Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The castle shook as hulking stone golem stomped toward Princess Daisy, cracking his knuckles.

“Hand over the crown, Daisy!” he said. “It’s MY turn to be princess!”

“Ugggh!” Daisy groaned and slumped across her throne. This was the third time this month this idiot barged into her palace to challenge her.

“Just go home Hiyohoi!” she said. “Only the best of the best gets to be princess!”

“Yeah!” he shouted, slamming a thumb into his chest. “And that’s why it’s gotta be ME!”

Hiyohoi was a tottering granite maoi head in pointed sunglasses and spiked armbands who loved to throw his weight around. Daisy wanted to throw the idiot out, but he happened to be the leader of Easton, one of the four kingdoms of Sarsaland that made up her domain. There was no way to get rid of him without causing a scandal.

“You think you got the guts to be princess?” Daisy said. “Last I checked you need more than an out-of-control ego to do this job.”

“Funny,” Hiyohoi said. “I wouldn’t know it from watchin’ YOU.”

Daisy’s father doddered into the middle of the argument with his hands held out for peace.

“Now, now! There is no need for such bickering! Daisy has done a fine job as princess!”

Hiyohoi scoffed. “Yeah, sure. SUCH a good job. You know we look like a joke, right? The Mushroom Kingdom’s got more money and statues and bigger buildings too! With jobs in them! Probably! Next to all that we’re a third-rate nowhere nation! And it’s all thanks to our CURRENT princess here!”

Daisy got out of her chair, blood boiling at the comparison. “HEY! I’m working with what I’ve got here! We’re TINY compared to Toadstool’s empire! And hey, last time I checked? Tourism is UP!”

“Barely.” Hiyohoi shook his head in disgust. “Maybe we’d be doing better as a kingdom if you weren’t off wasting your time racing go-karts and playing sports.”

“Alright, now I know you’re trying to tick me off,” Daisy said. “You know the law, pebble brain! The greatest champion in Sarsaland rules the realm! That’s the Divine Right of Princess! I win competitions to PROVE I’m worthy to wear this crown! Unlike you.”

Hiyohoi smirked. “Is that so?”

He snapped his fingers and the door of the throne room burst open. In marched a parade of tokotoko, stone soldiers, each carrying a gold trophy for a variety of sporting events.

“Read ‘em and weep, ‘Princess,’” he said. 

Daisy descended the dais of her throne to examine the trophies. She flicked the metal, counted them, and checked the plaques for any obvious forgery.

“There was an arm-wrestling tournament?!” Daisy said, feeling robbed. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?!”

Hiyohoi’s smug expression hinted at subterfuge. It appeared the little king managed to find every obscure competition Daisy overlooked and kept that knowledge hidden from her. There was a foosball trophy, a ribbon for placing first in tiddlywinks, a hanafuda card tournament trophy, and a certificate announcing Hiyohoi as the winner for a national elementary school spelling bee, among other things. The most notable was a power moon awarded for placing first in the Shiverian Bounding Bowl.

“That’s twenty from this year,” Daisy said in disbelief. “Huh. That means you’re tied with me.”

Hiyohoi recoiled. “Wait, what?! When did you hit twenty?!”

Daisy snapped her own fingers. Nokobon turtle servants scurried in with her own collection of much larger and more impressive awards. “I just got back from that fencing tourney last week.”

Hiyohoi grimaced at her accolades in disappointment.

“Whatever. So we’re tied. That just means it’ll be put to a vote at the Council Meeting next week.”

“Oh? You think the other kings will vote for YOU?” Daisy laughed. “Bring it on, blockhead.”

 Hiyohoi sneered as he stormed out the throne room with his trophies in tow. “Just wait! You won’t be laughing when I’M the one wearing that dress.”

The doors of the throne room slid shut and Daisy felt the first itch of a panic attack. There was no way the other kings would vote for her. Granted, she brave, beautiful, cunning, and could double jump, but her diplomacy skills needed work. It would be easier to be polite to the kings if there was more than a couple brain cells between the four of them.

“This is bad,” she said.

“Oh my,” her father said. He had the fearful look of a man a little too comfortable with his silk robes and bulging waistline to consider life outside the palace. “What’re you going to do, Daisy?”

Daisy climbed back up to her throne and sat, fingers locked in thought.

“If that overgrown lawn ornament thinks he can win a few tournaments and steal my crown, he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with.” She turned towards the nearest nokobon, a pink-shelled bomb-turtle maid. “Bring me The Magazines.”

The servant scrambled out of the room and back, toting a stack of all the most recent game and sporting periodicals. Daisy thumbed through them, checking every event calendar for every Kingdom. All she had to do was win another tournament or two before the council meeting and there would be nothing to discuss. She was not about to let anyone hold a bigger high score.

She chucked the first few useless magazines aside. Everything was already over or else scheduled too far out. She grew anxious as the stack of magazines dwindled down to the last one.

“Here!” Daisy smacked the issue of Royal Academy Quarterly with the back of her hand. It was a full-page ad for a Celebrity Heroes Tennis Tournament for Charity. “I found it!”

She dropped the magazine as she made a break for the door. Father bent over to pick it up.

“Found what?” he said, oblivious. “Where are you going?”

“Marina Stadium!”

Chapter Text

Daisy slammed both hands onto the registration desk. “What’d you mean I don’t qualify?!”

M.C. Ballyhoo, the game host, looked up from his computer keyboard. He was a bigmouthed teal worm-man in a garish magenta suit.

“Yeah, look: See?” He rotated his monitor to show Daisy’s profile in the database. A big, animated gif banner covered it, flashing ‘NOT A HERO.’

“This is a special charity tournament to raise awareness for Blorbs disease,” he said. “Only heroes are allowed to compete.”

“How am I not a hero?!” Daisy shouted. “I’m a Super Star! You should know that! You announced me as a winner before!”

“Ehhh. Sorry. Ranking first in a Party ain’t quite the same thing as being a hero. We’re looking for BIG names for this event. The kinda folks people look up to, y’know? The sort that rescue people from peril and what not.”

Daisy leaned over the desk to snatch the computer mouse.

“Hey!” Ballyhoo said.

Daisy navigated to the registration list. Her eyes lit up at what she saw.

“Peach is on here,” Daisy said. “Are you telling me SHE’S a hero when she needs rescuing five times a week?”

“She’s done some rescuing!” Ballyhoo said. “Anyway, hasn’t Mario bailed you out too?”

“That was ONE TIME!” She folded her arms. “Don’t change the subject. Why does she get to be a hero?”

“Well, there was that weird time they switched things up and she saved Mario from Bowser. …Oh, and plus she helped out when Bowser attacked the Sprixie Kingdom.”

Daisy scrolled down to highlight Bowser’s name on the roster. “This guy? REALLY? How in the name of Star Hill does HE qualify and I don’t?! He literally and unironically calls himself a ‘bad guy!’”

Ballyhoo shrugged. “Still technically a hero. Remember that whole interdimensional war with the Smithy Gang?”

“Who?” Daisy said. “You’re making that up.”

“Well, it was all over the newspaper yonks back. The point is, we’re going by whether you’ve ever been a hero.”

Daisy scrolled to the bottom of the roster. “Wario too? Uggh! Are you kidding me!?”

“Accidental hero, I’ll admit. Bit of a strange call, but I don’t make the rules.” He leaned back in his chair. “If you don’t like it, maybe you should go save the day real quick so I can sign you up.”

Daisy stood there in a stunned, angry silence. She needed to win this tournament to keep her crown and now this rainbow circus bozo was not even letting her compete.

“I demand to speak to your manager!” Daisy said.

“Sure,” Ballyhoo said, pointing. “He’s right over there.”

Daisy looked further down the registration counter and saw Big Top, the magical talking top hat, busy talking to another customer.

“WHAAAAAAT’DYA MEAN I DON’T QUALIFY?!”

Daisy winced at the all-too familiar voice of that gangly freak Waluigi, who was dressed in his usual black overalls and harassing the helpless stadium manager with his unreasonable demands.

“Well, this is a tournament for heroes,” said Big Top. “And it says here dat you’ve never been a hero.” He flopped up against the keyboard, mashing the keys. “And actually, it says here you’re technically a villain.”

“That was ONE time!” Waluigi whined. “Give me a break!”

It was intolerable to watch. Daisy marched over to break up the embarrassing display.

“What’re you doing here, weirdo?” she said.

Waluigi gave her a sharp glare. “What’s it look like? I’m here to stomp you losers and win the tournament. But, big surprise, you’re all a bunch of cheats trying to stop the Great Waluigi from competing!”

“Sir,” Big Top said, wriggling across the countertop, “I’m gonna need ya to calm down or else I will hafta call security.”

Waluigi pounded a fist on the counter. “I’ll calm down when you admit to this conspiracy to get rid of me! Say it! You’re afraid I’ll level the playing field!”

“Knock it off, pointy!” Daisy said. “They just got a theme going this month. It’s not about you. Now hit the road so the real heroes like me can get on with it.”

Waluigi sneered. “As if a spoiled princess knows anything about heroism.”

“I’ll have you know that every princess is a hero to little girls,” Daisy said. “I’m an inspiration to every child who dreams of wealth and prestige.”

“Doesn’t count!” Ballyhoo called from across the room.

“Wah!” Waluigi said. “You think you can stop me from playing tennis?! Fool! You can’t stop me! No one can! I’m unstoppable! Because I’ll stop at nothing!”

A large, toned, mustachioed pianta in a security uniform waddled up behind Waluigi mid-rant. He was like a big nosed gummy bear jacked on steroids dressed in a black suit and grass skirt. He took Waluigi by the shoulder.

“Alright Mr. Purple,” he said. “We can do this the easy way or the hard way.”

Waluigi flailed in protest, forcing the pianta to pull him into a grapple.

“This is discrimination!” Waluigi shouted as he was hoisted up over the pianta’s shoulder. “Sports have nothing to do with your puritanical ideas of valor! Competition is a virtue onto itself! WAAAAHHH!!”

Daisy sighed with relief as Waluigi was thrown out and the door shut on him. She turned back to Big Top.

“You’re the manager?”

“That’s me,” Big Top said. “Hee hee!”

Daisy nodded. “I am certain that I meet all of the qualifications of a hero even if I have never been celebrated as one. My country, populated by tens-of-thousands mind you, is counting on me to represent them here. Now, I understand that rules and regulations are necessary, but I trust that you can look past your narrow-minded rulebook and do the right thing. Stop wasting our time, get back on that keyboard of yours, and edit your little computer registry so I can compete already!”

Ballyhoo and Big Top exchanged a tired sideways glance.

“SECURITY!” they said in unison.

Before she could react, Daisy was scooped up by the security pianta and hauled out the stadium’s front gate. She thrashed to escape the pianta’s clutches but could not break free.

“Unhand me you oaf! Who do you think you are?!”

There was a thoughtful pause from the thug. “I’m a chuckster.”

With that, he hurled Daisy down the alleyway behind the stadium where she landed square in a dumpster with a soft wet thwap.

Daisy bounced to lurch over the grimy rim of the dumpster to scream at him. “You can’t get away with treating me like this! I’m royalty!”

“That’s great Your Highness,” the pianta said. “Come back when you’re also a hero.”

Daisy watched the pianta waddle away, wondering if pummeling him would disqualify her from becoming a hero. There was no way the indignity of this could be more unbearable.

“Wahaha! Nice landing, princess. Love the new look.”

Daisy looked down to see Waluigi leaning against the side of the building, smirking at her. She dropped down over side of the dumpster and picked a stray banana peel off her dress.

“Laugh it up, creep,” she said. “They threw you out too.”

Waluigi rolled his eyes. “You think this is the first time they’ve kicked me out?” He lifted a conniving chin. “This is just a setback. I won’t take it lying down.”

Daisy laughed in his face. “Oh really? What’re you gonna do? Registration ends in a couple days. Everyone knows you’re a sneak. You gonna turn your whole reputation around before then?”

“Weh. It’s fine,” he said. “I got a plan.”

She paused. A plan was something she could use right about now. …Not that he needed to know that.

“Yeah right,” she said. “How is someone like you going to become a hero?”

Waluigi stuck his hands in his pockets to strut down the alley with her. “It’s simple. I just gotta find an adventure magnet. Someone like Mario. A schmuck like that saves the day so often he’ll hardly miss it if I swoop in and beat him to the punch. If I can figure out what he’s up to, I’ll hit that deadline no problem.”

That was genius. “That’s stupid,” Daisy said. “You’re stupid. You think you can just steal credit from someone and that’ll make you a hero? Ridiculous.”

Waluigi looked away. “I’m not in this to help people. I show up to these things to make a name for myself. If they think they can keep Waluigi out they got another thing coming. I’ll pull whatever stunt I need to and get the respect I deserve. Mark my words.”

“You disgust me,” Daisy said. “If you can’t take heroism seriously, you shouldn’t even be here. Just go home.”

Daisy spun on her heel and stormed out of the alley before Waluigi had a chance to say anything. She hurried out into the main plaza outside the stadium, which bustled with the foot traffic of toads, koopas, and yoshis. There, she pulled out her cell phone and dialed.

“This is the Mushroom Kingdom, Peach’s Castle reception! How may I direct your call?”

“This is Princess Daisy of Sarsaland,” she announced. “Put me through to your leader this instant or else I will have no choice but to declare war!”

“Okey doke, please hold for the Princess.”

Daisy tapped her foot to Peach’s familiar lobby music, waiting.

“Hello? This is Princess Toadstool speaking.”

“Heyyyy Peachie! It’s just me your girl Daisy. Just checking in since it feels like forever since our last chat. What’s up? How ya doin’?”

“Oh, you know how it is,” Peach said. Stuffy and demure as always. “It’s one formal event after another. The schedule is always so packed. I really do envy the free time you have.”

Daisy gripped the phone tighter. “Haha, yeah? Well, I’ve been SUPER busy too actually.”

“I’m surprised to hear that!” There was a loud thwack of a tennis racket on the other end of the line. “Right now, I’m practicing my backhand swing. I was invited to this highly exclusive tennis tournament.”

“You don’t say,” Daisy said, masking her annoyance. “I think I got invited to that too. Maybe I’ll see you there.”

“Oh, it must not be the same tournament. This one was for heroes only, I’m told?”

Daisy took a deep breath to keep herself from losing it.

“Whatever, hey. Let’s real talk. How’re things going with Mario? Are you too official ‘Special Ones’ yet?”

Peach made a mousey little noise that was the verbal equivalent of a blush. “Oh, um…” The referee in the announced a fault in the background of the call.

“Guess not. Is he hanging out with you or is he busy adventuring or whatever?”

“Well… I did ask him to practice with me, but apparently something came up. He went to go look into some sort of disaster.”

“Oh yeah?” Daisy salivated. “What sort of trouble?”

“I’m not too sure. Something about the yoshi tribe in the Peaceful Woods being in desperate need of a hero.”

“Interesting! Well, it’s been great talking to you, bye!” Daisy hung up the phone and chuckled at her flawless reconnaissance work. “Peaceful Woods here I come.”

Chapter Text

Daisy popped out the warp pipe and onto the sands of a seashore, latte in hand. This was somewhere on the outskirts of the Sprixie Kingdom. Blocky green mountains stretched over the horizon and a lush green forest sat within sight of the beach. Just outside the tree line there was a sign: “Welcome to Peaceful Woods” and in smaller font “Beware of Yoshis.”

She reminded herself to be careful. Yoshis were predatory and known to eat just about everything. But they were also good natured enough to not eat YOU – provided you were fast enough to ask them not to. They were one of the more feral species around, but their friendship with Princess Peach and her cronies meant there were plenty of them any place on good terms with the Mushroom Kingdom.

Signs posted along the trailhead guided Daisy toward the yoshi village, made up of tree canopy huts with brick ovens. She rounded the corner and came to a dead halt when she spotted bodies strewn all over the ground.

“What?!” Daisy said, swiveling her head in alarm. All around her, every yoshi in sight was laid out flat.

In the middle of the massacre, she spotted someone. Waluigi was crouched down near one of the bodies.

“You!” She stomped up to him. “What’d you do to these yoshis!?”

“Nothing,” the murderer said, standing up. “I just got here, same as you.”

“You expect me to believe that?!” Daisy took a swig of her coffee. “I caught you standing over a dead body!”

“They’re not dead,” Waluigi said. “They’re sleeping. Look!”

Daisy stooped down to double check. No one appeared dismembered and they were all breathing gently. A couple were even snoring.

“Okay, well, that doesn’t explain what you’re doing here! I just left the stadium!”

He smirked. “I eavesdropped on your conversation with Peach. Went on ahead while you were getting coffee.”

Daisy chucked her mostly empty coffee cup at him. It bounced off his hat.

“Get your own quest, copycat! This one’s mine!”

“It’s Mario’s quest, and stealing his thunder was MY idea. You’re the one who should get lost!”

There was a squeaky gasp. “Visitors?”

Daisy and Waluigi turned to spot a sprixie fluttering into the village. A tiny blonde lady with white butterfly wings in a pink dress and a folded hat to match. The little fairy pumped her wings to stay in the air while she hauled a big sack filled with melons into the grove. Her eyes lit up when she caught sight of their faces. She dropped the sack and the melons spilled all over the ground.

“You!!” She hurled herself straight at Waluigi and grabbed him by his overall straps. “You’re the one who did this, aren’t you?!”

“That’s what I was saying!” Daisy said.                                                                                                                   

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, lady,” Waluigi said.

He tried to shoo the sprixie away only for her to swat at him with her puny little arms.

“You look like Wario!” she said. “He tried to take my woods from me before! I bet that’s what you’re doing too! You put all the yoshis to sleep!”

“I ain’t got anything to do with Wario,” Waluigi said.

“Wait, really?” Daisy was skeptical. “I thought you two were brothers or something.”

Waluigi looked insulted.

“I mean…” Daisy searched her memory for evidence. “You both have pointy ears. And pink noses. And – er, similar taste in shoes?”

“Wow,” Waluigi said. “Racist.”

 “I see you guys together all the time!”

“Alliance of convenience,” he explained, ignoring the sprixie clawing at his face. “You take the tennis partners you can get. Doesn’t mean we HANG OUT or that I even like the guy.”

“Well, that’s depressing,” Daisy said. “I want to at least like my teammates.”

“Yeah, well, too bad,” he said. “SOME of us have to play the hand we’re dealt.”  

“Get out of my forest!” the sprixie said, buzzing around their heads. “No bad guys allowed!”

Waluigi snatched her out of the air by the scruff. She struggled in his pinched fingers.

“Hey,” Daisy said, waving to get her attention. “Hi! I’m Daisy! And I agree Waluigi here is pretty shady, but I don’t think he has anything to do with what happened here. But maybe I can help. What’s your name?”

She relaxed a little. “My name’s Wanda. And I take care of these woods! I was doing a super good job at it too, until a few days ago. Now things are weird and bad!”

Waluigi shoved Daisy aside. “Oh yeah? Good thing I’m here. Tell me what happened!”

Wanda scrunched her brow. “Well, I wasn’t around when it happened. But apparently a big scary monster showed up and put the whole village to sleep with a magic song. They’ve been stuck like this for DAYS. I just can’t get them to wake up! All I can do is scramble to get enough food together so the yoshis don’t starve in their sleep.”

 Daisy noticed the giant mound of fruit piled up near all the comatose yoshi. Wanda fluttered over to one of the dropped melons and, grunting and flapping her wings furiously, lifted it into the air so she could drop it over the mouth of a yoshi. It snatched the fruit out of the air with its tongue and made a happy “Num!” sound before rolling over back to sleep.  

“Well, that sucks for them,” Daisy said. “Is this what Mario is working on? How am I supposed to fix this?”

Waluigi waved a finger in her face. “YOU don’t have to do anything. I got this.”

Daisy ignored him. “Maybe if we beat up the monster it’ll break the spell? Wanda, if you didn’t see what happened, who did? Maybe they have an idea of what to do?”

“Okay! I’ll show you!” Wanda said, zipping off through the air. “This way!”

Daisy followed as the sprixie led them toward the far end of the village where they found a big, colorless clay tablet that looked like some sort of monument. It had five conspicuously empty petal shaped slots on the front. In the center was a bright orange sun shaped disc with a frowny face on it.

“Looks like someone dropped their trashy art project,” Daisy said.

The eyes of the little sun disc popped open.

“That’s mean!” it said, looking ready to cry. “It’s not my fault I look like this right now! Don't hurt my feelings!”

“Whoa!” Daisy stepped back. “It can talk!”

Waluigi rolled his eyes. “Obviously. It’s more a surprise when something with a face CAN’T talk.”

“Sorry for being rude,” Daisy said. The apology seemed to perk up the little face. “What’s your deal?”

“This is the Sundream Stone!” Wanda said.

“Nice to meetcha!” it said.

“Wah!” Waluigi said. “I’ve heard of this!”

Daisy raised an eyebrow at him. “Have you, now?”

He shot an indignant look back at her. “It uses the power of the Dream Gems to grant wishes. It’s an extremely powerful and dangerous artifact!”

“Aw shucks! You’re making me blush!”

“And it’s just sitting in the middle of some yoshi village?” Daisy said.

“Yoshis are creatures pure of heart,” the Sundream Stone said. “They only ever wish for food when they’re hungry. Which is often, but still! They would never use me to do anything bad and other creatures fear them! This is the safest place for me to be!”

“Uh.” Daisy looked at the gaping holes on the tablet surrounding the face. “Are you sure? You look like you got mugged or something.”

“Oh, yeah. A big nasty person got past the yoshis and made an evil wish on me! But it’s okay! I went ahead and scattered my dream gems all over the world so they can’t use me again!”

“What kind of evil wish?” Waluigi said. “Who was this bozo?”

The sun’s smile drooped. “I don’t remember. My head is reeeeal foggy without my gemstones. All I know is they had an evil heart. Although, without my gems, I can’t even sense your hearts!”

“That’s fine. We’re good guys,” Daisy said before glancing at Waluigi. “Well, I am anyway, and I’m here to help.”

“Oh! That’s nice. But you don’t need to worry about it. Some guy named Mario came by and said he’d help.”

Waluigi clutched his cheeks in mock surprise. “Wah oh. Big mistake! Mario is the biggest villain in the whole kingdom!”

“Wait, really?!” The Sundream stone looked panicked. “Oh no!”

“Hold on,” Wanda said. “That doesn’t sound right. I’ve met Mario. He’s super nice.”

Daisy thought about throwing Waluigi under the bus, but decided this opportunity was too good to pass up.

“You don’t know him like I do,” Daisy said. “He’s awful! One time, I saw him ride a yoshi right off the edge of a cliff! He jumped off to save himself but what do you think happened to the yoshi?”

“Yeah!” Waluigi said. “And I hear he tried to orphan some kid by locking his dad in a cage.”

Wanda did not look convinced. “But everyone calls him a hero!”

“Oh, and you know what’s problematic?” Daisy said. “All those minions he’s stomped on! They can’t all be soldiers. I bet he’s hurt civilians.”

“He’s a menace!” Waluigi said. “He might even be the one who made the wish that did this!”

Daisy smiled. “You better have us help instead. There’s NO TELLING what havoc Mario might cause with the dream gems!”

“Really?!” The Sundream stone was blown away by their slander. “But he seemed so nice! I’ve really messed up this time!”

“It’s fine,” Waluigi said. “Just tell me where you put the gems and I’ll fix this.”

Daisy shoved him. “I’ll get them back.” She was not about to let him snatch this out from under her. “You can just stay out of the way.”

“Hey, Sundream Stone? Just F.Y.I. but I saw this lady crawl out of a dumpster earlier. Pretty suspicious character if you ask me.”

“Hey!” Daisy raised a fist to smack him but realized how bad that would make her look. She settled on pointing a finger instead. “Excuse you. That is a gross mischaracterization of factual events.”

“Oh dear. Now I’m all confused and not sure who to believe,” the Sundream Stone said. “Since I’m a bit soul blind right now, I need you two to be honest: Are you actually good guys?”

“Definitely!” Daisy said. “Super good, even!”

“Morality is relative,” Waluigi said. “But yeah, sure. Whatever. Pure as driven snow here.”

“Phew! Good to know!”

“Mr. Sundream Stone,” Wanda said, “I don’t think they’re telling the truth.”

“Don’t be silly, Wanda! I already asked them to be honest.”

“But…”

“Anyway! I can’t remember where I put my gems exactly. But I can kinda feel them. One of them is still nearby! It’s around the middle of the woods. Wanda, be a sweetheart and show them the way, would you?”

“I call dibs!” Waluigi said, snatching Wanda out of the air and tucking her under his arm like a football. She screamed as Waluigi sprinted off into the trees.

“Hey!!” Daisy gave chase. “That’s my lead! Get back here you scum sucking cheater!”

 “Good luck, heroes!” The Sundream Stone chuckled as Daisy sped out of the village. “May the Stars watch over you!”

Chapter Text

Daisy followed the sound of Wanda’s pleas for help, weaving around trees and trying to catch sight of that cad Waluigi. He was fast, but there was no way he was taking the lead. Her heart raced. This was starting to get fun.

The forest grew thicker as she closed in on him. She rounded a corner and spotted him staring at a huge wall of spiky plant roots blocking the way forward.  

“You sure it’s this way?” he said.

“Let go of me!” Wanda said.

Daisy smirked. She leapt into the air and bounced off his head and landed on top of the wall with a twirl.

 “WAUUGH!!” Waluigi cried like an idiot before falling face first into the dirt. “…uigi.”

Wanda zipped into the air and out of his grasp. Daisy smirked down at him from atop the wall.

“What’s the hold up, scrawny? I thought you said you were gonna be the ‘weiner’?”

The purple freak lurched to his feet and gave her an ugly sneer. He leapt onto the wall, finding footholds among the spikes, and climbed up after her with surprising speed.

“Whoops, gotta go!” Daisy cut her gloating short to hang onto first place. She jumped deeper into the woods.

Thorny vines and plant tendrils snaked along the ground, heaping up in great thorny brambles and creeping up tree trunks to wrap themselves around every tree. They writhed, reaching out in every direction, sprouting little piranha plant buds along their stems. The place could do with a weeding. It was downright infested.  

“Huh,” Daisy said. “This looks more like a piranha plant grove than a magical forest.”

“Aaaaugh!” Wanda said, fluttering into view. “What happened to my home?! This is a disaster!”

Daisy stepped out of the way as Waluigi tried to ground pound on top of her head. “Is it not supposed to be like this?”

Wanda flailed her arms. “We get piranha plants but never this bad! This is a nightmare!”

“It is very strange,” Waluigi said, getting to his feet. “They don’t usually grow this large. Could be a magikoopa spell. Or some other special power.”

“You think the dream gem is causing this?” Daisy said.

“Maybe.” Waluigi stroked his chin. “Piranha plants don’t care about much beyond getting big. The gem might be making its dream come true.”

They watched piranha plant buds sprout along the length of the nearest vine before they each grew to full size with a POP to gnaw at the air.

 “I don’t think we have a lot of time,” Daisy said. She set her eyes on Wanda, who was keeping her distance. “I need you to show me the way to the center of the forest, Wanda.”

“I’m not helping either of you!” Wanda said. “You’re both crazy!”

“I want to help!” Daisy said, stepping closer. “This is your home, right? Do you want to fix this on your own? If we work together, we can set this right!”

Wanda took in the forest around her. A piranha bud hanging off the nearest vine was doing its best to extend its tongue long enough to lick her. She shuddered.

“Fine! I’ll show you.”

 “Great!” Daisy said. “You’re officially my side-kick! Let’s go!”

“Wha?!” Waluigi said. “You can’t do that!”

“Too late!” Daisy said, shoving Waluigi off his feet and making a break for it with Wanda. She spotted a hole in the writhing tendrils and leapt through. “We’re off to save the day! Bye!”

Waluigi charged toward the hole but it closed before he could follow. Daisy heard his muffled cursing on the far side. She smiled and hurried off alongside Wanda.

Vines wriggled to surround them as they navigated the toothy thicket. Daisy swatted the thorny growths with her tennis racket to keep them back. In hindsight she was glad she packed it, but wished she had the foresight to bring a machete too.  

“Are you sure this is the right way?!” Daisy said, thwacking piranha plants over the head. “Maybe there’s a less feisty trail?

Wanda zipped around in the air to avoid getting chomped. “We’re heading TOWARDS the danger. I don’t know what you want!”

Daisy noticed something moving in the shadows behind Wanda. A jumbo-sized piranha plant head snaked through the forest toward them.

“Look out!” Daisy yanked Wanda out of the way before the plus-sized piranha snapped its jaws down on her. The piranha head loomed over them, grinning.

A loud wooden crack rang out ahead. A shiver ran down the nearest vine and it poofed into a string of coins. A battle cry of “Wahoo!” pierced the air. The piranha plant’s smile wrinkled into a grimace.

“Is that…?” Daisy said.

A figure swung out of the overbrush and leapt into the air, bringing a large wooden hammer down on the head of the massive piranha plant. It vibrated from the shock, before bursting with a pleasant pop, atomized into points.

“Mario!” Wanda cheered.

Super Mario threw up a victory hand sign. “It’s a-me!”

“I’m so glad I found you!” she said. “Look! I found someone who says she can help find the dream gems!”

He blinked, looking surprised. “Oh! Daisy.”

“Uh. Hi Mario.” She tried not to let her discomfort show. Teaming up with Mario was NOT a good idea. The guy would soak up all the credit like a sponge. Her plan was to beat him to the punch, not become one of his hapless cronies.

Wanda turned to Daisy. “Oh, so you DO know each other! I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. Mario does get around. I didn’t think you were friends after all the nasty things you said about him!”

Daisy tried to silence Wanda with a glare, but the sprixie was too occupied with the plumber to notice.

“You’re looking good Mario!” Wanda said. “Much better without the bucket on your head. Haha.”

Mario nodded with a smile.

“I bet you didn’t know a country sprixie like me was friends with a celebrity, huh Daisy? Me and Mario go WAY back. He’s such a big hero!”

Daisy clenched her teeth.  “You don’t say.” Deep breaths, she reminded herself. “Hey, Mario? Why don’t you sit this one out? Me and Wanda have got this on lockdown, and I think you’re due for a vacation.”

Cracks splintered along the ground around them. Mario’s eyes went wide as thorny vines burst out of the Earth spraying dirt and rocks everywhere.  

“Whoa whoa whoa whoa!” Mario said as a fresh crop of piranha plants sprung up to bully them.

Daisy sighed and readied her tennis racket. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

She threw herself at the oncoming horde, Mario right behind her. She pounded away at the ravenous weeds while Mario smashed his way through with relative ease using his hammer. Daisy eyed the mallet, jealous. If she had thought to bring a real weapon this would have been easy.

“Ugh! These things just keep coming!” Daisy said. “What’s the deal?!”

More piranha plants gathered in the grove, driving Mario and Daisy back into a corner. There was no way they could keep up. But Daisy was not about to game over here. She growled and reared back to lay into the piranha pests.

“Wahahaha!”

Waluigi sprang out from the brush, fire flower in hand. He reduced the hordes to ash with a few well-chucked fireballs and struck a dramatic pose.

“Hey losers. Looks Like I just saved your sorry hides.”

Mario did a joyful hop in response. Daisy was not so pleased.

“No one asked for your help, scrawny,” she said.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome.” Waluigi sauntered over to Mario and offered a hand to shake. “I know we don’t always get on the best, Mario. But I hope we can put that behind us and work together.”

Mario shook his hand without hesitation and was electrocuted. Daisy caught a glimpse of Mario’s skeleton as an electrical current jolted the man off his feet. The plumber collapsed onto the ground in a heap, unconscious.

“Yow!” Waluigi fanned the joy buzzer in his palm. “I forgot this thing gets HOT.”

Wanda bonked him over the head with a magical fairy wand. “What’ve you done?! I knew you were a villain! You killed Mario!”

“What? He’s fine.” Waluigi prodded Mario in the ribs with his foot. Mario let out a pained moan. “See? Just making sure he doesn’t get in the way. For his own safety, of course.”

“You’re despicable,” Daisy said, who was incredibly grateful. “Someone like you doesn’t deserve to go on this quest!”

Waluigi shrugged. “Whatever. Either you die a villain, or you live long enough to see yourself become the hero.”

A bellowing laugh split the air: “Ssssahahahaha! Impressive work, Mario! But I knew you could defeat my little pets. Now you’ve fallen right into my trap! Sahahaha!”

Daisy turned as a shadow dropped down from the treetops. The figure of a massive three-headed snake loomed over them. It was hard to make out, but it was either a red snake with black stripes, a green snake with orange stripes, or else Daisy was color blind. The smug expression on all three of its faces soured into confusion.

 “What?” it said. “Who the heck are you three?!”

“Waluigi.”

“My name’s Wanda. I live here.”

Daisy sighed. What was even the point of winning sporting events if no one recognized her?

“Hi, I’m Daisy but less importantly who are YOU?”

The snake (snakes?) looked offended at the question. “Hmph. I suppose it would make sense that you would not know of our greatness. We are Tryclyde of the 8-Bits and YOU’RE in the way!”

 “Are you the one behind this piranha plant problem?” Daisy said.

“Sahahaha. Guilty.”

“Why would you do this?!” Wanda cried.

“We hoped to eliminate Mario before he became a problem. But it appears you’ve done most of the work for us.”

Daisy stomped toward the serpent. “Hand over the dream gem or I’ll clobber you!”

Waluigi grabbed her by the shoulder. “No, we’ve gone over this. I’M going to clobber them and you’re going to watch!”

Tryclyde cackled. “Fat chance, interlopers! If you think you can stop us, then you’re about to get… TOASTED.”

Tryclyde sat there smirking, while one of its heads stole a glance into the woods.

“We SAID… They’re about to get TOASTED. That’s your CUE.”

A pit crew of shy guys tumbled out of the woods and assembled a full musical drum kit in front of Tryclyde complete with cymbals and drum shield before disappearing back into the forest.

“Ugh. Finally,” Tryclyde said. “Alright, prepare for your doom and whatnot.”

 The snake beat their heads against the drums, launching into an up-tempo drum solo. Daisy squinted at the scene, unsure about what was happening.

 As if responding to the sound, piranha plant vines crept out from the forest, convulsing to the beat. Dozens of hungry piranha plant heads burst out of the ground, dancing on their stems and chomping to rhythm. The forest darkened as a gargantuan piranha plant head, three times the size of the last one they killed, lowered itself into the grove.

“Eep,” said Wanda.

“Step aside chumps.” Waluigi shoved the others aside. “The Great Waluigi will take care of this with his Fire Flower!”

He hucked a couple fireballs which ‘ploked’ against the face of the piranha plant with zero effect.

“Hm,” Waluigi said as the piranha plant bit down on him. His legs thrashed out of the lip of the plant as it pulled him into the air.

Daisy dove out of the way as piranha pests snapped at her. Spotting Mario, she scooped up his hammer and used it to whack the carnivorous vines out of existence one after the other. Wanda kept behind her as Daisy cut through the hordes, but more and more just kept sprouting. She eyed Tryclde’s drum kit. He was controlling them.

“Keep an eye on Mario!” Daisy told Wanda. “I’m going in for the kill!” She leapt at Tryclyde, smashing his drum kit out from under him. She stomped through the batter heads of his tom-toms, dented his cymbals, and punted the kick drum out of sight.

“You fool!” Tryclyde snarled. “Now it’s out of control!”

Daisy watched as the piranha grove around them thrashed, pulling up trees and banging its vines trying to make some new sound to dance to.

“It’s destroying my forest!” Wanda wailed as the three of them dodged out of the way of a tree trunk sent sailing through the air.

The grove roared in frustration, and Waluigi plopped to the ground nearby. He sat bolt upright.

“The dream gem!” he said. “The big one ate it! I saw it sparkling in its throat!”

“That must be why it got so big!” Wanda said. “It should shrink if we pull it out, but how’re we supposed to do that?!”

“I got this,” Daisy said, readying her hammer. “I just need to get up to its mouth!”

Wanda’s eyes lit up and she flitted ahead.

“Here!” She waved her wand and ascending blocks poofed out of thin air.

“Nice!” Daisy charged up the blocks, climbing them like stairs up to the gaping maw of the piranha grove. A large, shiny, petal shaped red gemstone sparkled at the base of its gullet. Daisy dropped straight down after it, bracing her legs against either end of the monster’s saliva slick gullet. She tensed her leg muscles, trying to keep the beast from snapping itself shut, and aimed her hammer like a croquet mallet.

“Fore!” She said and smacked it free. It soared through the air and bounced off a tree or two before landing somewhere in the rough.

The Piranha Grove withered with a plaintive gurgle. “Wrow, wrow, wrow…!” and with one POOF Daisy found herself tumbling through the air and onto the hard ground.

“Y’alright?” Waluigi pulled her to her feet. “Better be.”

Daisy shook the dizziness out of her head. “Hoo. Everyone still in one piece?”

“I’m good!” Wanda called from the other end of the clearing. “And Mario is still breathing!”

“Where’s the dream gem?” Daisy said.

Daisy and Waluigi, battered and tired, ambled to where the gem glittered in the grass. But before they could grab it, Tryclyde sprang out and snatched the gem in one of their mouths.

“Well!” One of the other heads said. “Looks like our fun is spoiled. But we’ll be keeping this all the same.”

“Dang it!” Daisy said as Tryclyde slithered out of sight. “After him!”

The three of them gave chase, dodging around trees until the forest gave ways to plains. The slippery little hydra was faster than it looked. Shy Guys leapt out from cover to intercept them, but Daisy bowled straight through them.

“Evac!” Tryclyde shouted. “We need evac!”

“Above us!” Wanda said. “Look out!”

Daisy looked and spotted forked spears raining down toward them. She and Waluigi dove out of the way just in time to avoid getting harpooned. A battalion of winged shy guys, beezos, circled overhead and mewed their customary war cries.  

