Archive of Our Own

There's a blonde-haired man sitting on a bench near the Han River. It's already dark outside, almost 10 pm and Jeongguk furrows his brows as he stares at him, jumping off his skates silently. He's wearing social clothes, a black blazer, and a white dress shirt, his tie hangs loose on his neck as he watches the reflection of the moon in the water. Something about him makes Jeongguk curious and he takes a step forward, placing his skate under his arm.

The street is empty and the only sounds that he hears come from his breathing and the traffic a few streets back. Jeongguk glances to the sides, licking over his lips before crossing the street. Now, he's closer to him and can notice how broad his shoulders are, his breathing is heavy and his hands are placed on his knees. He blinks softly, looking around again as if someone is going to suddenly appear out of nowhere and answer his questions about that man.

Jeongguk is rather a curious person, he has always been one. He likes a good mystery and that man seems to be one. Ever since he moved from Busan to Seoul, that part of the Han River is empty and dark, and it gives Jeongguk more freedom to skate until it's too late and he has to go home. But today he's not alone, and that man doesn't even seem to notice his presence there.

With a deep breath, he wonders if he should walk towards that man and start a conversation with him or if he should just walk back to his dorm and get ready for his first day in college. Jeongguk doesn't usually come out of his room on Sundays, but he has been feeling anxious over starting college and decided to go and clear his mind a little. And maybe that's why he's so curious about that man, he needs something to focus his mind on and forget about his worries about the next day.

“Have you ever wondered that the past and the future are happening at the same time we're living?”

It makes Jeongguk stop, and he looks around. But there's no one there besides them, so he's sure that it's the blonde man who's talking to him. His voice is deep and raspy, and it sounded so low that it took Jeongguk a little bit of attention to understand what he was trying to say. There’s melancholy in it as if he’s a musician playing in a room without an audience.

“It would be nice to visit our past, but we already know what happened back then,” he continues and Jeongguk gulps, taking another step to his meeting. “But if I could, I'd go to the future and see what is the best decision to make.”

“Wouldn’t that take the fun out of it?” Jeongguk asks out of nowhere, and the man's shoulders get rigid before he turns his neck to look at him.

He's beautiful, it's the first thing that Jeongguk thinks. Under the low light of the lampposts, his dark eyes glow and Jeongguk can barely notice the high number of moles on his face, but he does notice how he has one double lid on one eye, and his nose is high, perfectly fitted in his face. His lips are forming a line, and one of his brows is knitted as he stares deeply into Jeongguk's eyes. He looks like he is slightly older than Jeongguk, probably ten or less.

They're still a few meters away from each other, and Jeongguk thinks he looks stupid, stopped there with his skate under his arm as his voice got cut off by the beautiful man in front of him. But despite his good looks, Jeongguk can’t get a hang of the sad expression on his face, he’s serious, but there’s a hint of regret and sorrow in his eyes.

And Jeongguk is sure that he has never seen him before. He'd remember him. Beyond any doubt, he'd remember that face and those piercing gloomy eyes. The earrings on his ears glow under the moon, but it's not enough to drift Jeongguk's eyes away from his.

“I mean,” Jeongguk stutters, swallowing dry as he takes a step closer to him. “If we know what path our experiences are going to take us, would we try hard? Would we even live? Humans are driven by mystery and by the eagerness of what is going to happen tomorrow, next month, next year. Even those who live today, without thinking about the future. And how is visiting the future going to affect the present us? Would we live up to who we are in the future?”

The man hums, moving his face back to stare at the river. Jeongguk takes a deep breath and walks a bit more, reaching the same bench he's sitting at. He places his skate on the floor and sits there, feeling the cold wooden on his ripped jeans as he uses his skate to support his feet. There, Jeongguk notices the gray ring on his finger and a heavy blue necklace hanging on his neck.

He’s married, Jeongguk thinks, moving his eyes away from him, the shine of the small stone on the necklace almost blinding his irises.

“I don't think that there's a right answer of what would make our life easier,” Jeongguk breathes out, peeking at the same spot the man is focusing at. “Maybe if we changed lives. If we were born again. But visiting the past would just mean that we'd want to fix our mistakes, then we wouldn't learn from them. And visiting the future would make us settle down and not fight as hard as we're supposed to.”

“So,” the man mumbles, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Are you suggesting that we should just face whatever situation that comes in front of us without having an easy escapade?”

“And without having the answers for it,” he smiles. “What would be the thrill of it if we knew all the answers to everything? Applying for college or a job is only fun if you have those two or three weeks that you don't know if you actually got the spot. Falling in love with someone has all the yearning and the questioning if that person loves you back. Getting a dog and trying to name it. Meeting another person and finding out everything about them. All the simplest things make life worth it, don't you think?”

“Even if the future turns out to be disappointing?”

“The future will be our present, someday. And then that day happens, it won’t be the future anymore, it’s just… the boring and same old present,” Jeongguk shrugs. “If today is disappointing, you can sleep and make tomorrow better. Of course, there are buts and buts, and sort of different situations. Pre-established situations and we should doubtlessly work our way to make a better life for everyone, with the same chances, and without any prejudice. But if we’re not in these situations, and it’s just a bad day, we can surely work on that.”

The man is silent for a minute, and he clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth before glancing back at Jeongguk, a smirk on his lips getting his attention, “I guess you're right.”

He doesn't see the man again for two years.

Jeongguk isn't even surprised, but he won't deny that he went skating a few other times in that same place for three months to see if he'd meet him. But eventually, life got him and Jeongguk had to find a part-time job and focus on college, which meant putting skating and part of his free time hobbies aside.

And, even so, he never forgot about those gloomy dark eyes staring at him, and the deep, raspy voice as he spoke. Maybe Jeongguk should’ve at least asked his name back then, and even if it were a common name, he’d be able to at least put a name on a face. But he’s left with nothing except his memories and his old skate that now is left in the corner of his dormitory, almost forgotten and unused for over a year.

It’s when he wakes up almost late for class and doesn’t have a chance to take a shower before heading out of his bedroom and run to the building of today’s class. His hair is all over the place and he’s still wearing his pajamas with a jeans jacket on top of it, but at least he makes it to the classroom with time. He’s panting and almost out of breath when his hands touch the handle of the door and open it.

The room is changed, all places have been changed to form a circle inside the classroom, and the teacher is in the middle, next to a small improvised stage that is covered with a comforter and a gym mat. Jeongguk silently curses himself, he had forgotten that today's class would be different and the teacher had asked them to show up twenty minutes in advance to warm up. He blinks, widening his eyes and facing his professor about to start giving class.

