Chapter Text
Pain. Burning, searing pain. And after the pain, darkness and cold.
It was over. He knew it. The darkness was complete.
And yet he hadn't moved onto Mahal in the Halls of Mandos... so was this it? Was darkness how it all ended? Was this how he was to spend the rest of his eternity?
He first thought he was in hell when the searing pain began to creep back in. All he felt was darkness and pain. It started from the center of his chest and the white hot agony crawled up to his shoulders and down his arms, prickling at his fingertips, descended down his stomach and deep into his bones, making his legs ache. His head felt as if it had been slammed into a block of stone, the pain echoing in his ears until he wanted to scream.
He had always thought that when he passed from this middle earth it would be in his old age, after he had lived a long and fulfilling life. He had thought that wherever life took him, his brother would forever follow, always be at his side. But now, now in this darkness, he was all alone. Now he could see how that was just the foolish dreams of youth.
So he let the pain and darkness over take him, let himself sink into the oblivion.
All remained for a long time, the darkness and pain his constant companion.
But then something cool touched his forehead. It sent an icy shiver down his spine, moving from his head down to his wrist and then the cold touched his throat. For a split second, he panicked that it would draw tight and choke him, but then he shook off the thought as folly. Why should he fear death if he was already dead?
“Fíli…”
In his mind, he could almost hear his mother calling out to him, comforting him after his father had died.
“Fíli…”
It was as if he was a dwarfling again, playing out in the meadow behind their village with his little brother, their uncle calling for them to come back home for dinner.
“Fíli…”
Balin calling his attention back to the lessons in front of him.
“Fíli…”
Dwalin barking instructions as he practiced with his knives in the back of his uncle's smithy.
“Fíli…”
Kíli running toward him, his face alight with joy at the new bow he had been given.
“Fíli…”
But it wasn't truly any of those voices. Those were only echoes, distant memories calling to him.
The voice echoed his name again, and he felt the coolness return to his forehead.
He finally tried to answer, but when he opened his mouth to speak, he found that his voice was gone.
A pressure on his wrist intensified for a brief moment and then faded. Once again, he was left to endure the pain alone in the darkness. He could have wept at the utter emptiness he felt.
After what felt like a long while, there was a low rumble that sounded beside him and he felt a new sensation touch his wrist. It felt like fingers on his pulse – thick fingers, worn and rough with callouses. The rumble beside him turn into a murmur of voices.
As the fog concealing the voices began to lift, the rest of Fíli’s world began to sharpen. His lungs rattled and ached, each breath sending a stabbing pain through his chest and setting his world on fire. A moan of pain cut through his parched throat.
Cool fingers softly stroked over his forehead, wiping away the thin layer of sweat that had gathered there. The fingers trailed down his temple, brushing a loose strand of hair aside.
“Fíli?” a young voice whispered. There was something slightly familiar with the voice, only he couldn't quite place it. It was soft, but strong and comforting.
Even though Fíli’s insides were protesting at any movement and his head threatened to split in two, he drew in as deep a breath as he could manage and opened his eyes.
The light was blinding at first. Fíli immediately regretted his decision, snapping his eyes shut tight again and grimacing.
The person beside him echoed his name again and slender fingers gently slid around his hand.
With another painful, shaky breath, Fíli slowly rotated his head toward the voice and looked up through half-veiled eyes.
Stormy blue eyes gazed down into his, wide and full of something close to fear.
“Balin, Oin! Come quickly,” she called as she continued to stare at him. “He… he’s awake!”
As Fíli gazed up at Bard’s eldest daughter, his vision began to blur and fade, the darkness creeping back in until it pulled him back under.