“Get back here!” Waluigi shouted as he clambered to his feet.

But the beezos dive bombed before he or Daisy could do anything. A magic carpet, piloted by a squat bird thing called a pidgit, sailed down from the sky to pick up Tryclyde.  

“Sahahaha! So long, numbskulls! Be sure to check us out when we go on tour!”

The magic carpet took off, rising high into the air before it and the beezos zoomed out into the horizon.

Chapter Text

The Peaceful Woods lived up to their name on the walk back. The ground was torn up and a few trees were toppled, but otherwise the forest was back to normal. Daisy, Waluigi, and Wanda slunk back to the village feeling dejected and miserable.

“Uggh!” Daisy gripped her hair in frustration. “This SUCKS! They got away!”

“But that dream gem is dangerous!” Wanda said. “You saw what it did to one piranha plant! We can’t let a bunch of weirdos like that keep it. We gotta go after them!”

“We?” Waluigi dusted himself off. “Speak for yourself. I’m in this to become a #1 hero. You two will just get in my way.”

“Excuse you?” Daisy said, getting right in his face. “You’re the one who got in the way! I’m the one who defeated the piranha plant!”

“Only because I was the one who deduced the location of the dream gem. You two would be dead without my tactical assessment!”

“You were about to get digested before I rescued you! If anyone is the hero here, it’s me!”

“Why are you two bickering?” Wanda said. “You can just work together!”

Waluigi stamped his foot and leaned over Wanda, arms held out and fingers curled like claws. “I am the Great Waluigi and soon to be hero! I’m not about to share the credit with either of you losers!”

Daisy blew a raspberry. “Like I’d even want your help in the first place. My reputation is getting damaged just standing in the same space as you, creep.”

Wanda vibrated in the air, ready to pop. “Ooh!! Stop it, stop it, stop it!”

The outburst was enough to shut them both up a second.

“The Sundream Stone is in trouble and all you care about is who gets the credit!” Wanda said. “My forest was in trouble but the two of you working together managed to save it. If you really care about being heroes, then quit being so selfish!”

Daisy looked at Waluigi. He was a conniving purple jerk, but she supposed he did help a LITTLE. He could be useful. And on the upside, the man lacked the charisma of Mario. So it would only be natural for anyone watching to identify herself as the real star of the show.

“Alright. I’ll be the bigger woman here. You can come, but we’re splitting the credit 50/50.”

“60/40,” Waluigi said.

“60/60,” Daisy countered, offering a hand to shake. “Final offer.”

 Waluigi weighed the offer in his head before accepting her hand. “Deal.”

 “Great,” Daisy said. “So, let’s go ask the Sundream Stone…” That name was such a mouthful. “…Let’s go ask Sunny where Tryclyde took the dream gem.”

 They returned to the far end of the village. Sunny looked happy to see them.

 “Hey there, friends!” he said. “Golly. I don’t feel the dream gem on you. That must mean you failed.”

 “Shut up, you hunk of junk.” Waluigi kicked Sunny. “Tell us where the bad guy went with it.”

 Sunny closed his eyes, tightening them as he tried to concentrate. “Hm. My gems are all so far away now. It’s hard to sense exactly. Do you think you could move me somewhere out in the open?”

“How are we supposed to do that?!” Daisy said, waving at the massive clay monument. “You’re HUGE!”

Sunny hummed. “Oh! I know!” The sun-disc popped off of the front of the tablet and landed on the ground with a CLACK. “Now you can carry me!”

Waluigi moved to grab the face first but Daisy snatched it away. She hurried to the edge of the forest with Wanda fluttering and Waluigi stalking after. She held the face up in front of the plain.

“This any better?”

“Little to the left,” Sunny said. “No, too far. There. Go straight.”

They followed Sunny’s instructions, course correcting every so often, which led them onto the shoreline.

“Can you hurry it up?” Waluigi said. “We’d be done already if I was holding the face.”

“Hush!” Daisy said.

 “Okay!” Sunny said. “It’s that way!”

Sunny was pointing in the direction of the open ocean.

“…So, like, can you tell us WHERE it is?”

“I dunno!” Sunny said. “I can just tell the nearest gem is in this direction!”

Daisy grimaced. “But is there at least a warp pipe we can use to get there?”

“No idea!” Sunny said, chipper.

“Useless hunk of scrap,” Waluigi said. He grabbed Sunny and stuck him down the front of his overalls for storage. “Now we’re stuck.”

“We could always find a boat,” Wanda said.

Daisy smiled. “Find? Oh no. I got us covered.” She raced back towards the warp pipe.  

“Where are you going?” Waluigi called after her.

“Sarasaland!” Daisy said. “I got a boat we can use!”

Chapter Text

“The docks are this way!” Daisy said. “C’mon!”

The fighter fly guards stood to attention as she passed through the halls of Sarasaland palace with her minions Waluigi and Wanda in tow. She dodged around guests and servants and was struck by how crowded the court was that day. Gao lion delegates from the Birabuto kingdom were lounging and grooming themselves while batadons, stone faces with wings from Easton Kingdom, fluttered around wearing official looking hats. There were even fishbowls containing yurarin seahorses from Muda being hauled around by gunion octopi. An entire graveyard’s worth of Chai Kingdom pionpi zombies were milling around and blocking the way forward.

“What’s the hold up!?” Daisy said, elbowing her way through the crowd. “Who said you lot could loiter in here?! Beat it!”

The smarter zombies shuffled out of the way, thinning the crowd enough to reveal Daisy’s father chatting with the riffraff.

“Oh! Daisy!” he said, approaching her. “What a relief. I was starting to worry you would not show up!”

 She stared at him, before turning to look back at the roomful of ambassadors from the four kingdoms. A sinking feeling welled as she realized what was going on.

 “Wait, what?! The council meeting is supposed to be next week!”

Father wrung his hands. “Hiyohoi called an emergency early meeting not long after you left this morning.”

“And he didn’t see fit to send me notification?!”

“Here it is.” Father withdrew a sealed envelope from the sleeve of his robe and handed it to her. “I tried looking for you at Marina Stadium, but they said you left.”

Daisy threw her head back and face palmed. “Why didn’t you call me on my cell phone?!”

“I, uh…” He looked away, sheepish. “I still don’t know how to work that thing.” His eye drifted toward Waluigi and Wanda, perhaps wanting to talk about anything else. “Who are these fine guests you’ve brought with you? I don’t believe I’ve been acquainted.”

“What? Oh, well…” Daisy froze. The last thing she wanted to do right now was introduce Waluigi to her father, or anyone else for that matter. Before she had a chance to come up with an excuse, Waluigi marched up to her father and performed a deep and elegant bow.

“Your Highness,” he said. “I am Waluigi, firstborn son of Commander Reverie of Subcon. It is an honor.”

“Oh my,” father looked impressed. “You’re a long way from home, aren’t you? How did you come to associate with my daughter?”

“The princess has elected to take me on as counsel on a trial basis.” Waluigi was speaking with such uncharacteristic dignity Daisy could hardly believe it. “It is my aim to ensure she is best prepared for today’s proceedings. Wah.”

“And what about you, young sprixie?” Cypress said. “Who are you?”

“I’m Wanda!” she said. “I don’t know what’s going on!”

  Father let out a warm laugh. “Politics are like that. I know how you feel.”

  “Okay everyone shut up!” Daisy said, tearing up her emergency meeting notice. “Where’s Hiyohoi?!”

“Hm? He’s talking to the other kings in the throne room I think.”

Daisy spun on her heel and charged that way. The others did their best to keep up. Mario was probably out there collecting dream gems left and right while she was stuck here cleaning up this mess. She crashed through the double doors of the throne room and spotted Hiyohoi lining up his trophies to show off to the three other kings.

“Buh?!” He dropped his skeeball trophy onto the floor. “Ah, Princess. …so good of you to join us.”

“Drop the niceties, Hiyohoi. If you’re gonna steal my crown, at least have the decency to do it when I’m home!”

“Tradition knows what’s best for Sarasaland,” Hiyohoi said, placing his trophy back on the table. “The greatest champion should rule. I think it should be clear to everyone here that your time is past.”

The servants seated Daisy at a round table with Waluigi and Wanda on either side of her. Across the table were the four kings: Totomesu, an overgrown cat in a headdress, Biokinton, a big puffy cloud with button eyes, Dragonzamasu, a massive spiky seahorse, and that punk Hiyohoi.

 “Unless you’re holding out on us, I still only see twenty trophies,” Daisy said. “Did you really bully everyone into showing up early just so you could stage a coup?”

“Yeah! What gives?!” shrieked Dragonzamasu, sloshing water over the rim of his massive fishbowl onto the floor. “Do you even know how much of a hassle it is to get here from the Sea of Muda?!”

Hiyohoi shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. I got a good reason for calling you out like this.” He pulled out a stack of papers and slapped them onto the table. “Here it is.”

Everyone leaned over the table to look. It appeared to be a top 10 list printed off the Koopa Kronicle news website, complete with sidebar ads and misaligned text.

“This here is list of the top 10 of the best Kingdoms on the whole planet.”

King Totomesu squinted at the print-off. He was a giant fire-breathing lion with no hands, so he did not browse the Internet often. “And this… listicle… is a problem?”

“You bet your sarcophagus it is!” Hiyohoi said. “If you look, we ain’t even on the blasted thing!”

Daisy grit her teeth as she leafed through the pages. He was right. Sarasaland did not get so much as a foot note but the Mushroom Kingdom sat comfortably at the top. It made her skin itch thinking about it.

“Do I have to be here for this?” Wanda said.

 “There’s crayons in the drawer if you’re bored,” Daisy said.

“AS YOU CAN SEE,” Hiyohoi said, “Our current princess here is leading us down a path of ruin. It is time for a change. Vote for me to be the new princess, and I promise you Sarsaland will get the respect it deserves!”

“Um.” Biokinton bobbed in the air, trying to work up the nerve to say something. “If I vote for you, do you promise not to yell at me?”

Daisy slammed her hands on the table, startling him. “If you vote for Hiyohoi, I will MAKE A POINT to yell at you.”

“Eep!”

King Totomesu swished his tail and growled. “The rank of Princess is assigned by merit. It does not sit well with me that you would rush a vote like this.”

“Oh.” Hiyohoi drummed his stony fingers on the table. “Well, my bad. Sorry you feel that way. But hey, y’know, since we’re all already here anyway, maybe we should just go ahead and vote.”

“No!” Daisy stopped herself from jumping onto the table. “You did this on purpose! I’ve got a whole tournament lined up to prove how much of a princess I am! Just wait until next week like normal!”

“You want me to come back out here again?!” Dragonzamasu screamed, splashing everyone with saltwater. “Absolutely not! Just get this over with!”

“Alright!” Hiyohoi said, seizing on the opportunity, “Everyone in favor of me as princess say aye!”

“Aye!” Dragonzamasu said.

“Aye!” Hiyohoi said.

“Nay!” Daisy said on reflex, panicked.

“Nay,” Totomesu said, which came as a huge relief.

All eyes turned toward Biokinton, who balled up and began to sweat in response to the attention.

 “Hoo boy,” the cloud said. “I, um. That is… I don’t like being under all this pressure.”

Hiyohoi leaned across the table, putting on the fakest smile Daisy had ever seen. “Listen puffball. Put me in charge and I promise to be nice to you.”

“Oh, that sounds pleasant.”

“Wait, hold on!” Daisy said. “I can promise to be EVEN NICER!”

“Hm. That could be even better.”

“You don’t believe that do you?” Hiyohoi said. “She threatened to yell at you earlier.”

“That’s true,” Biokinton said. “Daisy is a very loud princess and that’s pretty scary. Hum! I just don’t know what to do!”

Daisy wracked her brain. If she did not think of something quick, that whiff of air was about to hand her kingdom over to that stone-eye bozo. She looked around, desperate for help or some sort of idea, but only saw Wanda who was not even paying attention. She was coloring in a nice flower she had drawn.

Waluigi’s chair scraped against the floor as he stood up.

“Your attention, please,” he said. “I motion that this vote be postponed until the prior appointed council meeting.”

 “And just who are you anyway?” Hiyohoi said.

Waluigi sneered. “The current royal advisor.” He turned his attention to Totomesu. “Your grace, I sense you are an honorable gao. I trust you agree that it would be better that the ruling princess earn her title rather than win by some clandestine vote.”

Totomesu grunted in agreement.

“And you.” Waluigi addressed Biokinton. “It is an unimaginable burden to decide the fate of a whole kingdom. Put off this vote until later and it may not be your choice to make.”

“That’s a good idea!” Biokinton said.

“Very well. All in favor of postponing the vote?”

 “Aye!” said Daisy, Totomesu, and Biokinton.

“Nay!” said Hiyohoi and Dragonzamasu.

“Motion carries by majority,” Waluigi said. “We will reconvene this time next week. If Daisy can return with a new trophy, the matter will be considered closed.”

The meeting was adjourned. Dragonzamasu was wheeled away, grumbling, and Hiyohoi would no doubt do everything in his power to butter up Biokinton for next week. But Daisy could exhale now. There was time.

Waluigi relaxed as they left the throne room. He slid back into a crooked hunch and the strange air of respectability washed away. He was the dangerous weirdo she was familiar with again.

“That was…” Daisy said to him. “Wow. I didn’t know you had that in you.”

He smirked. “I am full of surprises.”

“This is the part of the job I hate,” she confessed. “Dealing with all the infighting and squabbling.”

Waluigi shrugged as they stepped out onto the salty air of the docks. “It’s just politics,” he said. “It’s just another kind of game. Once you figure out the rules, you play to win.”

“Huh,” she said. Daisy never thought of it that way. It was a much more fun way to look at it.

“The boat’s this way, right? I want to see it!” Wanda said, fluttering ahead. “Whoa!”

The Daisy Cruiser towered over the palace docks, floating on the bay connecting out to the open ocean. It had three stories, but most of that was taken up by the go-kart course and the baseball stadium. She called in the order to set sail and tokotoko stone men, pionpi zombies, and gao lions all swarmed the deck in little naval uniforms to make ready. The three of them made their way to the bridge of the ship.

“Which way are we heading, Princess?” the Captain Pako asked, who happened to be a gunion octopus in a fancy hat.

“Just a sec,” she said.

Waluigi plucked the face of the Sundream Stone out from his overalls. It gasped for air in distress.

“Ohh!” Sunny said. “Thank the Stars. It was horrible in there!”

“Hey plate face,” Waluigi held Sunny up over the bow of the ship. “Which way is your dream gem?”

“What a lovely view! Hm! Okay. Turn me a little to the right. No, too much. There! That way!”

“South by southwest then?” The captain said.

“Perfect!” Daisy said. “Head that way until we hit something!”

Waluigi stuffed Sunny back down into his overalls, muffling him before he could scream.

“Yay!” Wanda said, flying up to pull the ship’s horn. “Let’s go!”

The ship let out a low rumbling tone as the ship parted from the harbor and ambled its way up full speed. Daisy and her companions went out onto the bow of the ship to watch the ship roll through the open water.

“I was going to betray you, you know,” Waluigi said.

“Come again?” Daisy said.

“My plan was to run off with the dream gems and steal the credit first chance I got,” he said. “I’ve changed my mind.”

“Is that so?” she said. “And why is that?”

He leaned against the ship’s railing; arms folded. “I figured you were just another spoiled royal brat. I got an idea now of what you do to hold onto your position. It takes a lot of drive and ambition. I respect that.”

Daisy chuckled. “Well, I hate losing.”

“Good,” he said. “That’s why I’ve decided to help you.”

“Yeah?” Daisy was skeptical. “And now I’m supposed to believe this isn’t a different sort of trick?”

Waluigi offered only a grin in response. That ought to have annoyed her, but she found herself smiling back. If there was anything she liked about this creep, it was how he kept her on her toes. There was something fun about that.

They turned toward the horizon as the ship picked up steam. They were well on their way to becoming heroes.

Chapter Text

The sun was hot and bright as the Daisy Cruiser glided into Rico Harbor off the shore of Isle Delfino. Oddly, there did not seem to be anyone working the docks, so the crew went about setting up their own ramp to disembark.

“You think we have time to make sandcastles?” Wanda said.

“This isn’t a vacation!” Waluigi said. “Sunny says the dream gem is here and we need to find it before Mario. If either of you waste time, I’ll leave you behind.”

“What, on my ship?” Daisy said.

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Pft. Whatever,” Daisy said. “Let’s go.”

They stepped out onto the pier and found it silent and empty. The only sound was a rhythmic bass pounding coming from the direction of the downtown area. It was eerie to see the streets of such a big city devoid of life, and it put Daisy on edge. Houses were boarded up or abandoned and forklifts were left abandoned in the middle of obvious work.

“Yo, anyone here?!” Daisy called out to no reply. “Are you dead or what?!”

“Quiet!” Waluigi said, pressing her and himself against a wall. A swarm of Beezos zoomed overhead, scouting. The three of them hid under a cafe awning.

Daisy hummed. “I don’t like that.”

The noise got louder as they approached Delfino Plaza. Speakers were strummed up around the roof tops blasting some strange racket. It was like a crude imitation of pop rock song. The vocals were a gargling sort of mumble and the guitar shreds were awkward at best.  

“Hold on,” Waluigi said, cupping a hand around his pointed ear. “I recognize that drumbeat! It’s the same as that Tryclyde freak!”

“We must be on the right track!” Wanda said. “Look!”

There were posters plastered over every surface and window advertising a band: Wart and the 8-bits World Tour Premiere! There were no tour dates, just a list of every major kingdom and an ominous statement of Whether You Like It or Not.

“Looks like we found our perpetrators,” Daisy said. “What do you think they did to the locals?”

Waluigi shushed her and pointed. A row of piantas shackled with chains were herded down the street by a team of snifits into the local courthouse. Daisy crept after them and leaned against the door to eavesdrop.

“Get to work you chowder heads!” The lead snifit squawked. “Either you make band merch or  we fill you full a holes!”

Rows of piantas and smaller shelled noki villagers were chained to working benches with sewing machines, industrial CD burners, printers, and some sort of machine barfing out enamel pins.

“This is inhumane!” A pink pianta with a white mustache and bowtie said. “These t-shirts designs are all iron-ons! That is a terrible value for what you’re charging!”

“Shuddap!” The snifit spat a bullet into the ceiling which made the piantas and nokis quake in fear. “We’ll be as chintzy as we want! Profit margins are what matter! We’re gonna be so famous it won’t even matter!”  

The locals gasped at his audacity.

“Not if we got anything to say about it, punk!” Daisy burst into the room and somersaulted into a radical martial arts stance to confront the villains. Everyone gave her a quizzical look.

 “We?” The snifit said.

Daisy noticed her comrades had failed to join in on her heroic pose. They were still gawking from outside the entrance.

“What are you doing?!” she said, gesturing for them to follow. “Get in here!”

Waluigi minced in through the door, hands in his pockets. “Is this a bit? If you’re going to do a bit you need to tell us first.”

“Hi!” Wanda said, fluttering inside. “We’re here to stop you, I think.”

“Stop us?” The snifits and shy guys shared a roar of laughter. “Who even ARE you people?”

Daisy pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation. “Yes, hi, I’m Princess Daisy. Obviously. Big time hero.”

 “And I,” Waluigi flicked a rose out from his sleeve, “am the Great Waluigi.”

“Wanda.”

“Never heard of any of you.”

Daisy cracked her knuckles. “I’ll make sure you remember this then.”

The music blaring on the town speakers cut out with a sharp record scratch followed by a soft ping ping pong noise.

“Hey hey hey, this is DJ Mouser coming at you LIVE through the Delfino Emergency Broadcasting System, or as I like to call it my Emergency Tune Blasting Jukebox! I just wanted to let all my little fans and foot soldiers know we have an intruder down in the Plaza!”

“Oh no!” Wanda said. “They’ve found us!”

“That’s right, that meddlesome Mario is down by the lighthouse getting in the way of production! I want all roadies on deck to give the plumber a sound thrashing, capiche?”

All the shyguys and snifits in the room hopped into formation and rushed past Daisy out the door.

“Hey wait just a minute!” Daisy said. “What about us?! We’re intruders too!”

“Sorry,” the lead snifit said without stopping. “Haven’t got time to play with you losers.  Something serious came up.”

Waluigi and Daisy exchanged wounded expressions that turned to the most bitter fury.

“Get back here you mask wearing creeps and I’ll SHOW you SERIOUS!”

“This is an insult! The Great Waluigi will not stand for it!”

“Guys! Wait for me!”

“Um! Could one of you unchain us before you leave?” A prisoner could be faintly heard calling after them.  

The speakers crackled overhead as they raced through town: “Looks like you chumps need motivating. I’ll put on our gnarliest battle tracks, just for you. Lose to that chump and you’re all on merch duty! Get crackin’ lads!”

The voice of the radio huckster cut out and an up-tempo grunge metal song spun up on the speakers. The platoon of shy guys rounded the street corner ahead. Daisy and the others stumbled to a halt as they spotted Mario already in the middle of a pitched battle against waves of minions. He leapt, performing an octuple jump off the heads of enemy soldiers and clearing out entire crowds with the swing of his hammer. His battle cries of ‘Yaha!’ and ‘Whoa!’ and ‘Yippee!’ rose over the din of battle as bodies piled up around him. He showed no sign of slowing down.

“This is terrible,” Waluigi said.

“Is it?” Wanda said. “Looks like he’s got things under control.”

“That’s the problem!” Daisy said. “At this rate, he’s gonna save the day before we even do anything. We can’t let that happen!”

A shy guy was knocked back so hard it crashed into the wall nearby and burst into a gory shower of coins.

Wanda vibrated with agitation. “Who cares about the credit!? What matters is that we help people! It’s not a competition!”

“Don’t be stupid, it’s 100% a competition” Waluigi said. “If we help Mario we’ll be no better than side-kicks. You understand that?”

Daisy imagined being a footnote in the newspaper article. “Ugh. That’d be the worst. I’d rather die than be a side-kick.”

“Didn’t you call me a side-kick earlier?” Wanda said.

The question hung there a moment.

“Anyway,” Daisy said. “It’s not fair that Mario gets to be hero every time while us less prominent noble souls languish in obscurity. What an absolute glory hog! Just look at him!”

Mario raced across the beach, arms held wide, shimmering with rainbow Starman Power as he plowed through an entire line of tweeters, ninji, and snifits.

“Disgusting,” Daisy said.

Waluigi stroked his chin and then took Daisy aside. “I’ve got a scheme,” he said low enough so Wanda would not hear.

“It would sound less evil if you called it a plan,” Daisy said.

Wanda gave the two of them a weird look. Waluigi waved for her attention.

“Hey Sprixie. Think you could scout the air and figure out where that Mouser guy is broadcasting from?”

“I guess that’s a good idea,” she said, and fluttered off into the sky.

Waluigi turned back to Daisy once Wanda was out of earshot. “I already electrocuted Mario today, so it’ll take some time before the idiot defaults back to trusting me. I need you to take the field on this one.”

They locked into a sports huddle.

“What’s the play?”

Chapter Text

Daisy ran out onto the beach waving her arms. “Help! Mario! Help!”

Mario stopped in the middle of smashing coin blocks. His attention snapped to her. Daisy was unsure if he was just that tuned to pick up cries for help or if the guy just had a real thing for damsels. He backflipped off the rooftops and raced toward her.

“There’s a bunch of piantas chained up in the courthouse!” Daisy said. “We gotta help them!”

If Mario had any suspicion about why she was here, he did not show it. He hopped around like an excited dog and followed her to the courthouse. Inside, piantas struggled on the floor bound and gagged. Mario toddled in and tugged the bindings off the nearest hostage without hesitation.

“Oh! Mario! Thank goodness you’re here! They were forcing us to make band merch!” The pianta shivered. “But that’s not even the worst part! Some strange woman showed up and gagged all of us for some reason!” The Pianta looked over Mario’s shoulder at Daisy. “Wait! There she is now!”

Daisy bolted out the door just as Waluigi drove up on a forklift and blocked the door with a shipping container. He and Daisy leapt onto the sides of the building to hammer boards over every available window and exit until the whole building was locked down tight.

“Nailed it,” Daisy said, wiping the sweat from her brow.

“Cut the wordplay,” Waluigi snarled. “There’s work to do.”

Daisy looked up into the sky and spotted Wanda fluttering back from her recon work.

“Did you figure out where that Mouser guy is broadcasting from?”

Wanda dropped altitude. “Yeah, I think. There’s a radio tower on the outskirts of town,” she looked at the boarded-up building. “What’s going on here?”

“We trapped some enemies in there,” Waluigi said. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Lead the way, squirt!” Daisy said, stretching. “Let’s settle this like heroes!”

The three sprinted through town, rounding Mount Corona, until a tall thin tower poked out over the foothills. Festive signs read “Delfino Emergency Broadcasting System.” The sound of that clumsy garage band music grew louder as they approached. Ninji, star shaped baddies in black jumpsuits, and tweeters, masked birds with bat wings, patrolled the entrance outside.

“Grab ‘em!” Waluigi said, still charging.

Daisy yanked the nearest minion off its feet and, following Waluigi’s lead, hurled the minion face first into the front door of the radio tower. The doors burst open, giving way to a foyer where rows of computers on standing desks were lined up with piantas clacking away on keyboards.

“Reblog faster, slaves!” A shyguy said as it cracked a whip. “Promote our band to every corner of the Social Media!”

“I’m going as fast as I can!” A pianta woman said, on the brink of tears. “You try typing with mitten-shaped hands!”

“Halt right there, criminal scum!” Daisy said.

“You think you’re going to get away with promoting your band?!” Waluigi said. “Not on our watch!”

“Wha—Who are YOU guys?” The shy guy said, cracking its whip again for the heck of it.

“Good guys here to stop you!” Wanda said.

“Yeah!” Waluigi said, then punched the shy guy as hard it fell over. Waluigi then stomped on his face over and over until he stopped moving. Daisy stooped down and frisked the key off him.

 “Remember,” she said as she unshackled the piantas, “You were rescued by Princess Daisy and Waluigi. If you enjoy being saved, be sure to tell the news crews how cool we looked.”

The shy guy let out a wheezing laugh. “Fools,” he said, cracking its whip feebly into the air. “You think you can stop us? DJ Mouser can see all of this on the security cam…”

 The music cut out. “That’s RIGHT kiddos,” Mouser cackled out of the overhead speakers. “Looks like we got some nobodies trying to steal our spotlight. You want to dance with us? Fine. Let’s tango!”

  A mechanical whine whirred up in the speakers.

 “What’s that noise?” Wanda said.

  Waluigi tensed and swung toward the exit, shoving Wanda and Daisy out the door to escape. The beat dropped and a techno dance number blasted through the speakers at full volume, engulfing the whole room in a blinding rainbow light.

Daisy climbed to her feet. She took a moment to shake a dazed Wanda awake and hoist her back into the air.

“Thanks,” she said, floating a bit unsteady. “Where’s Waluigi?”

They peered back into the foyer entrance to see the pianta hostages dancing to the rave music. Waluigi was among them, spinning and gyrating with exceptional rhythm and poise. Every lock step, hip thrust, and heel turn was on beat and performed with unrestrained passion. Daisy gawked in amazement.

“Nice moves,” she said. “I didn’t know you can dance like that.”

“Of COURSE I can,” Waluigi said, huffing from exertion. “That isn’t the problem! The problem is I can’t stop myself!”

The piantas guffawed in distress. “My body is moving on its own!” “I don’t even like dance music!” “Someone help!!”

“It must be some kind of spell,” Wanda said.

“Then do something about it!” Waluigi shouted. “Magic it so I can quit!”

Wanda zipped around to examine him and frowned. “It should stop if we can shut off the music.”

Mouser laughed over the music. “Just try and silence these jams, shrimp! I’ll have you and the rest of this island dancing to my tune!”

Daisy shoved past the dancers and raced up the stairwell on the far side of the room. If she could get to Mouser before he cast another spell, she could put a stop to this right now.

Chapter Text

Daisy punted shyguys and ninjis out of the way as she scaled the radio tower stairs, pulse pounding music echoing around her, searching until she found a room labeled Recording Studio. She crashed through the door and spotted a rat man, a little mouser, wearing cool shades and sitting in a vocal booth surrounded by sound equipment.

“Wha-oh ladies and gents,” Mouser said into the mic without missing a beat. “Looks like we got a live one on our hands. She made it all the way up to see me no thanks to you blundering roadies. But that’s okay. I would be the teeniest bit worried if it weren’t for the fact that I’ve got the dream gem on my side!”

Mouser held up a blue petal shaped gemstone just like the red one Daisy had seen in the Peaceful Woods. He hopped over to a synth keyboard and slammed the dream gem into a custom-made socket on the top. The Machine hummed to life, sparkling with light. Mouser smirked at Daisy as he laid down a sick chord on the keys.

Daisy rolled out of the way as a sound wave tore across the room, ripping through the hardwood floor and tearing the soundproof foam on the walls. Mouser played a few more notes and she leapt and dodged out of the way. He was toying with her.

“What’s your game, rat?” Daisy said. She inched across the floor, ready to evade in whatever direction she needed. She needed to stall him long enough to close the gap between them. “You’re wrecking this island to make a name for your band?”

“Delfino here is just the cheese curds! We got our eyes on the whole cheddar!” He blasted another sound wave attack for Daisy to evade. “The 8-bits are gonna be BIG, baby. With this little ol’ stone, I can boost the gain on this equipment and let the WHOLE WORLD know to get pumped. We’re going on tour and every last person is going to be a fan whether they like it or not!”

Mouser picked up the tempo, launching into a crescendo of musical movements that tore the room to shreds. It was like the stage timer was running out. Daisy hurled herself left and right to stay safe, but she could only keep that up for so long. The tail of a sound wave nicked her arm. She grabbed at the wound on reflex but found nothing wrong.

“I’m okay?” she said.

Mouser snickered. “Check again, toots.”

Daisy looked down and saw to her horror that she was tapping her toes to the beat of the dance music. The vibe crept up her leg, spreading. Her hips began to sway and before she could do anything it was too late. She was caught up in the flow of the dance. The music wasn’t even any GOOD but she couldn’t stop herself. The sound was in her soul now and all she could do was move to the beat.

“You monster!” she screamed, swinging her arms and stomping around to the song.

“Wow,” Mouser said, gawking. “You suck at dancing.”

“Shut up!” Daisy said, feeling increasingly self-conscious. “I’ll have you know I’m an Olympic Gymnast! That’s sort of like dancing!”

“Daisy!” Wanda said, flying into the room. “Not you too!”

“And another one joins the party!” Mouser said.

“Huh?” Wanda said. Mouser pressed a synth key and a sound blast sent her ping-ponging around the room. “BWAHHH!!”

“No! My side-kick!” Daisy said before turning to sneer at Mouser. “You’ll pay for that, vermin!”

Mouser plopped back into his studio swivel chair and leaned against the broadcast controls. “Oh I very much doubt that, sweetie. In just a few more minutes this tower will have absorbed enough power from the dream gem that its range will be quintupled! I’m about to make lots more fans, just like you. But if it’s any consolation, I’ll let you be my spicy co-host while the whole world grooves on our promo reel!”

The console power cut off with a sudden WUMP and went dim. Mouser stared, pressed buttons, and thumped the controls with no success. “What happened?! It was just working!”

Wanda floated into the air holding the electrical plug to the equipment. “I’m sorry, there’s been a power outage!”

“What?!” Mouser said. “Impossible! I blasted you with my strongest rave music! You should be a thrall just like the others!”

“For your information,” Wanda said, as she smashed a chair over the music player, “I prefer country!”

The sound system sparked, crackled, and died. The music stopped, and Daisy felt the urge to dance fade to nothing. She was back in the game.

“Thanks Wanda,” Daisy said and turned toward Mouser. “Alright, it’s payback time.”

Mouser snatched the dream gem and backed away in the direction the window in the far corner. “Let me ask you a question,” he said. His energy had faded but that smile hinted that he still had a trick up his sleeve. “You know what special skill I bring to the band?”

“Who cares?” Daisy said, winding up to punch his lights out.

“Pyrotechnics!” He whipped out a remote-controlled detonator and pressed it. An explosion rocked the radio tower and then another. The room swayed and groaned under their feet, the whole building threatening to topple. A magic carpet swung into view just outside the window.

“Gotta bail, my ride’s here!” Mouser said and hopped out the window.

“Wait!” Daisy said.

“I got it!” Waluigi charged out of nowhere and shoved her out of the way. He dove headlong out the window and dangled off the carpet just as it zoomed out of sight.

“Hey!” Daisy said, “I was going to do that!”

“We need to get out of here before this place collapses!” Wanda said.

“Oh, fine, I guess.” Daisy grumbled. They retreated down the stairs and followed the panicking piantas outside just as the whole tower came crashing down. Debris and shrapnel clattered all around and smoke filled the air.  

Far in the distance and high up, Daisy could see Waluigi wrestling with Mouser on the magic carpet. They exchanged eye pokes, hair pulls, and sucker punches and then Waluigi fell. Daisy gasped as she watched him tumble down toward Delfino Plaza. He disappeared into the skyline of the town, and Daisy flinched.

“I hope he remembered to ground pound,” Wanda said, worried.

They hurried back downtown to check if Waluigi was still in one piece. They found him upside down, flailing his arms and legs, wedged into an abandoned fruit stand. It took a minute for the two of them to pull him out of the mess of crushed melon and papaya with a wet POP.

“You idiot!” Daisy said. “If these had been durians, you would’ve died!”

Waluigi sat slumped in the street with a smug look on his face, dripping in tropical juice. “Doesn’t matter,” he said. He held up the shimmering dream gem. “Heh, heh, heh! I got it!”

“Yooo!” Daisy cheered, clapping. “Alright! You’re good for something after all!”

“That’s one down, four to go!” Wanda said.

Daisy paused. She was not sure hunting for the others was even that important. They just saved an entire island from a giant rat DJ. Surely that was enough to get her into the tournament.

“Let’s go check on the locals,” she said. “I bet they’ll want to thank us for saving their hides.”

They helped Waluigi to his feet and strolled into the center of town, where all the freed locals had gathered to dance and celebrate around a somewhat befuddled Mario. It looked like he managed to escape the courthouse.

“You did it again!” The village mayor said, forcing a Shine Sprite into Mario’s hands. “You saved Delfino Island from whoever those guys were!”

Mario, on autopilot, spun into a triumphant victory pose only to look confused right after.

“We can always count on you when we’re in trouble!” the mayor said. “You’re a true hero!”

Daisy stiffened, mortified by what she was hearing. She stomped toward the crowd ready to brawl. That black hole of a glory hog did not even DO anything, she had made sure of that. There was no way he was about to steal her thunder now.

“Excuse me,” she said in the sweetest voice she could manage through clenched teeth. “Mario’s not the one you should be thanking here. We’re the ones who stopped Mouser!”

 “Hm?” the mayor adjusted his glasses. “That seems unlikely. There are very few people as brave as this man.”

“Isn’t that the lady who locked us in the courthouse?” someone shouted.

“Uh.” Daisy said, starting to sweat.

“Who even are you?” the mayor said. “Some sort of Princess Peach cosplayer?”

White-hot fury filled Daisy.  She thrust her finger into the mayor’s bulbous nose and stared him dead in the eye.

“I’ll have you know I’m Daisy of Sarasaland and I’m twice the princess that prissy fungus herding debutante is! I’ll prove it!” She put up her fists. “I’ll take you on! I’ll take you ALL on! Come on!”

Waluigi and Wanda grabbed her from behind, interfering with her show of decorum. They struggled to drag her away from the square as the idiot crowd of bumpkins continued to be wrong about everything in public.

“Knock it off!” Waluigi said, yanking her into an alley. “Do you want to look like a hero or a thug?!”

“We ARE heroes!” Daisy screamed back at him, seething with perfect composure. “If we don’t do something, Mario is going to steal all the credit! Like he even needs it!”

“That doesn’t matter,” Wanda said. “What counts is that we helped people in need.”

A curl of disgust coiled in Daisy’s stomach. “Yeah, yeah, okay sure. Heroes are noble or whatever I guess.”

“Forget about them,” Waluigi said as her let go of Daisy. “A bunch of grateful yokels aren’t going to get us on the registry. We need to play the long game here.” He showed her the dream gem again.

Daisy sighed. “You mean we gotta collect ALL of those things?”

“No,” Waluigi clutched the gem tight. “I mean we skip all the running around and cut to the chase.”

He stepped aside to reveal one of the band posters for Wart and the 8-bits.

“We know who their leader is. Let’s go straight to Wart’s base in Subcon and show him exactly how much of a princess you are.”

Chapter Text

“Did you know who rescued you?” the lakitu news reporter asked, extending his microphone.

“Well, they told me their names…” the pianta woman behind the fruit stand said, dubbed by the broadcast overlay as eyewitness. “But I’ve never been any good with those. I remember one of them was dressed like a princess and the other one was a tall guy with a mustache.”

“Given we know Mario was involved, perhaps this mystery man was his brother Luigi?”

“Yeah! That sounds about like what they said.”

“Then we can surmise that the woman was Princess Peach, known hero and sponsor of the brothers.”

“Sure, that makes sense,” the pianta woman said, looking impatient. “Are you going to buy a watermelon or what?

The lakitu whipped around to face the camera. “You heard it here folks! Predictably, it looks like today’s Isle Delfino Rescue is the work of the famed Mario and his stalwart companions! This is Lakilucky, signing out for Kingdom News Network!”

“It was me!” Daisy said, yanking the flat screen TV off the wall. “I’m the one who saved you, you ungrateful fruit hustler!” She gave the monitor another shake. “ARGGH!”

Wanda gave Daisy a gentle pat on the shoulder. “There, there. Look on the bright side: We helped a lot of people.”

“I GUESS.” Daisy stepped out onto the balcony of the cabin and hurled the TV into the ocean. “Ugh!”