“Glad you decided to join us, Jeongguk-ssi,” Jung Hoseok squints at him, pointing with his nose to the only empty place in the changed classroom. “Go, take your chair. I was just about to start.”

With a sigh of relief, Jeongguk bows at him and tiptoes his way to the back of the blank canvas, sitting on the small chair and placing his backpack on the floor. He’s glad that Mr. Jung isn’t a mean professor and knows that he doesn’t usually get late to class, and lowers his hand to grab his water bottle to cool down.

He cleans his forehead with the back of his hand, greeting one of his classmates with a smile before shifting his eyes back to the professor, “As I was just about to say before Jeon Jeongguk-ssi pleased us with his presence,” it makes the whole class chuckle and Jeongguk’s cheeks turn blushed. “Today we’re having a live model for you to work on.”

“I want all of you to remember about the human anatomy classes and the differences in bodies, I want you to capture every part of what you can see and focus only on it, without trying to complete the drawing with his entire body. If you’re facing his back, focus on the angles of his shoulders and neck, the way his arms are positioned. Use your own style, be it as different as possible,” the professor continues to say as he walks around the room. “The model will be in the middle of the room, that is, each one of you will focus on a part of his body. And without silly jokes, ok? We are all adults here who know how to deal with human nudity. It's just a body. Just the natural beauty of the human body.”

There’s a little buzz amidst the students, agreeing with the teacher, and stretching themselves. It will surely be a long class today, and their backs will suffer. Jeongguk simply takes a deep breath, getting rid of his jacket and placing it on the headboard of the chair. Thankfully, his pajamas are new and pretty, they’re a pair of blue-plaid matching pants and shirt, so it doesn’t look like he very much just moved out of bed.

The professor gives them another ten minutes to get ready, get a few snacks and water as he announces that he’s going to call the model to come and start their painting. Jeongguk bites his lower lip and rushes out of the class to buy chips and a burger from the nearby cafeteria - he hasn’t eaten anything so far, and he’s sure that his stomach will start gurgling loudly in the middle of the class.

He comes back munching on a few chips, and the classroom is still half-empty when he gets on his seat. The professor hasn’t shown up with the model yet, and it gives Jeongguk time to finish the entire package. A few of his classmates are chitchatting, but he focuses on eating and trying to get rid of his sleepiness. He had gone to sleep too late yesterday because of an assignment that needs to be finished within the next day for another class.

It’s when he places the empty package of his chips near his backpack to throw it in the trash once the class is over that the door opens and his professor walks in. Jeongguk straightens his back, using a cloth and his bottle of water to clean his hand and get ready. He moves his neck to both sides and pulls his sleeves up, lifting his eyes to the professor once the class gets quiet.

Jeongguk doesn’t notice him at first, he’s busy fixing his bangs and paying attention to his professor’s words to look at the model beside him. But when he does, the model is undoing the knot in his robe and looking at the students around him with a serious face. Jeongguk's jaw drops when he recognizes the details of that face, he is no longer blond but has his long, fluffy black hair falling over his forehead and there is no expression mark around his eyes, which makes Jeongguk frown. He appears to be younger than he was two years ago.

Their eyes meet, but no reaction comes from the model, even though he starts to smile when the professor mentions his name, “Kim Taehyung. He’s twenty-six years old and will be our model for today.”

The man, Taehyung, gives them a quick bow and shows off his rectangular smile, “Thank you for having me here today.”

Of course, Jeongguk doesn't give it a lot of thought, Taehyung is just there doing his job and probably didn't even pay attention to him there, so he just takes a deep breath and stretches his neck and shoulders. He’ll spend the next hours painting a random part of his body and should focus on that, And he gets his stuff ready below the canvas and pulls his chair to the front as Taehyung jumps on the stage. Jeongguk takes another sip of his water and looks up, the voice of the teacher telling them that they can start as soon as Taehyung takes off his robe and gets in position.

Taehyung's eyes are fixed on his, or at least that's what Jeongguk thinks. Those shiny brown irises flashing in his direction as the robe falls over his shoulders and hits the floor. Jeongguk swallows dry. He didn't think the model would have his sculptural face turned to his. In that way and the bright white light of the classroom, Jeongguk could see all the details of his face, without any makeup and with the curvy strands falling messily on his forehead, parted lips and facing up, leaving his sharp jawline on sight. He catches the moles on his face and shoulders before looking down to his body, from the lines of his high nose to the curve of his thin waist and his pudgy tummy. One of his hands is in front of his sex and both of his legs are folded prettily, the skin splashing softly on the blanket and his knees touching the wooden.

Jeongguk almost loses his breath at Taehyung’s beauty.

Now that he can see him perfectly without the low light of the night getting between them, Jeongguk can be sure that he has never seen anyone who can even get compared to Taehyung’s beauty. And Jeongguk doesn't even notice the moment he picks up his brush and begins to fill the empty canvas with paint. He knows that he will never be able to do justice to Taehyung's beauty, but he can at least try to get as close as possible. His first step is the catlike eyes of Taehyung, who is looking at a spot just behind Jeongguk. Jeongguk focuses on his long, dark lashes, which perfectly match the dark brown tone of his eyes.

Taehyung's face is delicate and strong, with demarcated lines, thick eyebrows and a serious look, fluffy cheeks, and heart-shaped lips at the same time. Jeongguk sees the painting as a challenge to be completed.

Both his arms and hands hurt when the professor finishes the painting session and Taehyung is wearing his robe again. Jeongguk stares at his panting, tilting his head to the side as he hears the professor calling their attention, telling them that they have ten minutes to clean the room and that both he and Taehyung will be back to take a look at their work before they’re dry. Jeongguk just wants to tuck himself inside his bed after taking a couple of painkillers since it’s his day off from the convenience store and he doesn’t have any more classes for the rest of the day.

But Jeongguk also wants to talk to Taehyung, see if he remembers him, and tell him that he’s glad to meet him again at such a random spot. So he’s rather upset when his professor comes back alone and it takes him another forty minutes to go over everyone’s painting.

And he stays back once class ends, pretending to put his stuff inside his backpack as the room gets empty and there’s only him and his professor at his table, glancing at the only student left there. Jeongguk bites his bottom lip, not believing that he’s about to do this, but he breathes out and leaves his backpack hanging on his left shoulder as he walks towards Mr. Jung.

Jeongguk clears his throat, making the professor lift his eyes and fix the glasses on his nose, “May I help you, Jeongguk-ssi?”

