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It's been almost three years since he last performed with his members. It's been almost a year since he pushed his way into the world of the singles, the ones without members to share the burden of a late night worry for the comeback the next morning or the late night talks reminiscing the feeling of being together on stage. The world of the solos—to test his abilities and his career to the limits he's ready to go beyond.
On the stage, he stands loud and proud of the hard work he has done. Donghyuck faces the crowd, for the nth time tonight.
"Are you having fun?" Donghyuck shouts into the mic as a deafening response from the crowd erupts.
Donghyuck grins and eyes the people in front of him—thousands of people. He's always dreamed of having a solo album but he was too young back then to have the company give him the solo he obviously deserved but with sheer hard work and persuasion, he succeeded in convincing the CEO to give him a solo debut.
It took literal blood, sweat, and tears to get there. But it was worth it. With the crowd cheering for him and chanting his name, he could proudly say it was all worth it.
"Thank you all so much for coming to the show tonight. It's such a great honor to be able to perform here in front of you, guys," his smile doesn't waver even as the crowd goes louder.
Being able to perform on stage is one thing but being able to show the whole world what he's capable of is something else. The freedom he has on stage and the control only he can make to himself as he shows everyone that cheering for him is worth all the while.
"I hope that my music can help you and inspire you in any way possible," he says, eyeing the crowd, "if I can or my music happens to be the help you've been trying to look for, then I can say that I have successfully succeeded in life."
The crowd never ceases, they just become louder, changing from screams and shout of joy to a powerful chant of his name.
"Haechan! Haechan! Haechan!"
Donghyuck loves every second of it. He feels light as if he's on cloud nine, floating amidst the breeze and the warmth of the sun and then on the ground, with the feeling of the dirt escaping in the webs of his toe fingers, soft and grounding making him feel reality and fantasy at the same time.
"Are you ready for the next song?" he shouts again, holding out the mic to the audience and gets screams as a response.
"Okay! The next song is Puzzle Piece."
The first note of a guitar plays and Donghyuck gets a sense of fondness that never fails to be there when he hears the song. It's been long since he performed it with his members. The last time being in a concert before Jisung has to go for the required enlistment in the military. It's quite fitting if you were to ask him. Puzzle Piece. He's singing the song again. This time, he's alone, without the puzzle pieces he has yet to have to be complete. His puzzle pieces that taught him how to be young like a child whose only care in the world is what they would have to play the next time they go out of their house and be mature like an old soul who knows how to handle any inconvenience in their life.
His voice, dubbed as a melody you want to hear, smooth and sweet like honey, resonated inside the massive dome that is the concert hall.
"You're my missing puzzle piece. Finally I solved it. You filled every piece of my heart, even the scarred part of it to the fullest. And somehow you’ve become my everything"
How ironic, he thinks. The song tells a story of a puzzle being completed as it finally found it's missing pieces and yet he's singing the song as he misses all the missing pieces in his own puzzle of a heart.
"My missing puzzle piece."
And between all the missing pieces in the form of his best friends, his members he loves so dearly, there is a bigger piece that he's been keeping empty but never letting anyone fill it. Even as close as the original piece, he never lets it be filled. He believes that a puzzle has a perfect piece for each void and with his own puzzle, a Mark shaped piece can only be placed on it.
Everyday he misses his soulmate, he never stopped calling him his soulmate as he believes soulmates never leave you even if you're miles away from each other.
The crowd cheers again as he finishes the last line and the last note of the song ends. They never fail to cheer and Donghyuck wonders if their throats hurt from all the shouting even before the show started.
Donghyuck grins at the crowd, "With this song, come with me and I'll walk you home."
This time, the cheers aren't as hard as before but it doesn't mean it isn't as loud. Donghyuck knows it's a crowd favorite, Walk You Home. It's a personal favorite too. He never fails to remember the time he got shoved by Jaemin during a live with all '00 of Dream all those years ago. It's a fond memory he plans to keep until the end of time.
"We’re here, goodbye, get home safe, oh yeah yeah. I’m gonna watch you go inside so hurry and go in. After your pretty back disappears, I turn around and I start to miss you already"
He remembers the time he recorded the song for the first time when he was in the ripe age of seventeen. His voice wasn’t as deep as it is now, but as sweet and smooth. He was told by the producer that he wants Haechan to sing the ending line of the song.
"I want you to sing the last line. You have a voice so soft and warm that has an effect of making the listeners want to listen to the song all over again." The producer had said to him which caused him to shy away but not without a fire of pride igniting in him.
Donghyuck, now, still agrees with it. He has been told so many times that this is the specific song they would want to repeatedly listen to. It's a comforting song, he would like to admit—like a rest after a whole day of work and exhaustion; the comfort of a friend as you walk on the streets that you've grown to know like the back of your hand ever since you were a kid running along with your friends; the comfort of a summer breeze whispering a promise of a warm day on the slightest sunburn of your skin. It's like a friend willing to be with you no matter what trouble you get into. A friend willing to tolerate your stubbornness even if you make them want to go back home after all the nights of training under the dim lights of the practice room, on the shiny floor that makes your shoe squeak, in front of a blue and white backdrop that's been there ever since. Like the constant presence of a friend who's been with you since you were both young yet mature enough to sacrifice your life as a student to become the greatest artist to live.
