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“You’ve been acting strange all day,” Eddie said. Barry gripped the mug in both hands and held it close. “You narrowly avoided walking into Captain Singh.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?” Barry asked.
“Yes, but it’s weird for you,” Iris said. “And you look exhausted.”
“And you knew too much at the crime scene,” Eddie said. Barry looked like a deer caught in headlights. His eyes flicked to the door of Jitters, but Iris had found them a seat at the slightly less crowded upstairs seating, there were a lot of people between them and the door. He wouldn’t get away from them that easily.
“I had nothing to do with it,” Barry said.
“Eddie was not going to suggest you did,” Iris said. Barry looked even more jittery now, sitting right on the edge of his seat and eyes still darting around for the closest exit. “Barry. No one thinks you would ever help anyone do anything like this.”
“If we needed to have that conversation, we would not be having it at Jitters and I would have asked a lawyer to sit with you, not Iris. But you couldn’t have known all that unless you were there.”
“I wasn’t,” Barry said far too quickly. “Why would I have been there?”
“Because Mardon is after Dad,” Iris said. “You’re the C.S.I. that found where the two of them were hiding before, and you’re connected to Dad.”
“But he didn’t know he was after Joe until after he killed the coroner, it’s in the recording, so there’s no reason he would have gone after me before.”
“What did he threaten you with?” Eddie asked. “Because if he has been trying to use you to slow the investigation down you need to tell me.”
“If I was slowing an investigation down, I wouldn’t have analysed the crime scene for you, I would have called in sick.”
“So, you found hard evidence.”
“I’m the Flash and I’m stuck in a time loop,” Barry said. He put his still untouched drink down. “And I need to go because in about five minutes Joe is going to go to try and find Mardon himself and I can’t stop him, you have to go with him, only he’ll get captured and then Iris will get a phone call saying she needs to go to the waterfront and I need to go because I still don’t know what happens to Cisco other than he dies and I don’t have time because I need to stop the tidal wave.”
“Barry what are you talking about?” Iris asked.
“You want to talk to me about Doctor Wells and S.T.A.R. Labs because Mason Bridge talked to you and it’s important, but we haven’t got that far, I need to go.”
“You’re the Flash.”
“Joe asked me not to tell you, I was the one who decided to listen, I don’t have time to explain now, I’m so sorry, both of you, it was the lightning.”
“I don’t think we should talk about that in Jitters,” Eddie said. He looked around at the people around them.
“It doesn’t matter,” Barry laughed, eyes watering. “Nothing matters. It’ll all get rewritten in less than an hour and start all over again. I can’t stop it.”
“Does this happen every time?”
“No. Little things change but Doctor Wells is right, the consequences of changing time are too big.”
“You said Cisco dies, Dad gets taken by Mardon, and Central gets destroyed by a tidal wave,” Iris said. “Barry, you need to do something.”
“I don’t know what.”
“Next time come and find us. Promise me. Tell me what you just told me. You need help. Let us help.”
“I have to go. Eddie has to come too.”
“Go.”
Barry grabbed Eddie and disappeared in a flash of golden lightning.
Iris had planned on going to talk to Eddie at work, maybe see if she could find out anything about this coroner’s death.
And then a bolt of yellow lightning swept her up and deposited her on a roof.
“Hi,” Eddie said from his perch on a vent.
“Hi,” Iris said. “What’s going on?”
“I have no idea.” Eddie gestured at the Flash who was pacing across the roof in front of them, bursts of speed with crackling lightning interrupting his muttering.
“You don’t know what the consequences of this are,” the Flash said. “But you can undo the consequences next loop, Iris made you promise. But what if this screws everything up and there is no next loop. Then at least today would finally be over. But I still don’t know how to stop the storm surge, or how to find out what Cisco does without Cisco dying-”
“Cisco Ramon?” Iris asked. “Flash, what’s going on?”
“You need them. Okay.” The Flash stopped pacing and looked at her. Really looked, without vibrating his face like he usually did. His eyes were wild and panicked and so, so familiar.
Barry pulled down his cowl.
“Barry?” Eddie asked. “No, you-”
“Could never have been anyone else,” Iris said. “Why?”
“I screwed up,” Barry said. “And I’m sorry.”
“Who else knows?”
“Joe, Cisco, Caitlin, Felicity, and Doctor Wells. It was the lightning.”
“My dad knows. He told you to lie to me.”
“He thought you would be in danger if you got involved, he just wanted to keep you safe. We both did. It’s my secret. I could have told you myself and I didn’t. I am so sorry, Iris. Eddie, I owe you both so many apologies and I promise I’ll give them to you later if we have time but I need your help.”
