Chapter Text
It had been a great idea at first, the chance at a life with someone with struggles much like your own and dreams of acceptance yet gone unfulfilled. Both of them were lonely ogres that needed each other’s company, but as the years rolled onward, the doldrums and bitterness of a rushed whirlwind romance took its toll on Sherk and Fiona’s marriage. Any iota that years of prior social isolation had altered their mindset of marriage was snuffed out by their lack of communication skills, which ironically was because of the fore mentioned years they spent before meeting one another. That idea would come with time, specifically the time they later spend apart.
Sherk stayed with Fiona out of a sense of responsibility and obligation to their children. As a father he wasn’t afforded the luxury of questioning whether or not he still wanted to be with Fiona. He still loved her of course however it was not in the way he originally thought. Despite being romantically entangled with her initially, that part of his love had fizzled out long ago. Any romantic type affectionate advances were soon dreadful and Sherk became estranged with his once beloved wife.
Originally he was quite impressed by her fierce spirit however over the time they’ve spent together that fire turned against him as heated nagging that burned his innermost layers. She gaslit him into believing he had failed the same things he had tried and swore to let go and improve upon at the moment of their ‘eternal’ union. He still didn’t care enough, or try hard enough, and he was too grumpy, too cruel, that he’d forever be a selfish brute. The confidence and self assurance he once had slowly whittled away as she whittled it and him down. Shrek didn’t even realize Fiona was making him feel like this because he still told himself that she loved him and that he loved her and that they loved and needed each other. In reality it was their children that needed them to be happy together and it was for this that Shrek convinced himself it was the truth. His life stagnated after they married and it would be a long time before he focused on himself and started to peel back his own layers in earnest.
It wasn’t until the children moved out of the hut and went to fantasy college did Fiona start to contemplate their position. She had the same devotion and responsibility to their babies as Shrek did, she was a proud mother of three after all. Not a moment of her time after the triplets were born did she spend for someone other than her family. Well mostly her little darling children. All of her attention was laser focused on bringing them up right which was a hard feat considering that they were mischievous tiny ogers. They were homeschooled until high school and Fiona had to double as mother and teacher. It was a full time job and when she did have some free time, which was a fairly rare occurrence, she spent it daydreaming about traveling the world. These daydreams plagued her much more insistently when she had no little ones left to take care of at home.
She stumbled upon an epiphany while musing to herself one early morning in the kitchen. She had prepared herself some jellied eye toast and gazed outside the small middle window as she often found herself doing. However this time while gazing off into the swamp outside, heart swelling up with heavy longing, she remembered that it was the same feeling that had long tortured her in her tower all those years ago. She had grown accustomed to it and it never really left her. She was still trapped in a different type of tower, a loveless marriage and a deep sorrow that she had yet to truly see the world. She had always snapped at him because of her own unaddressed feelings of inadequacy and underlying resentment borne from being trapped in her situation. With one last bite of toast and a gnarly burp she made a split second decision. It was out of an impulse manifested from the realizations she had really. The chance to regain her freedom was not a decision she needed to ponder for long anyway. She recollected the absence of her children and, no longer needing to be a constant presence in the triplets’ lives, the divorce papers were easily filled out. Fiona divorced him. Only afterwards did HE realize how forced and unhealthy they were as a couple.
She moved out in a declaration to travel the world as she once dreamed and if she found a new prince along the way that would be fine as well. She didn’t need one though because she was finally enough for herself and no one else was necessary in her equation to feel complete. She was enough. For once she didn’t need anyone to come save her because she had done that herself. Shrek had held her back for far too long but now with her mistake rectified (or should I say shrektified ;) She was ready to make up for lost time and began her new life of exciting adventure.
