Work Text:
Natasha never realized how much she hated lying about the scars on her body until she didn’t have to do it anymore. Though a seemingly minor thing, it was absolutely something she appreciated about her relationship with Maria. Natasha no longer had to try and pass off her scars as perfectly reasonable everyday accidents.
She had once managed to convince a lover that the scar on her abdomen, a through and through bullet wound from an encounter with the Winter Soldier, was the result of a knitting accident. They bought it, of course, because Natasha lies for a living and Natasha is good at what she does. But it could be more than a little exhausting at times.
The only thing Natasha had to worry about when it came to Maria and the marks on her body was the fact that Maria had been there for most of them, and Maria knew exactly how bad they had been. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, Natasha wakes to feel Maria absently tracing the scars on her body. Sometimes, when Natasha bares her skin, Maria will get this look in her eyes. Because Maria knows that one day there will be a wound that will be the end of her, a wound that won’t have a chance to heal and turn into another scar for Natasha’s collection.
The marks on Natasha’s skin are a constant reminder of exactly how dangerous their daily lives are.
Of course, Maria has her own scars. Scars that trigger memories that make it hard for Natasha to breathe sometimes. There is a particular one below Maria’s right breast that makes Natasha cold every single time she sees it. (Maria died for two minutes and fourty nine seconds once, and that scar never lets Natasha forget.)
Maria’s body is a map of old pains and close calls, just like Natasha’s, but she is mostly safe now. Maria is rarely in the middle of the action these days; odds are incredibly high that she will survive the almost daily battles that they fight against gods and monsters and the evil that lives in the hearts of men. Whereas most of the time when Natasha makes it home it feels like a god damned miracle.
It is one such miraculous night when Natasha makes it back to SHIELD to find Maria waiting for her when she steps off of the quinjet. Natasha is covered in dirt and blood, carefully holding her hand against her abdomen, and she moves towards Maria as quickly as her injuries will allow. Natasha is filthy, covered in blood and barely standing, and Maria takes one look at her and lifts the smaller woman into her arms.
Natasha would normally protest, and Maria would normally respect the fact that there is a very specific persona that Natasha tries to maintain at SHIELD. But Maria has spent too many hours watching their battle and Natasha has spent the better part of the day fighting an idiot with a mind controlled dragon set on world domination. Neither of them is in the mood for Natasha’s slow, limping journey down to medical.
“Are you alright?” Maria asks quietly. There is a dangerous edge in her voice, but Natasha knows it’s not directed at her.
“I’ll be fine,” Natasha promises. “This wasn’t his fault, Masha.”
“Bullshit,” Maria growls, and Natasha sighs. “I’ll deal with him later; let's get you down to medical and get that wound taken care of.”
If Steve had just kept walking Natasha is certain that Maria would have ignored him. She would have let it go for now and just focused on making sure Natasha was ok.
But Steve doesn’t keep walking.
Natasha groans softly as he approaches them. Her entire body hurts and she is exhausted. Natasha just wants to get her stomach looked at to appease Maria and then go home. She glances towards the elevator and debates asking Maria to put her down. She could get her trip to medical taken care of while Maria and Steve argue about her injury, and whether or not it could have been avoided.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” Maria demands before Steve even has a chance to say hello, and Natasha makes her peace with staying to make sure Maria doesn't murder him.
Steve blinks, confused by Maria’s fury, and he glances at Natasha for just a second before refocusing on her. “We needed a distraction. Someone had to keep it occupied while–”
“And your first thought,” Maria interrupts, her voice rising, “was Natasha? You thought she would be the best option to distract a fucking dragon ?! Not the god or the monster or the man in a fucking literal suit of armour?”
Natasha sighs. “Masha. Enough.” Her voice is soft as she pulls out the one thing she knows Maria won't be able to ignore. “Can we just go get this dealt with so I can go home?”
Maria looks at her helplessly. She knows exactly what Natasha is doing; that this is mostly just an attempt to force Maria to stop yelling at Steve for his idiocy. But Maria can also see the tightness around the edges of Natasha’s eyes, and the careful way that she’s holding so still. Natasha is in a lot of pain, and Maria needs to get her taken care of.
"Of course,” Maria agrees immediately, and she doesn’t spare so much as a glance in Steve’s direction as they turn towards the elevator.
Chief medical officer Rana Nazri carefully lifts the top half of Natasha’s suit, and removes the bandage the Avengers applied in the field. She sighs when she sees how extensive the damage to Natasha’s abdomen is. “Why can’t you ever just come to me with something easy, like a broken bone?” Rana asks as she begins to clean the wound. “Why is it always punctured lungs and weird alien poisons and dragon attacks with you?”
“Just lucky, I guess,” Natasha says with a shrug.
“I don’t think that word means what you think it means,” Rana mutters, and Natasha laughs.
Maria stands out of the way and she watches as Rana carefully tends to Natasha’s injury. Maria listens to their easy back and forth and tries not to think too hard about the fact that Natasha was almost eaten by a dragon. A fucking dragon .
