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The hallway is quiet. It is deep into the night, hours past curfew, and you felt like the perfectly painted walls could swallow you whole. Besides your can hear are your small mary janes clacking against magenta marble floor. The end of the hallway is near, and you bring your empty duffle bag to your chest. It makes you feel as secure. As secure as you can be as times are.
It isn’t fun. Constantly walking on eggshells isn’t fun, doubting all of your classmates isn’t fun, and being the most vulnerable girl in class 78 is definitely not fun. You couldn’t expect more- there is no joy to be found in a killing game.
You look to the left, then to the right, then back to the left as your hand inches closer to the storage room door. You act as if a witch is lurking in the shadows, waiting to catch you off guard. You open the door, and with a small gasp, you realize that one is.
“You are getting bold,” Celeste says, “You will not make it out of here alive if you refuse to follow my rules, Miss.”
Her words were strong. Feminine but frightening. You nod shakily, walking past her and to the shelf. You almost trip on your own feet, but you aren’t to blame, because Celeste has turned off every light but a measly yellow lamp. If it weren’t for her unearthly white skin (now turned a pale sort of brown), the darkness would have consumed her completely.
“You will not make it out alive if you refuse to follow my rules, Miss.” she says again. Her words drag on, and she continues to scold you like she isn’t breaking her own rule. Half-listening, you nod again and reach out to grab a small blue tracksuit. Her hand is suddenly on top of yours, and you look up to see her staring back down at you. Her eyes could break you.
“You are going to see Mondo, no?” She asks. You double down, hanging your head low with defeat. Her nails dig into your chin, and she forces your head up. “Do you like him, Chihiro? Are you willing to risk it all... For a man?”
You cannot retell the day that Leon died. It is all broken memories, fragments of the day that was, but few things haunt you with a relentless might. You try to forget, in hopes to erase the entirety of that fateful day, but it's as if Monokuma opened up your skull and rewrote the same sentences over and over, forcing you to half-remember. You read those sentences every night before you go to sleep.
A cold metal fence kept you safe from the million baseballs that killed him. You clung to it to keep upright. Nobody knew you, and you knew nobody, so there was no hiding behind or grasping onto someone for support. Everyone was on their own. As his execution went on, the fence grew hot, so hot that you could not hold onto it any longer. His face and body became burned, and disfigured and you could not hold onto the fence for a second longer.
You remember his eyes popping in, then out, then turning into a half-cooked mess. His face was a mixture of blood, brains, and charred meat. His body was even worse. You couldn’t look away, but you wanted to so, so badly. The world around you became dizzy, you tried not to scream, please don’t kill him, I can’t bear to watch, please don’t kill him, I can’t bear to watch. Everything went dark.
He was warm, and his scent was strong. It’s a gross mixture of cologne and musk. Out of anyone, it had to be the stranger Mondo. You wrapped your arms as far around his torso as you could reach, and you cried. You cried and cried until Leon’s execution was over. You stayed under Mondo’s wing, completely falling apart until he stopped and you let go and you were in your room.
Plain white ceilings and uninteresting room decor. Monokuma, describing your classmates' deaths. Ending up like them, like a pitiful bloody mess, was almost a promise. You didn’t know if you were next, but you did know that you had to prepare for the day that would come.
You pull a laptop from under your bed, and begin to create something out of nothing. Seeing the screen through tears is difficult, but you push through. You are an ultimate for a reason.
You name the program Alter Ego.
“I don’t like him, I just- don’t look at me like that!” Mondo yells. He throws a pillow square at your face, and it sends you tumbling back, falling to the ground from the edge of your bed. He jumps up to catch you, lifting you up and setting you back on the mattress. He sits right next to you. “Sorry, Chi, it’s just that yer lookin’ at me weird.”
