Work Text:
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Sunday, 10:55 am
Tony: what the fuck who changed the chat name
Tony: cows say moo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bucky: no, they say eeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhh or meeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Tony: what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Clint: guys it’s too early for this cmon i’m trying to sleep
Steve: …………...it’s 11 am??
Clint: not everyone has a perfect sleep schedule like YOU steve
Tony: okay mood but clint ur a mess
Clint: thank you
Bucky: clint our sleep schedules should align
Bucky: like wlw couples whose periods align
Natasha: james what do you think wlw couples are like
Bucky: am i wrong tho
Natasha: no
Clint: ok but we’re not a couple
Bucky: ok but we’re a brouple
Tony: wtf is a brouple
Bucky: a bro couple obviously
Bucky: besides i can’t date clint anyway bc i’m saving myself for sam
Sam: ur what
Bucky: what
Tony: wait guys i wanna try something sound off when it applies to you
Tony: every friend group has:
Tony: a bimbo
Steve: here
Thor: here
Tony: a mean bisexual
Bucky: here
Pepper: here
Wanda: here
Tony: here
Tony: an even meaner lesbian
Natasha: here
Tony: she/theys
Wanda: here
Loki: here
Tony: he/theys
Vis: here
Loki: here
Tony: a token straight that’s on thin ice
Tony: no one? really?
Tony: wow
Tony: an astrology bitch who has everyone’s birth chart memorized
Loki: cough thor that’s you
Thor: >:(
Tony: and a short king
Bucky: that’s you bitch
Tony: fuck you
Tony: okay who didn’t sound off
Sam: me
Bruce: me
Rhodey: me
Clint: me
Tony: sam ur a bimbo, rhodey and clint ur mean bisexuals, bruce ur a short king,
Bruce: i’m taller than you tho
Tony: yeah but ur shorter than thor
Steve: tony
Tony: what’s up
Steve: everyone is shorter than thor
Tony: :/
Clint: hey btw what’s loki doing in here anyway??
Thor: he’s trying to be nicer, aren’t you loki?
Loki: yeah yeah whatever
Thor: well. i said “try”
family <3
Sunday, 12:34 pm
Erik: I am going to lunch with Charles. Would you two prefer to make yourselves lunch or have me bring something back for you and have a late lunch?
Pietro: everytime i see the gc name i die inside
Pietro: it’s so cringe
Erik: There’s a heart because I love you.
Pietro: :/
Wanda: would you please bring something back for us?
Wanda: shut up pietro
Pietro: no u
Erik: Yes, what would you like?
Wanda: anything with fries please. vis said he’d like a veggie burger.
Erik: Vis is at home with you?
Wanda: is that okay?
Erik: Yes, Vis is responsible and he is a good partner for you.
Wanda: aw, thanks dad
Pietro: vis is a boring vegetarian
Wanda: tro i am this close to sharpying your most expensive running shoes
Pietro: you wouldn’t dare
Wanda: i’m uncapping the marker right now
Erik: Wanda, don’t destroy Pietro’s shoes. Pietro, don’t insult Wanda’s partner. Pietro, what would you like for lunch?
Pietro: dino nuggets
Erik: I will get you regular chicken nuggets.
Pietro: :/
Erik: I will be home around 1:30 or 2:00. There are snacks in the pantry if you get hungry. Love you.
Wanda: thanks, dad!! <3
Pietro: thanks. if charles isn’t our stepdad by next year, i’m running away
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Sunday, 12:40 pm
Sam: bucky just showed me pictures from middle school and i was not prepared
Tony: tell me right now
Sam: i’ll go from least surprising to most surprising
Sam: bucky had a fuck ton of pimples
Bucky: hey :(
Clint: it’s okay babe your skin is glowing now
Bucky: thanks babe ily
Sam: bucky was emo
Bucky: sam if you dont stfu right now i will replaces ur legos with megablocks
Sam: ha bitch i gave you all my legos two months ago
Bucky: oh yeah
Sam: steve had a gf
Steve: i miss peggy :( we broke up bc we were like 12 but she’s one of my best friends. we don’t really talk anymore tho :(
Bucky: rip
Sam: now for the real shocker
Sam: STEVE USED TO BE A SKINNY ASS STRING BEAN. A STICK. LITERALLY JUST SKIN AND BONES
Tony: so he didn’t come out of the womb buff af???????
Clint: my whole life is a lie
Natasha: you guys didn’t know this??
Tony: you knew?????????????????????
Natasha: i know everything about everyone
Clint: it’s true she does
Tony: ………………...okay anyway…………………………
1:48 pm
Wanda: hey motherfuckers guess who got mac n cheese and a blizzard!
Bucky: what if ur lactose intolerant
Bruce: isn’t it an iceberg?
Clint: i thought it was a concrete
Steve: i think those are just fancy names for sundae
Wanda: this bitch!!!
Vis: i got a veggie burger and a sundae too :)
Steve: where did you guys go?
Wanda: my dad was on a date and he brought food back for us
Vis: wanda’s dad is very nice. i feel so welcomed into their family
Wanda: he thinks of you like the son he never had
Clint: what about pietro?
Wanda: pietro is a bitch ass hoe
Clint: understandable
Bucky: you guys are so sickeningly adorable and it makes me want to puke
Wanda: awww thanks :)
Bucky: ew
Clint: but babe aren’t we adorable? :(
Bucky: no we’re sexy and hot
Clint: no, YOU’RE sexy and hot
Bucky: doll you’re just looking in the mirror ;)
Clint: i don’t think i can come up with something better than that
Sam: you two are disgusting
Bucky: that’s homophobic :/
Sam: [image sent] [ID: “guess i’ll die” meme with “die” blacked out and replaced with “homophobe”]
grucci gang
Sunday, 4:20 pm
Loki: 420 blaze it
Thor: loki you don’t even do weed
Loki: why do you bully me :(
Thor: no!!!!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Loki: ur so mean :(
Thor: :(
Brun: loki stop messing with thor
Loki: you ruin all the fun
Brun: oh no i care so much
Bruce: hey why am i in this groupchat
Thor: because you’re a good friend and we all survived a group project together :)
Loki: i wasn’t in ur project??????? and it was last year????????????
Thor: yeah but you need to make more friends
Loki: excuse me
Thor: :)
Loki: hey banner i know the real reason ur here
Thor: loki pls
Loki: :)
Thor: loki
Loki: ugh fine it’s more fun to watch you be an idiot anyway
Brun: bruce, korg, do you want to go to the library with me tomorrow after school?
Bruce: sure!!
