Chapter Text
"You and I, we could make it."
―
Suzanne Collins; The Hunger Games
I couldn’t help but let out a laugh as Levi planted a punch right in the peacekeeper’s nose. He howled and stumbled back bumping into a makeshift stall whose owner shoved him away casually. The rest of the hub watched in amusement as the guy landed on his face in the dirt. Three of the district peacekeepers were hyperventilating as they laughed, not even attempting to help their comrade. Levi shook his hand out and rolled his wrist, looking far too cool for everyone else but looking like a dumbass to me who knew he had messed up the punch.
The hub was dark and grotty as usual, the light barely reaching through the gaps in the wooden boards above and the crooked barn doors around us. Levi never liked to stay for too long or he swore the smell made visible stains in his already tatted shirt. I didn’t mind the hub myself, always people going along with their day, throwing a smile here and there to those they knew and to those they didn’t, and of course always giving the best prices for our meat. We had gone into the hub to try and sell some rabbits and squirrels to the butcher but two of the uptight peacekeepers had wanted to know how the hell we got them. Speaking of two…
My eyes went wide as I saw a huffing red-faced peacekeeper storming up from behind Levi. I grabbed a wooden ball from the stall behind me and tossed it my hand, feeling its weight.
I cocked my head to the side, looking Levi dead in the eye who then plummeted down into a crouch as I piffed the ball straight into the peacekeeper’s forehead. We admired as he fell back like a log, sending up a cloud of dust around him. The other three peacekeepers finally started looking agitated, not because they didn’t like us or something, which was evident from the amount of times they had bought from and covered for us in the past, but their superior on the other hand wasn’t going to be too pleased.
I started sweeping our money into my pouch, as Hannes, one of the other three peacekeepers, our main customer, though a raved drunk, put up his five fingers and started counting down. It was the classic system we had set up: if we catch you; you’re punished, if we don’t; we never saw you.
I thanked the butcher with a charismatic smile as Levi tugged on my sleeve, saluted the blonde guard with my two fingers. “Adios dear Hannes!” And we broke off into a sprint.
I couldn’t help but chuckle as we passed out the doors and heard the faked cries of disappointment and anger and their lazy run after us. But with no telling when the other two were going to get up we wound around the corners of slanted houses and piles of decade old rubble scattering the paths as fast as we could. We didn’t exactly have anyone to bail us out. Levi led ahead, checking back periodically to check if I was keeping up as his small stature always seemed to outrun me. He slowed down to match my pace and a little smile appeared on my lips at his little form of care.
I let out happy greetings drunk on adrenaline as we passed school mates, heading home early for the day, who sent back confused waves.
“God, you’re so loud,” Levi jutted at me, but I easily saw the small smile he tried oh so hard to hide plastered on his face.
Finally, we made it to our shitty house and let ourselves in quickly with an exhausted breath. We closed the door behind us and soon heard footsteps and an overdramatic sigh from Hannes. I peeked out through a hole between the wooden boards, Levi pretended to remain uninterested but stayed leaning against the door to listen with his knife cleaning out under his fingernails. I watched as Hannes feigned confusion and gradually led them all away, they had bigger things to worry about today.
With a sigh of relief, I dumped our stuff on our tiny kitchen table. Our home wasn’t much with its small wooden table and stools, half working stove, which was just a glorified campfire, our basic set of draws we had picked up off the road one day and our two squeezed together mattresses on the ground. Our thin tattered blankets weren’t much on their own but when layered they could become half useful, and hey, a little body heat never hurt either. The legality of whether we owned the place was up for debate but since no one had bothered us yet, we were yet to budge.
I sat back on our rocking chair and started counting out the coins. Levi leant against the table drinking out of his bottle, holding it from the top which I would never fail to find endearing. He wiped his mouth lazily looking at me, peeking out of the black hair covering his face from his undercut, which would have made me blush if I hadn’t focused my energy into my hands. God those eyes.
“How much did we get?” he said, putting the bottle down.
I let out sigh with my fallen shoulders. “Enough,” I admitted, “But we’ll need a bit more if we want to get you a shirt next week.”
