Work Text:
At first Crowley didn’t notice, but as it happened more often, he slowly thought that something was off. He and Aziraphale had confessed their feelings to each other about two months ago and started dating right after. And of course, physical touch between them was unfamiliar at the beginning, but after some time it became perfectly normal to hold hand when the were going for a walk or a little goodbye kiss when one of them had to leave. And as time passed Crowley wanted to feel his Angel more closely, not in a passionate manner but more in a comforting closeness that could calm his nerves when something upset him. And when the time came, he and Aziraphale had a lovely dinner at the ritz and went to the bookshop afterwards to drink a glass or two together. As they reached the bookshop the Angel invited him in and said to make himself comfortable. Crowley took of his jacket and shoes and dismissed them in some corner and let himself sink on the couch. He took of his sunglasses as well. He didn’t feel the need to wear them when he was with his beloved Angel. As Aziraphale came back, he pored them both a glass of wine, handed Crowley one and sat down beside the demon. They started a conversation and as they talked Crowley moved closer bit by bit. Until he was so close, their legs touched, and Crowley slowly leaned against him so that his head almost rested against the Angels shoulder. He could feel Aziraphale shift a little, but it didn’t seem to bother him. After the fourth glass Crowley put his drink aside and decided that he just wanted to cuddle now. As he brought up his knees on the couch and moved his arm across his lover in a half cuddle half teddy bear hug position Aziraphale suddenly attempted to stand up. Crowley took away his arm and gave him a questioning look. “Ah, I just have to check if I closed the shop door really quick, I think I forgot.”. Crowley knew for certain that that was not the reason the Angel got up, but he didn’t think more about it, maybe he went to fast, and the Angel just wasn’t ready for this much closeness yet.
The same happened a few more times after, each time Aziraphale said something like he’ll go get another bottle of wine or he wanted to show him something but them couldn’t find it. And Crowley started to believe that something was off. He knew for sure that the Angel was a touchy person, he didn’t have a problem with hugging or holding hands, so it couldn’t be that he just didn’t like to be to close. But what reason was there then that every time he tried to be closer Aziraphale suddenly pulled away. It started to get to his nerves. He did try to ignore it but then there came a time where he and his lover where in a library and they found a free table in the back were there weren’t any other humans it became quite obvious. Crowley sat himself on the only chair nearby while the Angel went of to find the book, he wanted to look something up in. When he came back Crowley was still sitting there. Aziraphale looked around for another free chair but couldn’t find one. “Dear, could you kindly let me have this chair, as I am the one who came hear with the intend to search something up, and you just came here because you didn’t have anything else to do.” Aziraphale asked. Crowley thought for a moment before he replied: “No, because then I had to stand all the time and that would be uncomfortable. Why don’t we just share the chair.”. The Angel let out a little huff: “The chair was only made for one and as you can probably see there is only space for one.” “You can always sit on my lap you know.”, the demon said with a slight smirk on his face. Instantly Aziraphale’s cheeks flared up in bright red, this always happens when Crowley obviously flirted with him. “Love, you know I can’t do that!”, he whisper-yelled. “But why?” the Demon said with a challenging expression on his face. “Be- Because we are in public!” “There is no one here and I don’t think that anybody would come back here soon.” “But still, I can’t!” The Angel stopped blushing and now look sort of concern about something. Crowley didn’t want to make his beloved uncomfortable, so he stood up. There was a flash of relieve on Aziraphale’s face before he sat down and started to read. That now was nothing to unusual but the way the Angel reacted made Crowley believe that there was something really off about his lovers’ behaviour when it came to things like this. So, he decided to investigate on this.
One evening they had dinner like they often had, and as it was their routine, they went to Aziraphale’s place after to have a drink. And as planned, after a while Crowley started to move closer and wrap his arm around his love intending to cuddle. And as always, the blond tried to get up, but this time Crowley wouldn’t let him. “Dear, I have to get up, the bottle is almost empty.” “I won’t drink anymore, so it’s fine.” “But I have to lock the door, or else someone might come in.” “I already locked it when we came in.” “Oh, is that so, Ehm, thank you, but there is also this thing I want to show you.” “I don’t want to see it, just stay here with me, will you.”. The Angel finally stopped saying anything, but now he shifted the whole time. Crowley tried to ignore but as his lover started to make little destressed noises, just loud enough that no person with normal hearing could hear, he had it. “Aziraphale, what is the matter?”, he asked, straightened himself up so he could look his lover in the eyes. “I don’t know what you mean, dear”, he replied, trying to avoid the demon’s eyes. “Oh, you know damn well what I mean Angel.”. Aziraphale was still avoiding his eyes. The demon gently but firmly lifted his face so he could look at him: “Love, there is clearly something wrong, because every time I try to cuddle and get just a little bit closer you immediately pull away, and it worries me, so, please, talk with me.”. The Angel now had tears forming in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you, it’s just that, I’m, well, there is no other way to say it, I am fat, and every time you get closer and want to cuddle or say things like ,,sit on my lap,, or when you wrap your arm around me, I start to think that maybe it doesn’t feel good or something, because I don’t have exactly what you call an attractive body and I just worry that if you feel my body you finally realise that and you then don’t like me anymore or something like that, I-I know that’s s-silly but I can’t he-help it.” He was now crying, and tears ran down his face. Crowley had expected anything but this, and to think his beloved Angel could think something like this made his heart ache. “Oh Angel, oh my lovely Angel, Never, never ever, not in the last 6000 years that I knew you have I thought that you were fat, or that your body is unattractive. Yeah, you are a little bit chubbier then other, but that is just you, and I love you, everything about you, and nothing could ever change that, I promised, I give you my word, I would even make a deal with you so that you would believe me. Aziraphale, please don’t think about your self like this, and no, it isn’t silly that you think like that, its just how you feel and that is never silly. “. He gently held his face in his hands and whipped the tears away. The Angel know had a small little relieved smile on his face. “Thank you. Thank you for saying that. I really love you do you know that.”. The demon nodded softly and then went in to passionately kiss his lover. They stayed like this for a while, just kissing, sharing their emotions through their actions. Until Crowley broke away, still softly caressing his Angels cheek. “Is it ok for you if I wrap my arm around you and we cuddle?”. “Yes, I would quite like that dear”, he replied, his eyes full of love and affection for this wonderful demon who he cared for so deeply he sometimes didn’t understand himself. So, they moved closer together and cuddle, not saying anything, just enjoying the warmth they shared.