“Taehyung, Kim Taehyung,” he stutters, thinking that he probably sounds stupid right now. “The model that was here before. Didn’t he want to come back?”

“Right, right,” Hoseok chuckles, grabbing his books. “Taehyungie. He had something that came up and couldn’t come back to take a look at the paintings, but he promised me that he’d be here next week since he cleared his schedule, he’s excited to see what everyone made up. Did you want his opinion on your piece beforehand?”

Oh. The exhibition of all the pieces they did during the entire semester is next week, and Jeongguk is sure that the painting they did of Taehyung will be part of it. If Jeongguk is not wrong, it is happening on the weekend of the following week, and all art students are participating in it. And Jeongguk remembers that their paintings will be hanging in the University’s gallery for three days, but they’ll only be attending there on Friday.

“No, I—”, he stammers on his words, swallowing down hard as he thinks he could slap himself on the face, but he takes a deep breath and continues again, with his professor furrowing in front of him. “Uhm. Nevermind, Mr. Jung. Thank you.”

And Jeongguk heads out of the classroom, bowing before his teacher answers, but Jeongguk knows that he’s probably laughing at his rushed words and confusing sentences. He takes a deep breath as he walks out of the building and puts on his jacket again.

He's not sure about the reason why, but Jeongguk wants to see him again and maybe ask about what was the reason why Taehyung was so gloomy and wondering about the past and the present two years ago.  Of course, there's a chance that he doesn't even remember about the reason — or even about Jeongguk —, but it doesn't hurt to try.

One week later, Jeongguk is wearing a black sweater and blue jeans, and with a thin layer of dark make-up on his eyes matching with his chunky boots. The presentation of his exhibition makes up for half of his grade that semester and he wants to do well. So, his hands are sweaty and he's drinking more water than he should.

Jeongguk shows up at the gallery early to help put up the paintings and all the other art pieces, since they're sharing the place with photography. They don't make a large number of students and the big gallery has room for everyone. And Mr. Jung is already there with his husband, Kim Namjoon, both of them are wearing suits, without any ties, and Hoseok's husband takes off his blazer at some point. Both of them are helping the students to glue their plates on the doors and wishing them good luck.

As if Jung Hoseok is not the one grading them.

He swallows dry, scanning over the room to see if he can find Taehyung there. Jeongguk hopes that he'll show up before the start of the exhibition at 10 am so that he can talk to him before losing all of his voice answering the questions of whoever comes around. But Jeongguk sighs when he doesn't see him around Mr. Jung.

Of course, Jeongguk is a little bit disappointed, and knows that there's even a chance that Taehyung doesn't show up at his part of the exhibition too soon in the day — they sorted it by the last name, and Jeongguk is right in the middle of the gallery. Half an hour before the start, Jeongguk looks around at the canvas on the walls and touches his waist, smiling at himself. He can see how he got better through the months, and his last piece, Taehyung’s portrait, looks beautiful.

Since he has time, Jeongguk grabs his wallet and walks out of the room to find something to eat and to buy another bottle of water. And it's right there in the hallway that he finds Taehyung. He's on his back, typing on his phone, but Jeongguk would recognize it after watching it for a lot of minutes two years ago, and he sees a stupid smile growing on his lips as he walks towards him.

Jeongguk doesn't even know exactly what to say to him, but he has been waiting for that moment for a long time and won't let that slide. He has checked that Taehyung doesn't have a ring on his finger anymore, maybe he has gotten a divorce or it was just a decoration ring, so it makes Jeongguk even more interested in him.

“Kim Taehyung-ssi?” Jeongguk calls him just a few meters away from him.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, he blinks his eyes slowly as he notices Taehyung lifting his head and turning on his heels to look at him. Taehyung's dark eyes stare at him as he tilts his head to the side, and Jeongguk thinks that his breathing is being taken away from him once he notices the beautiful gray suit he's wearing and how his hair is beautifully styled on his forehead.

Taehyung smiles at him and his eyes glow as he leaves his phone in his pocket, “Hi? You were one of Hoseok hyung’s students, right? I remember you being there.”

“Yes, yes. You were actually with your face turned to me, and...” Jeongguk licks his lips, stopping for a second. “But that's not the reason why I am here.”

“Oh, well,” he knits his brows in confusion. “Then what is it? Do you want to paint me again? I don't have a lot of free time because I'm dealing with my masters and work at the same time, but we can talk about it if you want.”

“No, no, that's not it,” he shakes his head, taking off his hands from his pockets. “I mean, I'd love to paint you again, you're beautiful and, wow, your lines are amazing to work on, but…”

He raises one of his brows, a smirk growing on his lips, “... but?”

“We kind of—,” Jeongguk gulps, glancing away for a second before finishing his sentence. “We kind of met before? At the Han River? Two years ago? You had blonde hair and was wearing an expensive suit and talking about the present and the past?”

“Huh? Me?” Taehyung points at himself, a hint of confusion growing on his face. “Are you sure that you're not mistaking me with someone else?”

“Do you have a twin brother?”

“No?”

“Then no, I'm not. I would never mistake someone like you with someone else,” Jeongguk lets out suddenly, and feels his ears heating up immediately. “I had my skate with me and had a bowl haircut.”

Taehyung chuckles, lowering his eyes for a second before crossing his arms in front of his chest, “Even though I'm flattered by that…”

“Jeongguk,” he completes shortly, and Taehyung nods.

“So, Jeongguk-ssi. Even though I'm flattered by your compliment, I don't think we've ever met before, I used to work in Daegu two years ago and I only came here on my friend’s birthday. I never had blonde hair before, and I don't remember passing by the Han River during my short stay here,” Taehyung explains, his voice is soft and he focuses his eyes on Jeongguk's ones, who are furrowing and confused at that. “Maybe you're really confusing me with someone else.”

Right. Now Jeongguk is embarrassed and wanting to throw himself out of that gallery, he swallows down hard and opens his lips, but nothing comes out.

“Don’t worry about it,” he touches his shoulders, smiling softly at him as he fixes his glasses on his nose. “It happens. And good luck with the exhibition, okay? I'll make sure to stop by your room and take a look at your art pieces.”

And Taehyung simply turns around and walks towards Mr. Jung on the other side of the hall, leaving Jeongguk gaping and bewildered at the fact that it wasn't Taehyung back there.

It just doesn't make any sense, Jeongguk thinks. Sure, it was dark and it was late, but Jeongguk wouldn't mistake him for another person. He looks slightly different than two years ago, younger, black-haired, and less sad than he was, but Jeongguk just can't believe that it wasn't him there.

