Chapter Text
In retrospect, there may have been a simpler way to do this. It had been two weeks since Taylor and Erika last had sex and the blonde was getting tired of waiting. Especially since Kyle’s been on Erika’s mind a whole lot more since the two week stalemate began.
Kyle did this, Kyle did that, blah blah blah.
In actuality, hearing your friend-with-benefits slash major crush talk about her major crush hurt quite a bit. But they made an agreement ever since the first time it happened at Erika’s apartment. “Just sex,” Erika said and was Taylor going to deny the adorable girl in her lap? No, she’s not an idiot.
The first time happened two months ago and it’s been a regular occurrence since. That is until Erika began bailing every other time to hang out with Kyle which turned into bailing every night in the span of a week. But she swore Taylor was the only one she was having sex with. (Taylor may have made a ‘hope you’re not pregnant’ joke in order to find out whether or not she and Kyle were, you know, and Erika replied with something along the lines of ‘not unless you can get pregnant via strap-on.’)
To avoid going into great detail, Erika was rough at times, to say the least. In the last month Taylor’s had to lie to her parents and co-stars as to where the scratches that ran along her arms and back came from (blaming Charlie the dog, sorry Charlie). They were rarer, but occasionally she would have to explain large bruises on her biceps and thighs. Thankfully, at the same time that Taylor learned just how aggressive Erika was, she started a boxing class with her roommate for fun. Bruises were easier to explain, but boy did they hurt a lot more, throughout the healing process and when seemingly out of nowhere Erika would hit her, hard, but Taylor loved it regardless.
It was an evil plan, but Taylor was horny and she knew exactly how to rile Erika up. About a week into this endeavor the two women decided getting together for lunch or dinner beforehand was pointless given they wanted one thing and one thing only which always took place at Erika’s apartment. So the topic of conversation Erika brought up one night may seem like it would have taken place between friends over a friendly dinner instead of the way it did with Taylor’s head between Erika’s legs (worst timing possible, right?). Awkward story short, Erika asked Taylor to “be wary” of her interactions with Kyle. Now, Taylor wasn’t hard-core making out with Kyle on stage, but Erika just wanted to let her know, “I’m kind of dating him now.”
Was it a rational thing for Erika to have some concerns over? Who knows. Definitely should have been brought up over dinner and not in the middle of being eaten out, but whatever. That is not where Taylor’s mind was. No, her mind was on being pissed as hell. Taylor wouldn’t dare admit it was jealousy, but if he started showing up to the theater with scratch marks he’d better watch out. Sure, watching them kiss on stage wasn’t the best and maybe she wishes she could tell everyone that Erika was hers, but again, whatever.
Back to the plan. One Saturday night show, Taylor had enough. After a particularly grueling monologue Erika gave about the boy between scenes, Taylor made sure to not wish her luck or utter a single word for that matter before performing ‘Someone Gets Hurt’. As shady as it was, Taylor did everything she could to love up on Kyle at the end. He was caught off guard, hesitantly grabbing for her hips (usually he only stayed on her waist), when her nails dug into his biceps and her hips pushed into his. Her nails scratched the back of his head and her tongue plunged between his lips. The kiss certainly lasted a bit longer than normal, but not long enough for anyone to say anything about it, except for Erika.
As the lights dimmed Taylor continued to ruffle Kyle’s short curly hair and run her fingers up and down his chest.
Taylor smirked as she sped away and walked through the stairwell to her and Erika’s dressing room, red playboy bunny costume and all. She reached the mid-way landing before hearing the huge doors creak at the top and slamming shut followed by footsteps.
In the same moment Taylor turned around, her shoulders were shoved against the concrete behind her with enough force to nearly knock the wind out of her. She grunted softly and saw Erika before her, in her bloody wedding dress sans black wig.
“You’re such a bitch,” she barked. “What is wrong with you?” Erika wasn’t trying to be hushed one bit. Her fists were balled and her brows furrowed.
Taylor did everything she could to keep the grin from reappearing, but it didn’t work. The heavy door opened again and Erika’s hair dresser called for her. He may be the only reason Taylor didn’t have a black eye for the next few shows because when he called her name, she slammed her fist against the wall right beside the blonde’s head. Sure, she’s only punched walls before, so it shouldn’t have been too worrisome, but this was a new kind of anger she’s seen in Erika.
