Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

"Why do I have to start?"

"Because, dummy, you're holding the flashlight."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize we were actively using conch rules."

"Don't be such a drama queen! This whole trust-exercise thing was your idea anyway and we're all taking turns."

"I know, I know… I just didn't want to say it first."

"Would it make you feel better if I went first?"

"You're probably the only one that I wouldn't want to go first, honestly."

"Quit being a cry baby and go! Or someone else go, at least."

"Why are you all looking at me? I'm not going first. You all should be grateful I'm doing this at all."

"Well, now I'm going to be stubborn about it. If you had just gone first without fussing, you would have been done already."

"That's easy for you to say… you try going first."

"Whaー don't nudge me! I'm not going first either. First is the worst and et cetera, you know? Obviously the most fabulous is saved for last, so you can bet your ass I'm not going anywhere other than dead last."

"I'm sorry, how old are you? Because I was under the impression we were the same age."

"Ex-squeeze me? Why don't you go then, big man on campus?"

"B-because… because I don't wa-want to, that's why."

"Will someone just go?!"

"Fine! Fine… I'll go first…"

"Any day now…"

"Oh, shut up! I'm thinking…"

"Hey, you don't have to, you know? We don't have to do this."

"Aww, don't coddle her. This was a good idea! It's a good thing it's not so easy. It shows that this is a valuable exercise."

"Ugh, fine… I guess… I'm just really afraid of being alone. Isolation. I don't think I could handleー"

"Oh, please! You picked the one fear that is literally impossible for you to have as an obstacle!"

"That's not true!!"

"Oh, but it is! You come in a family-size pack! You have built-in company, you don't even need to worry about having friends, much less being totally alone."

"So you think you can do better than that?"

"Well, sure I can… just… give me a second."

"See? Not so easy, is it?"

"How do you guys not have yours prepared already?"

"I have it plenty prepared! I just needed a second to decide how I wanted to say it."

"Seems like some shoddy prep work to me."

"Oh, sod off. I think I'm most afraid of being lied to. I don't trust easily, so if I let you into my circle then you sure as fuck better respect that. Once you step out of the circle, there's no coming back in. So watch your mouths and stick to the truth and we'll be square."

"Aww, that's so cute!"

"Shut up."

"She trusts us!"

"I never said that."

"That's sure what it sounded like you were saying."

"All of you are insufferable and I hate you. I'm reporting you all to the Dean."

"Think she'd like to hear what we've gotten up to in the Teacher's Lounge?"

"You wouldn't dare…"

"According to your rule, I can't lie to you. So yes, I absolutely would."

"Then it's your turn next, snitch."

"Oh… well, I-I don't know… Muh-maybe someone else shuh-shuh-should go…"

"Getting cold feet?"

"N-no! I'm fine. I still don't wa-want to, though."

"Hey, you're not the only one. Take a breather, rela-ax. If you need to think about it for a second, go ahead."

"Do you want me to go?"

"I c-can do it. W-when I think about what s-scares me most, I always just picture my buh-buh-brother… I was never good enough for him. If I would have pushed myself a little harder and been a little stronger t-then maybe he would s-s-still b-be… still b-bー"

"This again?"

"Hey. Watch it."

"Don't say that to him. We all were there when it happened, you know very well that he beats himself up about it more than anyone. Don't make light of it."

"I'm r-right here…"

"Yeah, and he's not."

"Woah, overkill, much?"

"Whatever! He needs to know that. It happened. All we can do is react after that. If he keeps dragging his feet, he's going to get someone else killed too."

"That's super uncalled for. You need to take that back, right now."

"No, I won'tー Iー"

"Step off, love, all right? You passed the three strikes mark already. Look at him and tell me he's ready to hear this?"

"What, so I'm supposed to wait for him to be 'ready'? What's the point of that! He's going to guilt-trip himself to death. Is he going to be ready then?"

"We won't let that happen. He's going to be alright eventually, but that will be because we support him through it, not beat him down with it, all right?"