“We’re eating for two not four, remember?” He said it so softly it could have made me cry if I was tired enough which wasn’t far off to be honest. He leant his head to the side to catch my eye.
“I know I know; habits die hard.” I said scratching my head, I mustered a half assed smile his way. “But hey? It’s always good to have some comfort money.”
He nodded absentmindedly, dropping the subject to my relief. Grieving takes a lot of forms, but they all fail to disappear just as slowly.
“Do you want to go out to the forest before it’s time?” he said out of nowhere, staring out the window.
I looked at him in confusion. “I mean I guess, but we were just out there this morning.”
“Just in case.” I heard him whisper.
I stood up and headed towards him with anger already beginning to carve itself in my face. “How many times did you put your name in?”
He let out a quiet exhale and looked at me. “Thirty.”
I instinctively let out a bewildered breath, a half baffled half mad smile, running my hand through my hair, no doubt pulling some out. “And how much did we promise?”
“Twelve,” he said emotionlessly. “One for each month. I did more since it’s my last one alright.”
I could barely look at him, overwhelmed with frustration at his stupid selflessness that he seemed unable to shake. “God, and I thought I was being the annoying one doing twenty but fucking thirty?!”
“You what?” Levi said dangerously quietly.
I pointed an aggressive finger at his chest. “You are not allowed to get mad at me going up eight when you went up by eighteen alright?”
I watched as his jaw locked to the side and I could feel his want to lecture me radiate off him, but his hypocrisy caught him out into an awkward spot. “The last time someone did twenty-”
“Don’t try an act like it’s some jinxing number Levi.” I glared. “They’re gone, and have been for a long time, we’re just going to have to live with that.” I directed my anger away and towards my bag, taking out the small items we had bought and putting them away.
He watched me, unmoving. “Maybe I should have volunteered back then.”
I whipped around at breakneck speed. “You fucking should not have.”
He shrugged lazily.
“It wouldn’t have changed anything Levi, all four of us were kids, we barely even qualified. Not even you would have had a chance.”
“Like we aren’t kids now?”
“You know what I meant Levi; 14-year-olds don’t win the Hunger Games.”
“Never know,” he whispered. “Could have at least got Isabel out maybe, would have saved Furlan going in.”
“I wouldn’t have let you.” I shoved some thread in a draw violently, refusing to look at him.
“You couldn’t have stopped me-” He began but noticed my shaking form.
My hands were stuck to the draws, knuckles white. My eyes were squeezed shut, facing the brick wall in front of me, barely aware of anything except for him. I fastened my eyes closed, trying to not let anything out, but I could feel my tears pooling in my eyelashes. “Please not today Levi, just not today,” I whispered.
I heard footsteps, he turned me around and held my head to his chest, taking on the vibrations of my shakes and resting his chin on my head. It was a position we had both become far too accustomed to. I could feel his apology as he rubbed small circles into my upper back as I gripped tightly onto his shirt, terrified to let go. He rocked left and right on his feet gently, letting the small sound of our footsteps fill up the deafening silence.
Levi ducked under the wire as I held it up, me looking around for any stray peacekeepers. Once he got out, we changed roles and I slid between the wires, knocking the metal sign reading “ELECTRIC FENCE: ANY TRESSPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED” with my foot; a sign many had learned to ignore.
We made our way into the trees and up the hill, but not too far so we’d have time to get back. We followed the small creek as we went. I jumped over the rocks absentmindedly, careful not to slip. Levi watched me quietly as he walked on the grass just in case he needed to catch me. Even though it had only been once, it was enough to be engrained in him. I saw him hold himself back from picking up the herbs we passed, a task that had become therapeutic to him, instead he picked a flower twiddling it between his fingers. It was a yellow daisy, well it wasn’t actually a daisy, it had some other weird name I couldn’t remember. Its yellow petals ended in soft curves but stuck in the middle was its black pollen in a little circle, catching the eye. Levi looked down at it softly.