“Forget about Delfino,” Waluigi said. He sat cross-legged on the sofa, thumbing through a paperback novel. “If we want to be big-name heroes, we play the long game. Wah. Once we’re in Subcon we’ll wallop Wart and make Mario look more chump than champ!”

“Okay, I still don’t get this plan,” Daisy said. “Aren’t we just letting Mario collect all the dream gems?”

Waluigi held out the dream gem they just collected in his off hand. “He can’t collect all of them if we’ve got one. We’ll let him run around fussing over side quests while we take credit for fixing the real problem.”

That made sense to Daisy. “What about this Subcon place? I’ve never even HEARD of it before. How do you know that’s where this Wart guy is hanging out?”

“I used to live there,” Waluigi said. “It’s in the Dream World.”

“Wait, really?” she said. “I thought you were making that up earlier.”

He shrugged. “Lots of people come from Subcon. Like Birdo for instance.”

“Oh yeah!” Daisy knew Birdo from kart racing and baseball and golf and tennis. She was good, but obviously not on Daisy’s level. “I think she mentioned something like that once.”

“Anyway,” Waluigi said, “Wart is the ringleader of a gang that tried to take over the Dream World.”

“Sounds like he failed?”

“Well, Mario came and stopped him,” he closed his book. “Twice.”

 Daisy grumbled. “Of course he did.”

 “I have a cousin who lives in Subcon!” Wanda said. “It was built by us sprixies, y’know! It’s a colony we set up in the Dream World to help out the Star Spirits.”

Daisy did not know much about the Dream World, but she did have a little bit of history with it. She recalled a Super Star competition hosted by those spirits. Bowser crashed that party to seize control of something called the Dream Depot and it was a whole thing.

“Alright, so it’s in the Dream World,” she said, still skeptical. “That’s like a wobbly cloud of half real places, right? I doubt we can just SAIL A SHIP there. Where are you taking us?”

Waluigi sighed. “There’s two ways into the Dream World. Either someone on the other side LETS you in, or we need to open a portal. The easiest place to make a portal is on Pi’illo Island. That’s where I told the Captain to take us.”

“I haven’t been to Subcon in AGES!” Wanda said, waggling her little legs on the end of the bed. “It’s very pretty. I should know, I helped make it! We shaped it to be the nicest and most stable part of the whole Dream World!”

“That’s nice,” Daisy said.

“I did the bit with whales,” she added, excited. “Them and the blocks. If you see any whales, that was me.”

There was a loud CLANG and the whole ship shook. The cabin décor tumbled off the walls and everyone grabbed for something to hold onto as the boat rocked.

“What was THAT?!” Daisy said.

They ran out onto the main deck as another tremor rang across the hull of the ship. The crew was scrambling all over in a panic.

“What’s going on?!” Daisy said.

“We’re under attack!” Captain Pako said.

Daisy rushed to lean over the starboard railing and spotted a smaller barge below sailing alongside them. It was loaded up with large rocks and boulders and a giant crab, the biggest sidestepper Daisy had seen in her whole life, was hurling the stones at her ship.

“HEY KRILLFACE!” Daisy yelled. “Just what the heck do you think you’re doing?!”

“Yarrr!” the crab bellowed. “I be Clawgrip! Of the 8-bits! I hear ye be causin’ trouble for our plans, so I be here to sink ye!”

“Oh, he talks like a pirate,” Wanda said. “That’s sort of fun.”

“No it isn’t!” Waluigi said, furious.

Clawgrip lifted a rock the size of a car and flung it so hard it tore a gaping hole in the side of a ship. Waluigi turned and grabbed the Captain by his bulbous head.

“What’re you waiting for?! Return fire!”

“With what?” Pako said. “We’re a cruise ship! All I’ve got is baseballs and shuffleboard pucks!”

Everyone grabbed for the railing as another hole was ripped through the ship. A gao lion came bounding up from below deck.

“Cap’n!” he said. “We’re takin’ on water like crazy! We gotta abandon ship!”

“We’ll be easy pickings for that devilish crustacean in the lifeboats…” the Captain said, stroking his chin. “It appears this voyage is doomed. Good thing I’m an octopus and can breathe underwater. Good luck everyone!”

With that, Pako hopped over the side of the ship and disappeared into the sea with a splash.

“Great,” Daisy said. “I guess we’ll just die then.”

“Wait,” Waluigi said, trying to keep balance as the ship swayed under his feet. “Wanda. You said you can make whales, right?”

“Well, if we were in the Dream World I could, sure,” she said. “Out here, the best I can do is make blocks.”

“Good enough!” Daisy said. She patched herself through to the ship’s speakers to address the crew: “This is your princess speaking! All hands on deck! If you take damage in water or have an air meter, I suggest you get out here ‘cause we’re about to make a break for it!”

Lions and zombies and stonemen and bomb turtles gathered all in a hurry. Everyone crowded the deck with their eyes on Wanda.

“No pressure I guess,” she said. “Geez. Alright.” She pulled out a magic wand and hovered over to the edge of the ship where she flicked it in the air. A white block with a red diamond printed on each side poofed into existence. She flew alongside, waggling her wand and summoning blocks and creating a whole bridge of blocks to walk on.

“Alright! Single file everyone!” Daisy said, directing the traffic of the crowd. “There’s no guardrail, so no shoving! If I see you shoving, I’ll shove YOU!”

The crew clambered onto the block bridge as the ship started to tip, sinking faster and faster into the brine.

“Ye think you’re gettin’ away from me wrath?!” Clawgrip laughed, aiming his next rock. “Have at ye, ye land lovin’ bilge rats!”

The rock smashed through the bridge and sent a tokotoko careening into the deep where he sank, appropriately, like a stone. The crew screamed and trembled, having nowhere to run and finding themselves target practice for Clawgrip.

Daisy maneuvered carefully around her panicking crew to where the next rock was being aimed. She was done with this freebooting shellfish and his buccaneer schtick.

“Wanda!” she waved for attention. “Get ready!”

“Ready for what?” Wanda said.

“Tell Jonathan Jones I sent ye!” Clawgrip shouted as he flung the next boulder. Daisy leapt off the block bridge and caught the boulder in midair. She yanked it over her head and fell.

“Wanda!” she said, “Now!”

The sprixie bolted through the air and summoned a block right under Daisy’s feet just in time to catch her. She looked down at Clawgrip with a vengeful smile.

“Tell him yourself, crabmeat!” she said and returned fire. The stone smashed hard against Clawgrip’s face and sent him reeling across his barge.

“Arrrrrggh!” he said, teetering. “How did ye know… that me one weakness… was having me own rocks thrown back at me…?”

Clawgrip toppled overboard. His legs twitched in the air as he sank from view.

Daisy exhaled. Wanda made a staircase of blocks back to the bridge and they rejoined the others. Behind them, the Daisy Cruiser gave one last gurgle as it dipped below the surface of the sea once and for all.

“Welp,” Daisy said. “Looks like we’re walking to Pi’illo island.”

Chapter Text

Wanda made more than five-hundred and twenty-four blocks. The total number so far was a lot higher than that, but Daisy only started counting five-hundred and twenty-four blocks ago. Five-hundred and twenty-five now.

Wanda groaned as she kept at it. Her pace slowed more and more as the day dwindled and the crew grew antsy. It was like standing in line to not drown.

“Don’t give up Wanda!” Daisy said. “We’re almost there!”

“Yeah!” a crewman said. “You can do it!”

“The blocks behind us are disappearing,” a fighter fly said. “So yeah, pick up the pace.”

“You wanna make the blocks?!” Wanda said, her voice cracking. “This is way harder than it looks y’know!”

“Don’t listen to him! I believe in you!” a tokotoko said. “Also please hurry. I am made of stone.”

“Augh,” Wanda said as she carried on, her wand swings growing sloppy.

The block bridge crept closer to the shore of Pi’illo Island. Apart from being their salvation, it did not look that special. The usual forest, mountain, castle, and desert locales. Did every kingdom have to have a desert? It felt like you could not huck a rock on this planet without hitting some sandy ruins.

Wanda gave out just a few yards before they reached the beach shore. She dropped like a rock and Daisy lunged to snatch her out of the air before she fell in the water.

“Is that it?” Waluigi said. “Couple more and you’re done.”

Wanda replied with an unintelligible gurgle.

Waluigi took off his shoes and dropped off the bridge into the ankle-deep water. “Good enough, I suppose.”

Daisy jumped down to join him and Wanda burbled something else.

“Don’t worry,” Daisy said. “You just rest. I’ll carry you.”

“You’re going to carry her like that?” Waluigi said.

“What’s wrong with how I’m carrying her?!” Daisy said, holding Wanda out by the waist like a rag doll.

“You need to make sure her head is supported!” he said. “Haven’t you ever held a baby before?!”

Daisy scoffed. “Have YOU?”

He looked insulted. He swiped Wanda from her and cradled her gently in the crook of his long arm. Wanda curled up in comfort with a gentle smile.

“See?” he said. “Amateur.”

Daisy felt the white-hot fury of being upstaged. She clicked her tongue and stomped through the water toward the beach. “Whatever! You carry her then.”

The survivors piled off and made their way to dry land, finding themselves near a touristy cobblestone port city. Some of the locals appeared to be beanish, little green people with oblong heads, but most looked like larger, floating, stuffed toy versions of sprixies. A plump yellow one stopped to gawk at Daisy and her crew.

“Oh hey,” he said. “You guys look pretty beat up. Are you more refugees?”

“I guess?” Daisy said. It was certainly one way to describe them. “We just got here.”

“We got a whole camp set up for folks like you! I’ll show you! Come on!”

Waluigi and Daisy exchanged a bewildered glance, but the group followed the hefty pillow man toward the center of town. There was a whole shanty town of tents set up in the middle of plaza and it was crawling with shyguys, tweeters, and ninji. Daisy pointed at them in alarm.

“Minions!” she said.

“They beat us here!” Waluigi said. “Squash ‘em!”

Daisy let out a battle cry and charged towards the nearest terrified shy guy to give it a nice beating, but before she could get to work pummeling, one of the pillow people threw itself between her and the bad guys.

“Stay your hand!” He was smaller but dressed in a fancy red cloak. “I will not allow you to harm these poor souls!”

“Eh?” Daisy let her combat stance droop. “Poor souls?”

She looked and saw most of them were cowering from behind cover.

“Aren’t these hoodlums causing mayhem here?”

The fancy red guy relaxed. “They came to the waking world seeking sanctuary from a tyrant. It is my responsibility as Prince of this isle to ensure their safety.”

“Oh, you’re ROYALTY?” Daisy said, already feeling in better company. “Cool, cool. Me too, if that wasn’t obvious. Hi. I’m Daisy. From Sarasaland?” No reaction. Sigh. “And if you’re in charge of this place that means you’re, uh… What’s-his-face… uh…” She snapped her fingers; the name was on the tip of her tongue.

“Dreambert,” Waluigi said.

“Yes.” Dreambert offered a stiff nod. “I am the leader of the Pi’illo people. Which is why I must ask you not to cause trouble here.”

Daisy held her hands up. “No, sorry! My bad! I thought they were bad guys.”

“Hmph. Typical,” Waluigi said. “Assuming subcon people are bad guys? Just what is your problem?”

“Hey! YOU’RE the one who told me to squash them!”

“Stop shouting!” he said, coddling Wanda against his chest. “You’re going to wake her.”

“Ugh, whatever!” Daisy stomped up to the middle of the shanty town. “Okay everyone, I just learned an important lesson about not making assumptions based on appearances! There’s no need to make this into a thing!”

The refugees peeked out from their hiding places but remained unconvinced. Daisy turned toward Dreambert.

“You said something about them running from a tyrant?”

“Most of them arrived the other day,” Dreambert said. “From what I understand, the frog sorcerer Wart and his gang have returned. I have sent some of my men to check on the situation in the Dream World, but none have returned.”

“That’s PERFECT!” Daisy said.

“Is… it?” Dreambert said, perturbed.

“We’re just the people you need. Me and Waluigi here are already on a heroic quest to trounce this Wart guy. Help us get to Subcon and we’ll take care of him for you.”

“Thank you, but there is no need for that,” Dreambert said. “This matter is extremely dangerous, and I plan to send for Mario to aid our neighbors in Subcon.”

Daisy tensed.

“Okay, about that, listen—”

Waluigi held his free arm across to stop her. “No. Let me tell him.”

“Uh?” Daisy stepped aside, confused.

Waluigi put on a grim face. “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but I have terrible news. Mario is dead.”

Dreambert recoiled in shock. “What…? No, that can’t be true.”

“It was quite tragic, really,” Waluigi said. “The legendary Super Mario felled by a single goomba. I saw it myself. It’s strange to think he would make such a rookie mistake. It was the most humiliating defeat I’ve ever witnessed.”

“Wait that’s—” Daisy started before Waluigi elbowed her, giving her a look. “OH. Ohh. Okay. Yeah. I was there too. And then he like, tripped and fell down a pit too. Into spikes! Yeah! I’ve never seen a more gruesome Game Over in my life.”

“Okay that’s enough,” Waluigi said. “His Highness doesn’t need to hear ALL the grisly details.”

Dreambert floated in the air, beside himself at this news.

“And… you’re sure it was Mario? I’m sorry. I just can’t imagine him failing like that. There must be some mistake.”

“Yeah, the mistake that killed him,” Waluigi said. “A lesson in hubris. No one is immortal, etc. It’s up to us to pick up where he left off and carry on his legacy.”

“That’s right!” Daisy said, brainstorming things to remember. “And on his dying breath, he asked me and Waluigi to stop Wart on his behalf!”

“He whispered that?” Dreambert said. “All the way from the bottom of the pit?”

Daisy hesitated as the rickety tower of lies started to creak.

“…Yes.”

“But what of his steadfast brother, Luigi? While not ideal, surely he can—”

“Flu,” Waluigi said, interrupting. “Out with the flu. Very contagious. Not an option right now.”

“I see.” The prince looked down, floating in the air consumed with a noble grief. It took a moment for him to find the strength to raise his head again. “If it was true that Mario entrusted you with his quest, then I am honor bound to help.”

“Awesome!” Daisy said. “And just so we’re clear, it’s Daisy and Waluigi who are going to do the day saving, okay? You’re going to want to write that down to avoid confusion.”

“Hey, Princess?” A gao sailor said. “If you’re busy with your shenanigans and it’s all the same to you, me and the other crew members were thinking of getting in line for the charity soup kitchen they got here. They’re serving minestrone and that’s just too good to pass up.”

“Sure, knock yourself out,” Daisy said. “Have fun.”

The crew waved goodbye as Dreambert led Daisy and Waluigi off across the island and toward a castle that loomed on the horizon. They followed the winding staircases into the palace. The halls of the castle were populated with more pillow people as well as shelltop toads and brock blockmen all trying to look busy in their sleepy government jobs. Daisy was not impressed. She did not spot a single sporting event organizer or game show studio and it struck her as pathetic even for a kingdom as backwater as this.

Dreambert opened the door to some inner sanctum of the castle, where a large and mystical bed was kept. Luminescent turquoise bedsheets gave off a dancing ethereal light. The purple blackboard was carved deep with mystical runes. Daisy gave the mattress a shove and the bed adjusted its firmness to her exact preference. It was a very inviting bed.

“Subcon is a sacred place,” Dreambert said as he closed the door. “In my day, before my people were resurrected, it was formless place of power where wild dreams became wishes. I understand our cousins the sprixies and the Star Spirits saw fit to give it shape. To cultivate it like a garden, to nurture the best dreams to become reality.”

“We didn’t ask for a history lesson,” Waluigi said.

Dreambert looked wistful. “Forgive me. I was just thinking on how my people were tasked with protecting it. Perhaps if we had been here then Wart would have never found his way there.”

“You’re right,” Waluigi said with surprising anger. “You should’ve been there. Now stop wasting time and open the way in.”

Dreambert took a deep breath. “I’ll act as the conduit. One of you will need to stay behind to sleep and act as our anchor to the waking world.”

“Oh good, we can just use Wanda then,” Daisy said.

“Buh?” Wanda said, stirring in Waluigi’s arms.

“Shh,” Waluigi cooed. “It’s fine. We got this. Go back to sleep.”

Wanda resumed dozing and Waluigi gently sat her down on the bed. She settled and looked exceedingly comfy. Dreambert went POOF and turned into a luxurious red pillow.

“Have her sleep on me and the portal will open.”

“Uh, okay.” This was getting a little weird, but Daisy rolled with it. She slipped Wanda’s little noggin onto the Dreambert pillow and a swirling portal opened over the bed with a magical WHUM sound.

“Stars be with you!” Dreambert said, soft enough to not wake Wanda. “My duties prevent me from escorting you, but I am counting on you to honor Master Mario’s dying wish!”

“Got it,” Daisy said. She exchanged a nod with Waluigi, and the two took a running leap into the Dream World.

Chapter Text

Daisy tumbled, weightless, through a tie-dye sky of clouds. It did not feel like falling, it felt like the world around them was falling. Waluigi clung to his hat and swam through the air past her, touching down on a cloud like solid ground. He offered a hand to help her down and she ignored it, opting to land on her own. To her surprise, she sailed right through the cloud.

“What am I doing wrong?!” she said.

“Pretend like it’s solid!” Waluigi said. “The Dream World will take a minute to connect.”

Daisy made another pass at landing, this time forcing herself to accept Waluigi’s hand. He presumed to steady her by the waist over the cloud, and the ground firmed beneath her. She was about to tell him off when she saw the world around them take shape. Tall boxy green hills with wavy patterns erupted all around them, bean stalk vines reached for a robin’s egg blue sky, ostro birds dashed across open plains, and dozens of waterfalls sparkled in the distance.

“Huh,” Daisy said. She glanced up at Waluigi who continued to hold her and watched as the Dream World came into focus. He turned his attention back to her with eyes softened with a mote of concern. She had an insult ready, something about how a ghoul like him had no right to touch her, but found herself lingering in the moment with him.

“It looks pretty good, right?” Wanda said. “I told you it was beautiful!”

“Buh-wha?!” Daisy pushed Waluigi aside before anyone had reason to comment on the physical contact. “Wanda? What’re you doing here?!”

She looked confused. “What’d you mean?”

“Aren’t we like, inside of your head or something?”

“Oh, don’t be silly! I’m not Wanda, I’m Dreamy Wanda. The part of her heart that’s connected to the Dream World right now!”

Waluigi cleared his throat. “She’s, ah… acting as the gateway. She’ll also be our lifeline to get back. Think of her as a projection of the real Wanda. But keep in mind that unlike her, you and I are PHYSICALLY in this world. Meaning we can get hurt.”

“Yeah!” Wanda said, “So don’t die!”

“I suppose you two know more about this than I would,” Daisy said. “Where do we go from here?”

“Let’s go to the palace,” Wanda said. “The king probably knows what’s going on!”

“Ehhh…” Waluigi mumbled something and looked away. “Nah. Let’s not waste our time on that clown. I say we just scout around and see if any civilians stuck around.”

“What’s wrong with talking to the king?” Daisy said. “Do you got something against royalty?!”

He looked down at her. “Apart from how monarchies demand taxes with no guarantee of government representation for the working class?”

“Hey!” Daisy said. “I make sure my citizens are well taken care of!”

Waluigi threw out his arms. “You used tax money to build a personal cruise ship with a baseball stadium on it!”

Daisy stumbled to think of an argument. “Okay,” she said. “But in my defense, it was a really cool ship.”

“That’s true,” Waluigi said.

“Anyway, our goal is to find and stop this Wart guy, right? Is there a reason NOT to ask the king for information?”

Waluigi looked away. He was hiding something.

“What’s wrong?” Daisy said.

“Nothing,” he said.

She sighed. “Look, what if Wart has already taken over the castle? Wouldn’t it make sense to check there first?”

“Ugh!” Waluigi threw his head back in frustration. “Fine! We’ll go to the castle if it will make you happy! Sheesh!” He stomped off and Daisy and Wanda followed him.

His foul mood persisted as they made their way across Subcon. It was obvious there was something bothering Waluigi but it felt too awkward to pry. He clearly did not want to talk about it.

They hopped their way up the path of the long hill they were climbing and Waluigi and Wanda froze when they crested the summit. Ahead, the hillocks gave way to ruin. The idyllic fields of the Dream World were scarred by long gashes and chasms boiling with angry black mist.

“Is this normal?” Daisy said. “I have no point of reference. I’m getting the vibe this is not normal.”

“It is not,” Waluigi said.

Ostro birds and hoopster ladybugs fled across the terrain below as fissures opened under their feet. Some tumbled into the mist while others escaped. The three of them crossed paths with the critters as they descended, but by the time they reached the bottom, the path ahead resembled an ice floe: Fractured patches of land drifting on a cruel sea. It was only after they had a chance to take it all in that they thought to look up. High in the clouds above the mountains, a stone palace sat overlooking it all. The world around the castle was contorted, the sky a black hole, like it was pulling the rest of the Dream World toward it, sucking it in.

Daisy pointed at the palace. “Okay, that’s gotta be the problem right there. Right?”

“Wow. Nice detective work,” Waluigi said. “I don’t think we’re walking there.”

“Well, we can’t just turn back! We need to think of something,” Daisy said.

“Don’t worry!” Wanda said. “I got this one, I think!”

She shut her eyes and clenched her fists, concentrating. An extra Wanda, an exact duplicate, popped into existence right next to her. And then another appeared, and another and another, bursting to life like popcorn kernels until there was a whole battalion of Wandas. Daisy gaped. How? There was not a single double cherry in sight.

“Is THIS normal?”

“Extremely normal,” Waluigi said. “She’s dreaming so she can do things like this here.”

Daisy gave up trying to follow the rules of this place.

“I have an idea, guys!” All the Wandas said simultaneously.

“Oh, ew, don’t all speak at the same time, that’s creepy,” Daisy said.

“Sorry! Oops, I mean, sorry.”

The Wandas flew off and came back working together to carry a red tree log.

“Get on!” A Wanda said. “I’ll give you a ride up to the castle!”

Daisy did not feel at ease being carried into the stratosphere by a team of wimpy sprixies hefting a big hunk of wood. But Waluigi got on without complaint so now she HAD to get on to avoid looking like a coward. They rose off the ground, unsteady at first, but the Wandas pumped their wings hard and fast and then they were soaring.

“Hang on!” Wanda said, and Daisy did.  

The world darkened as they approached the castle in the clouds. Searchlights swung across the unnatural night sky and the low rumble of music could be heard. The castle was a concert hall, complete with red carpet and velvet rope. All of Subcon spiraled toward it like a whirlpool and even they barreled toward it.

“Slow down!” Waluigi said. “You’re going too fast!”

“I can’t!” Wanda said, her doubles now all trying to flap against the air current.

Daisy readied herself and jumped off just before Wanda and the log crashed. She tucked into a graceful roll and got up to survey the damage.

A dozen Wandas were sprawled out, moaning and sore, while Waluigi was stuck upside down in the clouds.

A ninji with a little bowtie waddled up to them. “You here for the concert? Valet parking for your ride is only five coins!”

“Uh, sure,” Daisy said.

The ninji exchanged her coins for a claim ticket and dragged the log out of sight.

Daisy took a moment to collect the scattered Wandas into one pile and pluck Waluigi from the ground. They shook off their stupor and took in their surroundings. The concert hall was lit up against a pitch-black void. Posters were plastered over every surface advertising the world tour of Wart and the 8-Bits. The whole place vibrated with the tuning of instruments and the chatter of unseen people.

“He really has taken over the palace again,” Waluigi said.

The front gate appeared to be converted into a ticketing area complete with turnstiles. Daisy looked around for a better point of entry but was interrupted when a red door with a white knocker POOFED into existence in the air overhead. The door swung open, a human man tumbled out onto the ground, and the door vanished.

“Oh no!” Wanda said. She fused with her doubles and raced over to check on the man.

Daisy hurried over to help. He was unhurt, even though at first glance he appeared stretched and deformed. He was dressed in a suit and a fedora and was freakishly tall with tiny facial features. Odds are he was from New Donk City or nearby. Daisy knew the humans around that area had bizarre body proportions.

 “Are you okay?” Wanda said.

“Well, this is a fine how do you do!” the New Donker got to his feet and adjusted his hat. “Now just how did I get to this cockamamie cloud castle? Last thing I recall, I was out having my morning constitutional when I was accosted by a pack of colorful rapscallions!”

 Waluigi examined the man, checking his eyes, prodding him, and lifting a handful of coins from his back pocket.

“You’re dreaming,” Waluigi concluded. “Which is peculiar. Wahhh. Dreamers shouldn’t appear this deep inside Subcon.”

“Why not?” Daisy said.

“Security risk,” Waluigi said. “The castle is connected to the Stars and the Dream Depot through the Dream Machine. This place is supposed to be protected by Sprixie magic.”

“Someone must have brought him here by force!” Wanda said.

“But why?” Daisy said. “He looks like a random nobody.”

“I resent that remark!” The New Donker said. “Why, I’ll have you know I maintain an extremely important newspaper delivery route!”

More doors poofed into existence overhead, dumping a truckload of misshapen New Donker men and women onto the ground alongside a single yellow macaw parrot wearing a cowboy hat. The mound of victims groaned out quips of “Well, I never!” and “What in blazes?!” as they untangled themselves.

“It’s lookin’ like another batch is ready!”

Daisy turned and spotted a team of snifits blocking the way back. They aimed their gun muzzle mouths at the group.

“Alright yous chumps!” a blue snifit said, moving in. “Do as we say and no one has to get hurt!”

There was a general murmur of agreement among the New Donkers that they were all in favor of going unharmed. Daisy rolled up her sleeves, getting ready to brawl.

“Wait,” Waluigi said. “Let’s see where this goes first.”

Daisy gave him an annoyed look but put down her dukes. She supposed she could thrash these losers as the need arose but still hated to get bossed around by enemy cannon fodder. She swallowed her pride and allowed them to lead the way inside.

Chapter Text

The snifits marched them into the palace past a wide array of guards, spike traps, and locked doors. Menacing red and white masks decorated the walls alongside the numerous band posters. They came to a halt outside a massive auditorium while the snifits consulted with a seating chart.

“What’s the hold up?!” Daisy said.

“Shuddap you!” a snifit said. “We’re trying to figure out where best to sit you bozos.”

Waluigi tapped Daisy on the shoulder to get her attention and then pointed off to a door in the corner with a helpful sign reading “Hostage Room.” Daisy pulled Wanda along and the three of them snuck away from the group while their captors were distracted.

The door creaked open into a hall with rows and rows of dungeon cells. Some of the prisoners responded to the noise by peering out of their cells at them. Wanda gasped.

“Sprixies!” she said. “This is where they’re keeping the subcon sprixies!”

The sprixies murmured and whined for help from their cells as the three of them. Most of them wore red footie pajamas and had dweeby green bowl cut hairdos. They looked like prime rescue material.   

Daisy swaggered in and gave one of the cell doors a firm rattle. It clanged on its deadbolt but would not budge. No good. She was not strong enough to tear it open. Not yet, anyway.

“I’m afraid a sturdy door like that requires a key,” a voice said.

They turned to see a tall man inside one of the cells. He wore sunglasses and a purple suit adorned with an oversized ribbon bowtie. He had spiked blonde hair, a brown mustache, and a large, hooked nose. There was something familiar about him.

“Ah,” he said, noticing Waluigi. “I must say, I did not expect to see my own son here of all places. I’d grown accustomed to the idea that you hated me and your homeland.”

Waluigi banged his fist against the cell bars and startled him. “I ain’t here for YOU, old man. I’ve got my own reasons to be here.”

“Then you’ve fallen in with that Wart and his gang, have you?” He let out a beleaguered sigh. “I suspected as much. I regret being so lenient with you when you were a child. Perhaps then I could’ve kept you from straying so far from the path of virtue.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Waluigi said. “I’d be me with or without your meddling.”

Daisy looked between the two men, her eyes widening as the family resemblance sank in.

“Did I hear that right?” she said. “This guy is your father?!”

The suited man took a step back in his cell to perform an extravagant bow. “Commander Reverie of Subcon at your service.” He stood up. “And yes, as much as it pains me, I must take credit for fathering this thug of a man.”

Waluigi grunted in disgust.

“You didn’t tell us you had a father!” Wanda said.

“I did mention it,” Waluigi said, folding his arms. “But I loathe the reminder.”

It was difficult for Daisy to process the idea that Waluigi had a family and was not just dumped in a ditch somewhere by the storks. She did her best to accept this reality and press on.

“Listen: we’re not with the 8-bits,” Daisy said. “Waluigi and I, and to a lesser extent Wanda, are here to save everybody.”

Reverie adjusted his sunglasses. “Hm! So, a lady of your beauty and refinement would stand against Wart? Remarkable! I have not seen the like of it since Princess Peach herself came to our aid back when—”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Daisy said, annoyed.

“Fair warning, however. I doubt my son would help with this without some ulterior motive. Be careful he does not betray you.”

“Shut up and tell us how to help you already!” Waluigi said.

“I’m afraid Wart himself has hidden the key,” Reverie said. “Somehow he returned more powerful than ever.”

“How could you let Wart take over again?” Waluigi said. “You should’ve killed him when you had the chance!”

The commander pinched his brow. “His Majesty has a soft heart. He preferred to seal Wart away in Subspace rather than execute him.”

“Well, it looks like he clawed his way out of wherever that is and managed to make a wish on the Sundream Stone.” Daisy said.

Reverie looked up. “That would explain why the sprixies here have lost their magic. We did not stand a chance.”

“What’s he even want with this place anyway?” Daisy said.

“Whoever controls Subcon controls the Dream Depot,” Reverie said. “All dreams must travel through here to reach Star Hill, where they can crystalize into wishes that can come true. It is our responsibility to make sure that no evil dreams can become evil wishes and be granted.”

Waluigi sneered. “And we’re all so glad that you’re here to pass judgment on good and evil for us.”

Reverie locked eyes with him. “And I suppose you think that sorcerer, Wart, will do a better job?”

 “At least a tyrant doesn’t pretend to treat everyone equal,” Waluigi said.

“Cut it out!” Wanda said, fluttering between them. “We’re here to help, so stop fighting!”

“Bah,” Reverie said.

“Wah,” Waluigi said.

“Whatever,” Daisy growled. “All we need to do is take the key back, right? Let’s go thrash Wart and get it over with!” 

“Wait!” Reverie gripped the bars of his cell. “If Wart has had a wish granted, things are much worse than I thought. It is much too dangerous for you to confront him! But if you could get word to a hero, perhaps Mario then…”

“We can handle Wart!” Daisy said.

“You just sit there and wait, got it?” Waluigi said. “We’re doing things my way this time!”

The two of them swept toward the exit, leaving Wanda behind.

“Uh,” Wanda said. “Don’t worry! We’re definitely going to save you! …I think.”

“Hurry up!” Daisy said, holding the door for Wanda. She zipped through to join them.  

The main hall was vacant. It looked like the snifits had moved on with the New Donkers already. The auditorium just ahead seemed the best place to search for Wart. Daisy looked over at Waluigi. His sneer was dour, lacking the humor and mischief that made it so fun.

“You don’t get along with your dad, huh?”

Waluigi made a noise somewhere between a grunt, scoff, and a growl. Which was basically a yes.

It was hard for Daisy to imagine having such a strained relationship with family. She was grateful for her own father, no matter how bumbling he could be. Mom was… demanding back when she was around but it was only ever for Daisy’s own good. No matter how hard it got Daisy could never hate her the way Waluigi seemed to hate his father. But maybe that was because she still remembered what it was like to live without family.

They entered the auditorium to find a giant ornate opera stage with vast rows and tiers of seating, enough to fit a whole kingdom. It was all red velvet curtains and extravagantly carved wood molding. The craftsmanship on every fixture and seat was incredible.

“Mmmhff!”

A muffled cry drew Daisy’s attention. Oh. There were hostages too.

“My yoshis!” Wanda said, racing toward a rainbow assortment of yoshis who were muzzled and chained down to a row of seats. “What are you all doing here?!”

“Mrrmmff!” they looked up at her, helpless. Daisy felt a stab of pity as the yoshis struggled with their bindings.

“These are the yoshis from your forest?” Daisy said. “The ones who can’t wake up?”

“Yeah! These must be their dreamy counterparts!”

“Those New Donkers are over there!” Waluigi said, pointing at a row of balconies. “They’ve got people from all over chained up!”

“Then let’s untie everyone and get them out of here!” Wanda said.

“Not so fast, small fry.”

The lights shut off and cast the room into complete black. Spotlights snapped open with a SHUNT and lit up the stage with a blinding glow. Shy guys sprinted across the stage carrying buckets of dry ice, spreading a mysterious fog. A trap door opened, and an elevator stage rose from the depths carrying a massive, robed figure. Sparklers and fireworks went off as a rotund frog man came into view and struck a fabulous pose. He was Bowser-sized, with a crown and blue robe with gold trim. A coin medallion dangled on a gold chain around his neck. He smirked.

“I’m so flattered you’d show up to our dress rehearsal,” he said, cloying and warbling, “I’m sure we can find a seat for you if you ask nicely.”

“You must be Wart!” Daisy said, pointing.

He clasped a claw over his heart. “Guilty. There really is no hiding from one’s public. Though, a real fan might know me better as the Artist Formerly Known as Mamu. But you aren’t even a casual fan are you? You’re those interlopers who keep causing trouble: The gangly schemer and the Peach look-alike, whatever your names are.”

“That’s DAISY and WALUIGI!” Daisy said through gritted teeth. “I get why you don’t know who HE is, but I’m a PRINCESS! I run a whole COUNTRY for Stars sake! It’s not that hard!”

Wart chuckled. “No one cares about politics, sweetie. Not when you’ve got entertainers like us stealing the show! And soon eyes and ears the world over will be focused squarely on ME and at last I will finally get the respect I deserve!”

“Not if we get you to croak first, you bug-munching windbag!” Waluigi said.

“Just try it,” Wart said and spat out a barrage of bubbles that arched through the air and slammed into the floor and furniture with the force of bowling balls. Waluigi pulled Wanda out of the way of the next wave and he and Daisy dodged around the saliva salvo as woodwork burst and splintered around them. The orchestra pit burst into life as a band of shy guys, tweeters, and ninji struck up a suitably epic final boss tune. Daisy and Waluigi charged down the alley and managed to leap on stage where they stood off against the overgrown toad.

“Not bad!” Wart said. “But can you handle this?”

He lifted a hand and inky black energy gathered in his palm. The audience screamed behind their gags and thrashed as swirl of rainbow stardust shot out of them and gathered inside the black orb.

“Augh!” Wanda groaned as energy was siphoned out of her tiny body. Waluigi held her, eyes wide in alarm.

“He’s targeting the dreamers!” Waluigi said.

Wart clenched the ball of power and it snapped. A glow of star speckled dark energy enveloped his whole body, and his grin somehow became even more smug.

“What’d you do to them?!” Daisy cried.

“Don’t worry about it!” Wart said. “It’s nothing compared to what I’m about to do to YOU.”

Daisy cracked her knuckles and stomped towards the frog. She was done talking. She reared back and slammed her fist square in his gut.

Or that’s what should have happened. Instead, a luminous black force field caught her fist before she could make contact. Wart looked down at her and chuckled at her effort. Daisy wasn’t about to be denied the satisfaction and laid into the forcefield with a quintuple punch combo and roundhouse kick that did not so much as put a scratch in the barrier. Wart’s chuckle turned into full borne laughter. He flicked her nose with the tip of his finger and it hit like a truck. Daisy sailed backward off stage and crashed into the theater pit seating where she lay sprawled and unable to move.

An explosion shook Daisy out of her stupor. She looked up and saw Waluigi fishing bob-ombs out of the stage pyrotechnics rigging and hucking them one after another at Wart.

“Give up!” Waluigi said, not letting up until every last bob-omb was thrown, “Wyahh! You’ll never defeat the Great Waluigi!”

The smoke cleared and Daisy’s heart sank. Wart was unharmed and worse, he was laughing. He wiped a tear away and flicked it at Waluigi. It exploded on contact and a charred Waluigi collapsed to his knees.

“Wah,” he said before slumping onto the floor. “Everyone cheating but me…”

Wart swept back toward center stage. “Well, this has been fun but a big name like me does not have the free time to squander on nobodies like you two. I’ve got my world tour to plan and dream gems to collect, you understand. Which is why I can’t have clowns like you interfering!”

Daisy strained to move her body, crawling across the debris back towards the stage. She could still fight. There was no way this was over yet.

“Now, I bet you’re wondering what could possibly be worse than having your dreams sucked out,” Wart said. “Are you ready? I bet the suspense is killing you.”

Wart held out his hand and the cosmic energy gathered there again. He slammed his fist into the stage and a shockwave rumbled through the foundation of the castle. The ground around Daisy started to melt into inky black slime and she sank. She thrashed to get out and spat but could find nothing solid to grab onto. She saw the limp bodies of Waluigi and Wanda disappear into the black before her and started to panic.

Wart waved goodbye as goop filled Daisy’s vision.

“Have fun in Subspace, darlings,” he said.

And then everything went black.

Chapter Text

“Wake up! The princess is here today! You’re gonna miss it!”

Daisy tried to open her eyes but found it too hard. She rolled over on her cot and curled up tight in her blanket. A warm, heavy slumber was about to claim her when Chibibo jumped up on the cot until she sat up.

“Quit it! Ugh!” Daisy said, swatting at him. “Fine, I’m up!”

“Don’t be mean to me!” Chibibo said. “You made me promise not to let you miss the princess!”

Daisy looked around, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. The orphanage was the same as it was every day, but something felt weird. Like something was off but she did not know what. She was dreaming before Chibibo woke her up, dreaming about something important, but now that she was awake it all slipped from her mind.

Whatever. It was not like it mattered. Today was her big chance and there was no way she was going to mess up. She ran across the old creaking floorboards to get dressed.

