Work Text:
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Neyo: I hate all of you kriffin shebese. I hope you ALL die alone, and the whole Karkin galaxy would FRIKEN be better off. Kark yourself. All of you kriffin go kark yourselves.
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Bly: Woah.
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Code: Vode.
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Rex: Neyo.
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Wolffe: Rude.
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Bacara: Calm down!
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Fox: What did I kriffin walk into?
[Private room: CC-8824 | CC-6454]
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Ponds: Ney-Ney, what are you doing?
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Neyo: Shut up and let me yell at them.
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Ponds: This won’t make it better…
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Neyo: Kark you too.
[Main room]
Neyo: Give me a moment to type out the rest.
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Bly: Hey.
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Cody: Neyo, calm the Kriff down before I remove you from this chat.
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Neyo: Try me Vode. I have just as many Karking chat rights as the next Marshal Commander.
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Fox: Okay, where the hell are you Neyo? Someone obviously needs to check on you.
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Bly: Oh yeeeah, you’re a Marshal Commander! I always forget that!
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Bacara: Same here.
[Private room: CC-8824 | CC-811]
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Ponds: Hey, Is everything okay?
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Neyo: No.
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Ponds: …?
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Neyo: let me yell at everyone more.
[Main room]
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Rex: We get your angry, but don’t take it out on us.
[Neyo typing]
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Neyo: Oh? Sorry, I forgot I had the other kriffin people to talk to. SORRY FOR KARKING NOT TALKING TO THOSE PEOPLE!
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Neyo: And hold up you get why I’m angry?!?
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Neyo: No. Torrent does not kriffin Get why I am angry.
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Wolffe: Now shut the Kriff up
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Bacara: N in the chat for Neyo to shut up.
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Bly: N
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Cody: N
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Rex: N
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Fox: You all are a lot of teenage girls.
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Neyo: You know Fox? You’re a hypocrite. A wholly kriffin hypocrite.
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Bly: Look at that Fox! You’re Holy now!
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Bacara: Glorious.
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Wolffe: I Would leave you idiots, but this is too entertaining.
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Fox: Oh How am I a hypocrite, Neyo? Do tell.
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Neyo: Oh sURe!!
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[Participants are typing]
Ponds: Before this gets out of hand, Neyo, are you sure you want to do this?
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Neyo: Since the first karken day I opened this chat.
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Codes: I feel that.
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Rex: You created this chat!
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Codes: I have since regretted it.
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Codes: Every day.
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Codes: Since.
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Neyo: Okay listen your karken Shebs up Fox.
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Fox: Sure.
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Neyo: You Karken preach on about honour and all that kriffin saintly stuff while you kriffin make out with the senators off duty. So stop kriffin telling us you’re there, and that you’re the oldest. You’re a karken murderer, and everyone knows it. If you ever want anyones respect, try kriffin not sleeping with the first person you see.
|And like that the Commanders of the Galaxy all paused what they were doing to stare at their datapads|
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Wolffe: Kriff Neyo.
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Codes: That’s it, get out of my chat. Stop spreading lies.
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Rex: Stop it.
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Bacara: Neyo!
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Ponds: Neyo…
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Fox: Well Kark. Thanks for that.
[Fox is offline]
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Codes: Get out, and Don’t use your kriffin MC status to let yourself back in either.
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Neyo: Kark yourself Codes. May your Kriffin Jedi finally find hell.
[Neyo has left chat]
Ponds: I… I don’t know what happened.
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Rex: Has Neyo ever done that before?
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Codes: Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to, Rex. I thought you learned that under Skywalker by now.
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Wolffe: No, he kriffin does not.
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Bacara: He just got back from recon, he’s just tired.
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Bly: Tired my shebs!
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Rex: You know what? Cody, let him back in.
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Codes: What?
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Bly: What?
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Bacara: What?
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Wolffe: WHY?!
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Ponds: That isn’t a good idea…
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Rex: If Commander Neyo wants to let out his obviously pent up emotions on US, it only stands to reason that we can do the same to him.
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Codes: You want to…. Scream back at him?
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Rex: Yes.
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Bly: This is clearly going to get messy. I’m out!
[Bly is offline]
Bacara: I only stay to make sure Rex doesn’t get massacred.
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Wolffe: Same ‘ere.
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Ponds: Rex, you don’t want to do that.
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Rex: And why not?
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Codes: Fine, I’m letting him in.
[CC-8824 Is let in]
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Neyo: Wat the Haran do you want.
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Rex: I decided since you want to scream at us, then I can scream at you.
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Neyo: Oh this will be good.
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Wolffe: Neyo, just run.
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Baraca: Yeah, apologize, then run.
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Neyo: Fat chance, I’m not a kriffin coward.
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Ponds: Vod…
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Codes: You had this coming, Neyo.
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[Rex is typing]
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Rex: Okay. You lead the recon corps. You scout out Terrien, right? Well while you’re zooming through the jungle on your little speeders, the REST OF US are on the frontline, actually SAVING LIVES! You don’t get your brothers blown up because no one ever kriffin shoots at you! What do you have to complain for? Being away from Coruscant? What do you have here that you want? You aren’t actually helping the war. Droids can, and DO do your job better! So reel in the swearing, Neyo. You don’t get to be mad at walking through the jungle!
[All participants online.]
|Across the galaxy, the tension is palpable|
[Neyo typing]
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Neyo: Rex. Vode. Have you heard of clean up runs?
