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The time the Grammy winner for their category was announced, the members were all being recorded. To be completely honest, Jungkook kind of wanted to cry, but that would have been totally inappropriate. He knew the chances of them winning the Grammy were pretty low, simply because they weren't American. Namjoon had warned them of that - told them to not be surprised if they didn't win solely.
Still, the “I told you” he muttered out when they lost the Grammy hurt. As soon as they got some time off and to go back to their dorms, Jungkook went and locked himself in his room. He could hear the other members preparing their lunch, but he didn't want to do anything productive. The band had even gotten up at two in the morning just to get ready and all for absolutely nothing.
The youngest member wasn't naive; he knew that the Grammys had a history of xenophobia toward all people of color, and that for their first ever year being nominated, the chances of them being favored by the academy were low. He knew that he shouldn't be bitter and should instead focus on lifting the spirits of all of the angry ARMYs around the world, but he couldn't help but be extremely bitter.
Statistically, Dynamite had done so much better than Rain on me. Jungkook loved Ariana and had nothing against her, but Rain on me wasn't even on the charts. Dynamite had been on the Hot100, had topped tens of other charts, and what do they get? Absolutely nothing.
Before long, angry tears of frustration were bubbling over his lash line and spilling onto his hands. Jungkook decided that instead of attempting to deal with it, he would just sleep it off and get some rest before the band decided to go on Vlive for their fans. A knock on his door pushed him out of the concentration he had on wrapping himself into a burrito blanket.
“Jungkook? Food’s ready, come down and eat,” Jin’s voice called from outside.
Jungkook decided to just not give any response, hoping Jin would get the hint and leave him alone. The youngest member tended to bottle up his emotions and stew with them by himself instead of letting others help him with it.
“Kook? Are you sleeping? I'm coming in.”
No such luck, it seems. Jin opened the door gently and peeked his head in.
“Are you sleeping?” He whispered out.
“Obviously not,” Jungkook grumbled. He was wrapped tightly in the blanket and the only part of him exposed to Jin was a peek of his toes and the top half of his face. Jin smiled softly and walked into the room fully, closing the door behind him. He rounded the bed, stopping at where Jungkook’s feet were to tuck his toes in, and sat down next to him.
“Food’s ready, are you not hungry?”
“No,” Jungkook deadpanned. His back was to Jin, so the latter couldn't see his face.
“Mm. You okay?” Jin reached his arm forward and gently brushed some of the strands of hair out of Jungkook’s eyes.
“Yes.”
“None of that, Kook, we’ve talked about letting your emotions out,” Jin softly chided.
Jungkook scoffed, “What would you know?”
“What would I know about what?”
“Stupid Grammys.”
“Is that what this is about? Kook, there's always next year. It’s the first time we were ever nominated, of course the chances of us winning were low. Besides, it just means we have to try harder next year.”
Jungkook felt his irritation rise even more.
“Tch, what would you know about working even harder, huh? You don't even do anything, how do you expect us to win a Grammy with that? Maybe if we all put in the same amount of work, we could have stood a chance!” He blurted out without thinking. Jungkook’s head was clouded with anger, he wasn't even sure of what he was saying by that point, just knew that he had some outlet to let his frustrations out.
“And also, it wasn't because we don't work hard, but because the Grammys are a bunch of xenophobic idiots! And if you weren't so stupid, you would know that! Who cares how hard we work, it would never be enough!” Jungkook practically yelled.
Apart from the sounds of Jungkook's heavier than normal breathing, the room was silent for a minute. Jin smiled. A sad smile, that didn't reach his eyes or hold any of the usual emotion it normally did.
“I'm gonna let you go back to sleep,” He began, making Jungkook’s head snap up to him. “Leftovers will be in the fridge if you want some later,” Jin stood up from the bed and walked to the door, only pausing for a moment at the doorway before leaving closing it behind him.
It took Jungkook a few minutes and deep breaths to realize what he had just done. He had called Jin, his oldest hyung, stupid and told him he doesn't work as hard as the rest of them. Jin hyung. The same guy who cooked every meal for him before and after school when he was younger and still had time to do extra vocal and dance practice to catch up with the rest of them. The same guy who takes care of him to this day when he's sick and rewards him with sweets if he took his medicine, despite him being old enough to handle it. The same guy who coddles him after a nightmare and always makes sure that his bed in hotels doesn't irritate his sensitive nose. And even while doing all of that for Jungkook and the other members, he still keeps his smile bright.
And what does Jungkook repay him with? Ungrateful insults.
The maknae felt the guilt of his actions practically eating him out from inside. He wanted to rip the stupid blanket off of himself and run to the kitchen, where he could beg on his knees for forgiveness, but he didn't. He knew that if he did, Jin would forgive him right away, even if he didn't deserve it. Because that’s just how Jin is—someone who gives, gives, gives, and never asks for anything in return. No matter what Jungkook did, it wouldn't be enough to make up for what he should have done in the first place.
