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Luke can hear Julie’s voice muffled through the bathroom door as he steps out of the shower and reaches to grab one of the guest towels that Willie had left out for them. The steam on the mirror spells out a love you with a little heart below it in Alex’s neat writing that is definitely not meant for him, and he rolls his eyes at how incredibly adorable his best friend and his boyfriend are.
Even if it means he has to admit that Alex has better writing than him.
He pulls on the only clean pair of joggers that he was able to find in his suitcase earlier and runs the towel through his hair one final time before making his way in search of a shirt.
Padding over to the kitchen, he spots Julie sitting on a bar stool wearing the matching top to his Julie and the Phantoms’ branded pants, her ankles wrapped around the legs of the chair, tapping nervously as she talks to someone on the phone while scribbling onto a notepad in front of her.
There’s a sigh from Julie behind him as he opens the refrigerator door to grab the orange juice and reaches for a glass from the cabinet above the sink. “Was that Andi?”
“Ugh. Yeah, it was.” She looks up from her place at the kitchen island and he sees her eyes flicker down towards his shirtless torso, the bridge of her nose doing that cute little scrunch whenever she’s about to tease him for something. “How are you not freezing, Patterson? There’s a literal snow storm outside.”
He shrugs at her, taking notice at how she’s struggling to keep her gaze above his shoulders, and a grin pushes up on the edge of his mouth, “Canadian remember? I was basically born loving the cold.”
“It’s unnatural, is what it is.”
“Uh no, what’s unnatural is you being bundled up in my only clean sweater and still complaining that it’s too cold.”
“Well technically, this is ours.” His brows shoot up at the word and the singer stumbles over her next words, “I mean, ours- as in the bands’. Like with Reggie and Alex. Cause y’know, it’s got our name on it?”
“Yeah, I know who’s in the band, Jules. I’m in it too, remember?”
“Right. Yeah. Of course. Duh!”
He takes a sip from his glass, smirking into it as he watches Julie track his movement. When their eyes meet, Julie quickly looks back down to the notepad in front of her, tapping out a rhythm with the back of her pen. “So what did Andi say? Do we have a flight back home soon?”
“Oh! Well, it looks like we’re stuck here for a bit. The storm delayed or cancelled all the flights, so the earliest one that she could book us for is on Wednesday?”
“Ouch, okay.” Guess they’re not making it back in time for their pre-holiday traditions of last-minute present shopping and getting food from sketchy street vendors. “Good thing we don’t have any deadlines with the label. You talk to your Dad? Tia’s probably going to want to push back the dinner now that we can’t make it.”
She hums in acknowledgement, eyes still trained on the notebook as she spins it around on the countertop and they settle into a silence as Julie taps away at her phone, probably texting Flynn about their new schedule.
It’s these seemingly insignificant mundane moments where Luke realizes that he’s definitely head over heels in love with his best friend. From where he’s standing, he watches her twirl her finger into a stray curl that’s hanging over the side of her face, and he’s thinking how he wants to be the one who gets to brush his finger across her cheek to tuck it behind her ear. And how the sunlight streaming in from the window behind her illuminates the metallic butterfly clips in her hair, making them sparkle as if they’re alive and fluttering, just like the ones in his stomach every time he catches a glimpse of how beautiful she looks.
He really needs to get a grip on himself because he’s always one breath away from saying the wrong thing and ruining the dynamic that they’ve got.
And he’s not really sure when these feelings started making themselves more known to him. He’s tried to hide it, but his face has always been easy to read, and the boys know him too well for him to lie about it.
He knows that Alex will sometimes throw him a look telling him to cool it with the heart eyes when they’re doing press or a photoshoot. Or Reggie will have to stride over to him on-stage and give him a nod to make sure he’s not going to miss his cue during a performance because he’s too busy gawking at Julie.
Maybe it started from the moment they met in first grade, when Julie stood up to Bobby Wilson after he made fun of Luke’s dream of being a famous rockstar. And the way she had taken all the blue crayons from Bobby’s desk and hid them around the classroom and acted like she was innocent when the teacher had asked her if she knew where they went.
Or maybe it was when they wrote their first full song together in freshman year, and they both felt the words piece together before they would even have to vocalize the melody to each other. How she could read his messy scrawl and her own loopy writing would fit neatly between the lines, like a perfect harmony on paper.