You wave your hand, dismissing his accident as nothing. It's only been a few weeks since the first trial, but you trust him completely. He would never intentionally hurt you. Mondo stands up and paces around your room, going over his night with Taka refusing to leave out any raunchy detail. You grit your teeth, quietly going along with his mindless banter, wishing that you were strong enough to tell him to shut it.
Taka stole his heart. Mondo went on and on about how amazing he was, after just one night alone.
Day in and day out, you spent your time with him. Since the first trial, you have laughed, cried, lost, and loved with Mondo- he even let you put him in Alter Ego. (That’s what he says, at least. Though you’ve explained that it is nothing but his face and a code that will answer things in his tone, he still chose to call it him. It looks like him and it acts like him, so it has to be him. Mondo is so stupid it is cute.)
After all of that- hours and hours of bonding- Mondo chooses to feel for Taka. Jealousy is ugly, bitter, and red. You are bathing in it constantly.
Mondo falls back into your bed, and you lay down with him. It isn’t the first time being in bed with him, so you have no shame. You cuddle next to him and you can feel his heartbeat through his chest. Your face warms up a bit, but he can’t see that, so you are fine. He stares up at the ceiling, you stare at him, and you both lay together, lost in romantic thought for a while.
“I’m glad that you found someone, but are you sure that now is a good time to be falling in love?” You ask. It's true, now is the worst time to catch feelings, but you wouldn't have said that if he was falling for you.
“Damn, I know, but I can’t control it! Taka is smart! He’s emotional but strong, y’know? He isn’t afraid to show his emotions, and that's rare to find in a guy.”
That's ironic. You sigh and sit up. You hover above him, and he stays down, and you feel as if you have power over him. You are strong, so you spit it out. You tell him your secret so he can stop talking about Taka and start thinking about you.
He gasps. He sits up. He hugs you and promises to help you grow stronger. He gives you a man's word, but his are shaky. He hugs you again, and you spend the rest of the day together, completely forgetting about Taka. Mondo tells you about his brother, about how he died in a freak accident, and how he became the leader of the Crazy DIamonds before his first year of highschool. He’s leaving something out, but you don’t push it.
And after a while, like he always does, Mondo takes you to your room for the night. He says goodnight. His words are sad—guilty almost—but you reply in a way that makes up for his lack of happiness. Tellings of secrets can’t have him that down in the dumps.
“Tomorrow,” he says, his deep voice cracking, “Tomorrow night, we will train. I'm not letting up on you until yer strong enough to tell everyone yer a man.”
You feel the world quickly go blurry with tears. This is pathetic, standing outside your door clinging onto someone who you hardly even know, crying for the millionth time this month. You love him so much.
The Mondo program greets you with a smile. It's basically him, that's what he said to you after all. You confess to him and he confesses back and everything is a warm, pleasurable blur until you wake up and wash your hands until they’re raw.
“I am not risking anything for a man…” You say quietly. Celeste is wrong. You are simply walking around the school by yourself, subjecting yourself to the newly motivated bunch of students that could overpower you in every way possible. You are not in any danger because you said you wouldn’t die, and you are not a liar. “And I'm not going to see Mondo! I'm going to the gym so I can get stronger!”
By now, you are trembling. You never told anyone, let alone Celeste, that you were going to see him. How could she have known? He promised not to tell anyone, and you trusted him, so how did Celeste know your plan?
You break away from her grasp, and turn your heel to make it for the door, but she steps right in front of it. Even if you wanted to, you are far too weak to push her out of the way. You could scream, but then everyone would be suspicious of both of you. You could try to squeeze through, but that is bound to end horribly.
Your mind is racing a million miles a minute. Celeste won’t hurt you, especially now. She can't, they’ll figure it out instantly. Mondo will tell everyone that he was trying to meet up with you, and everyone will learn your secret before you could say, and Celeste will become a beat up burnt mess, just like Leon.
“And what is so interesting about that bitch Mondo?” Celeste asks. She bends down to your level and gives you a smile. “Mondo is so… Brute. Why would a tiny girl like you go for someone as strong as him?”
