Work Text:
FashionablyLesbian: Greetings bitches and biotches
FashionablyLesbian: I see we have the misfortune of being placed together
bimyself: New phone, who dis
buymebooks: Ron, you have the same phone.
bimyself: No mione it’s a meme
bigdickenergy: Loving the introduction
willforever<: Who y'all????
3mygirlfriend: Be????
smalldickenergy: Wow
smalldickenergy: Your usernames are disgustingly cute
smalldickenergy: Like I seriously want to throw up
willforever<: Thanks?
smalldickenergy: It’s not a compliment
Blaise.Zabini: Hi, yes
Blaise.Zabini: Why the FUCK is everyone being so loud over here
illegallyblond: *gasp*
illegallyblond: Blaise, you said a no-no word.
nobodyfucksme: What the shit Blaise
bigdickenergy: Wait
i.blew.something.up.again: What on earth is going on
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Can we have an introduction please
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: I don’t know who any of the slytherins are except Zabini
Blaise.Zabini: Because I used my name like everyone should
butplantsexiscool: But that’s so boring
Blaise.Zabini: I’m boring for not wanting ‘plant sex is cool’ in my username
butplantsexiscool: Yes
FashionablyLesbian: Yes
bigdickenergy: Yes
smalldickenergy: Yes
illegallyblond: Yes
nobodyfucksme: Yes
theboywhowontfuckingdie: What
sexiscoolbutplants: I can already see the 3 am texts that will force my eyes to stay open
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Introduction???
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Please??
FashionablyLesbian: Ah yes
FashionablyLesbian: This is Parkinson
FashionablyLesbian: Queen of the lesbians
butplantsexiscool: Theo
butplantsexiscool: THE boyfriend of @sexiscoolbutplants
sexiscoolbutplants: Hi love
butplantsexiscool: Hi darling
illegallyblond: Affection?
illegallyblond: Disgusting.
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Who are you??
illegallyblond: Really, Potter?
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Oh wow
theboywhowontfuckingdie: It was at this point I wish I didn’t ask
bimyself: Are we going to ignore the fact that Malfoy texts with perfect grammar?
bimyself: Just like Hermione?
buymebooks: Obviously Malfoy seems to have better sense than the rest of you.
buymebooks: And are we going to ignore the fact that Malfoy has apparently seen ‘Legally Blonde’, a muggle film?
illegallyblond: Wasn’t that great.
FashionablyLesbian: He’s lying he hyper fixated for at least two months
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Malfoy hyper fixates?
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Aww that’s adorable
FashionablyLesbian: Whether or not the statement was ironic
FashionablyLesbian: Draco is currently hyperventilating next to me
illegallyblond: Ps nay! ShUt Yoru3a MouYh
nobodyfucksme: The fact that all the Gryffindors recognised Draco the moment he texted the word Potter
nobodyfucksme: Proves the point that you need to stop fucking saying it
Blaise.Zabini: Merlin Greg I can’t believe you just murdered Draco
illegallyblond left
i.blew.something.up.again: Did he just
FashionablyLesbian: Drama queen
FashionablyLesbian added illegallyblond
illegallyblond: Fuck all of you.
bigdickenergy: Hush bottom
bigdickenergy: A top is speaking
bigdickenergy: This is Daphne by the way
bigdickenergy: @smalldickenergy is my darling Millie
smalldickenergy: Not girlfriends though just mates
bigdickenergy: Yep
bimyself: Oof
theboywhowontfuckingdie: That was hard to watch
bimyself: My thoughts exactly
illegallyblond: Damn, Millie.
smalldickenergy: What
butplantsexiscool: Millie I love you but you’re Draco level oblivious
illegallyblond: Hey!
smalldickenergy: Hey!