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Ponds: Oh. So This is where this is going.
[Side chat. Excludes CC-8824]
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Ponds: Okay, who knows where Neyo is?
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Rex: No clue.
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Wolffe: I would hit him if I did.
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Codes: One of my men was visiting someone in the 91st, hold on and I’ll find him.
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[Codes typing]
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Codes: He’s in his office.
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Ponds: Okay, I’m close then. Don’t provoke him until I get there.
[Ponds is offline]
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Rex: We provoke him?!
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Codes: Ah, heads up. His door’s locked, and he has banned anyone from coming within any distance of him.
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Wolffe: Mood.
[Bly is online]
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Bly: Yikes.
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Bacara: Look who came back.
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Bly: My Datapad showed the beginning of Rex’s rant, so I came.
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Rex: You know it is true.
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Codes: You still shouldn't have said anything, Rex'ika. You know better than that.
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Bly: And He’ll kill you.
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Bacara: No, I will kill him if he kills Rex.
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[Fox is online]
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Fox: I have come back to say, that You are all Hutt-spawn.
[Ponds is online]
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Ponds: Okay, I’m back. Though if you have any brain cells, DON’T CONTINUE THIS CONVERSATION. Honestly, you don’t want to know what it is.
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Rex: Too bad. I’m interested.
[Main chat]
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Rex: No, Neyo. I haven’t heard of clean up runs.
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Neyo: Then let me inform you of what they are.
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Rex: Please.
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[Neyo typing]
[Side chat]
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Codes: For all of your own safety, don’t interrupt.
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Doom: … What did I walk in on?
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Fox: Haran.
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Bly: @Doom, just don’t talk.
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Doom: For once, okay.
[Main chat]
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Neyo: So, listen up and maybe you'll learn something. A few times a month, the 91st is assigned clean up runs.
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Neyo: You all know of those battlegrounds that you can’t get your brother’s bodies? That you can’t bury them? And their filthy rotten corpses are left alone.
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Neyo: Rex, dear brother, have you heard of post-battle recon?
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Neyo: The 91st needs to gather more information on the changed terrain.
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Neyo: So we go out to the battlefield you all leave behind, and then there are three things that we do, depending on where we are assigned.
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Neyo: We either traverse through the corpses, checking their wrists, or what is left of their wrist, to scan for their CT number. Where do you think the list of the dead comes from anyway? We also wade through their remains to try and get to some kriffin place no one knows the name of. Or we go to the towns that are being rebuilt, and we clean up . Clean up the corpses.
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Neyo: Now we get new shipments of shinies every month, like all of us. So now imagine the 20 or so shinies puking their guts out when they find their batchmates splattered across walls, then they are abused by the civvies, and required to take shovels and brushes and clean the kriffin remains of their batchmates off the walls, the floor, and whatever else we are kriffin required to do.
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Neyo: Sure, we don’t shoot kriffin blasters as much as the rest of you. But have you tried carrying spare body parts? Try it some time. Mix up your nightmares.
[All participants online]
[All participants typing}
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Codes: Tell me you're joking.
[Ponds typing}
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Ponds: Negative. His facts are right.
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Rex: They actually kriffin make you do that!?!?!
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Ponds: Affirmative.
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Wolffe: Why the Haran didn’t you say anything until now?!?!
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Bly: Kriff…
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Bacara: Yeah, why didn’t you say anything?
[All participants online]
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Codes: Are they even online anymore…?
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Ponds: Sorry, we are. The shinies wanted hugs.
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Bacara: You kriffin have the traumatised shinies with you?!
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Ponds: Yup. They were already in Neyo's office when I arrived, in dire need of a hug: Jpg.2499.
[Shows image on Ponds on a couch cuddling helmeted shinies. Ponds is in the middle on the couch, and one shiny had his head on Ponds thigh, two were curled up next to him, and Ponds had his arms draped round those ones. There was a shiny on the floor in front of the couch, resting the back of his head on Ponds legs, and his arms wrapped around his own legs. ]
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Rex:... That is too dang cute and sad and horrible. I apologize for blowing up on you. Even if Neyo started it.
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Codes: That is too adorable to even be allowed.
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Ponds: @Rex Dw.
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Bly: That’s it, Ponds, get over here. We’re having a movie night. Bring all of your shinies. We have chocolate.
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Bacara: YES.
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Rex: We’ll bring fizzy drinks.
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Codes: Same here.
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Wolffe: … I have donuts…
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Doom: You got Wolffe on board? We DO have a War to fight, but I guess this can’t be helped.
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Ponds:... Really guys?
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Rex: Yes.
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Codes: Yes. Force knows those Shinies need it.
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Bly: Yup.
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Doom: Apparently.
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Ponds: Thanks Vode! We’ll be over shortly!!
[Private room. CC-1010 | CC-8824]
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Fox: Hey, Neyo.
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Neyo: What.
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Fox: I get why you yelled.
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Neyo: I still hate you.
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Fox: I know. I hate you too. Want to get a drink?
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Neyo: Not at 79’s.
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Fox: I have the alcohol.
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Neyo: My office is free later.
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Fox: Perfect.
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Neyo: You know how to get here?
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Fox: Yes. 1AM works for you?
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Neyo: Yes.
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Neyo: Kriff, the shinies are happy.
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Neyo: Imma run.
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Fox: Guess you are the coward.
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Neyo: Kark you.
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Fox: Ha.
[All participants are offline]