He felt tears running down his face again, but for a completely different reason than they were previously. Maybe this was good, he thought. This is what he deserved, isn't it? To cry in guilt and misery because of how rude and bratty he had been?
Eventually, he ended up falling into a fitful sleep. Taehyung woke him up a few hours later to watch their performance on the Grammys and get their kitchen set up for the Vlive later. Jungkook felt how puffy his eyes were and kept his head down. He didn't want Jin to see him; he knew if the elder did, he would run to him and make sure he was okay. Jungkook didn't believe he deserved that.
He followed the others’ instructions quietly and quickly, finishing the balloons and setting their cake up like he was told to do. Taehyung had attempted to lighten his mood, but he didn't continue any conversations with him, so Taehyung backed off eventually.
Jungkook noticed, however, that Jin was also uncharacteristically calmer than normal. He would typically be making jokes and loudly talking with the other members but now, he just threw them the occasional smile and offhand comment.
The live was very hard to focus on when Jin was so close to him. Jungkook wanted to tease him, maybe lighten the mood with an occasional joke or two directed at Jin, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He had caused enough harm already. As soon as the live ended, the members let Jimin go to sleep, as he was almost asleep already, while the rest of them cleaned up. Cleaning was easier than setting up, and eventually, the rest of the members began leaving one by one to their rooms. When only some of the dishes were left, Jungkook and Jin had been the last ones awake. Jungkook because he had slept earlier that day and Jin because he normally went to bed later and didn't want to mess his sleep schedule up.
“I'm almost done here, so you can go shower, Jungkook,” Jin instructed with his back turned to Jungkook as he washed a plate.
“I can help you dry the dishes,” Jungkook offered.
“I'm fine.”
“Or I can wipe down the table, or throw the trash out, or-”
“Go shower, Jungkook,” Jin sternly stated, not leaving any room for discussion. The youngest resigned and shuffled away. If Jin didn't want him helping, he wouldn't push.
Hours after he had showered and climbed into bed, Jungkook still couldn't fall asleep. He wasn't sure if it was because he had messed his sleep schedule up or if he felt bad, but he assumed it was the latter. Instead of laying there uselessly, Jungkook got up and put his slippers on, quietly making his way through the hall and to Jin’s room on the other side of the dorm. It was weird to walk around in the middle of the day and for the dorm to be that quiet.
He stopped in front of the door. Suddenly, he wasn't twenty three year old idol Jeon Jungkook, but rather, five year old Kook. He felt like he did when he broke his mom’s favorite plate from the set she had gotten for her anniversary. She looked at him in disappointment and left him in the room by himself. She closed her room door and he had stood there thinking, does mommy still love me? When he had apologized, he felt guilty and ended up crying because he didn't think that an apology was enough.
Now wasn't any different, he realized. He had hurt his hyung, who had done so much for him. He didn't know how to make it up to the older, nor did he know if an apology was enough. It would be enough for Jin—it always had been—but would it be enough to get rid of the guilt sitting at the bottom of Jungkook’s gut?
Jungkook knocked softly and cracked the door open without hearing a response. Jin was on the bed in his comfortable home clothes, reading a book under a knit blanket one of the fans had gifted him years ago. He didn't spare Jungkook a glance as the latter walked closer and climbed onto the bed.
At first, Jungkook sat on the opposite side of the queen bed. As the minutes ticked by however, Jungkook felt more restless and inched closer to Jin. He ended up pressed right against the older. Jungkook didn't want to break the uncomfortable silence - he even breathed quieter and slower from his nerves. Very hesitantly, he shimmied down to lie fully on the bed and laid his head on Jin’s shoulder. He averted his attention to the book Jin was reading, hoping to just focus on that and remain in silence, but he lost concentration halfway through the first sentence.
He thought of anything he could say to break the ice; Jin wasn't giving a single response and acting like he wasn't even there.
“Hyung?” He mumbled from Jin’s shoulder.
No response came. Jungkook decided to just swallow up his pride and apologize upfront without stalling.
“I'm sorry, hyung, I didn't mean what I said. You're not stupid, I don't even know why I said that, and you work harder than the rest of us. We’re all really thankful for you, you do so much for us and bangtan and ARMY. I just- I’m really sorry. There's no excuse for why I said what I said.”
A few minutes passed and Jin gave no indication that he had heard or listened to Jungkook.
“...Hyung?” Jungkook looked up at Jin from his shoulder. Jin’s eyes were still going over the lines on the book.
“Okay,” Jin replied after a while. He didn't say anything after that. Jungkook didn't move, choosing to remain in the reestablished silence.
