Chapter Text
"-What ?", Clarke asked again, incredulously.
Her mother had already repeated herself two times but Clarke felt as if she would need at least six more to fully comprehend her words.
"- Darling, I know it's a big moment in one's life and you must need a bit of time to adjust to the new. But getting married is a chance, especially in your case. I found you one of the best eligible bachelors of the region. You should be honored to serve our family's purposes in such a way !"
During her discourse, Clarke had managed to clear her mind from the confusion just enough to understand the stakes of what was being explained to her. Her parents wanted to marry her. To somebody she didn't know. Without asking her opinion first. And now her mind had freed enough place for another emotion : she was mad. Clenching her fist around the fabric of her purple dress, she furrowed her brows and gritted her teeth without even noticing it.
At the moment she didn't care if she was going to help the family or whatever bullshit that was. They were trying to marry her against her will and she was not letting that happen. Clarke didn't want her life to be ruled by everyone's expectations. Ever since childhood, she had always told herself that if she was to marry someone, it would be out of love and nothing else.
Which is exactly why she couldn't stop herself from answering with an ice cold tone :
"-I'm not marrying anyone.", she noticed that Abby had frowned and opened her mouth to speak so she quickly added, "I spend my entire life dedicating everything to you, what you and dad wanted, our people and what was convenient for the kingdom. But I made it very clear from the beginning, I'm not marrying or having children with anyone just to please you !"
Her tone had become warmer, hotter with each word passing her lips. What had started off as cold was now burning with anger. She felt betrayed that her mother could make decisions of that importance without even asking her first. Was Clarke really that unimportant to her ?
Abby readjusted her dress, pulling at the petticoats, a tic that Clarke knew meant she was upset at something. And right now it was quite easy to understand that the object of her annoyance was her daughter.
"-I am not arguing with you Clarke. You are being irresponsible and insensitive and you should remember where your place is. You are making a fuss when you don't even know who you're going to marry. It's utterly ridiculous you know?"
Clarke crossed her arms over her chest, not knowing how to answer for a few seconds. How could her mother not understand ? Was she really the one being difficult ? She shifted where she was standing, before her mother's throne. Her dress now felt inexorably tight around her chest and she wondered if her breathing had become uneven because of her stress or because her lady-in-waiting tied the bustier too tight in the morning.
"-I am allowed to have my limits ! And that's were-"
She was abruptly cut off by Abby's voice who had raised her tone, her words resonating clearly in the throne room and almost starling Clarke :
"-I am your mother, I fix your limits young lady ! And you're marrying whoever I want you to marry. You're dismissed."
"-But..."
"-You are dismissed ! Right now !"
Clarke knew that she couldn't argue anymore or her dad would get involved and that would end up in something just as intense. She swallowed what she was going to say next and stormed out the room as fast as she could, which was not much because of her purple, heavy dress slowing her down.
As she was walking through the castle's corridors, she tried to think straight. The humming that resonated in her head calmed down a little and she let the warm ray of the sun soothe her aching nerves as she passed next to an arrow-slit. The castle was always desperately cold inside despite it being a warm and sunny spring outside. Clarke was sometimes annoyed at the heavy stone for trapping any form of life outside its barriers, but the rare times they were under attack and it made its jobs of protecting them, her gratefulness reminded her that she should not complain.
People are usually better off cold than dead.
She reached the garden a few minutes later but her frown still hadn't washed off her face, even if her desperate anger had calmed down a bit. She let out a sigh when passing the neatly-cut bushes and trees planted regularly along the rocky path. Clarke tried not to crush too many flowers while crossing the lawn to join a tree, she liked those flowers maybe more than anyone in the castle. Finally, she propped herself down onto the grass, knowing very well that her dress was going to come out a bit green but the young duchess couldn't find the energy to care.
She passed the events from earlier again and again in her mind, not wanting, not being able to fully assimilate the fact that she was getting married. She was going to marry an actual, living, human being. She was going to live with somebody else, that she was going to let into her life without being able to stop them.
