly familiar, like he's heard it once in passing or maybe in a forgotten dream. "Anyway, I dealt with the zombies already, so it's safe to come out now." There was a pause. "...or not. Sorry, we just arrived and didn't know another group was already looting this place. I'll just get out of your hair then."
Katsuki didn't know what the hell compelled him to unlock the door but he did anyway.
The sight that greeted him made his heart stop.
"Deku?"
The green-eyed bombshell stared back with an equally stunned expression, but it was soon replaced by a wide, and clearly relieved lopsided grin. "What's up, stranger?"
Holy meatballs. What in the ever loving fuck was going on?
It's been three months since he last saw that gorgeously freckled face, and Katsuki was having a hard time believing that he was actually looking at it again. The afternoon sunlight slanted through the apartment's windows and hit Deku just right, bringing out the vivid green of his eyes and revealing that his hair wasn't black like Katsuki thought it was, but a deep, forest green. Those wild curls were the crowning glory of his new undercut, which was uneven on all sides, as if the guy had done it himself. But it did succeed in bringing out the sharpness of his jaw and revealing a cute pair of ears that were obscured the last time they met.
"You're still alive," he stated blandly, mind still glitching.
Deku giggled - fucking giggled like he wasn’t a grown-ass man with two pistols on silencers strapped to his rocking thighs.
"Yeah, you too," his smile softened. "I'm glad you're still here, Kacchan."
"Ha? The fuck is a Kacchan?"
That smile turned cheeky. "It suits you, don't you think?"
"I think you're gonna get a foot up your ass if you call me that again," Katsuki growled.
Deku threw his head back in a laugh, baring the bits of his neck visible from his zipped up deep grey windbreaker. They were pink from the cold, just like the tip of his nose and ears.
Winter in Zombieland sucked balls. Katsuki and his friends were planning to go down south, somewhere in Kansas or New Mexico, hoping to settle closer to the equator before the frost hit full time. This was supposed to be their last supply run before the trip.
"But you still keep calling me Deku though," he pouted comically, planting hands on his hips. “If you’re sticking to my nickname then I’m giving you one, Kacchan .”
Katsuki swallowed. The hell? It hasn't been three minutes since they met again and he was already swooning. Ugh. Stupid freckled gorgeous prick with the stupidly green eyes. Making Katsuki pine and worry over him for months and now he's here being cute on top of being a hot piece of ass.
Before he could give Deku the promised ass-kicking for that horrendous nickname, his walkie crackled back to life.
"Kats, you alive bro?"
Grunting, he swiped at the walkie, annoyed that his moment with Deku was interrupted. “Yeah.” He finally stepped out into the hallway and found all the zombies on the floor. Every single one had a clean head shot right between the eyes. Katsuki’s throat went dry at the obvious display of skill. “Zees have been dealt with. We’ve got company, by the way.”
“Oh! So you’ve met up with Izuku then!” Eijirou laughed with relief. “Remember that brown-haired chick with him back in Macy’s? Her name’s Ochako and I bumped into her while I was trying to get to Shouto. Total badass, this one. Helped me and Sho clear out the zees in the lower floors too.”
A high-pitched giggle came from the background, followed by what sounded like two idiots high-fiving. These goddamn dorks.
“Hello!” Deku brought his face closer to speak into the walkie, and Katsuki couldn’t breathe. “Izuku here! Thanks for helping Ochako!”
“Naw, man, thank you for saving Katsuki’s sorry ass for the second time!”
“Oi!” Katsuki barked.
Deku’s cheeks tinted pink as he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “It’s nothing. I’m just happy to help in whatever way I can.”
Katsuki narrowed his eyes in disbelief.
He’s been living in this shitshow of a world for almost a year now, and one thing he learned was Zombieland had a tendency to stomp out the kindness in most people. Yet Deku and his crew seemed determined to be the exception to the rule, rushing to the aid of strangers without considering the risk of not only falling prey to the zombies, but also getting double-crossed by the very people they risked their lives to save.
Not that Katsuki would ever do such a thing. He was no fucking saint for sure, but he still had a code. He didn’t screw anybody over, but he didn’t make the world a better place either.
Then he found Ei again. Motherfucker was his best friend in college and proved himself to be a goddamn cockroach, refusing to die at every turn. He and his annoying girlfriend Mina became the unwanted voice of his nonexistent conscience. It was all because of Eijirou’s own bleeding heart that Shouto and his girl, Momo were now part of his motley crew of idiots. If Katsuki had a say, he would’ve left those two Ivy League pansies on the side of the road where he found them.
The blond still couldn’t believe he was friends with someone who had the heart and soul of a golden retriever, but hey, Deku seemed genuinely pleased to see him still alive, so, eh, maybe opposites do attract or something.
“Oh, and since you guys were here first, we’ll just go someplace else.”
“Fuck that,” Katsuki snapped. “We’ll just split the loot.”
“But-”
“I said Fuck . That," he glowered, shoving a finger against the other guy's chest. He inwardly died at those rock-hard pecs. Damn. "We'll move faster with extra sets of hands to help. Stop protesting and just get to fucking work."
Fortunately, Deku didn't argue any further, and the rest of his crew agreed with the plan. With the lower floors guarded by the others, they were able to search each apartment more thoroughly. Katsuki eyed the armful of comic books Deku hauled out of one room.
"You're a fan of All Might?"
Green eyes blinked slowly as a blush spread underneath the freckles. His hold on those comic books tightened. “Sorry, I know it’s dumb, especially given the current circumstances and all but-”
“What the fuck are you sorry for? All Might’s kickass.”
“Oh.” The unexpected acknowledgement seemed to disarm the man. Deku gave him a wary look, green eyes searching Katsuki's face for something. "Y-You like All Might too?"
"Who the fuck doesn't?" Katsuki snorted. "It's All Might . Coolest fucking superhero ever. Those loser wannabes in Marvel and DC can't even compare."
Deku's smile was so bright, Katsuki feared he'd die of radiation poisoning.