After a couple months of brooding and sulking around his swamp, the maelstrom of questions and emotions brewing inside the dejected listless ogre’s layers finally subsided into a sort of calm acceptance, self reflection, and ultimately a decision of his own. The first one he’s made all by himself in quite a while, he would also leave the swamp and travel the world. If only to see what out there has his now ex-wife so enraptured that she’s now long gone, but also because he kinda needs a vacation. A change of scenery from the swamp would do well to get his mind off of the whole situation anyway and he couldn’t stand to be in their once shared hut for much longer. So he set to packing his things, said farewell for now to a few friends, and set off for something else. He wasn’t quite sure what yet though, he was playing the whole thing by ear, or whatever those weird antenna like appendages were.
He knew that they had committed to each other the very same week they had met but it wasn’t until now did Shrek understand how much of a foolish idea that was. He needed to find some way to move on, he just didn’t know what he needed. Apparently it wasn’t her but that was still hard to believe even after becoming significantly happier after he got over the initial shock and betrayal of the divorce. He went off into the night with his things and a turmoil that he hoped the night breeze would quiet for just a while longer.
Walking through a lush meadow, Sherk thinks back on the terrible argument they had just after she had shown him the divorce documents. He needed to filter through his emotions on the horrible thing to get to greener pastures in his own growth. Wildflowers danced in the wind all around him as he thought. They were the type that started growing when there was smoke and ash in the air and soil. The type of flower that only grew after a wild and intense inferno. Fire may be destructive but it can also be beautiful and bring forth room for new life. It was a pleasant day for thinking despite how brackish the thoughts.
When it happened, the swamp had been nearly flooded from a thunderstorm that pelted rain down upon the small hut in angry little pitter pattering patterns. They both yelled louder than the thunder rang out in the background, they became drenched more in twisted tidal waves of emotion, further steeped in the blackened liquid of their slippery relationship. This is where the brackish qualities appear most nauseating. The cruel vicious accusations that spilled from his mouth then provoked more than the princess they were intended for. It reestablished Shrek’s failings to himself by proving all the slander he so passively endured throughout their married life. He roared in outrage,“HOW COULD YOWU? AFTER ALL DIESE YEAYRS AND ALL WE’VE BEEN THROWUGH? YOWU CAN’T JUST LEAVE ERE WITHOUT TELLING WHAT GOT YOWU SO AMAZED YOWU DECIDED IT VAS ETTER THAN USS?!?!?”
With a sign and resigned annoyance Fiona replied, “Stop yelling! You’re making more of a fool of yourself than you already are. I just can’t deal with this anymore, I crave adventure so much and I can’t just stay tucked away in this swamp with you forever, it’d be just like my tower, so if you won’t give me the decency to fully explain myself then you can just sign the papers, and let me leave because I don’t want anything to do with this place anymore.”
“What? Ya’know wwhat? Fine.” Shrek waved his hand in dismissal and signed the papers, with one final whisper he added, “You’re gonn burn when ur off on ur lonesome without me, you’ll be lying dead at the bottom of a rat infested PIT, and our kids re gun see yowu as a dirty hussy that was too gud fur the satisfaction of one husband, ya hear…”
Then Fiona grimaced and without a word took the papers and left, presumably for good. That was the last time they had talked in person. Sure there were a few civil letters sent to each other trying to figure out how to deal with the kids but that’s because they would never not prioritize their children as a couple or as individuals so it was business where the kids were concerned.
The embers of that argument still burned Shrek and he wished he could take back the last thing he said because it was low and immature. However there’s no changing the past, one can only adapt to the present in hopes of a brighter future lit by the light of new love and the shadow of volcanic turmoil left as a distant memory. Things would get better eventually just like grass always grows back after a wildfire.
Traveling was slow for Shrek because for most of it, he had been walking. Occasionally he would stop to rest and scrounge up some grub to keep his strength up but other than that he was left to his own devices in wandering the great expanse of fantasy wilderness. Soon though, he stumbled across a small township with one shining feature; a train station. The fantasy metro wasn’t something that wide spread as of yet except in the big cities and the connectors to the ‘otherworlds’. These ‘otherworlds’ were an extension of the fantasy realm and is how all the different fairy tale creatures and folk were originally separated out into. There was a great merge of what are known as the classics a long time ago in yon olden days before the trains. Now these metal beasts connected the main fantasy fairytale land to the ‘otherworlds’ left unmerged. The schematics of how all the trams actually worked were a bit fuzzy to common folk that didn’t attend seventeen years of fantasy quantum physics college but the simplification was constant and held true for every train. To put the contraptions in a word or two; magic portals. Enough said.