FashionablyLesbian: Okay moving on
FashionablyLesbian: Gryphs I believe it’s your turn
FashionablyLesbian: Wait actually let me guess
FashionablyLesbian: @theboywhowontfuckingdie is Potter obviously
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Greetings
illegallyblond: Just say ‘hello’ or ‘hi’ Potter, don’t try to be special.
bimyself: I can’t believe Harry pissed Malfoy off by saying a single word
bimyself: this is a new record
butplantsexiscool: Nah remember last week when Potter existed too loudly
theboywhowontfuckingdie: You know what @illegallyblond
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Hush bottom
theboywhowontfuckingdie: A top is speaking
Blaise.Zabini: Merlin Potter I know the wizarding world literally worships you but you can’t just murder people like this
FashionablyLesbian: Update: Draco is literally red and unable to type
FashionablyLesbian: This is your new weapon Potter
illegallyblond: PAsMyY iefh
illegallyblond: SH uT UO yOU H SG
FashionablyLesbian: Sorry darling can’t quite read that
FashionablyLesbian: @sexiscoolbutplants Neville, again obviously
FashionablyLesbian: @buymebooks Granger
buymebooks: yep.
FashionablyLesbian: Hello
buymebooks: Hi.
nobodyfucksme: Smooth
FashionablyLesbian: Hush
FashionablyLesbian: @i.blew.something.up.again Finnigan @my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again and Thomas
FashionablyLesbian: @willforever< @3mygirlfriend Patil and Brown but I don’t know which is which
3mygirlfriend: This is Lavender
willforever<: And This is Patil
FashionablyLesbian: Which leaves @bimyself as Weasley
FashionablyLesbian: You’re bi?
bimyself: Yeah Harry is too
bimyself: Found out together
FashionablyLesbian: Oh
FashionablyLesbian: Oh my
theboywhowontfuckingdie: RoN nO
bimyself: What
bimyself: OhH wA it No
bimyself: NOT THAT TOGETHER
bimyself: I MEANT WE FOUND OUT THE SANE YEAR BY TALKING TO EACH OTHER
bimyself: I HAD A CRUSH ON KRUM AND HARRY HAD A CRUSH ON CEDRIC IN NO WAY DID WE E VER THINK OF EACH OTHER THAT WAY
Blaise.Zabini: Oh
FashionablyLesbian: So Weasley likes buff guys and Potter likes pretty boys?
FashionablyLesbian: Useful bit of information there @Blaise.Zabini @illegallyblond
Blaise.Zabini: Shut up
illegallyblond: Shut up.
i.blew.something.up.again: We’re really going to just ignore this
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Wonder why that was a useful bit of information @bimyself @theboywhowontfuckingdie
bimyself: What does that mean
theboywhowontfuckingdie: ?
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Merlin help me
i.blew.something.up.again: Babe leave them they’re still too oblivious
bimyself: Oi!
FashionablyLesbian: Why were we rival houses?
FashionablyLesbian: Cuz if I’m going to be honest this was an actual good idea by our school
buymebooks: That’s because Dumbledore is no longer headmaster and the much wiser Mcgonagall is.
buymebooks: She actually knows what the fuck is wrong, then tries to fix said problems.
illegallyblond: *gasp*
illegallyblond: Granger, you said a no-no word.
illegallyblond: Fuck
Blaise.Zabini: *gasp*
Blaise.Zabini: Draco you said a no no word
Blaise.Zabini: But seriously what
illegallyblond: So I’m in muggle London
FashionablyLesbian: Without us????
illegallyblond: I’m in a cafe
bigdickenergy: Oh boring
nobodyfucksme: Without @Blaise.Zabini and me???
smalldickenergy: Should we be worried? Draco’s not texting with perfect grammar
bimyself: Why are you in MUGGLE london?
nobodyfucksme: Due to recent events slytherins have had to relocate
illegallyblond: GUYS
butplantsexiscool: Caps
butplantsexiscool: This is bad what’s happening
illegallyblond: This one guy had been staring at me since I arrived in the cafe
theboywhowontfuckingdie is typing…
buymebooks: Harry, can you really talk?
i.blew.something.up.again: Sixth year flashbacks
illegallyblond: So 30 minutes in I was like no this is creepy af and got the fuck out
illegallyblond: And now he’s following me
Blaise.Zabini: Shit
Blaise.Zabini: Weapons?
illegallyblond: Not that I can see, no wand either
3mygirlfriend: Hi everyone! How are you all doing?
willforever<: Babe read the chat
willforever<: Really wrong energy
3mygirlfriend: Oh crap
3mygirlfriend: Do you have your wand with you?