Ms. Peony ladled out the very last of the porridge into a bowl for Daisy’s breakfast. Daisy frowned at the itty-bitty serving.

“There’s barely any left!”

“Then you ought to have gotten up early,” Ms. Peony huffed. She was a grumpy old pionpi zombie who had forgotten what fun was like a long time ago.  

“Fine,” Daisy said and gulped her food down in one go and ran outside to join the others. Missing out was the story of her life, but that would change after today.

Basil, Chibibo, Rose, Bryony and Poppy were already outside, either running around the half-broken playground or talking.

“Should I play too?” Daisy asked Chibibo. “Do you think the princess will like me better if I look happy or if I look serious?”

Chibibo punted his favorite kickball, which was the only one that still had air in it. “How should I know? I’ve never met the princess!”

Chibibo was a chibibo. A lot of kids were named after their species, especially if their parents wanted their kid to be the best parts of their race. Sometimes Daisy wondered if her name would have been Human if she had parents.

Chibibo were a breed of goomba that were smaller than a regular goomba but bigger than a micro goomba. Chibibo told Daisy before that this meant he was the best of any kind of goomba. Daisy was not so sure. She figured it meant he was not any good at being big and bad at being small.

Poppy the fighter fly buzzed over with a naked plastic toy doll in each arm. “Don’t even bother Daisy. She’s going to pick whoever the cutest is. You haven’t got a chance!”

“I do so!” Daisy said, pointing at the massive bow she was wearing for the occasion. “This proves I’m the cutest, and that means you have to shut up!”

 Bryony the tokotoko waddled over to join the conversation. “The princess doesn’t have to adopt any of us, y’know. All Ms. Peony said is she is gonna visit.”

“That’s dumb,” Daisy said. “Don’t be dumb, Bryony.”

“Nobody comes to an orphanage just to visit!” Poppy said.

“Yeah, idiot!” Basil said. “You dumb stupid idiot.”

“She might pick the person who’s nicest,” Chibibo said.

A stunned silence fell over the group as they considered this idea.

“No, it’s going to be the cutest,” Poppy said. “Moron.”

Ms. Peony appeared out the back door of the orphanage. “Children!” She said. “The princess is here, out front! You must not keep her waiting!”

Daisy and the others elbowed and shoved each other to be first before slowing down to a well-behaved stroll the moment they were in eyeshot of the princess.

It was the first time Daisy had ever seen her. Princess Merlana was slender and tall, wrapped tight in mystical starry robes. She was a shaman, whatever that was. It was tough to tell what she looked like since her face was a dark shadow under her hood and crown, but her eyes glowed a bright, piercing red. They were sharp. Always on the tip of decision.

Her husband, the royal consort, stood next to her. He looked dopey and handsome and nice, dressed up and paying more attention to the birds in the trees than anything going on. He was human. Daisy hoped that meant the princess liked humans.

“These are all the children you have on offer?” her voice was like icy water.  

Ms. Peony curtsied, looking a bit scared. “Ah… yes, your highness. If I had known you were looking, I would not have found families for so many!”

“Hmph. No matter. It is my own fault. I ought to have waged more wars if I wanted options.”

The princess studied the children. Daisy tried to will the princess to pick her. Their eyes met, and Daisy realized she was glaring. She stood up straight and tried to smile as cute as she could. The princess chuckled at her, which made Daisy feel much worse.

“Good morning, orphans. I have come here today for a special reason. For many years, I have wanted for a child of my own, and yet the storks did not deign to bless me with one.” She lifted one of her long arms, holding out her palm. “Our kingdom allows only the best and strongest to rule. I have held the crown for many years, but soon I will be too old and decrepit to keep it. That is why I wish to see if one of you is fit to become my legacy.”

“Oh, pick me!” Chibibo said. “I’m great.”

“Perhaps I will,” the princess said, “If you prove yourself worthy.” She looked to her husband. “Make the preparations.”

“Okey doke!” he said.

A racetrack was drawn around the outskirts of the orphanage with little flags stuck in the ground. The first to the finish line would be the winner. This was not what Daisy was expecting.

“THIS is how you’re gonna pick your new kid?” she said.

“Daisy!” Miss Peony scolded, but the princess waved her away.

“Do you presume to have a better idea?” the princess said.

Daisy hesitated. It felt like she was on the edge of being in trouble.

“We thought you were going to pick whoever was the cutest!” She pointed at her bow. “Did I put this on for nothing?!”

The princess shook her head. “Charisma is important, but I have already judged each of you on that front among other traits. Consider this a chance to make up for lost ground.”

 Daisy understood half of that, and it did not sound good. She hurried to the starting line.

The Princess snapped her fingers and they sparked like lightning. Everyone bolted forward, kicking and shoving to be first. Bryony was made of rocks and kicked hardest, so she got an early lead but toddled along too slow to stay in first place. Chibibo ran so fast he got way ahead but wore himself out right away and fell down panting. It was not too hard to get ahead of Rose, she was a nokobon turtle, but she kept up and showed no sign of slowing. Daisy rounded the corner for the homestretch and knew it was time to let loose. She pulled ahead of everyone and that’s when it happened. Basil the scuttlebug spider spat a bit of web on Daisy’s foot and it stuck to the ground.

“No!” Daisy said, struggling to get unstuck. “You cheater!”

Basil blew a raspberry as he and Poppy raced neck and neck. Daisy tore herself free and threw herself back into the race, heart pounding. But it was too late. Poppy dodged around web blasts and zipped right over the finish line before anyone else.

Daisy slowed as she caught up, still huffing. “That’s not fair! I didn’t get to race right! We gotta do a do-over!”

“What? No!” Poppy said. “You’re just mad you lost! Get over it!”

“But Basil cheated!”

“I did not!”

“So what if she did?” Rose said. “Basil didn’t even win. That doesn’t even matter.”

Daisy spun to face the Princess. “Make us race again! I can win! I can do it this time! Please!”

The princess tilted her head at Daisy before turning to Poppy. “Your rival wishes to race again. Do you accept that challenge?”

“What? Why should I?!” Poppy said. “I already won! Everybody saw that I’m the best! Why should I have to go and prove myself again?”

“And what about the rest of you?”

There was a general groan at the idea of racing again.

“Do we have to?” Chibibo said, lying on his side from exhaustion. “What’s even the point? I know I can’t win.”

“It sounds as though no one else wants to compete, little one,” the princess said.

“Whatever! I don’t care! I’ll race by myself! Just let me try again! I know I can do this! Please!”

The princess was quiet, staring down at Daisy in a way that made her nervous.

“What is your name, child?” the princess said at last.

“Daisy.”

The Princess turned to Ms. Peony. “I have made my decision. I will take this Daisy into my tutelage. Henceforth, she will belong to me.”

“What?!” Poppy said, thrashing all her arms in the arm. “But I won the race! You’re supposed to pick me!”

The princess smiled. “I never said I would pick the winner. And I never said that was the only test. If you wanted to be my child, you ought to have been more tenacious. I have no use for a lazy girl who would refuse a challenge.”

Poppy’s mouth hung open in despair. It was the most amazing thing Daisy had ever seen. The royal consort bent down to pick Daisy up.

“Daisy,” the Princess said. “If you are to be my daughter you must know that I will expect you to win. Even if you lose, you must win, and win, and never stop. You must not show weakness and you must make a mark on this world. Do you accept these terms?”

“Okay!”

There was a flash of pitch-black dark. The whole world in silhouette with ghosts all around. A red and white mask. Daisy blinked and shook her head. When she opened her eyes, she could make out the shape of her mother’s shadowy face smiling down at her.  

“Then it is a deal.”

Chapter Text

“Really?” mom said. “Third place again?”

Daisy’s head swam. For a moment, it felt like she was somewhere else. Maybe she would rather be anywhere else than here right now. She gripped the dinky little bronze trophy and the daze passed. She was at home in her room at the palace. All she wanted to do was change out of her track uniform and cry.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” Daisy said. “I’m training as hard as I can.”

Mother flowed across the room, peering into Daisy’s giant and mostly empty trophy case.

“You will keep training, of course. And harder than before.”

Daisy was not sure that was possible. Her days were packed tight with pushups and weights and squats and jogging and long hours with her nose pressed into books on diplomacy and military tactics. She threw her whole heart and soul into that work every day, which is why her heart shattered when she fell short. If her work was not enough, if she was not enough, what was even the point?

She clenched her teeth. No. This was not about just her. Mom did not play fair.

“Maybe I’d have a chance if I weren’t competing against you,” Daisy said.

Princess Merlana did not even turn to look at Daisy.

“There will always be someone better. When I am gone, others will take my place. Perhaps they will be even stronger than I, though I regret not living to see that.” She smiled at the phantom of her reflection in the glass. “The four kings will tear this kingdom and each other apart to take power. To rule, you must be beyond challenge. You must rise above, and you must win.”

Daisy turned her trophy in her hand. It was a small and flimsy hunk of scrap, more insult than a reward. She would have liked it more if they had given her nothing. If she came home empty handed then at least she would not be burdened with this reminder of her failure. Her throat tightened as she thought about how many more of these awful things she would have to carry. The weight was too much. She hurled the trophy across the room. It smashed into a shelf, spilling plush toys and books onto the floor.

Mother turned to look, and Daisy felt the prickle of white-hot shame. The princess knelt to pick up the now dented trophy.

“You will need this,” she said. “The frustration you feel seeing this thing is a foothold for you to climb higher. You cannot afford to forget this anger. Hold onto it.”

“Why?!” Daisy said, stepping closer. “We both know I can’t do this, so why should I bother?! You should’ve left me to rot in that orphanage and found someone better! Someone who can actually do what you want! Someone perfect!”

 The world blinked.

“Perhaps I should have,” the Princess said, rising to her full height. “But even I made mistakes and you are mine. If I had been smart, I would’ve taken in one of the Star Children. But that die was cast already, and I have no choice now but to make do with you.”

The sense of déjà vu broke. That was not what mother said. It was supposed to be something else. But that did not make any sense. This was happening, right now, and she said what she said. Daisy pressed a hand against her growing headache.

“No doubt you will struggle against them,” mother said. “You will train twice or three times as hard as them just to keep up. But you’ll do it, won’t you? Because what are you if you don’t? A worthless, lonely little orphan good only at causing trouble. A third-place trophy at best that I must carry around and pretend as if it is anything but an insult. And I will do it with a smile because fate is cruel.”

Daisy staggered back into the corner as mother’s starry cloak filled the room. She felt as if she were shrinking as mother’s piercing red eyes bore into her. A half-remembered dream twisted in Daisy’s head, a dream where mother had held her in her arms and whispered sweet nothings of belief in her. Maybe that was what Daisy wanted to happen. But this was the truth. This felt true. Every word from mother hit with the razor sting of reality.

 “You are an ungrateful child. I fished you out from the trash and gave you luxury and purpose. Can you imagine how many others would die for what you have? And you repay that debt with tantrums and failure. I have done everything possible to make you into something of worth. And yet here we are. I will crumble to dust and watch my kingdom slide into ruin all because of you. But perhaps it is not too late for me to find someone else. Someone better. I will think on that while I watch you play tennis. The tournament this week is another opportunity to disappoint me. I suggest you go practice.”

Daisy held herself, head down. She nodded, trying not to spill even a drop of the despair filling her up to the brim. She could not show weakness. She could not be a failure. She shuffled out of the room to the gymnasium, wanting badly to be something. To be anything.

Chapter Text

The machine whirred and spat a tennis ball out across the court. Daisy swung her racket and missed. She wiped the tears from her face to see better and huffed.

“I can do this,” she muttered. The machine replied with a THWOK and another ball sailed towards her. She fixed her eyes on the ball, concentrating, and whiffed the shot again.

Daisy howled in frustration. It was never this hard. The tournament was only in a few days and if she failed this time it meant everything was for nothing. That she was nothing.

The next ball shot towards her, but the sharp shriek of a window opening distracted her. The ball bounced right off her head and she threw down her racket in frustration.

Some boy climbed in through the window to her left. Scrawny, pointy nose, and dressed like a purple butler. Daisy stomped over to him, ready to beat him senseless.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” she said. “This is a PRIVATE part of the palace and I am daughter to the Princess!”

The boy was breathless and panicked, as he should be. But he did not seem concerned with what Daisy was saying.

“Daisy, I know this won’t make any sense to you right now, but we need to get out of here NOW.”

She narrowed her eyes. “How do you know my name?”

The boy growled. “We don’t have time to explain! We need to find Wanda and get out of here before the dream shifts!”

Daisy scoffed. “I’m not going anywhere! I’m in the middle of training!”

“That doesn’t matter! None of this is real! Just trust me! Please!”

“This is absurd. How do you expect me to believe anything you’re saying unless you explain yourself?”

The boy sighed. He seemed to want to avoid this. “We’re in Subspace right now, the dark side of the Dream World. People aren’t supposed to stay here for this long. Wanda is dreaming, so if we can find her before she wakes up then we can use her to get out of here!”

The world blinked. A ripple of black spread across the wall and enveloped the gymnasium. The boy flailed back in fright as the blackness surrounded them.

“Wahh! We took too long!” He turned toward Daisy, grabbing her by the hands. “I need you to listen! This is important!”

Daisy pulled back in shock, blushing at the sensation of his large hands around hers.

“I’m Waluigi. This isn’t real. We’re going to stop Wart and be heroes together! Remember that and you can break out of the nightmare!”

Daisy woke up in the orphanage.

Her head ached. She sat up, dizzy or feverish. Her heart raced but she did not know why.

The door opened and Chibibo scampered into the room.

“Wake up! The princess is here today! You’re gonna miss it!”

Daisy looked at the dumb and familiar face of Chibibo and felt her panic start to subside. She swallowed. It must have all been a bad dream. She was at home and everything was fine. But part of her could not relax. Something about the nightmare felt incredibly important, something she must not forget. She tried to remember why, but the details sloughed off her brain. Something about a boy. He was upset and wanted something.

Chibibo stuck his head into view. “What’s wrong? You look upset!”

“Shut up!” Daisy shoved him away. “I need to think!”

“Hey! Don’t be mean to me! You made me PROMISE not to let you miss the Princess!”

That’s right. The Princess was visiting today. This was Daisy’s chance to be adopted and adopted by the coolest mom in the whole of Sarasaland. That was why she was so worked up, right?

The blood rushed to Daisy’s head as she stepped out of bed. Her body felt wrong. It was too small, like she needed a Super Mushroom. Maybe she was sick. She staggered across the room to get ready for the princess, but that creepy feeling would not go away.

“Hurry!” Chibibo said. “She could get here at any minute!”

“Nuh-uh!” Daisy said. She had plenty of time. The Princess would not show up until they were all playing in the yard.

She dropped the big bow she was about to put on. How did she know when the princess would arrive? The feeling of dread swelled in the pit of her stomach. She could not tell the future, but she knew, knew for a fact, the princess did not visit until way later. Daisy turned toward the mirror. Something was strange. It was her, but she did not remember all of what she looked like back then. The longer she stared at her reflection, looking for detail, the more the image blurred.  

“Don’t you want to have breakfast?” Chibibo said.

“Shut up!” Daisy said.

The boy in the dream tried to warn her about something. Was it this? She touched the mirror and her head hurt trying to remember anything more. The harder she grasped for it the faster it drifted away.

“What’s going on?!” she said.

“Don’t yell!” Chibibo said, his face twisting into a sneer. “You have to be good if you want to be adopted. Do you think the princess will want you if you can’t even behave?!”

“She doesn’t care about that!” Daisy said. Mom did not care about being good, she cared about being the best. That’s why she made all the kids race. She wanted someone who would not give up, no matter how hard it hurt or how hard she pushed. She wanted the kid who cared the most about winning.

Winning. Races. Go-karts. Sports. Tournaments. Rivals. Parties. There was someone else here who cared as much about winning as Daisy did. She beat and lost to that stupid boy so many times already and he was here, now.

“Where’s Waluigi?!” Daisy said, startling Chibibo so hard he jumped. “Where are you hiding him?!”

The world blinked and Chibibo sighed. “It looks like someone needs another time out.”

His body turned pitch black. He was a shadow, a silhouette. Darkness seeped out from his feet and crept across the floor and walls like rot. Daisy jumped back from it, climbing over the beds, and knocking over lamps to keep from touching it. She made it to the door, but the kitchen was no better. Ms. Peony stood stock still by the stove, a smiling red and white mask on her face, with a pot of porridge bubbling over with shadows that seeped into the backdrop of the world. Daisy glanced out the window and Bryony, Rose, Holly and everyone else were silhouettes standing in a yard already overcome with black. The only color was in the masks they wore. Daisy looked for anywhere else to run but it was too late. She retreated up the stairs as Subspace closed in around her and she was cornered. There was nowhere to run on the upper floor. Just bedrooms.

Daisy looked at the door to Ms. Peony’s room. She had never been inside, not even once. Ms. Peony kept it locked and private. The only memory Daisy had was hearing her cry through the door on bad days. If this world was made from her memories, was there even anything on the other side? She tried the handle, it was locked. Daisy banged and kicked at the door, desperate. She pounded harder as veins of dark surrounded her.

The door gave way just as the black touched the hinges and frame and swung open. Daisy stepped through into a blinding white.

Chapter Text

Daisy found herself in the halls of a Star Shrine. Aquamarine floors speckled with astral white figures stretched along the hall ahead and behind her. Luminous pillars lit up the temple against the vast ocean of the night sky around her. It was breathtaking, but Daisy reminded herself that none of this was real.

The black splotches of Subspace were nowhere to be seen. Daisy was not sure how things worked here, but it seemed she was safe for the moment. Looking down, she realized she was back in her orange dress and in her adult body. That was a relief, but it did not change the fact she needed to find Waluigi and Wanda before darkness caught up with her.

Her footsteps echoed as she explored the holy star sanctum. Was there even anyone here to find? Maybe Wanda. She could not imagine Waluigi being caught dead in a place like this. She continued wandering until she heard shouting up ahead.

“Do you question the will of the Stars?!”

Daisy crept toward the ruckus. She was not sure yet if she wanted to barge in on an argument but needed to see what was going on. This led her into a library. She hid among the rows of shelves and tried to catch a glimpse of the drama.

“I don’t want to!” a younger voice said.

Daisy peeked through a gap in the shelves and spotted that little boy in butler clothes. Waluigi was gangly even as a kid, and Daisy guessed that puberty only exaggerated that aspect of him.

“You don’t want to?!” an older voice boomed. “This is the will of the Stars!”

“I just…” Waluigi said, “if I am going to devote my life to this, I want to understand.”

“It is not our place to understand,” the grown man said. “It is our privilege to serve, and you dishonor that tradition by indulging in such shameful doubt.”

Waluigi looked down, his face tightening. The shadow of his father hung over him. A quiet fury boiled in his eyes.

“…The Stars choose who gets to be special. But they make mistakes. History makes that clear. Knowing that, why let them choose? Why can’t it just be anyone? How are we supposed to trust them?”

 The commander struck his son across the face.

“You will not disgrace our family like this, do you hear me?! You and I are mere threads in a tapestry. Cornerstones of something greater. You are nothing on your own. There is no greater vanity, no greater sin, than to reject the role to which you are gifted.”

Waluigi said nothing. Daisy itched to do something but chose to wait. It was a gamble to reveal herself while this shade of the commander was watching. She did not want Subspace to find them.

“If you are finished acting like a child,” the commander said. “I must attend to my duties. You will return to your studies and cease with these selfish musings. Understood?”

Waluigi held his cheek, frozen in place with his head hung.

“…Yes, father.”

“Count this among your lessons.” He turned to leave, his boots echoing through the shrine. “I will expect a report of all you have learned upon my return.”

Daisy waited until she was sure the commander was gone, but Waluigi was nowhere to be seen when she stepped out from her hiding spot. She searched the library and found him hunched over a desk piled up with books and notes in a corner. He was so tense and focused on his studies that he did not even look up as Daisy approached.

“Psst! Hey!” she said. “Waluigi!”

“Pardon me?” he said, startled.

This was her first look at him up close. He was cute, in a nerdy sort of way. What was up with the horn-rimmed glasses? Did he switch to contacts when he got older or what? She tried not to laugh at his ascot. He looked more like his dad than himself.

“Do I know you?” he said.

The question should not have stung as much as it did. “Don’t you recognize me?”

There was a blank look in his eyes as he seemed to search his memories for her. Daisy grumbled to herself. She knew it was because of Subspace messing with his memories but it still hurt to feel like a nobody even among friends.

“Hi, I’m Daisy,” she said. “This will sound weird, but we need to leave right now, okay?”

“Leave?” His eyes darked and an anxious mix of emotions flashed across his face. “No. …no. I… You must have me confused with someone else. I have a very common name after all. As you can see, I have a lot of work to do here. I’m right where I need to be.”

Daisy pulled the textbook out of his hands. “Shut up and listen. You’re in Subspace right now and this is all an illusion. We need to find Wanda and get out of here before that creepy black stuff finds us!”

He scoffed. “Is this some sort of joke? I would need to be dreaming to be in Subspace, and that would be harmless. And I would hardly call this a nightmare!”

Daisy looked around, wondering how much time she had left to convince this blockhead and escape.  

“Look, it’s clear you got some daddy issues. I’m in no position to judge. I just clawed my way out of a puppet show of my own family trauma and now I’m wondering if I should schedule some therapy between tournaments. Whatever. The point is we’re not dreaming. We’re physically in Subspace. You already explained this to me and I really don’t want to stick around long enough to trade places again.”

Waluigi glared at her with suspicion. That made Daisy smile. It was a glimpse of the Waluigi she knew.

“Father put you up to this, didn’t he? He’s already testing my resolve by tempting me to leave.” He grabbed his book back and resumed studying. “Go tell him I’m not stupid enough to fall for the same trick again. I don’t have time to be distracted by you.”

Daisy tapped her foot, growing annoyed. She considering hauling him over her shoulder but knew finding Wanda would be way easier if she did not have to fight Waluigi every step of the way. She looked over the table for an idea and noticed the books were familiar: Political theory, history, science, court etiquette, etc. It was weird to see someone like Waluigi studying star doctrine, but it made sense given how stuck his dad was on the topic.

“What was that argument about?” Daisy said. “Your dad wants you to read books to help the Stars out?”

A bitter chuckle escaped from his lips. “Father says I belong to the Star Children. I need to make myself worthy to act as their servant. They’re born special, unlike you, me, and the billions of other regular people on this world. The best I can hope for is the privilege of playing advisor to them.”

“The Star Children?” Daisy said. “You’re talking about Mario and Peach and Luigi and—”

“And Bowser,” Waluigi said. “He’s not even grown yet and it’s obvious to anyone paying attention he’ll be a tyrant. If the Stars choose to make him special, how am I supposed to trust the other six? And for that matter, how am I supposed to trust the judgment of the Stars?”

“You have a point,” she admitted. Most of the rest turned out alright, but Wario rode the line pretty hard. “I guess I don’t worry about that. I never put much stock in what the Stars think.”

Waluigi smirked. “Careful. This is not the place to blaspheme.”

“You started it!” she said. “Anyway, if ‘regular’ people like you and me can beat those Star Brats at stuff, who’s to say they’re even that special?”

He sighed, turning back to his work. “Yeah, if only. I’m nothing compared to them. Just another thread in the tapestry.”

Daisy slammed his book shut. “Don’t give me that drivel!” She leaned over and stared him in the eye. “You’ve beaten them before and so have I. Tournaments, parties, races, all of it. You just need to remember!”

Waluigi’s breathing grew heavy as their eyes locked. Daisy felt a flush of embarrassment about looming over this kid, but it was too late to back down. She stood her ground and it paid off. Waluigi’s eyes darted around as the gears in his head started to turn.

“Wah,” he said and his face turned beet red. “Ugh. Why’d I need you to snap me out of it?”

“I don’t know!” Daisy said. “This is my first time here, what’s your excuse?”

He stood up, shaking off his delirium and assuming the impish posture his body needed to grow back into. “Let’s get out of here before we get caught.”

“I’m afraid it’s too late for that.”

Daisy spun to see Commander Reverie standing in the doorway. He pushed up his sunglasses and strode towards them, hands held behind his back, boots clicking against the floor.

“I should be disappointed,” he said, “But a father can endure only so much before he must face the truth. There is nothing I can do to salvage a failure like you.”

“Drop the act,” Waluigi said. “I know what you are.”

The commander shrugged, and his face began to melt. His features slopped off to reveal a black and white mask with a crescent smile under the false flesh.

“Oh, yuck!” Daisy said. “What IS this thing?”

“The Will of Spacespace,” Waluigi said. “The Chaos Heart. It controls this part of the Dream World and it’s what’s been toying with us.”

Hysterical laughter echoed through the whole Star Shrine. More masks appeared out of thin air, floating in the air around Daisy and Waluigi. Shy Guy masks, tweeter masks, bird masks, snifit masks, and phanto masks. All of them were watching. Through the window outside, Daisy saw the stars wink out one by one as the sky filled with a solid black.

“It is unfortunate,” the masked figure said. “We were looking forward to wringing more fun out of the two of you. But it looks like you are more trouble than you are worth.”

“You’re the reason Wart got out, aren’t you?!” Waluigi said as the masks spun around them. “You let him escape!”

“Oh! Is he causing trouble upstairs?” The voice was coming from everywhere now. “That’s nice to hear. Yes. We did lend that crooning toad a sliver of our power. If all goes according to plan, soon we should have even more toys to play with.”

Daisy cracked her knuckles, trying to keep an eye on all the masks. “Can we trounce this thing, or will that just get us mind wiped again?”

All of Subspace vibrated with laughter. “Oh, we’re playing for keeps this time, princess.”

“It’s too powerful!” Waluigi said. “We need to focus on getting out of here!”

Red and white phanto masks shot towards them, screaming with wicked laughter. Daisy rolled out of the way and dodged as another one sailed toward her. Tendrils of black spread into the room from the windows, closing in around them.

“Ah ha ha ha!” Subspace cackled. “Good luck with that!”

“This way!” Waluigi pointed towards the door. He weaved around swooping masks and Daisy smashed a chair over tweeter mask in the way. They charged out into the hall with darkness hot on their heels.

“Yes! One last chase before we snuff you out!” Subspace bellowed. “What a thrill!”

Daisy raced down the halls of the Star Shrine alongside Waluigi.

“Do you know where we’re going?!” Daisy said, ducking to avoid a swooping mask.

“Wahh! We need to find the edge of my memory!” Waluigi said, “…the problem is I’ve been all over this place! I don’t know where we can go!”

They stumbled to a halt as they saw shadows flooding towards them down the hall from the other direction. Daisy swiveled to find anywhere to run. Both ends of the hall were filling up with black leaving only the windows and balconies looking out into a starless sky. The temple was high up in the mountains with churning clouds obscuring the world below.

“I think I know where you haven’t been!” she said.

“Where wou—”

Daisy hoisted the mini-Waluigi onto her shoulder and climbed over the balcony railing. She dove off the edge before Subspace reached them and fell into the clouds below.

“Waaaaahhhh!!” Waluigi screamed, now full-sized as they popped out the other end of the clouds and plummeted into daylight.

They hurtled toward Earth faster and faster, but Daisy kept a grip on Waluigi as the world rushed up to meet them.

Just before they hit the rock-hard ground, Daisy made sure to stop their momentum with a ground pound. Piece of cake.

“Ugh,” Waluigi said, sprawled out on the dirt. “Good work. But also never do that again.”

Daisy dusted herself off and looked around to see what their dumb new nightmare scenario was. They were in some sort of cemetery. Headstones sat over open graves and tombs dotted the hilltops. Green ghosts wafted through the air and, to Daisy’s surprise, there was a big festive banner hung up wishing onlookers a “Happy Halloween!”

“Uh, are we in the right place?” she said.

“Yes! Look!” Waluigi pointed. “There she is!”

Wanda was sitting on a hilltop, trembling, as a pack of green ghosts danced around and went “ooOoooOOO” at her.

“Get out of here!” Waluigi said, swatting at the ghosts and chasing them off. “Shoo!”

Daisy knelt next to Wanda and nudged her in the shoulder. “Hey, you okay?”

“Daisy?! Is it really you?!”

“Yeah. Hey, fun fact for you. We’re in Subspace right now and this place is all in your head.”

“Oh!” Wanda said. “Phew! THAT’S a relief! I was worried this was real life!”

“Huh,” Daisy said. Well, that was relatively painless. She looked around at the dorky cartoon graveyard and thought again about signing up for therapy.

“Why is this your nightmare?” Waluigi said.

“Don’t make fun of me!” Wanda said. “Ghosts are scary, okay?!”

All at once the sky darkened and a roll of thunder rumbled in the distance. A drizzle of black rain fell from the sky, spotting the surrounding terrain. Skeletal drybone koopas clawed their way out of open graves, clattering, as veins of black spread across the ground.

“Oh, hey! That’s pretty scary too!” Wanda said.

“Uh yeah,” Daisy said, growing nervous. “Anyway, you think you could wake up so we can get out of here?”

“Okay, sure. No problem.”

Wanda closed her eyes and concentrated. There was a spark of color over her head as she strained to open the portal home. All around, dry bones shambled towards them. Waluigi grabbed a shovel and smashed the nearest undead monstrosity into shards.

“Could you maybe hurry it up?!” Waluigi said. “Pretty sure this is our last chance!”

“Sorry!” Wanda said, straining even harder. “I’m a heavy sleeper! Give me a second!”

The rain picked up and the clouds opened. Phanto masks poured down from above, swarming like a plague of insects. The spreading back of Subspace coiled around their little hill like a viper. Daisy and Waluigi kept the drybones at bay but they just kept coming.

“Wanda!” Daisy said. “Please!”

“I’m up! I’m up!”

The swirling tie-dye dream portal burst open. Daisy and Waluigi were lifted off the ground and sucked inside just as the world was swallowed out from under their feet. Like the lurch of a bullet train, Daisy felt herself rising back into the waking world.

Chapter Text

Wanda’s dream brain portal barfed Daisy and Waluigi back into the real world and they tumbled into a messy heap on the floor of Pi’illo castle. Daisy shoved a stunned Waluigi off of her and got to her feet just as Wanda sat up in bed.

“You’re back!” Dreambert said, poofing out of his pillow form and into his basic dweeb form.

“Looks like it,” Daisy said, feeling like she could do with a nap herself.

Daisy’s phone buzzed. She pulled it out to see she had fifteen missed calls from the skipper of the sunken Daisy Cruiser.

“One sec,” she said and called them. “Hey, Princess D. here.”

“There you are!” the sailor cried. “We were worried! What happened to you?”

“Sorry, I don’t think I get any reception in other dimensions,” she said. “What’s up?”

“Well, uh. The other crew members and I were just wondering if you wanted us to do anything.”

“I don’t know! Set up an embassy or something. I’m busy with hero stuff right now! Bye!”  

She ended the call. The Pi’illo prince looked at her expectantly.

“…Have you succeeded?” Dreambert said. “Have you thwarted the villain and saved us all?”

“Ehh… not quite,” Daisy said. She was still alive, which she considered a win as a rule but all she could say they accomplished was distracting Wart for a few minutes. “That was more of a reconnaissance trip.”

“That makes me feel better about how badly we got beat!” Wanda said. “We lost big, and right away too! I was worried we were just bad at this.”

“Shut up!” Waluigi said as he sprang upright. “This is not our fault. We were missing critical intel. Wart is MUCH too powerful to fight head-on.”

“I thought that was obvious,” Dreambert said. “I’m like 90% sure I told you something about it being too dangerous.”

“He’s got crazy powers!” Wanda said. “How are we supposed to fight him if we can’t even touch him?”

Waluigi paced the room. “We need power of our own. …Wah. We’ve seen what the dream gems can do. If we collect them all, we might just have enough oomph to break through his defenses!”

Dreambert looked dumbfounded. “Wait. You’re telling me you guys KNEW about an assortment of legendary doohickeys and you DIDN’T collect them before confronting the big bad guy? I’ve been out of the loop for hundreds of years and even I know that’s standard practice for adventuring heroes.”

“Hey!” Daisy said. “We’re new at this! Cut us some slack!”

Dreambert floated over to the window. “If what you say is true, it appears things are worse than I thought. I cannot doze idly if the Dream World is imperiled like this.” He turned towards them with a dramatic flick of his red cloak. “I shall put my princely duties on hold and accompany you on your quest!”

Daisy and Waluigi exchanged an uncomfortable sideways glance. Waluigi grimaced and frowned. Daisy clenched her teeth, eyed Dreambert, and tried to shake her head without him noticing.  Waluigi relaxed, appearing to agree. Wanda was handy to have around but carting around an extra goody-two-shoes would be unbearable.

“Wahh… No. That’s okay, thanks,” Waluigi said.

“Yeah, see, we’ve already got a side-kick.” Daisy waved her arm in the direction of Wanda. “We’re set for right now.”

“You just stay here so we can get back to Subcon when we need, got it?”

Dreambert looked deflated. “I… suppose. But do you even know where to look for these dream gems?”

Daisy hummed. “Well, we’ve got Sunny to point us in the right direction, but the Daisy Cruiser is sunk. Getting to them might be a problem.”

“It’s fine,” Waluigi said. “Just call Peach and ask where Mario is. Odds are he’s already found the rest of them.”

“What?!” Dreambert shook his head in disbelief. “Didn’t you say before that Mario was dead?!”

Daisy waved at him to be quiet. “Yeah, something like that, sure. Anyway, is this island on the Warp Pipe network?”

“Huh?” Dreambert said. “Well, yes. I had us hooked up to it a couple of months ago to help with tourism.”

“Perfect! Great. That’s all we need then,” Daisy said.

Waluigi pushed open the door. “Alright! We’ve got a plan. Let’s go!”

“Hold on!” Dreambert said. “I demand an explanation!”

Daisy was already halfway out the door. “Wanda! are you coming or not?!”

“Just a second!” She said as she finished making the bed. “Okay, ready. Bye Dreambert! Thanks for letting me sleep on you! It was nice!”

“Oh, uh.” He blushed. “You’re welcome. Anytime.”

Wanda fluttered out the door and the three of them hurried to find the Warp Zone.

Chapter Text

“You want to know where Mario went?” Peach laughed. “Oh, Daisy! If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to make a move on him!”

Daisy rolled her eyes before raising the phone back up to her ear. “Don’t worry, I’m not about to steal your man. And if I were, you know I’d never give any hint about what I was up to.”

That was not EXACTLY true. Sure, Daisy had no interest in Mario: He was a relentlessly happy doughball and that was just exhausting to be around for any longer than a 40-turn mini-game party. But if Daisy ever felt like ruining Peach’s life then all she needed to do was invite the guy over for cake. The more brazen the invitation the better.

“I’m needing to catch up with him because he’s holding onto some stuff for me.”

“What kind of stuff?” Peach said with an edge in her voice. Daisy tried not to laugh at her. She was such a dork for that dweeb.

“The usual, y’know? Just some mystical rocks. I figured they’d be safe with him but now I need them for something, and I can’t find the bozo anywhere!”

“Could this wait?” Peach said. “I’m trying to review city building plans right now.”

Daisy could tell by the echo in the call and the faint dripping sound that Peach was taking a bubble bath right now.

“C’mon Peachie!” Daisy said. “I’ve got stuff to do too and I’m really in a bind here! Listen, do me this favor and I’ll go easy on you at the charity tournament. How about that?” This was a lie but would let Daisy save face in the off-chance she lost.

“Oh, alright. Give me a moment, I need to pull up the app.”

“App?” Daisy said.

“Oh, I asked Mario to sew a Global Positioning Satellaview microchip into his hat,” Peach said. “Just in case, you understand. It puts me at ease to see his little dot moving and on the world map and I get an ETA on rescues. I can check where he is now.”

Daisy thought about talking to Peach about relationship boundaries but decided not to push her luck. It was not any of her business anyway.

“Hm, looks like he’s in the Western end of Desert Hill right now,” Peach said. “Does that help?”

“Awesome!” Daisy said. “Perfect. Thank you SO much, I can finally get this errand out of the way. Anyway, I won’t keep you. Enjoy a nice soak with those building plans, alright? See you at the tournament. Ciao!” She terminated the call and received a couple of expert high fives from her companions. “Target acquired. Let’s blow this dump.”

 The three of them hurried into the underground Warp Zone and charted a course through the different kingdoms. Desert Hill was a bit out of the way. They had to make transfer stops at the Bean Bean Kingdom and Diamond City Warp Zones before they could get on the 2-1 line to the Mushroom Kingdom’s various deserts.

They popped out in front of vibrant earthy wasteland of rolling sand dunes and blocky stone ruins. Palm trees and cacti offered a splash of green alongside the odd oasis in the far distance here and there. Daisy could see purple pipes outlining the skeletons of abandoned construction work a ways off. She supposed they were derelict on account of Peach’s constant kidnappings, or else the local vassal king was a bumbling useless idiot. Possibly both.

“Alright,” Daisy said. “You got our compass handy?”

Waluigi whipped Sunny out of his overalls and held him up.

“Oh! Ah!” Sunny said. “I’d forgotten what the sun looked like! It’s so bright!”

“Never mind that, disc face!” Waluigi said. “Are any of your gems nearby?”

“Hmm? Hey. Now that you mention it, I think there are! Yeah! Wow. There’s a whole bunch of them too!”

 “Which way?” Wanda said.

“Little more to the left, wait, stop. Right there! That’s it! You’re getting good at this.”

“I know,” Waluigi said before stuffing Sunny back into his inventory.

There was no option but to take the rest of the trek on foot. They made their way up and down the dunes and through lumpy neighborhoods of pint-sized pyramids. It was easy to tell Mario had come through here recently. The coin blocks were empty and there was a trail of beat-up minions snaking across the landscape. Knocked-out shy guys, ninjis, and cobrats were strewn all over the place with the handful of still-conscious survivors now too frightened to pose much of a threat. It made for a relaxed stroll.