With the meager scraps Shrek called his savings, he bought a ticket to some establishment referred to only as World’s Crossing. This was a renowned trading metropolis between some of the main and highly trafficked ‘otherworlds’. He figured that it was as good a place to start as any in his own journey throughout the many lands. It might even lead him to some place better and more comfortable than a huge trading town usually ends up being. It was with this assumption that he’ll just end up where he needs to be that Shrek found himself walking up from a nap on the train, at the very last stop, a mega amount of fantasy miles away from his intended destination.
After being ushered out of the magical vehicle by the train hostess, Sherk yawned so loud it shook the train stop’s flimsy foundations. “Might as well find somewere betta ta nap see’n as I’em ere.” He mused aloud to himself. He heard himself in perfect clarity which was odd for a busy supposedly bustling subway station at rush hour. Expect the whole vast room was anything but busy or bustling because Shrek stood alone in it without even a suggestion that another living soul had been there recently. It looked abandoned, a little decrepit, but almost like all the people that were there vanished into thin air in the middle of the day. The dust hadn’t settled on the benches were people would’ve sat to wait and many belongings were just strewn about as if abandoned and left behind.
It was a strange perplexing conundrum, just where did all those people go? Shrek wasn’t a detective though and it wasn’t his business and he minded his own nowadays, like how it was before… Her. Good thing that blasted Donkey was on a family vacation of his own when Shrek left because he might’ve either got a noisy tag along for his travels once again or become too guilt ridden at leaving his few real friends that he would have lost his guts and stayed behind. It was eerily like old times before everyone he actually knew now, like he was rebuilding his journey all over. Maybe this time he’ll find a princess truly worth saving. Well no, he didn’t mean that she wasn’t but he shouldn’t have been the one to save her, not then or ever. However he wouldn’t fully regret his good deed, no, he wasn’t that type of orge anymore. That was the one thing Shrek KNEW wasn’t like last time. He could do this. He will.
Walking up to an abandoned phone book and a public telephone hanging off the line he proceeded to flip to the hotel category. With some money he found in a purse nearby, he may be a nice guy but finders keepers my dudes, he tried to call up a few of the listed places to see if he could book a nice napping room for a few days. Then when all the lines failed to go through he tried a few more, and on and on until he about exhausted every conceivable nappable place in the darn phone book all together! With the last quarter he had from the borrowed forever wallet (which was in the purse), he rang up that last number and they left him a voicemail which was progress considering all the others just had the call drop.
“Hello, as Central City is currently enraptured in the chaos and crisis at the hands of Dr. Ivo (Eggman) Robotnik we will be unavailable to book you a room at this time, discuss refunds, or check you in. You’re a valued customer but please try calling again when we’re open. Notice: We are not obligated to open before the full destruction of the city has been repaired as per article 61 para 12 of the global supervillain collateral damage guidebook. Thank you again for your time and have a great day!” Practically sings a cheery recording representative and then it *beeps* once again like all the others. Despite his best effort, Shrek is still in need of a good place to nap.
As he walked up the subway stairs a mysterious figure halted Shrek down from the shadows. “Stop right there whoever you are, if you’re a stupid civilian then get out of my way but if you’re one of eggsh!ts henchmen then be ready to prepare yourself for a world of pain ‘cause I’ll have to introduce ya to my fists…” spoke the stranger threatenly. He cracked his neck and the dark figure stepped into the light of the subway tunnel stairs overhead LEDs.
“Sorry, I guess it’s impolite to not introduce yourself first… I’m Shadow, Shadow Hedgehog. You’re best do to remember that greenie.”
