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It is decided.
Ye Bai Yi is tired of the youth especially one Wen Ke Xing. Lately, all that utterly shameless, lunatic of a man, Wen Ke Xing, has been doing is crying about how it’s near impossible for him and his beloved A-Xu to decide their, ahem, sexual preferences in the bedroom.
As if Ye Bai Yi needs to know any of this.
Clearly it doesn’t involve him nor does he want it to. But that Wen Ke Xing has been coming to him, Ye Bai Yi, the immortal legend, to whine about his problems.
They really don’t have that sort of relationship. He doesn’t understand what’s going on around in that arrogant kid’s head.
He sighs, taking a sip of his wine as he spots the familiar green robes that could only belong to one Wen Ke Xing. The wine no longer has the sweet, fragrance taste it had before.
“Old monster!” Wen Ke Xing props down before him, sighing very loudly. “When will I be able to savor the taste of my sweet, precious A-Xu? Pluck his fresh flower and let that divine fragrance linger on in the air? Of course, all just for me! No other man will ever get to taste that! I’ll kill any man who dares try to step into my territory! A-Xu is mine!”
What Ye Bai Yi wouldn’t do to just drop dead right now. Never in all of his hundred of years of living has he ever met an insufferable, utterly despicable character such as Wen Ke Xing.
Ye Bai Yi closes his eyes briefly, hoping that by when he reopens them, Wen Ke Xing would disappear from his view. He doesn’t. That crazy lunatic is still there.
Maybe if he doesn’t pay attention to him, then the kid would go away. Yes, that is what Ye Bai Yi is going to do. Only if the idiot would stop uttering such shameless things about Zhou Zi Shu.
“Hey, old monster!” Wen Ke Xing’s eyes get big and crazy.
Oh great, Ye Bai Yi thinks, he’s staying. Wonderful. I’ve lived for a hundred years to meet this fool and hear all about his intimate life. What does Qin Huaizhang’s disciple even see in him?
“Old monster!” Wen Ke Xing is anything but patient when it comes to his beloved A-Xu. “How dare you try to ignore me when I’m pouring out my heart to you! I-I will—“
Ye Bai Yi rolls his eyes and continues sipping his tasteless wine.
“Hey old monster, I’m talking to you!” Wen Ke Xing flips the table over, wasting a perfectly good lunch. All that delicious food and wine. Ye Bai Yi’s heart breaks a little at the sight.
Finally, knowing that he’s defeated and the baseless fool is going nowhere, Ye Bai Yi turns around and gives his “undivided attention” to that crazy lunatic.
Sighing, he says, “When did I ever say you were welcome to seek me out whenever you want? I didn’t, you crazy fool. Perhaps you didn’t hear me the first time, so I’ll repeat myself, Wen Ke Xing, I’ve no time to listen to your nonsensical whims, not now, not ever. Now scram.”
“But old monster, I’m a lonely orphan,” Wen Ke Xing begins, fanning himself, “without no-one in the world. No good role model. Can you really find it in your heart to abandon this lonely orphan? As much as I hate to admit it, I… you’re like a father to me. And since you’re my father, old mon— Senior Bai Yi, you have to listen to my nonsensical whims.”
Ye Bai Yi opens his mouth and snaps it closed just like that. Oh hells, where did this little idiot even come from?
“Hah, your father.” He laughs, quite heartily, gripping at his chest. “You little fool, I’d rather spend an eternity in hell than have you as my son. Tsk, tsk, this stupid little fool.”
Wen Ke Xing looks a little hurt at Ye Bai Yi’s words, not that Ye Bai Yi is affected by that at all. He really isn’t. Why would he be? He doesn’t consider that Wen Ke Xing, or even Qin Huaizhang’s disciple, or their little Chengling, his family. He doesn’t. Truly.