He wasn't sure how long they sat there, but at some point, Jin got up from the bed. Jungkook went into a small panic, thinking Jin was going to kick him out, but the latter simply walked out of the room. Jungkook dutifully followed him at a safe distance and arrived at the kitchen. He saw Jin reaching for the kettle and turning it on, so he assumed the older was making himself tea.
At this moment, probably the worst time, Jungkook’s stomach decided to give him a reminder that he hasn't eaten yet. He covered his stomach with his arms and curled in on himself in shame. Being hungry wasn't a big deal, but he couldn't possibly make himself the center of attention again - he had already bothered Jin so much. He sat down on one of the chairs and kept his eyes trained on the wood of the table in front of him, listening to the sounds of Jin pattering around the kitchen. The fridge had been opened at some point, containers opened, fridge opened again, the microwave turned on, the kettle turned off, cabinets opened and closed.
Before long, a plate of warm food was placed in front of Jungkook, a fork already in there. Jungkook recognized it to be the leftovers Jin had told him about earlier that day. He felt absolutely horrible. Despite being angry at him, Jin had gotten him food like he always does. He looked up to see Jin leaving the kitchen with his tea in his hand and his eyes filled with traitorous tears, his lip quivering.
As fast as he could, Jungkook shoveled the food into his mouth. He took a minute to appreciate just how good it tasted, but other than that, he was speeding through his lunch. Within the next few minutes, he was done and washing his plate in the sink. He bound up the stairs and apprehensively let himself into Jin’s room again, sitting down next to him the same way he did before.
This time, he couldn't stop the lump in his throat from making tears run down his face. He let out a wet sniffle that he tried to keep quiet but failed in doing so. Jungkook tried to make himself calm down overall, but that didn't work and instead, he felt himself crying even more. God, this was so embarrassing for him. Why couldn't he just have left Jin alone and sat with his guilt in his own room? Why did he feel the need to go into Jin’s room and end up crying like a child?
In the end, Jungkook found himself sobbing his heart out into Jin’s shoulder as every other fully grown, famous, and rational man does. He didn't notice as Jin closed his book and placed it on the bedside table. He didn't notice as Jin reached over and grabbed his discarded blanket from the other side of the bed, and he didn't notice as said blanket was draped over him.
What he did notice, however, was being pulled fully on top of Jin. He noticed his oldest hyung’s arms that wrapped around him tightly like they always did when he had a nightmare or a bad day. He noticed the light kiss that was placed on the crown of his head, serving to make him cry even more.
“I’m s-so-orry, h-hyu-ng,” he hiccuped out miserably.
“It’s okay, Kookie, I forgive you. You learned your lesson, hmm?” Jin calmed into his ear. Jungkook eagerly nodded into Jin’s neck. He hated disappointing his hyungs with a burning passion, but disappointing them and hurting them as well? That was something he would rather die than do again. Of course, it was bound to happen again sometime. No one can be perfectly calm and content their whole lives. But Jungkook vowed to think before he spoke as much as he possibly could from now on.
“I d-idn’t me-ean to sa-ay someth-thing li-ike th-th-at, I wa-as just ma-a-ad,” Jungkook wailed as quietly as he could.
“I understand, sweetheart. Today was a long day, hmm?” Jin cooed at him. The only time he had called one of the members a nickname like that had been years ago, when Jimin had a particularly bad day in regards to his mental health. Since then, he had always called all of the members by their names or similar nicknames. A name like ‘sweetheart’ was reserved for only the times when the members were feeling particularly distressed, which, judging by the frequency of its use, isn't very often.
However, it worked wonders in the situation. As soon as the nickname registered in his brain, Jungkook’s cries began to quiet and calm down, a furious blush taking over his face instead. Jin ran his hand through Jungkook’s hair, further soothing him.
The two of them sat in that position for a long period of time, Jungkook’s hiccups slowly fading out with each minute. Only once he was fully calm did Jungkook ask the dreaded question that had been lolling around in his mind the whole day.
“Hyungie?”
“Yeah?” Jin tiredly responded.
“Do you- will you love me again?” Jungkook rushed out to say, sounding so much younger than he is. “I'll never do something like that ever again, I promise.”
He held his pinky finger up for Jin to see. The elder smiled softly, taking the outstretched pinky into his own and knocking the pads of their thumbs together.
“Always, Kookie. I've never stopped.”
Jungkook smiled softly and nuzzled his head farther into Jin’s shoulder blade.
“I still hate the Grammys, though,” he grumbled.
“Oh, me too. Stupid Scammys. Next year, we can mass conspire against them and get them permanently cancelled or something. I won't even stop you if you wanted to publicly talk trash about them,” Jin suggested.
Yeah , Jungkook thought with relief, everything is back to normal.