“Keep your eyes peeled for that chubby red imbecile,” Waluigi said.

“Who?” Wanda said.

“He means Mario,” Daisy said.

“Ohhh,” Wanda said, her eyes drifting toward something. “Isn’t that him at that big temple over there?”

They looked and spotted him leaping and bounding around the outside of one of the bigger ziggurats like a fly smacking against a windowpane trying to get through. Daisy and Waluigi rushed downhill to get closer and peeked out from behind cover to spy on him. Mario slid and climbed and ground pounded on switches and collected coins while going ‘wahoo!’ until something clicked, and a pair of massive limestone double doors ground open. As soon as it was done, Mario cartwheeled through the air and jogged inside with a little “haha!”

“There’s gotta be a dream gem in there, right?” Daisy said. “You think we can nab it before he does?”

“No need,” Waluigi said. “Let him do the heavy lifting. We can relieve him of all his stones on his way out.”

Daisy nodded. “That’s smart, good thinking. But we’re gonna need a plan. Unless you think we can overpower him?”

Waluigi turned his lip up at that idea. “Brute force is a last resort. A good trick gets twice the work done in half the sweat.”

“We both tricked him not too long ago, so I think he’ll be on guard,” Daisy said. “We’re gonna need disguises, and a cover story that appeals to his empty-headed heroism.”

“Yes!” Waluigi pumped his fist, looking fired up. “Now you’re talking my language!”

“Um, guys?” Wanda said, fluttering between them. “Why can’t we just ask Mario for help? We can team up and all stop Wart together.”

“Hush,” Daisy said, “the grownups are talking,”

“I’m four-hundred years old!”

“I’ve got an idea,” Waluigi said, ignoring Wanda. “But I think you’re going to hate it.”

“Try me.”

“Mario is all about rescuing and helping people, but Peach in particular. No offense, but the two of you look close enough to pass for twins.”

Daisy groaned. “You’re right, I already hate where this is going.” The resemblance was an absolute pain, but it was undeniable.

“Just hear me out,” Waluigi said. “The guy is so lovesick for that woman his IQ drops a couple percentile ranks anytime they’re in the same room.  All we need to do is dress you in pink and make it look you’re in danger and he’ll drop everything to help.”

“The worst thing about this is I know it’s going to work,” Daisy said, rubbing her face. “Alright, but if I’m the bait what’s the trap?”

“We need to create a sense of danger. A threat to distract him.”

“Okay, but we still need some way to get the dream gems off him.”

Waluigi thrust a thumb into his chest. “You leave that to ME. When I’m done, he won’t even know what happened!”

His excitement was infectious. Just brainstorming with him was so much fun. She loved how confident he was about pulling off this absurd heist. She could not help getting into it herself.

“I’m counting on you, but we still need that distraction.”

Waluigi looked around the area. “There’s not much to work with here but heavy stone blocks. If they were lighter, maybe we could build something.”

“Wanda can magic blocks out of thin air,” Daisy said. “Maybe we can use that instead?”

“Oh! You’re right!” Waluigi said, grinning ear to ear at her. “That’s perfect. I have just the idea! Wanda!”

They turned to look at Wanda, who had fluttered off to sit alone atop one of the ruins with her arms folded. Waluigi ran over and started drawing a schematic in the sand with a stick.

“Wanda, here’s what I’m thinking. If you can summon a bunch of blocks in this pattern, we can clown all over that dunce Mario!”

Wanda glowered down at him, a twist of bitter anger in her face.

“No,” she said.

“No?” Waluigi said, confused. “Wanda, I think you’re key to making this work. We don’t have a lot of time to throw this together. Why don’t you want to help?”

“Because this is stupid!” Wanda said. “I’m not going to help you trick Mario! All he’s trying to do is help!”

  “Hey, hey, wait a second,” Daisy said. “We told you already that this Mario guy is a creep. He’s not cut out to be the hero. He’s done all sorts of bad stuff!”

“Do you think I’m dumb?” Wanda said. “That’s just a bunch of lies you told the Sundream Stone to get its help! Now you’re talking about pulling more tricks! You guys don’t actually want to help people at all!”

 “That’s not true!” Daisy said.

“That’s, pardon my language, a bunch of baloney!” Wanda said. “All you care about is taking credit for saving the day!”

Waluigi held up his hands. “Alright, you need to calm down. It’s true we both have a stake in becoming heroes, but that does not mean we only care about ourselves. The 8-bits are causing serious damage to the Waking World and the Dream World. It’s bad for everyone if Wart gets his way.”

Wanda stood up on her perch, looking down on them. “Then why won’t you team up with Mario?! If stopping Wart is what matters most, maybe I should go help Mario by telling him you’ve got one of the dream gems!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Daisy said. This whole situation was spinning out of control. “There’s no need for that! We’re all in this together!”

“If that’s true then WHY are you being so selfish?!”

“I…” Daisy stared up at Wanda, struggling to think of some excuse or explanation. The little sprixie was so worked up that one wrong word might send her running to Mario. She could not let that happen. If Mario got all the dream gems, then that was it. He would stop Wart, and everyone would call him the hero. He’d win.

But was that a bad thing? She would lose her crown but everything else in the world would be fine. The world would keep spinning. It would just leave her behind.

Daisy thought about mom and the orphanage. She thought about how lucky she was and how easy it would be to lose all of it. How was she supposed to explain any of this to someone like Wanda?

“Wanda, I… you’re right,” Daisy said. She took a deep breath. “I am being selfish. I’m scared, and I don’t want to lose my crown. Or lose at all. I don’t want to admit Mario is better.”

“Stop it!” Waluigi said, taking her by the shoulder. “Mario is not better than you. The only thing that matters here is the strength of your will. If you want something you take it by whatever means you can. He is not better if when the dust settles you win.”

Daisy was taken off guard, looking into Waluigi’s eyes and seeing her face reflected in them. She pulled away to wipe the tear budding in her eyes.

“It’s just… it doesn’t even matter,” she said. “I have to try so hard to win and he does it like it’s nothing. I could give up right now and he’d take care of it like he always does. Everyone will go on loving him and I can just disappear!”

Waluigi took her hand. She looked back at him and recognized a familiar sorrow underneath the hard lines of his anger.

“I know you’re better than this,” he said. “You’re not the type to give up. That’s what I respect about you. I get it. Believe me, I do. But don’t you dare falter. The world does NOT care about us. That’s why you care about yourself. We can do this, with or without Wanda.”

Daisy looked over at Wanda, who was watching them in silence. Daisy shook off her whirlwind of emotion and steadied her heart to talk to the sprixie.

“I’m doing this for me. That’s the truth. I want to be a hero to keep my crown and that’s it.”

“Is it really that important to you?” Wanda said.

“Yeah,” Daisy said. “Think whatever you want about that.”

Wanda’s face softened as she considered those words. She stepped off the edge of her block and fluttered down to Daisy.

“Alright then,” she said. “I’ll help.”

“You… will?” Waluigi said, raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t get it,” Wanda said. “But you’re being honest now, at least. That’s the first step to being good. I wanna think we’re friends, so I’ll give you a chance to make your dream come true. Just promise me you’ll do the right thing if it looks like we’re gonna lose.”

“Heh.” Daisy felt her spirits lift. “Don’t worry. We got this in the bag.”

Chapter Text

Wanda circled overhead, patrolling the airspace around the temple to watch for Mario.

“Stop squirming,” Waluigi said as he tightened the ropes. “You know this is just for show, right?”

“I can’t help it!” Daisy said, feeling her skin crawl as she let him tie her up. “Unlike SOME people, I did not enjoy the time I got kidnapped and made a point to not let it happen again.”

“What, you think Peach is into it?”

Probably not, Daisy thought. Peach was disgustingly wholesome in the most boring way possible.

“Oh, definitely,” Daisy said. “That or she just lets it happen so guys fight over her. Whichever makes you think she’s more messed up.”

Waluigi took a step back to admire their handiwork. Daisy felt ridiculous. She was wearing a platinum wig and a tacky pink dress they managed to thrift from a local wasteland boutique. It was not perfect, but they did not have the time to nail Peach’s bougie pastel aesthetic. They got close enough thanks to Waluigi tailoring a few different dresses together on the fly. The rest of the ‘scene’ was cobbled together out of Wanda’s blocks and whatever was handy in the nearby ruins.

“Well, it’ll fool Mario at least,” Waluigi said.  

“Guys!” Wanda zipped towards them, trailing sparkles, and flailing her arms and legs. “He’s coming! Get ready!”

Waluigi lifted Daisy over his shoulder and sprinted to stick her on the end of a hooked rope over a quicksand pit.

“Just like we rehearsed, got it?” he said.

“I KNOW what I’m doing,” Daisy said.  

Waluigi ran to get into position as the doors of the temple ground open. Mario puttered out the door with a look of blank satisfaction. Fireworks went off over the pyramids to celebrate him solving a millennia old riddle or whatever.

“Psst, hey!” Waluigi said, sticking his head out from behind cover. “Don’t just sit there! He’s walking the wrong way! Struggle and try to get his attention!”

She glared at him. “Oh, now you WANT me to squirm?”

“Just do it!”  

Daisy rolled her eyes and wriggled on the end of her hook like a worm.

“Help! Please, someone help me!”

No, that was not quite right. She needed to channel Peach. Her pleas needed to be bigger, more pathetic. She needed to milk it.

“Oooohhhh Nooo!” Daisy said, disgusted with herself. “Won’t SOMEONE help a poor helpless wittle pwincess? Maaaario! Please come help me. I can’t do anything by myself!”

Mario perked up and turned his head. “Whoa!” He said, eyes wide. He scampered in her direction.

“Oh! Mario! There you are!” Daisy said, trying her best to sound both dumb and entitled. “It’s me, your rich hot friend Princess Peach. As you can see, I’ve gotten into another little oopsy and need your help.”

He looked at her, and at the jerry-rigged death trap, and his brow arched to suggest doubt.

 “Hm?” he said.

Daisy felt a trickle of sweat. Was he smarter than they gave him credit for or was the disguise that bad? It was time to pump the gas.

“Ohhh no!” Daisy said. “It looks like the TRAP has been activated.”

She waited, then cleared her throat. “I said the TRAP has been—”

The rope gave a little as Waluigi lowered her gently towards the quicksand. Mario reeled back bug-eyed with concern. He charged forward to save her.

“No! Wait!” Daisy said. “There’s a bomb! You have to deactivate it before you can save me!”

She kicked her feet in the direction of a nearby pedestal. It was a bunch of Wanda’s blocks painted to look ancient and mystical with a little plaque reading ‘Please Deposit Dream Gems to Deactivate Bomb.’

“Please Mario!” Daisy said, “If you solve the puzzle, you can TOTALLY save me!”

Mario glanced back at her, looking skeptical. Waluigi gave the rope another couple inches of slack and Daisy kicked against the top of the quicksand.

“Eeek!” She said, “Please hurry! I am going to die!”

Seized by some sort of instinct for heroism, Mario emptied his pockets and dropped three dream gems into the pedestal.

“Buh huh huh huh huh!” A cute, booming voice shouted. “You’ve fallen right into my trap!”

A hulking figure lumbered onto the scene, towering over Mario.

“It is I, BLOCKO, the EVIL BAD GUY,” Wanda said, who was puppeting a bunch of blocks in the shape of a large evil dude. She was riding inside them like a robot. “You see, you may think that you can rescue the Princess, but instead I will destroy you!”

Mario leapt to confront this new villain with a fierce look of determination. Behind him, Waluigi crept up to the pedestal and fished out the dream gems.

“Listen to me Mario!” Daisy said. “The evil Blocko gets a power boost any time you look away from him! Whatever you do, don’t take your eyes off him!”

“Huh huh huh!” Wanda said with all the menace of a toddler. “Even if Mario knows my secret, there is no way he can beat me! Because I am much too evil!”

Mario performed a serious of acrobatic jumps off some nearby ruins and landed right on top of Blocko’s head. Blocko immediately fell apart into a big messy pile of blocks with a tiny shriek.

“Oh, uh,” Daisy said, not expecting it to be over so quick. “You did it! Good Job, Mario. Now please come over here and save me.”

Mario hurried over and stopped at the edge of the quicksand. His eyes lit up. “Daisy?” he said.

Great. The one time someone recognized her was the one time she did not want it to happen.

“Er, hey Mario,” she said. “Okay, I confess. I’m not actually Princess Peach. But I’m still grateful for you saving me and I would also really appreciate it if you keep staring at me like that for just a couple more seconds.”

Waluigi pushed Mario from behind and he toppled face first into the quicksand. Daisy flexed her muscles and the ropes exploded off her. She jumped off Mario’s back on her way down to push him deeper and to get enough airtime to reach solid ground.

“Thanks for the help plumber boy!” Daisy said.

“We gotta run, but we’ll see you at the tennis tourney!” Waluigi said.

Mario flailed and fought to climb out of the sand, inching his way back to the surface. They made a mad dash to get away before he could get out, laughing. Wanda punched her way out of her block pile and flew after them.

“He looks pretty mad!” Wanda said.

“Sore losers always are!” Daisy said. “C’mon, let’s get out of here before he catches us!”

“Weheheheh!” Waluigi cackled, carrying an armload of dream gems as they sped across the sands. “Let that sucker try! By the time he finds us, we’ll already be heroes!”

Chapter Text

The oasis outside the restaurant sparkled in the sun as Daisy lounged at their table under the shade. Waluigi took his feet off the table as the waiter, a little mouser wearing a keffiyeh, came to set down their drinks.

“I’ve got a chuckola cola for the goomba and the spiny and a prisma juice for the sprixie,” the waiter said. “Looks like a special occasion!”

“Something like that,” Waluigi said, keeping his eyes hidden under the spiny shell helmet he was wearing. “You should know I tip better when my server doesn’t ask questions.”

“Say no more!” he said and excused himself. “Let me just go ask the chef how your shroom steaks are doing…”

Daisy took in the aroma of her vintage red cola but could not help but look over her shoulder.

“You sure Mario won’t find us here?”

Waluigi savored the first sip of his drink. “Just keep your disguise on until the heat dies down.”

Daisy adjusted the paper mâché goomba hat she was wearing. She produced a bag and placed the four dream gems on the table: Blue, purple, yellow, and green.

“Only one more to go,” she said.

Waluigi took the purple one and rolled it in his palm, a satisfied smirk on his face. “Good heist, everyone! We really put one over on the big red M. That was beautiful.”

Wanda slumped into the tray of her highchair. “Did… did I do the right thing? I don’t like tricking Mario. It feels wrong!”

“Listen, everyone feels guilty after pulling their first scheme,” Waluigi said. “It’ll be easier next time.”

Wanda slammed her juice down. “I don’t want there to be a next time! I want to go back and apologize to Mario!”

“Well, it’s too late for that,” Waluigi said. “There’s no going back. You’re a con artist now.”

“NOOO!” Wanda said, horrified. “I don’t wanna be a bad guy! I’m trying to help you two be good!”

“Hey, don’t blame ME,” Waluigi said. “The Stars make the rules. If they decide you’re evil, you might as well embrace it since they’ll never let another one of your evil wishes come true.”

“Quit teasing her,” Daisy said, swirling her drink. “Wanda is helping us be heroes out of the kindness of her pure cotton candy and rainbow heart. We should be grateful.”  Even if it was easy and hilarious to pick on her.

“Yeah! Meanie!”

Waluigi shrugged. “Okay. Whatever you have to tell yourself to help you sleep at night.” He took another drink and leaned toward Daisy. “Me and you, though. We can be master thieves together, right?”

“I suppose,” Daisy said. “But I haven’t figured out my next mark yet.”

Waluigi gave her a look that lingered. He was thinking something, but he was mulling over how to say it.  

“Well, you’ve got Peach scared,” he said. “It sounds like she thinks you’re gonna snatch Mario from her.”

“Ha. I mean, I don’t blame her. I think the guy was into me for a hot minute.”

“Really?” Wanda said.

“That didn’t last long, though. I suspect the guy just has a thing for tall girls in dresses. Once he got to know me he moved on.”

Waluigi looked appalled. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing, obviously, because I’m perfect.” Daisy flicked her hair for emphasis. “But not everyone can handle my intensity, least of all Mario.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “But Luigi can handle you?”

Daisy almost spilled her drink laughing. “What make you think I’m interested in that pipsqueak?”

“I thought you two were an item,” he said.

“Why would you think THAT?”

“There’s a giant statue of you dancing with him!” he said.

Daisy face palmed. “Oh, Stars. I FORGOT about that. Alright, the thing about that is PEACH had that thing made.”

“Whaa?! Why?”

“I don’t know!” It felt ridiculous just thinking about it. “She talked me into being tennis partners with Luigi way back so she could pair up with Mario and it turned into her trying to play match maker. Maybe she thought it was it was cute to have these two brothers both dating princesses? That or she heard about the one time Mario rescued me and wanted to keep me out of her territory.”

Waluigi shook his head. “So, you haven’t even dated?”

Daisy sighed. “Peach set me up on a couple dates with him. Framed it as needing a favor, since splitting those twins up is hard sometimes.”

“How’d THAT go?”

“It was SUPER awkward. I mean, he was nice enough, but we didn’t have much to talk about.”

“What about racing? Sports? He shows up for everything.”

“That’s the weird thing!” Daisy said. “He doesn’t have opinions on ANY of it. Like, I start talking about technique and all I get is nods and uh-huhs. It makes me think he only shows up for stuff to hang out with Mario.”

“Pathetic. What’s even the point if you’re not there to win?” Waluigi said.

“Right?! You get it!” Daisy said. “So, Peach asks how the date went and I tell her it was fine or whatever and the next thing I know she gifts me TWO giant, twenty ton solid gold statues of me and Luigi as lovers. And, may I point out, one of those statues depicts us as literal infants. The tabloids would not shut up about it.”

“Wait. Is she actually insane? Hold on, no, YOU’RE the crazy one. You actually KEPT them.”

“What was I supposed to do? REFUSE the gift of a political superpower? She spent MILLIONS of tax coins on those things. All I could do was politely display them for the grand prix and then quietly melt them down afterward for spare cash.”

“Okay, that’s smart,” Waluigi said and leaned back. “I respect you again.”

She grinned. “You better, if you know what’s good for you.”

“Actually, since you mentioned infants… …can you tell me what the deal is with those baby versions of everybody?”

“Who? Baby Mario, baby Peach, et al.?” Daisy said.

“Yeah. Where’d they come from?” he said.

“No idea.”

He nearly spat out his drink. “But one of them is YOU!”

“Look. I don’t remember time traveling to the future to play baseball. All I know is that weirdo E. Gadd showed up with them one day and said it was very important that they participate. I tried to get him to explain what was going on and he started in on all this jargon about temporal rifts and parallel butterflies and some guy’s cat so I gave up and bought my baby self a crown so we match.”

“But…” Waluigi was flabbergasted. “But you could like… warn yourself about the future or something.”

“She’s a BABY, Waluigi. She’s great at go-karts but I don’t think she understands a word I say.” She finished off her cola. “So I’m not going to worry about it. I don’t wanna be like Rosalina. She had a COMPLETE MELT DOWN when she saw her baby version and won’t talk to anyone about why.”

He leaned back. “I guess that makes sense.”

The waiter came through to refill their drinks. They muttered their thanks and fell into a reflective moment of quiet.

“So… uh,” Waluigi said. “If you’re not with Luigi… does that mean you’re single?”

Daisy sat on that question a moment, eyeing him with suspicion.

“Yeah, I guess. What’s it to you?”

“Nothing.” He took a sudden interest in the oasis outside. “I’m just surprised, is all. I figured you had suitors banging down your door.”

Not quite. Sure, a couple big names had taken an interest before, but they usually turned tail when she let the mask drop. Not many people can handle that. Daisy was not sure ANYONE could. Whatever. It was not like it mattered. The Sarasaland crown did not guarantee lasting power. You could not marry into luxury like with other royals. And since she spent all her time running her country and training for tournaments, she really did not have time left to date.

Thinking about that made her lonely.

“I’m not interested in weak men,” she decided. “If a guy can’t at least keep up with me, they aren’t worth my time.”

He weighed this. “You want them to be stronger than you?”

“I’m not going to ask for the impossible,” Daisy said.

“No, it’s fine,” Waluigi said. “If you want to date me you can just say so. I promise to let you down easy. Just like whenever I beat you at go-karts.”

She scoffed. “Is that so? Well, addendum to my list of requirements: The guy needs to be drop dead gorgeous too.”

“So literally just me then, huh.” He shook his head. “I had no idea you had it that hard for me.”

“Oh, shut up,” she said, unable to help smiling. Maybe it was the cola talking but the thought of being with Waluigi did not repulse her the way it should. If there was one thing he had going for him, it was that she could say and do whatever she wanted and it did not seem to faze him. That was nice. Even if he looked like someone stretched a clown out too thin.

Wanda sucked her juice through a straw, watching the two of them like she was expecting something to happen.

Daisy cleared her throat. “So, uh. What should our next move be?”

“Wuh?” The question threw him off guard. “Our next move, you mean…”

She pointed at the dream gems.

“Oh!” His mind must have been somewhere else. “Well, I was thinking—"

Just then the waiter came with their shroom steaks and the two of them scrambled to hide the gems from him. They dismissed him with some hurried thank yous which kept Wanda from asking for a juice refill.

“I was hoping Mario would have the last gem too,” Waluigi said. “But it looks like we still have work to do.”

“I’ve been thinking about it,” Daisy said. “I think we should check New Donk City.”

He looked confused. “The Metro Kingdom? Why there?”

“We saw some New Donkers in Sub Con. If the 8-bits are up to something there, one of the dream gems might be nearby.”

“That’s right!” Waluigi said. “You’re a genius!”

She beamed at his praise. “And beautiful too.”

Waluigi hesitated to answer, his eyes darting. Steam rose off their shroom steaks as her empty bragging seemed to derail whatever was going on in his head.

“Of course, yes.” He coughed. “We’ll head out right after this, then. Excellent.”

Wanda’s straw squelched as she tried to suck the last droplets of juice out of her empty bottle. Her eyes darted between them in questioning silence.

Chapter Text

Daisy slid the manhole cover out of the way and climbed up out of the Warp Zone tunnel and onto the city streets of New Donk City. Waluigi and Wanda clambered out after her, and the three of them gaped at the state of downtown.

Upended taxi cabs and rubble littered the roads. The bodies of comatose humans were strewn across the pavement, park grass, and park benches. Packs of shy guys and tweeters roamed the alleyways and a few puttered around on motor scooters. The pulsing bass of Wart’s garage band rumbled in the distance.

“Yep. Looks like they’re still here,” Daisy said.

“This is TERRIBLE!” Wanda was frantic. “They’ve turning everything into concrete!”

“No, that part’s normal,” Waluigi said. “Big cities are like this.”

“Oh.”

 Daisy took point, sneaking through the streets and drop kicking the occasional minion on her way in the direction of the music. She gestured for the others to follow as she cleared a path. It only took a couple blocks before they stumbled onto something – a massive tour bus, built like a tank, was parked on the sidewalk on top of at least three crushed parking meters, thumping with music. Wart’s face was painted on the side of the bus along with the band’s logo rendered in comic sans. Not far off, Mouser and a pack of snifits were in the process of cornering a few of the locals. Daisy crept into earshot.

“Hold up gents!” Mouser said. “What’s the rush? I’ve got an amazing offer you won’t want to miss out on.”

The New Donkers, an identical pair of frightened men in pinstripe suits, were surrounded with their backs up against the wall.

“Now see here!” one of them said, chest-puffed, “I’ve see what kind of trouble you and this gang of churlish trick or treaters is makin’! Whatever you’re sellin’, I ain’t buyin’!”

“Oh, well, that’s just unfortunate.” Mouser raised a magic wand with the red dream gem wedged onto the tip. “And here I wanted to be reasonable.”

He zapped the brave New Donker with a tie-dye-colored laser beam and the guy keeled over onto the ground. Wanda gasped. Waluigi hushed her. After a moment, the victim started to snore.

“Wha-wha-what’d you do to him!?” the other guy said.

“Nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about,” Mouser said. “That guy wouldn’t know an opportunity if it shot him in the face. Now you, you look like a guy who knows better. A cultured guy. A guy who appreciates music.”

“Y-yeah?”

“Yeeaah! So, here’s the thing. I’m selling these tickets. The 8-bits are performing real soon. They’re this great new band, all the rage I hear. …I can get you a front row seat to the live show if you’re interested.”

The New Donker emptied his pockets, dumping purple coins onto the ground in front of Mouser. “I’ll buy it! Whatever you want! Just don’t hurt me!”

The snifits collected the coins off the ground. Mouser produced a golden ticket and tucked it into the breast pocket of the relieved New Donker.

“You’ve made a wise decision my friend!” Mouser said, before zapping him too. The New Donker slumped to the ground on top of the first guy and Mouser laughed. “Enjoy the show! You’re gonna love it! Nyahahaha!”

“Nngh,” Wanda said as they watched Mouser and his pack of hooligans board the tour bus. “This is awful! They’re kidnapping people!”

“Would it really be called kidnapping if it’s their dream self?” Waluigi said. “Maybe sleep-napping would be better.”

“Or nap-napping?” Wanda said.

“No, that’s stupid!” Daisy said. “It should be dream-napping. That sounds WAY better.”

Waluigi waved the question away. “We can find out how they brand their villainous deeds later. He’s got the last dream gem! You saw that right?”

“Yeah!” Daisy said. “Let’s go give him a good pounding and complete our set!”

“But if he zaps you, you won’t be able to wake up!” Wanda said.

Daisy looked at the dozen or so snoozing pedestrians draping the concrete nearby. She gave one a couple test kicks to check how permanent the effects were. The guy rolled over and smacked his lips but did not wake up. She thought about how last time she fought Mouser, she got hit by a stray soundwave and embarrassed herself dancing.

“Alright, fine. We need a plan.”

“Is it time for a scheme?” Waluigi said, wringing his hands. “Oh, I think it’s time for a scheme!”

“Alright, keep your shirt on, creepy,” Daisy said. “We can clown these punks but we gotta be careful. I don’t want to get stuck in a coma just because we’re in a rush to beat Mario.”

“True,” he said. “It shouldn’t be too hard to trick these punks. What do we know about them?”

Daisy turned toward the tour bus. The 8-bits had a whole music theme going on. They seemed REAL eager to make a name for themselves by any means necessary. She might even describe them as desperate. 

“I know what to do,” she said.

“Music to my ears!” Waluigi said before leaning in close. “What’ve you got in mind?”

Chapter Text

Daisy reassured Wanda that they were only borrowing the clothes they were using as a disguise. The clerks of the local Crazy Cap clothing store would no doubt be grateful when she and Waluigi rescued them from their comas.

Waluigi looked surprisingly sharp in his high-end business suit and slicked back hair. “You clean up well when you put your mind to it,” she told him. “You could pass for a mafia enforcer.”

“You don’t look so gruesome yourself,” Waluigi said. “It’s weird seeing you in something other than a gown or sportswear.”

“Listen, when you have to EARN the gown you make a point to wear it.” Although the suit she picked out for herself was expensive enough that she did not mind the change in costume. She wondered if she could get away with keeping the shoes without Wanda noticing.

They approached the tour bus. “Alright,” Waluigi said. “It’s show time,”  

Daisy rapped her knuckles against the boarding door of the bus. The door swung open to reveal a giant crab glaring at them.

“Yar?!” Clawgrip growled. “Do ye be lookin’ for trouble ye city-slickin’ land-lubbers?!”

 “Oh, far from it!” Daisy said, aiming to capture the smarm of a Chuck Quizmo. “It’s not just me knocking, it’s opportunity!”

 “We could not help but hear that captivating music you all are playing,” Waluigi said. “Tell us, is that an original composition? Is that a song you made?”

“Oh, uh.” Clawgrip was caught off guard. “I suppose ye could say that.” He pinched at his claws, flustered. “But it isn’t just I. Me mates and I made that piece together, y’see.”

“You seem like a busy arthropod, so let me cut right to the chase,” Daisy said. “I’m Priscilla Darling and this is my associate Wallace. We’re talent scouts for Kondo Records and we’d like to hear more about this little band of yours.”

“Really?” Clawgrip looked touched. “Ye… really like it?”

“I can honestly say I’ve never heard anything like it,” Waluigi said. “May we come in?”

Clawgrip stared, the gears turning in his head. “O-one moment!” He shut the door only to open it again. “Don’t go anywhere!” He shut it again.

Daisy put her ear up against the door to hear a flurry of frantic whispers on the other side. She pulled away just before the door swung open again with Mouser and Tryclyde crowding Clawgrip to see.

“Come in, come in! Please!” they said.

The inside of the bus was spacious, wide enough to occupy both lanes of the road and a bit of the sidewalk. There were luxurious fold-out sofas and a mini-kitchen and more than enough overhead storage space to pack all those shy guys for travel. The 8-bit generals scrambled to clear dirty dishes off a pool table to make room to sit. There was the rat Mouser, that three-headed snake Tryclyde, the sidestepper Clawgrip, and a big fireball guy in a black domino mask who Daisy did not recognize. She kept an eye on Mouser and noticed him come back from the front of the bus without his wand.

“You heard our music on the ssspeakers?” Tryclyde said.  

Waluigi sat down. “Truth be told, we heard you first while vacationing on scenic Isle Delfino. We just HAD to track you down when we found out you weren’t signed with any of our competitors.”

Mouser slugged Clawgrip in the shoulder. “See?! I TOLD you that ad campaign would pay off!”

“Oh my,” the fireball said. “D-does this mean you’re going to offer us a contract?!”

“Well, if it was just our decision, we’d make you an offer right now,” Daisy said. “But our boss is a bit bearish and needs to make sure you’re a good fit for the Kondo brand.”

“What kind of brand do they want?!” Tryclde said. “We’re flexible. VERY flexible. We can make this work!”

“Yar! Where be your artistic integrity ye yellow bellied sell out?!”

“Both of you numbskulls shut up and let me do the negotiatin’!” Mouser said.

“So this boss of yours gets the final say?” the fireball guy said. “Where can we meet this person, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Right on cue, Wanda appeared in the doorway of the bus wearing a feather boa and a pair of sunglasses bigger than her face. She floated up to the pool table, cool as ice.

“Allow me to introduce you,” Daisy said. “This is Francisca Money-coin, CEO of Kondo Records. It took a LOT of work to talk her into meeting you today. She is very rich AND very famous.”

The 8-bits were star struck. They also wanted to be rich and famous.

“It’s an honor to meet you Ms. Money-coin,” Mouser sniveled. “Can I call you Fran?”

Wanda sneered. “No.”

“O-oh. Well, would you like to hear some of our music? Our lead vocalist isn’t here but we have plenty of demo tracks to give you a taste of what we can—”

Waluigi waved him off. “Ms. Money-coin is FAR too busy to listen to music. It’s beside the point, really. A good music career is about the marketing, not the sound.”

Daisy leaned in to whisper to Waluigi.

“Keep ‘em busy. I’m going to search the back.”

He nodded in response.

“Tell us about how the band first got together,” Waluigi said. “Who are the 8-bits? What are they? Tell us your story. Tell us everything. But try not to bore Ms. Money-coin or we’ll leave immediately.”

The goons were frozen in silence, terrified. The fireball was the first one to drum up the courage to speak.

“W-well, I’m Fryguy. I used to be a podoboo lava bubble. I wasted my youth jumping around in lava all day. But then I met Wart, and I think he sensed how bad I wanted to make it big playing electric guitar. He used magic to make me HUGE. That’s half my goal right there! So now I’m working on the guitar part.”

Daisy let all the attention fall on Wanda. She inched around the table to snoop while they were distracted.

“Now me, I use to just be a little mouser. Wart fixed it so I’m large now which means I get to be Mouser. How do you like that? I handle accompaniment instruments but what gets me fired up is adding the flash and booms to the show. Special effects are where my heart is at!”

“We used to be a snake with only ONE head,” Tryclyde said. “NOW look at us!”

Daisy slipped into the other room. It appeared to be the cockpit or bridge of the battleship class tour bus. There was a huge coal furnace sitting cold in the center of the room and a ladder leading up to a hatch in the corner. A bunch of levers, controls, and a steering wheel sat in front of a vast windshield. She searched the room for that wand. It could not have gotten far. The conversation went on in the other room.

“I’m sensing a pattern with these stories,” Waluigi said.

“I haven’t even gotten to tell ye about when I was only a wee regular crab!” Clawgrip said.

“Inspirational,” Waluigi said. “I see that you all owe this Wart guy quite a bit. So it’s you four and him that are the on stage performers?”

“Well, we USED to have a back-up singer,” Fryguy said. “But she split to focus on her stage career. We’re still taking auditions for a replacement.”

“We can worry about that later,” Waluigi said. “You’ve told us where you came from, but what about the now? Who ARE the 8-bits? What sets you apart from other bands? What drives you?”

A dumb silence fell over the group.

“I dunno,” Mouser said finally. “I guess we’re all little guys who wanna make it big, y’know?”

“Yesss. And Master Wart will make sure we will not be ignored! By any means necessary! If we must destroy reality and the world of dreams then so be it! We will be seen and heard, or all will suffer!”

“Say fellas, how would you like some coffee?” Fryguy said. “We got coffee, tea, and juice.”

“I’d like some juice please!” Wanda said, breaking character.

Daisy rolled her eyes. She rummaged through the glovebox of the bus and grinned to herself as she pulled out the wand. The red dream gem was stuck on the tip to power it. She pulled at the gem, trying to twist it free, but it was stuck hard.

“Hey lady!” Fryguy barged into the room. “You want somethin’ to drink?! I just found out we got soda too!”

Daisy yelped and dropped the wand. It hit the floor with a crack and the dream gem rolled toward the guitarist. He looked down at the broken wand, then up at daisy, then down at the dream gem, then up at Daisy again.

“Excuse me missy,” he said, “Just WHAT do you think you are doing in here?!”

“Uh,” Daisy said, stalling, “Looking for coffee?”

Waluigi shoved his way into the room ahead of Tryclyde and Mouser. “Y’know I think you boys are a good fit for Kondo records!” he said. “Let’s negotiate your signing bonus!”

“They’re trying to trick us!” Fryguy said. “They’re after the dream gem!”

Mouser pointed at Daisy. “Wait! I THOUGHT I recognized you! You’re that Peach look-a-like!”

“No, you idiot!” Daisy said, blood boiling. “I’m Princess Daisy. D-A-I-S-Y!”

Waluigi face palmed at her confession. Oops.

“Protect the dream gem!” Tryclyde said. “Dessstroy them!”

Daisy scooped the gem off the floor and tossed it to Waluigi before the 8-bits could surround her. Fryguy moved to block the way out. Waluigi danced through a flurry of fireballs spat by Tryclyde. He passed the gem back to Daisy, but Mouser snatched it out of the air. Daisy tackled him to the floor and the dream gem went skittering.

“Wanda! Think fast!” Waluigi said as he kicked the gem straight through Fryguy’s flames.

“Whoa what?” Wanda spilled her juice as she watched the dream gem bounce off Clawgrip’s head and down the corner pocket of the pool table. Clawgrip glanced around in confusion.

“Battle stations!” Mouser shouted into a radio transceiver. His voice boomed over the bus’s speakers. “All hands on deck! Fryguy! Start the engines!”

“You got it squeaker!” Fryguy said. Daisy jumped out of the way as Fryguy charged into the coal furnace on the bridge and hopped inside. All at once the room lit up and his flame body roared, powering the tour bus. Automated turrets lowered from the ceiling and shyguys crawled in through the windows.

“Let’s get out of here!” Waluigi said. Daisy followed him out into the main cabin. They spotted Wanda with her arm stuck down the hole of the pool table.

“Where’s the dream gem?!” Daisy said.

“It’s stuck down here!” Wanda said. “Eek!”

She flew out of the way as Clawgrip raised one of his giant pincers and smashed the pool table to smithereens with one bellowing “YARR!”

Daisy covered her face as wood and shrapnel flew everywhere. The bus rumbled to life under her feet. Clawgrip scuttled left and right, sizing up whether Waluigi or Daisy was the bigger threat. He charged Waluigi. Daisy was so insulted she grabbed a pool cue and broke it over Clawgrip’s head.

“Yow! Ye dented me carapace!”

Waluigi seized on the distraction and fished the dream gem out of the remains of the pool table. He held it up in triumph only for it to be knocked from his hand by one of Tryclyde’s fireballs and bounced out the door of the bus. Everyone elbowed, shoved, kicked, and fought to be the first one out the door to chase it and got caught in the doorframe as a mass of flailing limbs. Wanda flew over the heads of everyone and snatched it off the pavement outside. Her eyes darted every which way as she tried to figure out what to do.

“Just fly!” Daisy said. “Get it out of here!”

Wanda nodded and zipped away down the roadways of New Donk City. Mouser, Clawgrip, and Tryclyde pulled away from the door and then shoved Daisy and Waluig out.

“End of the road, bozos!” Mouser said. “Try not to get run over!”

The door slid shut. The air brakes hissed. The tour bus started to move and Daisy and Waluigi had to scramble to get out of the way. The behemoth machine mowed down streetlights, park benches and signs as it picked up speed to go after Wanda. Daisy ran to keep up, but once the bus got going it was tearing through the city too fast. It disappeared around the corner, blasting music.

Daisy turned to Waluigi, out of breath. “They’re… gonna catch… Wanda if we don’t… do something!

Waluigi glanced around. He stepped out into the street and extended an arm. “Taxi!” he said.

A cab sped to a halt next him within moments. The driver popped his head out the window and tipped his fedora.

“Where ya headin’ mac?”

Waluigi popped open the driver side door and dragged the cabbie out into the street.

“Hey what’s the big idea?!” the guy said before being dunked into a dumpster. Waluigi hopped into the driver’s seat.