“Is this about Mardon?” Eddie asked.
“Sort of. He’s going to kidnap Joe and try and destroy Central with a storm surge. Every time I try and stop it, I end up back at the morgue last night.”
“What?”
“I keep time travelling. I have been through today so many times and every time I end up back at that waterfront with you and Cisco keeps dying and I am so tired.”
“What happens to Cisco?” Iris asked.
“Mason Bridge is going to talk to you today about Doctor Wells. He suspects he was involved in Simon Stagg’s death. The loops I told Cisco he died, the loops I didn’t he lives. I still don’t know exactly what happens but it’s something to do with Wells.”
“You’ve tried changing it?”
“Little shifts. It was a little shift that meant I found out Cisco died, I didn’t the first five times around. Doctor Wells calls it temporal reversion when I get to S.T.A.R. Labs. He won’t even let me tell him what happened which I think I might be glad about now. He says changing time is dangerous, I don’t know what the consequences will be, I might be able to change today but something worse could happen tomorrow.”
“Worse than Central being destroyed and who knows how many people dying?” Eddie asked. “Cisco, probably Iris too, Joe, everyone on the waterfront, maybe you.”
“Captain Singh keeps ending up in the hospital too,” Barry said. “Really hurt. It’s really bad.”
“Why come to us?”
“I trust you,” Barry said. “Both of you. You’ve been helping me for a while now. I don’t know what to do, I need someone to tell me. I’m so tired.”
“Change it,” Iris said. Eddie looked at her. “You don’t know what the consequences of changing it are. But the consequences of not changing it are people get hurt and you stay trapped living this day over and over, that is not the better option, Barry. Change time.”
“Okay.”
Linda had flowers on her desk. Flowers from Barry. He’d dropped by Picture News to see Linda, but Iris hadn’t heard anything since he’d run her and Eddie back off the roof. He must have waited for a moment Iris wouldn’t see him then run off again. Run too fast for anyone to see. Because her best friend was the Flash and he’d lied to her for months. Her dad had lied to her.
And Barry had run to her and Eddie for help deciding what to do. Not Linda, not her dad, not S.T.A.R. Labs, Iris and Eddie. He said they’d been helping him for a while now. That he’d been reliving the same day over and over. How many times? How many times had he told her he was the Flash? Had he only done that hoping the day would reset or had he wanted her to know?
Eddie was already there when she got home. He hadn’t seen Barry either. Captain Singh had sent him home early. Told him to consider taking two days sick leave. He’d had black rings around his eyes when they’d seen him this morning. Iris would have assumed he was sick too, if he hadn’t told her what was going on. She wasn’t convinced he wasn’t a little run down.
But they really needed to talk.
Barry brought flowers. Two bunches. One for Iris, one for Eddie. Yellow roses and tulips and purple hyacinths and irises.
He seemed extremely unsure of himself standing in the doorway.
“You can come in, Barry,” Eddie said. “We did invite you.”
“Thanks,” Barry said. “Um.”
“How are you feeling? Captain Singh said he sent you home sick.”
“Oh, right. Um. I’m fine. Just really tired. I haven’t been sick since I woke up. My metabolism is fast, and my heart rate, and I heal fast, so if all of me is sped up it makes sense my immune system is too which must have some affect but Caitlin’s still working it all out so I don’t know what exactly. I’m not sick but Linda said I didn’t look well this morning so I must look worse than I feel.”
“You still don’t look good,” Iris said. “When was the last time you slept?”
“I don’t know.”
“How many times did you go through the time loop?” Eddie asked.
“I don’t know. A lot.”
“Have you slept at all?”
“I normally managed to get a couple of hours between running to the morgue and going to S.T.A.R. Labs in the morning,” Barry said. “I didn’t this one, I was panicking too much, and last one was not great so I didn’t...”
“And you haven’t slept since you found Mardon, have you?”
“No. I was at S.T.A.R. Labs all day.”
“You need to sleep,” Iris said.
“I don’t want to,” Barry said. “I do want to, I really want to, but I’m too scared.”
“Of what?”
“That this isn’t real. That I’ll open my eyes and it will be last night again.”
“This is real,” Eddie said. “You are here, with us, right now. My brother’s name is Thaddeus. We don’t talk.”
“I know, you told me the story,” Barry said. “A few times, actually. You thought it would be a good idea to get you to believe me about the time loop quickly, but I never needed it. You two always believed me right away.”
“What if you stay here for the night? I have an air bed somewhere, I think. I know it might not be the most comfortable-”
“No, that sounds nice,” Barry said. “Thank you. Are you sure?”