Donghyuck loves this song as he remembers all the memories he's made with all the friends he has come to love so much for him to call them his family. He loves this song as much as he loves the memories he's made with the person he loves the most.
"Later, at 2pm, let’s meet there again.”
Donghyuck sure hopes they get to meet again.
The crowd erupts to cheers again. Donghyuck smiles widely as he walks the long runway of the huge stage, back to the main.
"It's been fun performing in front of you but unfortunately, this is my last song for the night," Donghyuck says, sadly but eager to know his fans' reaction.
As expected, the response he got wasn't loud cheers and chants of his name. Instead he hears the crowd's sad response of a no and a lot more no's.
Donghyuck smiles sadly as he doesn't want this to end as well. But as what they say that never gets old, all good things must come to an end.
"It's okay, we'll meet again next time," he says with a grin on his face as the lights from the lightstick the fans had belovedly held all throughout the concert flickers it's green light making it look like a bunch of twinkling stars in the vast space of the universe outside the earth. Donghyuck is endeared as always.
"I have a last song to sing anyway!"
And just like that the crowd erupts to screams again.
"This song may not be my own song, but it holds a special space in my heart," he starts, his fans cooing in response, "and besides, this is a happy song so no one gets sad and we're all happy when we go home, okay?"
Donghyuck grins wider as the audience responds with a yes accompanied by a scream.
"Okay! Music please!"
With the first note coming through his in-ear, Donghyuck gets struck by a familiar feeling of nostalgia and sweet memories of a boy he holds close to his heart, from the very beginning until now. Of a boy as young as he was, wearing a red snapback, a white hoodie that he loved so much, sweatpants that he had used too much; a boy with eyes that held galaxies in them and chubby cheeks that Donghyuck loved to squeeze like a marshmallow fresh from its plastic, holding a mic as he sings their first duo song ever. To a young man, still wearing a snapback but this time it’s backwards, a suit jacket and pants too big for him, a scarf hanging on his neck, eyes still holding galaxies in them but the time seem to let him gather all other celestial bodies as they seem to shine brighter than in the past years Donghyuck has known them, and cheeks now prominent and high, still holding a mic as he sings their first duo song ever.
The familiar tune of Billionaire rings through his ear and he can't help but remember all the times he spent with his best friend, his soulmate, his Mark. All the good times that promised a strong friendship and all the bad times that promised a stronger one.
It's been almost eight years since he last performed this song. It's been almost five years since his best friend, his soulmate, and his other half retired from the group. Mark's farewell was a sad goodbye, something Donghyuck never thought he would be feeling earlier—they did promise to stay together and retire together in the end—but things don't always go as planned. Mark didn't just leave the group, he left his best friend too. But Donghyuck needed to continue his career, he did make a promise he didn't want to break just yet.
Even if it costs leaving the biggest part of his puzzle empty.
Donghyuck chose this song as his last song as he wants to dedicate this stage to the boy he has grown to love in all the years they spent together. The boy who made him feel as if everything, even the ones beyond your reach is possible to achieve. The boy who taught him that being alone is okay as long as you know that there are people out there willing to give all their love and support to you and everything you do. The boy he grew up with in the spacious room of the practice room in the basement of their company's building as they dance their way to the top of the evaluation list. The boy he got to comfort as he cries from exhaustion and desire to come see and visit his hometown. The boy he gets to cuddle with when darkness covers the sky above, as they whisper promises of togetherness and long lasting friendship. The boy he has grown to love so much he thinks he'll never find a love akin to the one he feels for him. The boy he gets to call his best friend, his soulmate, Mark Lee.
Donghyuck imagines what it would feel like if he were to perform with him. On stage, side by side as the blinding lights shine upon them with the deafening cheers of their fans that are thankfully muffled by their in-ears. Every day, every performance he does, he thinks of the promise he and Mark had whispered to each other.
"Let's work together, the two of us. So we get to perform around the world. Together."
A promise he so desperately tries to reach. Maybe not in the way that he gets to perform with Mark, but as a promise of reaching his dreams with the memories of his love. He gets to think about Mark, what it would be like talking to him on stage about everything and nothing as the crowd watch them look at each other like they hung the stars and the sun in the sky. What it would be like to conquer the beating drums of their heart as they show the world what they are capable of. But that never comes. It’s just him and his desolated dreams of Mark and him. But it’s okay, at least he gets to talk about Mark on stage, talk about him in a way a poet describes a moment in time, a flower on their hand, a lover in their heart.
“I wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad. Buy all of the things I never had.”
He sings the song like a familiar memory. The lyrics flow beyond his lips, similar to the smooth and calm movement of water on a riverbank. Like the familiar warmth of a young man who held him against his chest on nights they were both seeking for comfort. Like the familiar feeling of having someone to reach your dreams together. He sings it like it’s the only song he knows in his heart.
“Oh, every time I close my eyes, I see my name in shining lights.”
