Work Text:
2:05 PM
Dan and Casey's office
Dan : When I was younger, I believed in fairy tales.
Casey : That's cute. And what happened ?
Dan : I kissed a turtle.
Casey : You what ?! A turtle ?
Dan : I was confused. I thought it would become a prince.
Casey : A princess.
Dan : No, a prince. I might have been confused, but I knew that I was gay.
Casey : A turtle.
Dan : Well, bi actually.
Casey : A turtle.
Dan : Stop repeating yourself.
Casey : Dan... How old were you ?
Dan : Six, I think. Hey, you all right Case ?
Casey : I'm trying to understand the whole turtle thing.
Dan : Sally was his name. I know-- we thought he was a she at first.
(Jeremy appears at their door)
Jeremy : Hey !
Dan : Hey !
Casey : ...
Jeremy : That tape you need, do you want me to... Casey, are you all right ?
Dan : I told him about the turtle.
Jeremy : I see. I always wondered why you didn't try with a frog.
Dan : First of all, I was confused. Second of all, ew. At least the turtle was cute.
Casey : You told *him* ? When ?
Jeremy : Technically, he told Nathalie.
Dan : And Nathalie can't keep her mouth shut.
(Nathalie appears at the door)
Nathalie : Hey !
Dan : And she eavesdrops.
Nathalie : Die. Casey, Dana wants you.
Dan : That's new.
Nathalie : In her office.
Dan : She likes risky sex; that's definitively new.
(At the same time)
Casey : Shut up.
Nathalie : Shut up.
(Casey leaves)
Nathalie : He looked disturbed. What's up ?
Jeremy : Dan told him about the turtle.
Nathalie : Really ? Does that mean, I can talk about it with other people ?
Dan : You mean you haven't ? I'm shocked. Where is the world going ? And the answer is no.
Nathalie : Oh, okay. Bye.
Jeremy : I hope you're ready for the outing.
Dan : We'll have to gag her one of this days.
********
2:15 PM
Dana's office.
Dana : So you'll have to do the interview at one o'clock because of it.
Casey : Okay.
Dana : And you'll have to wear pantyhose and sing Hopelessly Devoted to You.
Casey : Okay.
Dana : Casey, you're not listening.
Casey : Okay.
Dana : Casey !
Casey : What ?
Dana : You're not here. What is it ? What's bothering you ?
Casey : Just something Dan said.
Dana : Okay. What was it ?
Casey : When he was six years old, he kissed a turtle hoping it would become a prince.
Dana : A turtle.
Casey : My reaction exactly.
********
2:15 PM
Elliot, Nathalie and Kim in a room beside the buffet.
Elliot : A turtle ? Why a turtle ?
Nathalie : He says he was confused.
Kim : It's kind of cute.
Nathalie : My thought exactly.
Elliot : Do you think he keeps doing it ?
Nathalie : I think so. I doubt he has found his prince.
Kim : Hey, was - what was his name ?- Paul a turtle ?
Elliot : Paul ?
Nathalie : You mean the guy with dark hair and green eyes ?
Elliot : Oh, you mean Paul Aldridge, the writer.
Kim : Yes, that one. He pinched Casey's butt.
Nathalie : Maybe, I don't know. We'd have to ask Dan.
(Dan enters while Nathalie speaks)
Dan : Ask me what ?
Elliot : was Paul a turtle ?
Dan : He looked human to me. You just can't keep you're mouth shut.
Kim : So, was he ?
Dan : Yes. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do. Any further question will have to be work-related.
(Dan takes an apple and leaves)
Elliot : You think Casey's a turtle ?
********
2:25 PM
Dana's office
Nathalie : Hey !
Dana : Hey !
Nathalie : Did you know that Dan...
Dana : I know.
Nathalie : You know ? Who told you ?
Dana : Casey.
Nathalie : Oh, what did he say ?
Dana : Not much. He was shocked by the turtle.
Nathalie : Did you know that Paul was one ?
Dana : Paul who ?
Nathalie : Paul Aldridge, the writer.
Dana : Oh, him. He was ?
Nathalie : Yes. It gives a whole new meaning to the whipped cream incident.
Dana : Yeah. Maybe...
Nathalie : What ?
Dana : It's an interesting image.
Nathalie : Yes it is.
Dana : I doubt Casey knows.
Nathalie. I'm on it.
********
2:30 PM
The costumes room
Nathalie : Did you know Paul Aldridge was a turtle ?
Casey : Paul Aldridge, the one who pinched my butt ?
Nathalie : The one and only.
Jeremy : He's a turtle ? Since when ?
Nathalie : Since always. We just didn't know.
Jeremy : And Dan kissed him ?
Nathalie : I'm sure of it. Although, it obviously didn't work.
Jeremy : Mmmm. What would Dan see in him ?
Nathalie : He's gorgeous for one.
Casey : Barely.
Nathalie : He's funny, he's intelligent, he speaks German and Spanish...
Casey : Enough.
Nathalie : ... he likes sports *and* he's got a cute butt.
Casey : I said enough.
Jeremy : I can see the interest.
Nathalie : *Can* you, now ?
Jeremy : From an intellectual point of view.
Casey : Could you please talk about something else ?
Nathalie : I'm sure he did more than kiss him.
Casey : Oh, for God's sake.
(Casey leaves)
Nathalie : Do you think it worked ?
Jeremy : He seemed jealous to me.
Nathalie : Do you think Casey's a turtle ?
Jeremy : Definitively. The question is : is he a prince charming in disguise ?
********
2:35 PM
Dan and Casey's office.
(Casey enters their office. Dan is already there.)
Casey : Dan !
Dan : Casey.
(long silence)
Casey : What happened after you kissed the turtle ?
Dan : It didn't work.
Casey : Obviously.
Dan : So I've been trying with other turtles.
Casey : Really.
Dan : Yes, but I haven't found one who's Prince Charming.
Casey : Why do you think ?
Dan : I've been kissing the wrong turtles.
Casey : Was Paul Aldridge a turtle ?
Dan : Maybe, why ?
Casey : I... He pinched my butt.
Dan : That doesn't mean he's one. Many people are turtles and they haven't pinched your butt.
Casey : How many is many ?
Dan : You don't want to know.
(silence)
Casey : Do you think you'll keep trying ?
Dan : Depends.
Casey : On what ?
Dan : I want to try it on someone to see if I have to keep searching.
Casey : Who ?
Dan : You're cute when you're jealous.
(interesting stuff happens)
Casey : I can't get the image of you in a dress out of my mind.
Dan : A white dress ?
Casey : You're not that pure Danny. Ouch, that's my butt you're pinching.
Dan : It's mine now.
Casey : Oh really ?
(more interesting stuff happens)
Dan : You know what ?
Casey : Mmmm ?
Dan : I think you were a cute turtle, but you're now a handsome prince.