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Tommy might be the God of the sun, but that doesn't mean Tubbo wasn't the person who lit up his world. The world is bleak without him, empty and a void of nothingness. Tommy walks along the coastline and quietly wonders to himself when everything went to shit, and he thinks it's around the time that Tubbo sacrificed his life for him and Ranboo. Tommy had been fighting with the God of nightmares, he had been so pissed off and angry that he hadn't even been thinking right, and then Dream just started attacking him, and Ranboo had been there, too. Ranboo tried to stop it, but Dream sent him into a spiral of panic by fucking with his memories, something you should never fucking do to the God of memories, and ended up being unable to help. Tommy had been on the verge of death, nearly stripped of his powers and sent down to the human's world to be killed as a failed God, but then Tubbo had showed up.
Tubbo, Tommy's saviour and best friend.
Tubbo, the bravest God in the world.
Tubbo, the God of life and of cunning.
Tubbo, Tommy's lion.
He earned that nickname for himself when he stood up to Dream the first time around. Tommy jokingly called him the bravest God around, and Tubbo had just laughed and puffed out his chest, ruffled up his hair, and turned to grin at him. He had blood running down the sides of his face, his eye was blackened and bruised, his lip was split open, and Tommy definitely didn't look better, and yet he still grinned and beamed, his eyes brighter than they ever had been.
"Like a lion, yeah?"
Tommy doesn't think that it was worth it at all, he doesn't think that Tubbo's death was fucking worth it, and it's never going to be worth it because it was needless, there was no reason why it should've happened other than the fact that Dream, an elder God, couldn't fucking control himself. Tommy breathes out as he walks, running his hands up and down the sides of his legs, nervousness flooding his veins. It's been so long since he's come to visit Tubbo, and he hopes ever so desperately that Tubbo understands, that Tubbo can forgive him for it. Tommy's just been scared, he's been terrified, and he hasn't known what the hell to do. It's complicated, all of it is so, so complicated, and Tommy hates every single second of it. Tommy thinks that Tubbo will forgive him - Tubbo had always forgiven him for everything he fucked up over the years they had known each other.
Tubbo's grave is beautiful, he thinks to himself as he falls to his knees in front of it, dipping his head. "Hey, big man," he whispers. It's covered in flowers, sea glass and seashells covering the sandy floor that rests over Tubbo's casket. Admittedly, Tubbo wasn't given the luxury of a casket. He was sent down to the human world to be brutally murdered, because in the human's eyes, a God that comes down to their world is weak and has to die, and if that God had been stripped of their powers, than there's nothing they could do to fight them off. Tubbo died horribly, he died in pain and alone, and there's nothing that Tommy can ever do to fix that. He isn't ever going to be able to repay Tubbo for his kindness, for his bravery, for anything that he did. "I miss you."
There's no response, because there's never any response. Just the crashing of waves against the beach, the howling wind flooding his mind. The calls of the seagulls hurt his ears, but Tommy just digs his fingernails into the aand and sits there, willing himself to not cry. It never works - he always ends up crying, and it seems like he's started to cry far sooner than he normally does. Tommy choke backs sobs and wails, crying harder than he has in months, quietly pleading with anyone who's listening to take him and bring Tubbo back, to just let Tubbo be alive, but of course, no one listens.
And even if there was an elder God listening, even if there was a chance that Tubbo could come back, Tommy knows better. Tommy knows that Tubbo is never going to come back, even if he sacrificed himself to the elder Gods and begged them for forgiveness and to bring Tubbo back, to revive him and let him live and let him be alive and happy. The elder Gods have never cared for him, they never have and they never will, and Tommy knows that he'd end up dying a futile death.
He isn't sure if that wouldn't be worth it, however. Death seems far more kind than life, and Tommy doesn't think he would be opposed to simply slipping away, leaving everything behind and going to join Tubbo in the shadowy grimness of the afterlife.
"Hey," Ranboo's voice calls out from behind him, far more gentle than the crashing waves against the sand. "I figured that I'd find you out here. Coming here isn't going to help anything. You shouldn't have made him a grave."
"You helped, asshole," Tommy snaps, reaching up to wipe away a few of his tears with his sleeve, sniffling a few seconds later. "This wasn't just me, this was you, too. This was me and you, Ranboo. This was us. You can't blame this on me, you can't fucking blame Tubbo's death on me when you were completely useless, too." Ranboo flinches back, jerking his head to the side.
"You didn't have to say that."
"And you didn't have to say what you did," he shoots back, "and yet you did, so fuck you. You don't get to act all high and mighty when you're the one insulting me, too. You're a fucking bitch, Ranboo. You're a fucking bitch, and I can't believe that you still come out here. You don't deserve to come out here at all, you're the one who got all fucked by just not remembering your goddamn name, you fucking..you..." Tommy breathes out, fury coursing through his veins. "Fuck."
Ranboo sniffles, and Tommy spares a quick look up at him, seeing the God falling down to his knees, reaching up to hold his head in his hands. "I'm sorry."
"No, you're not. You're not fucking sorry, and I'm sick of hearing you pretend like you are. If you were sorry," Tommy snarls, "you'd fucking leave me the hell alone."
"I am," Ranboo pleads. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said those things, I'm sorry, it was stupid and wrong, and I- I...I don't deserve to be out here, you're right. Please, can we.." he trails off for a few seconds, his voice fading, replaced by the ocean waves for a few moments that feel like years. "Can we stop fighting? Can we stop fighting each other, can we- can we just..I don't know, can we just stop? You're all I have left, you're the only person I have left. I had you and Tubbo, and now he's gone, and I only have you, and I can't keep fighting with you every single time that we see each other."
Tommy closes his eyes.
Tubbo wouldn't want this.
Tubbo wouldn't want them to fight, he'd want them to be okay, he would want them to be okay and be friends and be safe and happy together, because he didn't fucking sacrifice himself for nothing. He didn't let himself be murdered for nothing, he didn't allow himself to die a horrific, painful death only for his two best friends to constantly be fighting each other.
But Tubbo isn't here, and Tommy is bitter and angry, and Ranboo is the easiest person to take it out on.
He has a choice, and while one of the options is very clearly the right one, Tommy has never had a good streak with picking the right thing to do.
"Fuck off," Tommy whispers. "Just..go away. I don't want to fucking see you here, I don't want to see you. Just leave, just leave, Ranboo. Fucking go!" Tommy whirls around, shouting at the other God, baring his teeth at him. "Go! I don't want you here! Fucking leave!" He cries out, feeling his heart shatter over and over again in his chest, breaking into a million pieces, shattering beyond repair, and he knows that he's finally ruined everything.
Ranboo stands slowly, his hands falling limp at his sides, blood streaking down his cheeks. He isn't able to cry, water hurts him, and he risks being caught in the middle of a tidal wave every single time that he comes out to visit Tubbo's grave. "Okay," Ranboo whispers, turning away. "Okay, I- I'm sorry. You're right, I'm sorry, I don't deserve to be here, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, just- just please," Ranboo breathes out, his voice breaking. "Please tell him that I love him. Please, just..please do that. Please, Tommy. Please."
Tommy feels his heart break again. "Fuck off, Ranboo. Fuck off."
"Okay," he whispers. "Bye, Tommy."
Tommy says nothing back, only turns back to stare at Tubbo's grave, just digs his fingernails into the sand once more.
Tubbo was his lion, always at his side, the bravest creature in the universe, the bravest God and the most loyal friend. Tubbo brought out the good in him, he brightened his world, and now he's gone.
And without him, Tommy doesn't think that his world will ever be bright again.
And he doesn't want it to be.