illegallyblond: Yes but my spells are limited when I’m in muggle areas
FashionablyLesbian: Okay there’s always a chance this is a regular amateur muggle stalker with no weapons
FashionablyLesbian: So you can just channel your ballet energy and like
FashionablyLesbian: I don’t know pirouette him into confusion
illegallyblond: I’m now listening to anyone but Pansy
theboywhowontfuckingdie: You do ballet?
illegallyblond: Yes which gives me the physical strength I need to strangle you with my legs
FashionablyLesbian: Or do that!
illegallyblond: Shit he sped up
bimyself: Fuck
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Jesus christ shouldn’t someone be going there like right now
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Okay fuck where are you
Blaise.Zabini: Don’t tell me you’re going to apparate all the way there
illegallyblond: Bracknell, 12 picket post close
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Oh thank merlin I’ve been there
Blaise.Zabini: Also the fact that you can’t apparate on school grounds
illegallyblond: Shit I turned into an alleyway I’m cornered
bimyself: We’re in Hogsmeade
bimyself: Or at least me and mione are
bimyself: Harry just fucking apparated out
nobodyfucksme: We’re never gonna hear the end of this
FashionablyLesbian: Watch Draco swoon
Blaise.Zabini: Potter
Blaise.Zabini: I’m grateful that you saved our friend from a likely kidnapping but could you pLEASE SHUT HIM UP
theboywhowontfuckingdie: ??
smalldickenergy: 112 times
smalldickenergy: He’s said the word Potter 112 times already
bigdickenergy: Today
willforever<: It’s 10 in the morning?
butplantsexiscool: We don’t control this
butplantsexiscool: Babe I’m coming over this is more than I can take
sexiscoolbutplants: Alright I’m waiting darling
bimyself: Thank you Neville and Nott
bimyself: For making me feel like single trash
buymebooks: So, I believe we’ve successfully been able to remain civil on text.
bimyself: No wait mione watch this
bimyself: @theboywhowontfuckingdie say something anything
theboywhowontfuckingdie: ???
illegallyblond: As articulate as ever, Potter.
sexiscoolbutplants: I can’t believe he summoned Draco through three question marks
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: you can’t?
buymebooks: Fine, As civil as we can get.
buymebooks: I’d like us to arrange a meet-up at Hogsmeade, is everyone okay with the three broomsticks?
Blaise.Zabini: Don’t know
bimyself: What do you mean you don’t know
Blaise.Zabini: Never been there
bimyself: What
bimyself: They have THE best butterbeer
Blaise.Zabini: Haven’t had butterbeer
bimyself: I-
bimyself: Again wHAT
FashionablyLesbian: Technically most of us aren’t allowed butterbeer
FashionablyLesbian: Because it’s like 99% butter and that’s not great for our figures so our parents never allowed it
FashionablyLesbian: Most of us sneaked and tried it but a few of us refused to disobey our parents
FashionablyLesbian: It’s really sweet and creamy Blaise I don’t think you’ll like it
3mygirlfriend: You guys worry about your figures??
3mygirlfriend: Literally all of you look like models
illegallyblond: Well, even if we do, our parents wanted to make sure we stayed that way.
FashionablyLesbian: What a great time to rebel
bimyself: @Blaise.Zabini tell me you’ve at least had bertie and botts
Blaise.Zabini: Nope
bimyself: What the fuck
bimyself: This is child abuse
Blaise.Zabini: What
Blaise.Zabini: No it’s not
Blaise.Zabini: Just because mother didn’t allow me sweets doesn’t mean she’s abusive
illegallyblond: Oh, merlin, here we go.
Blaise.Zabini: She’s not abusive
bimyself: Mate it was a joke
bimyself: but now you’ve got me worried
Blaise.Zabini: Don’t be
Fashionably Lesbian:
nobodyfucksme: She’s all the way in Italy anyways
bimyself: Right well
bimyself: This is my goal now
Blaise.Zabini: What?
bimyself: I’m taking you to hogsmeade and I’m forcing you to try butterbeer and the sweets especially bertie and botts
FashionablyLesbian: Oh
buymebooks: Oh, my.
illegallyblond: Somehow, this isn’t how I pictured this going at all but I’m also not at all surprised.
butplantsexiscool: Fair warning Weasley Pansy’s right he’s very likely not going to like butterbeer
i.blew.something.up.again: By the way I’ve been recently informed that Malfoy has a huge sweet tooth??
i.blew.something.up.again: Just wanted that to be public knowledge
illegallyblond: Who the fuck wants to die?
bigdickenergy: Yeah it’s our secret weapon
smalldickenergy: You can bribe him with chocolate easily or use it to make him forgive you
smalldickenergy: It’s the same effect as Potter’s flirting but less effective
theboywhowontfuckingdie: What
illegallyblond: I hate it here.