They both have dreamed of seeing their names, the two of them, on small cards to bigger billboards in bold letters, Mark & Haechan. To show the world they did it. They are superstars, separately as Mark and as Haechan but with the two of them together as one, Mark and Haechan, they are unstoppable. But now Donghyuck tries to reach that dream by himself, no Mark, no other unstoppable force beside him. Nevertheless, he does it without hesitation, pushing himself through the crowd of groups, people who get to share their dreams with someone they promised a success with. He does it like he’s not alone in the vast sea of people admiring him and only him, as if he’s not the only one they’re cheering for. For the reason that for him, he wasn’t alone—Mark was here, in his heart. Forever in his heart. Even without Mark’s knowledge, every accomplishment of him is an accomplishment for Mark, an accomplishment for their dream.
“The world better prepare for when I'm a billionaire—”
Donghyuck hears it before he sees it. The familiar voice of a reminder of the past, a voice he had listened to ever since he was thirteen, when he first entered the basement’s practice room. The same voice who had introduced himself as Mark Lee from Canada, the same voice who had said he still had to practice some moves so they still can’t go home and Donghyuck had to wait, the same voice who had told him secrets of the past under the blankets and on the bottom part part of their shared bunk, the same voice who had said they will conquer the world together, the same voice who had said farewell as he will have to retire from the group earlier than they all expected—much earlier than what Donghyuck had expected.
“I would have a show like Oprah. I would be the host of Everyday Christmas, give Mark Lee your wish list”
The crowd screams boom inside the huge dome making it as if it was a small concert hall instead. Donghyuck is confused, is he hearing things? Are his in-ears on the verge of breaking? Is he hearing it right? Before he’s able to continue the questions running around in his mind, the voice he heard resounds in his ears. He whips his head around, looking for a man his heart had been longing for a while and his eyes fall on a man, not taller than he is, still the same face with his boyish features that seemed to never go away, his cheeks prominent as ever, his eyes that still hold all galaxies and all of universe in them. Donghyuck feels his heart burst at the sight; he is rendered speechless. He eyes the man smiling sheepishly at him, the same smile Donghyuck loved—still loves even after all these years. The man walks across the stage, walks to stand beside him and smiles widely, shyly but at the same with the same pride and bravery he had in him when it was his time performing on stage with Donghyuck and the others. Their eyes lock for a moment and Donghyuck feels his smile stretch wider on his face.
“It’s been a while, Donghyuck-ah.”
And just like that, Donghyuck feels like he’s the happiest man in the whole universe, simple as that. He feels as if he’s on cloud nine again but this time he’s not alone, beside him is the man he so longingly waited to be with again, smiling at him with the same fondness and sparkle that Donghyuck fell in love with, eyes filled with contentment—but a sorry filled eyes. As if he wants to convey that he’s sorry for something that Donghyuck isn't sure about, maybe it’s because of the promises made together but never done together? Maybe it’s when he left when they both swore under the stars they would do everything together… Donghyuck thinks he’s being absurd, he doesn’t mind all of that. He’s thought about them, yes. But he would always welcome his love with open arms, just like he always did.
Mark continues with the rap and Donghyuck feels everything at once—the beating of his heart, the beats of the song through his ear, the presence of a Mark Lee, real and bright like he never was missing for a moment in his life. He feels the love the crowd emits as they fire up the dome with energy like no other, they’re probably thinking the same thing as he does but at the same time just wants the fun to continue. It feels like a dream—he’s afraid he would be shaken up from his sleep and everything was just a beautifully painful dream. But he’s awakened from his reverie at once by a familiar warmth on his side, and a shoulder around his back. He looks at Mark who was already looking at him as he finishes his part. Donghyuck smiles, this is real.
“Oh, every time I close my eyes (What you see, what you see) I see my name in shining lights (Shining lights, aye)”
They never once looked away from the eyes of the other and then they’re back, they’re thirteen and fourteen again, under the dim lights of the basement practice room, just the two of them with the music reverberating around the spacious room.
Donghyuck grins as he sings the last part of the song.
“I wanna be a billionaire”
Mark grins back and everything is the same— familiar and Donghyuck never wants to let go.
“How bad?”
“So freaking bad.”
Their smiles never waver and Donghyuck doesn’t waste any time and flings his whole body on Mark, hugging him tightly, never wanting to let go and Mark does the same, he wraps his arms around Donghyuck’s body as he buries his face on the crook of Donghyuck’s shoulder.
Donghyuck feels a Mark shaped heart being placed in between his puzzle. It’s whole again, with Mark finally here, no matter how long or how short it might be, it doesn’t matter as long as he’s finally complete again. It’s warm, it’s familiar, like all those nights spent together cuddling on their bed. A magic that’s welding sparks of tenderness inside of their heart. The cheers of the fans never come to an end, but the two seem to not care at all, especially not Donghyuck, they have each other now, that’s the only thing he cares about.
“I missed you and I’m sorry,” Mark whispers close to Donghyuck’s ear.
Donghyuck responds with a tighter hug as he caresses the back of Mark’s head.
“It's okay, we’re here, together like we’ve always wanted to and there’s nothing else I could ask for.”