We finally arrived at the grassy hill, I hopped off a rock and walked with him. We sat down and looked over the district. I always liked coming up there, though the walk was small it always made District Twelve look so tiny, so insignificant in the grand scheme of everything. It still made a nasty grey stain on the landscape though. At least there wasn’t much smoke today as people stopped work early, it made the air feel a little clearer.
My fingers caressed the blades of grass around me as I leant back my head and closed my eyes under the sun. Levi sat next to me leaning on his knees, eyes still on the flower. I rolled my head over and looked at him.
“I’m sorry I got mad at you before.” He looked up in mild surprise. “I just get scared.”
He gave a small nod.
I hesitantly put my head on his shoulder as we looked over the town. I felt him shift underneath to compensate and nestle me further into his neck more comfortably. Levi wasn’t one for physical affection, but it seemed today he had made an exception.
The wind brushed against us and made our hair dance gently in the wind. I could hear his gentle and slow heartbeat. I closed my eyes and just listened to the world around us. I could hear the mockingjays tweet their little song, no doubt having picked it up from some miner. It was good.
After a while, Levi spoke. “We have to head back.”
I groaned as I lifted my head and wiped my eyes groggily. “What would happen if we just slept up here for the rest of the day? What’s the likelihood of them missing us, huh?” I tried to bargain.
“We can’t get the tesserae if we don’t,” he argued back, lifting himself from the ground and dusting his pants off.
“Yeah, yeah, and you’ll get your stupid thirty lots of it.” I grabbed his extended hand which picked me up, nearly throwing me off balance with his strength. I quickly dusted myself off and look up to see him holding his flower to me.
“A gift?” I said in fake shock, holding a dainty hand to my chest, hopefully covering for my rapidly rising blush.
He rolled his eyes. “Accessory.”
I raised an eyebrow.
He stepped closer and my breath hitched. He tenderly moved my hair out of the way of my ear and gently slid the stalk of the flower in. He silently arranged my hair around it so it wouldn’t crush it and stepped back to admire his work. I attempted to form words in my head, trying to pinpoint something to say.
“See? Even you can look pretty,” Levi joked, a cocky smirk coming to his lips.
I pouted and narrowed my eyes at him, happy for an out. “Rude.” An idea popped into my head. “But you need one too,” I said smugly.
“I do not.”
“Do too.” I grinned.
I ran off with him begrudgingly following me as I searched the path back. With a chuckle I skipped over and plucked one dramatically, offering it to him. “We have to match,” I declared.
He rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue, crossing his arms. A second passed. “Well are you going to put it on or what?”
Baffled that he was actually letting me, I walked over, making sure to seize the moment while I had it. I gently brushed his raven hair away and placed the flower gingerly on his ear, the petals caressing his face, the yellow clashing against his pale skin. I took a step back and give him a soft smile. “See? Even you can look pretty.”
Even Levi couldn’t help himself but to release a small smile at that.
We each held two buckets of water as we walked through the town back home. The line at the pump had taken forever, but what else is there to expect on reaping day?
I nudged open the door and put down the water on the table, Levi following in suit. I quickly put three of the buckets on the stove to heat up and boil. Levi wiped down the inside of our wooden tub, adamant to find any speck that dared to cross him.
“You first yeah?” I asked as I set out our clothes on the bed.
“You,” he said simply.
“For someone who’s such a clean freak I do not understand how you manage to share water.”
Soon I got the water and poured them in after Levi was satisfied. The steam rose up and hit us in the face, already creating little droplets on our foreheads.
As if on cue, Levi turned away and draped the curtains across our window as he did so. I quickly got rid of my clothes and plopped myself into the bath, giving myself a moment to get used to the temperature. I let out a sigh as Levi took a seat on one of the stools still facing away to give me privacy.
We stayed in a comfortable silence as I scrubbed myself down using the soap and thick brush Levi had left beside me. Every time I used it, I always wondered if it was meant to be for horses, but either way it did the job. It always shocked me how much dirt was caked into my skin from everyday life. I had tried my best to get rid of as much as I could before I went in, but some still bled into the water around me. Scrubbing the bottom of my feet was always the worst part, the bristles always attempted to tickle me, I had to muster some self-control not to flinch away every time.