“You’re going to need to take it easy for at least three weeks,” Rana says as she ties off the last stitch and bandages Natasha’s stomach, and Natasha scoffs. “Three weeks, Natasha! Be thankful you heal so fast; with anyone else it would be at least eight.”
“I’ll make sure she rests,” Maria promises, and she smiles at the annoyed look Natasha gives her as Rana moves on to her lesser injuries. Maria’s com crackles to life as someone demands her attention, and Natasha smiles sadly at the conflicted look on her face.
“Go, I’ll be fine,” Natasha promises. “I’ll go straight home once Rana is done with me.”
Maria hesitates for just a moment and the voice in her ear gets more frantic. Maria taps her earpiece. “Alright, I’ll be right there,” she snaps, and she gives Natasha an apologetic look. “I’ll be home as soon as I can. I’m sorry.”
Natasha tilts her head up to accept Maria’s kiss. “It’s ok.”
Maria kisses her once more, gets Natasha to promise she won’t try and drive herself home, and thanks Rana before she leaves. This is how their jobs work, unfortunately. Natasha and the others put out the fire, and then Maria cleans up the mess they leave in their wake.
Natasha stirs as Maria lifts her from the couch, and she blinks up at her girlfriend. “Hey,” Natasha murmurs sleepily. “What time is it?”
“It’s a bit after three.” Maria’s reply is soft as she cradles Natasha against her chest and moves them towards the bedroom.
Natasha hums. “How did it go?”
“God, don’t even get me started.”
Maria gently lays Natasha down on their bed, and Natasha pushes up onto her elbows to watch Maria move around their bedroom. She winces a bit as the motion pulls at the stitches across her side and Natasha is thankful that Maria happens to be digging through the dresser when it happens.
“I appreciate that you guys didn’t kill it, but I have no idea what the fuck we’re going to do with this dragon.” Maria shakes her head. “We have it contained in one of the lower level cells for now until we find a better solution. We made it as comfortable as we could, poor thing. Hopefully they can figure out where it came from so we can get it back home. Otherwise we’re going to just.. have a fucking dragon, I guess.”
Natasha smiles. “Clint will love that.”
Maria groans as she changes into an oversized shirt to sleep in. “Barton already named the damn thing. He sends his love, by the way.”
“He sends his love?” Natasha cocks an eyebrow and Maria shugs.
“His exact words were something about you guys learning how to ride the dragon? I don’t know. I may have tuned him out. But he hopes you’re back on your feet soon.”
“...So I can ride the dragon with him? The dragon that tried to eviscerate me?” Natasha looks at Maria like she’s lost her damned mind.
Maria chuckles as she crawls into bed. “He’s your best friend, babe, not mine. Don’t act like I’m the one who should be explaining his insanity.”
Natasha relaxes back against the bed and Maria doesn’t miss the wince of pain this time, or Natasha’s quiet groan. “I’m fine,” Natasha says before Maria can ask. “It just hurts a bit.”
“The last time you said something hurt ‘a bit’ your tibia was sticking out of your leg.”
“Yeah." Natasha frowns at the memory. "That wasn’t awesome.”
Maria sighs deeply. “Will you please just take your pain medication?”
“It makes me loopy. I can’t.. what if something happens?”
“Then I’ll deal with it,” Maria promises calmly.
There is no greater proof of how much Natasha trusts Maria than the fact that she simply considers Maria for a moment before taking her medication.
Maria kisses Natasha’s shoulder once she lays back down. “How’s it feeling, aside from hurting ‘a bit’?”
“It’s alright.”
Maria sits up and reaches for the hem of Natasha’s shirt. “May I?” Natasha nods and Maria shifts to sit near Natasha’s hip so she can see the injury properly.
There is a bandage wrapped around Natasha’s abdomen, covering the three large gashes that extend from the right of her belly button and around to her ribs. Courtesy of the small dragon currently hanging out in one of SHIELD's cells. Maria leans over so she can press a soft kiss to the skin above Natasha’s bandage. Maria also kisses the spot where the scar from Bucky’s bullet is, on the other side of Natasha’s belly button, for good measure. Maria can't see it through the bandage, but she knows it's there.
Natasha hums soothingly as Maria carefully rests her head against Natasha’s stomach and exhales softly.
“I’m ok,” Natasha says quietly as she strokes her fingers through Maria’s hair.
Maria doesn’t respond. Instead she pushes Natasha’s shirt a little bit higher to kiss the thin line across the middle of her chest (an old knife wound). Maria’s lips linger against the scar as she remembers how much blood there was that day. It was a lot, but it was nothing compared to today.
“I didn’t think you were getting back up,” Maria murmurs.
“Masha..”
Maria does not meet Natasha’s concerned gaze, instead she focuses her attention on the scars littered across Natasha’s body. Maria kisses the starburst pattern on her shoulder (an alien energy weapon) and the half crescent marks along Natasha’s palm (clenching her nails into her hand the day that Maria died). Maria brushes her thumb against the faint line on Natasha’s upper lip (a Hydra agent with brass knuckles) before she kisses Natasha carefully, and Natasha whimpers softly.