What are the chances that it wasn't Taehyung? Maybe his eyesight is playing with him, or maybe it's been two long years and his mind is just too foggy and mixing up his memories to believe that it was Taehyung there. And Jeongguk takes a deep breath, shaking his head before turning on his heels to find the cafeteria.

Once he heads back to his shared room with another student with Jeon as her last name, he’s munching on a sandwich and sipping on his soda. And Jeongguk almost doesn’t have the time to finish his snack, he’s still chewing when people start coming. He recognizes a few of them from campus, and others as his old P.A.s.

With that, Jeongguk almost forgets about time and focuses on what he studied and analyzed his pieces. It wasn’t an easy thing to do, and Jeongguk feels like he might lose his voice at any given time, but he tries his best all the time - especially when his professor comes around to check how everything is going.

However, he does not fail to realize that Taehyung did not visit his part of the exhibition at any time, even though promised that he would. Of course, Taehyung has no obligation to him, but even so, Jeongguk is still a little upset. He wants to see Taehyung again, wants to find out more about him, and try to understand whether it was him or not that night on the Han River. Everything tells Jeongguk that it was. And nothing can change his mind.

Jeongguk takes a deep breath, knowing that it will be hard to see him again around the campus. He remembers that Taehyung mentioned a master’s degree, and they usually stay on a different side of the University and have different schedules than the rest of the students. Plus, he doesn’t even know in which department he stays, just that he’s probably friends with his professor.

That's when the exhibition is about to end after his roommate has excused herself to go to the washroom, being sure no one else would show up there, when Jeongguk bends down to drink the last sip of water left from his bottle and rest his voice a little, that he lifts his body and looks at the door, that he sees Taehyung entering the room with his hands in the pockets of his blazer, and almost makes Jeongguk choke on the water.

He’s left with his mouth gaping, licking over his lips and wiping his hands on his sweater as he sees Taehyung walking towards him with a huge smile on his face. His eyes seem to be a bit tired, but he’s glowing. Shining under the white light of the room, Jeongguk smiles back at him, observing him raising one of his brows as he stands just a few centimeters away from him.

“Hi, Jeongguk-ssi,” Taehyung mutters, looking at him through his long lashes. “Would you walk me through your pieces?”

“Yes, yes, of course,” Jeongguk answers with a smile, nodding shortly as he walks with him to the first painting on the wall.

It’s a well-explained and non-rushed explanation about every painting. Not everyone asked for it, but Jeongguk makes sure to be courteous with Taehyung, who follows him throughout his words, looking up at Jeongguk’s face at times, before glancing back at the painted canvas with half a smile.

Taehyung seems to be really interested in what Jeongguk is saying, even if he might not understand a word of it because his major probably isn’t General Arts like Jeongguk’s.  And something about it makes Jeongguk’s heart lose a beat, he doesn’t even know why.

And from the way Taehyung looks at him, he gets distracted from time to time while looking at the paintings, his eyes blinking slowly as he analyzes the colors and makes sense of the drawing in front of him, Jeongguk is sure that he was Taehyung that night near the Han River. There is no way that it wasn’t him, but Jeongguk decides to put that subject aside and just focus on the present.

“The exhibition is closing, for now, right?” Taehyung asks, putting his hands in his pockets again after Jeongguk’s roommate leaves with her bag and bowing at the two of them.

“Yes,” Jeongguk sighs after biting on his bottom lip, picking up his backpack from the floor. He glances at his neck and notices the lack of the blue pendant hanging there, almost touching his clavicles. Taehyung isn’t even wearing any necklaces, but Jeongguk is quick to shake his head and moves his eyes back at him. “It should’ve ended an hour ago. But we had more people coming than we imagined. Why?”

“Would you like to grab some coffee with me?”

Jeongguk stops, raising one of his eyebrows and placing his backpack on his right shoulder, “Right now?”

“Yeah,” Taehyung smiles widely, the rectangular shape of his lips showing up at the action. “You’re an interesting person, Jeonggukie, and I want to know more about you and your paintings and your night meetings with a doppelganger of mine.”

It makes Jeongguk laugh through his nose, following him through the main hallway of the gallery, “Yes. I do wanna grab some coffee with you. Coffee and muffins.”

“Coffee and muffins sound great,” he continues, opening the door for Jeongguk and his heavy backpack. “After you.”

Twelve Years Later

Letting go of his necklace, Taehyung scoffs at himself and stares at the closed door of his house, he takes off his blazer and wonders if his husband is mad at him or if he has any idea of where he has been during the past hours. He closes his eyes tightly and looks down at his necklace before glancing at the low light of the moon.

Would things be different if he hadn’t gone back to the past to meet Jeongguk? Would Jeongguk be interested in him? Would he even look at him more than once after painting his naked body? It saddens Taehyung to not be sure of that. There are no ways to know what might have happened if Taehyung had simply chosen to not travel back in time to see Jeongguk on that spring night and talked to him about a random subject. The subject that Taehyung already knew what would be, after all, it’s Jeongguk’s past and his present, the present that he built.

At first, Taehyung didn’t realize where he was and that it was the right day — the same day that Jeongguk mentioned the first time he talked to him. It was only when he glanced at his watch and read the date, and heard Jeongguk’s voice right beside him after he started a conversation. He knew that it was him, he wouldn’t mistake his favorite voice in the entire world with no one else’s.

Would Jeongguk love him even with their differences? Would they be going through a crisis after all those years of being together?

Sure, Jeongguk endured him talking about laws of physics and mathematical equations on their second date and even after they started dating. But it was a mutual thing, if you ever looked at Taehyung whenever he’s with Jeongguk, you’d find him with both of his elbows resting on a table and staring lovingly at the man he loves. Jeongguk got a second degree in Psychology after finding out his true passion and now he has his clinic, and Taehyung followed his degree in Physics and was part of the team of doctors that figured out how to time travel and are earning millions from it. But it hasn’t been out to the world yet, they’re still figuring out a few parts of it and details, and Jeongguk just likes to believe that his husband got a promotion in his well-paid job at the University they met.

However, Taehyung likes to believe that things happen for a reason and that if he wasn’t that heartbroken to travel to the past, in a time in which Jeongguk still didn’t know who he was and wasn’t mad at him — even if all of those things didn’t happen, they’d still find a way to meet each other and love each other because they’re meant to be.

Taehyung hates to not be able to tell the whole truth to his husband, and he knows that the moment he walks through that door he’ll figure out everything on his own and he’s not sure if that will be worse. And Taehyung wants to cry, remembering that they were thinking about adopting a baby and making up their family after all the years they’re together.