"I just want him to get over this. It eats away at him and I can't stand it."

"Hey, I know… I just… c-c-can you give me a l-li-little l-longer?"

"How long is a little longer?"

"He was my brother. Am I just supposed to…"

"Your brother, right? Fine… I'm sorry. I'll hold my tongue. But I'm not just saying it to be mean."

"I know. It's how you c-care. I just wish you put a little more eh-eh-effort into understanding it, you know? Sometimes I feel like n-no one un-und-understands."

"I might… I mean, I've never been in your shoes before, but I can quite literally be anywhere at the drop of a hat. It makes it really hard to justify not being there when someone needs me or failing to protect something I should have been capable enough to protect. That failure… it's really heavy. It scares me."

"The same goes the other way around too. The both of you are so capable and aware of your abilities that it must be a lot of responsibility, people trusting you to use them. I'm always scared I'll fail because… because I couldn't handle it, you know? Because I just lose it, or something. What if I accidentally hurt one of you one day? What if Iー"

"Stop that. Don't do that to yourself. There are way too many 'what-ifs' in the world, you'll drive yourself crazy thinking about them."

"And we wouldn't let that happen to you, anyway. We're there for you too. We'll pull the plug if things get too rough for you. You end up protecting us way more than you think you do, but we'll also protect you when you really need it."

"…Thanks."

"That's the perk of none of us being on our own anymore. We can call each other for help. We can lean on one another. The whole world doesn't rest on one set of our shoulders and our failures won't reflect only on us as individuals, but on our team as a whole. We all bear the burden together. To make it just a little lighter."

"Preachy."

"Mopey."

"Oh, will you two stop? The googly eyes are too much for me. Gag."

"Did you just say 'gag' out loud?"

"Shut up, or I will gag you. And not in a way you'd enjoy."

"Ew."

"Ew."

"Ew! Great sound off, guys, lovely harmony. Let's take a moment to acknowledge those answers… aaand great! I guess that makes it my turn, huh?"

"Sorry. I guess we sort of rapid-fire shot those ones off."

"Eh, it's not a big deal. All of you guys had really emotional layers to your fears, though… it makes me feel bad. I thought I came prepared, but it's like I did the wrong homework and now I'm playing catch-up while the teacher talks…"

"Take your time, love."

"Sure I can't convince you to go next, eh, lad?"

"Not even with your sexy accent, honey, sorry."

"A shame. And you better not be hitting on me in any fashion, or I will break your nose as I pointedly swing in the opposite direction."

"Hey-hey, no violence. I know you're joking, but you know that I know that you'd back that up just as quickly as you would forget about it. Besides, I don't think you're telling anyone something they didn't already know."

"Really?"

"Ehhh… really."

"Really. I've known for a while."

"I don't think I ever didn't know, to be honest."

"Oh, well… I just… I guess I wasn't looking that hard?"

"Oh, fine. Well, it was obvious to everyone except for him, evidently. Sorry about him."

"Hey!"

"Well… five for six isn't bad."

"Still wanna give it a try?"

"God, it sounds so lame next to everyone elses' but… I have claustrophobia?"

"I don't think that's lame."

"How can you not? I mean, all of you seem so moved by your fears whereas mine…"

"Did you have an accident with your powers when you were younger?"

"When I was younger? Oh, well, I guess I once… oh."

"Oh? Oh, what?"

"I think we just connected some dots."

"Let me guess? You buried yourself alive somehow?"

"I… wowー I barely remember this. But yeah, I think I did. My powers went out of control and the next thing I knew I was really deep underground. I freaked out so bad I couldn't use them to get myself out and I just ended up panicking, trying to claw my way out. It took them almost an hour to get me out of the ground…"

"Are you… alright, love?"

"Yeah, just… sort of shocked I forgot about that. Is that why I'm claustrophobic?"

"It's hard to say. Do you remember any symptoms of claustrophobia before that?"

"Not really… but that happened when I was pretty young."