And maybe it became a little crush when they were setting up for a garage party for the first time as a band in junior year, and he watched Julie carefully decorate the doors with paper flowers in each of the boys’ signature colours. He felt something as he sat on the ground tuning his electric, and she tilted her head from side to side, making sure that everything was perfectly placed.
And as they grew up alongside each other, always in each other's orbits, there were more and more of these little moments where he suddenly wanted to tell her how he felt, if only to see if she felt the same.
He remembers the time after they had played their first real gig, and as soon as they got off-stage she immediately threw her arms around his neck in a tight hug and whispered breathlessly, “We played the Orpheum, Luke.”, and she had pulled back and all he saw was her flushed cheeks, wild curls and beaming smile. He would’ve said something then, but Reggie and Alex had bounded up and thrown their arms around the both of them in celebration.
There was the time when they were in the studio, recording their very first single and he was watching her from the production booth through the glass. The way her eyes sparkled and marvelled at everything, and the effortless way she was able to hit the notes of a song that they had written together. The way she commanded the space she was in and knew exactly how she wanted each run to sound and how he wanted to burst in there and tell her how much he loved her, but they were surrounded by other producers and musicians.
But deep down, he knows he hasn't told her because he’s also always thinking about the band, and how it’s the one thing they’ve all got that makes them happy, and how history reminds him that bandmates dating is never a good idea.
So he pushes it down like he always does and settles for silently studying Julie in the glow of the light.
“Luke, what did I say about shirts?” Alex’s voice breaks through his spiraling and he looks up to see the blonde rounding the corner.
He rolls his eyes at the drummer, putting on a face that he hopes comes across as innocence. “That I can’t cut the sleeves off of them?”
“No,” Alex sighs, throwing a balled up fabric towards him that hits him square in the chest, “That you gotta wear one.”
“It wasn’t my fault this time! Julie’s wearing the only clean sweater I had, so this is on her.” He unravels the shirt Alex has thrown at him, and it looks suspiciously like one of Reggie’s because it’s still got sleeves on, and pulls it over his head. It’s much too small for him, the bassist always had a thing for form-fitting clothes, so it hugs Luke’s arms and chest in an unnatural way.
He hears Julie chuckle and looks up to find her biting down a smile as he fidgets with the collar. “I don’t think I’ve seen you look so uncomfortable since you had to wear that turtleneck that tia had given you for your birthday.” And he feels himself shudder at the thought of wearing that shirt again.
“Maybe if you, I dunno, did your laundry,” Alex retorts, emphasizing each word with a pause, “Then you’d have more clean clothes.”
“Babe, be nice.” Willie steps in from behind, hooking his chin over Alex’s shoulders and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist.
“I was on the road with the three of them for nine months, let me complain just a little.” He hears Alex murmur, but the tone in his voice is already lighter, as it always is when Willie’s in his presence.
“You’ll survive, ‘Lex.” Willie says, pressing a kiss into Alex’s shoulder.
Julie shoots a grateful smile over to the skater, “Thanks again Willie, for letting us stay here. We promise we’ll be out of your hair as soon as we can get on the next flight.”
They were only supposed to be in New York for two days - one night for the show and the rest of the time doing press for their new single, and back to sunny L.A. by the third day. Then the weather forecast took a turn for the worse and they woke up to the entire city covered in a thick blanket of snow on the morning of their flight, with the snow still billowing around like it had a personal vendetta against the holidays.
While Andi was able to book for an extra night at the hotel, the snow wasn’t looking like it was letting up and they had to find new accommodations as quickly as possible. Which brought them to Alex begrudgingly asking Willie if the band could crash in his guest bedrooms since he had a place in the city while he was finishing up his final year of school.
“It’s no problem Julie, you’re like family to me. This place is already much too big for two people anyways and I wasn’t going to let Alex here leave you guys stranded with no place to stay.”
Alex’s eyes go wide at the implication that he’d leave his best friends in their time of need and he opens his mouth to reply, but the sound of running footsteps echoes from the second floor and down the stairs, and they all watch as Reggie races past them in the hallway towards the front door.
“Reg!” Luke shouts out after him, “Where’s the fire?”
The bassist is hopping up and down as he struggles to put on his socks standing up, and there’s an attempt at a reply, but the piece of paper in between his teeth just produces incoherent mumbling.