He flinches, noticing the lights being turned on inside his house, and moves his eyes down to his watch. It’s almost 9 pm and Jeongguk must be finishing making dinner, Taehyung is still not at home and it’s another reason for Jeongguk to be mad. Of course, he doesn't take away his husband's reason, if it were Taehyung who was in his place, he would also be upset to be married to someone who barely stays at home with no explanations.

“It’s my job,” Taehyung always repeats every time Jeongguk stays up, waiting for him to get home with a blanket over his shoulders and his big doe eyes blinking tiredly.

It’s not a good excuse anymore, and Taehyung knows it. And it’s not as if he’s doing something wrong or stopped loving Jeongguk — no, he’d never stop loving him. Taehyung believes that he’s the love of his life and that he’ll never be able to love someone as much as he loves Jeongguk, but his job has gotten tougher, demanding more of him and tiring him more than it used to, and that is affecting his relationship.

Taehyung doesn’t blame Jeongguk for being unhappy with their marriage, but that makes Taehyung want to cry because he never wanted that to happen. He never wanted Jeongguk to consider getting a divorce and let Taehyung be free to marry his job instead. And he doesn’t want to have to choose. It’s his job, the one that he dreamed of since he was a little kid, the one that he fought for, and the man he loves.

Why can’t I have both?, Taehyung questions himself as he searches for his house keys inside his pocket. But then, there’s a ringing in his ears, and in a flash, he remembers that they don’t use keys anymore — it’s just a simple password on the right side of the door and it gets unlocked. Messing with the past and being the one time traveling around have its setbacks, but Taehyung takes a deep breath and opens it.

The light is still on when he closes the gate and walks through the small front yard to open the door and find his husband. The curtains are closed, and he can’t see him there, but Taehyung bets that he’s sitting on the couch, fiddling with the remote controller of the TV while he has dinner alone.

It hurts Taehyung. Thinking that Jeongguk is feeling lonely, unloved, undesired, hurts Taehyung and he wants to change that. He doesn’t want Jeongguk to feel miserable because their relationship is broken. And, again, Taehyung doesn’t blame him for that. He doesn’t remember the last time they exchanged a real kiss and not just a peck, and Taehyung won't even begin to mention the last time they had sex.

Their intimacy and life together are probably all ruined. All because of Taehyung’s desires with his job and the lack of attention towards his husband. He should’ve known that one day that would happen. One day Jeongguk would lose his patience and yell at him about everything he’s been feeling since Taehyung started working more. Taehyung gets home late and goes to work early, and Jeongguk just sees him because he’s used to waking up in the middle of the night to drink a sip of water or use the bathroom.

And, honestly, they’re both hurt and sad. Taehyung misses his husband, he misses his touches, misses talking and laughing with him. And he hates that their relationship has fallen into that. The door swings open and Taehyung swallows dry, finding Jeongguk exactly where he thought he’d be. He turns on his heels and closes the door, which slams shut heavily and makes him flinch.

“You’re early today,” Jeongguk’s harsh voice echoes through the living room, and something inside Taehyung’s chest hurts. There’s a bowl of ramen in his hands and he’s slurping it without caring about dirtying his shirt. “Got fired?”

Right, Taehyung wasn’t expecting to be greeted with a kiss or a sweet smile, “No, Jeonggukie. I didn’t get fired.”

Jeongguk hums without opening his mouth, sounding uninterested in his husband and with what he’s watching. Something inside of Taehyung’s head tells him that there was a hint of hope in Jeongguk’s question – he wanted Taehyung to be fired, he wanted Taehyung out of that job and he wanted his husband back. Neither one of them is happy about that situation and, apparently, Jeongguk’s way out of that is by Taehyung getting kicked out of what he dreamed of doing.

“There’s ramen in the microwave,” Jeongguk mumbles, “It’s probably still hot.”

And Taehyung just stops there, staring at his husband watching an old drama and munching on his ramen. Jeongguk never moves his eyes away from the TV to look at him for even the slightest second and that hurts Taehyung more than any other word. A lone tear leaves his eyes and he forgets to wipe it as he holds tightly onto his phone as if it’s all that he has while he walks to the kitchen.

Taehyung asks himself if it’s entirely his fault. They used to be so in love and now Jeongguk won’t even look at him in the eye and the only reason that he has to smile that day is his dog following while he’s sitting on a chair, sighing. He doesn’t think that his whole relationship is lost, but he doesn’t know what to do to fix it. Taehyung cries again with Yeontan in his arms, licking his face as he wags his tail, he misses his husband and he’s just in the living room.

Maybe he just misses his past self and that’s why he’s completely focused on time travel. He misses the time when Jeongguk would simply smile at him because he was happy that Taehyung was around, he misses the time in which his job was a problem between them. He misses the times when they’d eat together at midnight and wake up early, feeling sleepy and young; not that Taehyung or Jeongguk are old, but both of them are tired.

Once he manages to put himself back on his feet, he places Yeontan back on the floor and takes a deep breath, wiping his face with the back of his hand after getting up. The ramen in the microwave is cold and Taehyung doesn’t bother to heat it up; he thinks he deserves the coldness of the food and in Jeongguk’s words. Yeontan stares at him, hoping to have some of Taehyung’s food, and he chuckles at the thought that at least someone in that house still likes him. Even if it’s because of what he’s holding.

Maybe eating that shitty and cold ramen in an empty kitchen will make him feel better. And Taehyung doesn’t think that he’s a bad person for focusing on his job as he fiddles with his food, lacking hunger to put the ramen on his tongue and actually chew it. It’s because of his job and the number of zeros on his salary that they managed to buy a big house and to live well. And Taehyung stops alone, staring at the open cabinets whose doors he forgot to close. He asks himself if they’re actually living well when they’re not happy.

Is the money worth a broken marriage? Buying gifts for him didn't work and nothing was fixed, Jeongguk just kept thinking that Taehyung wanted to buy his happiness and use the money to belittle his lack of presence in his husband's life.

Taehyung wonders for how long Jeongguk will keep up with him in that situation. He doesn’t want to lose his husband, he doesn’t want to lose his Jeongguk. He doesn’t want to wake up one day and find their closet empty because Jeongguk left him behind. But Taehyung just swallows down all of his tears and looks at the ceiling — he’s tired of crying.

After he finishes eating, Taehyung washes his bowl quietly and puts his phone back into his pocket once he notices that the TV is turned off. The living room is now empty and not even Yeontan is sleeping on the couch, there are only Jeongguk's dirty places and a can of beer left on the coffee table, which makes Taehyung sigh and he picks them up.