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: We have a slight problem
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: In which my username correctly describes the situation
bimyself: Ffs
buymebooks: Seamus, what did you do?
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: This is Seamus, my phone was lost in the process so this is happening
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Isn’t this the second fire this week
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Wasn’t that the seventh year you’ve had a murderous bastard stalking you
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Touche
willforever<: Damn okay
3mygirlfriend: Seamus calm down
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Why do you two stay on this chat for like two seconds then disappear
willforever<: When you have the option to snog your partner all day why would you stay at anything else for more than two seconds
3mygirlfriend: Mood
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Mood
sexiscoolbutplants: Mood
butplantsexiscool: Mood
FashionablyLesbian: Touche
Blaise.Zabini: Touché
bimyself: Touche
bigdickenergy: Touché
buymebooks: Touché.
smalldickenergy: Touché
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Touche
illegallyblond: Touché.
nobodyfucksme: This is aroace erasure
nobodyfucksme: Also how and what did you set fire to
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: So I was brushing up on my transfiguration spells
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: And something must have gone horribly wrong because the next moment Ron’s bed is on fire
bimyself: hat
bimyself: What
bimyself: Seamus
smalldickenergy: AHAHAHAHAH
bigdickenergy: Unfortunate
bimyself: Seamus where the fuck am I going to sleep if my fucking bed is now ashes
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Not all of it is!
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: The big hole in the middle will just be a slight discomfort
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Ron I apologise for my boyfriend’s actions
bimyself: Nah Dean don’t worry about it
bimyself: Seamus, you worry about it
FashionablyLesbian: I’m sure Blaise won’t mind you sleeping in his bed
FashionablyLesbian: It’s a big enough bed
bimyself: Really?
Blaise.Zabini: What
FashionablyLesbian: Blaise will you let Weasley sleep in your bed with you for tonight while he’s bedless
FashionablyLesbian: Hint: the answer is yes
Blaise.Zabini: I-
Blaise.Zabini: Okay?
bimyself: Thanks mate
illegallyblond: I can’t believe that actually fucking worked.
bimyself: Malfoy just fucking fainted
bimyself: Also by the way Blaise and I are dating now
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: What
bimyself: What to which one
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: The first thing
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: I hate to say it but Ron we all saw the you and Zabini thing coming
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: You asked him on a date, intentional or not
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: He let you sleep with him
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Ron no one is surprised
theboywhowontfukingdie: Malfoy fainted?
bimyself: Rude
bimyself: Yeah he just stood up and looked nauseous then fell back down
bimyself: Blaise just sighed and said not again then proceeded to ignore him
buymebooks: What?
buymebooks: Can one of the Slytherins please explain why he’s not in the hospital wing?
buymebooks: Or why this isn’t the first time it’s happened?
FashionablyLesbian: Hi yes this is your favourite lesbian
FashionablyLesbian: Draco has iron deficiency
FashionablyLesbian: He faints sometimes but he’s fine as long as he takes his potion when he wakes up
FashionablyLesbian: Fun fact: Draco faints when he blushes too hard this was proved exactly twice
FashionablyLesbian: That’s unrelated to the iron deficiency according to him so we don’t know what makes it happen
FashionablyLesbian: But that’s just a fun fact for anyone who might want it @theboywhowontfuckingdie
Theboywhowontfuckingdie: ?