Julie shakes her head at the scene and walks over to the boy, hand reaching out to grab the paper that’s sitting in his mouth. Her eyes scan over Reggie’s blocky letters. “Are these all… pizza places?”
Reggie’s eyes light up at the word. “Yeah! I got our fans to tell me the best pizza places in New York since we’re stuck here because of the storm, so thought I’d do a little pizza crawl. Like a pub crawl, but with pizza!”
“Aren’t you lactose-intolerant?”
“Technically, yes , but I’d like to think that I’m here for a good time, not a long time!” He replies back cheerily as he pulls on his hat and a pair of fingerless gloves, and grabs the paper back from Julie’s hand. Before anyone can question him, he’s waving goodbye and bounces out the door into the cold.
The four of them look at each other, an unsaid sentiment floating in the air of he’ll be fine right? that they’re all definitely thinking. Alex runs his hand down his face in exasperation, “That’s not- okay.” as he extracts himself from Willie and walks over to the other side of the kitchen.
“So, do you guys have any plans?” Willie asks as he joins Alex in grabbing some bowls from the cabinet.
Luke looks over at Julie, who’s looking back at him with the same question in her eyes, and she shakes her head in reply for the both of them. “No, not really. We didn’t think we’d be here for so long.”
“Oh, maybe we can lay down some tracks for the demos that the label has been asking us to get done?” He knows he’s bouncing on his feet, as he does every time the conversation revolves around their music, “We could totally get that song done that we started last week!”
“Don’t you think you guys should, I dunno, take an actual break?” Alex suggests, but the glare that Luke shoots at him makes him stop and hold up his hands in surrender. “Okay, sorry I suggested a proper work-life balance, my bad.”
“Music is my work and my life, Alex. It’s also yours! There is no balance when they’re one and the same.”
He can see Julie shaking her head out of the corner of her eye and laughing softly at the exchange. She turns to him, a gentle look on her face. “I think Alex is right Luke, when do we ever not have any impending deadlines from the label?” She’s right, of course she is. “And it’s snowing! I haven’t ever seen this much snow. We should go out.” Her eyes go wide at the word. “I mean like outside. Outdoors. You and me.”
The blush crawling up her cheeks makes him grin.
“You guys could take a walk around the neighbourhood,” Willie comments, pouring cereal out into his bowl, “There’s a bunch of shops a couple blocks down, shouldn’t be hard to find.”
“That actually sounds nice.” Julie turns to face him, eyebrow quirked and a teasing smile pointed at him. “You think you can go without music for one day, Patterson?”
No. Because you are my music, Jules is what his mind supplies, but instead he replies, “Anything for you, boss.”
The snow has finally stopped after this morning’s resurgence, and the sidewalk has already turned grey and slushy from all the foot traffic of people rushing to get their errands done before the storm hits again. The area they’re walking through is picture-perfect New York City - complete with brownstone apartments with stoops out front and cars parked along the side of a narrow one way street. Laughter echoes from the children at the nearby park enjoying their day off from school and there’s an unusual stillness in the air - like the city has been wiped clean and reset.
Luke doesn’t remember when the band last had time to take a break since they started touring, and he forgets how much he loves to explore the cities they’re in. Their schedules are usually packed to the brim, doing sound checks or meet and greets or interviews with the local media outlets. At most, they usually have an hour or two to roam around the venue to find something to eat, but ever since he had suggested they get street dogs after a show and the boys had gotten food poisoning, he was no longer allowed to choose what they got to eat.
He won’t say it out loud, but he’s gotta admit that Alex might’ve been a little right in taking an actual day off, and if that means a whole day with Julie by his side then he’s not really complaining at all.
Their conversation is light, talking about nothing of importance and more often than not, they’re just walking in silence without any plan or direction. He clocks the way their arms sway in the space between them and whenever they brush against each other, he glances over like a nervous teenage boy doing something he’s not supposed to.
Which, to be fair, is exactly how he always feels around Julie.
As they turn the corner, little shops and boutiques start showing up on their path, and he spots a sign that says Scoops in wooden letters, peeling from the years of harsh elements and his stomach grumbles at the thought of the sweet treat.
“Hey, let’s get some ice cream. I could really go for something sweet right now.”