I was nearly done but left my back as usual. “Levi?” I said into the air.
As usual he dragged his stool over, careful to stay straight behind me to miss any parts of myself I would want to avoid him seeing. I held up the brush, making sure soap and water was soaking it already. He moved my hair out of the way and began scrubbing my back. I leant forward, giving him full access as I drifted into relaxation. I always managed to forget how gentle of a person Levi was in between knife fights in alleys and beat ups at school. Most would guess he didn’t have one bone in his body that wasn’t manufactured for sending kicks and punches and slashes. It felt special to see him like this. Like he was my own private Levi, one that no one else would get to have the pleasure to see. All I wanted to do to was keep him all to myself.
“You didn’t even do your hair right, it’s still shitty,” Levi insulted.
I turned to poke out my tongue at him and he immediately closed his eyes making me laugh. “Such a gentleman,” I joked.
“Done?” He said, eyes still fastened shut.
“Yeah, yeah,” I turned back around.
He started threading his fingers through my hair, tugging gently through knots. I closed my eyes and held my knees to my chest drunk from the touch. Soon his hands left, and my head felt empty. Taking it as my cue to get out, I quickly squeezed out the water from my hair and got dressed.
We were always meant to look nice on reaping day, like it was a wedding and not a funeral. I quickly put on the full-length blue dress I put on every year like clockwork. It was the only thing I had left of my mother. I would wear it until I no longer could.
As soon I was dressed, I took Levi’s place on the stool at the table, looking out of the window that peaked out from under the curtain. I tried to direct my focus to the people moving outside, some going home to get dressed up, others leaving home to get to the town centre early to miss the imminent lines. But as try as I might, I couldn’t help but pick up the sounds of Levi shedding his clothes behind me. It always managed to fluster me without fail and I was thankful for always having my back to him when he did it.
Water splashed. An exhale. A silence. Scrubbing.
After a while it stopped. “Need help?” I asked.
He hummed.
I made my way over, following the same as he did before, careful to avoid looking at him in any way that could make him uncomfortable. He passed up the brush. I flickered a few bristled with my thumb before getting to work. It went quiet as he leant into my touch. I steadied him with one hand on his back, as I scrubbed as hard as I could, knowing Levi would literally rather be red and have sensitive skin than dirty. I looked up and spotted a small leaf in the back of his hair that he had managed to miss.
“You didn’t even do you hair right,” I mimicked in a deep voice which elicited a low chuckle.
I picked the leaf out and reached down to the soap, making sure my hands were slathered in it. I slid my fingers into his hair and began massaging his scalp, getting the soap as deep into his roots as I could. He let out a quiet hum and closed his eyes.
It felt so peaceful and natural being there. But I couldn’t help but wish it were different, like my brain was trying to sour the mood. I couldn’t help but wish this close moment was more than what it was. Not platonic affection, though to be fair it was teetering on the edge, but it wasn’t a definite. It was too tender and intimate for my stupid heart to handle. But the atmosphere felt slightly different today, slightly off in a way I couldn’t manage to pinpoint, but a good difference, nevertheless. It felt like it meant something.
Soon he was dressed too, fitted into his white shirt and black pants that I had managed to tailor to actually fit him properly. He adjusted his cuffs as I quietly admired him.
“You look nice,” I said quietly making him look up in slight surprise. I was unsure whether it was my imagination that I saw a slight red dust on his cheeks as he turned away with a click of his tongue. I would have poked fun at him, but I felt too nervous and jittery to do even that.
He looked back at me, and wandered his eyes up and down me, following every part of my body. I stood stone still as blood rushed to my cheeks. He looked back up to my wide eyes. “You too.” Man, what this boy does to me.
We were about to leave when out of the corner of my eye I saw yellow on the table. I quickly picked up the two flowers, sliding one in behind my right ear, before running up to Levi. I put it in his breast pocket and patted it in place gently.
“I won’t force it behind your ear so you’re not embarrassed,” I poked my tongue at him.