Clarke groaned at the thought and brought her hands to her face, burying it into her fingers to mask reality. She started doing it when she was still a little girl and when she grew up, her brain didn't get the memo that a fully responsible woman couldn't hide her eyes to keep reality away. It still did help though. Darkness helped her feel a little more in control because, in her mind, she chose what happened. She could block out thoughts she didn't like and spend hours creating and perfecting fantasies that she had full control over. Her mind was a kingdom and she was the queen.
Well, usually she was.
But today she felt like she had lost her crown because all she could do was sit and watch scenes more and more stressful of a potential future that she couldn't choose.
Deep in her mind, she always knew that something like this could happen... Of course it could. She was a young, pretty, rich and wealthy duchess. Her family did possess one of the most important land in the region. And beside that, she hadn't any brother and sister. It was unusual but her mother suddenly couldn't get pregnant after having her and her people's medicine didn't go really far so they blamed it on bad luck... So, in all logic, it belonged to her responsibility to find someone she could have a legacy with. Clarke knew all of that, it had been explained to her in every way possible when she was a child. And she never wanted to finish her life alone anyway so the possibility of getting married wasn't what was bothering her, no, she liked the idea actually. The problem was not getting to choose. It had stayed a nightmare for so long that she didn't even fully consider it until now.
She wanted to marry someone out of love. It wasn't something common and now Clarke felt stupid for seriously thinking she had a chance to do that someday.
Suddenly, she felt something wet on her cheek and brought her hand to it in bewilderment. Since when was she crying ? Furiously, her fingers wiped her cheeks before dropping on the meadow next to her. Defeated, she just sat there, playing with the grass with her fingertips until they had become numb to the sensation.
The young woman didn't know how much time had passed before she heard heavy footsteps on the path before her. Her head snapped up and she recognized the person walking toward her on the spot.
The man seemed to be looking for something -or someone- and she made no move to show her presence. Finally, he looked toward her and his gaze softened with a relieved sigh. He made her way toward her, his big boots leaving marks in the soft verdure under his feet. Clarke still didn't say a word until he was right next to her.
"-Hi dad", she then let out, in a gloomy voice.
"-I know you'd be around here."
She rolled her eyes back so far it could have gone up her skull and her dad laughed before crouching next to her under the tree.
"-Your mother and I knew you wouldn't be that much happy with your marriage but not that you would run away like that.", he started after an awkward silence lingered for a few seconds too much between them.
"-Of course I would ! How could you even do this to me ? I'm just eighteen, I have still so much time to find someone I would actually want to get engaged to ! Why now ?"
Her voice broke a little at the end but her dad didn't seem to acknowledge it and, for that at least, she was grateful.
"-I... It's all political stuff honey.", Jake said with a tired voice, "It's what's best for us. We have a lot of power but also many responsibilities and since you are our only heir, we need to make sure that you will have someone as soon as possible. It's better for our fortune but also because we need to convey the right message to those who could possibly get against us ; we are not unprepared and we are not weak because of our lack of bloodline."
"-Couldn't it still wait ? Just a little-"
"-Clarke," he cut her off, "I'm not here to negotiate. I'm here to inform you of who you're actually going to marry."
That succeeded to get the blonde's attention. While wallowing in self-pity, she paid little to no mind to who that person was going to be because their existence in itself was already a problem. She swallowed and asked with an hesitant, curious, shy voice :
"-Do... Do I know them ?"
"-Actually, I think you do."
Clarke mind raced to list every duc and duchesses she knew (which was not a lot, she didn't have many friends of her rank and hanged out more with nobles less influent or even peasants sometimes). Her dad's voice stopped her racing thoughts and she watched his next sentence fall from his lips, word per word, each one building anticipation within her before finally dropping the fateful name :
"-You must have seen her a few times, during dances or receptions and her parents have been good friends of our family for years... Her name is Lexa Woods."
Her name is Lexa Woods.
Lexa Woods.
Lexa.