“In this weather, Luke? Are you crazy or are you just Canadian?” she quips back, eyes rolling at him, but there’s a hint of affection laced in her tone.
“C’mon Julie,” his voice is playful as he grabs her hand, “Could you be any more L.A.?” and pulls her inside the store without giving her a chance to decline.
The bell above the door announces their entrance as they step in, and Luke gives his head a shake to get rid of the remaining snowflakes that are already melting in his hair. He sees Julie lifting up her own hands in an attempt of defence, but not before a few of the droplets hit her face.
“Luke!” she giggles out, wiping at her cheeks with her mittened hands, “What are you? A dog?”
He throws a wolfish grin back at her and his eyelid drops in a wink, “Woof.”
The singer gives his shoulder a light shove and steps further into the room, eyes already scanning the chalkboard menu.
Scoops is a tiny little place, walls decorated with multi-coloured mosaic tiles, and a bright neon light that says ice cream in yellow hangs on the wall beside the door. There’s a couple of soft-serve machines behind the counter and a decently-sized ice cream dipping cabinet displaying a range of flavours at the front. A jukebox sits in the corner by the storefront window, looking a little weathered and dull, but filling the room with the soft music.
He steps up beside Julie, his arm brushing her shoulders as they both look over their options.
“Ohmygosh.” A female voice rings out from their left. “Are you- are you guys Julie and Luke? From Julie and the Phantoms? I’m such a huge fan!”
They both swivel their heads to spot a young girl coming out from the staff door wearing a pinstripe apron with the shop’s name embroidered on it. They’re usually pretty good at not being recognized when they’re exploring the city they’re playing a show at, but with their growing popularity and increasing radio play, they’ve recently been getting recognized more often than not.
He peers down at Julie, who gives her a nod for him to take the lead, and he gives a little two-fingered wave at the girl. “Yeah, we are. What’s your name?”
“Oh? Me?” The girl’s basically vibrating in excitement and Luke can’t help but grin at the starstruck look on her face. “Oh gosh, I’m- I’m Heather.”
Julie steps closer towards the counter. “It’s so lovely to meet you Heather. We’re so glad you like our music!”
“Ohmygod like? I like, love you guys. Especially you Julie. Your voice is incredible and the lyrics you write are so beautiful and real. The band’s first album with Wake Up? Had that song on repeat for like 8 months straight.”
Luke smiles at the mention of the song and he watches Julie’s face light up in the way that she does whenever someone brings it up.
Julie had been so nervous about putting it on the album because she didn’t feel like it fit the band’s vibe, and that it was too personal, but the boys were adamant about her recording it in memory of Rose. There was no way that they weren’t going to showcase her voice at the start of the album and it felt like the perfect way to introduce the world to the full power of their lead singer.
People always tell him that getting recognized in public will eventually get old, but Luke values every fan interaction because it’s real tangible acknowledgement that his music is connecting with another human being. An actual living, breathing person. And that’s all he’s ever wanted.
But as he watches Julie slip into an effortless conversation with Heather, a fluttering feeling rises once again in his chest. It reminds him that as much as he wants his music to make a connection with everyone, how it’s actually Julie who was able to help him do that. Without her, he was just Luke Patterson, guitarist and songwriter.
With Julie? He was a better everything .
A better lyricist. A better musician. A better collaborator. A better person.
Julie always had a way to elevate his lyrics with her intricate melodies, while simultaneously pushing him to think deeper about the songs he was writing. She knew him better than he knew himself and that was something he never thought he’d find in another person. Sure, Reggie and Alex have been by his side since they were kids and the three of them have had their fair share of brotherly moments, but Julie understood him in a different way and saw him in a different light than everyone else.
Damn, he’s really gotta get a grip on himself because he’s definitely been staring at Julie for the past minute with the heart eyes that Alex keeps telling him about.
“Ohmygosh, I’m being so unprofessional. I haven’t even asked you what you guys would like!”
“You’re good, Heather.” The smile he receives back is practically blinding when the name slips from his mouth, “What do you recommend?”
“Oh,” the girl purses her lips in thought, “If you’re looking for something a little more adventurous, you definitely need to try the peanut butter and jelly swirl. But if you’re looking for something classic, the vanilla soft serve in the chocolate dipped waffle cone is my favourite!”