"Oh my god! I totally think so too! All Might is the coolest !"
Their journey back to the ground floor was filled with a substantial discussion on why All Might was the best hero to ever be written into existence, arguing about the relevance of the different arcs of his saga, and unanimously agreeing that the movie adaptations completely sucked and should never be brought up again.
He called him a "nerd" after Deku perfectly enumerated all the holders of One For All along with their quirks. Deku called him a hypocrite after Katsuki ranted about how the movie mixed up the color scheme of the Bronze Era suit with the Silver Age one.
"Shut the fuck up, I'm All Might's number one fan."
“Well, I have All Might underwear,” Deku stated. Looking proud and not at all shy about the fact that he wore his favorite hero's face over his fucking crotch.
Katsuki counted off his fingers. “Socks. Shirts. Action figure. Poster. All limited edition merch. Ha!” He exclaimed in mock triumph. Deku rolled his eyes.
“But everyone gets those. We’re talking stuff only mega die-hard fans get." He smirked. "I have Toshinori Yagi's autograph.”
Toshinori Yagi was the actor who played All Might in the movies, and was the one thing the entire fandom agreed actually worked. He was like RDJ - ain't no one else gonna play that character but the man.
“I will murder you if you’re lying to me,” Katsuki barked, poking the nerd's hard stomach, inadvertently confirming the abs he suspected to be there.
Deku laughed, squirming away. “No, no. It’s the truth, I swear. We even took a picture together.”
“I hate you now. Go die.”
“Aww, you don’t mean that. Who’s gonna save your ass next time?”
“Die!”
They couldn't divvy up the loot while they were too exposed in the city, so both groups decided to get to the Interstate and park somewhere deserted first.
Katsuki may or may not have bullshitted his way into getting Deku to ride in his Caddy by making Eijirou go with the nerd's crew as "collateral" or something to keep each party from making off with the loot in their respective trunks before they could properly split it amongst themselves.
Deku called shotgun. Katsuki made sure to pretend he was annoyed by that.
The drive was different too - noiser . Normally they'd be too exhausted or strung out after a risky supply run, often electing to keep quiet or listen to Eijirou's gay-ass music. Today though - today there was conversation instead of muttered comments, an air of excitement Katsuki's sure came directly from Deku.
The nerd happily entertained all the questions they threw at him, no longer holding the same reserved caution he gave off during their first meeting.
Throughout that brief journey to the highway, Katsuki found out that Deku was traveling with five others, Ochako being the only one he knew pre-apocalypse, and the rest adopted by his heart of gold.
He met his best friend Ochako in high school, and the last time he'd seen her was during their graduation because Deku shipped out to the army the very next day.
Katsuki learned that the nerd was around his age - 27 years old - and he didn't go to college since his family was dirt-poor, so Deku enlisted in the military right out of high school instead. He ended up joining the 75th Army Regiment of the US Army Rangers, where he rose to the rank of Sergeant Major in his 7th year.
According to Shouto, whose dad was a US Army General, Army Rangers were the rank equivalent of Black Widow or Hawkeye - they were reserved for the most sensitive or difficult of missions and were incredibly lethal in the field. They were all excellent snipers too, which explained how Deku could hit multiple moving targets with frightening accuracy under extreme pressure.
But what truly struck Katsuki was the fact that the day Deku finally returned home for good was the day the world ended. Dude didn't even get one good night's sleep before he was thrown into another warzone.
"It's fine," Deku shrugged, the resigned lilt of his shoulders making Katsuki ache . "I guess I'm handling this whole apocalypse better because it's not that different from my life these past nine years. The constant traveling. Sleeping on the ground or in weird places. Living with the risk of death the next second, although our enemies didn’t try to eat us back there."
Then the nerd chuckled ruefully - it was a terrible, terrible sound - as he gazed sadly down at his hands. The gloves were off, and Katsuki noticed that they were riddled with calluses and scars.
Now Katsuki knew he was fucking awesome at most things. When he was born, the doctors wept with joy, 'cause they knew they were amidst greatness. Child prodigy, adult genius, with the looks and sex appeal that would rival Tony Stark in the billionaire Playboy category. Katsuki was da bomb - literally, with how many new explosives he patented in the last decade.
But there was one thing he didn't do well. He didn't do emotional shit. He can fuck you til you see stars and convert your religion, but the moment your face shifts into anything else besides blissed out perfection, Katsuki would walk away.
Tears and snot? Yeah, bye-bye.
You had a bad day? That sucks. Need someone to hug the pain away? Get outta here.
The Cadillac was rolling down the interstate at sixty miles per hour. And he was the one driving. And there were zombies loitering by the road, giving chase to any car that passed. Katsuki can't exactly walk away this time.
So he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
“Man, you must’ve killed it in Call of Duty.”
Deku’s somber expression melted into a small grin, and the mood immediately lifted. “That’s a good joke, Kacchan. I didn’t know you could be funny too.”
Huh. Guess he's amazing at everything after all.
Their second goodbye hurt worse than the last one.
Like getting slapped in the balls.
It sucked.
And with the way Deku hesitated on his way back to his crews’ Suburban, the nerd more or less felt the same way.
But reality was a harsh bitch who gave no fucks about green eyes and sunshine smiles. Not in the middle of a zombie apocalypse anyway, where travelling in big groups presented more risk, more loss.
“Good luck out there, Kacchan.” Deku offered a hand. “Stay safe.”
Katsuki took that scarred, calloused hand into a tight handshake, wondering if he could just weld the skin together if he squeezed hard enough.
“Yeah,” he replied hoarsely. “Don’t die on me, nerd.”
He wanted to say “see ya later, Deku,” but bit his tongue, knowing it was ridiculous to hope for another miracle in this hellscape they now called home. They got lucky this time, bumping into each other again despite the odds, but that luck was bound to run out in an unforgiving world like this.
Because maybe Katsuki was starting to believe in karma a little, but shit like fate was still up in fairyland.
This one time was really just a great coincidence.
And coincidences, especially those of the 'great' variety, never do repeat performances.