Korg: fuck yeah mate
Siblings Siblings
Sunday, 4:22 pm
Thor: loki stop exposing me to my crush :(
Loki: it’s fun
Thor: :(
Hela: i hate being the oldest
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Sunday, 4:23 pm
Tony: i can’t believe i missed 4:20
Loki: i didn’t ;)
Tony: i hate you
Rhodey: tony don’t you have homework
Tony: lol no
Rhodey: yeah you told me that you would do it on sunday
Tony: h
Tony: existence is a prison
Rhodey: lmao he won’t be back for a while
Pepper: we’re no strangers to love
Rhodey: NO
Natasha: i got you babe
Natasha: YOU KNOW THE RULES AND SO DO I
Pepper: A FULL COMMITMENT’S WHAT I’M THINKIN OF
Natasha: YOU WOULDNT GET THIS FROM ANYYY OTHER GUY
Pepper: I JUST WANNA TELL YOU HOW I’M FEELING
Natasha: GOTTA MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND
Bucky: NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
Pepper: NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN
Natasha: NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU
Pepper: NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY
Natasha: NEVER GONNA SAYYYYY GOODBYE
Pepper: NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOUUUUU
Rhodey: i wish i didnt have eyes so i didnt have to see this
Pepper: oh please james, if it was just a chat of me, you, and tony, you would have sang along too
Rhodey: this is homophobic
Pepper: [image sent] [ID: the same meme Sam sent “guess i’ll homophobe”]
Clint > Natasha
Monday, 2:03 am
Clint: hey
Natasha: what’s up?
Clint: i dont feel good
Natasha: is it getting bad again or are you sick?
Clint: bad
Natasha: okay i’m coming over
Clint: no it’s okay, i just feel so awful
Natasha: have you talked to your dad about getting therapy or meds?
Clint: as if he would listen to me :/
Clint: i feel so numb and i really want to cry but my eyes are staying dry
Natasha: if you have the energy to come to school tomorrow (today??) i think you should see the school psychologist
Clint: yeah ur right
Clint: thanks for letting me vent
Natasha: hey
Natasha: i love you
Clint: love you too
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Monday, 6:32 am
Tony: i hate waking up early
Bucky: ikr like give me 5 more minutes
Tony: or 5 more hours
Steve: it’s not that bad!!
Tony: actually fuck you
Steve: i dedicate my entire life to our lord and saviour jesus christ and THIS IS THE THANKS I GET???????????????????????
Bucky: dramatic hoe
9:58 am
Steve: you guys know that kid scott summers?
Sam: the one who always wears the red sunglasses?
Bucky: yeah what’s up with that
Wanda: he has an eye condition
Bucky: how do you know that
Wanda: he’s my friend?????????????????
Bruce: you’re friends with scott summers?
Wanda: yeah he’s really nice but he kind of has that face that you just wanna punch
Sam: bucky has that face :)
Bucky: :(
Wanda: anyway what’s up steve?
Steve: i have to do a project with him but i dont really know him so i was just wondering if u guys did?
Wanda: yeah!! don’t worry, with the two of you combined, you’ll definitely ace the project
Steve: awww thanks wanda :)
Tony: wait steve i thought you hated summers
Steve: why would i hate him????? i dont even know him
Tony: hm weird
Steve: wanda said he’s nice and i trust her judgement lmao
early tumblr emo aesthetic
Monday, 11:03 am
Wanda: does anyone want to go to the shoe store with me after school? i really want those platform boots i saw a while ago
Pietro: i guess. i could always use some more running shoes
Vis: i will go as well. i’ve been meaning to buy bunny slippers.
Pietro: ur an actual dad
Vis: ...thank you?
Wanda: what about you clint?
Clint: nah sorry i’m not feeling the pog today
Pietro: but dude you are the only thing keeping me from being a third wheel
Wanda: you can bring someone if you want tro
Pietro: so it’s a double date to a shoe store.
Wanda: we live exciting lives
Vis: everyday is an adventure
Pietro > Loki
Monday, 11:05 am
Pietro: hey bitch wanna go to the shoe store with me and wanda and their boy toy
Loki: who would i be if i said no
Loki: i’ve had my eyes on those platform boots so this is an opportunity
Pietro: wow you and wanda are going to kill each other
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Monday, 2:38 pm
Thor: thou hast not drinketh soup from thy hand of thy dearest himbo, thou hast not lived. deadeth asseth
Tony: hey thor what the fuck does this mean
Bruce: i have no clue if the old english is right or not but:
Bruce: “if you haven’t drank soup from a himbo’s hand, then you haven’t lived. deadass.”
Bruce: -thor, 20XX
Tony: i can read the words now but i have no idea what the fuck they say
Bruce: sorry thor is laughing really hard right now and he’ss sfjksjfkhjkf f s fsawefd f cvfds
Tony: what the fuck
Natasha: stop texting in class
Natasha: okay i’m a little scared right now because i usually know everything but i have no idea what the fuck thor sent
Steve: he’s right tho
Tony: huh
Natasha: what
Steve: yeah you haven’t lived unless you drank soup from a himbo’s hand deadass
Natasha: explain
Steve: it’s how you become a himbo. kind of like how vampires become vampires, instead of blood you drink soup.
Tony: thanks that makes so much sense
Natasha: yes i understand everything now
Natasha: (i understand nothing)
Tony: (same)
3:17 pm
Rhodey: Vis why do babies smell so fresh
Vis: because they’re very fresh
Bucky: cuz they have been marinated so i may eat them
Steve: can we eat them
Tony: this sounds suspiciously like comments i saw on a hank green tiktok
Rhodey: haha what no who’s hank green
Vis: i have never heard of hank green
Bucky: do you mean john green?
Steve: do you mean frankie jonas?
Tony: i pray every day for lizzo to strike me dead
Bucky: lizzo loves u too much to kill u
Tony: shit ur right
Brunn created a groupchat
Brunn added Bruce and Korg
Brunn named groupchat Bruce’s Giant Crush
Monday, 3:18 pm
Brunn: since we’re supposed to be quiet at the library i created this gc to talk about something very important
Bruce: oh my god
Brunn: bruce when are you going to do something about your giant fucking crush on mr himbo
Korg: i think you should just be honest and tell him
Korg: if he doesn’t reciprocate then you’ll just keep being friends
Brunn: i was thinking something along the lines of scheming but yeah no that’s way better. plus, all three of us know that thor feels the same way
Bruce: what the fuck whst the fuck what the fuck what the fuck
Bruce: literally what the fuck
Bruce: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my god
Korg: oh no we broke him
Siblings Siblings
Monday, 3:32 pm
Thor: i just like him so much and what if he doesn’t like me back?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????what do i do???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Loki: okay well for one thing i’m very glad i always keep my phone on silent because i’m at the shoe store rn
Hela: oh if you get me a pair of those platform boots i’ll pay you back
Loki: no
Hela: pronouns?
Loki: sher/her
Hela: you are the worst little sister ever
Loki: :/
Thor: guys pls i’m having a dilemmaaaadfkhshifjodisf
Loki: yeah okay? i’m trying to find the coolest pair of platform boots before wanda and if i lose then i’m stuck with the less cool pair
Hela: yeah and i’m busy doing important college things
Loki: then why is your bitmoji at starbucks
Hela: mind your own business you parasite
Thor: i feel so unappreciated in this family
Loki: at least father actually loves you
Hela: at least you’re father’s favorite
Thor: okay touche but pls give me relationship advice im desperate and sad :(
Thor: also if you think father does anything more than tolerate me ur on crack
Hela: ugh whatever idk just tell him??