“Ah, I see, old monster.” Wen Ke Xing reaches into his robes and pulls out a few silver coins. “I finally know how you truly felt about me. I wouldn’t bother you anymore. Like little ole’ me needs an old graying man like you in my life anyway.” He laughs, but it sounds dull, lifeless, almost sad.
Ye Bai Yi sighs a little. He should let the fool walk away, but his heart twitches a little at that thought. Damn him and his sentimental self now.
“Wen Ke Xing,” he calls out, knowing very well he is making a big, dumb mistake right now. “Since you’re so generous to pay for my lunch, perhaps it’s only fair for me to lend you my ears for a little while. Don’t abuse my good nature, or the deal is off the table.”
Wen Ke Xing beams up, his eyes getting wide and big as a puppy. And just like that, he props himself down just next to Ye Bai Yi, even taking an extra step to move their chairs even closer to each other. As if they didn’t just had a— oh no, the fool was, no, is playing him.
He is too old for this shit.
“A-Xu says he’d let me bed him if I bested him in martial arts,” Wen Ke Xing says much to Ye Bai Yi’s dismay. He doesn’t want to hear about this again. “I did, I came out on top. Just barely, of course, my A-Xu wasn’t easy to beat. But I won, fair and square, and we still can’t decide who should be,” his voice gets louder, “you know, on the top and the bottom.”
Ye Bai Yi spits out his wine. Great, just how wonderful. I should have stayed hidden away in the mountains living a lonely and bitter life alone. Then I wouldn’t have to listen to this fool defiling Qin Huaizhang’s disciple like this.
“I don’t know what to do, old monster.” His voice is on the verge on crying. Is the little fool crying now? Over this? “I want to be connected both body and soul with my A-Xu. I know I’m not worthy of his love or affections, but he… he’s my soulmate, the one I’m destined to be with. And he feels the same for me. I truly love him with all my heart, soul, and body. Yet I can’t be with him fully because—” He sniffles. “—we can’t decide on this particular issue. Before A-Xu, I’ve been with men before, and I was always on the top. I don’t know if I can be on the receiving end.”
Ye Bai Yi tries to ignore all the turned heads staring right in their direction. Eyes big as a whale, mouth opened as wide as a gaping fish.
“You little fool,” Ye Bai Yi says exasperated. “Why must it matter who’s on the bottom and who’s on the top? Stop crying about it.”
“You don’t understand, old monster.” Wen Ke Xing is full on crying now. What in the hells is wrong with this fool? “My A-Xu is a great beauty, and I’m still unable to touch every inch of him, taste his ju—”
“I don’t need nor do I want to know. I’ve far more important things to do than listen to this shameless discussion about Qin Huai— Zhou Zi Shu.”
“But old monster, I have no one else to turn to! I can’t tell this to Cheng—”
Ye Bai Yi shakes his head. “Leave the little idiot out of this, you shameless man.”
“I would never.” Wen Ke Xing looks offended. “My Chengling is too precious. But you, old monster, you have to help my A-Xu and I decide who should be—”
“No!” His response is firm and hard. He isn’t getting involved in this.
“Old monster, you’re my father. You have to help me,” he pleads, getting down on his knees.
“I’m not your…” He kicks Wen Ke Xing when he pulls at his robes. “This is your and Zhou Zi Shu’s problem, not mine. Leave me out of it.”
“But father!”
“Don’t call me that!”
“Papa!”
“Shut up!”
“You have to help me, your precious little son.”
“You’re not my son.”
“Father, I can’t go on ike this. I need to have my A-Xu!” He pouts. “Haven’t you ever had someone, not as beautiful as my A-Xu though — nobody is as beautiful as my A-Xu — unless you’re, oh no—“ He places his hands over his mouth in a dramatic gesture. “You’re an old virgin?! We have to change that. I know plenty of young, beautiful ladies.”
Ye Bai Yi’s eyes pop in the back of his skull. “No.”