“What’s up, stranger?”
“Oh you’ve gotta be shitting me.”
Deku’s delighted laughter filled the air as Katsuki’s brain rebooted.
Is this for real?
This was happening right?
He wasn't stoned off his ass, living a fever dream from one of those pre-rolled joints Ei found in a supply run a few days back?
"Oh hey, Izuku!" Eijirou cheered, running up to the driver's side of the black Suburban. "It's great to see you, man! Been a while!"
That was the understatement of the fucking century.
It's been six months since they last saw the nerd. Six whole fucking months where Katsuki woke up in a cold sweat night after night, dreaming that Deku was lying on a pool of blood somewhere they couldn't reach in time. Six long-ass months where every zee with curly hair gave him a heart attack, thinking it was the nerd.
It wasn't healthy, and Katsuki tried to move on, he really fucking did. Deku had plagued his mind daily back then, but now he managed to last a whole three days without thinking of the nerd even once.
Yet all that progress went out the window the second he caught sight of those wild curls and vivid green eyes again.
"Hey Eijirou," Deku greeted back as he stepped out of his car. "I'm glad to see you guys too." He looked past the ginger and gave Katsuki a shy little wave. "Car problems?"
"Yeah," the ginger scratched his head. "Our engine just died on us and got us stranded in the middle of the road. Shouto and I’ve been trying to fix it for the last half hour but no luck."
"Oh, I think I have someone who could help." He knocked on the passenger door. "Hey Mei!"
"What?" A muffled voice came from the backseat of the Suburban. "Is it my turn to drive?"
"No, but some friends of mine are having car problems," Deku called back. "Think you could lend a hand?"
There was a grunt and the sound of several metal items falling over in the back, but soon the door was kicked open to reveal a teenage girl with pink dreadlocks held down by a pair of welder goggles. “Alright, let me see that baby.”
She stomped over to where Shouto was, with a toolbelt strapped around her waist, peering into the hood with interest. Katsuki snarled when she accidentally hip checked him as she evaluated their engine, but the girl didn’t even apologize, too engrossed with her task.
"Is she one of your crazy best friends too?" Katsuki huffed after walking over to join Deku, who was leaning against his Suburban, pistol at the ready, keeping a watchful eye on their surroundings. He ignored the thumbs-up Eijirou threw his way when he left them to go join Shouto and Mei.
The nerd chuckled. "Maybe? Mei's a self-proclaimed 'mad scientist' so I guess the 'crazy' part tracks."
"So she’s another stray you picked up then?" He snorted, casually planting himself beside Deku, his heart fluttering a little when their shoulders brushed.
"More like, she picked us up," Deku smiled fondly at Mei arguing with Shouto about something under the hood. "We got cornered by a horde four months back, and she came out of nowhere on a monster truck. Bulldozed her way through and told us to get in."
Katsuki shook off the cold fear that washed over him at the mere thought of Deku getting mauled and feasted on by a whole pack of ravenous zombies. But the nerd obviously noticed the way he shuddered, because he quickly switched gears and began talking about something else.
And just like that, they once again fell into an easy conversation, as if they hadn't been separated for six whole fucking months with no idea whether either one was still alive.
“We went to LA. Ran into RDJ.”
“Yeah? How’s that guy doing?”
“He’s a zombie now. Was.”
“Ah. Well, tough shit. Tell me you at least stayed the night in one of those celebrity mansions?”
“Eh, most of them were hard to defend. And the city was overrun. We only stayed long enough for Ochako to raid a Sephora.”
“Christ, Round Face is batshit crazy.”
Deku barked out a laugh. “Man, she will throw you to a horde of zees if she hears you calling her that.”
“Ha! She can fucking try.”
“She definitely can. She’s a judo black belt, Kacchan.”
Katsuki snorted. “That black belt can kiss my Muay Thai championship belt’s ass.”
Deku perked up at that. “Did you fight professionally?”
“Just competed in shit during college,” he shrugged, flexing his arms a little bit. He made sure to put in several dozen push ups and pull ups every morning so that when he bashed heads in, the zees stayed down.
And the way Deku's eyes hungrily traced the dips and curves of his triceps and biceps was a nice bonus.
Like, real fucking nice.
"Did you continue after you graduated?"
“I didn't really have the time to participate in legit tournaments, but I kept up the training. Sometimes, I'd spar with the guys in my gym, or join those underground MMA fights when they pop up in my city."
Deku whistled. “I hear those could get pretty brutal.”
“Yeah, if you’re a loser. Which I’m not.” Katsuki smirked. “You’re not the only one who was a badass before the world turned to shit, nerd. I won every fight I ever had.”
Those evergreen eyes sparkled with interest as his lip quirked upwards playfully. “Maybe we should spar some time.”
Images of that body pinned beneath him raced through Katsuki’s mind, and his response was instant - “No fucking way.”
“Why not?” Deku’s mouth twisted into a saucy smirk as he pushed further into the blond’s personal space, his chest pressing against Katsuki's shoulder. Their faces were inches apart - he could almost feel the nerd’s breath against his jaw. “Scared that I might actually beat you?”
“In your dreams, loser,” he scoffed, though it came out a little strangled. “Just because you have god-tier sniping skills, doesn’t mean I can’t kick your ass in hand-to-hand.”
Deku hummed, eyes flickering down to his lips. “Is that so?” He murmured, leaning closer. Katsuki swallowed thickly.
The nerd’s eyes moved back up and kept his gaze. Katsuki held his breath.
"Hey love birds!"
Both of them jolted and jumped away. Katsuki swore loudly after he nearly shot his own foot.
"H-Hey Mei!" Deku squeaked, looking like a strawberry with how red he was. "What's the verdict?"
"That Hummer's a bust," Mei replied as she absently wiped down her tools with an oil-stained rag. She gave Katsuki a pointed look. "Your carburator's shot, and it's a special model so you can't just exchange it with the types found in the cars around here."