“I wouldn’t be offering if I wasn’t.”
“I know you want an explanation.”
“It can wait until you’ve slept,” Iris said.
Barry did not stay and sleep through the night. He got woken up in the middle of the night by Leonard Snart breaking into a casino. And then Cisco had been kidnapped by the Snarts. And Barry didn’t sit still until Cisco was back home, safe.
And Snart had got away because he knew Barry’s name.
Mason Bridge was missing.
And Barry still wasn’t sitting still.
“Your shift’s over,” Iris said. Barry looked up from his desk. He still had black rings around his eyes. “You’re coming over for dinner.”
“Don’t I get a say in that?” Barry asked.
“Nope. You promised me an explanation. Unless you have plans with Linda.”
“Linda and I broke up.”
“Barry, I-”
“It’s fine, it was actually that day, it happened most of the loops so it’s not like I didn’t see it coming. Linda is really great and I really like her but there’s no spark. And maybe we’re not right for each other romantically which we both saw coming but we’re going to try being friends instead. We have tickets for the Central Miners and Keystone Kings game at the weekend, it was supposed to be a date but we’re still going as friends. She’s convinced she can get me to enjoy a basketball game.”
“Good luck to Linda. Are you coming?”
“Let me just grab my coat.”
They picked up Big Belly Burger on the way. Barry bought four burgers.
“How could we not have noticed?” Eddie asked looking at the empty wrappers.
“I try and spread out how much I eat over the day instead of just meals,” Barry said. “And Cisco made me calorie bars which help.”
“How much do you need to eat?” Iris asked.
“It depends on how much I’ve been using my powers, but around ten thousand calories a day. That’s why I was passing out, you know when you found me on the floor when I went with you to Stagg Industries?”
“When we’ve got food-”
“I ate more during the day, I wasn’t not eating enough,” Barry said. “Yeah, I was hungry after, but I’m constantly hungry, it wasn’t anything to worry about.”
“We didn’t talk enough after you woke up. I should have noticed.”
“I was kind of avoiding you.”
“Because of Eddie and me.”
“And because keeping this secret from you has been really hard. I have told you before, at super speed so I knew you wouldn’t hear. And it was hard because I know I shouldn’t have done it, and I’m sorry.”
“But Dad asked you to.”
“It was my choice. I could have argued with him then. I had so many opportunities to tell you and I didn’t. The man who killed my mother, he’s a metahuman like me. He’s back. He broke into Mercury Labs around Christmas. He told me it was supposed to be me that night. That future me travelled back and saved past me and not her.”
“You changed time the other day,” Eddie said.
“Yeah. I don’t know. It’s different. I knew I could time travel. Me from a year in the future came back a few weeks ago, I don’t know why, but there was this thing following him, a Time Wraith, it was there to stop him changing time.”
“Which is why he couldn’t tell you why he was there.”
“Probably. There wasn’t one this time. I don’t even know how I did it. The first time, it was just so bad. And then there was a storm surge heading for the city, Mardon made it, and all I could think was that I couldn’t let it happen, I couldn’t lose Iris and Joe, and then it was the night before again and I was running to the morgue. Doctor Wells realised what was going on right away. I thought because of what happened with the other me, even though this time it was like I was overwriting my past self and that time there were two of us? Time travel is confusing. He warned me I couldn’t change time, we’d both seen what the Time Wraith did, so I tried to do everything the same. And I ended up back in exactly the same place. And it kept happening, over and over.”
“You said it took you a few times to find out about Cisco,” Iris said. “How did you?”
“Firestorm,” Barry said. “He’s in Pittsburgh so not close but I knew to call him early in the day and I knew half has studied time travel so I thought they could help. Instead, they got to S.T.A.R. Labs to see if they could detect anything weird and Cisco was, his body, it was- I couldn’t ask him for help again. Firestorm is two people. One is Cisco’s friend. He cares about him. I didn’t- In timelines I didn’t say anything to Cisco he was the one telling me what to do with the surge. In timelines I did it was Doctor Wells and I missed a call from Caitlin while I was running. I didn’t ever have time to answer, I had to run. I know in timelines I did tell Cisco Caitlin took Doctor Wells to Jitters while Cisco did something at S.T.A.R. Labs, but I didn’t get the chance to find out what.”
“You think Doctor Wells has something to do with it?” Iris asked. “You think he has something to do with Mason’s disappearance too.”