Loki: as nauseating as it is to type this, i agree with hela
Thor: i’ll never forgive either of you if this doesn’t work
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Monday, 5:01 pm
Wanda: it is my pleasure to announce that i am now the proud owner of cool as fuck platform boots
Loki: i have less cool ones :/
Vis: i have bunny slippers :)
Wanda added Pietro
Pietro: bro why am i here bro come on bro
Wanda: tell everyone what you got
Pietro: i got epic poggers running shoes
Natasha: i don’t think you used poggers right
Wanda: what else did you get pietro?
Pietro: fuck you
Wanda: :)
Pietro: fine
Pietro: i got those ballerina sketchers with the twirly things that let you spin
Tony: didn’t like every grade school ban those?
Pietro: i bought them for the crime
Tony: understandable, carry on
10:48 pm
Tony: yall let’s do another roll call, sound off if it applies
Tony: goodnight to:
Tony: people with daddy issues
Tony: here
Thor: here
Loki: here
Clint: here
Bruce: here
Pietro: tempted to say here
Tony: those who project onto fictional characters an unhealthy amount
Steve: here
Bruce: here
Tony: sexy bitches
Tony: here duh
Natasha: here
Pietro: here
Pepper: here
Loki: here
Steve: here
Clint: here
Thor: here
Bruce: here
Bucky: here
Sam: here
Wanda: here
Vis: here
Rhodey: here
Tony: here
Rhodey: you already said here
Tony: yeah but i’m a sexy bitch
Tony: anyone who has under $20 in their bank account
Bucky: here
Steve: here
Natasha: here
Clint: here
Tony: unemployed bastards
Sam: do any of us have jobs :/
Pepper: we should seriously get some
Steve: yeah man i’m sick of being poor
Tony: people who miss going to the library
Bruce: i would but i went today so
Wanda: here
Thor: here
Tony: anyone who read warrior cats books in their youth
Wanda: here
Steve: here
Tony: why am i not surprised
Steve: hey :/
Tony: people who identified with jack from the magic tree house series as a kid
Bucky: who
Sam: who
Tony: smh where’s ur childhood
Tony: el gee bee tees
Tony: here
Steve: here
Natasha: here
Clint: here
Thor: here
Bruce: here
Bucky: here
Sam: here
Loki: here
Wanda: here
Pepper: here
Vis: here
Rhodey: here
Pietro: here
Tony: girls with no ass
Pepper: ….here
Loki: fuck you i have an ass
Tony: anyone who had an obsession with orlando bloom as a preteen
Sam: can we all just agree that everyone did
Natasha: yeah
Rhodey: yeah
Pietro: yeah
Tony: lipgloss wearers
Wanda: here
Loki: here
Pepper: here
Vis: occasionally
Tony: and people that desperately want to get railed
Clint: woah there buddy let’s keep this pg-13
Tony: i got it off tumblr so blame them :(
Pepper: as if you’re not part of that “them”
Tony: there’s no shame in having a tumblr account
Natasha: yeah babe it sounds like you’re in denial
Pepper: :(
Natasha: i’m sorry ily <3
Pepper: :)
Bucky: disGUSTAN
Clint: that feeling when you take your shirt off and your hearing aids fall out and you CANT FIND THEM so now you’re Deaf Naked and Afraid
Siblings Siblings
Tuesday, 12:00 am
Thor: i can’t do it
Clint > Natasha
Tuesday, 12:03 am
Clint: today was a really shitty day but i’m feeling better now?? i have for like an hour??
Natasha: i’m proud of you clint <3
Clint: back to our regularly scheduled mild depression! *finger guns*
Natasha: did you talk to the school psychologist?
Clint: ……………….no
Natasha: :l
Clint: :l
Siblings Siblings
Tuesday, 12:05 am
Hela: dammit, thor
Loki: dammit, thor
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Tuesday, 12:29 pm
Bucky: wow so we all skipped tuesday morning huh
Clint: babe
Bucky: lover
Clint: sweetie
Bucky: darling
Clint: my love
Bucky: doll
Clint: honey bun
Bucky: sweaty
Clint: pocket lint
Bucky: my one true love <3
Clint: my heart <3
Vis: and you call me and wanda gross :/
Wanda: yeah what the fuck
Clint: excuse me we’re in love
Bruce: excuse me some of us are single over here
Loki: not for long
Thor: loki i stg if you dont SHUT
Pepper: if you’re single say your favorite food
Rhodey: lasagna
Loki: was gonna say ass but yeah lasagna would be so good rn
Sam: gogurt
Bucky: ok same but why
Sam: it’s like ur sucking the juices out of a mushroom
Bucky: thanks i dont understand
Bruce: sandwich
Clint: the last french fry at the bottom of the back
Pietro: ass
Loki: you stole my thing :(
Thor: the tears of my enemies
Bruce: but you dont have any?
Loki: excuse me i’m right here
Pepper: if you’re in a relationship say your partner’s name
Pepper: natasha <3
Natasha: pepper <3
Wanda: vis <3
Vis: wanda <3
Clint: buckeroo <3
Bucky: clintorus <3
Sam: you’re not dating tho??
Clint: excuse me we’re a brouple
Bucky: a bromance, if you will
Sam > Steve
Tuesday, 12:35 pm
Sam: i hate bucky
Sam: he’s so annoying and stupid and he makes me feel weird when he looks at me like That and during 3rd period he touched my hand for too long when he gave my pencil back and that made me re ally nervous and gave me butterflies in my stomach and his hair is dumb
Steve: wait for it
12:41 pm
Sam: oh my god i like him
Steve: there it is
family <3
Tuesday, 1:16 pm
Erik: Just wanted to let you two know that Charles is coming over for dinner tonight.
Wanda: marry him already
Pietro: wow dad that’s kinda gay :/ you got a crush on him or something?
Erik: You’re both grounded.
Pietro: even if you were serious, remember the last night you tried to ground us?
Wanda: yeah, we escaped through the windows and ran to dairy queen
Pietro: and as 11 y/o’s that’s gotta count for something
Erik: I am choosing to ignore you both.
Erik: Wanda, if you would like to bring Vis for dinner, you may. Pietro, if there is a certain someone you would like to bring, you may.
Pietro: gross
Wanda: thanks, dad!
Pietro: btw are you and charles official yet?? i need to know when to start making my kickass wedding powerpoint
Wanda: we both know you’re going to make it on google slides
Pietro: anyway,
Erik: If you would truly like to know, Charles and I have discussed romance but we are not together yet. We dated a bit in college until we lost touch.
Pietro: eww i dont want to know about my dads love life
Erik: You asked.
Wanda: yeah pietro :/ don’t ask if you don’t want an answer
Pietro: :/
Erik: I have to go back to work now. Love you both.
Wanda: love you dad :)
Pietro: love you dad >:(
Wanda: turn that frown upside down
Pietro: ):<
Wanda: that’s my bad
Bruce > Thor
Tuesday, 3:51 pm
Thor: hi
Bruce: hi
Thor: so,,,, there’s something i wanted to talk to you about
Bruce: me too
Thor: you can go first
Bruce: no, please, you go first
Thor: that’s okay, you can go
Bruce: neither of us will go if we keep doing this
Thor: yeah, you’re right
Bruce: well,, since you brought it up,,?
Thor: yes okay
Thor: hooooooooooooooo boy
Thor: can i have a minute
Bruce: sure!!