They end up getting one of each of her recommendations, Luke never having been scared by weird food combinations as proven by his maple syrup and eggs he has for breakfast during tours. He pulls out his wallet to pay for the two cones, but Heather simply says it’s on the house, which Luke isn’t sure she’s allowed to do, so he still pulls out a bill and shoves it into the tip jar sitting beside the register.
Julie gets the young girl to take a picture of her and Luke posing with their cones outside the store, and they snap a few selfies with her as well which Heather thanks them profusely for.
They walk in a comfortable silence, occasionally holding out their own cones for the other person to lick. Julie gets some on the tip of her nose at one point, and without thinking, he reaches over with his thumb to wipe it off. There’s a tingling on the spot where their skin meets and he notices her cheeks reddening at the same time he pulls back.
Or maybe the flush coming across her face is from the cold. He doesn’t dwell on it.
Their feet take them to the nearby park, where a bunch of children and their parents are playing in the snow. Squealing laughter filling the neighbourhood from an impromptu snowball fight and the makeshift sledding hill.
He doesn’t realize they’ve both stopped until he feels Julie leaning her head against his shoulder and her curls are tickling the underside of his chin.
They don’t do much. Just standing by the fence and eating their ice cream, watching. To be honest, he probably thinks they look a little creepy, just two people standing there staring, but when he tilts his head down to look at Julie, there’s a wistfulness spread on her face. A yearning that he doesn’t quite understand as she studies the scene in front of her.
“Whatcha thinking about?” he finally asks.
“Hmmm? Oh, nothing.”
The way she says it doesn’t sound like nothing to him, so he nudges her head gently with his shoulder. “Jules, what’s on your mind?”
There’s a beat, and then a cloud of condensation as she exhales deeply before taking in a breath. “Can you imagine this for yourself?” and Luke doesn’t know what she’s talking about until she gestures to the families in front of her. “LIke settling down. Married to someone, and maybe having kids. Taking them to school, watching them grow up. Do you see that happening?”
He freezes and his shoulders tense. They’ve talked about this before, what the future looks like for them and the band during late nights of songwriting or after an unruly interviewer has tried to dig into their dating lives. But she’s never asked him straight up, nor has he asked her. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t see the point in asking, because a future without Julie isn’t something he wants and he’s terrified that her answer may not include him.
Trying to put a teasing tone in his voice, he throws the question out. “Is this your way of telling me you’re dating someone?”
“What!? No! I spend every waking moment with you or the boys, you think I could hide a boyfriend? No, I’m just - I’ve just been thinking a lot about it. How we’ve chosen to live this rockstar life but maybe have also decided to maybe give up this.” He watches as she pulls her hand out of her pockets and starts wringing them together, the way she always does when she’s nervous.
Instinctively, he reaches out to place his hand on her wrist and he slides his fingers between hers to stop her fidgeting as she peers up at him with a grateful look. “What’s got you thinking about this?”
Julie twists their interlocked hands so that his rests on top and her other index finger traces along his knuckles in a line. Back and forth and back again, sending a jolt down his arm and straight into his heart.
“Just… the holidays. Thinking about mom. I remember her telling me how she met Dad and she knew that she wanted to start a family with him, but when she couldn’t really figure out how to balance the performance side of the job she stepped down from the band.” She huffs out a laugh, “I dunno, it’s silly right? To be thinking about this at 23?”
“No, I don’t think it’s silly, Jules.” He gives her hand a gentle squeeze and continues, “I think I’ve always wanted a family. Two kids. Maybe a dog. And I think that we- I could have that, even with our careers as musicians.” He glances down at her and he swears he can hear his own heart racing in his ears. “I think if I met the right person, we could make it work.”
Julie’s mouth pulls into a small smile as she turns to look back out at the kids in the park. “Yeah, I think so too.”
I hope it’s me his heart wants him to say, but he holds his tongue like he always does and instead wraps his arm around Julie's shoulders and they take one last look at the scene in front of them and head back to Willie’s place.
The sun’s starting to dip in the sky when they make it back, and Luke doesn’t want this blissful day to end just yet, so he asks a question that he already knows the answer to. “Have you ever built a snowman?”
“Luke, I haven’t even seen this much snow in my entire life, you think I’ve built a snowman?” Julie responds back with a chuckle.
“I dunno! Maybe you took a vacation when you were younger to somewhere with actual seasons to get the full experience of snow.”