I could see him itching to argue but I could tell he was thankful I hadn’t forced it on his head like an overbearing mother.
We headed out the door and followed along in silence behind the other people in front of us. Older siblings held the hands of their younger sisters and brothers who were shaking, some who were obviously having their first reaping. A girl was consoling her little brother who was sobbing on the footsteps of their home. Parents looked gaunt and sickly as their only child walked bravely in front of them, though their shaking hands were visible from a mile away. They were just kids. Kids.
It made me sick to my stomach.
Fear seemed to hit me out of nowhere and suddenly it was hard to keep up with his slow walking. Putting one foot in front of the other suddenly seemed like a daunting task. Levi looked at me concerned, I swallowed and gave him a small smile, but my jaw and face felt tight.
“It’s your second last year,” he reminded me, bumping his shoulder into mine.
“Second last year,” I repeated. Two years from now I would be nineteen and no longer qualify, Levi wouldn’t qualify after this one, all I had to do was get through this reaping and the next and we were golden. Just had to get through this.
I looked up and took a deep breath. “Race you back home after?” I managed out, accompanying it with a half-smile.
Levi didn’t fall for my deflection for two seconds. “Nothing bad’s going to happen to you brat.”
“Then you better not do anything stupid.”
We finally made it to the town centre meaning we would have to separate. We stopped and he looked at me, patting his chest just below the flower gently and with my index finger I tapped my ear with smirk. We split ways into our designated halves
Soon we got in the lines, my eyes burrowed into the back of the girl in front of me. “Next.” Eventually I got to the front where the lady in a sleek grey peacekeeper’s uniform was at her table, not even looking at me when she called. I held out my hand like clockwork and she pricked my finger making me wince. A beep came from her small machine, she looked at her device and then to her list curiously. She looked up for a moment, her dead eyes analysing me for a forever stretching moment. “Next.”
My heart dropped as I left the line. I was on auto pilot as I was guided towards the 17-year-olds section which they kept near the back so they could have the cute young kids at the front to somehow try and make it feel any less horrifying. I looked across and made eye contact with Levi. I tried to smile but my energy was being drained fast. I just wanted him to be next to me and bully me to distract me. For him to make shitty jokes that weren’t even funny. For him to just tell me it would be okay.
I looked up and watched as a crew set up the cameras around the area. One was looking right at the 17-years-olds girl’s group from above. I could see some other girls shifting uncomfortably, noticing it too. It felt wrong.
I looked up to the stage and saw the infamous Hanji Zoe sitting in a chair by herself on the right of stage, waiting for the mayor and his family to join her. I could see her joking with the peacekeeper next to her who was trying his best to ignore her. She was pretty well liked among the district, always making sure to come down to the hub to buy stuff, I was fairly sure she had bought from me once. A squirrel or something. Though usually she’d head home with as many bottles as she could carry. She was the only victor we had left alive, which wasn’t exactly a great feat to be fair, we had only won three times or so. We had had a thirty-year gap of no victors until she won a few years ago. Everyone but her was surprised it had seemed, the announcer had had to wait to double check she was the only one left. Maybe it was the fact she was from Twelve, or maybe it was the fact she killed the last four in one go.
A year or so after she won, she took over being the reaper and announcer as well as being a mentor. The Capitol apparently had found her a lot more entertaining to watch than old Nick who didn’t seem to be able to differentiate a boring lecture to an adrenaline pumping battle cry. I’d rather have my name called out by her than some Capitol asshole anyway.
Soon the mayor and his family walked out and took their seats. The crowd went quiet, save a few murmurs. I made eye contact one last time with Levi before looking back to stage as Hanji walked up to the microphone.
“Good evening ladies and gentlemen,” Hanji said, “Today’s the day to kick off our 67th Hunger Games! Who’s ready!” The crowd remained silent except for a small rapid clap from Nick who I had failed to notice was still here, despite his unnecessary need to be present. “Wow tough crowd.” That elicited some chuckles.