“Oh?” His lips curve upward into a devious, wicked smile. “I know plenty of attractive, handsome men who wouldn’t hesitate to deflower such a legend as you.”
What the what? Ye Bai Yi wants nothing more than to drive his sword deep into this little fool’s heart. How dare he say such shameless things? Ye Bai Yi isn’t an innocent blushing flower. And even if he is, that’s certainly none of Wen Ke Xing’s business! And his great love, the only one for him, has been long gone from this world.
“What kind of men do you like?” Wen Ke Xing continues. The little fool is still talking? “The strong masculine type. Hmm, I can see that. A mean-spirited, little boy toy like you needs to be taken down a notch by a strong and powerful man!”
“Wen Ke Xing!”
“Aww, you’re blushing,” he teases. “So adorable. Don’t worry, old monster, I’ll find you the perfect man, and maybe then you’ll stop being such a no-fun, boring old man.”
“You little fool, you’re utterly shameless.” Ye Bai Yi slaps himself on the forehead.
“Of course, I am. I’m rather proud of my shamelessness!” He smiles brightly.
“You, you—”
“So tell me what kind of men you like? I need to start my search in finding you the perfect man.”
“No, I don’t—“
“Don’t deny it. Trust me, the male’s body is quite beautiful. I’m not sure how it compares to the female’s body as I’ve never been with a woman before. I assure you, you wouldn’t be disappointed. As a matter of fact, I reckon you would even like it. Quite a lot. Of course, the most important thing is not sex. No, you need to find a man who will love you for being you, like my A-Xu!”
How did this discussion venter off into this shameless category? Ye Bai Yi sighs. He isn’t going to sit here any longer listening to this foolishness spoken by this fool.
Ye Bai Yi stands up to leave but he is stopped. Wen Ke Xing tugs at his sleeves like a child.
“Don’t leave. You still haven’t helped me out with my problem.” He is on the verge of crying. The fool is crying again, why? “It’s been a living hell to be—”
Ye Bai Yi sighs. “Since you’re so good at crying, why don’t you cry and then—” He can’t believe he’s suggesting this. “—you and Zhou Zi Shu can finally settle your issue.”
“What do you mean, old monster?” His face is perked up, far too interested and excited for Ye Bai Yi’s comfort.
“You’re a good crier.” I’m sorry, Zhou Zi Shu. “If you cried, you can convince Zhou Zi Shu to let you come out on top.”
Wen Ke Xing smiles brightly. “You sure it’s going to work? I don’t want to be the bottom. I’ve never been, you know, before. I’m not sure if I can…”
“Perhaps it will, perhaps not.” Ye Bai Yi shakes his head. This is ridiculous. Why does this idiot wants to be on the top so badly? “But best of all, you will stop troubling me with this particular issue, and I can finally be at peace.”
“Thank you, old monster!” He pulls Ye Bai Yi into a bone crushing hug. “After this issue is resolved with my A-Xu, I’ll find you your man, this I promise you. And I, Wen Ke Xing, never go back on my word.”
“What?” No, leave me alone, you little fool. I don’t want a—”
“Aww, don’t deny it. You’ll thank me when I find the perfect man for you. Do you prefer a younger man or an older man?” He winks. “Ah, I think younger, right?”
“Wen Ke Xing!”
“How about built? Body type? Personality? Martial arts abilities? Family—”
“Wen Ke Xing!” he yells, almost throwing his sword at the little fool.
“Alright, alright. I know when I’m not wanted. I’ll leave and go back to my A-Xu. But I promise you once we’re done, I’ll start searching for your perfect man,” he ends, fanning himself as he walks away.
Ye Bai Yi stands frozen in his spot. What has he gotten himself into this time? That little fool, surely he wouldn’t… who is he kidding, of course he is. How is this even his life? He sighs and calls the server over. He needs a drink. Badly. Desperately. His heart goes out to Zhou Zi Shu. That poor boy is going to get the shock of his life when that little fool returns home.