Siblings Siblings
Tuesday, 3:54 pm
Thor: OH MY GOD OKAY HERE WE GO
Loki: FUCK YEAH
Loki: AND IF YOU CRASH AND BURN I CAN MAKE FUN OF YOU
Thor: NOT HELPING :(
Loki: it’s my job as the little sibling
Hela: i guess it’s my job as the oldest to reassure you and make sure you’re okay but tbh idc
Thor: :’(
Hela: ugh fine whatever you’re my little brother and i love you but i also hate you
Thor: why am i the only hunk in between two emos
Hela: excuse me i’m punk goth
Loki: excuse me i’m gay goth
Hela: you stole my style
Thor: you’re both awful
Bruce > Thor
Tuesday, 3:56
Thor: okay i’m here and i’m ready now!
Thor: can i just be 100% honest right now?
Bruce: a little freaked out now but sure dude
Thor: okay okay okay so usually i’m not nervous about stuff like this at all. i would have told you at school but i probably would have thrown up and that would be so embarassing anyway i think you’re so sweet and so smart and so beautiful and i really, really like you
4:02
Thor: bruce?
Thor: you there?
Thor: oh my god i fucked up
Bruce: no!! i just,, i had to process what you sent
Bruce: that’s actually what i was going to tell you
Bruce: i really, really like you too
Thor: do you want to talk about this more in person tomorrow?
Bruce: i’d like that :)
Thor: <3
Bruce: <3
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Tuesday, 6:45
Tony: well mr spock, i don’t think we’re in kansas anymore
Steve: nerd
Tony: superman stan
Steve: batman kinnie
Tony: bitch how
Steve: you adopt every middle schooler you see
Tony: no i dont
Tony: speaking of that, i met this kick ass eighth grader today
Steve: :/
Tony: yes i am aware that i’m proving your point but i dont care
Tony: his name is peter and he is fucking awesome
Tony: he’s kinda like that other kid, harley, i met before??
Bucky: can we meet him
Tony: no, you’d infect him with ur bullshit
Bucky: oh well
Bucky: clint when are we having kids
Clint: when you buy me a damn wedding ring
Bucky: babe i’m sorry, you know i got a pay cut and workers are being laid off
Clint: so how do you expect we provide for our children!?
Bucky: shit
Bucky: you’re right, i’m sorry babe
Clint: it’s okay darling, i love you
Bucky: want to get a dog instead?
Clint: how about we get a goldfish and a ringpop? then we both get what we want
Bucky: good plan, dollface
Clint: i love you bitch
Bucky: i aint ever gonna stop loving you bitch
Tony: anyway
9:13 pm
Bucky: you ever just wanna risk ur life for ur friend and devote years of ur life to them and then they leave you to go back in time to grow old with their lover who they already moved on from :/
Steve: are you okay
Bucky: i was dropped as a child
Pietro: im so fucking LIVID i am filled with RAGE
Sam: why
Wanda: our dad’s date came over for dinner and tro is mad bc he hasn’t left yet lmao
Pietro: wanda’s toaster is still here too!!!!!!!!!!
Vis: hey :/
Wanda: be nice to vis or i’ll draw dicks on your shoes!
Pietro: I WANT TO BE FREE FROM THE USELESS AWKWARD POLITENESS OF SOCIAL INTERACTION
Loki: bold of you to assume that pietro wouldn’t draw dicks on his shoes anyway
Vis: mr. xavier is like a stepfather-in-law to me
Wanda: they’re not dating dating yet but they are kind of dating?? anyway 5 bucks says they’re married before next year is over
Pietro: 20 bucks for before the end of this year
Sam: ur gonna lose $20 lmao
Wanda: actually he’s right. my bet was on the safe side. getting married to charles before the year is over sounds like something he would do
Vis: would your dad mind if i wore my bunny slippers to the wedding?
Wanda: i think he would actually love it if you did
Vis: nice
Bucky: hey pietro ur dad’s date might stay the whole night ;)
Pietro: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU EW
Bucky: i love making pietro uncomfortable
Bucky: hey sam what if we kissed as a joke
Sam: as a joke?
Bucky: yes
Sam: i’m sure that would be a great joke :)
Clint: babycakes are you cheating on me????
Bucky: sweetheart i would never!
Clint: sounds fake but ok
Bucky: my darling :(
Clint > Bucky
Tuesday 9:21 pm
Bucky: i need to ask you a question that could make things really awkward between us
Clint: go for it
Bucky: do you actually have feelings for me or are you playing along with the joke?
Clint: i’m just playing along with the joke
Clint: why? do you?
Clint: oof, sorry dude
Bucky: oh god no, i’m actually relieved
Clint: :/
Bucky: not that i wouldn’t date you in a heartbeat, but i sort of like someone else??
Clint: spill the tea, sis?
Bucky: gfkjdfjskldfjkls no omg
Clint: [image sent] [ID: “all right, then. keep your secrets.” frodo meme]
Bucky: i’m stealing that btw
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Wednesday, 3:21 am
Pietro: update: charles is still here
Loki: why are you awake at 3 am?
Pietro: why are YOU awake at 3 am??
Loki: toosheigh
Sam: what
Loki: touche
Sam: i always thought it was pronounced like douche
Pietro: i thought it was tow-ch
Loki: what the fuck
10:42 am
Steve: update: scott summers is really nice and all in all a good guy but wanda is right. he has the kind of face that you just want to punch
Bruce: how is the project going?
Steve: good! we’re almost done, actually. and it’s due on friday, so that’s pretty cool
Pietro: you stole my update thing :/
Pietro: update: charles left in the morning but he stayed the night
Rhodey: what did ur dad and charles do
Pietro: i think they just talked for hours and then went to sleep??
Clint: gay
Pietro: ikr smh
Pietro: can’t believe my dad is gay :/
Bucky: what if it’s genetic uwu
Pietro: oh no
Steve: JAMES BUCCANAN BARNES PUT THAT UWU AWAY RIGHT NOW
Bucky: i did it yall. i got steve to say uwu.
Steve: *sadly jingles my clown bells* *puts on my clown makeup* *puts on my clown shoes* *gets into my clown car* *drives to a clown bar to drink my clown shame*
Tony: disgustan
Natasha: i brought iced coffee to school so i could know what it feels like to be one of those bitches but the ice melted and now it’s all watery
Tony: hey :(
Tony: i’m one of those bitches
Natasha: how do you keep the ice from melting?
Tony: sheer willpower
Thor: you’re so cute all the time but hot damn that outfit today
Loki: hey thor
Thor: yeah
Loki: what chat are you in rn?
Thor: wdym
Thor: wait why are you here this is just me and beef
Thor: WAIT
Thor: FUCK
Thor: OH NO OH FUCK OH GOD
Pepper: who did you think you were sending that too??
Rhodey: yall we’re missing something important here
Tony: he’s right
Rhodey: THOR IS
Tony: DATING OR
Rhodey: FLIRTING WITH
Tony: SOMEONE!!!
Vis: did you coordinate that or are you two telepathically linked?
Tony: we’re telepathically linked
Rhodey: we rehearsed it when mr himbo first sent the message
Tony: dude :(
Rhodey: :/
Bruce: ...beef?