“Creative name u’ve gat tere lil fella, a hedgehog with a bunch a black dat blends into da shadows named Shadow, very original.”
As the fated pair’s first encounter continued onward, the semi-omnipresent yet still fallible narrator decided that it would probably be best if they stopped trying to butcher Sherk’s scottish accent in all the dialogue, and narrow it down to future key moments in the story. With great mental machinations and ever percolating thoughts, please imagine Sherk just speaks in an accent from here on out. Or don’t, it’s not even really that certain whether the narrator even knows what’s actually happening despite their best intentions to faithfully describe the plight at hand. Oh and don’t mind me, I’m simply the back up narrator, quite a common thing in fantasy narration believe it or not. Anyway where did we leave off…
“Huh, okay green man, fond of the sass I see. Got a name to match your ugly face? I’m still not sure whether or not I should let my fists greet it.”
“‘Course I do. It’s Shrek. Shrek the ogre I guess, it’s not really part of my name, more of an obvious description. It’d be kinda stupid to be named after something everyone can already tell about ya, wouldn’t it?” he asked condescendingly.
“Can I punch you now?” Shadow tapped his foot in impatience, a habit that he annoyingly picked up from his rival/frienamy Sonic. A fact that the black and red hedgehog would deny resolutely till the end of time.
“Oui laddie, I’m only looking for some decent napping spot,” Sherk brought his hands up to placate the prickly mammal, “I’ve got nothing to do with your city’s, what was your egg problem something or whatever? Anyway I just got here but I’m bone tired so take all of yer fighting nonsense somewhere else and leave me alone.” Shrek was getting even more tired as this conversation dragged on, he could just imagine a comfy rock slab somewhere around the heart of the city’s park, fairly isolated away from anyone who’d interrupt his sleep. Maybe this whole weird egg thing would blow over when he woke up too. And then he could find a real affordable motel bed with actual covers, mold infested or not, he wasn’t too picky.
“Eggman is usually what we call him, also Dr. Robotnik sometimes but in my opinion that’s far too respectful for the mad scientist he is. He has been attacking Central City and trying to robotize the citizens for his nefarious purposes. That’s why the city is in lockdown right now and why I was gonna punch ya if you turned out to be one of his goons.”
Although it’s not known currently to Sherk, Shadow “is not interested in peace, nor does he care about what happens to others.”and “…He just does not like it when foolish people do whatever they please.” Or so says the wiki which is canonically known to be accessible to all fantasy narrators, thus explaining motives, backstories and the rest much easier than it would be otherwise. If only Araki had referenced the wiki pages as well, maybe the continuity of Jojo’s wouldn’t be such a hot mess. Alas it was never meant to be…
“So yer saying if we beat up this Eggnog then the hotels and such will open back up and I can get some proper shut eye?”
“Yes, that’s essentially the case.”
“Well, why don’t we go beat him up then?”
“Oh no, no no no. I work alone. You’re saying here where you won’t get in my way. Also his name is Eggman, not eggnog, have you even been listening to me?”
“Eh I’m kinda sleep deprived right now, I need a solid 36 hours of sleep, unimpeded, every month to stay at my best. I got the gist of it though, don’t worry. Also it’s not like I’m too thrilled to be teaming up with some aggressive douch I just met either, some offense, but we both want that Egg doctor gone and neither of us would stand a chance against him if what you’re telling me is true. Also why would he want to robotize all the citizens anyway?”
“I don’t know, ask the writers of Sonic Underground they’re the ones that, oh is this shattering the fourth wall too much? How much of this is a fever dream induced by your immense stress brought on by your broken marriage? How much of this conversation was real? Why’d you eat those mushrooms, Sherk? How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination? You don’t.” Shadow slowly turns towards the camera, staring directly into the lense, looking right at you. “How much of this is a licensed soap opera, romcom, melodrama television series endorsed by corporate big wigs and adoring fans alike? Support us and the show at www.fantasycrossovers.com” (for the sake of idiots the long earth over, this is not a real website and if it is, it’s not ours, thank you for watching)