Julie shakes her head, both in laughter and as a response to his question.
“Well, it wouldn’t be a full winter experience if we don’t build one.”
He shows her how to start her own snowball, packing in the snow between his bare hands to create a small lump and how to roll it around on the fresh snow surrounding the area. They manage to make three very lopsided spheres, only for the second one to fall apart as they attempt to lift it up to stack it on top of the other.
Their second attempt goes a little better when they decide to scale down the size of their snowman to a more handheld version.
By their third try, Luke’s pretty sure he can’t feel his hands anymore, but the laughter falling from Julie’s lips are heavenly and he selfishly wants to hear that sound a million times over. They finally manage to stack the three snowballs on top of each other without any incident.
As he puts the finishing pieces onto their creation, he feels a breeze by his neck and then there’s snow running down his back along with Julie’s giggles drifting away from him.
“Did you just-” He’s bouncing around, trying to get the snow out from the back of his shirt and twitching in a way that must look ridiculous. “Oh, you’re asking for it now.”
He scoops up a handful of snow and the singer must realize what he’s about to do and her eyes go wide as she bolts away to hide behind a car.
Luke’s got the advantage of having grown up navigating the snow and his longer legs make it easy to catch up to her. So when he corners her by the stairs, he drops the handful of snow he was holding, and instead wraps his arms around Juile’s waist. There’s a squeal of his name as he spins them both until he purposefully falls onto the powdered snow, his body cushioning the blow for Julie and laughter peeling out of both their mouths.
They lay on the ground a little longer, Julie using him as a barrier between her and the snow, wild curls splayed out over his shoulder. He can smell her peach shampoo with every intake and the warmth of her body helping him ignore the wetness seeping through his jacket.
When he hears her teeth chattering, he realizes that she’s not exactly wearing the right kind of clothes for them to be out so long and he pushes himself off the ground, pulling Julie up with him and they head back inside to defrost and change out of their wet clothes.
They spend the rest of the afternoon sitting in the living room by the fireplace, workshopping songs on his acoustic and scribbling out new lyrics as the snow outside picks up again. Julie’s made them some hot cocoa with just a splash of vanilla and cinnamon, and they managed to find some of Willie’s freshly-baked holiday cookies sitting in a container on the counter.
When Julie leaves the room to FaceTime her family, he thinks back to their conversation at the park. Watching the parents play with their kids, their hands needlessly intertwined, and how everything he said about having a family and making it work really all just meant I want to have a family with you .
If Julie notices that he’s quieter than usual when she sits back down, she doesn’t comment on it.
Alex and Willie find them a couple hours later when the sun has started to set, still sprawled across the floor surrounded by ripped pieces of paper and plates filled with cookie crumbs. They decide to order dinner from an Italian restaurant a couple blocks from the townhouse and he and Julie volunteer to go pick it up.
The distance between the restaurant and Willie’s place isn’t too far, and they easily slip into a conversation about the lyrics they had written this afternoon and which ones they’d like to show the label when they get back to L.A.
Once they’ve picked up the food, bags in hand, they head back.
The wind from this afternoon has finally died down, and the snow is floating down gently around them as they walk along the empty street, a silence hanging between the two of them that doesn’t feel like it needs to be broken. The snow-covered sidewalk glistens under the streetlights, and Luke is overcome with a feeling of peace that he doesn’t think he’s felt in a very long time.
It’s the kind of peace he wishes he could have had when he ran away from home.
It’s the kind of peace he wishes he could have felt when he finally got a confession from Bobby that he stole his songs.
It’s the kind of peace he wishes he could capture in his songwriting when he writes alone.
And maybe this peace he’s feeling has something to do with the girl by his side, who’s stuck by him through all of that and more.
The same girl who’s curls are currently tucked into his orange beanie and eyes marvelling at the falling snow. Where the light that’s reflecting off of the ground is making her look ethereal and illuminating the smile stretched across her face as she catches snowflakes in her hands.
No. It has nothing to do with Julie.
It can’t have anything to do with her, because if he acknowledges it, that means he’s finally admitting it to himself after all these years of them being friends, and he doesn’t think he can handle it if she doesn’t feel the same way.
But what if she does? his heart sings back every time he thinks about telling her how he feels. He hates that he listens to his logic more times than he does with his heart, but it’s what keeps him out of trouble.