“Get in!” Waluigi told Daisy. “We’ll go after them!”

Chapter Text

Daisy piled into the passenger seat and buckled in as Waluigi peeled out down the inner-city street. He followed the trail of collateral damage, weaving around rubble and sleeping pedestrians until they got within sight of the tour tank. Mouser looking back at them, standing on the roof of the moving vehicle. He produced a black bomb with a lit fuse from behind his back and sneered at them.

“Hold on!” Waluigi veered hard to the left as a bomb bounced off the road and exploded. Daisy ducked as the side window burst spraying glass over her head. She didn’t even have a chance to sit up before Waluigi lurched the car from a second bomb and then a third. The tires squealed as they rounded the corner of Troff Street onto Scoff Boulevard.

“We’re not getting any closer!” Daisy said. “Let me drive!”

“Shut up!” Waluigi said, threading his way through explosions, “I’ve got this!”

He was a fine driver but that was not going to cut it. Daisy peered around the inside of the taxi for ideas and noticed a baseball bat wedged into the floor of the taxi. Maybe this was the cab driver’s idea of dealing with problem clients. She grabbed the bat and unfastened her safety belt.

“What’dya think you’re doing?!” Waluigi said, trying to keep his eyes on the road.

“Keep us steady! I’ll handle this!”

She pulled herself through the broken window and double jumped onto the roof of the car. They were going so fast her footing was shaky, but she steadied her balance and took a batting stance.

“I don’t know if you noticed but they’re hucking BOMBS at us!” Waluigi shouted over the roar of the engine.

“Just trust me!” Daisy yelled back.

“You’re going to get us killed!”

She did not get to become princess by playing things safe. She blew a raspberry at Mouser and he glared back. The overgrown rodent wound up a pitch and served.

CRACK. The bomb went wide, and a billboard was blasted to smithereens.

“Foul ball!” Waluigi chided over the noise.

“Strike one,” Daisy muttered. She was touched Waluigi kept the car steady. If he tried to dodge now, she would go flying. He trusted her enough to pull this off after all.

Mouser looked amused. It was a game now. He mimed the posture of a pitcher and served a fast ball. The bomb sailed past and Daisy whiffed. She heard an explosion and now someone had an insurance claim.

“Strike two!” Waluigi said.

The rat was laughing at her. Daisy tightened her posture. No more mistakes. Time to end this.

Mouser lobbed the bomb and it arced high. Daisy gasped as she tracked its fall. He was not aiming for her anymore, it was going to land just in front of the cab out of her reach. She charged down the hood of the car to close the gap and swung. CRACK. The bomb flew back the way it came and exploded. BOOM. Mouser toppled over the edge of the bus and tumbled across the pavement as Daisy fell on her butt against the windshield.

“Watch what you’re doing!” Waluigi said. “I can’t see!”

“You’re welcome, I guess! Yeesh!” Daisy pushed against the wind to stand. The rear of the tour bus was gouged out by the explosion and she could see inside. “Get us close! I can jump in!”

“You want to game over that bad? You’re crazy!”

“Just do it!”

Waluigi hit the gas and the dinky cab accelerated as fast as it could. Beezos fluttered out the back of the tour bus, flying at her with spears. Daisy batted them out of the way, chucking the bat at the last one before the bus came within arm’s reach. She hopped on and watched the cab slow down.

“Don’t screw this up!” Waluigi shouted through the smoke of the overheating taxicab engine.

“I got this!” she said.

Daisy spun to charge deeper into the bus. A whole gaggle of shy guys and snifits waddled and scampered up to block her, leaving her no choice but to punch and kick a path through them.  They scattered after she tossed one or two of the minions out the back of the bus.

“What’s going on back there?!” Fryguy shouted from the bridge. “Why’s everyone screaming?!”

Daisy swaggered into the next room ready to bust some heads. Fryguy burned bright in the engine furnace, a blazing fire powering the bus. Beyond him was Tryclyde at the helm, the steering wheel gripped in two of their mouths. The middle head glanced back and spotted her.

“We’ve been breached!”

“Don’t let her get onto the roof!” Fryguy said. “Wart will be positively LIVID if we lose that little dream gem!”

Tryclyde let go of the steering wheel a moment and the bus drifted just enough to grind against the nearest skyscraper. They snapped the wheel back into its mouth out of panic.

“We mussst steer, or we’ll crash!” Tryclyde said.

“Fine, fine, then I’ll get rid of her myself yeesh.”

Fryguy hopped out of the furnace and puffed his cheeks up in irritation.

“Alright you phony little talent scout!” he said. “You gonna play with fire? Prepare to get burned!”

“Whoa!” Daisy rolled out of the way as Fryguy spat a hail of fireballs. She felt the bus slow under her feet as she dodged. They were coasting on inertia. She made a break for the ladder to the roof, but he herded her away with suppressive fire.

“Is this any way to treat a guest?” Daisy said.

“Teatime’s over, moppet! It’s dinner time and your goose is cooked!”

Fryguy took a deep breath to ready another barrage. Half the room was up in flames already. Daisy looked for something, anything, to use. A coffee pot rattled on a service cart in the corner. She lunged to grab it.

“But you look so parched!” Daisy said as she splashed Fryguy with the last of the stale coffee. “One more cup won’t hurt!”

“WHOAOOF!” Fryguy said before bursting apart in a puff of steam into a few pint-sized embers. They shrieked and jeered at her in little voices too high pitched to make out.

“Fryguy!” Tryclyde gasped before gripping the wheel again before the bus collided with something. “You’ll pay for that, Daisy!”

“Hey, you remembered my name,” she said, “I must be doing something right!”

Tryclyde let go of the wheel and leapt at her with a snarl. The bus coasted as Daisy went back to dodging fireballs.

“You want us to crash?!” Daisy said.

“Shut up!” Tryclyde said. “You’re toasted!”

A high-pitched whine caught Daisy’s ear. She glanced down the length of the bus out the back and spotted a motor scooter gaining on the slowing bus outside.

It was Waluigi.

Tryclyde and Daisy watched as he ramped the little scooter off a ramp of rubble into the tour bus and bailed. The scooter sped down the bus and slammed into Tryclyde.

“Oorgh!” they said, their heads flailing before collapsing onto the bus controls. The bus shook as it carved out the side of some office building or another and brought the whole thing to a halt.

“Ugh,” Daisy said. She looked up from the floor and saw Waluigi offering a hand to help her up. “About time you showed up.”

He smirked. “Sorry, you know how city traffic is.”

Daisy got on her feet with a renewed appreciation for the importance of seat belts. She looked up at the ladder to the roof of the bus.

“Ladies first,” Waluigi said.

As if she needed his permission. She scaled the rungs and pushed open the hatch at the top.

Chapter Text

Daisy stepped out onto the roof of the bus and saw the left side of the street shaved clean of its Northern walls. A few bewildered New Donkers peeked out from their now drafty apartments at the mess outside. The bus was neutralized, but where was Wanda?

“Look!” Waluigi said, pointing.

She craned her neck up and spotted Wanda high out of reach in the air. She was zipping every which way as beezos chased her through the sky with their spears. The bus must have been circling her like a buzzard waiting for her to fall. She tried to think of some way for her or Waluigi to get up there to help.  The beezos were battering Wanda as she was trying her best just to get away. They watched, helpless, as their friend took one blow too many and fell from the sky.

“Wanda!” Daisy shouted.

“Yar har har har!” Clawgrip laughed and clacked his pincers. “That’s it! Bring the wee one here to me!”

The crab sat on the front end of the bus like a big ugly barnacle. It would have been nice if he had died in the crash, but nothing today was that easy. The beezos snatched Wanda and delivered her into the clawed grip of the appropriately named Clawgrip. He turned to shoot Daisy a smug look.

“Let her go or I’ll make rangoon out of you!” Daisy said.

“Ye’d best watch your tongue if you know what’s good for ye.” Clawgrip held up the squirming Wanda and readied his other claw to snip her throat.

“Whoa, whoa!” Waluigi said, alarmed. “There’s no need for that! Just calm down!”

“Ahhhhh!” Wanda said. “Ahhhhhhh!!”

“Ye want to parlay, do ye?” His claws were massive enough to pop her like a P-balloon. “You’ll be doing as I say if ye care for this sprixie.”

The beezos watched, perched on the roof tops and spears at the ready. Daisy felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She hated that after all this fighting now she was at the mercy of this clown.

“Alright,” she sighed. “What do ya want?”

“First,” Clawgrip said. “You’ll be signing us that recording deal! 70% of the royalties stay with the band! And we keep complete creative control too, or else this little executive gets it!”

Waluigi and Daisy exchanged a sideways glance.

“Uh,” Waluigi started. “You know that we’re not actually talent scouts, right?”

“Huh?”

“That was a trick,” Daisy said. “Kondo Records isn’t even a real company.”

“But I thought…” Clawgrip’s voice wavered. His eyes welled up with disappointment. “Why would ye lie about somethin’ like that?”

“We’re trying to steal the dream gem,” Waluigi said growing irritated. “I thought that was obvious.”

“But ye weren’t lying at least about liking our music, yeah?”

“Okay, do you want me to be honest?” Daisy said. “Because I can be honest.”

Clawgrip hesitated. “Of course I want ye to be honest!”

“Alright. I think you guys sound pretty rough.”

“What’re you doing?!” Wanda said, squirming. “Just tell him they sound great!”

“Hold on, this has been bothering me,” Daisy said. “Like, maybe a couple of you have some talent but I can’t tell because it feels like you either haven’t practiced enough or skipped learning the fundamentals. If you were as good as you think you are, I doubt you’d need to dreamnap a whole stadium of pedestrians to fill seats.”

“Fah!” Clawgrip said. “What do you know anyway?! Genius is never recognized in its time! What would a liar like ye know about True Art anyway? Nothing!” He spat. “Everyone’s a critic. You probably think Sal Out is a good singer too! Just like everyone else. Hmph.”

“Okay this is going great,” Waluigi said. “You know now we’re not talent scouts and you don’t respect our opinion. Can you let our friend go now?”

“Yeah!” Wanda said.

“Not so fast ye uncultured plebs! I ain’t leaving here empty handed! You’re after the dream gems are ye? Then I’ll be havin’ the ones you stole then!”

“What? No!” Daisy said. “That’s not fair! We need those!”

Wanda squealed as Clawgrip tightened his claws. “He’s going to kill me if you don’t!”

“Ugh.” Daisy rubbed her forehead in frustration. “Do we have to?”

Waluigi growled under his breath. “I want to win as much as you do, but…”

That would not be right. It would be easy to let Wanda die. They were so close to finishing this quest. But Wanda was a friend and there was no way Daisy could sit and watch her dumb little sprixie head get squeezed off.

Daisy could not help but smirk when an idea popped into her head.

“Alright,” she said. “Give him the stone, Waluigi. Really let him have it.”

A hint of a smile flashed on his face as he caught her meaning. She could always count on him to be quick on the uptake. He reached down into his overalls.

“Nice and easy,” Clawgrip said. “No funny business now.”

Waluigi pulled out the blue dream gem.

“Good,” Clawgrip said. “Now give it to me.”

“My pleasure,” Waluigi said and hurled the gemstone in Clawgrip’s face.

“YOWF!” the crab shouted.

Wanda flew off as he stumbled back to the edge of the bus.

“How did ye remember,” Clawgrip murmured, “that me one weakness was having rocks thrown at me…?”

Clawgrip toppled over the edge with a gut-wrenching bellow followed by a distant thud. The beezos, seeing their boss defeated, scattered like pigeons.

“Yeah, you better run!” Daisy said, “We’re coming for you and Wart next! Just you wait!”

“You okay, Wanda?” Waluigi said.

She fluttered down from above to join them. “You didn’t have to cut it that close! I almost got squished!”

“Sorry. That didn’t exactly go as planned.” Daisy scooped up the loose dream gem with the toe of her shoe and kicked it up to her palm. “But look on the bright side! We got the last dream gem! AND we saved New Donk City to boot!”

Waluigi peered back at the smoldering ruins of the last half dozen city blocks.

“Ehh. More or less,” he said. “Let’s maybe not try and take credit for this one.”

“…Yeah,” Daisy said. “Probably best to get while the getting is good.”

“Let’s go put the Sundream Stone back together!” Wanda said. “We can wish for the power to stop Wart and beat him for good this this time!”

Now there was a plan. Daisy hopped off the bus and bounced off the unconscious Clawgrip. “Let’s do it!”

Waluigi jumped down after her and adjusted his cap. Wanda followed and the three of them strolled through the burning wreckage of downtown. Things were looking up.

Chapter Text

After running around all day, it was nice to be back in the Peaceful Woods. The sky was teasing the first hints of sunset and the gentle snore of comatose yoshis was soothing. There were only a couple of loose ends to tie up and they would be done. It was almost a shame.

“Today’s been fun,” Daisy said.  “Apart from all the near brushes with death.”

“Nothing we can’t handle,” Waluigi said. “Though it galls me we have to rely on the power of dreams and stars to finish this.”

“What’s wrong with the stars?” Wanda said. “They’re nicer than some people I could mention.”

“Anyone can be nice,” Waluigi said. “Doesn’t mean you should be given the ultimate power over wishes. Would you trust me with that power if I pretended to be nice?”

Daisy found it hard to imagine Waluigi doing anything too awful with that sort of power.

“You? Sure. Couldn’t be that bad. You spend so much time thinking about what’s fair that I don’t think you’d break anything. Now, if someone like WARIO got ahold of that power, I’d be worried.”

“I’m insulted,” Waluigi said. “You’ve competed against me. You should know better.”

“There is something about the stars that creeps me out, though,” Daisy said.

“Like how easily they could abuse their power?”

“No, it’s the fact they’re from outer space,” Daisy said. “People from other planets make me uncomfortable. Like, how do you trust someone who’s got no reason to care about what happens here?”

“What about Rosalina?” Waluigi said. “I hear she’s from space.”

“Do I trust an aloof mystical alien?” Daisy said. “Heck no! I’m not even sure if she’s actually a princess! She’s more like a weird cat lady, but with pudgy star babies instead.”

“I like the challenge she presents at go-karts,” Waluigi said.

“Yeah, I guess,” Daisy said. “But how do we know she’s not up to something?”

“I think Mario said something on TV about her doing… something to help save the world,” Wanda said. “I’m still not exactly sure what happened, but it sounded important.”

“Look, she’s probably fine,” Daisy said. “I just had a very traumatic experience with a space thug, alright? As far as I’m concerned, we have enough trouble here without having to import extra.”

“Don’t be spacist,” Wanda said. “All life is precious.”

“Yeah, it doesn’t matter where people are from,” Waluigi said. “Alien or local, they’re all the same. None of them stand a chance against me.”

Daisy chuckled. That was a philosophy she could get behind. “Alright,” she said. “Not EVERYONE from space is a bad guy. But I think it’s smart to be careful around anyone who introduces themself as a celestial power.”

“Dreams are a fundamental building block of the universe,” Waluigi said. “Wishes are dreams made reality. The Stars control which wishes come true, so whether we like it or not they control the universe. But they aren’t any smarter than the rest of us. They just have more power. That’s what I don’t like about them.”

“Okay,” Wanda said. “But if we didn’t have SOMEONE in charge of wishes then who’s gonna stop bad stuff from happening? Wart found a way to cheat the system and look at the damage he’s doing!”

“He wants something and he’s trying to take it,” Waluigi said. “I respect that. But the thing is we want something too. And we’re going to stop him because our will is stronger than his. I like that better than a bunch of out-of-touch stars deciding which of us is ‘good’ or ‘special.’”

Wanda shook her head. “But you’re doing it for yourself. The stars at least TRY to make things good for everybody. If your dream is selfish, how can you be sure you’re any better than Wart?”

“Because we’re not stupid,” Daisy said. “You think we’re going to wreck our own planet to get what we want?”

“Wishes are powerful!” Wanda said. “If your heart isn’t in the right place you could do damage without meaning to! That’s why Mario is such a good hero. He just wants to help.”

Waluigi rolled his eyes. “And I’m sure Princess Peach has nothing to do with it.”

“Yeah!” Daisy said. “Don’t lecture us about our own wishes. Everyone needs to be a little selfish or else they’d never wish in the first place. We’re trying to stop an obvious bad guy. Isn’t that enough?”

Wanda let out an exasperated sigh. “Please just be careful, okay?”

The three of them arrived at the yoshi village. They stepped over the comatose yoshis and pushed their way into the clearing where the Sundream Stone tablet was stored.

“Hey, uh. Wanda?” Daisy said. “Did we take a wrong turn or something? I thought Sunny’s tablet was here.”

Wanda zipped back and forth around the clearing with panic spreading across her face. “No! This is where it’s kept! It’s gone! The Sundream Stone is missing!”

Waluigi fished Sunny’s face out of his overalls. Its eyes were closed like it was napping. Waluigi gave it a good shake to wake it up.

“Oh! Good morning,” Sunny said with a yawn. “It feels like you found all my dream gems! Good job.”

“I know that already!” Waluigi said. “Where’s your body? Where did it go?!”

Sunny concentrated a moment and then looked confused. “Huh. That’s odd!”

“What is?” Wanda said.

“I can’t feel my body at all! That’s not supposed to happen…” Sunny said. “It’s not destroyed. I’d be DEAD if that were the case, haha! So that means it must be on another plane of existence.”

Daisy bent over to study the ground. There were fresh tracks of tiny footprints going every which way in the mud.

“Looks like some minions came through here,” Daisy said. “They must’ve hauled Sunny’s body off to Subcon!”

“Waaagh!” Waluigi growled as he crammed Sunny back down his overalls. “Then we need to go back there and steal it back!”

Daisy’s cell phone started vibrating in her pocket. She pulled it out and was surprised to see her father was calling her.

“Hello?”

“Oh! Oh, I can’t believe this! Thank the Stars. Is this working? Daisy? Can you hear me? Hello?”

“Yeah, you’re coming in fine,” Daisy said. “Dad, can this wait? I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

“No! Please don’t hang up!” He was whimpering. “I’ll never figure out how to call you again!”

“Alright, just calm down,” she said. “What’s going on?”

“You need to come back to Sarasaland RIGHT NOW!” dad said, desperation rising in his voice. “It’s an emergency!”

Chapter Text

Black plumes of smoke rose from the exploded towers of the palace. Countless bodies littered the streets of the city, each one snoring gently. The capital was in ruins. Shy guys from the invading forces still lingered, waddling around, climbing on top of things like cats, or otherwise just hanging out. The sky was dark. A massive, swirling dream portal hung in the sky over everything. But the cotton candy tie-dye pastels of the portal were different, darkened by veins of black reaching through to take root in the waking world.

Daisy stepped around the rubble to sprint up the steps of the palace. The front gate was blasted off its hinges. Everything was destroyed. Waluigi and Wanda followed her as she stormed through the entrance, making a point to punt any minion who got in her way.  

Things were not any better inside. Comatose servants dozed in restless slumber at her feet. Columns were knocked over and walls blown apart. To put it plainly, this sucked. She had JUST finished renovating the castle last month.

“This is terrible!” Wanda said. “I’m sorry, Daisy.”

“Yeah, me too,” Daisy said, feeling her temper starting to boil. “You think those 8-bit bozos are still here?”

“I do,” Waluigi said. “You hear that?”

Daisy listened. There was music: a faint, gurgling sort of singing deeper inside the castle. She gestured for her friends to follow and stalked towards it. It was time for some pay-back.

They stepped into the throne room. Things were no better here, but the rumble of the music was closer. Daisy spotted someone hiding behind her throne.

“Hey!” She shouted. “I see you! Get out here!”

The wall to her left burst open as an ear-piercing shockwave punched through, spraying dust and debris everywhere. Daisy’s ears rang. She waved an arm to clear the dust from her eyes. A team of snifits hefting boomboxes hopped through the new hole in the wall. Wart, that slimy obese frog and would-be king of Subcon, swaggered into Daisy’s throne room trailing a microphone cord behind him. A wide, smug grin spread across his face.

“THEEEERE you are!” he said. “I was starting to worry you’d miss out on the fun! I wouldn’t want to miss your reaction to my little surprise.”

“You think you’re getting away with wrecking my kingdom?!” Daisy said, shaking her fist. “I just got the downtown walkways how I wanted! Now I have to start over!”

“It’s only fair princess,” Wart cooed. “You’ve thrown so many rocky wrenches into my plan that I had to come all the way to the waking world MYSELF to harvest the last few dreamers I needed. But you know what? It’s fine. I thought to myself, if she wants to get involved this bad, then I know just where to sleep-nap the last of my new fans!”

“You mean dreamnap,” Daisy said.

“What?” Wart said.

“Dreamnap is a better term for it,” she said, “That’s what I think, anyway.”

Wart tried to wrap his pea-sized brain around this.

“No? That’s ridiculous. Sleep-nap sounds WAY better. If someone came up to me on the street and said the word dream-nap to me, there’s no way I’d take them seriously.”

“ARGH!” Daisy pounded her foot in frustration. “This is why your stupid band is never going to get any good! You never listen to constructive criticism!”

Waluigi tugged at the shoulder puffs of Daisy’s gown.

“I don’t like the look of those boomboxes,” he whispered. “We need to fight him somewhere with more cover.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Daisy said.

“Please listen to him,” Wanda said. “I don’t want to game over here!”

“HEY!” Wart’s voice boomed so loud through the speakers the whole castle shook. “Pay attention to me!”

The three of them winced from the noise and glared at him, which seemed to make him happy.  

“So, it turns out I need to fill just a COUPLE more concert seats,” Wart said. “Wanna take a guess who I’ve got in mind?” He snapped his fingers and snifits cued up a beat loop on the boom boxes.

“Uh oh,” Daisy said.

“This track, which has been climbing the charts, will be recognized by a growing number of fans and victims…” The frog man flashed a wicked grin, “As Wart’s Lullaby. Ahem…”

Daisy’s team scrambled to get away as Wart belted out the first verse of his cursed melody. But there was nowhere to go. The throne room was huge and open with excellent acoustics by design.

“Little Darlin’, go to sleep!” Wart crooned. “Shut them eyes and count some sheep!”

Shockwaves rippled out of the boomboxes and plowed across the floor and walls. Daisy and Waluigi leapt out of the way but Wanda was too slow and got caught in the blast zone. She dropped like a brick and plopped onto the carpet, limp.

“Wanda!” Waluigi and Daisy shouted.

“Little baby, just go to bed… Stop your screaming or I’ll smack that head!”

Daisy spun looking for cover but there was none. Before she could react, Waluigi shoved her out of the way and took the blast for her.

“No!” Daisy said.

 They both hit the floor. She lurched to check on him but was blinded by a flash of light.

The five multi-colored dream gems floated in front of Waluigi, rotating like a shield. They crackled with energy and then with a POP sent Wart’s shockwave back the way it came. The snifits collapsed in a heap at Wart’s feet and the amphibian sorcerer stood stunned.

“Errrrgh—” Wart shook off the effects of the lullaby, his body radiating the faint black aura of subspace. He gaped at the hovering dream gems shielding Waluigi.

“You collected all of them?” Wart said. “…This changes things.” He fussed with some buttons on his microphone and after a moment of audio feedback, spoke: “Attention all roadies! This is your idol speaking! New plan! Everyone back to Subcon! On the double!”

“Where do you think you’re going!?” Daisy said. “We’re not done with you yet!”

“Sorry toots,” Wart said as he summoned a black portal with a wave of his hand. “That was just a demo. If you want to see the rest of the show you’ll just have to come to the concert.” He dropped the mic and stepped through the portal. It disappeared before Daisy could catch him.

The dream gems glimmered and then clattered to the floor, inert. Waluigi snapped out of whatever stupor he was under and looked around.

“He’s… gone?” he said.

“Yeah,” Daisy said, furious.

Waluigi knelt next to Wanda to check on her. She was already curled on the carpet, her eyes closed and her body still. The tiniest baby snores escaped from the back of her throat.

“They got her.” Anger wrinkled his face.

Daisy scooped Wanda up, trying her best to mimic the baby holding technique Waluigi showed her before.

“We’ll save her,” she said as she set Wanda down on the cushions of her throne. “We’ll wake her up and everyone else too.”

Waluigi picked the dream gems off the floor. She half expected a sarcastic jab from him, but he was grim and silent instead.

“So, uh,” a thuggish voice said from behind the throne. “It’s safe to come out now, right?”

Daisy recognized that voice. “…Hiyohoi?”

The stone king stomped out from behind the throne to glare at her. She was surprised to see him awake and in one piece. He wore bandages and there was spackle wedged in the cracks of his stone body. It looked like he had put up a good fight.

“About time you showed up,” he grumbled.

Chapter Text

 “I hope you enjoyed your cruise,” Hiyohoi said. “Did ya have fun? Good, great. Let me catch you up to speed since a couple things happened while you were out. First thing: Your kingdom exploded. Also, there’s a hole in the sky and we’re all doomed!”

He pushed open the door to the guest hall and they followed him inside. The handful of surviving servants were laying rows and rows of dreamnapped victims out on whatever cots and blanket could be scrounged.  

“Don’t think Sarasaland’s ever been hit this hard,” Hiyohoi muttered. “There’s barely anyone left.”

Daisy looked over the casualties with a lump in her throat. It was like her palace had been transformed into some sort of morbid sleepover. There were hundreds of victims stretching down the guest wing as far as the eye could see. Even the kings were afflicted: Totomesu and Biokinton were sprawled out unconscious, and Dragonzamasu floated limp in his fishbowl. Daisy held her breath as she scanned the sea of faces, hoping one person was not among them and yet still looking.

“No!”

He was there. She ran to him, frantic. Dad slept on his back; his smart phone still clutched in his hands over his chest. Drool ran down his chin to wet the carpet. Daisy fell to her knees over him.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, “this is all my fault. I never should’ve upgraded you from a flip phone.”

Waluigi rested a comforting hand on her shoulder. She tried her best to be strong but was too much to take.

“None of this would’ve happened under your mom,” Hiyohoi said. “She woulda been here.”

“Hey!” Waluigi snapped. “Who asked you?!”

“Well, someone’s gotta say it,” Hiyohoi said.

He was right. The words cut deeper than Daisy liked.  It was Daisy’s job to protect these people, but she was off having hijinks with her friends. But that did NOT give him the right to tell her off. She got to her feet to meet his glare.

“You got a plan to fix this, princess?” Hiyohoi said. “I’ve had my hands full, y’know, actually being here and leading while you’ve been absent. If you’re too busy shopping or whatever to step up and do your job, you let me know.”

“No, I’ve got a handle on this, thanks,” Daisy said. “Just stay out of our way.”

“We kicked them out at least,” Waluigi said. “That gives us time to regroup and strike back.”

“Strike back?!” Hiyohoi laughed. “Our whole army is zonked out! Just what’re you gonna do?”

Daisy sighed. She wanted to go off on his impudent little stone-eye head, but now was not the time. It was time to act like a princess. Like mom.  

“I’m going to go to Subcon with Waluigi and we’re going to take care of this personally.”

Hiyohoi lifted his sunglasses to reveal his beady eyes. “You got a death wish or somethin’?”

“I’ve got a JOB to do,” she snarled. “Now shut up and listen. I need you to hold down the fort while I’m gone, got it?”

“Huh?” he said. “You want me in charge?”

“What I want is for all these people to be safe if anything else happens.” She stepped closer to look him dead in the eye. “And if I don’t come back, I need you to be a good princess. None of this petty power grab baloney. You take care of Sarasaland or I’ll come back to haunt you. You understand me?”

Hiyohoi fumbled with his sunglasses. “Y-yeah. Of course, princess.”

“Good.” Daisy turned toward Waluigi. “The hangar is this way. Let’s go.”

Daisy led Waluigi out onto the battlements of the castle. The blistered and infected sky bled a feeble red light over Sarasaland. The city below was in worse shape than New Donk City, and that was saying something.

“What’s the score here?” Waluigi said. “We head back to Pi’illo Island and dream our way back into Subcon?”

“No need.” Daisy hopped down the rubble of a ruined wall to the Western edge of the castle grounds. “I’ve got a better idea.”

She marched onto the airstrip and punched in the passcode to the hangar. The shutters clattered open and the lights flickered on to reveal a small yellow airplane with the words ‘Sky Pop’ emblazoned across its side.

“Voila,” she said. “No need for us to dream our way in when they left the door open. We just gotta get up to that portal and fly through it.”

“Wheheh!” Waluigi said. “I could get used to it here. You have all the best toys.”

“Stick around and maybe I’ll let you play pilot next time,” Daisy said.

They climbed inside mom’s private airplane and strapped in. She flipped a few switches, the propeller spun up, and she taxied out onto the runway. The portal stared down at them, writhing.

“The 8-bits are going to pay for this,” Daisy said. “You got Sunny and the dream gems in those pants of yours?”

“Check and check,” Waluigi said.

“Alright then. Let’s go be heroes.”

Daisy stepped on the gas and the plane started down the runway, picking up speed until it tottered up off the ground and into the air. It had been a while. She thumbed with the controls, loosening up her muscle memory. She did a barrel roll to scare Waluigi.

“WHAAA!!” Waluigi said, hanging onto his hat. “Knock it off!”

“You’re fine.” Getting a rise out of him was too much fun. “You can walk if you don’t like how I fly.”

The portal was huge. It swallowed the horizon as they drew close.

“Eyes up!” Waluigi pointed. “Bogeys incoming!”

Daisy squinted. A swarm of spear wielding beezos and pidgits on flying carpets poured out of the portal like a plague of gnats.

“You, uh, you got weapons on this thing?”

Daisy flipped the safety off and primed the missiles. “Who do you think I am?”

She opened fire and the Sky Pop pumped out round after round of cannon-ball shaped artillery with a chirpy BUP BUP BUP sound. Minions exploded into points and coins and she dodged around the ones she missed. She dogfought her way through the sky, doubling back to finish the job only to see even more jerks rushing out of the portal to fight.

“There’s too many! We can’t fight all of them!” Waluigi said.

“Watch me!” Daisy fired into the next wave, vaporizing a few dozen, only for the stragglers to latch onto her plane to stab it with tridents. “…Uh.”

Waluigi leaned out of his seat to kick off the pests with his long ballerina legs. “Quit goofing off and get us through that portal!”

He was right. There was no time for this. “Ugh, fine! You’re no fun!”

She accelerated through the oncoming enemies in through the portal, passing into a kaleidoscope of color striped with tendrils of black. The minions gave chase, gaining on them from behind. She lit the afterburners, but it was not enough. A couple managed to latch onto the tail and started tearing it to shreds.  

“Get out of my airspace you birdbrains!” she shouted.

The beezos giggled, tore the rudder out, and flew off with it. Daisy wrestled with the controls as the plane started to tilt.

“Was that bit important?!” Waluigi said.

Daisy grit her teeth. “You’re gonna want to put your seat belt back on!”

The portal opened onto the blackened skies of Subcon. The concert hall sat in the clouds, lit up like a Christmas tree. Daisy steered toward it, and the Sky Pop leaned more and more sideways.

“Can you land the plane like this?!” Waluigi shouted.

“I haven’t got a choice!” Daisy said. “I got this! Just hang on!”

As she strained with the yoke to keep them upright, a black shadow snaked out from the dark under her seat and wrapped around her body.

“What the—?! No! Get off me!”

“What’s going on?!” Waluigi said.

Before Daisy could say anything else, the silhouette engulfed her, and she disappeared.

Chapter Text

Daisy reappeared in a puff of smoke, coughing, dizzy, and confused. She waved away the dark vapor to find herself in a backstage dressing room. Racks of costumes and robes lined the walls alongside stacks of audio equipment. An assortment of pastries were laid out on a catering table next to a couple corked bottles of chuckola chilling in a bucket of ice.

“Help yourself to anything you like.”

Daisy’s blood ran cold as she turned to spot Mouser, Tryclyde, Clawgrip, and Fryguy sitting on sofas on either side of her. They looked battered, peppered with bruises and bandaged, with the exception of Fry Guy who appeared to be burning on a low heat. The four of them scowled, sour and silent, and avoided eye contact with her.

In-between was Wart. He sat away from them, facing a star shaped vanity mirror lined with lights. The bloated frog was dabbing his rubbery face with a delicate make up brush. He looked at Daisy’s reflection and smiled.

“Have a seat, princess. We have a little time before the show starts.” Wart turned his head to admire his handiwork. “I want to congratulate you for getting past the first round of auditions.”

Daisy kept still and tried to scan for an exit without being too obvious. “What’s going on?” she said. “Where’s Waluigi?”

“Oh. The purple guy?” Wart said. “I suppose we can check in on him.”

He snapped his fingers and a rectangular silhouette appeared in midair. It crackled to life and displayed security footage of outside the palace. The screen tracked the Skypop as it entered a nosedive. Waluigi had climbed into the pilot’s seat and was trying to pull up. Daisy stiffened as she watched, unable to help. It was no good. Waluigi steered away from the castle and aimed for a long stretch of cloud to land. The Sky Pop lurched, threatening to tip sideways. It touched down and the right wing clipped into solid cloud. Bits of metal snapped off as the wing was torn up by friction and ground down to the nub. Waluigi bailed out as the plane reached the edge of the cloud and the Sky Pop toppled right over the edge. Her mom’s favorite plane exploded against the peak of a mountaintop below.

But Waluigi survived. He stood up to dust the cloud from his overalls. Daisy exhaled in relief. 

“There, see?” Wart said. “He’s fine. Now you don’t have to be distracted.”

He flicked his wrist and the screen blipped out of existence. Wart swiveled his chair to face her.

“You’ve caused me a lot of trouble, you know that? I figured Mario would be the biggest thing to stand in my way, but instead my biggest problem is a meddling couple of rogue athletes!”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Daisy said.

“See, I like that,” Wart said. “You’ve got moxie, princess. Character. I dare say even Star Potential. That’s why I’d like to offer you an opportunity.”

Mouser looked up with clenched teeth. “She’s not worth it, boss. This lady is bad news.”

“Hey! Who’s the producer here, you or me?” Wart said. “I call the shots here! You let me handle this.”

“Yar,” Clawgrip mumbled. “Ye be better off pitching her into Subspace to be rid of her.”

“I might’ve considered that if a certain pack of clowns hadn’t let her get ahold of ALL the dream gems,” he said. “Listen, I’m not mad: just disappointed. She and the other guy are protected against my best spells now. Which means I need to get creative. But that’s fine. You gotta be flexible if you want to work in Show Business. What I’m thinking is that if this lady is trouble, then I want her working for US.”

“You think I’m going to JOIN you?!” Daisy said. “After you wrecked my whole kingdom!?”

“Listen, I know things got a bit heated earlier. It was very unprofessional. A bad look. Sleepnapping—sorry, dreamnapping everyone in Sarasaland does NOT help my pitch here, I admit that. But hey! You look like you needed a vacation anyway, so you’re welcome. And, here’s the thing… I’ve been chatting with my pal Subspace, and from what I hear I don’t think you mind THAT much.”

Daisy stared, feeling thrown off. “What’re you talking about?”

“Well, the way I hear it, politics aren’t the part of the job you like. All that pomp and ceremony and schmoozing with double-talking foreign backstabbers? Oh, and balancing a national budget is a drag too I’m sure.” Wart sighed, exhausted just thinking about it. “None of that is why you do what you do, is it? You’re there because you want to be something. You want to feel like you matter.”

Anger welled up in her. “EXCUSE me!? You wanna die?! I’ll fight you right here, you swamp sucking hack!”

“Whoa, hey now!” Wart held up his hands for mercy, playing it all off with a chuckle. “No need to get so worked up! I’m not the one saying all this about you. I went to check in with the Heart of Subspace earlier and before I could even get in a ‘how are you’ they were telling me ALL the grizzly details of your past. They’re a nice primordial deity, don’t get me wrong, but they are such a gossip, and they have a real problem with boundaries. But I don’t need to tell you that! Sorry about it rooting around in your brain like that. I keep telling them to knock that off, but they can’t seem to help themselves!”

Daisy got the sensation that, unless a fight broke out, there was a real possibility Wart might talk her to death. She held back the urge to punch him. She was outnumbered five to one and surrounded. Those were bad odds even for her.

“Is there a point you want to make or do you just like wasting time?” she said.

“Straight to business! I like that,” Wart said as he got out of his seat. “Here’s the deal. I heard your backstory, good stuff by the way, it brought me to tears, maybe there’s a movie or book deal in there somewhere but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. My takeaway is that this whole princess… thing is something you do for attention. Don’t look at me like that! There’s nothing wrong with wanting attention. I love attention,” he looked at his minions and spread his arms wide. “WE love attention. That’s why we’re working so hard to put this show on, to feel wanted and worthy and special. It’s a basic essential need, ask any scientist and they’ll agree. The problem is the rest of the world. Only so many people get to be special and you gotta bust your hump to even get noticed. The whole system is rigged if you ask me. Why should you have to keep winning tournaments when it’s obvious to anyone with more than a handful of brain cells that you’re awesome?”

Daisy was put on edge by how much sense Wart was talking. Her whole life was a race to win all the trophies she could, but no matter how far she ran she had to keep running. She thought about all the stress and running around it was taking to keep Hiyohoi from stealing her crown. It was hard work. A treadmill she had been stuck on her whole adult life. But, that was not all it was.

“I like competing,” she said. Winning a tournament was a rush. It made her feel alive. “I don’t need to cheat like you to get what I want.”

Wart scoffed. “You think what I’m doing is cheating? Please. The Stars decided a long time ago that none of my dreams would come true. They judged the wishes in my heart and decided I was worth less than other people. Do you think that’s fair? All I ever wanted was to be an entertainer! To bring joy to people all over the world! What’s so wrong about that?”

“Maybe the part where you dreamnap a whole nation of people to do it,” Daisy said.

“What if I told you that if you help me, I can let everyone go?”

Daisy balked. “What?”