There's the thing that Jeongguk likes to sleep cuddling something and he probably picked Yeontan up and took him to the bedroom, Taehyung thinks to himself while organizing the living room and washing his husband's dishes. His shoulders are sore and he wants a warm shower and his comfortable bedroom after a long day, but as soon as he sees his shared bedroom door closed, all his hopes fall down the drain.

He's not sure when his life became this mess of walking on eggshells with his own husband, but it's not the first time that Taehyung is left to sleep in the guest room because Jeongguk doesn't want him by his side. This means that Jeongguk is angrier and sadder than Taehyung thought he was. Taehyung never thought relationships were easy, let alone being married. Just being on the obvious wrong side of the situation hurts more because he knows that, in addition to getting himself hurt, he is hurting the man he says he loves.

He misses the time he had just met Jeongguk and everything was easier, he still didn't have a job at the university and was years away from discovering the key to time travel. Taehyung didn’t know that his job would end up ruining his relationship. Life itself isn’t cotton candy, even though he wishes it was.

The loneliness that being in a room other than your husband is painful and silent. Taehyung can hear his own thoughts out loud even without meaning to. He repeats his laptop password three times in his mind as he returns from the small bathroom after taking a hot shower that has not relaxed his shoulders and neck at all. Taehyung wants Jeongguk's hands on his body, doing the massage that is his secret. The only massage that makes Taehyung sleepy and relaxes his whole body tired from a long day at work; Taehyung doesn't remember the last time he felt his husband's warm hands on his body.

Another tear rolls down Taehyung’s cheek at the moment he remembers about the long nights that they spent together back when Jeongguk was still in college. Their random dates at the worst restaurants and how they’d make out at the back of Taehyung’s night at midnight; Jeongguk’s beautiful body lit by the warm moonlight and his hands around the younger’s waist, pulling him closer.

It is almost as if all that happened fifty years ago, when in fact it is not more than ten. They've been together for just over eleven years, so it doesn't make sense for that memory to seem so distant. Only, the more Taehyung thinks, the more he knows that, in the end, it does make sense; the memory is distant because Taehyung and Jeongguk are distant, even if something good had happened the day before, it would seem to have happened a century ago.

Taehyung finds himself staring at the clock and the small calendar on the right side of his laptop’s screen. It’s almost midnight and two days after Taehyung last stepped into his house, and then a light pops upon his head.  He didn’t come back home yesterday, that’s why Jeongguk is so mad. Taehyung wants to take his pillow and cry hugging him, thinking that that pile of cotton and fabric is his husband, but a pillow doesn’t smell like him, and it’s not warm like his Jeonggukie. He wants to ask for forgiveness and say that he will change, but he cannot promise something that he knows he will not keep. Taehyung doesn't know what more of his job will want from him.

For a moment, Taehyung wishes that it wasn’t him to crack the code to time travel. He wishes that he didn’t fight so hard over his job. He wishes that he could change the past without altering reality as he knows, and he wishes that he had just come home yesterday. Somehow, Taehyung knows that Jeongguk waited for him until late at night and probably fell asleep on the living room couch; as much as Jeongguk is angry and upset with his husband, Taehyung knows that he still cares. Jeongguk has too big a heart to not care. And it is still visible in his eyes that he loves Taehyung.

Throwing his feelings to the back of his head, Taehyung opens the file of his notes and takes a deep breath, leaving his laptop on his thighs. He knows he needs to finish his job and succeed in at least something, however much he still believes that his marriage still has salvation.

Note 210, day 79:

1. Time travel causes dizziness and forgetfulness on who’s traveling;

2. There are chances that you won’t come back home on the same day as you travel;

3. Still cannot be sure of where I am going;

4. Hours pass by differently while you’re in the past;

5. Your memories get messed up;

6. My husband still hates me;

Taehyung ends up falling asleep with his laptop over his lap somewhere between his notes. His body still hurts and his mind is still clouded, but the tiredness in his mind of not sleeping for two days straight gets the best of him. And Taehyung dreams about spending a day at an amusement park with Jeongguk. It’s a happy dream, but he gets sad when he wakes up and the left side of the bed is empty because his husband isn’t there with him.

Maybe Taehyung should already be used to the feeling of being alone. Most of the time he is alone in his laboratory, alone at home, and alone on his travels. Perhaps he was born to break codes that would be alone for the rest of his life.

The house is quiet and he can hear his footsteps echoing down the hall. Yeontan does not come running to meet him when he passes in front of the room where Jeongguk slept alone, and there is no trace of his husband's presence there. The bed is made and everything is in place. Taehyung looks at his wristwatch and sees past nine o'clock in the morning, Jeongguk must have already gone to work and took Yeontan with him.

It's probably a punishment, Taehyung thinks to himself as he passes strawberry jam on his toast, his clouded mind taking over the empty house while he pretends not to feel lonely without the warmth of Jeongguk next to him on that cold morning. With a deep breath, Taehyung remembers that he needs to go to the university that day, do his weekly check-up and pass on his notes of the month to his supervisor.

“The research can't go on without you here, Taehyung,” that's what they repeat to him every time he thinks about giving up. That morning was no different.

Taehyung cries in the bathroom when his colleagues say they want him to travel through time again. He is tired and is no longer happy at his job. Not when he is destroying his personal life, which at the moment is non-existent. There is only your existence for that research and because of that research. It is as if there are left only the scientist Kim Taehyung and not the person Kim Taehyung, the husband Kim Taehyung.

And he wants to change that.

Later on that night, Taehyung comes back home wearing the same clothes as the previous day. They’re his work uniform.

Jengguk is sitting in the same place as before, he has another bowl in his hands and the same shitty K-drama is on the TV. Taehyung takes a deep breath as he takes off his shoes, placing them right by the door after sliding his feet in his slippers. Jeongguk doesn’t talk to him, but Taehyung doesn’t know if that hurts more than his harsh words.

He doesn’t even realize that he is holding his phone between his fingers and drops it on the floor. Taehyung curses and Jeongguk turn around and looks at him with his brows furrowed. The bowl is placed on the coffee table in the middle of the living room, and Jeongguk is still staring at him with his dark eyes focused as he turns off the TV and walks around the couch to stand in front of his husband.

Taehyung has crouched down, picking up his phone to check if it’s broken. Luckily, it’s in a perfect state and it only has a little bit of dirt on the screen. He doesn’t know why he’s so happy about a phone that he can easily replace, but he still sighs in relief, putting his phone and car keys on the table by his side.