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: So you’re saying that instead of fighting Harry could just flirt with Malfoy and it would be more effective
FashionablyLesbian: Indeed
FashionablyLesbian: And I mean it will be a LOT more effective
theboywhowontfuckingdie: I’m not flirting with Malfoy
bimyself: Mate you’ve already done it twice
theboywhowontfuckingdie: What no
bigdickenergy: Alright then mr hush bottom a top is speaking
smalldickenergy: Mr Malfoy hyper fixates? that’s adorable
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Alright yeah I get it
Blaise.Zabini: Warning Draco is awake again he’s going to take a potion and he’ll be back so spam this convo out of existence
bigdickenergy: Got it
bigdickenergy: HPDM
smalldickenergy: HPDM
bigdickenergy: HPDM
bigdickenergy: HPDM
smalldickenergy: HPDM
bigdickenergy: HPDM
theboywhowontfuckingdie: I’m so glad I convinced the hat to not make me a slytherin
smalldickenergy: HPDM
smalldickenergy: HPDM
smalldickenergy: Wait what the fuck
bigdickenergy: HPDM
bigdickenergy: HPDM
smalldickenergy: HPDM
illegallyblond: What in the fuck is going on?
Blaise.Zabini: Language
illegallyblond: Oh, I’m sorry.
illegallyblond: What in the sexual intercourse is happening?
Blaise.Zabini: What the fuck
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Loving the energy change the moment Malfoy enters the chat
illegallyblond: Can’t say I’m loving the moment you returned to the chat.
theboywhowontfuckingdie: You know you could be a whole lot nicer with almost no effort
illegallyblond: Could I?
FashionablyLesbian: Potter you have to understand this is how he works
FashionablyLebsian: He literally cannot be nice to you
FashionablyLebsian: You’re special to him like that
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Wow what makes me so special
nobodyfucksme: His fat fucking gay crush on you
theboywhowontfuckingdie: What
illegallyblond: GOYLE
illegallyblond: IF YOUN DONT FUCKS OFF
smalldickenergy: What’s this? I see no denial?
illegallyblond: I DONT FUSKVING LIKE POTTERT
nobodyfucksme: Your reaction says real different
illegallyblond: ALL F YOU CAN TCRAWL INTOA ?HOLE AMD DIE
FashionablyLesbian: Draco darling type properly
FashionablyLesbian: We can’t read that
buysmebooks: I’m heading to the bookstore, does anyone here want to join?
illegallyblond: Is the new potions guide out yet?
buymebooks: I believe so.
illegallyblond: Then I’ll join you.
FashionablyLesbian: I’ll come too
nobodyfucksme: Since when are you into books
FashionablyLesbian: Since never but why not try
illegallyblond: Alright then.
illegallyblond: Oh, I forgot I have the transfiguration essay to finish, I’ll come next time.
buymebooks: Okay.
FashionablyLesbian to illegallyblond
FashionablyLesbian: Didn’t you finish that essay
illegallyblond: Yes.
illegallyblond: Shoot your shot.
FashionablyLesbian: Thanks darling
FashionablyLesbian: You are THE wingman
FashionablyLesbian: Now if you could stop being a little bitch and let me be your wingwoman
FashionablyLesbian: Potter could be under you much faster
illegallyblond: PANSY
FashionablyLesbian: Oh I’m sorry
FashionablyLesbina: YOU could be under POTTER much faster
illegallyblond: I hate you.
illegallyblond: Now go get yourself a girlfriend
FashionablyLesbian: Thank you love <3
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Is this going to be a common occurrence
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Are all the single gryffindors getting paired up with slytherins now
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Seamus what
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: I just saw Hermione snogging Parkinson
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: What the fuck is going on
illegallyblond: Oh, my.
illegallyblond: @Blaise.Zabini it has happened.
Blaise.Zabini: Fucking finally
Blaise.Zabini: You know what this means Draco
Blaise.Zabini: You are very much next
bimyself: What’s going on now
Blaise.Zabini: Love you came at a fantastic time
Blaise.Zabini: We’re now wingmen
Blaise.Zabini: Drarry will happen by the end of the year
bimyself: Oh okay
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Drarry?