Wart waved an arm and the whole room rippled with shadow. The two of them reappeared on the stage of the concert hall. A thousand chained captives stared back at Daisy from the audience. Her subjects squirmed, their eyes pleading for rescue. Wart regarded them all with pity.

“See, the only reason I abducted these people is ‘cause the Sundream Stone played so hard to get. I need A LOT of dream power to make my plan work. Borrowing it all from these poor souls is plan B. But... suppose I had all the dream gems? I could skip harvesting the dreams off these good people. That’s where you come in.”

A spotlight clacked open, revealing the Sundream Stone’s empty tablet. Five empty petal shaped slots and an indentation for Sunny’s face.

“If we stop fighting and just help each other, I’ll not only let everyone go but I’ll cut you in on the plan.”

Daisy stared at Sunny’s tablet. “And just what are you planning?”

“Simple,” Wart said. “The whole world gets a front row seat to our special concert. I got a magical song cooked up. Anyone who hears it becomes an instant fan. It’s downright hypnotic, if you catch my drift.”

Daisy remembered Mouser’s dancing spell, and how the dreamnapped victims could not wake up.

“You’re going to brainwash people into liking you?”

“Oh, nothing that extreme,” he said, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. “I’m just going to use the power of dreams and a pinch of subspace to tweak a few things. Tip the scales in our favor, y’know? That’s all.”

Daisy slapped his hand away. “THIS is your plan? You’re going to mind control the whole planet so people pay attention to you? You’re pathetic.”

Wart fell into an uncharacteristic silence. His lips twisted in hurt, and he turned away.

“Not all of us were born with the charm, or the talent, or the luck to make our dreams come true,” he said. “Some of us have spent our whole lives trying and failing because the whole system is rigged. If the only way I can win is by rewriting a few million brains, then so be it. I’ll take over Subcon and wrest control of all dreams from the Stars if that’s what it takes to make mine come true!”

She shook her head. “What gives you the right to control dreams? You think you’re better than the stars?”

He faced her again, his face grit with determination. “I know I’m better and I can prove it by winning,” he said. “Could anyone but the best actually pull this off? Why should anyone less rule over all dreams? I won’t settle for less! If the Stars don’t care, then neither do I! I’ll be my own star!”

Daisy stared at this goofy, angry frog man and was unsettled by how much of herself she saw in him. She remembered a sleepless night in the orphanage years and years ago when her anger at the tragedy of her life took hold of her. She raged without the words to explain it and carried that anger with her even after mother took her from that place. On the field, that feeling drove her to win. She had to. She could not settle for less. But looking at Wart, Daisy realized that emotion she carried was not anger. It was fear. The fear of being a tiny worthless speck beneath the notice of anyone.

Her clenched fists went slack. She wanted to hang onto her anger, but it was evaporating. She felt a sick respect for what Wart was doing. What was she even doing here? She was no hero. It was only a few hours ago that she helped shove Mario into quicksand to get what she wanted. The difference between her and Wart was a matter of scale.

“I…” Daisy hated herself for actually considering this. “You want me to join you?”

Wart’s face softened. He was taken off-guard. Perhaps he was so worked up he had not expected to sway her at all.

“…The offer is on the table,” he said.

“You attacked my kingdom,” she reminded herself. “Why would I side with you?”

“Think of it as a growing pain.” His voice lowered to a soothing caress. “Would you really miss your little kingdom and all its problems if you could have something bigger? Something better? If you got the attention you wanted on YOUR terms, not THEIRS?”

Daisy looked out into the audience. Her people were bound and gagged. Docile. The people of Sarasaland were fickle. They followed their greatest champion and if that champion ever faltered they would be forgotten. There was never any time to rest. In this moment her people had no choice but to watch her, and she let herself wonder what it would be like if things were always like this.

“It would be nice to have another band member again,” Wart said. “…We used to have another person. Birdo of the birdo tribe. I think you’ve met her? She might be going by Birdetta or Cathy or Ostro now? Not sure what she settled on. She was still figuring herself out at the time. You’d know better than I would.”

“It’s um… fluid.” Daisy knew Birdo from tennis, golf and kart racing. She was a big personality but not a regular. 

“That sounds like her!” Wart said, growing cordial again. “Yeah, she did the female vocals for us during the first couple Subcon invasions but bailed on us to focus on acting. I hear she does musicals too now, which leaves me a little salty. …It’s fine, I’ll be happy for her. Especially when I think I’m looking at a better candidate anyway.”

“I’m not a singer,” Daisy said.

“You think talent matters in this industry?!” Wart said. “It’s all about IMAGE, baby. We can fix the actual music in post with dream magic, who cares. What matters to me is I look at you and I see TENACITY. A woman who will stop at nothing to get what she wants. The 8-bits could use someone like you. What’d ya say?”

The proposal lingered in the air. Daisy could not argue with what Wart was doing without feeling like a hypocrite. What stopped her was the sense that agreeing was a sort of losing. The difference between them was the same as a team uniform. Daisy had her team, and he had his. And she played to win. Was that enough? What did winning even mean anymore?

“I’ll let them all go,” Wart said. “The Sarasalanders, the New Donkers, the yoshis, everyone. That purple guy can tag along with us too, if he wants.”

Did Wart know Waluigi was the one holding the dream gems? If she went through with this, would she have to sell HIM on the idea? What would he even think about any of this? It troubled Daisy that she had no idea what would happen if their roles were reversed.

“Oh and uh…” Wart said. “That sprixie. What’s-her-face. Wendy? Yeah. Obviously she gets to go free too.”

“Wanda,” Daisy said.

Wanda would never say yes to this. Wanda was simple and pure and dumb and all she cared about was doing the right thing. She wouldn’t worry about her own interest. She would refuse this stupid deal outright because of what would happen to other people. She was the only person on Team Daisy who would act like a hero in this situation. And being heroes is what they set out to do.

“No,” Daisy said.

Wart raised an eyebrow. “Pardon?”

“You can take this deal and choke on it, Wart. I’m not helping you!”

“Okay, not sure what just happened here, maybe you should slow down.”

Daisy put up her dukes. “Maybe YOU should slow down and I should PUNCH you to death. Let’s go!”

She gave him her best right hook. Her fist bounced off his personal force field and she was knocked off her feet.

“Alright,” Wart said. “I can tell you’re having trouble deciding and emotions are running a little hot. Maybe take a breather. How about you go talk it over with your boyfriend and get back with me?”

“Waluigi is not my boyfriend!”

“Oh yeah?” he said. “My mistake. Anyway toots, this gravy train is about to pull out of the station. If you don’t want on, that’s fine. I still got plan B. You want to talk sense, you see me on-stage before the show starts, yeah? Cool. Good talk. Ciao.”

Wart snapped his fingers and Daisy was engulfed in a whirlwind of darkness.

Chapter Text

Daisy popped back into existence just in time to see a fireball hurtling toward her. She dove out of the way and from her new vantage point on the floor spotted Waluigi dash past her. 

“Where have you been?!” he said as hopped around a volley of fireballs, “I was starting to think you were going to make me handle this on my own!”

Daisy pulled herself to her feet, her head still wobbly from the teleport. “Handle WHAT on your own?”

An ear-splitting roar shook the castle walls. Daisy looked down the corridor to see a giant lion wearing an ornate head dress standing guard. It sprayed flames from its snarling maw and tensed its body, ready to pounce. 

“King Totomesu?!” Daisy recognized him immediately. “What are YOU doing here?! You’re supposed to be comatose on my throne room floor!”

“That is only my body,” he growled. “I am Dreamy Totomesu, the truth of my innermost heart made manifest by the mental refractions of this world of dreams and wishes!”

“Okay cool, that makes sense,” Daisy said. “You want to help us take down Wart? We’re down a side-kick right now and you’d be useful.”

Totomesu hissed. “I WILL DO NO SUCH THING! Master Wart has tasked me with guarding this chamber and I will not shame myself by forsaking my duty!”

“He was trying to kill me before you showed up!” Waluigi said.

“Yeah, I was getting a homicidal vibe but I wasn’t sure if that was just me,” Daisy said. “Yo! Toto! Since when do you take orders from Wart? You know that I’M your princess, right?!”

“I am a fan of the 8-bit celebrity music band,” Totomesu said. “No other loyalty matters.”

Well, this was new. It had to be the result of Wart’s magic. Daisy squinted and noticed a faint, smoky aura of black veiled Totomesu’s head.

“He’s under a spell,” Daisy said.

“Mind control?” Waluigi said. “That explains it. No one in their right mind would be a fan of the 8-bits.”

“No! I adore the 8-bits,” Totomesu said. “They are a good band! They make music… which I also believe to be good?”

“Yeah, no. This is definitely magic,” Daisy said. “Wart must be brainwashing his dreamnapped victims into becoming his fans.”

“SILENCE!” Totomesu snarled. “None may question my fandom, least of all you, whelp!”

“If you’re a real fan then PROVE IT!” Daisy said. “What’s your favorite song by the 8-bits?”

Totomesu furrowed his brow, unprepared for this gatekeeping. 

“Th…their newest one,” he said finally. “Yes! It is their best yet.”

“Yeah?” Waluigi said. “So, what do you like best about their music?”

Totomesu looked away. The strained look on his face grew deeper, appearing to verge on a crisis of faith. He stared into space, trying to think of any answer at all.

“Uhh…” he stammered. “Um…”

“Quick,” Waluigi whispered. “While he’s distracted!”

The two of them slipped by while King Totomesu sat there trying his best to come up with an answer. They pushed open the double doors to the next room and escaped. They raced down a sprawl of corridors until they came to an intersection and Waluigi hesitated.

“Do you know where we’re going?” Daisy said.

“Wehh, sort of,” Waluigi said. “I’m looking for the key to the dungeon. Wanda is locked up with the other sprixies and I want to get her out.”

“Wait. Wanda is here? But she got zapped back at my place!”

“Alright,” he said, annoyed, “If you want to get pedantic, I’m talking about Dreamy Wanda. Wart has it rigged so his victims can’t wake up. I’m guessing he traps people here to siphon off their dream power or else to brainwash them like your pet cat back there. I’d rather neither happen to her.”

“Aw!” Daisy said. “I didn’t know you cared so much about Wanda! That’s cute.”

The sneer on Waluigi’s face failed to hide his blush. “Shut up. This is a tactical rescue. Wart will have less power if we get the hostages out. That’s all!”

It was nice to know Waluigi cared even if he was too ashamed to admit it. He was such an edge lord. Daisy could tell there was a nice guy buried under that persona and she would bet money he hated that fact. She made a note to tease him about it later.

“Where’d you go anyway?” he said as they rounded a corner. “I had to crash your plane by myself, which sucked by the way. Was starting to suspect I’d get to take all the credit. You going to tell me what happened or what?”

Daisy hesitated. Her conversation with Wart did not sit well in her mind. How much should she share? She could not admit to being tempted, unless Waluigi thought they should take the deal. But that would derail everything. They came here to be heroes. Agreeing to help the bad guy was the same as losing. There was no way Waluigi would side with a scumbag who brainwashed people, was there? What if he did? If he rejected the deal it would be like he made the decision for her and she did not know how to feel about that.

“…Um.” Daisy looked around for anything else to talk about. “Hey, uh, do you think the key we’re looking for is in there?”

They slowed to a halt in front of the entrance to a large vault chamber. Outside were ornate gold statues of Wart and his band members striking teen heartthrob poses. A giant, tacky, neon sign hung over the doorway flashing the words ‘TROPHY ROOM’ in a rainbow of colors.

“Worth a look,” Waluigi said.

Inside was a plush lounge area. Dozens of display cases sat empty and expectant, with plaques that said things like ‘First Published Album,’ ‘First Recording Contract,’ ‘First Industry Award,’ and a small cage for their ‘First Voluntary Fan.’ Above the cases, red and white phanto masks lined the walls. They gave Daisy the creeps.

At the very back of the chamber, a bunch of shy guys were milling around aimlessly. A couple of them took notice of Daisy and Waluigi and ran towards them. Daisy got ready for a fight, but the minions stopped short to salute her.

“You must be our master!” they said. “Reporting for duty, master!”

“What?” Daisy said. “I’m not your—”

“At ease, soldier,” Waluigi said. “Report.”

“Uh, well I was created just a couple minutes ago, so I don’t got much to report on yet,” the shy guy said before turning to the other one. “How about you? Anything we can report?”

“Naw dude. Just hanging out and keepin’ it real until we get told our reason for existing. Can we hurry that up, by the way? I’m trying not to grapple with the existential horror of consciousness here.”

“I’m sorry,” Daisy said, not sure she was hearing this right. “Did you say you were created?”

“Yeah,” the first shy guy said and pointed at a machine in the corner of the room. “We popped out of that thing.”

Beyond the group of minions was a large contraption with a control console and three large trumpet bells on top. The machine was spitting out shy guys and tweeters at a slow but steady pace. Daisy shoved her way through the crowd to get a better look. The plaque said ‘The Dream Machine.’

“This looks important,” she said.

“Does this mean our creator has no idea what’s going on either?” the second shy guy said. “Oh man. Not sure how I feel about that.”

The top of the console controls had a big dial that was currently set to ‘Create Minions,’ with a few other options including ‘Create Vegetables,’ ‘Good Dreams,’ and ‘Control Weather.’ Daisy opted to turn the thing off. It spat out one last shy guy before the gentle hum of the device slowed to a silent halt. The pool of shy guys watched her and Waluigi with rapt attention.

“So, uh,” Waluigi said. “Any of you bozos see a key lying around here?”

The shy guys, frantic to be the first to answer, fought to point out a particular display. It was a glass case on a pedestal with a giant yellow key inside. A helpful sign announced this was the ‘Magic Key for Subcon Dungeon.’

“Perfect!” Daisy said. “Let’s grab it and run.”

“Wait!” Waluigi said.

Daisy had already punched through the case, shattered the glass, and snatched the key before her brain could process Waluigi’s request.

“Huh?” She said, holding the massive key over her head. “Why?”

The room rumbled. The masks on the walls shook before bursting free of their hangings. They hissed through the air, trailing shadows, and circling with their empty black eyes fixed on Daisy. Waluigi waved an arm at them in frustration.

“THAT’S why!”

“Oh. Oops.”

The masks screamed towards Daisy. She ducked and dodged, but they were coming from every direction. She weaved out of the way as the masks swooped like hawks, giving her no room to breathe.

“Protect your creators!” Waluigi shouted.

The shy guys cheered and threw themselves at the masks, jumping into the air to block the barrage with their bodies.

“Hey, that’s handy!” Daisy said. “I could get used to that.”

“Shut up and run!” Waluigi said.

The minions bought them enough time to make a break for the door, but the masks burst through stone walls like cannon balls before they made it halfway down the hall. Daisy glanced behind her as she ran down the corridors and tried not to freak out as a half-dozen of those cursed things were gaining on her. 

“AHHHHH!!” Daisy said when she saw them coming from the front as well.

“The key!” Waluigi said. “Pass it to me!”

Daisy twisted to huck the key his way and he leapt to receive it like a linebacker. The masks stopped in midair and spun to face him instead. She smiled. So that was how it worked. It was a game of keep-away now. And they were good at games.

Waluigi darted ahead until the masks surrounded and cornered him. She kept herself open and he tossed the key her way. They ran past King Totomesu, who took notice.

“I like the notes in their songs!” he said. “They are high-quality notes!”

“Okay cool thanks,” Daisy said.

The two raced down the length of the palace, tossing the key back and forth to keep the swarm of idiot masks guessing until they found themselves back in the dungeon. Sprixies peered through the bars of their cages to watch as the two of them worked their way to the center of the prison block.

“Where do we use this thing?!” Daisy said, dodge rolling under the onslaught of masks.

“There!” Waluigi pointed.

A massive, oversized padlock sat looped through a set of bars connecting the cells on either side of the room. Daisy charged to clear the distance, shadows of the masks gathering right on top of her, and slam-dunked the key right in the lock and twisted it.

The lock popped open, and then the key and the padlock burst apart into points and every cell door in the dungeon flung itself open all at once. The masks came to a halt in midair, scanned back and forth to look for a key that was no longer there, and then flew away.

Hundreds of sprixies in dorky bowl cuts and red pajamas poured out of the cells, dancing and cheering in celebration. A human waddled out among them. He was a stubby short guy in red cape and a crown, with blond curly hair and a bushy mustache.

“What’re you?” Daisy said. “The King of the Dream World or somethin’?”

“Oh yes,” he mumbled. “Hm. Yes. That’s right.”

“Neat,” she said. “Good for you.”

The sprixies crowded around Daisy to celebrate, forcing her to shove her way through the party of dorks to find the only sprixie she cared about.

“Wanda!” Daisy said as her friend zipped toward them. She gave the little nerd a hug. “You’re okay!”

“Yeah, thanks to you guys!” Wanda said.

“Good. We’ve got the whole team back together,” Waluigi said. “Now let’s go finish what we started and stop Wart once and for all.”

“It would appear you have learned nothing.”

The merriment of the sprixies went quiet. Everyone turned to look as Commander Reverie stepped toward them.

“Enough is enough,” he said. “You will not make the same mistake twice.”

Chapter Text

Commander Reverie stood in his fancy purple suit and scowled through his sunglasses at his son. Waluigi stepped forward to meet his glare with his own.

“You got somethin’ to say, old man?”

Reverie kept a regal composure.

“I do. When the three of you did not return, I feared the worst. I understand from Wanda that you barely escaped from the abyss of Subspace. You cannot hope to be so lucky a second time. I know what Wart is capable of better than anyone, and it is clear to me you are not equipped to defeat him.”

“It’ll be different this time!” Daisy said. “We have the dream gems! We can win!”

“All the more reason not to squander our chance,” Reverie said. “We ought to evacuate and rally what support we can.  If we call on one of the Star Children to help us, perhaps there is hope we can save the Dream World from calamity.”

“You don’t think we can do this, is that it?” Waluigi said. “I go out of my way to personally bail you out of prison and still you’d rather beg Mario for help than trust your own son to handle it! Typical.”

Reverie adjusted his sunglasses. “I am not enough of a fool to put my faith in a blustering egotist who puts himself above the will of the Stars.”

“If the stars cared about us do you think any of this could have happened?!” Waluigi said. “You think me selfish for choosing to believe in myself instead? Perhaps I would be willing to have faith in the Stars if someone were willing to have faith in me. I’m not going to waste my time wishing for someone to make my dreams come true if I can get off my knees and make it happen myself!”

Daisy stood helpless on the sidelines with the sprixies and the king, a spectator of this family argument. The drama might normally excite her, but the bitter lines of anger etched in the faces of these two men was painful to see. She could do nothing. There was no antidote for the venomous words she was hearing.

“Pathetic,” Reverie said. “All this time spent out there in the waking world and STILL you refuse to accept your limits. If I have any reason to doubt the Stars it is because they chose to test me with such an impudent child. Had I an ounce of the gall you possess I would wish that you never existed at all!”

Waluigi tried not to react to the words. His sneer held, but Daisy was watching close enough to see it buckle. Under that poker face he was hurt. It was too much for Daisy to bear. She threw herself into the argument.

“What the heck is your problem?!” she said. “Your son is trying to do something good here and this is how you talk to him!? How dare you!”

Reverie’s glare softened as it turned on Daisy. “I counsel only common sense, princess. If the two of you challenge Wart again, you will doom not only yourselves but everyone else here!” 

“You think you get a say in this?!” Daisy said. “Were you the one who gathered the dream gems? No! It was YOUR SON and HIS FRIENDS who did that. And we’ll do what we want with them! And if you don’t like it then you can go pray to the Stars or whatever it is you do! You got that?!”

The two men fell silent. Waluigi’s mouth hung open, a touched yet confused look in his eyes. Reverie stared in stone silence, his body rigid as a volcano on the brink of eruption. His sunglasses failed to mask the fury in his face. He conjured whatever restraint he had left and turned away.

“You leave me no choice,” he said. “Fine. Go then! I will help the others escape. And if nothing else I will take your advice and pray you are saved from your hubris.”

“COOL!” Daisy said, angrier than she planned. “AWESOME! Sounds like a plan!”

She grabbed Waluigi by the hand. “C’mon. Let’s go. It’s time we finished this. Wanda!! You too!”

“O-okay!” Wanda offered an awkward smile to the other sprixies and fluttered their way. “Coming!”

Daisy marched out of the dungeon, leading Waluigi by the arm. The door clicked shut behind them and all at once there was a moment to breathe.

“I…” It was odd to hear Waluigi stumble over his words. “Sorry you had to step in like that.”

“It’s fine.” Seeing a father like that made Daisy grateful she started off as an orphan. “I know it’s none of my business, but I couldn’t stand to see you treated like that. Y’know? No one deserves that, least of all you. ”

“…Thank you,” he said.

There was no trace of sarcasm in his voice. It was sad how genuine he sounded. Like a starving man grateful for a morsel of bread. Daisy let go of his arm to let him walk at his own pace. She looked at the lobby of the concert hall and then at her friends and took a deep breath.

“I know where the Sundream Stone tablet is,” she said. “Wart’s got it on stage with him. If we don’t stop him quick, he’s going to suck all the dreams out of my subjects and use it to brainwash the rest of the planet into becoming his fans.”

“That sounds bad!” Wanda said.

“Yeah, I gave it some thought and I’d like to avoid that happening,” Daisy said.

Waluigi pulled himself together and stroked his chin in thought.

“We’ll need a plan of attack,” he said. “If we can get the Sundream Stone all in one piece, we can wish him defeated or at least take away his powers and level the playing field.”

A wisp of dark appeared in the air in front of them. It expanded into a flat black rectangle the size of a movie screen. The screen flickered on to reveal Wart’s smiling face.

“Time’s up lovelies,” he said. “It’s SHOW TIME!”

Chapter Text

Tweeters, ninji, and snifits poured out of the hallways and air ducts to surround Waluigi, Daisy and Wanda. Wart’s giant face loomed over them all from his monitor.

“This is your last chance, Daisy dear,” he said. “You put any thought into my offer?”

One look at her team was all Daisy needed to feel certain.

“Cram it, Wart!” she said, “We’re not helping you!”

“Aw, Daze, boobala, you’re breakin’ my heart!” Wart said. “I thought AT LEAST you cared about what happens to your kingdom’s people, but I guess not?”

Black wisps of magic erupted all over the lobby as more creatures were teleported in. Nokobons, fighter flies, gaos, pionpi, tokotokos, kumos and chibibos all appeared, each of them swaying and unsteady under the influence of dark magic. King Totomesu roared into existence alongside the cloud king Biokinton and the giant seahorse king Dragonzamasu who swam through the air. A good chunk of Daisy’s subjects stared her down, looking ready to smash her face in.

“I really didn’t want to have to do this,” Wart yawned. “But if you don’t want to play for the winning team then I guess there’s no helping you. Anyway. To all my fans out there in the lobby, I want to thank you all SO much for showing up. Be sure to subscribe to my every command and SMASH these haters to show your support. Love ya!”

The monitor blipped out of existence. The army of dreamy, brainwashed fans lurched towards Daisy and Waluigi ready to brawl. Right behind them, Daisy’s three vassal kings reared back to attack.

“MOUSER IS MY FAVORITE!” Dragonzamasu shrieked as he spat fireballs through the air to kill. “HE’S SO COOL.”

“Yikes!” Wanda said.

Daisy, Wanda, and Waluigi scattered to avoid the attack only to wade into the mob of attacking fans. Waluigi elbowed and kicked Sarasaland civilians to keep them at bay. 

“HEY!” Daisy shouted, “Quit bruising my subjects!”

“What do ya want me to do?! Ask them politely to stop?!” Waluigi said as he tossed an exploding nokobon into a crowd of snifits. “You’re fighting them too!”

Daisy clotheslined her way through an entire row of chumps before choke slamming a ninji into a wall. “That’s different! I’m their princess!”

“Then tell them to stop!”

She rolled her eyes as she head butted a tokotoko unconscious. Fine. She might as well try.

“Yo! This is her royal majesty Daisy speaking! I’m issuing an executive order for ya’ll to knock this off!”

“NEVER!” Totomesu said. “If you aren’t a fan of the 8-bits, then peace was never an option!”

“Yeah!” Biokinton said while tossing his pet chickens around to attack. “Don’t even talk to me unless it’s about Wart!”

Wanda yelped as she fluttered over the fight, dodging projectiles and poultry, and mostly looking anxious.

“We shouldn’t be fighting!” she said. “It’s not their fault they got brain tricked!”

Daisy thought it might be a LITTLE BIT their fault. But she refrained from mentioning the time a space alien mind controlled her whole kingdom since there being a precedent for this sort of thing happening probably did not reflect well on her as a leader.

“We can’t just sit here and take it!” Waluigi said.

“Can you fix them with magic or something?!” Daisy said.

Wanda zipped around to evade fireballs. “I’m only good at making blocks and whales! I can’t…” Her eyes lit up. “…Wait! That gives me an idea!”

A gao tried to pounce on Daisy from behind but she grabbed him out of the air to judo throw him into a row of fighter flies.

“Ideas are good!” she said, “What’s the idea?”

“Get these jerks to stop shooting fireballs at me and I’ll show you!”

Daisy and Waluigi looked over the crowd at the primary flame spitters, King Totomesu and Dragonzamasu.

“I call dibs on the seahorse! You take down the furball!” Waluigi said.

“Got it!”

They leapt onto the heads of the oncoming enemies and bounced across the rowdy mob to reach the bosses. Waluigi scooped up a few hapless enemies on the way and chucked them in Dragonzamasu’s face. The sea king hissed and lunged to bite Waluig’s head off, only to snap down on thin air and for Waluigi to climb up onto his back.

Totomesu took a swipe at Daisy but she managed to dodge behind him and nab him by the tail. She pulled the big cat off his feet and twisted on her heel with all her strength to swing him into the air, spinning a couple times like an Olympic weight thrower, before letting go and watching him howl across the length of the concert hall.

Waluigi held on as Dragonzamasu bucked wildly to throw him off with no success. Waluigi cackled as he steered the great beast straight through the now fleeing minions and jumping off right before slamming into a wall.

It was only a couple moments before Totomesu and Dragonzamasu shook off their blows and got back up to fight. But before they got the chance, Wanda clapped her hands together.

“Thanks!” she said, before splitting apart into dozens and dozens of duplicate Wandas.

“Oh yeah,” Daisy said. “I forgot she could do that.”

The Wandas whirled through the air and snatched Waluigi and Daisy off the ground, flying across the lobby faster than the brainwashed fans could follow. The flock of Wandas set the two of them down right outside the door to the auditorium and turned to face the oncoming horde. Each of the Wandas flew in a tight grid pattern, and each one summoned their own block which together formed a huge wall.

The minions and fans slammed into the wall and the blocks rattled. They pounded against the wall, trying to knock their way through. The Wandas let out a variety of little ‘Oh no!’s and ‘Eek!’s and pushed to brace the block wall with their tiny bodies.

“I’ll hold them off as long as I can!” One of the Wandas said. “You guys go stop Wart!”

Waluigi adjusted his cap and nodded. “You can count on us.”

“You’re the best, Wanda!” Daisy said.

The two of them turned and kicked in the door to the auditorium. Time to be heroes.

Chapter Text

The concert hall door burst open and Daisy charged in alongside Waluigi. She faltered when they saw what was happening on stage.

A massive, swirling orb of dream energy gathered over the outstretched arms of the sorcerer Wart. The remaining captives, chained to their seats in the auditorium, shrieked and gasped as they were drained of their vital energies. The whole band was on stage: Mouser on Keyboard, Clawgrip on bass, Tryclyde on drums, and Fryguy on electric guitar. Wart flashed a wide manic smile as he spotted the intruders.

“You think you can stop this?!” he said as he absorbed all the gathered power and flashed with the invincible rainbow power of the stars. “I’ve worked my whole life for this moment! You’re NOTHING!”

Daisy cracked her knuckles. No one talked to her like that. She scanned the room and spotted the Sundream Stone tablet seated right behind the band on stage.

“There!” Daisy whispered and pointed. “You still have the dream gems, right? I’ll keep ‘em busy and you put Sunny together.”

Waluigi’s brow arched in surprise. “Can you handle them all on your own?”

“Who do you think I am? I got this. Do YOU need help?”

“Don’t insult me,” he said.

She smiled at him. The two sprinted down different seating rows, past the wheezing and depleted hostages. Waluigi disappeared out of sight as Daisy ran straight at Wart and his bozo brigade.

“Hey idiots!” she said, “You know why I didn’t join you?! Your music sucks!”

“What’d you say?!” Wart said.

“I’d rather listen to the top 40 than any of the dreck you put out!”

Wart crackled with black lightning as he levitated into the air, his eyes bulging in rage as he let out a shriek that shook the whole castle.

“Kill her!”

All five of the 8-bits charged off stage into the audience to hunt her down, with Wart floating behind, engulfed in a pulsing sphere of power.

“Uh-oh,” she said.

She dove into the audience as Fryguy and Tryclyde let loose with a barrage of yet more fireballs.

“Real original, guys!” Daisy said, as she fumbled through the audience seating.

Clawgrip headed her off, ripping an empty seat up and hurling it at her.  Daisy ducked, let the chair sail over her head, and watched it collide with both Fryguy and Tryclyde to knock them out.

“Sorry mateys!”

“If you like pop, you’ll love this BANG!” Mouser yelled, as he lobbed a lit bomb at Daisy.

Daisy watched the bomb arc toward her and, minding its trajectory, leapt to kick it away. It shot through the air and burst right in Wart’s face. The smoke cleared to reveal Wart was not even scratched.

“Useless,” Wart laughed before snapping his fingers.

Globules of dark subspace erupted around Daisy, forcing her to clamber over the heads of the audience members to retreat. She glanced over her shoulder to see Waluigi on stage, slapping Sunny’s face back into place on the tablet. Good. She just needed to buy a little more time.

A flock of panicked Wandas came scrambling through the concert lobby doors like a whole cave’s worth of spooked bats. They fused back together high in the air just as the brainwashed fans came pouring into the room.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry! Couldn’t hold ‘em!”

Enemies were closing in on both sides now. Daisy looked up at a chandelier hanging over the seating.

“It’s fine! Gimme a boost!”

Wanda swooped as Daisy double jumped. She bounced off the Sprixie’s back and got just enough height to grab onto the chandelier. She climbed up the tinkling ornament as Wart spat bubbles that punched through the delicate ceiling fixture like bowling balls. Daisy swung the chandelier back and forth as broken glass sprayed over her head and leapt over the dark goop below.

On her way down, she noticed Waluigi was taking his sweet time socketing the dream gems via trial and error. The relic apparently wanted them in just the right order. She tucked into a roll as she hit the ground.

“Oh, what’s this?” Wart said. “Sneaky, sneaky.”

Wart teleported right in front of Waluigi and swatted him out of the way just before he seated the last dream gem. Waluigi fell onto his back and Wart spat a bubble right on his chest and subspace mire took hold of him.

“Guess what, losers!” Wart said. “The dream gems only protect you if you’ve got all of them! You fell right into my trap!”

Waluigi struggled to get free but was sinking. The final dream gem was still clutched in his hand and Sunny was beyond his reach. His eyes met with Daisy’s. She held her breath.

“Think fast!” he said.

Waluigi pitched the dream gem high. Daisy dashed to receive it and it fell right into her hands just as her friend disappeared into the black.

“Avast ye!” Clawgrip said as he sidestepped to block her path. “Hand it over!”

Daisy bounced the gemstone off Clawgrip’s face, and he collapsed to the floor.

“Yar… How did ye remember me only—”

She dashed ahead before he could finish, dodging bombs and bubbles, trying to get to Sunny, only for Wart to teleport right in her path. He flashed with power as he charged up a powerful attack.

“There’ll be no encore for the likes of you,” he said.

“Daisy!” Wanda said from above. “Look out!”

“Huh?” Wart said.

Wanda hovered above them and waved her wand over Wart’s head. A massive whale appeared out of thin air and Daisy stepped back as it fell right on top of Wart. He groaned in stunned surprise, crushed under rolls of blubber.

Daisy seized her chance. She jumped on stage and slammed the last dream gem right in its socket.

“You did it!” Wanda said and then exploded.

“Got her!” Mouser cheered while lighting his next bomb.

“Wanda!!” Daisy shouted.

Wart’s fans rushed the stage, tramping the sprixie. Before Daisy could do anything else, the Sundream Stone hummed to life. It burst with a sparkling energy that knocked back the charging brainwashed fans and engulfed Daisy in a warm light.

“Wowee!” Sunny said. “Thanks a bunch, you put me all back together! That’s nice.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know!” Daisy said. “Do something, quick! Destroy Wart! Take away his power! Something so we can win!”

Sunny looked uncertain.

“I don’t know if I can do that!”

“What’re you talking about?! Daisy said. “We need your power to beat him!”

“Well, um,” Sunny looked embarrassed. “My power is making dreams come true. I can’t help you stop Wart if that’s not your dream! That’d be silly!”

Daisy gaped. She glanced back to see the fans struggling to lift the whale off Wart. There was no way she could let things end like this. She had to think of something. 

“Double check your sensors! Stopping Wart is absolutely my dream right now!”

“Hmm. Nope! I’m back in tip-top shape thanks to you! Here, let me just peek into your heart and maybe I can figure this out.”

Sunny’s eyes turned white and projected a laser that scanned Daisy up and down.

“Ah! I see! So that’s your dream! You want to be a big star!”

“No!” She flailed her arms in frustration. “Are you an idiot?! I need to be a hero!”

“Well, that’s no good. It looks like your dreams and your wishes don’t line up! I can’t help you like that! It’d be too dangerous!”

“Are you kidding me?!”

“Maybe you should go meditate on what you really want for a few days? Practice some mindfulness. Come back when you’re at peace with what you want deep down.”

Wart let out a croaking laugh as he floated onto his feet. He turned toward Daisy with a smile.

“We’re out of time, you overgrown paperweight!” Daisy shouted. “Do something or we’re all doomed!”

“Well, okay.” Sunny said, crackling with dream energy. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you!”

The warm light shrank down and enveloped Daisy. Her vision blurred and images flashes in her mind of roaring crowds, television interviews, posters with her face on it, confetti, awards, piles of trophies, and mom’s eyes smiling with love. Daisy shook her head.

“No! That’s not what I want right now!”

“Don’t lie,” she heard herself say. “We both know why you’re here.” 

“I…”

“You don’t care about helping people. You just want to hang onto your crown.”

“That’s not true!” Daisy said, hearing the words ring false in her mouth. “Maybe that’s how it started, but it’s about more than that now!”

“Oh, please. You want to act selfless NOW?” Another Daisy took shape in silhouette. “Aren’t you tired of being nice? Don’t you want to stop pretending? Just be real about what you actually want.”

“Shut up!” Daisy shouted. “I’m not like that!”

The other Daisy clicked her tongue in disgust. “I think we’re done here. If you’re not going to follow your dreams, then I guess it’s up to me.”

The light burst apart and grew dark. It gathered in the other Daisy, who took shape and volume and grew until she was more than Daisy. Two bright red eyes opened; eyes Daisy recognized. The specter of her mother lived on in them. Everything mom taught her, all her confidence and strength, blossomed in this other more perfect princess. A body formed, a burning black shadow darker than subspace, taller and stronger than anything Daisy could hope to match.

“W-what’s going on?” Daisy said. “Who are you!?”

The figure lunged into a sucker punch, and Daisy slumped to her knees with a gasp.

“I’m the real you,” she said. “Dreamy Daisy.”

Wart and his minions moved to surround them. Daisy winced through her tears to look up at her doppelgänger.

“You think you’re the real me?” Daisy said. “And just what does that make ME?”

“A coward,” Dreamy Daisy said. “You’re offered the world on a silver platter and you back down because you think too small. You want to fight Hiyohoi over one measly crown when you could be the biggest star in the world? Give me a break.”

“Sunny!” Daisy groaned. “You made an evil version of me!”

“I did?” Sunny said. “Whoops!”

Wart bellowed with laughter as he levitated onto the stage.

“I knew it!” he said. “What can I say? I ought to be a talent scout! This is perfect!”

Dreamy Daisy smirked. “That offer still on the table, big boy?”

“For you? Absolutely!” Wart turned to look down on the real Daisy with pity. “Not so sure we need the wrapper, though.”

Daisy rushed the imposter. She would not go down without a fight. She let loose with a flurry of punches and kicks, but this sideshow carnival mirror matched every blow with her own, only the fake hit even harder. Daisy was forced back, one step at a time, until she fell backwards off stage into an inky mire of subspace goop.

“No!” she shouted as she struggled to pull herself free.

“End of the line, princess,” Wart said. “But thanks for doing the hard part for me.”

Wart reached out and touched Sunny with his slimy webbed fingers.

“Oh no!” Sunny said. “A bad guy! I better get rid of the dream gems!”

Dreamy Daisy stretched out her shadowy arms, wrapping them around Sunny tight like snakes and trapping the dream gems.

“Not this time!” she said. “Grant his wish!”

There was another flash of dream magic and power flowed into Wart. He lifted his hands and with one fabulous twirl, a hundred black monitors appeared in the air all around him, each showing a different angle just outside the concert hall. Wart flicked his hands like an orchestra conductor and dozens and dozens of dream portal split open, each one peering into somewhere in the waking world.

“Yes!” Wart said “Yessss!”

The skylines of kingdoms, every kingdom Daisy could name and more, appeared on the monitors. Jewelry Land, the Mushroom Kingdom, Lake Lamode, Yoshi’s Island, the Beanbean Kingdom, Nimbus Land, Monstro Town, Rainbow Road, the Pipe Maze, New Donk City, Port Prisma, Sarasaland, Bonneton, Diamond City, Flower Fields, DK Jungle, Rogueport, Decalburg, EVERYWHERE.

Dreamy Daisy let go. The dream gems shot through the air like frightened birds and vanished and took with them Daisy’s only hope of defeating Wart.