“Yeah, I do. I don’t know what’s going on, but I know Pied Piper said that the accelerator wasn’t an accident. It was why he came back. He had this whole plan and he got distracted because of the time travelling but the particle accelerator explosion, he warned Doctor Wells about that, and he got fired because of it. I stopped telling Cisco about Mason Bridge’s theories as soon as I realised that was what triggered that series of events. I couldn’t keep doing it. I had no idea if the loop was going to keep going or if…”
“It isn’t your fault,” Eddie said. “Have you talked to Cisco yet?”
“No. What if he dies again and this time I can’t do anything? I have no idea what happened. I can’t willingly time travel, it was an accident. And Doctor Wells, he said that something worse might happen. I changed time and Cisco and his brother were kidnapped by Leonard Snart. Snart made Cisco build him a new gun, and Heatwave, and he had to build that Gold Gun for Snart’s sister, and then Snart froze his brother’s hands. And Mason Bridge didn’t go missing in the other timelines, he must have found something really important in his research, but all I know is that he had dirt on Wells and he said Doctor Wells was the last person to see Simon Stagg alive. I don’t know anything else. I couldn’t find out because it would mean I wasn’t at the waterfront to stop that, and I couldn’t ask for help because I couldn’t let anyone else die, I didn’t know what was happening so I didn’t know if it would end.”
“But you said we helped you.”
“You two cornered me, I don’t know, twenty or so loops in? Said I was acting weird, and I told you and you told me to ask you for help. And I didn’t because I was scared you’d get hurt and you cornered me again. And it kept happening and I gave in and accepted your help. At least one of you was on that waterfront with me every single time. You were both with me every time, it was useless fighting it. The universe wanted you with me.”
“Or we wanted to be with you,” Iris said. Barry smiled. He looked sad. “Or you wanted to be with us. You said Mardon took my dad, would you have left me?”
“Never,” Barry said. “You actually time travelled with me a couple of times.”
“How?”
“I picked you up and carried you.”
“Iris came with you?” Eddie asked.
“You both did. Usually one at a time, that’s just because it’s easier to carry one person than two. If you came with me then you remembered. If you didn’t, you didn’t. I don’t think it was a time loop like I was stuck in one, I think I was just time travelling over and over.”
“The first time it gave you a second chance,” Iris said.
“And I didn’t take it because I was told not to change time,” Barry said. “You told me that in the last loop.”
“You said it was bad,” Eddie said. Barry nodded. “Worse than the others?”
“The second to last one, you died,” Barry said. “You went to try and stop Mardon taking Joe and you died. Iris and I found you. It wasn’t the first time one of you… Iris time travelled back with me. She told me that, that it was a second chance, and I should take it. And then she told me to watch you, told me we couldn’t lose you again and she was right, so I watched you. And this time it wasn’t Iris who got the call from Mardon, it was Joe. The surge still came and still let me travel back and I… I don’t know how many times I lived that day. I don’t know how many times Mardon took Joe. I don’t know how many times I lost Cisco. But Iris was right, if I was given a second chance I should take it, and I couldn’t lose either of- couldn’t lose anyone else again. So, I came to find you.”
“How many times did you tell us you were the Flash?” Iris asked.
“You? Every time, except the times you came with me and already knew. Sometimes it was right at the end, but you knew in every loop. Eddie wasn’t quite every time, but it was most of them.”
“How many times did I yell at you?”
“Not as many as I was expecting. I deserve it though.”
“You kind of do,” Iris said. “But if I’ve already been angry with you, it doesn’t seem fair to keep being angry with you. Unless you’re going to tell me what you did to Eddie-”
“I was whammied by Rainbow Raider, like those people at the bank,” Barry said. “Sorry, Bivolo, Cisco keeps giving everyone names and they stick. My powers mean I can’t have painkillers anymore, I burn through everything, but they also affected how his powers affected me. It wasn’t a quick burst of anger like them, it built up and up and all I could feel was this rage inside me. I shouted at Captain Singh and at Joe and Green Arrow, everyone, I was so angry with the whole world. And I took it out on you, and I am so, so sorry. I completely understand if you don’t want to see me again. You don’t have to forgive me, neither of you have to forgive me for anything. Iris, you are allowed to be angry with me, it happened for me, but it hasn’t for you and you are allowed to have those feelings yourself. Building it up inside won’t end well.”
“I’m not angry with you for that,” Eddie said. “I interviewed the people at the bank, remember? Some of them described what it was like. Even if the feelings were yours, and I understand why you would be angry with me, I wanted to arrest you when you were trying to help people, you weren’t in control of your actions.”
“I hurt you. It’s not an acceptable way to respond to anger.”
“You wouldn’t have if he hadn’t whammied you. It isn’t your fault.”
