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Will never seemed to be hurting.
He laughed. He cracked jokes. He deflected, he avoided, he lied about being okay. And people believed him, because that’s what people had come to expect.
A happy, comforting presence.
He hated being known as the constant ray of sunshine, but there was nothing he could do to change that. He was overly optimistic at times, calm under pressure and unfazed by the world, but… sometimes he was just another kid who’d been wrecked by the wars, and needed just as much comfort and patience as any of them.
Except he couldn’t ask, and couldn’t let on that he was struggling, or maybe he’d be left alone again.
He had no room to break down. Everyone had come to expect such consistent happiness that maybe they’d think differently of him if he wasn’t that. Maybe they’d get tired of his heavy thoughts, or get frustrated at his lack of reasons for feeling so awful, and they’d decide he wasn’t worth their time.
Rationally, Will knew people cared about him. But he couldn’t risk being left.
Nico had noticed that Will seemed to avoid ever letting on that he was struggling. Two months into their relationship and Will had done nothing but smile, flirt, and be the rock he always was to everyone around him.
And Nico loved his constant positivity, he really did, but sometimes it felt a little fake. Like there was something more behind his eyes on days where his smile wasn’t quite as wide. No one was okay all the time, he knew that. But Will didn’t seem to.
So when his boyfriend showed up to breakfast a little later than usual, his expression so forced it hurt, Nico decided now would be a good time to say something.
“Will?” he asked, nudging him with his foot. The other Apollo kids were happily engrossed in their conversations, paying them no mind.
“Mhm?”
His face changed instantly, from exhaustion to his usual cheerfulness. It hurt to see Will pretend so obviously. “Are you okay?”
He asked it quietly, just in case anyone happened to be listening. They didn’t need a whole thing made out of this. Nico was half expecting Will to shake his head and turn back to his food, a silent communication of I don’t wanna talk about it here , but he frowned instead.
“Of course. Why?”
There was an edge to it. Barely noticeable, but it was there. Another crack in the facade. Why wouldn’t he just admit he wasn’t alright?
Nico didn’t know what to do, but he didn’t think there was much choice anyway. He couldn’t confront him here without making a scene. He didn’t want to push too far, in case Will didn’t want his siblings to know.
Or maybe he just doesn’t want you to know.
Will was lying to him and Nico didn’t know why, but he accepted it and turned back to his food.
They were watching a movie, and something was off.
It had been all afternoon, with Will’s smiles dropping too quickly as soon as he thought no one was looking. Nico had asked if he was alright, receiving the same response as always despite the obvious lie.
I’m fine, Neeks, really. Stop worrying so much.
He’d let it drop, because there were other people around and it hadn’t felt like a good time, but now, watching a movie just the two of them in the darkness of Cabin 13, it felt wrong to ignore it any longer.
Will looked exhausted . Like he hadn’t slept in days, and it was taking all he had to keep himself from crumbling. It was clear he’d barely paid attention to the movie anyway, so Nico paused it and sat up.
“Okay, no more pretending. What’s wrong?”
Will looked at him like he’d grown a second head. “What?”
“Don’t lie to me, Will. It’s obvious something’s the matter. You look like shit. Now stop acting like you’re fine and talk to me.”
Will’s expression fell, and he took to staring at his hands. “Nothing’s wrong,” he said quietly. It sounded nothing like him.
Nico sighed, trying not to get frustrated. “You’re allowed to not be alright all the time. No one expects that of you.”
Will just kept staring at his hands. Drawing little circles on the palm, over and over. “I told you, nothing’s wrong,” he repeated. It came out a little broken.
Enough was enough.
“Stop lying to me, gods dammit!” Nico said, louder than he’d actually intended. Will flinched a little, before looking up at Nico with wide, glossy eyes. There was no fear in them, thankfully, but it still broke Nico’s heart.
Will’s breathing had quickened, and Nico was realising maybe he shouldn’t have raised his voice. Maybe he was going about this completely wrong, but how was he supposed to get it right? It’s not like he had ample experience in getting people to talk to him.
Think. What does Will need?
His boyfriend looked broken. The mask had been discarded, and the pieces were crumbling. I need to fix this , Nico thought. Will was a pretty tactile person, right? Maybe he needed some comfort.
Tentatively, because Nico never imitated contact if he could help it, he reached out and put an arm over Will’s shoulder, pulling him towards him. Will tensed under the touch and Nico almost pulled back, but then Will buried himself in his shoulder and moving seemed like a bad idea.
Calloused hands came up to Will’s hair, moving through them in the same way Will always did when he was nervous. He seemed to melt a little under the touch, and Nico took that as encouragement to ask again.