"Shit," Katsuki growled, running through his options. They could try to find another ride to jack and just transfer the gas from the Hummer but damn it, that car was the best they've had, next to their black Caddy. It'd be hard to find something to replace it with.
"We can give you guys a lift," Deku blurted, and upon seeing Katsuki's stunned expression, he fumbled. "I mean! Only if you want to! I get that some groups are careful about letting others know where they're staying for security reasons, which is smart! Like, that's good, being careful is good, but it's gonna be night time soon, and it won't be safe for you to just walk back and I-"
Katsuki shrugged off his initial shock at the offer - he should stop being surprised with the nerd's Mother Teresa levels of kindness - and rolled his eyes at the flustered man. He reached over and flicked his forehead.
"When will you stop coming to my rescue, shitty nerd?"
Deku's nervous smile shifted into a shit-eating grin. "Never, Kacchan."
The journey back to their compound was similar to the car trip they had six months earlier, only this time Deku seemed adamant to wrangle as much information about Katsuki that the blond was willing to give.
"It was mostly me talking last time!" Deku pouted - and aye, those pink, chapped lips jutting out like a five-star meal was goddamn obscene.
So Katsuki gave in to the nerd's curiosity, and the ride was filled with chatter about his childhood - how he grew up pretty well-off with a designer dad and a fashion model mom; how he was determined to forge his own path outside of the family business and that's why he ended up graduating Valedictorian with a Chemistry degree and working in one of the country's top pharmaceutical companies before the apocalypse.
He can't remember the last time he did that much talking. Ei mostly did it for him and he'd just grunt in agreement or dissent every now and then. It felt a little awkward to talk about himself like this, having no other agenda but to simply share a bit of his history with someone else.
And the way Deku clung to every word with stars in his eyes, occasionally interrupting Katsuki with exclamations of "that's so cool!" or "Kacchan is amazing!" made his chest squeeze just a little.
"You must've been Mr. Popular," Deku teased. "Beauty, body, and brains. All the girls probably threw themselves at your feet on every turn."
"Nah," Katsuki shrugged, pointedly casual. "Never been interested in girls."
There was a pause. "Oh."
"Yeah."
Deku hummed, fingers drumming on the steering wheel. "Well, either way, I'm sure Kacchan would've made a great boyfriend!"
Shouto let out an audible snort while Eijirou, the bastard, went right ahead and laughed .
Katsuki glared at them through the rearview mirror. "You fuckers got something you wanna say to me?"
"Bro, you know I love you, but there's a limit to how much I can lie on your behalf," the redhead grinned, shaking his head. "You were a bitch in college, dude. Sure, you were hot shit and everyone and their mothers wanted to sleep with you, but no one ever stayed to wake up to your scowling mug."
"That's because I kicked them out, Shitty Hair!" Katsuki snapped. " I rejected all of those dumb extras, not the other way around.'
"I still couldn't understand why anyone would hook up with you in the first place," Shouto added with a mild grimace. "Did you put a bag over your head?"
"I'm gonna pound your ass."
"Hmm, interesting choice of words."
Deku snickered. Katsuki's face bloomed red.
"Fuck, I- that's not what I fucking meant, you shithead!"
"Yeah, Shouto," Eijirou snorted, wiggling his eyebrows at the blond. "We both know whose ass he really wants to pound."
“Do you wanna get fucked up too?”
“Only if you’re gentle, Kacchan.”
Katsuki slammed his head against the airbag compartment, half wishing it would deploy and suffocate him. “…Why are we friends?”
"Because most people are either dead or undead--"
"--and the rest don't like you!"
Deku covered his mouth with one hand, shaking.
Katsuki threw him a dirty look. “Stop laughing.”
Deku released his mouth and let peals of laughter escape. Tears edged out of his scrunched-up eyes.
Katsuki poked his side, making the nerd squeal and squirm as he tried to escape the blond's tickle attack.
"K-Kacchan!" Deku wheezed, full on crying now from laughter. "Stop! I'm gonna crash this car!"
"Fuck it, who cares."
"We do," the two idiots at the back chorused.
This one is for the boys with the booming system
Top down, AC with the cooler system
When he come up in the club, he be blazin' up
Got stacks on deck like he savin' up
"Oh look, Kats, it's your anthem playing."
"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."
"You literally play this on loop every time we drive out," Shouto deadpanned.
Fuck, the nerd was gonna judge him so hard for this.
“I like this song,” Deku commented offhandedly, a small smile playing on his lips as he tapped his fingers on the rhythm.
Katsuki's mind glitched with an ERROR 404 blaring across his frontal lobe.
He gaped as the nerd raised the volume, sparing him a sly glance before opening his mouth to —
"I said, excuse me you're a hell of a guy; I mean my, my, my, my you're like pelican fly; I mean, you're so shy and I'm loving your tie; You're like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye, oh"
— rap like he was a born a black woman in the Bronx —
"Yes I did, yes I did, somebody please tell him who the eff I is; I am Nicki Minaj, I mack them dudes up; Back coupes up, and chuck the deuce up!"
"Boy you got my heartbeat runnin' away!" Eijirou sang along, totally offkey.
"Beating like a drum and it's coming your way," Shouto recited in monotone, on purpose because he wanted to fuck with Katsuki every chance he got.
"Can't you hear that Boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass?" Everyone else was singing now.
Eijirou kicked the back of his seat. "C'mon bro, join in!"
"I kill you!"
"Yeah that's that super bass!" Deku finished.
And suddenly Katsuki didn't mind the humiliation of getting outed as a Nicki Minaj stan because of the way the setting sun silhouetted Deku with a golden outline, and how those dimples on his freckled cheeks deepened when he howled and snorted out his nose, laughing with his entire body.
When the next verse came along, Katsuki jumped in.
Because the nerd may be hot as fuck but he was years too early to beat Katsuki in a Nicki Minaj rap battle.
"How 'bout you, nerd?" He asked. "You ain’t bad-looking yourself. Broken any hearts before?"
"Ah," Deku rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "The last relationship I had was back in high school. You don't really have time to date in the army."