Thor: you know,, like bf,,,,,
Clint: oh my god
11:04 am
Vis: three people have asked me today if i’m naturally blond?? obviously i am???
Bucky: at least you don’t have ppl ask you everyday about your prosthetic arm :/
Vis: yeah okay you win
Tony: ok but who is thor dating
Sam: as much as i love gossip, why do you care??
Tony: i have nothing better to do with my life
Sam: mood
Bruce: me
Vis: what?
Bruce: thor and i are dating
Natasha: WHAT
Tony: AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME????????
Vis: ohh that explains why i saw you two holding hands in class
Clint: WHAT
Sam: OH MY GOD
Wanda: i’m so happy for you guys!!
Bruce: it just happened today!!!!!!!! vultures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Steve: congrats guys!
Thor: many thanks :)
Sam > Bucky
Wednesday, 12:59 pm
Sam: if you were an animal you would be a parakeet because they have bastard vibes
Bucky: thank you =^)
Sam: what the fuck is that
Sam: dude?
Read✓
early tumblr emo aesthetic
Wednesday, 1:34 pm
Clint: can i please be added to your family groupchat because your dad is wild and i’d love to meet his husband
Pietro: they’re not married yet sadly and no you can’t
Clint: why not :(
Pietro: vis isnt even in it
Wanda: i just got an amazing idea
Vis: !!!!!
Pietro: NO
Clint: pleeaaasseeee
Clint: i spend 5% of my time at my house, 55% at natasha’s house, and 40% at your house
Clint: mr lehnsherr loves me
Pietro: at least vis is an in law :/ ur not even marrying in
Clint: hey tro
Pietro: no
Pietro: i would rather lick a tv remote than marry you
Clint: :/
Wanda: okay how about this, i’ll make a separate groupchat with vis and clint, and i’ll ask dad to add charles bc i dont have his number
Clint: splendid idea my good sir!
Wanda created groupchat
Wanda named groupchat family season 2
Wanda added Erik, Pietro, Clint, and Vis
Wednesday, 1:36 pm
Wanda: hi dad!! can you please add charles?
Erik: Sure. What is this group chat for?
Wanda: vis and clint wanted to be included but pietro is a little bitch so i made a new one and we still have the old one :)
Erik: I would say “Language,” but I know it doesn’t work anymore.
Erik added Charles
Erik changed groupchat name to family season 2 <3
Clint: time to meet stepdad
Pietro: not ur stepdad :/
Charles: Hello!
Clint: mr stepdad sir i would die for you
Wanda: charles, this is my friend clint barton
Charles: Do you kids already think of me as a stepfather? That means a lot to me.
Vis: mr xavier you’re my stepdad-in-law legally
Pietro: i dont think thats how it works
Clint: mr lehnsherr can you adopt me?
Erik: That would be a lot of paperwork, son.
Clint: he called me son
Pietro: ur daddy issues are shining through
Clint: rude :/
Wanda: this was a mistake
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Thursday, 12:52 am
Bucky: idk why everyone is so scared of advancements in robot and android technology……….why would they try to kill all humans….they’re our friends……………………..and maybe…….lovers?
Steve: buck what the fuck
Wanda: bucky i very much agree with you
Vis: so you would still love me if i was a robot?
Wanda: without question <3
Vis: <3
Bruce: actually vis would be an android bc androids look like humans
Tony: or they’d be a synthozoid
Bruce: ^
Bucky: whats a synthezoid
Bucky: nevermind i dont care
Bruce: sort of like a more human android?
Tony: uhh i think synthezoids have organs and can grow like humans but they’re still “robots”
Bucky: thanks, i hate it
Vis: hey, be nice
Vis: i’m a synthezoid and i find what you just said very offensive
Bucky: :/
6:08 am
Thor: why were you all awake at 1 am?
Wanda: 1 hour after the witching hour
Vis: my central processors needed to be recalibrated
Bucky: what does that even mean
Vis: idk but it sounded like something a robot would say
Bruce: homework
Tony: don’t lie we were watching friends reruns
Bruce: how could you expose me like this
Steve: i was actually doing homework
Tony: nobody say anything about how straight friends is ok we know
Thor: bruce you watched friends without me :(
Bruce: i texted you but you were asleep :(
Thor: OwO
Steve: THOR PUT THAT FACE AWAY RIGHT NOW
Steve: DISGUSTAN
Bruce: don’t be a hater just because you’re single
Bucky: LMAO HE GOT YOU
Steve: i came out to have a good time and i’m feeling so attacked right now
Thor > Bruce
Thursday 6:10 am
Thor: do you want to go on a date to the science, art, and history museum this weekend?
Bruce: OH MY GOD YES I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
Thor: :D
Bruce: our first date!!
Steve > Bucky
Thursday, 10:32 am
Steve: so
Bucky: ?
Steve: when are you going to do something about sam
Bucky: haha i dont know what ur talking about oh look i have to go bye!
Steve: the constant staring at each other?? the awkward conversations and touches?? the absulutely disgusting giant fucking crush you have??
Steve: i am physically in pain just from being on the outside of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Steve: buck i love you but you have to do something
Bucky: oh no i’m getting another phone call! sorry i have to go! *hangs up*
Steve: mhm
Natasha > Sam
Thursday, 11:27 am
Natasha: barnes huh
Sam: what?
Natasha: james buchanan barnes huh
Natasha: bucky
Natasha: buckeroo
Sam: whomst
Natasha: it’s so obvious, the only people oblivious to it are you and bucky!!!!
Natasha: please tell him about your feelings or get over it because the rest of us can not deal with the tension
Sam: lol what i’ve never liked someone ever lol i dont even know who bucky is oh is that a door?
Natasha > Steve
Thursday, 11:31 am
Natasha: oh my god
Natasha: [screenshot sent]
Steve: [screenshot sent]
Steve: they’re so alike yet so different, and both so dumb
Natasha: it’s only been days since sam realized he likes bucky
Natasha: but this????? this has been happening for months
Steve: i think i’m actually going to explode if it goes on any longer
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Thursday, 12:12 pm
Loki: it’s 12:12 make a wish
Tony: that’s 11:11
Loki: why do you always ruin my fun
Tony: it’s my favorite hobby :)
Tony: hey who wants to go to mcdonny’s for lunch
Pepper: m
Pepper: mcdonny….
Sam: old mcdonny had a farm
Bucky: E I E I O
Rhodey: ocean mcdonny take me by the mchandy
Tony: yeah yeah you guys have had your fun
Tony: so who wants to go to mcdonalds for lunch
Pepper: mcdonny’s is nasty, can we go to subway instead
Rhodey: or jimmy johns
Pepper: wait yeah jimmy johns
Tony: but what about my mcnuggets :(
Pepper: fuck ya chicken strips
Steve: the lunch period is already half over tho??
Tony: why do you always ruin my fun
Loki: hey that’s my line
Tony: :)
Bucky: hey is for horses
Sam: *hay
Sam: it’s okay bucky :) i know you can’t spell :)
Bucky: hubby!!!!!!! sam is bullying me!!!!!!!!!!1!!!11!!!!1
Sam: ur phone did,,,,,,, did you type the one’s on purpose?