“Doesn’t feel that way.”
“I get the feeling you blame yourself for a lot of things that aren’t your fault.”
“He does,” Iris said.
“Then I forgive you,” Eddie said. “For everything. Why would you tell me you were the Flash sooner? I felt like I’d known you for months because it had been months ago we’d been introduced and I’d been hearing so much about you from Iris, but for you all we had was that introduction, and I wasn’t the Flash’s biggest fan back then. I know it’s different with Iris, and it’s complicated, but I think if you had told Iris then asked her to lie to me, I would be more upset with that. I’d understand but I wouldn’t be happy about it.”
“I think there’s a lot I need to think about,” Iris said. “And I need to talk to my dad.”
“I do have one question,” Eddie said. “The other metahumans. You brought Mardon to C.C.P.D., what about the others?”
“I have screwed up,” Barry said. “And I think I know someone who can help me fix it. I am going to bring you both to S.T.A.R. Labs and properly involve you in everything, but I don’t want you getting in any trouble for my mistake, so let me fix this first, please.”
“Okay,” Iris said. “And I think you should talk to Cisco about this.”
“I’ll see if he’s free tomorrow.”
Barry hadn’t stayed. And Iris hadn’t seen him the next day.
Eddie came home with a blank look on his face.
“You okay?” Iris asked.
“Barry talked to Cisco. I overheard something I definitely shouldn’t have overheard.”
“Is Barry okay?”
“Yeah, he’s, it’s something that happened in the loops that he didn’t want to tell us, so I stopped listening. I know you’re in love with him, Iris.”
“We talked about this.”
“I know. But you did start thinking about it after he told you, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I thought about him,” Iris said. “He’s my best friend. I’ve known him since I was four. But I’m in love with you. I moved in with you.”
“I am in love with you, Iris. But doesn’t it feel like there are three people in this relationship sometimes?”
“Eddie-”
“I’m not saying it’s bad. You told me from the start that Barry is an incredibly important person in your life. I accepted that. He’s a good person. He’s a good friend. You do love him, don’t you?”
“I don’t know how I feel about Barry. I do know how I feel about you. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You said you didn’t want to keep secrets from me. What did you hear?”
“You kissed Barry by the waterfront. Iris, it’s okay, I get it-”
“Stop talking.” Iris pulled her phone out and sent Barry a text. She opened the door. “You listen to me. I love you, Edward Thawne.”
“What’s the emergency?” Barry ran in.
“Explain to me why you kissed me,” Iris said. Barry looked between them. “Eddie overheard part of a conversation with Cisco.”
“Okay,” Barry said. “First time, you told me you couldn’t stop thinking about me and you loved me too and there was adrenaline and I thought we were about to die, and then I time travelled. But it doesn’t mean anything. It wasn’t you. It was an alternate version in a life-or-death situation, we weren’t exactly thinking straight, and it doesn’t count.”
“But Iris did tell you she was in love with you,” Eddie said. “It just took that push for you to realise what those complicated feelings are.”
“It almost never happened,” Barry said. “Sometimes I was really tired, and I wanted to pretend things would be okay, and you wouldn’t hate me when I told you the truth when it ended, if it was ever going to end, it felt like nothing I did would have any consequences, so I didn’t stop either of you and I should have, and I’m sorry.”
“Either of us?” Iris asked.
“Yeah. You only heard about Iris.”
“You kissed Eddie.”
“Yes.”
“You kissed my boyfriend.”
“The alternate one I was with at the time, and technically he kissed me first.”
“How do you feel about Barry?” Iris asked. Eddie paled. “You’re in love with my best friend?”
“Guys,” Barry said. “Guys. You two are incredibly in love with each other. You don’t need to argue about something that didn’t even happen. You love each other, nothing has changed about how you feel about each other. Like I said, life-or-death situations, no one was thinking straight.”
“But you’re still in love with Iris,” Eddie said.
“I’m in love with both of you, but that has nothing to do with how you feel about each other.”
“You’re what?”
“It’s not important,” Barry said. “You love Iris, yes?”
“Yes.”
“And you love Eddie.”
“Yes.”
“Neither of you have any memories of kissing me.”
“No.”
“Problem solved, it never happened.” Barry checked his phone. “That’s Joe, I need to go. I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah,” Eddie said. “See you later.” Barry ran out the door. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Iris said.
“Did he…”
“He did.”
“Both of us?”
“Both of us. You just said it felt like there were three people in this relationship.”
“I did say that.”
“I think we might need to talk about that. And then talk to Barry.”
“Yeah, that sounds good.”