His blazer is left on top of the headboard of the couch when Yeontan runs to him, barking loudly at one of his owners. He wants his belly scratched, but Taehyung doesn’t feel cheerful enough to love a dog right now, let alone to love himself, and Yeontan easily notices that, his tail stops wagging and he runs back to Jeongguk before jumping on the smaller couch and hiding his face on a cushion.

 Jeongguk crosses his arms in front of his chest, analyzing his dark-blonde hair and the clothes he’s wearing, and then, the necklace shines between his clavicles, and Jeongguk bites the inner side of his cheek.

“It was you,” Jeongguk murmurs, lips barely moving as he looks up to find his eyes. “That night by the Han River. It was you, I wasn’t going crazy. I wasn’t seeing things and neither confusing you with someone else. It was actually you. That… that fucking ring was ours.”

And he breathes out, arms falling on the sides of his body as his mouth gapes, and Jeongguk touches his forehead, closing his eyes and turning his back to Taehyung, “All of this time I thought I was seeing a ghost. Or having a vision of my husband. Or I don’t know. And it was you all of this time.”

“Jeonggukie…” Taehyung starts, but Jeongguk glares at him and he shuts his mouth.

Jeongguk gulps, shaking his head and rubbing on his temples. He sits on the arm of the couch and peeks at Taehyung, who keeps following him with his eyes. Neither one knows what to say, and Taehyung can’t get a hang of what Jeongguk might be thinking. After all of those years, he’d think that he would know how to read Jeongguk’s expression better than he does.

“It’s that what you were working on all this time? Fucking time travel? And you weren’t just spending more time at work because you don’t love me anymore?” Jeongguk points at himself, eyes-wide-open and face turned to look straight into Taehyung’s reactions.

Taehyung nods, pursing his lips and not sure if Jeongguk wants an answer. He looks down at his necklace and holds it with his right hand before glancing back at Jeongguk, finding him shaking his head and brushing his fingers against his forehead.

“God,” Jeongguk sighs, placing his hands on his thighs. “I thought that you were lying to me.”

“I would…” Taehyung swallows dry, taking a step closer to him without even blinking. “I would never do that to you, Jeongguk. I love you more than anything and… I swear I can explain.”

“Then explain to me why my husband didn’t tell me about his project and let me believe that we were falling apart because he didn’t love me anymore?”, his voice is harsh, and Taehyung has a bitter taste on his tongue. “I thought that you didn’t want to see me anymore. But if you hated me that much, why would you go visit twenty-year-old me? And don’t start with that timeline bullshit because I would have fallen in love with you without even seeing you that night.”

Taehyung takes a deep breath, tilting his head to the side in annoyance, “Can you please let me talk?”

“Fine,” Jeongguk gets up, and moves to the upholstery of the couch, leaving one of the seats available and then tapping on it for Taehyung to sit. “Come and talk. We’re gonna fix this today because I walked out of my therapist’s office today craving some closure. And I’m not going to let go of you without being sure that’s actually what I want. I’m not letting go of you if there’s still hope for us.”

It makes Taehyung sink his fingernails on his palm. He thought that Jeongguk was sure that they were hopeless at this point, and he feels himself almost on the verge of crying, saying that he’s not letting go of their relationship. Jeongguk’s eyes are on him, and Taehyung unbuttons two buttons of his shirt and sits with folded legs beside his husband.

“There are certain things that happen that can’t be changed. They’re called ‘fixed points’ on the timeline, and I know that you don’t want to hear this word, but that’s what it is. Most of them are historical events like, for example, the Roman empire, Korean War, colonization, and pandemics,” Taehyung licks over his lips, moving his eyes for his fingers for a second. “Me being there that night is one of those.”

Jeongguk frowns, cocking his head to the side, “Are you saying that you being there by the Han River when I was there, fourteen years ago, was an event that was meant to happen?”

Taehyung nods, “And it was just a day and three hours ago to me. I didn’t know that I was there… I didn’t even remember much about it. But when I heard your voice and recognized how Seoul looked all those years ago, I just knew that it was that. And everything made sense in my head. I had to hold myself back from crying and not make you stay there for a long time or make you find out my name, because it would mess things up. I didn’t remember much from what you told me about this, so I had to keep it short.”

“That’s why you looked so sad,” Jeongguk mumbles under his breath, and Taehyung doesn’t even need to nod again for him to know that the answer is yes. “Why didn't you tell me about your project?”

“No one knows about it yet except for the small team that creates it,” Taehyung explains slowly, fiddling with his fingers. “We are still working on traveling to the future, but I don't think that's a good idea. It can mess things up.”

There’s a minute of silence between them, Jeongguk looks down as he tries to organize his thoughts. It is not very easy to hear that your husband is working on time travel. Of course, Jeongguk has always known that Taehyung is an incredibly intelligent man, he keeps his mouth open in awe and amazement whenever he hears Taehyung talking about everything he studies, but it hasn't been happening for some time.

“Tae,” Jeongguk starts and sighs, swallowing hard for a second before he sees Taehyung raising his head to face him again. “Please pay attention to what I'm going to say, okay?”

“Of course,” Taehyung replies quickly, his voice is calm and he brings his fingertips to his covered knees, almost without even blinking so as not to miss anything that Jeongguk is trying to say.

They're not fighting. For the first time, neither one of them is raising their voice and both of them are trying to listen to each other, Taehyung thinks that they're taking a step forward.

“Do you realize that this is the first time in months we’re seeing each other and not fighting? And usually, all of these discussions last less than thirty minutes because you’re either too tired or you have to go to work.”

Taehyung nods. Jeongguk isn’t lying. Both of them have had enough headaches over that subject.

“And I am not, in any way, asking you to choose between me and your job,” Jeongguk points to himself and then to Taehyung, and his necklace shines brighter. “But we can’t keep going like this, Tae. I didn’t get married to you to never see my husband. And how can I love someone I never see? How can we start a family together? It’s been just me and Yeontan together in this big house. How can I be in a relationship if I’m always feeling alone?”

From the look in Jeongguk's eyes, Taehyung can tell that he is feeling selfish for saying all that to his husband. And Jeongguk shouldn't feel selfish just because he is asking for the bare minimum in a relationship.

“I'm sorry, Jeonggukie,” is all Taehyung can answer with his deep, low voice, but it makes Jeongguk sigh, looking into his eyes. “I'm so sorry.”

“Saying you're sorry isn't going to fix things, Taehyung,” Jeongguk murmurs, narrowing his eyes and moving his eyes away from Taehyung. “Throwing words at the wind never fixes anything.”