"What, not even flings or one-night stands?" Katsuki sneered, incredulous. "Don't tell me you're still a fucking virgin."
Deku gave him the stink-eye. "No, I'm not. It's just, I dunno," he paused. "Complicated? I'm the type to get attached quickly, but my line of work makes commitment impossible. Not to mention how the army is with gay soldiers."
"They gave you a hard time?"
Deku clenched his jaw, fingers squeezing the steering wheel. "Not me, since I was careful and didn't come out 'til the apocalypse happened. But I've seen what they do to openly gay soldiers in the lower ranks, yeah."
Katsuki clicked his tongue in disgust. "It's the fucking 21st century. What the hell is their problem?"
Those people had to be next-level dicks to get someone who was the embodiment of spring to turn cold and hard so quickly. Katsuki wasn't an LGBTQ activist, but he made sure to take no shit in his job, and beat the ass of every homophobic fucker who dared to cross his path.
"Yeah, well, one good thing about a zombie apocalypse is no one cares about stuff like sexuality or race anymore," Deku sighed. "Everyone is either human or undead."
"And now we can actually beat up any homophobic asshole we meet without worrying about a lawsuit," Katsuki grinned.
Deku's lips stretched into a wry smile. "Or we could just shoot them right in the balls."
"Ha, you're a vicious little shit."
They arrived at the compound too quickly. Katsuki had been hoping for the stretch of road to never end, for them to stay like that forever, talking and basking in each other's presence. It's been so damn long since he's heard that voice and seen that stupidly gorgeous face, and who knew when he'd get the chance again?
"Hey Izuku, why don't you guys stay the night?" Eijirou offered after he called it in on the walkie, and Momo showed up to open the gate of the compound. "I'm sure the girls would want to see you too, bro!"
Katsuki caught Eijirou's wink in the rearview mirror and fuck, he could just kiss the guy, no homo.
Deku glanced at Katsuki, partly nervous and partly hopeful. "Uh, you sure? I don't want to impose..."
The blond scoffed and pinched his side, making the nerd yelp in surprise. "Shut up and pull into the driveway, dipshit."
Deku insisted on treating them to dinner that night.
" Jesus ," Eijirou groaned. "This is the best thing I've ever eaten in months."
"Chili Mac is the best MRE, hands down," Deku grinned. "Soldiers will trade almost anything to get a packet of these bad boys."
Katsuki could believe that. This shit was so fucking tasty, and it's been a while since he had anything remotely spicy that didn't taste like week-old socks. Not to mention how the packet also contained a decent pound cake, jalapeno cheese spread and crackers, and some hard candy. Hell, there was even coffee and matches in there. You can brew a cup of joe then burn shit when you're bored.
"The Beef Ravioli is good too," Shouto hummed, feeding Momo a spoonful. "And look," he raised a small aluminum packet. "This is a bacon cheese spread."
"Holy shit, gimme!" Eijirou made a swipe that Shouto deftly evaded.
"Where'd you even get these, Midobabe?" Mina asked through a mouthful of chili mac. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen them in a grocery store before.”
"MREs are food rations typically sold to the military,” Momo explained. “So their manufacturers don’t supply commercial stores.”
Deku nodded. “I was kind of a pushover during my first year in the army, so my seniors would often send me on the tasks no one else wanted to do, like doing supply inventory.” He chuckled. “Joke's on them though, because that's how I found out who the manufacturers of the MREs were and their warehouse locations."
Katsuki's jaw dropped. "So all those boxes crammed at the back of your car are full of these food packets?"
"Well, uh, yes, but there are some toiletries in there too if you guys are short on anything-"
"Oi, stop," Katsuki shook his head and threw the freckled man an irritated look. "That's your crew's shit, man. Don't go and just give that away."
Christ. They've been in this shitty world for more than a year now, and the nerd's still the same Good Samaritan as before.
Deku scratched the back of his head. "Uh, well, the stuff I have is a surplus, really. The warehouse we raided was still locked and intact so we got out with around four cars worth of MREs. I can actually leave behind everything in my trunk right now and it won't really make a dent on our supply, at least for the next four to five months."
Eijirou whistled low. "Damn, bro, you guys are living large," he joked, but Deku's face suddenly shifted into something serious.
"About that," he started, and he looked back at Katsuki.
"What?"
"Are you guys, uh, all set here?" He asked, fiddling with his MRE packet. "Like, um, I can see it's nice and secure, but sorry, I couldn't help noticing that your supply run today didn't turn up much."
Katsuki met Shouto's mismatched eyes, and could tell from the look on his face that he’s been thinking about that too.
"Yeah," he rubbed his face in frustration and eyed the other three. "I think we should move soon."
The room fell silent for a few moments, before Eijirou shook his head with a nervous grin. "Kats, this place is too good, man."
Katsuki saw his best friend's gaze travel back to Mina, who absently stroked her heavily swollen belly. As far as Momo could tell - who was the only one among them with medical training - Mina's due date was only a few weeks away. Katsuki could understand why Eijirou would be apprehensive about moving before she delivered.
"I know what a fucking pain in the ass it is, but we’ve basically exhausted the resources around here. Even if we took Deku's supply, it'd last us two, maybe three weeks tops." He put down his MRE packet, suddenly losing all appetite as he gave his friends the harsh truth. "I think we should go while Mina still has time. Pack up all our shit and just drive until we find somewhere decent enough. It’s not like any place will ever be completely safe."
"What if there is one?"
All eyes turned to Deku.
"What do you mean?" Momo asked, dark eyes narrowing cautiously.
Deku's eyes flicked towards Katsuki and took a deep breath.
"We found a safe zone."
The rest of the night was spent in some kind of tense silence as they all mulled over everything Deku had told them over dinner.
A safe zone. Hidden along the Colorado River, somewhere in the Mexican border. A place so secure, there were only two ways into the stronghold: by air through a helipad on the roof deck, or by entering the Gulf of California, and taking a boat upstream of the river. No way a zombie would stumble into the place by accident, and cameras and sensors were scattered along the river to warn the stronghold of any human intruders before they could even reach the property line.