“Save it for ‘Revenge Party’,” Taylor replied, cocking her head and sounding as condescending as possible.
The rest of the show went on as usual, except the death stares between Regina and Cady were all too real. That was just Taylor and Erika. Afterwards, Erika was not at the stage doors as everyone else who enjoyed stage-dooring lingered about. No auburn hair to be found.
It was a late performance and everyone was ready to get home. As Taylor walked through the same stairwell as earlier in the day, some regret loomed over her. Only some. Mostly she felt anxious; nervous to what Erika will say to her, how she will look at her, what she will do to her. (That part may have made Taylor more excited thinking of the possibilities, but she still felt a little bad for making the other girl so mad. She has some feelings besides blinding horniess.)
The dressing room was empty, but Erika’s bag sat on her chair along with her green peacoat. If Taylor tried it on it would probably just reach her hips while on Erika it’s mid-thigh length.
Quickly, Taylor changed into her street clothes: Adidas sweatpants and a white tank top (there’s no point in changing a thousand-and-oneth time that day if throwing a coat on shields anyone from knowing she’s gotten into her pajamas whilst still at work, right?)
The door opened rather harshly and Erika stood there, changed into her casual clothes, staring at Taylor. With no way out if she decided to bail, Taylor began to feel small even though she’s got a few inches on the other woman.
“You didn’t get dressed in here?” Taylor squeaked the exact same time Erika asked in a stern voice, “Want to tell me what the fuck that was?”
The girls stared for a moment. As serious and as angry as she obviously was, Erika was still Erika. Sweet, beautiful, and incredibly bright, and Taylor’s feeling of alarm subsided just a bit.
Though, at the same time, her pride of getting the shorter girl riled up made the same smirk she held before creep back which only spurred Erika on more.
“Huh?” she asked expectantly, closing the door behind her.
“What the fuck was what?” Taylor replied innocently, trying to act coy.
“You know what.”
“No I don’t-”
“You’re fucking smiling, yes you do!” Erika shouted, grabbing the book she had been reading for the past week that sat on the table and chucked it, hitting the wall behind Taylor.
Taylor flinched.
“I asked for one thing and you’re too fucking self-absorbed to even consider just backing the fuck off,” Erika cried, pacing around the room. It was obvious from her singing, but wow did this girl have strong lungs. But if Taylor wanted to keep her face intact she couldn’t dare remind her of others who may still have been in the building.
“Erika,” Taylor tried but was cut-off.
“You think you’re so entitled to whatever the hell you want and you just take!” she went on. “You do whatever you want with zero regard for others.”
“Like you don’t?” Taylor asked and sure, she braced herself for a punch, but what happened instead proved the momentary wince was worth it.
(Erika’s never hit her in the face like that before, but the possibility couldn’t be ruled out. Though she has thrown things at the blonde in the past and there were still a few objects in the room Erika could mistake for a throwing star, like the book just was.)
Erika stared at the taller woman for a moment before nudging her shoulder with her fingers in the direction of the gray couch that sat in their dressing room.
“Sit,” she demanded.
Without hesitation, Taylor sat. Back straight, knees together. When Erika got mad, there was little anyone could do to calm her down immediately, but Taylor learned she didn’t have any desire to shy away from what the anger brought. Erika leaned over her, propping herself up with one hand on the top of the backrest, their faces close. Everything about the situation should scream ‘this is bad’ but it turned Taylor on to no end and Erika knew it.
“I asked for one thing,” she began in a low voice. Erika’s fingers trace the other woman’s cheek before abrasively cupping her jaw, making Taylor look into her eyes. “I don’t let you fuck me every other day just so you can go act like a jealous fucking girlfriend. That’s not what this is.”
Their noses were inches apart and Taylor struggled to catch a breath. All she felt was Erika’s breath on her lips and fingers squeezing her jaw. Erika was right. They made a deal and never discussed being exclusive, but Taylor didn’t think that meant she wasn’t allowed to be upset about it. Maybe she wasn’t. Again, it was never discussed.
“I’m not playing this stupid game with you,” she pushes Taylor’s face away, scratching her nails into her cheek, and leans back, giving more room between the two but not letting her grip on the backrest go. The four distinct marks along her cheek burned, but she kept her hands at her sides.