The turned-off TV and the noise of Yeontan’s sleepy snores on the smaller couch next to them seem to be less painful than facing Taehyung's tear-streaked face. He hates being the one having to take the first step into their broken relationship and talk harshly with his husband, Jeongguk hates making Taehyung cry.

“I know,” his words are muffled, and he has turned his face to look down at his thighs. “I never wanted to make you feel lonely, Jeonggukie. I never wanted to hurt you or to be the one to make our relationship get to this point.”

“You’re not hurting only me, Taehyung, you’re hurting yourself,” Jeongguk glances at him, catching how he’s using the sleeves of his dress shirt to wipe tears rolling down his cheeks. “You’re overworking yourself. You’re taking your body to the limit. Look at yourself in the mirror. Look at the dark bags under your eyes. You’re not living, Taehyung. You’re not the same bright guy I met twelve years ago, you’re only stuck at the University doing God-knows-what to go back to the past. When was the last time you took a good look at yourself? You’re still the most handsome man I’ve ever met, but you’re tired, Taehyung, you’re tired and you’re going to fall sick if you keep going like this. And you’re thirty-eight, I can’t make your choices for you or tell you what you should or shouldn’t be doing, but if you’re not changing this, it’s not only me that you’re losing.”

Taehyung takes a deep breath, and Yeontan lifts his ears, wagging his tail at the sight of his other dad there with Jeongguk again. That brings out a cheerful smile on Taehyung’s lips, especially when the small dog jumps on his lap and tries to lick his face. Yeontan hasn’t given up on him just yet.

“Are you really the only one that can handle this project?”

“We are a small team,” Taehyung murmurs, stroking Yeontan's soft fur. “And the project hasn't come out to the media yet. It's a delicate thing and they don't want big companies to spoil it, trying to buy it to overprice it. We have people who support the project, but they don't know what it is about.”

“Is that why you've been getting so much money these days?” Taehyung nods, looking up to face his husband once again. His eyes are still red and full of tears, but he has stopped crying. “And is it worth it, Taehyung?”

It is precisely at that moment that Taehyung realizes that Jeongguk is not the only one unhappy in that marriage, but it is not because of his husband that he is suffering. It is because of his own choices and because of the life he is living. He can barely sleep and eat, he is sure he must have lost at least ten kilos in the last year without even realizing it.

His research results are encouraging, they are getting to the point they wanted and they were the first scientists from around the world to discover the secrets to time travel. But what would be the value of that if he were just going to live in the past and not enjoy his present?

“I don’t want to lose you, Jeonggukie,” Taehyung mumbles. It’s not an exact answer to what Jeongguk has asked, but it’s already something. “And I know that it doesn’t make things right or makes up for all the days I left you alone and you felt unloved, but I’m sorry for putting everything else in front of you. I know that it's what I did. I know that I neglected our relationship and that I’ve been a shitty husband. And mostly that you have all the right to not even give me another chance of making things right… But I love you, and I don’t want us to get a divorce. I threw those papers in the trash.”

“Only love doesn't hold a relationship together, Taehyung,” Jeongguk breathes out, and Taehyung grabs one of his cold hands. He’s still wearing their wedding ring.

“I know,” Taehyung cocks his head, biting his lower lip. “But it's because I love you that I wanna fix this. I want to be worthy of your love again. I promise that I can make this right and that I can change things. I just want one more chance if you're willing to give it to me.”

There's a hint of belief in Jeongguk's eyes, and that makes an inkling grow inside of Taehyung. He doesn't doubt him, Jeongguk still sees a future with him. And there's nothing better than acknowledging that after having that conversation with him, instead of traveling to the future and getting all the answers.

Jeongguk doesn't answer him immediately, instead, he folds his legs and sits over his calves, turning his whole body to face Taehyung. His chest is heaving and he doesn't want to be disappointed, he doesn't want to feel alone again, and mostly doesn't want to have to take the biggest step away from Taehyung and sign those divorce papers.

It was a low decision of his, and Jeongguk sighs at the thought of it. He bites his bottom lip and looks at him through his lashes, “I'm sorry too. For yelling at you instead of having a proper conversation. I was mad and hurt, and I shouldn’t have raised my voice. I still am, but yelling doesn't fix anything, and I just miss my husband more than any hurt and sadness. I miss you. I miss your touch and your warmth. Everything is too cold without you here, Taehyung.”

He purses his lips, wrapping one of Taehyung's hands with both of his, “We can fix this, right? It won't be you alone. If you really want to have me and to make all of our plans come true, I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere.”

A couple of tears fall from Taehyung’s eyes as he nods, bringing his palms to cup on Jeongguk’s face. Their noses brush together and Yeontan leaps off from his lap as Jeongguk closes his lids, “Yes, we can.”

It's all Taehyung says before Jeongguk presses their lips together into a warm and wet kiss. There are care, longing, and love in their slow touches, and all that Taehyung can think of is how much he misses Jeongguk, his lips, his touch, his soft voice, and how his fingertips grip on his waist, pulling him closer as both of them open their lips, which makes a few more tears to fall from his eyes as he lowers both of his hands to touch his shoulders.

He loves Jeongguk. He loves him more than he thought he did. It’s something that hits Taehyung and he can barely believe it. He’s in a relationship with Jeongguk for a little more than eleven years, and not even for a second his love for him decreased. Of course, it got a bit messed up, their relationship changed from when they had just started dating, from their engagement years to, finally, their marriage and how they are now. It’s a different type of love, but never less, just more.

And Taehyung can hear Jeongguk sobbing against his lips, which makes him rest his forehead on his, opening his eyes to notice that his whole face is wet and that’s the first time that he sees Jeongguk letting himself feel everything that was bottled up inside of him.

“Guggkie?” Taehyung calls him softly, fondling with his long hair strands as he presses his face against his husband’s chest.

He doesn't get an answer, but Jeongguk grips on his shirt and holds on tightly to it, almost as if he doesn't want to let go of Taehyung — both metaphorically and physically. And Taehyung takes a deep breath, caressing his husband's back as he lets himself cry. He can see Yeontan staring at them with his head tilted to the right side, confused with what is happening, but Taehyung only rests his chin on Jeongguk's chest and closes his eyes.

Even though he hates seeing Jeongguk cry, Taehyung knows that he probably needs it. And it’s not a sad cry, it’s a relief one, and Taehyung is glad that he’s there to hug him until he feels better. Of course, that conversation doesn’t improve their relationship right away, they still have a long path to walk until they fix what was almost broken, but it’s a start.

And they’re both happy about that.