There'd be no need to be constantly looking over their shoulders or take shifts as a lookout.
And it was supposedly fully decked with basic necessities and more. Like a medical ward, manned by actual doctors and nurses. Katsuki saw how Mina's face lit up when Deku talked about the OB-GYN they had on staff, how they were fully stocked with supplies and meds to make sure she had a safe delivery. To sweeten the pot, the community was self-sustaining in terms of food - they had a greenhouse and vegetable garden, even a small barn for the livestock they've caught and raised. They only scavenged for food items they couldn't produce yet, like sugar, salt, or flour. Otherwise, no one was anxious about where they'd be getting their next meal.
Most of the raids they conducted were to collect materials used in maintaining and repairing their generators and other appliances because the whole place was also powered, converting hydroelectric energy from a waterfall that flowed directly over it. It was renewable and sustainable .
Overall, it was a place that could last five, ten, maybe even twenty or thirty years down the line. Somewhere Eijirou and Mina could raise their kid, and Shouto and Momo could finally start a family of their own. And Katsuki, well...he'd at least get to see the nerd more than once every few months.
It sounded almost too good to be true.
But he could see the evidence of it in Deku alone. How much healthier he seemed, the bags under his eyes much less defined compared to the last time they met. Like a huge burden had been lifted off his shoulders.
Even without a verbal consensus, Katsuki had already seen the answer in everyone's eyes.
"Can I join you?"
Katsuki turned and found Deku stepping out of the house.
"Dude, get some fucking sleep," he snapped at the freckled man. "You've got a long-ass drive tomorrow."
Deku shrugged as he climbed onto the back of the pick-up. "It's okay, I'll take power naps while it's Mei's turn to drive." He settled beside Katsuki and leaned back to look up the stars. "I just wanted to spend more time with you."
"Sappy bastard," Katsuki teased, nudging him with his elbow. "We might see more of each other soon, you know."
Deku hummed. "So you think everyone will agree to come?"
"Are you kidding? I think I saw Shitty Hair's soul leave his body when you said you had a Nintendo Switch in your game room. The fact that you have a game room in the first place blew our minds."
"We have a library too," he added. "With an extensive comic book collection. I completed the All Might volumes just last month."
"Holy shit, man. Let's go right now. "
Deku giggled, and leaned over to rest his head against Katsuki's shoulder. He stiffened for a second before relaxing as the nerd's body warmth washed over him.
"I want to take you there as soon as possible too," he murmured. "But there are preparations to be made first. It's a two-day drive, and we need to make sure the river ferries are available."
"Don't sweat it, nerd. We can wait a week. Even two."
Deku shook his head. "No, no, I'll make sure we're back in no more than seven days. I'll even push it to five, so you guys better be packed by then."
"I'd be surprised if those idiots aren't packed by tomorrow morning."
The other man sighed contentedly as he relaxed further against him. Katsuki knew he should be keeping a lookout, but he can’t stop his thoughts from settling on all things Deku. This was the third time they've met and the longest they've stayed together. And yet, Katsuki was still unsatisfied.
He has this annoying, unwavering urge to get to know more about Deku, and Katsuki's never had that before in his life. No other person pre- or post- apocalypse has ever caught his attention so completely. It was driving him insane, the instinctive way his entire being just drifted to the nerd every time they met (and even while apart).
"Kacchan?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm glad I found you again."
Katsuki's head whipped to the side, only to find Deku already looking at him, eyes dimmed by the night, but still breathtaking regardless.
"I guess we have that kind of luck, huh?" Katsuki teased, but Deku shook his head.
"It's, uh, not luck." He cleared his throat at Katsuki's confused frown. "I, um, I was searching for you guys." His gaze dropped back to the fingers that were nervously fiddling with the hem of his jacket.
"...the hell?"
Deku ran a hand through his hair but continued to avoid Katsuki's gaze.
"Every time we go out for supply runs, I'd go off on my own for a while and just...drive around," he explained. "I saw your black Cadillac in Ohio two weeks back. Same license plate. I hoped you'd still be nearby, so I requested to raid the MRE warehouses I knew were in this state."
Katsuki's mind buzzed from this new information.
"Is that why you and that weirdo chick were on your own in Pennsylvania?"
"Uh, yeah," Deku's voice dipped in embarrassment. "Everyone else went ahead after the raid. I didn't plan to bring Mei along either, but she insisted." He folded his knees and tucked them close to his chest. "Sorry," he muttered.
"The fuck are you apologizing for?"
Deku only hugged his knees closer. "Oh, um, for being a creepy stalker?" He let out a nervous chuckle. "I, uh, couldn't stop thinking about you and I didn't really know what else to do." He hid his face in the grove between his knees. Under the soft light of the full moon, Katsuki could see the tips of the nerd's ears turning red.
The blond barked out a laugh that startled both of them. Deku raised his face to gape at him while Katsuki felt an incredible amount of relief wash over him upon discovering that he wasn't the only one going crazy because of the other. It helped soothe his ego, and boost the bravado that finally pushed him to lean in and knock their foreheads together.
"Me too, damn nerd," he grinned, feeling lighter than he had since the world ended. Nah, scratch that. Even before the world ended.
He raised a hand to cup the nerd's cheek. Deku's eyes widened. "I spent months wondering what happened to your freckled ass. Thank fuck you found me 'cause I didn't know what to do either."
He watched Deku’s expression shift at the words, and there was a hint of something on his flushed face that suggested he’s got something else he wanted to say.
"Spit it out, nerd."
"I like you."
Deku’s eyes went wide when he realized what he'd just said, fear and regret beginning to color his features as Katsuki remained silent, dumbstruck by the unexpected confession.
Holy shit.
Before he could formulate a response, Deku was already sitting up and shuffling over the edge of the pick-up, quick ‘sorrys’ falling from his lips. Moving solely on instinct, Katsuki reached out and grabbed the other man's wrist, abruptly pulling him back down. It made Deku lose his balance, and he fell right on top of Katsuki, accidentally straddling his waist.
