Work Text:
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 22nd at 2:32am
subject : blue
Dear Blue,
Did you know the psychological meaning of the color blue is “dependability” or “stability”? There are other meanings, but I think those describe you wonderfully. You are a great source of stability in my...admittedly less than stable life.
Blue, I have something I need to tell you. Please, please don’t freak out. Something happened today. Something that might hurt us, or, I don’t know. Something bad.
Today a kid in school saw our emails. I was in the library (because I was excited, blah blah. I wanted to talk to you, and I didn’t want to wait) reading your emails. VP walked in and started talking, I forgot to log out, long story short the kid took screenshots.
I don’t know what to do. He’s blackmailing me, trying to get me to convince one of my best friends to date him. I’ve spent hours trying to figure out how to tell you all of this.
I understand if you don’t want to talk to me anymore. But I’m scared, Blue. I don’t want to be outed. I don’t want you to be outed. I don’t think anyone would figure out who you are because of the emails, but I don’t want to risk it. I don’t want to hurt you.
What am I supposed to do?
I don’t want my friends to be hurt by this either.
But without risking everything, what am I supposed to do? I need help, Blue. Please, please don’t avoid me for this.
Love, Jacques.
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 22nd at 8:02pm
subject : re:blue
Jacques,
I’ve been reading and re-reading your email for a while now. I don’t know what to say. Firstly, I’m so happy I can be your source of stability.
I will admit I’m freaking out a little bit. But not because I’m scared for me. I’m so worried for you, Jacques, and I’m so sorry this happened. I honestly am not sure what to say. Did he show you the screenshots? Do you know if he backed them up on anything?
Honestly, the best advice I can give you is honestly to just destroy or steal his phone to get rid of the pictures.
I’m not going to stop talking to you because of this. I promise. You’re my favorite person. And that’s, like, kind of embarrassing to say, but it’s true.
I know you aren’t ready to come out. But, Jacques, I think you should talk to your friends. Maybe you don’t have to come out to get them to help you. Tell them you’re being blackmailed, who is blackmailing you, ask them for help.
It’s going to be okay. I believe in you.
Love, Blue.
p.s– love? Very new. Not saying I don’t like it.
p.p.s– maybe it’s a little much, or a little heteronormative, if I’m blue and we’re both gay, but to me, you’re pink. “Softness, sweetness, and love.” Maybe it’s a little soon.
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 22nd at 8:21pm
subject : pink
Blue,
Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you, I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you’re still here.
Also, I should definitely just destroy his phone. I’d rather not get in trouble though, so I think I might just talk to my friend. I don’t know if i can tell my other friends, but the one I’m being blackmailed for?
I feel comfortable telling her if I need to, I think.
The worst part of all? This guy has a gay brother. He comes up to me after the library and he says, “I think you might want to know, my brother is gay.” I hate straight people.
Love, Jacques.
p.s– you’re right, it is new. It was also an accident. But hey, it went okay, right?
p.p.s– definitely not too soon or heteronormative. At least, not to me. It’s cute. I’m glad you feel that way about me.
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 22nd at 9:46pm
subject : re:pink
Are you serious? He has a gay brother? Do you know his brother’s name? You need to tell him what’s happening. Jacques, I don’t know who this guy is, but I can guarantee you this guy is going to be PISSED.
If you do decide to tell your friend, I want you to know how proud I am of you.
Love, Blue.
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 23rd at 7:30am
subject : I messaged him.
Blue, I found the guy’s brother. I messaged him. He answered this morning that he’s so upset he’s coming home from college this weekend.
I’m telling Abby today.
Love, Jacques.
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 23rd at 7:31am
subject : Please read this first
Oh my god, please please disregard my last email, I wasn’t thinking and I said a name I shouldn’t have said and I know you aren’t ready to know who I am.
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 23rd at 1:24pm
subject : re:Please read this first
Hey.
I read your email. Jacques, I know who you are. Jacques a dit, right? Simon says in French.
I promise I’m not upset. Actually, I’m really happy. If I’m being honest, I’ve liked you for a really long time.
I’m not ready to tell you who I am. It’s not about you. I trust you. But I’m scared.
Please tell me how it goes with Abby.
Love, Blue.
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 23rd at 6:14pm
subject : re:re:Please read this first
Hey, Blue.
I’m kind of embarrassed knowing you know who I am. And yes, that is the inspiration behind “Jacques.” I almost signed my first email with my name, but I was looking at some photos on my wall and my family went to Paris once. It was fun. I thought it was a clever fake name.
I understand if you aren’t ready. It’s terrifying. I trust you not to tell anyone, the same way I trust Abby not to tell anyone. I told her, by the way. She was really happy for me.