He slows his walking, letting Julie pull ahead a little and he feels the heat of affection in his chest again when she steps under a streetlight. And for some reason, his mind betrays him in that moment and lets his heart speak and he’s whispering out loud, “Have you always been this beautiful?”
Luke doesn’t think she’s heard him, but he’s got her movements memorized, and he notices when Julie’s steps falter a little.
An uncomfortable silence grows, filling the empty distance between them and filtering through the parked cars and garbage bins sitting around them on the street.
She breaks the silence first. “You can’t say stuff like that, Luke.”
Ouch. His voice comes out more gravelly than he expects. “Why not? It’s the truth.”
“It’s just -” she huffs out a breath, eyes still refusing to meet his and her fingers fidgeting with the ends of the sleeves on her jacket. It’s a telltale sign that she’s running through a million different sentences in her mind, carefully trying to find the right one for the moment, and he knows that he’s fucked up.
He didn’t mean to say it out loud. Really. It just came out and he can’t take it back. He doesn’t want to take it back because he means it.
“Hey,” he breathes out after a minute, and chocolate-brown eyes meet his own, “Dance with me?”
“What?”
He extends his hand, palm up, towards her, “Dance with me, Jules.”
A soft smile spreads across her face, and he knows that she knows that he’s deflecting and trying to fix the awkwardness of the situation.
“We should really head back or else the food’s going to get cold.”
“Eh, Alex and Reggie can wait. I think we should dance.”
“Well-” He sees her eyes scan the area around them, looking for another excuse. “- there’s no music.”
His eyes roll and he shoves his hand into his pocket and pulls out his Airpods. He flips the lid open and pulls one out for himself, and he extends the other one out to her. “That’s never stopped us before.”
He hates seeing the hesitation in Julie, and he’s not sure why she’s suddenly standing rigid in front of him. They’ve done this thousands of times before, granted it’s usually when the boys are around, but whenever things got too intense during tour, one of them would turn to the other with a knowing look in their eyes and they’d drop everything and just block out the world for the duration of a song and dance.
Some days, it was a slow dance in the middle of an empty venue. Sometimes it’d be jumping around to a loud rock song on their tour bus. More often than not, you could find them in the empty parking lot of the venue or hotel, just swaying to the sounds of cars passing by.
It was always just something they did with each other when the world got a little too much.
And maybe it was also something Luke selfishly did because all he wanted to do was make her laugh into his chest, with his arms wrapped around her tiny body holding her close, feeling her heartbeat run through his body.
But this? This moment feels different. There’s an electricity in the air that’s unexplainable, charged and uncertain. Like there’s too much of everything that he’s left unsaid over the past few years just waiting to burst out.
Julie gives a little shake of her head and grabs the remaining Airpod, sliding it into her ear and placing her hand in his outstretched one. He smiles back at her and pulls out his phone, scrolling to one of his voice notes that he has hidden deep in his files and presses play.
The opening chords fill their ears, and he intertwines their fingers, placing his other hand on the curve of her waist and he starts to hum along under his breath.
May my hands be the hands you hold onto,
When you let go of everything else.
May my arms be the arms that you fall into,
When the night gets too heavy to hold by yourself
“Is this a new song?” Julie’s eyebrows are furrowed in concentration, and she’s peering up at him through her lashes that are catching the falling snow.
“Yeah, uh, it’s just something I was working on. I think I need another verse somewhere.”
They continue swaying under the falling snow and the glow of the streetlights, listening to the lyrics and melody that he’s written in secret about the girl in his arms.
“Who’s it about?” Her voice is so quiet, inquisitive, that it catches him off-guard.
Off-guard enough for his heart to take the lead once again and he whispers out his confession. “You.”
It’s one word, but it rings out around them like an echo in an abandoned cave.
Fuck, he’s said it. There’s no taking it back now.
“Luke…” her hand pushes against his chest, creating a space that feels like a chasm between them, and she takes the Airpod out of her ear, stopping the track.
His hand chases her, reaching for something to fill the emptiness created by her absence. “I know. I know we said that dating while we were in the band together was going to be a bad idea, but fuck . We were 17 when we promised the band- each other that.”
Julie doesn’t say anything, just worrying her bottom lip with her teeth and fiddling with the earpiece between her fingers.