Which was actually the perfect position for Katsuki to surge forward and press his lips to Deku’s. He wrapped one hand around the back of the nerd's neck, while the other snaked around his waist, pressing him deeper into the kiss, ignoring everything but the feel of soft lips against his own. Deku gave out a surprised squeak, which made Katsuki pull back with a low laugh.
"W-Wha-"
He doesn't let Deku speak, because the words were spilling out of Katsuki's mouth before he could stop them.
"You...you're a fucking idiot. We’re in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, and, fuck, everyone's just trying to stay alive, yeah? I've got my hands full trying to keep my merry band of morons in order, and get us through this shitshow of a world one day at a time. But you," he flicked Deku's nose. The guy had the audacity to giggle.
"You came along and messed me up with your stupidly pretty face and ridiculously big heart. And hey, me and you, we're like night and day. You're this weirdass fusion between Black Widow and Captain America--deadly hot but with a heart made of puppies and shit. And I'm like, Tony Stark and Steven Strange before their redemption arcs, get it?"
Deku opened his mouth as if wanting to say something, but Katsuki clapped a hand over his lips cause he wasn't done talking, no sirree, because 27 years of emotional constipation had piled up so much shit behind his walls, and now Deku had force-fed him with a buttload of laxatives.
Yeah, no. He wasn't done.
"But despite all the fucking odds, we kept meeting again and again, and the more I get to know you, it's like, shit, I didn't know I could want someone like this. Like-" he struggled to find the words. "Like I was drowning this whole time and you're that breath of air I desperately need."
He paused to shake his head. "Fuck, I'm so damn scared. Straight up shitting myself. Because nothing's set in stone in this man-eat-man world, and I could lose you. So fucking easily. And that terrifies me more than any rabid zee."
God, he sounded so fucking pathetic. Katsuki's hands slipped from Deku's face to cradle his own. He wanted to burrow into the ground or fling himself off a cliff from the embarrassment alone.
He's said this before. Katsuki didn't do emotions . Couldn't handle them on other people. Definitely couldn't handle them on himself.
Then he felt hands overlap his own and slowly pry them off his face. Deku was staring at him, lips curved into a hopeful smile.
"You like me back?"
Katsuki swallowed the knee-jerk denial that rose up his throat. Emotional constipation be damned. Zombies roamed the earth. They could die tomorrow. This was an all-or-nothing kind of world.
"Yeah."
It was Deku who closed the gap between them this time, lips slotting back into place with a sense of inevitability, like this was how it was meant to go in the end, like this was exactly where either of them should be. He felt teeth graze and nibble at his lower lip, quietly asking for permission, and he almost laughed again, because even with kissing, the nerd just had to be so fucking adorable and kind.
But he quickly had to reevaluate this thought, because as soon as he opened his mouth, Deku descended upon him like a ravenous zee, intent to take everything he had to offer and more. They both moaned into each other's mouths, exchanging breaths between them, growing light-headed from pleasure and oxygen deprivation.
It was Katsuki who had to break away first because one, he seriously needed to breathe, and two, he was about to pop a nut right there.
"Deku," he rasped, hands cupping the other man's freckled cheeks.
"I really, really like you, Kacchan," he whispered, twisting his face so he could kiss the underside of Katsuki's wrist. He shivered.
Scarred hands reached up to take his own again, and Deku laced their fingers together, the sweetest expression erupting on his face. "I think I might even love you, but I'd forgotten what that feels like. I haven't let myself want someone this much in a long time. Maybe ever." He raised one of their interlocked hands and planted a kiss on Katsuki's knuckle.
His breath hitched as his heart literally skipped a fucking beat.
Who the hell was this guy?
"Maybe...maybe we can find out together?" Deku continued back, long lashes fluttering shyly, switching from lust demon to flustered virgin so quickly, Katsuki was left reeling from the whiplash.
He dove back into Deku and the man welcomed him with just as much vigor, their joint desire a tidal wave that threatened to drown them in sweet, heated bliss.
It felt bright again in Katsuki's mind, and the world seemed to respond to Deku's touch in a way that ignited his surroundings with color he hadn't seen since the apocalypse began.
They stayed that way the whole night, lips locked, hands roaming, arms wrapped around each other in a tight embrace. Their hips bucked and rutted against each other, grinding and straining against the fabric until they came in their underwear. It was sticky and gross, but neither of them wanted to break contact to wash up and change.
After all that, they laid on the back of the pick up with Deku petting his hair and his head pillowed on the nerd's strong chest.
"You better hurry back, shitty nerd."
"I promise, Kacchan. Whatever it takes, I'm taking you home."
"Whatever it takes, I'm taking you home."
Katsuki glared up at the barrel of the gun pointed at his face.
Behind him, Mina whimpered in Eijirou's arms, while Shouto planted himself in front of Momo, shielding her as she clutched the back of his shirt, trembling.
They had one day left. One fucking day before the nerd returned.
They were so close. So fucking close.
Goddamnit!
"Any last words?" Tomura Shigaraki, the crusty bastard leader of the League of Villains, sneered.
Fuck fuck fuck!
What kind of rotten luck was this? For a notoriously brutal gang to stumble upon their compound that morning, right after they finished packing shit for the trip to Deku's stronghold? They didn't stand a chance against a whole group of twenty or so heavily armed assholes who took pleasure in pillaging and killing their way through the apocalypse.
"Don't shoot the bitches yet," his second in command, Dabi, drawled, eyeing Momo with a nasty glint in his eyes. "They'll be a good reward to the men."
"Oooh, I call dibs on preggy!" Toga squealed, brandishing a hunting knife, golden eyes gleaming maliciously. "I've always wondered how those C-sections are done."
Mina released a strangled cry of horror as Katsuki's blood ran cold.
These guys were fucking monsters.
"Fine, whatever," Tomura shrugged before cocking the pistol he pointed at Katsuki's face. "But we have no need for the rest."