Maria kisses the corner of Natasha’s mouth and the spot below Natasha’s ear that makes her breath catch each time before she moves to kiss the matching half crescent marks on Natasha’s other palm. Maria takes her time, kissing each scar and reminding herself that Natasha is a survivor. And eventually she presses her lips against the pulse point in Natasha’s throat just to feel the steady beat of her heart. Or, at least, what should be the steady beat of her heart. Natasha’s heartbeat races beneath Maria’s lips and she hums against Natasha’s skin.
“Sorry.” The word is a hushed exhale, and Natasha presses her hand against the back of Maria’s head.
“You only need to be sorry if you stop.”
Maria closes her eyes, and all she sees is the moment Natasha collapsed.
Natasha had been trying to draw the dragon away from some civilians, trying to keep it distracted while the others moved to attack it from behind, and it moved faster than a creature that size had any right to move. One moment Natasha was a safe distance away, and the next the dragon was beside her. Maria could only watch helplessly on the monitors as the dragon’s massive claw darted forward. Natasha’s blood arced through the air and she spun as she fell. And while the other Avengers moved in on the dragon and the medics rushed to her side, Natasha lay unmoving in a quickly expanding pool of her own blood.
(Maria is always astounded by how much blood is actually in that little body. Maria knows, logically, how much blood the human body holds. But when it’s seeping out of the woman she loves it always seems like more blood than any one person could possibly carry inside of them.)
Natasha tightens her grip on Maria’s neck, her nails pressing into Maria’s skin, and the sharp pinch of pain helps pull Maria out of her memories. “I’m ok.” Natasha repeats gently.
This time , Maria thinks. But she doesn't say anything. Instead she parts her lips and presses her teeth against Natasha’s throat. She holds there for a moment, resisting the urge to bite down, and Natasha’s fingernails scratch against Maria’s skin as her hand spasms.
“Rana will kill us if we pull your stitches,” Maria murmurs as she tries to move away from Natasha’s throat.
“You can restitch it if I do,” Natasha counters. She doesn't relax her grip on the back of Maria’s neck, preventing Maria from easily pulling away from her.
“She’ll notice. You know she'll notice.”
“I don't care.”
Maria snorts. “The last time we pulled your stitches you threw me under the bus so fast .”
“She's kind of terrifying when she wants to be. And, besides, you're Rana’s favourite. She forgives you faster than she forgives me.”
Maria's huff of laughter is a soft exhale against the skin of Natasha’s throat. "Sure."
Natasha sighs after a moment, disappointed. But she relaxes her grip so Maria can move freely.
It's just as well, really. Natasha can already feel the medication taking effect. Blunting her pain and the edges of reality all at the same time.
Natasha hates this feeling. It makes her feel vulnerable and exposed. But Maria stretches out beside her, and Natasha rolls to drape an arm across Maria’s abdomen and press into her side.
Maria wraps Natasha in her arms, holding her tightly for a moment, before she shifts to slip a hand beneath Natasha’s shirt. Maria gently drags her nails across the skin of Natasha’s back, and Natasha presses more firmly against her. Seeking the comfort of Maria's arms in a way she isn't normally so open about.
"I'm right here," Maria promises softly.
Natasha relaxes ever so slightly. Even as the medication pulls her into the darkness, some of the tension leaves her body. She stops fighting it, and Natasha sinks into unconsciousness like a stone.
Maria continues to stroke Natasha’s back long after Natasha has fallen asleep in her arms. Every few minutes her fingertips brush against the bandage wrapped so tightly around Natasha’s middle.
Maria stares into the darkness. She listens to Natasha’s steady breathing, and occasionally presses her palm against Natasha’s back to feel the continuous thrum of Natasha’s heart.
Each time Maria closes her eyes, all she sees is the moment Natasha fell. The perfect arch of blood through the air. The glint of the dragon’s claws as they caught the sunlight.
And Natasha, her Natasha, collapsing to the ground without a sound.
It happened so fast. And yet, it had been the longest nine seconds of Maria’s life.
Maria strokes Natasha’s back. Listens to her breathing. Feels the beat of Natasha’s heart and the subtle twitch of her muscles as she dreams.
This will become just one more scar. Another story to pull out when the Avengers start trying to one up each other. When they're drunk and comparing battle traumas to see who has the most horrifying tale of survival.
They all know that their luck will run out some day. No one talks about it, but not a single one of them expects to live long enough to acquire grey hairs. That isn't how being a hero works.
Maria takes a deep breath, and she closes her eyes.
On the backs of her eyelids Natasha spins as she falls. The blood splashes through the air as the dragon’s claws catch the sunlight.
They all have their scars. And this is just one more for both of them to carry.
Maria tightens her grip. Focuses on the thrum of Natasha’s heart. The soft exhale of her breath. Natasha is still alive. Safe and secure in the circle of Maria’s arms. And if there was a way for Maria to hold Natasha here, in this moment, forever and always safe, she would.
But that isn't how their lives work.
Maria lays awake for hours, listening to the perfect sound of Natasha breathing. And as the sun begins to brighten the sky, she finally follows Natasha into sleep.