He sucks in a breath, the brisk air shooting into his body giving him enough adrenaline to lift his hand up to her jawline, cupping it gently, thumb brushing against her cheek. “We’ve been dancing around us for so long Jules, and I know I wasn’t supposed to, but it didn’t mean I didn’t fall in love with you along the way. Pretty sure I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”
Once the words leave his lips, he feels exposed. Like he’s divulged this deep dark secret that he’s held onto for so long and he’s putting himself on display for her to see.
Luke can’t tell what she’s thinking until she lets out a sigh and her eyes lift back up to meet his. “Me too.”
“I- wait, did you say me too?” He blinks back at her, and there’s a small smile on her lips.
“I think- I think I fell in love with you too, Luke.” Her hand moves from her pockets, reaching for his and he lets her intertwine their fingers together in the space between their bodies. “And I think I have always been a little in love with you.”
"What..." He exhales, not realizing that he's been holding his breath in anticipation the entire time since his confession. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"
Julie's eyes close for a brief moment, as if she's gathering her thoughts, and when she finally opens them there's a look that he can't quite place until she breathes out, "To be honest, I was a little scared that you didn't feel the same way I did about you. You were my best friend first and I couldn't lose that, especially not after Mom died. And the band y'know? What if we tried the whole dating thing and it fell apart? I couldn't do that to Reggie and Alex, they're my family too. So I just... never said it out loud."
He can't believe what he's hearing, because it's exactly the same reasoning that he's been telling himself all these years. The same fears he's held onto were the same ones that Julie has had and it makes him want to laugh at the universe for making it so simple to explain.
"And.... you're you." She lifts their clasped hands to vaguely gesture at his body, "Luke Patterson. Hot guitarist of Julie and the Phantoms. I don't think I wanted to deal with all those girls throwing themselves at you every night, I couldn't compete with that."
He huffs out a laugh at the shyness laced in her voice and rolls his eyes. "Well, guess what? You're Julie Molina. A wrecking ball of talent and the brightest star in my galaxy, I only have eyes for you."
The smile that grows on Julie's face is soft and loving as she peers up at him through the falling snow, and there's a sense of giddiness bubbling around them like they've just come out of hibernation and are ready for a brand new start. And there's a stillness now as he holds her tiny body close to him, like the noise in his head has finally found its rhythm, their heartbeats beating in sync.
They rest their foreheads against each other, breathe ghosting across each other’s cheeks and there’s really only one thing Luke wants to do. “Can I kiss you?”
And it’s Julie who circles her arms around his neck and closes the distance between them, her lips parting to meet his. It’s far from perfect, their lips cold and chapped from the wind, but it’s passionate and filled with want from all the years of waiting.
The grumble of Luke’s stomach breaks them apart when Julie laughs into their kiss and he hears himself groan at the loss of her mouth on his.
“C’mon Patterson, I don’t think you can wait for the food.” she teases as she pulls away towards the bench they left their dinner on, “We’ve got time for all this later.”
They gather the bags of food and slip their hands back into each others. Julie goes to take a step, but something's finally clicked in his head that makes him stop, their linked hands acting like a bungee cord. “So you’re telling me we both spent all these years pining after each other and being too afraid to say it? God, the boys are never going to let me forget this."
Julie giggles at the incredulous tone in his voice and she steps closer to press a kiss on his cheek in consolation. “If it helps, Flynn will definitely remind us that we’re idiots every time she sees us now. I have a feeling she and the boys knew way before we did. We're both just a little clueless when it comes to each other.”
And as she pulls him forward in the direction they came in back to the house, he doesn't even mind that his friends will inevitably tease him about this for the rest of his life, because he's got Julie by his side and that's all he really cares about.
They get back to Willie’s place 40 minutes later than they were supposed to, stepping into the warmth of the house with red noses and faces flushed. He’s not sure if it’s from the cold or if it’s from the euphoria, but he really doesn’t care enough to figure that out.
Reggie’s already waiting by the door and he wrestles the food from their hands immediately, and Alex looks like he’s about to berate them about how long it took, but one look at their intertwined hands keeps him quiet.
While they kick off their boots and shed the layers of winter accessories, he finally figures out what that song he wrote is missing, it's been in front of him all this time - Julie’s voice and her harmonies layered in with his.
Just like two snowflakes melting into each other, indicating a new beginning.