"Then it is hard to say, conclusively, but we can probably guess it at least played a role in it."

"Huh…"

"Eh, don't let it bother you too much or it'll go straight to your brain and burn out some brain cells. God knows we need as many as we can get in this group."

"You do know you're part of this group and therefore are included in your little jab there, right?"

"Oh, barely."

"You're never going to convince her to admit it."

"A guy can dream…"

"Looks like there's nowhere else for you to run to, big bro."

"Yea-ah… I got that. Well, fear is weird for me. I think most of you fear the things you fear because they offer up some form of danger? Like, someone dies, or your fear involves death in some way? It gets all weird for me because all my 'Living' and 'Dead' wires are all crossed."

"If you try to tell me you're fearless, I will punch you."

"Oh no, not at all! I just used to fear death itself. I watched what it did to people, how it tore them apart. I've seen so much pain and suffering and death in my life that I thought it would terrify me until I died. But then I did die."

"That was in Rio, right?"

"Yeah… they were the worst eight days of my life. The last of them, it seemed at the time."

"I don't think you've ever actually told me this whole story."

"That's kind of on purpose."

"Feel like telling us now?"

"Nah… it's still probably too distressing for you guys. I don't mind shouldering this one alone. Regardless, finding out that I couldn't die sort of threw a wrench in the whole plan of being afraid of dying."

"This definitely sounds like a long, round-about way of saying that you're fearless."

"Not even close. Just listen. When I figured out I couldn't die, it really did feel like I had nothing to be afraid of. But my biggest fear didn't go away. It got worse. I started to think about… what happens later. I started to think about what would happen if one of you died. Would you stay with me? Would I have to look at your corpses any time I opened my eyes? What are the limitations of my immortality? Will I have to live my whole life an indestructible monster, watching all of you get picked off one by one until I'm just a sad, crazy old man talking to a room full of nobody at all?"

"Ohー my God…"

"W-what? What did I say?"

"Iー I don't… why are you looking at me?"

"Because, idiot!"

"You're whispering too quietly!"

"He's obviously having trouble! Say something to him!"

"What? No, that's a terrible idea! That's a serious problem and I'm not a therapist!"

"Really?"

"What?"

"You're going to try and claim you aren't a therapist?"

"I'm not, though!"

"Y-you're definitely the b-best we have, though. Say something."

"Guys, she doesn't need to say anything! I'm fine!"

"You are… not fine. I think you need to talk to someone. Would you like to come with me to my appointment next week?"

"Oh, please. It's just a little phobia."

"Little and phobia do not go together."

"Go with her and let the therapist man say the same thing to you so you can finally listen."

"This was supposed to be a liberating trust exercise… it doesn't feel fun, liberating, or like it's inspiring trust. Can we get a refund?"

"Nope. But you can get some free advice?"

"Ooh, I'll take anything that's free!

"Let us help you. I think we're all pretty terrified of our powers, but at least ours are kind of cut and dry. You seem to have a new one every week."

"Yeah, tell me about it…"

"We can help, you know?"

"How?"

"Maybe we don't know that yet. But we'll figure it out together. That's a promise."

"Pinky promise?"

"Oh, absolutely. Is there any other kind?"

"Technically there are many, from a vast array of culturesー"

"Oh, yeah, no. We're not listening to your podcast rendition of something you heard on the Discovery channel. Don't glare at me like that. It'll wrinkle your face, that will."

"All of us add honorary pinky promises to that one. Now, can we move on to what we're going to do six months from now? If that's not scary…"

"Oh, don't let it be scary! Think of it as exciting."

"You're the only one who could possibly think that."

"True, but you shouldn't say it… anyway, are you really that surprised?"

"Coming from you? No. Not surprised at all. But you can't say it isn't at least a little scary."

"Eh, perhaps not now. Perhaps not even later. But right now, I think it's time we moved onto ghost stories. Does anyone have a good one? We're playing by conch rules, so unless you get the flashlight in your hands, there's no interrupting. Got it?"