Two other lackeys raised their pistols at Eijirou and Shouto. Katsuki closed his eyes in frustration and fear.
Fuck fuck fuck!
They were so close!
So fucking close!
Just one day!
One more day and they would've been free from all this bullshit!
They'd be on their way to their new home.
Ei's kid would be born, and he'd be a godfather and Shouto would be that weird uncle who stayed too long after Christmas dinner.
Momo would stop staring at Mina's stomach wistfully and finally take a shot at building a family of her own.
And Katsuki would see his nerd again.
One more day was all they needed.
But they weren't going to last another day. They probably didn't even have a minute left to live.
Fuck.
Was this the real karmic retribution for all the shit he pulled before the world ended? He survived Zombieland for more than a year, only to die like a dog.
In hindsight, yeah, maybe he deserved this kind of fucked up ending.
But his friends didn't.
And Deku sure as hell didn't.
That nerd probably spent his entire life living up to the army motto: "to serve and protect." Probably got it tattooed on his back. He was a living saint, an absolute rarity in this post-apocalyptic wasteland where bastards like Shigaraki ran amuck.
Katsuki didn't want to imagine the look on his face once he arrived and found what remained of them.
Didn't want to think what that would do to a heart as big as the one Deku kept wearing on his sleeve.
Somehow, he was more worried for the nerd than himself at the moment. It made him want to laugh aloud at the irony.
It only took a zombie apocalypse for him to get over himself and finally act like a decent human being.
Better late than never, right?
If Katsuki had known this was going to happen, he wouldn't have held anything back. Katsuki would have taken everything, fucked Deku right there, until every zee in their zip code came running because of how much he screamed out Katsuki's name.
And that voice . Honeyed but with a masculine rasp, capable of releasing bell-like laughter and rumbling groans.
Katsuki loved hearing the teasing lilt in it, along with that flustered stammer that drove him up the wall because of how out of place it was in a seasoned soldier's body.
Just one more day and he would've heard that voice again.
Saying dumb, cheesy shit like-
"..hch...What's up...stranger..?"
His eyes snapped open at the crackle of his walkie, just in time to see Tomura's hand explode in a bloody mess.
The guy screamed.
Then he stopped screaming.
The League of Villains watched, as their leader fell on the ground, a bullet hole right between his eyes.
There was a beat of stunned silence before the two guys holding guns at Eijirou and Shouto dropped dead too, blood spraying in the air.
"Take cover!" Katsuki yelled at his friends as he ducked and rolled behind a nearby car, narrowly avoiding the bullets that whizzed past his ear after everything descended into chaos. The League didn't know where the fuck the shots were coming from so like dumbasses, they started shooting at all directions in the stupid hope that any of their bullets would land a hit.
From his hiding place, Katsuki couldn't tell what was happening except that there was a lot of screaming and cursing, with hurried orders to fall back. But instead of engines revving or tires squealing against the pavement, he heard each shout or scream abruptly silenced, followed by the unmistakable sound of bodies hitting the ground in quick succession.
It didn't take long before the whole area fell completely quiet.
Katsuki's heart thundered in his ears as he finally dared to peek out of his hiding place.
Everyone was dead.
The blond slowly stepped out from behind the car, surveying the massacre with wide eyes. Every single member of the League of Villains was dead as a doornail, the ground heavily stained with their blood and brain matter. He saw several bodies facing away, like they'd been fleeing when the bullets caught them in the head. Some made it to their cars but were shot right through the glass windows. It was a scene straight out of a video game but oddly familiar. He'd seen something like this before but when-
The growling engine of a rapidly approaching black Jeep caught his attention.
Shit!
Kastuki dove to the ground, scrambling for cover. He didn't know who the fuck these new people are, but anyone who could massacre a good twenty people in five minutes was bad news. They needed to fight back, they needed to get Mina and Momo out of there, if Katsuki could just get to a gun with bullets still in it then he could --
"Kacchan!"
The entire world screeched into a halt.
Deku?
See, Katsuki wasn't the type of guy to put stock on abstract concepts like love or fate or karma.
He was a man of science. He put his faith on numbers and formulas, and if something can't be contained within the tangible walls of mathematics then they simply didn't exist.
But some higher power, God, Buddha, or Cthulhu, whatever, seemed determined to flip Katsuki's belief system (or lack of) on its ass. Because no way was this shit just a fucking coincidence or a mere glitch in the fabric of the universe. Like, listen dude, it's not normal to bump into the same person three fucking times in the middle of a goddamn zombie apocalypse. It's not normal to fall head over heels for said person either.
And to be rescued from certain death by that person every single time? The math says it was impossible, he'd have greater odds winning the lottery, and usually Katsuki would be quick to agree.
But here they were. Katsuki on his knees surrounded by the bodies of his would-be murderers, with Deku scrambling out of the black Jeep and running towards him.
"Kacchan!"
This was too much.
"Are you okay?"
Too fucking much.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry for being late."
This was all too fucking much.
The last time he cried was probably all the way back in 8th grade, when his old hag refused to get him the limited-edition All Might Silver Age action figure for his birthday, spouting crap like boys 'his age' shouldn't be playing with dolls anymore.
But it was "Prove Katsuki Wrong" day or something like that, because before he knew it, he was lunging at the gorgeous nerd, the force toppling them onto the bloodstained street. Katsuki straddled Deku and curled over his chest, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes as he cried with relief, joy, fear, adrenaline — endorphins made for the worst cocktail of emotions.
He sobbed his heart out for the first time in decades, because, fuck it—they all nearly kicked the bucket that day.
He stained the nerd's shirt with snot and tears, because—because Deku kept his promise. He came back for them. He came back for him .
“I'm here,” Deku whispered into his hair, strong arms holding Katsuki in a tight, protective embrace. “It’s gonna be okay, Kacchan. I got you. You’re safe. Everyone's safe. We're taking you home."
"When will you stop coming to my rescue, shitty nerd?"
"Never, Kacchan."