smalldickenergy: What’s happening are we talking about Drarry
theboywhowontfuckingdie: What the fuck is Drarry
smalldickenergy: Is it not obvious
smalldickenergy: It’s Draco x Harry
smalldickenergy: A very popular hogwarts ship currently
theboywhowontfuckingdie: What the fuck
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Why is Malfoy not reacting to any of this
Blaise.Zabini: He put his phone down the moment I said he was next
Blaise.Zabini: He’s been through this and he’s good at not going through it again
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Why has Malfoy been through this
Blaise.Zabini: Let’s just say you should be more than glad that you decided to not be a slytherin
FashionablyLesbian: However there are alternatives and you dear savior can be IN a slytherin
FashionablyLesbian: If you get what I mean ;)
Blaise.Zabini: Pansy that is horribly crass
Blaise.Zabini: It’s perfect
bimyself: Harry has put his phone down
bimyself: He is effectively ignoring us
FashionablyLesbian: By the way @bimyself shouldn’t you change your username since you’re less bi yourself now
bimyself: True true
bimyself changed their name to Ron.Weasley
Blaise.Zabini: LOVE
Blaise.Zabini: I-
bigdickenergy: I can’t believe you killed blaise by changing your usetname
illegallyblond: *username
bigdickenergy: Fuck off gay
illegallyblond: No.
bigdickenergy: Drarry
illegallyblond left
FashionablyLesbian: I’m actually not going to add him back
FashionablyLesbian made theboywhowontfuckingdie admin
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Who thought it was a good idea to make me one of the leaders
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Because this will end in chaos
FashionablyLesbian: None of the admins add Draco back tell him the only person who can add him back is Potter
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Did I consent to this
theboywhowontfuckingdie: What if I don’t want to add him back
FashionablyLesbian: That would be great
FashionablyLesbian: Because then Draco would have to persuade you
FashionablyLesbian: If you know what I mean ;)
theboywhowontfuckingdie left
FashionablyLesbian added theboywhowontfuckingdie
FashionablyLesbian: That’s not the program biotch
illegallyblond to FashionablyLesbian
illegallyblond: Add me back, Mcgonagall is on my arse.
illegallyblond: Someone told her I left.
FashionablyLesbian: Wonder who that could be
FashionablyLesbian: And no can do
FashionsblyLesbian: I have made Potter admin and made sure the other admins don’t add you
FashionablyLesbian: He’s your only hope
illegallyblond: I’ve asked Neville to put his toad in your bed
illegallyblond blocked this contact
FashionablyLesbian: Draco
FashionablyLesbian: Draco no
illegallyblond to Blaise.Zabini
illegallyblond: Blaise, please.
illegallyblond: Have mercy.
Blaise.Zabini: I’m sorry Draco
Blaise.Zabini: I’m not willing to meet the wrath of Pansy for your sake
illegallyblond blocked this contact
Blaise.Zabini: You dramatic bitch
illegallyblond to smalldickenergy
illegallyblond: Millie.
smalldickenergy: No
illegallyblond blocked this contact
smalldickenergy blocked this contact
illegallyblond to nobodyfucksme
illegallyblond: Greg.
illegallyblond: You know how you’re my favourite person in the whole world?
nobodyfucksme: I think sweet talking Potter would help you more in this case
illegallyblond: I retract my statement.
illegallyblond blocked this contact
illegallyblond to buymebooks
illegallyblond: Granger.
illegallyblond: Please.
illegallyblond: Mcgonagall is threatening me with detention.
buymebooks: I’m sorry, Draco.
buymebooks: But I really don’t want to upset Pansy.
buymebooks: And really, it’s about time you two stop being oblivious idiots.
illegallyblond blocked this contact
buymebooks: Wow.
buymebooks: Mature.
illegallyblond to sexiscoolbutplants
illegallyblond: Neville.
illegallyblond: I’m on my knees.
sexiscoolbutplants: You must be truly desperate if you’re using my first name
sexiscoolbutplants: But unfortunately I cannot do anything for you
illegallyblond: Fine.
illegallyblond: You agreed to put your toad in Pansy’s bed, so I won’t block you.
sexiscoolbutplants: Umm
sexiscoolbutplants: Thank you?
illegallyblond: You’re welcome.
illegallyblond to willforever<
illegallyblond: Patil, please add me back.
willforever<: No <3
illegallyblond blocked this contact
illegallyblond to my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again
illegallyblond: Thomas, please add me back.
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: I’ve literally never heard you say please
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Or in this case see it I guess
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Sorry though
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Hi this is Seamus
illegallyblond: Hi?
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Yeah I’m here to tell you to
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: GET YOUR SHIT TOGATHER
illegallyblond: *together
illegallyblond: And what?