“It’s not every other day anymore,” Taylor said.
The look on Erika’s face changed; it was soft and truly confused.
“What?”
“I wouldn’t act like a jealous girlfriend if you didn’t up and ditch me for him.”
“So you made out with him in front of an entire audience and embarrassed me in front of everyone?”
“Yes,” Taylor confidently replied. The position the girls ended up in didn’t give the taller girl much room to be, well, taller, but damned if she wasn’t ready to fight back.
“People know we’re dating,” Erika’s emphasized, expression reverting back to anger. She hit Taylor’s thigh with a closed fist, hard, making her suck in a quick breath and her leg quiver. Though she shouldn’t complain because it was exactly what she sought after.
“Is that why people can’t know we are?” Taylor shouting at the same volume as Erika.
“We aren’t!” Erika fired back. “Do you want people to know we’re having sex? Fine,” she released the couch and snatched Taylor’s phone off the table. “I’ll tell all of Twitter you’re fucking me if that’s what you want so badly.”
This could be seen as an innocent joke, and in any other circumstance it would be taken as one, but Taylor wasn’t taking any chances in Erika’s attempt to hurt her. The taller girl lunged off the couch and reached for her phone, but Erika slapped her hand away, hard.
(Her password really had to be Erika’s birthday and Erika really needed to know that, huh.)
“Erika, seriously,” she tried again.
“Dear Twitter,” she began, frantically typing on Taylor’s phone. “I feel the compulsive need to let you all know Erika Henningsen has been using me as her very own personal sex toy-”
“Stop!” Taylor shouted and grabbed the phone, unfazed by the consequences. Erika grabbed a hold of it right back and slammed it to the ground. When it was eventually picked up later that night Taylor’s suspicions were proven right, the screen sported a new web-like crack.
She shoved Taylor by the shoulders causing the blonde to stumble back a few steps, “See, that’s not what you want.”
“You know what I want,” Taylor yelled and for the first time, she pushed Erika back. It would seem only fair given the countless times Erika has pushed the taller woman into doors, walls, beds, kitchen countertops. Literally any surface Taylor has ever stood in front of, the short auburn-haired girl has pushed her into it and it was rarely gentle.
Maybe it was the height advantage and the force of the push being distributed differently, but Erika knocked into the make up table behind her. The table slammed into the wall sending little trinkets, a vase and a couple picture frames, crashing to the floor. The vase shattered leaving light pink shards, dirt, and the gardenias Erika gifted Taylor a few days prior, ‘just because’, lying on the gray carpet, completely lifeless.
Erika propelled herself right off the table and slapped Taylor.
What Taylor wanted was never officially said out loud, but Erika was a smart girl. Casual hookups aren’t usually staring at you when you wake up, make your favorite breakfast every morning after, have a reserved bath towel and your specific body wash waiting in the shower, or get incredibly jealous when you start dating someone. They’d move on to the next person. Taylor liked her and it was so goddamn much that even as Taylor held her palm to the side of her burning face, eyes down, stinging with tears, she knew it wouldn’t change a thing. This is the last moment Taylor should be realizing she’d been in love with Erika this entire time, but that’s when it finally hit her (pun intended?).
Erika gasped, covering her mouth with her hands. “Taylor,” her voice cracked before letting out a quiet sob.
The emotional response should be taken with a grain of salt, or taken with just the amount of anger the previous act was given with, and while those feelings were present, Taylor also expected the girl to break. As much as Taylor sometimes felt like a punching bag, whether physically or verbally, Erika never truly wanted to cause Taylor any suffering, nor, god forbid, do anything to jeopardize them. Taylor was Erika’s safety net and vice versa. However, if and when the moment actually happened, Erika would cave instantly.
“Taylor, I’m,” Erika reached out for Taylor’s shoulder which Taylor immediately jerked away, even though she wanted nothing more than to hug Erika.
(And perhaps slap her back.)
“Fuck you,” the blonde hissed, and just like that, the dynamics changed.
Erika looked smaller and vulnerable in her way-too short skirt and tank top. The amount of skin the girl shared changed from a weapon to every inch of exposed area becoming a weakness. Erika’s eyes were covered in a layer of salt water, like glass, threatening to fracture.