“Now if you’ll excuse us,” Wart said, as Daisy sank up to her neck in the goop, “We’ve got a show to put on.”

Daisy opened her mouth to yell only for her throat to fill with subspace.

Chapter Text

“Get up, you worthless disappointment.”

Daisy jolted awake, floating amid a shifting miasma of coal and pitch. It took all her strength to lift her head, feeling as if the world itself was pinning her still.

Mother looked down at her. The judgment in those bright red eyes was so familiar. It felt so real, but Daisy knew it was false. The Heart of Subspace wore her face like a mask. Daisy struggled to move but her body would not listen.

“Look at you,” it said in her voice. “All that work for nothing. But I can’t say I’m surprised. Once a failure, always a failure.”

“You’re not my mother,” Daisy said.

“Perhaps not in the literal sense,” it said. “But this face and these words come from you. They are as real as your memory of her. We merely reveal what you would rather keep buried.”

Daisy glared. She tried again to move but was too weak. It felt like the fight had been drained out of her.

“Oh yeah?” She choked out a laugh. “You think she’d call me worthless for trying to stop Wart?”

“Worse. YOU think that. You know she would hate you for losing. That after all that toil and effort you only wasted your time. Wasted HER time. You were given every opportunity and you only proved what you knew deep down from the start: You’re no hero, or any kind of star, not even a princess. You’re nothing. And this desperate show you put on to lie to yourself is pathetic.”

Daisy felt her courage slip. She held onto her last ounce of spite to meet her mother’s stare with hate. But the tears welled up behind that mask. A shudder of despair ran through her body and she went limp. It was true. She made it all the way to the finish line only to fumble. She touched the Sundream Stone and nothing she meant to accomplish mattered. Sunny looked inside her and said she was evil. That meant more than losing her crown. Sarasaland was doomed and now she was stuck in the deepest and darkest part of the Dream World while the world ended upstairs.

“It’s your fault,” mother said.

“I know,” Daisy said.

“You could’ve stopped this. You could have gotten help, but you were too prideful. Too vain.”

“I know,” Daisy said.

“They were counting on you: Wanda and Waluigi. Those two gave everything to give you that chance. And you wanted so bad to do it for them, didn’t you? Especially him.” It smiled. “Really, are you so sad and lonely that you were ready to settle for Waluigi of all people?”

Daisy felt a white-hot shame on her face. She tried to look away but could not. It was not fair that this thing could sift through her most embarrassing feelings.

“He’s not that bad,” she said.

“The man is a disgusting and deceitful clown. A glance and anyone can tell to stay away. But that’s why you like him. Because so are you. He’s just brave enough to be honest about what he is. But you? You pretend.”

“Shut up,” Daisy said.

“You’re so eager to play the part of princess. You’d do anything. Lie. Cheat. Steal. And you thought you could be a hero? Well. The show’s over. You’re just a mean, angry little orphan who got lucky.”

“Please,” she said, managing just enough strength to close her eyes. “Stop.”

“Let her go!”

“W—Waluigi?”

Daisy opened her eyes to see him drop through the dark clouds above and land with an awkward stumble. He stood astride the void and stabbed a finger through the air at the shade of her mother.

“You think being a mean, angry orphan is nothing?!” he said. “She’s a survivor! It takes brains and will to carve out a place in this world! I’m not going to listen to you bad mouth my friend like this!”

Daisy felt a pulse in her chest. The crushing gloom around her head parted. It was like she could breathe again.

The Heart of Subspace turned to regard Waluigi with a faint annoyance.

“How vexing,” it said. “You know this to be futile and yet you choose to continue”.”

“The game’s not over yet,” Waluigi said. “We’re not gonna to give up when we can still win this!”

The void boomed with laughter all around them.

“You have already lost. Your ‘friend’ has allowed our servant to touch the Sundream Stone. With his wish granted, Subspace will soon touch the waking mind of every creature in this world and at long last nightmares will run wild! No longer will we be chained to the world of dreams!”

“Sounds like a good con you got going,” Waluigi said. “You could even pull it off if you weren’t up against me and the princess.”

Daisy felt another pulse. A tingle ran through her stiff arms and she could move them again. Masks appeared all around in the miasma; their attention focused on Waluigi.

“You think yourselves champions? Behold!”

Images appeared in the rolling mists. Visions of Daisy touching the Sundream Stone and Dreamy Daisy siding with Wart. It was the last thing Daisy wanted Waluigi to see. He watched her humiliation in silence. The dream gems were scattered. She failed.

“Do you see what your princess has done? The evil in her heart serves me already. This is the truth of your so-called friend.”

“That’s a bunch of baloney!”                                      

Wanda burst through the illusions, trialing a shimmering rainbow of sparkles through the air. She puffed up her cheeks to glare at the Heart of Subspace, a tiny little light amid the black.

“Daisy may not be perfect, but she wants to do the right thing! We all make mistakes, you big meanie! She can do better if she keeps trying, I know it! She’s my friend and I believe in her! We can still do this!”   

“You are a fool. The Stars have already passed judgement on your princess and she is found wanting.”

Waluigi smirked at the cosmic horror. “You think I care what the Stars think? We don’t need their permission. We do what we want!”

A faint glow enveloped Daisy’s body as her friends spoke up for her. Strength flowed through her and more. She pulled herself free of her paralysis.

“Such delicious hubris!” the masks cackled. “You are the heralds of our calamity. Come! If you are so eager to die, then face me! Receive the wages of your courage!”

The masks swarmed through the air, too many to count. They dived and swooped faster than Waluigi or Wanda could dodge, pounding them back and forth across the floor of the void. The two of them cried out and struggled to fight back in the whirl of chaos.

“Stop it!” Daisy shouted. “Let go of them!”  

She charged at the illusion of her mother. She reared back and slammed her fist into the specter. The glow surrounding her body rippled down her arm and exploded out of her fist in a wave that blasted across subspace in an enormous beam of rainbow light. The masks burned and evaporated and all at once the black void turned white.

The shade of her mother crumbled. A wisp of something escaped from the ash. Daisy’s ears rang and her vision blurred. She blinked and saw herself in her old bedroom, crying.

 “…I can’t do this, so why should I bother?! You should’ve left me to rot in that orphanage and found someone better! Someone who can actually do what you want! Someone perfect!”

A vision of mother stepped close to wipe away her tears.

“Perhaps I could have,” she said. “But I am not in the habit of making mistakes. Had I chosen, I could’ve stolen one of the Star Children to raise instead. But I did not. I made my choice, and I chose you.”

Daisy held her breath along with the phantom of her younger self.

“No doubt you will struggle against them,” mother said. “You will train twice or three times as hard as them just to keep up. But you’ll do it, won’t you? And I think you will be a better princess for it. Failure is precious when we learn from it. A third-place trophy is still earned. Carry it with pride. I do not want perfection. I want you to rise to the challenge. I want you to be the best princess you can be.”

Merlana offered the dented trophy to her daughter. Daisy stepped toward the scene, reaching out. The world blinked and they vanished. It was only a memory.

“Wha—” Daisy stammered, reeling from everything. “What just happened?”

“Oof,” Wanda groaned. She sat up on the floor, looking ruffled. “I’m not sure. It looks like you shot a big laser at the bad guy!”

“No! Not that, I’m talking about the—” She stopped. “Actually, what was that about? How and why did I shoot that giant rainbow laser?”

 “It looked like dream magic!” Wanda said. “…I think, since we’re in the dream world, our faith in you manifested as power!”

A bruised Waluigi chuckled, flat on his back on the ground nearby.

“Figures something schmaltzy like that would work here,” he said.

Daisy helped her friends up. Wanda took back to the air after bending a wing tip back in the right direction and Waluigi started stretching.

“So, what now?” Daisy said. “We get Wanda to wake up so we can get out of here?”

“That’s not going to work,” Waluigi said. “We didn’t enter the Dream World through Wanda’s head. She’d wake up in Sarasaland without us.”

“Well, then at least SHE can be safe!”

“I’m not leaving without you guys!” she said. “We’re doing this together!”

The white void shifted. Stripes of black tendrils began to grow along the horizon, reclaiming its territory.

“I don’t like the look of that,” Daisy said. “Do I need to get more compliments so I can do that laser again?”

“I like how cute your hair looks today!” Wanda said. “It looks really nice!”

Daisy looked at her arms and did not see any sort of mystical glow.

“It’s not working!”

“I lied, I’m sorry!” Wanda said. “Your hair looks really messy right now! I just wanted to help!”

Subspace roared. The tendrils of dark silhouette raced across the ground towards them.

“Run!” Waluigi said.

The three of them tried to run from the oncoming tangle of shadows, but they were sprouting up from every direction and it was only a few minutes before they were encircled.

“What do we do?!” Daisy said.

“This way!” a voice shouted. “Over here!”

A red door with a white knocker appeared out of nowhere. It opened, and Commander Reverie waved for them to come through. The three of them dove through the door and the commander slammed the door shut before Subspace could reach through after them. The door vanished in a puff of smoke.

“It appears the three of you are unharmed,” the commander said. “For another few minutes, anyway.”

Chapter Text

“Now, for those of you who unfamiliar with me, I was born and raised in beautiful, scenic Tadpole Pond down South in the Mushroom Kingdom.”

The screen flickered and tracked Wart’s movement as he tugged on his microphone cord to walk across the concert stage.

“Lovely place this time of year. Strong culture of music there, did you know that? A lot of big names came out of Tadpole Pond. Toadofsky, the poet Simon, and the late Amadeus Wolfgeist, for instance. I couldn’t help but be enamored by all that history. I knew in my soul, before I even had legs, that I was hatched to follow in their footsteps. That’s why, despite a debilitating vegetable allergy, I decided to leave home and chase my dreams. I scouted out a few other small-town souls with big dreams and put together the 8-bits. What is the 8-bits, you might be wondering? Why, it’s the only music group you’ll need for the rest of your life!”

Commander Reverie sighed at the monitor.

“He’s been monologuing like this for the past twenty minutes,” he said. “It stands to reason that he will, at some point, stop. And then the entire world will be brainwashed.”

“For those of you just tuning in, you’re probably wondering why a television screen made of nightmares appeared in your house or whatever. Hi! I’m Mamu Wart, producer and lead singer for a band so hot you won’t believe your ears. I’ve rigged these monitors to stalk you wherever you go because you’re not going to want to miss the show we’re about to put on. Isn’t that right folks?”

The mind controlled live studio audience roared with cheers and applause. Wart soaked up the adulation, bowing a few times and blowing kisses before gesturing for quiet.

“Ugh,” Daisy said. “I wish we could turn this thing off.”

Waluigi paced through the trophy room.

“We need to think of a plan and quick,” Waluigi said.

Commander Reverie stood at the controls of the hulking Dream Machine looking worried. He had managed to open a portal from Subspace into this secluded corner of the Subcon palace using the Dream Machine. It was just Daisy, Wanda, Waluigi, the commander, and a smattering of the braver Subcon sprixies.

“We can use the Dream Machine to create a door to anywhere in the waking world,” the commander said. “But there is nowhere safe to go. As far as I can tell, Wart is broadcasting EVERYWHERE. Now that the dream gems are scattered, I fear not even the Stars can save us.”

“No one asked you, old man!” Waluigi said. “Just leave the planet if you aren’t going to help us win this!”

“Be nice,” Wanda said. “Your dad saved us from Subspace! That counts for something.”

Daisy watched the monitor as Wart introduced his band mates one by one to the audience. She folded her arms as Dreamy Daisy mugged for the camera.

“Hi! I’m Dreamy Daisy! That’s Deedee for short. I’m your new super pop star Goddess and I’d like to send my love out to all my simps and stans and admirers watching. Be sure to follow me on social media now while you still have free will in the matter. I look forward to your unconditional worship!”

“I don’t sound like that, do I?” Daisy said. “What is she even supposed to be? My soul? What does that make ME?”

“An empty vessel,” Reverie said. “A husk with no heart.”

“Okay, that’s rude,” Daisy said.

“Alright, well it would be more accurate to say that she is your heart. An amalgamation of your passion and unconscious wishes. What is left after that is the will and your rational mind.”

That might explain why Daisy felt like garbage. Normally she could always summon the will and drive to tackle any problem. Now she felt tired. Tired and empty. She knew how dire and important things were right now, but it took so much more effort to push herself to focus and act. It sucked.

“It sounds like it shouldn’t even be possible for us to be separated like this,” Daisy said.

“Wishes are the most powerful force in the universes,” Wanda said. “They can bend the rules of reality. That’s why the Stars are so careful about who gets to have wishes granted and why the Sundream Stone is so dangerous.”

And now Wart was wielding that power. They would need something even stronger to beat him.

“…That laser thing I did in Subspace,” Daisy said. “…Is there any way we can use that on Wart?”

Waluigi came to a halt.

“Sort of,” he said. “We’re in the Dream World, so it’s possible for people to send you their dream power if their hearts are cheering for you. But Wart is wielding a wish. Even if every person in this room put all their faith into one person, I don’t think it would be enough to punch through his defenses.”

Daisy turned to the monitor and watched Wart chew the scenery in front of the entire global population.

“We’ve got a live broadcast to the biggest audience in history,” she said.

The commander almost dropped his glasses. “You’re right! If we can turn the audience against Wart and have them root for another person, that could generate enough dream power to counteract his wish!”

“Then it’s a plan!” Waluigi said. “Let’s get on stage and give them a show!”

Daisy grabbed his shoulder to stop him before he reached the door.

“No,” she said.

“What do you mean, no?”

She swallowed. This was hard for her to admit but it was the truth and he needed to hear it.

“We can’t be the ones to do this. We’re a couple of nobodies. People are not going to get excited to see US. Odds are Wart will beat us before we rally anyone to cheer us on. We need a hero people already believe in. We need Mario.”

Waluigi knocked her hand away. “Are you JOKING? After everything we’ve done, you want to go begging for his help NOW? We are SO CLOSE Daisy, we can pull this off! We can be heroes just like we planned!”

“No! No we can’t! We can’t keep doing this, Waluigi! There’s way too much on the line! If we mess up again, everyone suffers! We have to bet on Mario right now! It’s the only surefire thing we’ve got!”

“What about your crown?!” he said. “You can’t just give up! You can win this, I know you can. If anyone can, it’s YOU.”

His eyes were heartbroken. He believed so much in her it hurt. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. Even if it meant giving up first place, this was the right thing to do.

“Maybe I’m just a soulless brain right now, but I see now Subspace was right about one thing. …I’ve been selfish. I need to put my ego aside and do what’s right for everyone.”

“So the Stars are right after all, is that it?” He was angry now. “Mario is the answer to everything? And we don’t matter?!”

“It’s not about the Stars!” she said, thrusting a finger at the image of Deedee on the monitor. “THAT thing is MY FAULT. I need to fix this.” She let her eyes drop. “And I need your help. Please.”

Waluigi stared in miserable silence at Daisy. A tremble ran up the sharp angles of his sweet face. He looked away.

“Fine,” he said, before turning to his father. “Think you can find Mario with that thing, Pops?”

The commander was taken off guard. “I… yes. If we have a general idea of where Mario could be, I can use the Dream Machine to pinpoint his location and open a doorway.”

“Good,” Waluigi said. He gave Daisy an expectant look. “Call Peach and find out where that idiot is right now.”

Daisy smiled. “Waluigi… thank you.”

“Are we doing this or not!?” he said. “If I’m not getting any credit for this, I want it done with quick! C’mon! Let’s hustle!”

Chapter Text

Peach’s laugh was nervous over the speakerphone “You want to know where Mario is AGAIN? Daisy, dear, I really am starting to suspect you are up to something!”

“Can you get your head out of the gutter for one minute?!” Daisy snapped. “This is about saving the world! Don’t you see those evil black monitors everywhere?”

“Oh, I was WONDERING about that!” Peach said. “I was very surprised to see Wart again after all these years. Did I ever tell you about the time I helped defeat him to save Subcon?”

“No, but if you want to come do that again it would be a big help right now!”

“Oh, I don’t think that’s necessary. I have to assume Mario has a handle on this already.”

Daisy was losing her patience. “Only if you tell us where to find him!”

“There’s no need to yell, just give me a moment.” The phone picked up her tapping through the app. “Looks like he’s near Pi’illo Island castle?”

“Cool, bye.” Daisy hung up and turned toward Reverie. “Did you get that?”

The commander was already cranking the dials on the Dream machine. “I’ve set the coordinates. Observe.”

A rainbow-rimmed monitor poofed into the air showing a bird’s eye view of the island. With a bit more knob fiddling the screen zoomed and panned to show a battle happening in the courtyard of the castle. Mario was having a throwdown with waves of ninji, snifits, and pidgets.

“There!” Waluigi said. “Open the portal!”

Reverie pulled a lever and the Dream Machine spat out a flask of red bubbling potion. It smashed against the ground and a warp door appeared out of the fumes with a FWUMM.

Daisy barged through the door and stepped into the middle of a fight in the waking world. Mario was outnumbered a hundred to one as Wart’s minions came at him from every direction. Mario cartwheeled through the air over swooping pidgets and beezos and pinballed off the head of every chump who got within stomping range.   

Dreambert, who was standing on the sidelines of the brawl, took notice of Daisy at once.

“You!” Dreambert said, “You lied to me! Mario is alive and Wart is about to conquer the world! How dare you show your face here again?!”

“Okay, we don’t have time to process the first thing you said right now because of the second thing,” Daisy said.  She whistled through her fingers to get Mario’s attention. “Yo! Mario!”

“Hm?” Mario glanced in her direction causing just enough of a distraction for him to get hit and dogpiled by minions.

“Way to go,” Waluigi said. “Now we have to go help him.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Daisy punched and kicked a path through the hoard to the flailing mound of snifits heaped on top of Mario. Waluigi helped her peel the minions away with the application of yet more violence to drag a stunned Mario out from under the pile. The two of them then thrashed enough of the leftover enemies to force them to scatter.

“Mama mia!” Mario said as he sat up. He looked at Daisy and Waluigi and his grateful smile slumped into a frown. “Ohh no!”

“Show a little gratitude for the assist,” Waluigi said.

“Hmph!” Mario said.

“He has every right to be mad at us!” Wanda said. “We did play some mean tricks and lie about him.”

“Can we not phrase it that way?” Daisy said. “We were rivals. I’d consider that stuff just good-natured competition.”

Mario glared at her with a righteous yet doofy fury. Daisy sighed.

“Alright. I admit I’ve been less than heroic in my pursuit of being a hero. And I’m sorry! I messed up! Things are worse now because of me and I— Ugh…”

The words stuck in Daisy’s throat. She knew she had to do this for the greater good, yadda yadda, but it was still hard to degrade herself like this in front of Mario of all people. She cringed and steeled herself to go through with it.  

“…I can’t do this on my own. I need your help. I’m in WAY over my head and I need a real hero to tap in – please. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?”

Mario’s big, piercing blue eyes peered into hers as if to pass judgment. After a long and breathless moment, just long enough to make Daisy worry, he smiled and nodded twice.

“Mhm!” he said.

“Wait!” Dreambert said. “You’re just going to trust these treacherous ruffians, just like that?!”

Mario provided a thumbs up.

Well, that was easy. Daisy wondered if she could have gotten away with being stingier with the sincerity, but it was too late to worry about that now.

Waluigi rolled his eyes. “Disgusting, isn’t it? Only a star child could afford to be so forgiving.”

“Can we not push our luck here, please?” Daisy said. “Mario. You came here to get to Subcon, right? We’ve got a door straight to Wart’s lair ready to go. You ready to save the world?”  

“Let’s-a-go!”

Chapter Text

Mario jogged through the magic door and appeared inside a great big auditorium jam packed with all sorts of people in need of rescuing. Down the aisle of rows and rows of seating was the concert stage where the evil sorcerer Wart and the 8-bits looked up at him.

“Oh ho ho!” Wart said, throwing out his arms and smiling wide. “There he is! I’ve been waiting for this! The main event!”

The audience gasped. Phanto masks circled around him in the air with cameras stuck to their faces.

“Mario?” the crowd muttered. “It’s Mario!” “What’s going on?” “Is Mario here to save us?” “Mario!”

Wart flicked a clawed and beringed hand in Mario’s direction. “It’s time you and I settled things once and for all! Live on stage for all the world to see! Let’s do this!”

Mario rushed through the audience, jumping three times to somersault through the air and land on the stage with a “ha-ha!” Wart, Mouser, Tryclyde, Fryguy, and Clawgrip were waiting for him, armed with their instruments alongside someone new. A shadowy princess called Deedee.

“You folks at home know Mario,” Wart said. “He’s been in the news a couple times. Was pretty popular back in the day, kind of passe now but he’s hanging on. Now, I don’t want to say his act aged badly, but he’s nothing compared to the new hotness!”

Wart rippled with the rainbow energy of dreams while an aura of dark burned around him like a forcefield. Mario felt himself being pushed back but stood his ground. He readied himself to fight.

“What’s this? You still think you can win?!”

Mario hopped twice, affirmative. There was no room for doubt. People were counting on him.

“Alright buddy, it’s your funeral!”

As Wart charged up a big magic attack, a chant rose amid the audience. Mario. Mario. Mario! Hundreds of black monitors overhead showing all the kingdoms of the world were roaring with cheers calling his name. A glow of dream power erupted from each of the monitors and flowed into Mario. Every part of him from the soles of shoes to the tip of his cap brimmed with the hopes and wishes of all the people watching. He felt an enormous gratitude from the bottom of his heart and thanked them silently. It was because of them he could do this. There was no way he could let them down.

“NO!” Deedee yelled, startling Wart. “STOP CHANTING HIS NAME!”

“Calm down!” Wart said. “I’ll handle this!”

Deedee swelled, her arms growing long and her dark face looming high until it eclipsed the stage lights. She snatched Wart off the ground and squeezed him in a clawed hand.

“You think I’m gonna let you upstage me?!” Her voice boomed through the stage speakers which rang shrill with audio feedback. “I’M the star here, not you!”

“What’re you talking about?!” he said. “We had a deal!”

She cackled like a haunted mansion. “I’m not playing second banana to some fat toad! I was waiting for this chance! It’s my time to shine!”

“No, wait!”

Deedee swallowed Wart whole. Her body bristled and expanded as she absorbed his power. A familiar power radiated off and swirled around her. It reminded Mario of the Shadow Palace beneath Rogueport and Count Bleck’s castle in the Realm of Darkness.  

The 8-bits gaped in horror and started to inch away in retreat. Black tendrils shot out across the stage to block their escape.

“Where do you think you’re going?!” she said. “You stay right there and play those instruments! My triumph will be celebrated!”

“Yipes! Whatever you say Deedee!” Fryguy said.

“Yar, I were just looking for me guitar pick,” Clawgrip said. “There it be!”

The 8-bits broke into an improvised heavy metal track fit for a boss fight.

“It’s time!” Deedee shrieked. “I’ll show the whole world I’m better than you! Prepare yourself!”

The palace shook and the spotlights turned blood red and purple. Deedee swung her arms to crush Mario and he darted around the stage, narrowly bounding out of the way. She slammed her arm down so hard her hand got caught in the hardwood. Mario ran up the length of her arm as she tugged to get free and pulled out his hammer. He reared back to strike, and light shined over his shoulder as dream power flowed into his weapon. He swung and his hammer landed with a sharp crack against Deedee’s face and sent her reeling back. Mario toppled backward and rolled onto the damaged stage.

“Is that all you got?!” she roared. “Try this on for size!”

She held her hands out and hundreds of phanto masks came screaming out of her palms and collided with Mario straight on. They knocked him back and forth across the stage until he took so much damage he shrunk.

He pulled himself onto his feet, feeling so much weaker even with the dream power pulsing through him. He had to keep going.

“Mario!”

Above on the catwalks over the stage, Mario spotted Princess Daisy waving at him. She tossed a fire flower at him like a baseball and just touching it brought him back up to 100% and then some. He bounced to his feet just in time to leap out of the way of Deedee’s claws.

“Just what I needed!” Mario said.

He chucked fireballs as fast as he could, each one shining bright and golden with hope. They plinked through Deedee’s shields, burning through her tendrils and girth until she swatted him away. Mario tumbled back across the stage, his fire power disappearing as quick as he got it.

“Mario! Mario! Mario!” the audience cheered.

“Shut up!” Deedee said before setting her sights back on Mario. “Think you can take a couple more of THESE?”

She charged up to summon another barrage of phantos. Mario scrambled to find cover, but he was stuck out in the open. Just before the blast fired, dozens of sprixies, a whole flock of Wandas, flew down from the catwalk and summoned a wall of blocks to protect Mario. The phantos smashed against the block wall and evaporated.

“Stop helping him!” Deedee said as she tried to smack the swarm of Wandas out of the air. “You think you can upstage me?! I’ll destroy you!”

The Wandas fled back into the rafters and Deedee reached up after them and ripped half the catwalk free from its suspension cables. Mario dodged as spotlights, debris, and sandbags fell around him.

“Wahhh!”

Mario looked up and saw Waluigi fall from the catwalk. The purple mischief maker caught hold of a dangling bit of guardrail still attached. Above him on the last bit of the catwalk still holding was Princess Daisy.

“Do you got it or not?!” Waluigi shouted.

“Here!” Daisy tossed a bubble containing a Super Star down to Waluigi. He caught it and looked Mario in the eye.

“Don’t screw this up!” He sneered and chucked it at Mario.

Deedee fired a laser from her mouth that cut through ceiling and the last of the catwalk. Waluigi fell and the audience screamed as rubble fell from above. The bubble hit Mario square in the forehead and the Super Star filled Mario with the invincible power of wishes, multiplying the power flowing through him.

“You can do it, Mario!” Mouser shouted over his keyboard playing. “Stop her!”

“Save our boss!” Tryclyde said. “Please!”

“Whose side are you on?!” Deedee bellowed and swept the 8-bits out of the way with her arm.

Knowing he only had a few seconds, Mario rushed straight at the towering Deedee. Daisy appeared from behind the stage curtain, and tossed a trampoline pad his way. He bounced off it, high enough to soar through the new hole in ceiling, and as he fell over the raging monstrosity, ground pounded like a meteor right on top of her head. The hopes and dreams of every person watching all over the world combined with the infinite star energy, flowed down through Mario’s butt to pierce through the shadowy demon like a bolt of divine lightning.  

“Urrrgggghh!”

Deedee howled in pain. She flailed, the darkness surrounding her popping and melting faster and faster until an unconscious Wart rolled out of her onto the floor and Deedee burst in a shower of light. Rainbow sparkles fell like snowflakes across the auditorium, and the audience erupted into uncontrolled cheers and applause.

Daisy and Wanda helped a battered Waluigi to his feet. She pointed and the three of them rushed over to where the last of Deedee’s dark magic was clearing. A tiny orb of orange light was left over.

“Alright you brat,” Daisy said as she grabbed it and stuffed it into her chest. “Get back where you belong!”

The orb fused into her body and vanished. Daisy belched and shook her head.

“Excuse me,” she said. “Oh, wow. I feel WAY better. Remind me not to lose my soul ever again.”

The crowd continued to cheer and chant. Mario held up his hands for them to wait, and then turned to gesture for the others to join him.

“This way!” Mario said.

Looking a little sheepish, Waluigi, Daisy and Wanda approached Mario at the front of the stage.

“Thank you so much!” he said.

The audience reacted with some confusion to the addition of these three. They offered up a smattering of polite claps and a solitary ‘woo!’ Waluigi rolled his eyes.

Overhead, the black shadow monitors slowly began to fade out of existence. Through the broken ceiling, Mario could see the rift portals outside close shut. The Dream World was returning to normal.

“Ugh, man,” Wart muttered as he pushed himself off the floor. “What happened?”

“Boss!” Mouser cried as he and the other 8-bits climbed back onto the stage. “You’re okay!”

“We were afeared you were done for!” Clawgrip said through tears.

Wart looked across the stage and made eye contact with Mario. With an expression of panic, he snapped his fingers in Mario’s direction. Then he did it a couple more times.

“It’s not working!” Wart said. “What happened to my subspace powers?!”

“Looks like they got obliterated!” Fryguy said.

“Oh,” Wart said. He peered back at Mario, Daisy, Waluigi, and Wanda in silence.

“Run away!” the frog said, bounding to flee stage left with his underlings scrambling after him.

Mario itched to chase after and catch those bad guys before they got away. Before running off, he smiled at his three friends and pulled them into a big hug.

“Ugh,” Waluigi said.

“Thanks Mario,” Wanda said. “Now we’re even.”

Mario did not need rescuing often, but he was glad to finally return the favor. He exchanged a tiny fist bump with his favorite sprixie and hopped off with a wave to kick those 8-bit troublemakers out of the Dream World once and for all.

Chapter Text

“Are you ready for this?” Waluigi asked.

Daisy stood outside the doors to the Sarasaland throne room with a knot in her stomach. A week had passed since the Dream World. Now the council meeting with her four vassal kings was about to take place and she felt ready to die. It was time for them to decide who would be princess.

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” she said. “Might as well get this over with.”

Waluigi blocked her hand as she reached for the door handle. Their hands touched and Daisy shivered.

“Even if you aren’t a princess,” he said. “You still know you’re something special, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” she said in her least convincing voice. “But I still like it. All the perks and feeling important. All that stuff.”

“I get it,” he said, sincerity in his eyes. “I just want you to know that, whatever happens in there, it’s okay.”

“Yeah, sure. I can just go crash with Wanda and live in the woods.”

“Or my place,” he said. “If you need, that is. If that’s okay. It’s okay with me at least. Whatever works for you. No pressure.”

“Well, that’d probably be safer than me being in a hundred-foot radius of Sunny.”

“Do what you want. If something happens, let Mario fix it.”

“Ugh,” she said. “Please. I don’t even want to THINK about that happening again.”

It was disgusting how quickly Mario managed to recover the dream gems all over again and put everything back where it belonged. If Daisy ever turned evil, no doubt he would put her in her place too in no time flat.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Waluigi said.

“Yeah? Well, they” she gestured at the throne room door, “probably won’t agree with you. Which is why I’m pretty sure I’m about to get demoted from princess to loser.”

He shook his head. “There’s nothing wrong with being a normal person.”

“Sure,” she said. “But it’s way more fun to be a big shot.”

“Obviously,” he said. “But even if you’re not royalty, remember you’re an AMAZING athlete. It doesn’t matter what game we’re playing. You always give me a run for my money. You don’t even have the stars helping you cheat.””

“You’re just saying that because I always win,” she said.

“You wish!” He laughed. “…Seriously, though. I can’t think of anyone who even compares. You have so much drive.”

“Enough for my heart to turn into a monster, it seems.” She looked at him, feeling guilty.

“Eh. Happens to the best of us,” he said.

“No, it doesn’t!” she said. “I’m sorry that happened. I can’t even imagine what you think of me now.”

“It’s fine, really,” he said. “I’m just glad I wasn’t the one to touch Sunny. We would’ve been in real trouble then. And it was interesting seeing that side of you. It was… kind of hot, actually—I mean, uh.” He scratched his nose to hide a blush. “Forget I said that part.”

Daisy smirked. If Deedee still existed inside her somewhere, she was pleased.

“The point is,” Waluigi said. “Whatever happens in there, you’re you and that’s enough.”

“Well,” Daisy said. “The same goes to you.”

He smiled softly; his brow arched. A moment of quiet fell between them.

“Alright,” Daisy said with a sigh. “I better go. Thanks for listening.”

“Good luck,” he said.

She entered the throne room. The meeting table was set up and her four vassal kings were waiting for her. She took her seat across from them.

“As discussed in our last meeting,” Dragonzamasu said. “It was brought to our attention that our current princess is tied with King Hiyohoi for most trophies won.”

“And other matters have come to light during the interim,” Totomesu said. “Namely, your role in the summoning of that massive shadowy demon that nearly took over the world.”

“Okay, well, you saw the part where I helped Mario stop it right?” Daisy said. “Right? The footage was still rolling during that part, I hope.”

“I can’t say from my own experience,” Totomesu said. “Seeing that you hurled my head against a wall and concussed me right before any of that happened.”

“Hey! In my defense, three of you were brain-controlled dream puppets at the time.”

“Be that as it may,” Dragonzamasu said. “Before voting on who will be named princess, we must consider the risk of allowing someone like you to reign.”

“But I’ve done fine up until now!” Daisy said.

Biokinton bobbed in the air. “Yeah. But the thing is, if your heart is dark and icky enough to turn into something like that, how do we know we can trust you?”

Daisy looked down. She knew this was coming. How could she argue after everything that happened? If the roles were reversed, she would vote against herself too. It felt hopeless.

Hiyohoi slammed a stone fist into the table, startling everyone.

“You chowderheads!” He said, “So what if her soul turned into a demon or whatever?! What’s wrong with that, huh?!”

“It’s scary!” Biokinton said.

“She could be dangerous,” Totomesu said.

“Yeah, dangerous for other people maybe!” Hiyohoi said. “If there’s a demon, I’d rather it be on our side, right? And besides! All the monster did was try to take over the world! That there takes guts.”

“I suppose,” Dragonzamasu said.

“Sarasaland is all about winning!” Hiyohoi said. “That’s our tradition, ain’t it? Daisy went off and beat that Wart guy at his own game. And before her soul monster did any real damage, she made sure to fix it! Best of both worlds if you ask me. I respect it.”

“Hiyohoi…” Daisy muttered in surprise. 

Totomesu grumbled. “You make a compelling argument.”

“Yeah? Then let’s settle it then. All in favor of keeping Daisy as princess say aye!”

The vote was unanimous. Daisy walked out of the council meeting with her crown still on her head. She walked out into the lobby to find Waluigi waiting for her.

“You’re still here?” she said.

“I—” He broke eye contact. “Yeah. Just in case you needed somebody.”

She smiled. “Thanks.” He was sweet when it counted.

“Looks like it went alright?” he said.

“Better than alright,” she said, still not quite believing it. “Although I guess this means I gotta keep working on reconstruction, what with the capital here still smashed to bits. But whatever. I’ve got my crown. I’m happy.”

Waluigi forced a smile. His eyes were tense. A poker face.  

“What, you got a problem?” she said. “You look disappointed. I thought you were rooting for me.”

“Wha? No!” He fumbled, nervous. “I mean yes. I’m happy for you. Honest!”

“…But?”

Waluigi broke eye contact, embarrassed.

“I— It’s just, this was fun. This whole mess,” he muttered. “Okay, maybe not the parts in Subspace. Or the world almost ending. But most of it, y’know? You even got me and my dad back on speaking terms. I mean, we’re not ‘fixed’ or anything, too much baggage for that, but we can interact without screaming at each other. That’s more impressive than the world saving. Not sure how you pulled that off.”

“What can I say?” she said, “I’m amazing.”

He kept his eyes low, hiding behind his cap.

“But, like, now Wanda has gone home and you’ve got work to do and… I guess… I’m just sad it’s over?”

Daisy felt that. He was right. They had a good time together. And they won, too. But they did not exactly win either. It was the sort of thing that made her want to keep playing.

“I mean,” she said. “We’ll still see each other, right? Tennis. Golf. Go-karts. Baseball. Parties. The usual.”

He looked up, solemn and poker faced. Dissatisfied with that. 

“Yeah,” he sighed. “But I was hoping—” He froze for a beat, looking around the palace and thinking better of whatever he was about to say. “Never mind. Forget it.”

“What?! No!” Daisy felt her heart pound. “You don’t get to stop there. You were hoping what?”

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She yanked it out, annoyed at the interruption, but was startled to see the call was coming from Marina Stadium.

“Hang on. Hold that thought,” she said before accepting the call. “Hello?”

“Hey-ho!” A goofy voice said on the other hand. “This is Big Top the magical talking top hat with the Marina Stadium help desk! I’m talking with Daisy, yeah? How’s it goin’?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, whatever,” she said. “What’s this about?”

“Well, I got a call from the big M earlier, and he made a big deal about wanting you registered as a hero in the online database. Not sure why, but the guy really threw his weight around on it, so you got in.”

“You’re joking,” Daisy said.

Big Top giggled. “Do I seem like a jokey sort to you? Anyway, I know you and the other guy made a big deal about wanting in on the Celebrity Heroes Tennis Tournament for Charity.”

“I thought we missed the deadline for that!” she said.

“It got pushed back on account of the whole thing with the world almost ending.”

“Did Waluigi get registered too?”

“Mr. Purple? Yeah. I’m calling him right after you. You want in or not?”

“Yes! Of course!” She laughed, feeling a rush of excitement. “Don’t bother calling him. He’s right here, I’ll tell him.”

“If you say so. See you at the tourney! Hee-hee.”

Daisy put the phone away and turned to Waluigi.

But he was gone.

Daisy swiveled her head. The jerk had snuck off during the call. She raced down the corridor toward the entrance hall, dodging around servants and construction workers in her hurry. There was no way she was going to let him get away. She spotted him halfway down the steps of the palace and jumped down after him and smacked him across the back of the head.

“Waugh!” He whipped around to face her. “Hey!”

“Idiot!” she said. “You think it’s okay to walk away when a lady is talking to you?! You don’t get all the way to the goal pole only to back down. You know better than that!”

Waluigi teetered on the stairs but found his balance. He looked up at her on the steps, flustered.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“Then finish what you were going to say!” Daisy said.

He hesitated, his face redder than a fire flower.

“I like you,” he admitted. “…And I was hoping we could keep spending time together. Not just rivals, I mean. But like, together. …If that’s okay with you.”

Daisy felt her cheeks burn. She grinned with smug satisfaction at his confession.

“Good,” she said. “Then how do you feel about being doubles partners?”

The look of shock on his face was priceless.

“But I thought—”

“We got in,” Daisy said, “we’re on the register. You wanna team up or not?”

He stared, and then a mischievous smile curled on his face.  

“Yeah,” he said. “But only if you’re ready to win.”

She leaned in to give him a gentle kiss.

“Then it’s a date,” she said.