Bucky: yes
Clint: hubby, sam is right
Clint: hay
Bucky: moooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmm
Bucky: kids at school are being mean :(
3:45 pm
Pietro: i can’t believe bruce and thor are dating now :/
Pietro: they’re just like wanda and vis
Pietro: disgusting
Natasha: what about me and pepper?
Pietro: you two are disgusting but if i say that you might kill me so :/
Natasha: haha what :) i would never kill someone :) i am a law abiding citizen :)
Clint: oh we both know that’s a lie
Natasha: i’ve never broken a law
Pietro: sounds fake. name one law.
Natasha: don’t kill people
Pietro: that’s on me, i set the bar too low
Clint > Erik
Thursday, 10:51 pm
Clint: hi mr lehnsherr this is clint. i got your phone number from the groupchat. i know this is really sudden and it’s kind of late but can i stay over tonight? i usually stay at my friend’s house, natasha. i’m sure you know her, wanda and pietro have had her over at your house before. anyway, i feel really bad about staying at her house every time. i could stay with my brother barney but he lives too far away. idk why i’m telling you all this and i’ll probably just delete the message after i finish typi
Clint: OH FUCK OH NO
Erik: Language.
Erik: Sure, you can stay over. Are you okay walking over or should I pick you up?
Clint: i can walk. i’m sorry mr lehnsherr i didnt mean to send that
Erik: Don’t worry about it. I am happy to help. Can I ask why you are staying over?
Clint: is it okay if i dont want to talk about it?
Erik: Yes. You can sleep in Wanda or Pietro’s room or on the couch, if you prefer. Just text me when you are at the door.
Clint: thanks mr lehnsherr
Clint: wanda and pietro are really lucky to have a dad like you
Erik: No problem.
Clint > Tony
Thursday, 10:56 pm
Clint: how do you deal with ur dad being shitty
Tony: mostly just ignore my emotions and steal his credit card, why?
Tony: oh shit you okay?
Clint: yeah, i’m walking to wanda and tro’s house rn
Tony: do you want to talk about it?
Clint: not really, sorry
Tony: that’s okay
Tony: i’m here for you pal
Clint: thanks pal
Tony: pal
Clint: pal
Clint > Erik
Thursday, 11:02 pm
Clint: i’m here
family <3
Friday, 6:30 am
Pietro: can SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY I JUST WALKED INTO A NAKED CLINT IN THE SHOWER OH MY GOD I NEED TO BLEACH MY EYES
Erik: Why are you texting? I am only in the next room.
Pietro: because i’m the personification of what boomers think a teenager is, next question
Wanda: clint is here?
Pietro: YEAH AND I SAW MORE OF HIM THAN I WOULD EVER LIKE TO SEE
Wanda: so was that very manly shriek i heard you or him?
Pietro: BOTH OF US
Erik: Clint stayed overnight.
Wanda: why? where did he sleep?
Erik: He slept on the couch.
Pietro: OKAY BUT WHY IS HE HERE????????
Erik: He did not want to talk about it.
Pietro: oh
Wanda: oh
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Friday, 9:22 am
Rhodey: normally i’m fine waking up early but wow school really doesn’t have to start that early
Tony: ikr
Pietro: ikr
Bucky: ikr
Wanda: ikr
Steve: noobs
Tony: nobody has used that word in like 5 years
10:34 am
Steve: update: i met scott’s friends and they are so weird but in the best way and i think we should all meet
Wanda: worlds colliding
Steve: his friend/boyfriend(?) logan is the strangest tho
Steve: he acts like he’s, like, 30
Wanda: oh yeah logan is like that
Wanda: OH THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO SPILL THE TEA!
Pietro: oh no
Wanda: scott and jean are dating but logan used to like jean (he doesn’t anymore as far as i know) but logan and scott still have that competitive rival thing BUT they also have sort of a thing?? they flirt all the time and poorly disguise it as arguing
Bucky: wow who would be stupid enough to disguise flirting as arguing
Sam: yeah i wonder who
Wanda: ..anyway no one actually knows what the three of them are doing but i’m pretty sure that logan, jean, and scott will eventually all date each other
Pietro: wait i thought logan and kurt were dating?
Wanda: yeah idk, either logan and kurt are deeply in love or they have a bromance that could save the world with the power of love
Thor: who is kurt?
Wanda: the sweetest and funniest kid at school no joke
Loki: hey i thought that was me :(
Tony: ………...sure loki, whatever helps you sleep at night
Loki: i’ll have you know that i am a delight
Thor: you are :)
Loki: see?
Bruce: i mean
Bruce: loki is definitely nicer than last year
Loki: see?
Loki: i am a god
Tony: i’m so glad i’m an only child
11:06 am
Bucky: woah sweaty i just noticed the giant bruise on ur face did you get in a fight??
Sam: sweaty
Steve: sweaty
Natasha: sweaty
Bucky: shut up it’s funny
Clint: no my scrumptious darling i didn’t get in a fight i just tripped
Steve: what did you trip on?
Bucky: a fist?
Clint: a rock
Clint: i’m fine guys lmao it was just a rock
Natasha > Clint
Friday, 11:08 am
Natasha: your father?
Clint: yeah but i’m okay dont worry
Natasha: what happened?
Clint: he was drinking again and he got mad and hit me but i’m okay i stayed at wanda and pietro’s house after he fell asleep
Natasha: i’m glad you left but why didn’t you come to my house?
Clint: this is going to sound really dumb but i didn’t want to bother you
Natasha: oh honey you can always come over, i love you so much
Clint: i love you too nat <3
Natasha: <3
Natasha: do you want a distraction?
Clint: something illegal?
Natasha: sadly not, but just as fun
Clint: sign me up
Natasha created a groupchat
Natasha added Clint and Steve
Natasha named groupchat scheming >:)
Friday, 11:11 am
Natasha: as you know, our dear friends sam and bucky are head over heels in like but they are too stupid to realize
Clint: hey that’s my husband
Clint: but i support this
Natasha: good because we are going to get them together
Steve: they both come to me separately and complain about each other and gush about how much they like the other
Steve: it’s living hell
Clint: hey why are we the only ppl in this chat?
Natasha: well, my lovely girlfriend says she does not want to meddle in other people’s lives but really she just doesn’t want us to blow up her phone while she plays minecraft
Steve: understandable
Natasha: and i don’t trust anyone else not to blab to sam and bucky
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Friday, 11:20 am
Tony: blonde bitches sound off
Steve: i am blond but am i a bitch?
Tony: yes
Clint: here <3
Thor: here!
Tony: thor, you have like, magical hair
Thor: ?
Bruce: wait tony is right
Bruce: in high fantasy there’s usually a character with super light blonde hair. almost unnatural
Pietro: am i a blond bitch?
Tony: hmmm
Tony: i guess :/ ur hair is white tho
Pietro: wow thanks :/
Thor: you can be magical hair buddies with me :)
Pietro: you know what? i would actually love that
scheming >:)
Friday, 12:47 pm
Steve: oh my fucking god did you guys see them in 5th period today
Clint: disgusting. i almost took my hearing aids out.
Natasha: step one: almost complete
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Friday, 1:03 pm
Pepper: who wants the math answers
Tony: wow, pepper. giving away math homework answers??? i’m so disappointed.