You take a sip of your tea. It is piping hot, but you swallow it down, because anything is better than looking at the people in front of you. You can feel the tea burning down your throat, and your eyes flicker around the room, trying to find any means of escape.
In front of you, Taka sits on Mondo’s lap. He is breaking his moral compass just to push himself closer to Mondo. He does not deserve the title of an ultimate. You notice that Mondo’s hand slowly snakes around Taka’s waist. His face contorts into some mixture of shock and happiness.
You love Mondo. Sometimes you hate him. You love Mondo so much that you hate seeing him bloom into another man. You’ve never felt feelings so strong, but you were too weak to act on them, so you stay quiet, sipping on liquid fire.
A bit of it splashes on your hand. Taka yelps and jumps up from Mondo’s lap, rushing out of the room to change his pants. Celeste empties the teapot on Mondo. You cover your mouth in shock and look at her, searching her eyes for meaning. She simply looks back, her face somewhat content.
“Oh, pardon me Mondo.” She says, “It looks like I’m a bit delirious. The new motive has been on my mind all day—I think I need a rest.”
Mondo is fuming with anger. His face is bright red, his fists clench together, and you feel like running. Mondo isn’t the type to hit a girl. The tea burned his lap, ruined his moment with Taka, and you could almost imagine Celeste’s head hitting the floor.
“Go.” He says shakily. She giggles, throws you a handkerchief, and quickly leaves the room.
You run around the table, pushing through your sudden fear of him to drop to your knees and wipe him down. It isn’t much help, but he allows you to do so.
He thanks you and you stand up, wiping the dirt from your knees and dust from your skirt. His arm is around your shoulder, yours around his waist, and through the corner of your eye, you see Taka with a black pair of pants that are far too big for him.
Celeste’s red eyes widen, and she gasps out of shock. She covers a sly smile with delicate fingers, and moves out of the doorway for you. You’ve never yelled at anyone, let alone a girl, but you had places to go. If Celeste told everyone that you were plotting something, so be it, because you are getting stronger with every step.
Taka is no match for you. The mastermind is no match for you. Celeste is no match for you. Mondo is helping you grow, and soon enough, you’ll be able to face everyone with a confident grin. You will peak, and with that strength, you can save everyone and everything, including your relationship with Mondo.
You scan your card and walk into the boys locker room. Mondo is there, warming up with a small dumbbell. Right above Mondo, a worn-down poster of three bikini models is tacked on the wall. It looks like it’s been there for years. The women arise nothing within you, and you turn your back to them and Mondo as you begin to unbutton your green jacket.
“You never told me your secret.” You say.
Brown suspenders fall to your hips. You take your dress shirt off. You can feel his eyes on your bare back, and by the way he shifts, you can tell that something has settled within him. A push of a button, a flip of a switch—something of that sort happened in his mind and you know it.
He’s behind you. He’s so close that you can feel his body heat, his midsection, right on your back, but it only lasts a second. You don’t feel pain. You are piping hot and freezing cold, you feel empty and white, you are warm, grey, content, then darkness washes over you.
Orange skies, dewy grass, and Mondo’s scent is all you can register. His smell is strong. He is warm, he is here, and he looks at you in a way you’ve never experienced before. You try to talk, but nothing comes out, but he somehow understands.
He pulls you into a hug. His mouth moves, and just like when you tried, nothing comes out. You know what he is saying. You nod your head and cling onto his body and his lack of words are so raw and powerful that you can’t help but cry. He pulls away, hand softly cuffing your check, and wipes away your tears.
The kiss is gentle. A soft pressing of the lips. It’s an apology, a welcome home, and a confession all wrapped up into your snotty mouth up against his. It’s an eternity before you pull away, and when you do, you seem to understand all the decisions he’s made.
You say nothing, and he replies with nothing, and you spend eternity talking into an absent abyss.