“What’s been going on with you?” he whispered, and Will just shuffled further into Nico, hiding his face. “I won’t pretend I’m very good at this whole… comfort thing, but I want to try. You’re hurting, tesoro . I don’t want you to-”
Quite sobs stopped him in his tracks, because, well… this was new . He’d never seen Will cry. He’d never seen so much as watery eyes, let alone full-out sobs. He wasn’t prepared for this.
Just don’t fuck this up.
He kept moving his hands through Will’s hair, saying nothing as he let his boyfriend cry. He sucked with words anyway, and Will looked like he just needed to get it all out there. How long has it been since he’s allowed himself to cry? Nico wondered. How long has he been pretending to be fine?
The tears stopped eventually, but Nico kept kneading through his hair, the only way he knew how to express how much he cared about Will. It’s okay to feel, he wanted to say. Being vulnerable won’t get you hurt. But the words died in his throat, so he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head and hoped he got the message.
Will moved away from Nico’s shoulder after a bit, and Nico finally got a good look at his face. Blotchy and tear-stained, but his expression was distant. A little cold, even.
“Sorry,” he muttered, rubbing his eyes and pulling away from Nico. Nico let him, but couldn’t shake the feeling there was something he needed to do.
“Don’t be sorry. No one expects you to be okay all the time,” he said, to be greeted only by a brief, bitter smile.
He didn’t seriously…
“Will?”
“Yeah?”
“You know you’re allowed to do that, right? You’re allowed to feel like shit and want someone there to hold you. It took me a while to learn that too, but… don’t deny yourself love because you think you don’t deserve it, or because people might not want to give it. They do. So many people do.”
There were tears leaking from his eyes again and he was trying his best to wipe them away, unsuccessfully keeping Nico from noticing. Nico moved his hand so it was over Will’s, squeezing it a little.
“Let them come.”
It felt good, to finally cry.
To not have to wait til the early hours of the morning to feel the day’s worst moments. He liked the warmth of Nico’s hands in his hair, the safety that came from being in his arms.
But it couldn’t last, and he knew it.
Nico hated overly emotional people. He couldn’t possibly be okay with Will sobbing into his shoulder. There wasn’t even a reason for it, he just felt so… empty. Like he was aching from deep within his soul, craving something no one could give him.
Nico was giving it to him. Nico had him in his arms, and it was the greatest feeling in the world. To be loved . To be wanted , and cared for , like he actually mattered.
It was real. It couldn’t be real.
He moved away from Nico’s touch, and Nico let him go. That’s it , he thought. Time to pretend this never happened, to accept that this was a one-time thing. No one wanted to deal with him like this. Least of all Nico, who had his own shit and valid reasons to feel awful.
But then Nico opened his mouth, and told Will exactly what he didn’t dare hope for. You’re allowed to feel like shit and want someone there to hold you , he’d said. Was that really true?
He’d started crying again, but Nico didn’t mind. He gave him permission to break a little more, and Will found himself right back onto his boyfriend’s chest, fingers scratching softly at his scalp.
It was quiet for a bit, before he spoke.
“I don’t have a reason to feel like this,” Will admitted, quietly, sure that that would finally get the reaction he was expecting. For Nico to move away, question why he’d been crying for no reason. But the fingers stayed firmly in his hair, and he might’ve been imagining it but Nico seemed to hold him just a little tighter.
“You don’t need a reason, tesoro . Feelings don’t really come from logic,” Nico muttered into his hair. It was clear he was unsure of himself, not quite certain if what he was saying was right. “You don’t need to justify feeling shitty.”
Will said nothing. He wouldn’t have known what to say.
“You can come to me, you know,” Nico continued slowly. “No point in pretending you’re fine around me. Besides,” he said, as Will looked up at him, “I quite like holding you like this.”
Will smiled at Nico’s pink ears, a dead giveaway of his embarrassment at being so forward. Gods, he loved this boy.
“Thanks,” Will said, and Nico hummed in response.
The exhaustion was finally catching up to him, officially worn out from all that crying. His eyes felt heavy, and it was taking all he had to keep them open.
“Sleep here tonight.”
It was a boldly said, but still left room for Will to say no.
“Okay,” he agreed. He wasn’t about to miss an opportunity to spend the night in Nico’s arms. They moved under the covers and Nico held his arms out again for Will to crawl into, his chest becoming a makeshift pillow for the third time this night.
He turned the tv off, the movie long forgotten, before pressing a soft kiss to Will’s head.
“Goodnight, tesoro .”