Pepper: that wasn’t me and you know it
Pepper: #4 is 3.56
Pepper: hey!!!!!
Tony: who could possibly be doing this to you!
Pepper: i’m going to feed you soggy corn chips
Tony: are you….. accusing me of doing this? my dearest virginia! i would never!
Pepper: #15 is 8/789997
Pepper: anthony!
Tony: virginia!
Rhodey: james!
Bucky: james!
Pepper: #3 is A
Pepper: tony if you’re going to give away the answers then do it on your own phone and stop hacking me
Pepper: tony is the hottest and sexiest and funniest and most datable person ever
Pepper: ANTHONY
Tony: FINE
Tony: okay i won’t do it anymore :’(
Pepper: i am going to give tony my chicken nuggies at lunch
Tony: well, you heard her folks
Pepper: oh my god
Pepper: tony you’re literally rich, you can buy extra. and stop hacking me
Tony: ugh fine
Tony: you’re no fun
1:26 pm
Thor: sometimes i like to squish grapes just to feel something
Clint: cool same
Vis: anyway,
early tumblr emo aesthetic
Friday, 1:53 pm
Pietro: i’m adding loki
Wanda: why
Pietro: he is the textbook description of the chat name
Pietro added Loki
Loki: sup fuckers
Wanda: how do you like your less cool platform boots?
Loki: i’m being bullied
Vis: ha ha
Clint: u laugh like a grandma
Clint: say lol or lmao like the rest of us
Vis: Ha Ha. That minion meme was very funny, Susan. Almost as funny as you stealing my pot roast recipe and passing it off as your own. Musty whore.
Pietro: wanda i was wrong
Pietro: you’re not married to a toaster, you’re married to a grandma
Vis: Respect your elders, young man.
Loki: you tell him, grandma
Clint: what have i done
Pietro > Clint
Friday, 2:00 pm
Pietro: hey clit are you staying are my house again
Clint: 1) can’t you ask me in person? i’m literally sitting two desks away. you don’t even have to use ur vocal cords bc we both know asl. 2) please tell me that you accidentally messed up my name
Pietro: ONE))))))) no i fucking cannot because i am the personification of what boomers think a teenager is. it’s like you and my dad are the same person god. TWOO))))))))) what do you think? >:)
Clint: ignoring that
Clint: idk i might stay if your dad is okay with it. is it weird if i say he’s a dilf?
Pietro: YES THAT IS VERY WEIRD
Clint: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Pietro: ANYWAY i just wanted to know bc you can sleep in my room if you want
Pietro: like a sleepover
Clint: hell yeah, we can paint each other’s nails and gossip about cute boys
Pietro: duh
Pietro: oh also my dad’s bf is probably coming over again. it’s only been like two days and i swear he lives here now
Clint: omg i can finally meet mr stepdad in person!!!!!!!!
Pietro: nevermind you cant stay over. ur actually banned from my house until further notice
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Friday, 2:47 pm
Rhodey: i am so cool
Rhodey: i am a genius holy shit
Rhodey: i’m so smart
Natasha: what did you do?
Pepper: i can smell trouble coming
Rhodey: i figured out how to make tony do anything
Bucky: i feel like i already know the answer to this and i am so ready to be right
Rhodey: just give him a big ole kiss on the lips :)
Rhodey: he’s hacking my phone to make minecraft free as we speak
Pepper: ….how can we be sure that tony isn’t rhodey rn?
Rhodey: he’s doing it on his laptop
Bucky: why would you willingly kiss tony smh
Rhodey: he was surprisingly not bad
Tony: wow thanks
Natasha: so is minecraft free in the app store now or just for you?
Rhodey: just for me :) he sure knows how to make a guy feel special
Pepper: i knew i smelled trouble
Tony: what, a dude can’t kiss his oldest friend on the lips? a dude can’t kiss his bro and then give him minecraft for free, huh? hm? do you have a problem with this?
Pepper: (i can already see where this is heading)
Sam: (friends to lovers, 200k slowburn, minecraft gamer au)
Bucky: (i would read that)
Sam: (i know)
Clint: (why are we whispering)
Bucky: (don’t worry babe just go with it)
Clint: (okay thanks my scrumptious darling)
Pepper: (oh my god)
Bruce: thor can i kiss tony so he can buy me stuff
Thor: only if i can too <3
Bruce: deal <3
Tony: I AM NOT A SUGAR DADDY
Steve: scott is sitting next to me on the bus and he just looked at my phone with the most monotone, blank expression and said “looks exactly like my groupchat”
Steve: i don’t know what to do with this information
Wanda: i have screenshots, wanna see?
Tony: oh my god yes
Rhodey: is this an invasion of privacy
Wanda: not if i send them screenshots from this chat
Rhodey: okay that’s fair let’s see these screenshots
Wanda: [screenshot sent]
Jean: WANDA
Jean: UR NOT-YET-STEPDAD IS SO COOL
Scott: he’s okay
Jean: shut up scott
Logan: shut up scott
Pietro: shut up scott
Scott: when they ask you if your fine and your not really fine
Hank: *you’re, *you’re
Scott: :/
Wanda: lol thanks jean, i’ll screenshot and send this to him
Wanda: [screenshot sent]
Kurt: english is so hard
Rogue: as someone who’s first language is english, you’re so right
Remy: yeah english is disgusting
Scott: logan why were you flirting with my gf :(
Logan: you and jean aren’t even dating????
Jean: yes we are???
Scott: wait no he’s right. we broke up last week, remember?
Jean: oh yeah
Jean: want to get back together?
Scott: only to make logan mad
Logan: i want to punch you in the face so hard right now. with my mouth.
Wanda: [screenshot sent]
Ororo: ew the pyromaniac kid is looking at us
Kitty: gross
Logan: can you all please shut up i’m trying to do homework
Scott: literally just put your phone on mute like the rest of us
Scott: oh i’m sorry i forgot you’re actually a 40 year old man stuck in a teenager’s body
Jean: boys be nice
Logan: you’re so insufferable scott
Scott: i hate you so much i wanna hold your hand and kiss you
Kurt: let’s change the subject before scott can embarrass himself any further
Wanda: [screenshot sent]
Logan: get your head out of your ass, pretty boy
Scott: god you’re so fucking full of yourself
Scott: you think i’m pretty?
Logan: a little
Jean: you’re both so fucking stupid
Jean: i’m rethinking my life choices
Jean: anyone want to date me instead of these two bozos?
Rogue: i’ll do it
Remy: babe :(
Rogue: it’s okay babe we’ll elope as soon as jean and i break up
Wanda: okay i guess every screenshot i have is just logan and scott being dumb
Wanda: and i just sent them every screenshot of someone in this chat doing something very stupid, so they got a lot more screenshots
Tony: we have to have a crossover immediately
Tony: i need all of these ppl in my life right now
Pietro: trust me, you don’t
Tony: um i think i do
Siblings Siblings
Friday, 4:04 pm
Hela: guess who’s back in town bitches
Loki: oh great, my least favorite sibling
Hela: aw <3 you’re my least favorite as well
Thor: so does that mean i’m both of your favorites?
Hela: yes
Loki: i guess :/
Thor: fuck yeah :) <3
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Friday, 4:17 pm
Sam: yeah, and bucky? bucky is BAKING. CREME BRULEE.