“Before we begin the beloved ceremony, we need to watch a real empowering and touching video the Capitol has put together so kindly for us,” Hanji mocked, knowing she could milk the time on stage to try and alleviate our stress before we were live. “Here! We! Go!” she pointed dramatically up to the screen set up for us which began to play.
Melodramatic imagery began to play as the narrator, with an obviously altered voice to make him sound cooler, spouted out their propaganda script. I looked to Levi as I mouthed word for word the video, making funny faces in attempt to get a little smile. I saw him purse his lips and that was enough for me. The video ended without incident, and a man behind the camera facing up to Hanji indicated it was show time.
Her face fell and she took a deep breath. Even Hanji couldn’t find a way to make it any less terrifying. I swore I could hear a thirteen-year-old stifle his sobs to my right. “It is now time to reap our valiant boy and girl to represent our district in this year’s games.” She looked over the crowd gently. “May the odds be ever in your favour. As usual, ladies first.”
She walked over to the clear bowl filled with names. I instinctively touched the flower behind my ear, rubbing a petal between my fingers. My eyes never left her hand which hesitated above the papers before deciding on one and slowly pulling it out.
My heart was pumping so hard it was impossible that no one else heard it. I tried to calm my breathing, but I felt the little red light of the camera glaring right at me. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at Levi, too afraid that if I did, I would run.
Hanji reached her mic. “The female tribute is…” She opened the paper, reading it, making sure she knew how to pronounce it and stepped forward. Her lips nearly touching the metal.
The single sound of my full name filled the square.
It was so quiet, so overwhelmingly quiet.
It felt like the blood had stopped in my veins. My legs were going to give out underneath me at any moment. With shaking hands, I gripped onto my dress. Around me, the girls parted, giving me a path out. I managed a step and then another, gradually getting out onto the dirt path. Two keepers followed behind me and piloted me to the stairs. Hanji met me there and extended a hand in comfort. I took it and noticed how dull my hand looked, like it was devoid of blood. She gently pulled me towards centre stage to show me to the camera.
My eyes searched the crowd and found Levi looking at me in what I couldn’t describe as anything else but cold despair. I saw the boys around him giving him a look.
Something changed behind Levi’s eyes and my body went cold. I continued staring at him as Hanji walked over to the boy’s bowl.
Don’t, I tried to say, don’t you dare Levi.
I shook my head at him desperately, but he had made up his mind, and Levi was a stubborn man.
Hanji came back, name in her hand. It didn’t really matter who she called up; it was going to be the same person no matter what.
You told me you wouldn’t do anything stupid.
He looked me dead in the eye and patted his breast pocket.
A noise came out of Hanji, a name I assumed, I couldn’t even say for sure. All I knew was that a sixteen-year-old boy was frozen in fear in his section, boys began parting ways for him to give him space. But before he had even managed to take a step, Levi walked out of his section to a path where a duo of peacekeepers tried to stop him, I could have sworn one of them was Hannes. He raised his hand solemnly. I bit my lip to choke down my sobs.
“I volunteer.” If I had ever been a millisecond away from a break down, it was then. His deep voice rang across the square, a camera quickly found him and followed behind as he walked up to the stage. He never broke eye contact with me. I could feel my lip trembling, waiting to give out.
Don’t let them see you weak, I could hear him say, sending out the message across the empty space between us. They don’t deserve it.
I took a deep breath and straightened my back, making my expression and emotions become shut away, at least for now. We extended our arms and shook hands like we had seen a million times before. His warm calloused hand felt at home in mine, but as quick as it was there, it departed. We both turned and faced the camera. It wouldn’t take a genius Capitol audience to notice the matching flowers.
Hanji continued talking, but it all just sounded like white noise. Suddenly she stopped and I focused my eyes back in. One by one, the kids in the audience and the parents and adults behind, thumped and held their fist to their heart. The only time you usually ever saw it was at a funeral, especially of someone you greatly respected. The last time I had seen someone do it, it was at the mass funeral after the mine explosion. It had been all my sob wracked body had managed to do. At first, when I stood upon that stage, I had been confused.
But ah, don’t you get it? This is your funeral, and Levi has decided to join you in the grave.