“Violence is always your answer, isn’t it?” Taylor’s voice cracked. “God, I don’t know why I still try-” she took a deep breath. “I like you, Erika. Like-like.”
(She, she sounded like a kid in middle school, but it got the point across. She was also so defeated.)
“Baby, I didn’t mean,” Erika said with a soft voice. She reached to touch Taylor’s face but was startled by her flinching away.
Erika might as well have been told her kitten was killed. Her lips parted, shoulders went limp, and the water protecting her eyes finally broke.
“I like you, too,” Erika began. “But I thought this was strictly sex for you-”
“No, you didn’t!” Taylor yelled.
“Tay, we were just hooking up, I couldn’t have known you wanted anything more,” her voice was still soft and unforgiving. “I thought I could-”
“Go fuck Kyle, too?”
“We never-” Erika grunted in frustration, running her hands through auburn hair. “We have never had sex.”
“Why should I believe you?” Taylor crossed her arms.
“Because you’re it! You’re the only one I want to be with and I had no idea you felt the same!”
“That’s such bullshit! You knew how I felt this whole time and now you’re making excuses so you can be the whore without being the bad guy,” her voice raised with every word.
In the blink of an eye, Erika grabbed Taylor’s forearm, squeezing as hard as she could to keep Taylor in place. Taylor had to look down to look Erika in the eyes, but Erika was back to being the one in charge.
“Don’t call me a whore because we’re doing the exact same thing. Neither of us should even be dating a co-star let alone fuck one, so you’re just as much a whore as I am,” Erika took a step forward, into Taylor’s space.
“Erika, stop,” Taylor breathed.
“Why? Maybe you’re right, I am a whore for being with two people at once, but at least I have a backup. Without me, who do you have?”
The question should have hit harder than a slap ever could, but Taylor couldn’t underestimate Erika’s drive to hurt the blonde in any way she was capable of.
“Stop,” Taylor said again, more firmly.
“No,” Erika replied, taking hold of Taylor’s other wrist with her other hand. “What are you going to do?”
They stared at one another for a long moment. When Erika finally let go, Taylor’s wrists were wrapped in two dark red hand prints. But before she did so, Erika instigated once more.
“Right, nothing,” the shorter woman said, letting go of Taylor with a slight push.
The timing wasn’t the best, but Taylor will be the first to admit that night was not her best for decision making. The words came out like water putting out a fire named Erika.
“I think I’m in love with you.”
The dead kitten look returned. Erika’s stare was filled with nothing but hurt.
“I know I’m in love with you,” Taylor nods. “I can’t stand it when you talk about Kyle and nothing has hurt me more in a long time than when you started ditching me for him and he’s posting pictures of you and with you like I’m not there waiting for you like an idiot.”
“You’re not-” Erika tried, but Taylor couldn’t stop the word vomit.
“I would wait forever for you, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. You knew I loved you this whole time whether you’re prepared to admit it or not, and I think that became a game to you. I did what I did on stage to make you jealous so you’d actually look at me and touch me again. Making you mad seemed like the only logical way to make you pay attention to me again. I fucking miss you.”
The tears poured again, down Erika’s cheeks, curling under her jaw.
“Honey, I didn’t know,” her voice broke. “It doesn’t matter,” she shook her head. “I’m so sorry.”
The amount of times the shorter woman has said those three words to get out of an argument about virtually anything and return to whatever normalcy they’ve created is countless. Whether it’s forgetting Taylor is vegetarian, disagreeing on whose house to go to, or Erika talking about Kyle a little too much, she’s always sorry and nothing changes.
But that doesn’t mean she didn’t accept Erika’s tentative approach for a hug.
She gently lowered Taylor’s hands from her face. Erika’s arms snaked around Taylor’s waist, pulling her in close enough to definitely feel the taller woman’s heart beat. Taylor gave in and wrapped her arms around Erika’s shoulders, burrowing her face into the shorter woman’s neck.
“I love you, too,” Erika said, muffled by Taylor’s chest and Taylor only cried harder.
Neither of the two women know how long they stood there holding each other impossibly close while every now and then Erika made some kind of whispered apology Taylor was forced to take with a grain of salt. Finally they left their dressing room, theater empty, heading in the direction of Erika’s apartment, hand in hand, with Erika promising she could clean the mess she left in the morning, and that she would buy Taylor a new phone.