I told her about the blackmailing too. She’s going to help.
I haven’t talked to the brother since he said he’s coming back, but since it’s Saturday tomorrow...I think I should be prepared in case things go wrong.
Also, did I mention I started panicking a little bit when you said you like me? Oh man. I feel like I have some sort of expectations to live up to, which is weird because I probably shouldn’t be trying to compete against myself, because I’ll definitely lose.
Love, Simon.
p.s– did you want to know the guy blackmailing me?
p.p.s– I’m still freaking out. I hope you don’t think I dress weird. My friends think I should wear fewer hoodies.
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 23rd at 11:12pm
subject : Hoodies
Simon,
You don’t dress weird. I will say though, you should *definitely* stop wearing so many hoodies….I’m just saying, cute boys and tight t-shirts go REALLY well together. Seriously.
Love, Blue.
p.s– I don’t think I’ll be able to hold back against punching him and outing myself if you tell me. But eventually? I’m so willing to let out the violence for you.
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 23rd at 11:14pm
subject : re:Hoodies
Oh my god. You can’t just SAY things like that! But I’ll definitely take your advice if that’s how you feel about it.
Love, Simon.
p.s– ❤️
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 23rd at 11:24pm
subject : re:re:Hoodies
You don’t have to. I mean, I’d certainly appreciate it… I’ll see you Monday, Simon.
p.s– you’re really cute. Thought I should remind you. ❤️
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 24th at 9:42am
subject : Cute?
Blue,
You think I’m cute? Man, I’m just learning so many new things about you, huh? You’re really making me nervous about what I should be wearing to school.
Love, Simon.
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 24th at 10:33am
subject : re:Cute?
Yes, I think you’re cute. Are you just fishing for compliments? I think it’s pretty obvious you’re attractive. I’m going to be pretty busy the rest of the day, with it being Sunday and all, but I’ll see you tomorrow.
Love, B.
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 25th at 7:48am
subject : Good morning
Dear Blue,
I might be a little hungry for compliments, I admit. You’ll see me?
Do you watch me in school? I guess I am pretty fun to look at. At least, according to you. Can’t stop thinking about how you think I’m cute. I don’t think I ever realized a guy could find me cute.
Love, Simon.
p.s– B? Is that a hint or are you just shortening from Blue? Not that I need to know. You don’t have to say anything.
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 25th at 8:24am
subject : re:Good morning
Simon,
You’re my favorite thing to look at in school. You’re so fun to watch.
I know what you mean about guys finding you cute. I don’t know if any guy could ever find me cute. I don’t think I’m very attractive. That’s another reason I’m not sure about you finding out who I am. I’m scared you won’t like me back.
Love, B.
p.s– It might be a little of both. Again, I am scared of you finding out who I am but...it’s also really exciting? I want you to know me. Well. It’s embarrassing thinking you’ll know all of me like that but honestly? If you can figure out who I am, I think I’ll be okay with that. I’m still not telling you unless you can figure it out.
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 25th at 6:16pm
subject : Oh my god
B, I’m kind of freaking out. You’re ready for me to know who you are? That’s a huge step. I’m so...oh man. Blue, I have to say, I’ve had my suspicions. Uh, as for figuring it out, would it be weird if I. Like. Ugh, I don’t even know how I would ask but. Would it be weird if I approached you (or whoever I suspect you are) and asked if it’s you? It could be some code question or I could straight up ask “are you Blue?”
Whatever you want.
Love, Simon.
p.s– please don’t call yourself unattractive. I swear I will make my mom (the child psychologist!) come talk to you about self-perspective and self-consciousness and whatever therapist buzzwords she’s into.
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 25th at 8:17pm
subject : Cute.
Hey Simon.
Yes, you can ask whoever you think I am. “Are you Blue?” And obviously if it isn’t me, you can brush it off like “oh haha it’s a thing with my friends it’s like a game” or something. I don’t know. I’m so nervous.
Love, Blue
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 26th at 3:23pm
subject : re:Cute.
I told you I had my suspicions, Bram. I’m so happy it’s you. I know we have each other’s phone numbers now, but I thought it would be, cute or whatever? If I were to maybe ask you on a date? Over email?
We can head out to Atlanta, no pda or anything because, hello, Georgia, but um.
Maybe? Friday? 7pm? I’ll pick you up?
Love, Simon.
—
from : [email protected]
to : [email protected]
date : sept. 26th at 3:35pm
subject : You’re so cute.
Simon, you’re literally the cutest. Ever. Yes, I’ll go on a date with you. We could get fries. (I’m kidding.) (No, I’m not. Although that’s a shitty first date so maybe we should get dinner or something.)
Love, Bram.
p.s– you’re right. It is cute that you asked me over email.