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Fucking merlin just snog already
illegallyblond blocked this contact
illegallyblond to theboywhowontfuckingdie
illegallyblond is typing…
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Okay you’ve been typing for a solid 30 minutes
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Before you go on I’d just like to say
theboywhowontfuckingdie: No
illegallyblond: Potter, if I get detention understand that I will drag you down with me.
illegallyblond: Add me back to the fucking group, Potter.
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Wow you hear that
theboywhowontfuckingdie: It sounds
theboywhowontfuckingdie: It kinda sounds like
theboywhowontfuckingdie: No
illegallyblond: Potter I can’t afford a detention this year
illegallyblond: What the fuck do you want
theboywhowontfuckingdie: I can’t believe I’ve made you text without perfect punctuations
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Last time that happened you almost got kidnapped
illegallyblond: Potter
theboywhowontfuckingdie: I want you to say please
illegallyblond: Fcukingdbkajfihiefnfh
illegallyblond: Fine
theboywhowontfuckingdie: I want you to SAY it
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Meet me at the room of requirements tomorrow at midnight
illegallyblond: You’re fucking kidding me
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Nope.
illegallyblond: I will be there but I will murder you instead of saying please
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Aw but I bet you’d look so pretty when you’re begging
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Malfoy?
theboywhowontfuckingdie: It’s been like 20 minutes did I break you
illegallyblond: YOUFUCKCDIHBFIY H
theboywhowontfuckingdie: I see
theboywhowontfuckingdie added illegallyblond
illegallyblond changed the group name to ‘@FashionablyLesbian is a hag’
FashionablyLesbian: Rude
FashionablyLesbian: But I shall let it slide
FashionablyLesbian: And if you say you and Potter still haven’t shagged I swear on merlin’s grave I will do this shit again
theboywhowontfuckingdie: We did
theboywhowontfuckingdie: But you are all mistaken if you think that has changed anything
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Watch this
theboywhowontfuckingdie: ???
illegallyblond: Why would you send a message that has absolutely no contribution to the conversation?
theboywhowontfuckingdie: You’re pretty
illegallyblond: YOUF
illegallyblond: SAJDIKEF
theboywhowontfuckingdie: The power I now hold
i.blew.something.up.again: So is Malfoy indeed a bottom
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Indeed
theboywhowontfuckingdie: And you finally got a new phone
i.blew.something.up.again: With great difficulty
i.blew.something.up.again: Let’s just say the parental figures were less than happy
Ron.Weasley: No shit
Ron.Weasley: You blew your fucking phone up Seamus
i.blew.something.up.again: I didn’t come on this group chat for a personal attack
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: So has everyone been paired off now
i.blew.something.up.again: Yeah Dean I’ve been meaning to talk to you
i.blew.something.up.again: Now that everyone’s been paired off with a slytherin I’m breaking up with you to be with my one true love
i.blew.something.up.again: @smalldickenergy
smalldickenergy: Ha, suck that
my.boyfriend.blew.something.up.again: Seamus you’re gay
Ron.Weasley: This group chat is a fucking disaster
Ron.Weasley: I bet the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff group chat is doing better
Blaise.Zabini: Nah the group chat’s probably just all of them bullying Zacharias Smith
Blaise.Zabini: Which he 100% deserves
3mygirlfriend: What did he do
Blaise.Zabini: He basically harassed Draco
Blaise.Zabini: Before he used to get way too flirty but now he acts like he wants Draco to drop dead
Blaise.Zabini: Like make up your fucking mind
theboywhowontfuckingdie: @illegallyblond Do you want me to threaten him
illegallyblond: What?
illegallyblond: What are you going to do? Beat him up?
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Do you want me to
buymebooks: Right, Harry’s very protective.
buymebooks: You’re in this now.
Ron.Weasley: Harry calm down you’re probably scaring him
FashionablyLesbian: Nah Draco’s probably really turned on right now
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Love
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Would you like me to beat him up
FashionablyLesbian: You’ve officially murdered Draco with a single word
FashionablyLesbian: Congratulations
illegallyblond: I mean,
illegallyblond: If I said no you’d do it anyway, wouldn’t you?
theboywhowontfuckingdie: I’d like to say no but probably
illegallyblond: Don’t beat him up but I’ll let you scare the shit out of him
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Nice
theboywhowontfuckingdie: Love you
FashionablyLesbian: And Draco’s down