Sam: “oh what’s that?”
Bucky: oh, it’s a creamy custard like filling with a caramelized surface. it’s REALLY satisfying <3
Sam: shut up, bucky!
Tony: what is happening
Bucky: how dare she sign up???????? i’ve already picked out the colors for my dressing room!!!!!!!!
Sam: and she hasn’t even asked our permission to join the drama club
Bucky: someone’s got to tell her the rules.
Sam: exactly. and what are the rules?
Tony: hello???? what’s happening here??????????????
Bucky: (here’s a good one for tony)
Bucky: EVAPORATE, TALL PERSON!
Tony: hey :/
Sam: well, you sound like you’ve done a lot of singing too.
Bucky: yeah, my showerhead is very impressed with me.
Tony: why is no one else here rn, please help me
Bucky: this school is about more than just young men in baggy shorts flinging balls for touchdowns!
Sam: baskets. uh, they shoot baskets.
Tony: oh my fucking god
Tony: are you two quoting high school musical at each other??
Sam: we wanted to see how long it would take someone to notice
Bucky: apparently no one cares enough to see our glorious rendition of high school musical :(
Sam: we spent so much time on it :(
Tony: hm. sad.
Sam: :/
Bucky: :/
scheming >:)
Friday, 4:20 pm
Clint: anyone else see what just happened
Steve: yup
Natasha: yup
Natasha: i think at this point we should just abandon our half-baked plan and lock them in a room together until they figure it out
Clint: i’m so on board with that
Steve: same let’s fucking do it (not actually tho right?)
Natasha: (probably not. we’ll see)
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Friday, 10:53 pm
Steve: whoever decided to draw a dick on my math homework i hope you die
Sam: oh yeah that was me
Steve: it’s in permanent marker
Sam: :)
Steve: i wish i was still a skinny beanpole because then ppl would feel bad about bullying me
Natasha: tough luck hunk
Pepper: no hetero but yeah you’re very muscular
Clint: “no hetero” lmao
Steve: sam pls i can’t turn this in
Steve: this is so homophobic
Sam: [image sent] [ID: “guess i’ll homophobe” meme]
Tony: are we bullying steve? my favorite hobby :)
Steve: :/
Bruce: wow steve i can’t believe you’re doing homework at 11 pm
Tony: yeah i thought you were better than this steve
Steve: mom pick me up they’re bullying me
Thor: [video sent] [VD: a kitten climbs a man up to his chest with it’s little claws]
Bucky: OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE
Vis: WHAT THE FUCK I’M DYING I NEED THAT CAT RIGHT NOW
Loki: thor thor thor thor thor we need a cat. we can get it for hela as a coming home present as an excuse please oh my god please please please
Pietro: friendship breaking question: dogs or cats
Clint: wow you love drama huh
Pietro: drama is my middle name
Wanda: okay pietro django maximoff
Pietro: :/
Clint: well obviously i’m a dog person
Loki: i’m a cat person
Tony: (trying so hard not to make a catgirl/catboy joke rn)
Loki: (i am not ashamed of my aesthetic thank you very much)
Sam: i think i speak for all of us when i say that i like both
Bucky: yeah
Pepper: yeah
Wanda: yeah
Bruce: yeah
Tony: yeah
Steve: yeah
Natasha: yeah
Pietro: yeah
Vis: yeah
Rhodey: yeah
Thor: yeah
Steve: back to my homework
Tony: not everything is about you
Steve: ANYWAY
Steve: what do i do????
Wanda: white out
Pietro: draw more dicks with more permanent marker on top of the original dick so it’s indistinguishable
Pepper: how are you twins???
Pietro: well, when a man and a woman love each other very much
Wanda: our father is a hoe
Pepper: nevermind
Steve: okay i taped a picture of chris evans that i ripped out of a magazine on it and i hope i get extra credit
Natasha: you uh
Natasha: you kinda look like chris evans
Rhodey: oh god he does
Bucky: i’ve been friends with chris evans for years and i never realized?????
Sam: he’s been right under our noses this whole time
Tony: i’m sorry can we go back to the fact that steve still reads magazines?? everything is digital now baby
Steve: ok zoomer
Sam > Bucky
Saturday, 6:34 pm
Bucky: hi
Sam: hi?
Bucky: so i kind of want to tell you something but everytime i try in person i choke on my words and everytime i try to text it i end up deleting it before i can send and banging my head on a pillow
Sam: what’s up? you’re freaking me out a little now lol
Bucky: i think ur kinda cute sometimes
Bucky: but all the other times ur super ugly
Sam: thanks, especially for that last part :/
Bucky: i’m sorry, i dont think ur ugly. i sort of actually think ur cute all the time
Sam: i’m just messing with you lmao dude. and uh
Sam: i kind of maybe think you’re cute too
Sam: maybe
Bucky: cool
Sam: cool
Natasha > Vis
Saturday, 9:02 pm
Natasha: hey lil mama lemme lick your earlobe
Natasha: no response? wow. and to think i sent this to everyone in my contact list just for no one to respond
Read✓
cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!
Saturday, 11:45 pm
Tony: let’s say goodnight
Thor: goodnight
Tony: not like that
Thor: :(
Tony: i’m sorry :( now i feel bad
Bruce: rip tony
Tony: anyway goodnight roll call
Tony: i changed my mind i don’t want to do a goodnight one
Steve: :/
Tony: every friend group has
Tony: big tiddy identity crisis
Wanda: here
Pietro: here
Clint: tro you dont have tits
Pietro: says who, the government?
Tony: sweet but no brain
Thor: here!
Vis: here i think?
Sam: here
Tony: omnipotent god
Loki: here <3
Sam: here
Bucky: here
Natasha: here
Loki: saying “here” again to really cement it
Tony: wine step mom
Tony: here
Pepper: here
Tony: encyclopedia bitch
Bruce: here
Vis: here, i guess i do have a brain :(
Tony: the one with goals
Pepper: here
Steve: here
Rhodey: here? maybe?
Tony: unbridled rage
Clint: here
Natasha: lmao ok
Clint: :/
Bruce: here
Wanda: here
Tony: rich
Tony: here <3
Thor: here
Loki: here <3
Steve: tony you stole this from tiktok
Tony: you cant prove anything
Tony: wait wait i have a better response hold on
Tony: yeah and? what are you gonna do about it, huh?
Steve: hm
Steve: you got me there
Tony: actually i changed my mind again lets do a goodnight one
Steve: it better be original or i’m suing
Tony: ugh fine
Tony: goodnight to pretty bitches, goodnight to petty bitches, goodnight to assholes with glasses or no glasses, goodnight to fuckers who drink milk before bed (ew why would you do that. i’m judging you so hard rn), goodnight to everyone who passed the history test last week, goodnight to the fly in my room that always buzzes but i can never FUCKING SEE, goodnight to clint’s purple phone case, goodnight to everyone who is jealous of my heelies, goodnight to ur mom, goodnight to my brain, which is running out of ideas, and most of all, goodnight moon<3
Wanda: ……are we supposed to say here?
Tony: no <3
Clint: i better have gotten character development this week because i’m hot as shit